Impact – March 17, 2011: The Worst TV Show I Have Seen In Years

Impact
Date: March 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Well it’s the first show after the disaster that was the ending of Victory Road.  Hardy is not here tonight apparently which is about as little as you could ask for.  Jeff Jarrett said that he would call out Angle for a truce on tonight’s show, meaning their feud is likely going to continue until Lockdown.  We’re on the road to said PPV now, so let’s get to it.

Immediately Sting is here and he has a new TNA World Title belt which looks a bit like a UFC belt.  He has the Hardy belt in his hand.  Sting says that before Hogan’s show starts he wants Hogan and Bischoff down here now, or the show won’t start.  With the men in power in the ring, Sting hands Hulk the belt and says that’s all that’s left of Jeff Hardy.  Hogan throws it to the floor.

Sting wants to know how it feels to ruin a superstar like Jeff Hardy.  Sting says that Jeff is a grown man but Hogan and Bischoff turned him into something twisted and dark.  If they try to turn Jeff face out of this, I’m not sure what to think of that.  Sting says he can’t help Jeff Hardy but he can help the 50 guys in the back that are ready to go.

Hogan says he’s a Johnny Come Lately and that Hardy cost Immortal, not the other way around.  Hulk says that Jeff’s demise was his own fault and he couldn’t live up to the Immortal standards.  Hogan asks Sting why Immortal is all at the top of its game, even Matt Hardy.  Did he really just say that?  Hogan threatens Sting, saying don’t worry about saving the boys in the back, but rather saving himself.

Since he came back two weeks ago there have been main event guys calling him all the time wanting to come here and wanting to take Sting’s place.  Sting wants to know who’s been calling.  Cue, I kid you not, Bully Ray.  Ray says that he’s been ringing the phone off the hook because he’s been waiting for this chance all his life.  Ray kisses up to Hogan a bit, saying without him there would be no wrestling business.  True, but why is Bully Ray saying this?

He talks about how no matter what Sting does, he’ll never be able to beat Hogan.  The Bully asks to be part of Immortal and wants to become world champion.  The interesting thing is that Ray can actually talk well enough to be on this level, but at the end of the day he’s Bubba Ray Dudley.  Hogan says don’t worry about Sting and here’s Fourtune as we take a break.

Back with AJ saying Fourtune has Sting’s back.  He says Ray has always wanted to be a singles wrestler but he had a partner for the last 15 years that carried the load.  Bully wants to smack the silver spoon out of AJ’s mouth because Dixie has been carrying AJ the whole time.  Ray says without D-Von he would have been a 23 time world champion.  AJ slaps Bubba and here’s Anderson because there aren’t enough people out here already.

Anderson wants his rematch and says he’s a jerk about 10 times.  The fans laugh, proving why this is stupid.  It’s not a moment where people are supposed to laugh.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD.  Anderson says RVD couldn’t beat him either, so “it’s your call, TERRANCE.”  Oh yeah, he went there.  Bischoff does the ratings thing, four way is made: AJ vs. Ray vs. Anderson vs. RVD.  Great.

Angle is here with a big present for the newlyweds.

Back with AJ talking to RVD and wanting a partnership tonight in the main event.  RVD isn’t sure but more or less says no.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Alissa Flash

 

It’s another open challenge here.  Flash is more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa or Raisha Saed.  And the Rayne Drop ends this in 19 seconds.  Why did this happen again?  Oh so Mickie James can come down.  Let me guess: that’s Lockdown because we didn’t have it enough in previous months?  Mickie makes the obvious challenge but Madison says Mickie has to put her hair up.  Mickie says cool.

Pope, looking like Orlando Jordan, is with a bunch of people that are pretending to have various ailments such as being fat, blind and in a wheelchair that he’s going to pretend to heal.  Oh dear.

Back with Anderson yelling at Hogan more.  He wants to know why he has to fight for a title shot he already owns.  That’s a great question since he won a #1 contenders match about three weeks ago.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD like always.  Hogan says do things the hard way or our way and he throws the cameraman out.

Time for Pope who is in a white suit.  He says that miracles need to be performed and tonight there will be miracles happening.  Pope says that Jesus can do this and so can he.  He takes the “blind” man’s glasses off and spits on his own hands, calling it holy oil.  The man can see now.  Next up is the lame man who he kicks in the legs and smacks him in the head.  The man pops up and kind of dances a bit.  Up last is the chick in the fat suit.  Pope grabs her…stomach I think and says that no one including Jesus could help her lose weight.

FINALLY Joe comes out to end this along with Okato.  This feud couldn’t be stupider if they tried to make it worse.  Pope yells at Joe for ruining Pope’s stuff.  Joe is getting fatter by the second I think.  Pope throws the people into it and pulls Okato out.  He puts a knife to Okato’s throat and in a funny bit keeps hitting Okato in the head for stepping on Pope’s shoes.  Pope kicks him in the cuts and throws him into the entrance area before jabbing his knife into his throat, showing that it’s fake.

Back and Pope is beating on Okato who is tied up.  Wait….where is Joe?  He takes the mask off and says he doesn’t like how Okato looks so put the mask back on.  He beats on Okato forever with a stick or a pole or something until Joe FINALLY shows up.  I guess they ran out of catering.  Also he calls him Okada when he comes up.  Joe is all mad or something.

RVD comes up to Anderson in the back and accuses him of joining Immortal.  Nothing of note is said but Anderson denies it.

Velvet and Winter argue about who gets to team up with Angelina as we hit one hour into the show.  Angelina leaves with Winter.

Here’s are the Jarretts for MORE TALKING.  Seriously, 60 minutes in, 19 seconds of wrestling.  Jeff calls himself the Ultra Male now.  I give up.  He says he has nothing left to prove but gets stopped by a Jarrett sucks chant.  There is nothing left for him to do to Angle so for the good of the kids, he’s offering a truce.  He says that they need to get along for the sake of their kids (are they breaking up or something?) and he’ll let Kurt beg for forgiveness.

Angle comes out with the big gift from earlier.  It’s pretty good sized, probably about four feet long and two feet wide.  I’d die of laughter if it’s an axe.  Angle says that Jeff is the better man and the father/husband that Kurt never could be.  He has a peace offering but Jeff is skeptical.  Jeff opens the paper like it’s Christmas morning and it’s…another box.  It’s a guitar with an American flag on it.  Naturally it winds up around Jeff’s head.  Karen tries to hit Angle in the balls butt there’s no effect.  I knew those steroids would catch up with him.  Ah it’s a cup.

He takes it out and smiles but then turns to yell at Jeff more.  Hey Karen, HIT HIM NOW!  Jeff is bleeding as Kurt says he’ll go medieval on him.  Kurt wants a match at Lockdown or he’ll come and hurt both of them.  Jeff, bleeding from the eye, says yes.  Kurt says don’t bother going to Hogan or Bischoff because he’ll find Jeff and hurt him.  Tell me that’s the end of the feud.

Bischoff is talking to Gunner/Murphy/Terry in the back and we hear the WE MUST HAVE ALL THE TITLES speech again.  Abyss has been stripped of the title (finally) and one of those three will win the title.

There’s a six person street fight coming later.

Back with Karen wanting the police here and shouting into the phone about it.  Jeff is mad at Kurt.

We get a video package about the TV Title match.  Why in the world do we need a hype video for that?

TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy

 

Gunner has the tattoos.  Got it.  The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon.  Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here.  We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle.  People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere.  Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning.  Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47.  The match didn’t even make it to two minutes.  Wow indeed.  Bischoff comes out to applaud.

AJ says he was trying to help RVD, not himself.

Back with the cops telling the Jarretts to chill.  Karen mentions a restraining order.

Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love

 

Well I’ve always been a fan of mixing feuds like this.  Also, oddly enough Sarita might look better in long pants which is surprising.  Hernandez says welcome to Mexican America.  He says they’re taking over and whistles into the microphone.  Winter’s music is like a messed up lullaby which is pretty freaking awesome.  She has the blindfold on again.  This is a street fight.

Morgan hits the ring in jeans and the fight is on.  Oh and it’s one of those street fights where you have to tag.  The guys start as the girls fight on the floor.  The corner thing didn’t last long.  Morgan hammers away but the girls jump on him (lucky bastard).  He throws them off and Winter/Angelina destroy them.  A spinning backbreaker ends Rosita in 1:24.

Post match some Mexican guy (who appears to be Matt “Lowrider” Barela who was OVW Champion for the majority of last year) comes in but Morgan fights them off.

We come back with a recap video of the Anderson/RVD match at the PPV.

AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

 

It’s 10:36 when these entrances start so there’s a ton of time here.  Surprisingly there’s no bell before we start.  Anderson vs. RVD and AJ vs. Ray to start.  No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish which helps a bit.  Ray runs over AJ who nips up and takes him down with a rana.  Jumping forearm in the corner and AJ is in control.

Monkey flip is blocked and Anderson fights Ray.  RVD vs. Ray as AJ and Anderson have been knocked to the floor.  Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder but Anderson pulls Rob to the floor.  AJ gets a sunset flip on Anderson for two.  We’re firmly into the formula here of having each guy dominate for a bit but no one is really moving towards a finish.  At the moment it’s Ray taking over.

RVD takes down Ray but the Five Star misses.  Spinning Rock Bottom takes Anderson down but AJ gets a top rope cross body on Ray for two.  Middle rope kick to AJ gets two.  Neckbreaker to RVD gets two.  AJ dives out at Ray to the floor but lands on the ground.  Ray grabs a chair but Hebner pulls it away to save Styles.  The chair goes into the ring and Anderson suplexes RVD onto it and it’s a double pin at 5:55.  Ray drills the referee before the finish can be announced.  Are you serious?  RVD wasn’t on Anderson in any way at all.

Rating: C-. Decent match but dang it all GIVE US A CLEAN FINISH ALREADY!!!  Why is that so complicated?  I get that the triple threat at Lockdown is more or less a given, but dang it just announce that already.  This is beyond annoying at this point and the main event not even going six minutes is just pitiful at this point.

AJ and Ray fight up to the stage and Flair comes out to save Ray.  It’s a HUGE sitout powerbomb off the stage to put AJ through something that resembled a table next to the stage.  Everyone is out and we throw up an X.  They have to turn straightedge now?  We take a break with everyone down.

Back with Anderson and Ray having to be separated.  AJ is put in a neck brace and taken out on a stretcher.  So now their either first or second top face is doing an injury angle?  This is how the show ends.  We see replays and AJ is taken out.  That’s Impact for you this week folks.  Enjoy it TNA fans.  This is what you guys wanted right?  Give me a break.

Overall Rating: F. We get three and a half minutes out of the first 95 for actual wrestling and then we get that finish to the show?  Why does TNA always have to give us the “Thank you fans, but your #1 contender is on another show” finish every time?  We had 9:25 of total wrestling tonight.  I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous.  TNA had people paying attention after the Hardy fiasco and this is what we get?  Are you kidding me?  Terrible show where NOTHING happened.  This is one of the worst TV shows I’ve seen in months if not years.  Just awful.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Alissa Flash – Rayne Drop

Gunner b. Rob Terry and Murphy – F5 to Murphy

Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love b. Rosita/Sarita/Hernandez – Winter pinned Rosita after a spinning backbreaker

Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson went to a no contest

17 comments

  1. Tiger says:

    Yeah, the spoilers sounded awful and the 40 minutes I saw of the show were the most boring thing I’ve watched in awhile. Those last ten minutes especially.

  2. Jay says:

    I watched a little bit of this Show and then fell asleep. Only to wake up and see the ending with AJ getting powerbombed off the Stage. Just terrible stuff.

  3. Lisa says:

    DAMN..taking all this a bit too personal or serious!?! LOL, take it easy, it’s wrestling!

  4. Felix says:

    Hey i came over from the 411 mania site when i saw your impact review.. i like your style, keep it up 🙂

    klunderbunker Reply:

    Much appreciated. Hope you stay around.

  5. elvylanda says:

    Part 1

    What’s up Tommy! Let me give you these statement and see what you think of them. I have questions for you but reading the comments from the readers at the impact recap, a few of them make statements that I agree with. So here we go:

    “People [complain] about how theres not enough wrestling, but its called a BUILT SHOW.

    I remember a few weeks ago, Raw had only 16 min of wrestling on it. But not a lot of people here were complaining, as they said “its called building to wrestlemania”. But now the same people here are complaining when TNA are doing the same damn thing. Their building to Lockdown people.” – Pat

    For the past 4 weeks, Raw has been more storyline and angle and less wrestling. RAW has been doing the same thing, why Imapct gets trhe bad rating and not Raw?

    2- “Trying to give commentary and making grades trying to make yourself bigger than the show is getting more and more lame as the weeks go by.” -Rich-

    Now, I am not as harsh as Rich, everyone has a right to an opinion and I love free speech. But he brings up an interesting point, it seems more you are trying to get your style of writing over with the public ahead of writing a recap. It’s like a sports columnist trying to write a recap and editorializing instead just reporting the the facts. I apologize if I can’t explain that well.

    klunderbunker Reply:

    1. And what exactly is TNA building to? Victory Road with an 88 second main event? Lockdown with more of Angle vs. Jarrett? Impact with more non-finishes to their #1 contenders matches? Nowhere near the same thing.

    2. Everyone on that site puts grades on shows. I put more work and details into them and I miss nothing that goes on on those shows, period. I’ve heard this criticism over and over and yet no one can seem to point out where I do that. Interesting I’d think.

    lol lol lol Reply:

    Oh hey check it out, it’s Elvylanda, aka TheMightyThanos, aka Chris Garcia.

  6. elvylanda says:

    Part 2.

    “Watching fake wrestling on a fake wrestling show”
    – Vince Russo on Facebook back in 2010-

    I think Impact, or how they present Impact is more on developing characters and drama and storylines and behind the scenes conflict.

    I think TNA is trying to attract non wrestling fans or casual wrestlin fans to watch impact instead of wrestling fans who wnna see wrestling. They know those guys are going to show up, so let’s attract the other type of viewers who want to see more than just wrestling. Your thoughts on that.

    If, let’s say TNA continues on a trend of producing bad shows, how long do you see yourself doing recaps, is there a barometer for you before you give up on recaps?

    Keep up the good work.

    klunderbunker Reply:

    And how do they plan on doing that? By having boring/old characters not wrestle? Also, it hasn’t been working it seems. It worked in the 90s, but this isn’t the 90s. TNA doesn’t seem to get that.

    I’ll do recaps until there isn’t an Impact anymore.

  7. Boo Didley says:

    Not sure what the complaints are about your style of recap, but it fits well with the overall style of your site. Really appreciate and enjoy the old school reviews. Keep up the good work.

    klunderbunker Reply:

    My theory on reviews is simple: if you wanted to know who won, that’s what Wikipedia is for. I’ve watched wrestling for over 20 years and have seen over 50,000 matches. I know a good bit about this stuff and the point of a review is for me to add in my insight and my opinions about them. Otherwise, you could watch the match for yourself if you just wanted to know what happeend.

  8. KB, I know I’m looking far into the future with this question, but would you actually buy Bubba Ray as a World Heavyweight Champion?

    klunderbunker Reply:

    I tend to be of the mindset that anyone can be built into a world champion (Miz and that rapper named Cena spring to mind), but at the same time Bubba has been around forever, he’s seen as a career tag team guy and the character is a bully. How far can you really go with that? I think I could see it happening, but I really don’t think people will buy it. The casual fan certainly won’t.

    Heyo Reply:

    How do you feel about Bully Ray’s main event run in retrospect?

    klunderbunker Reply:

    Bully surprised me as he was actually perfect for the role. Other things outside his control got in the way though (namely Hogan leaving as Bully vs. Hulk probably should have main evented a pay per view) and of course it’s TNA so you have to expect them to screw something up. Bully completely exceeded my expectations though and it was a big success, at least by TNA standards.

  9. newc868 says:

    Having watched the first 20 minutes of the show I was certainly surprised by Bubba and his mic skills compared with the others in the ring at time, he managed to convince me he was worth at least a No. 1 Contender’s match.

    That said, AJ Styles, Sting and the Tag Division are the only two things I really care about when it comes to TNA.