Monday Night Raw – August 21, 2006 – This Isn’t Funny

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 21, 2006
Location: Webster Bank Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another night, another requested show, another with no idea why it’s on this list. Anyway, this is Raw from 2006, meaning Edge is champion….I think. The main event is Flair vs. Orton, in a match that is probably nowhere near as good as it was supposed to be but they didn’t have anyone else to put out there other than Flair since the world champion is in the middle of the card. Let’s get to it.

This is the night after Summerslam where Hogan beat Orton.

Here’s Edge to open the show without the belt. He talks about how he’s been waiting for this night for his entire life. Everyone bought tickets to see Cena here as the new champion but they were ALL WRONG! Hey you, the kid in the front row. YOU WERE WRONG! If he’s champion, where’s his title? And where’s his girlfriend? Lita (with a top cut down to her navel) pops up on the screen with the WWE Title near a harbor. Lita throws it into the water.

Edge says that this is the beginning of a new era. Smoke comes down from the ceiling and when it’s gone, there’s a new title hanging on a hook. It’s a new spinner belt with a Rated R logo on it. Edge says if there’s anyone in the back that wants a shot at the title, bring it on. Cue the returning Jeff Hardy, back on Raw for the first time in about four years. So that’s why this was requested. Edge runs his mouth about Matt so Jeff takes him down and loads up the Swanton but Edge runs.

Ad for the McMahon DVD. That’s one of the funniest DVDs you’ll ever see.

Eugene/Jim Duggan/Highlanders vs. Spirit Squad

This would be the Squad minus Mitch. Eugene and I think Johnny start things off. Mitch is the one on the floor. Got it. Johnny kicks Eugene in the ribs in a battle of OVW legends. There’s an airplane spin from Eugene and here’s Robbie. The Spirit Squad are using a Freebird Rule on steroids to be five man tag team champions. Off to Kenny, the leader of the team who gets two off a clothesline.

Mikey in now with some crossface shots. Mitch and Nick (Dolph Ziggler) cheer Mikey on, meaning they’re playing the gimmick perfectly. Robbie fights off everyone in the corner for a few seconds but there are too many cheerleaders. The fans want Hacksaw. Here’s Nicky and he represents Exhibit A as to never say never about someone. Back to Kenny, the star of the team and the guy that hasn’t been seen in years.

This match is probably getting more time than it needs, especially when we’re waiting on Hacksaw to get the hot tag and destroy everything in sight. Kenny misses his nearly perfect guillotine legdrop and there’s the tag to Rory, meaning the fans don’t care all that much. He hits what we would call the Irish Curse and everything breaks down. Duggan gets a big reaction. The Highlanders get Nick alone and hit the Scot Drop (double team reverse slingshot suplex) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The time hurt it here and Duggan not being in officially killed the crowd. The Highlanders were funny for a little while (and by that I mean for their vignettes) and then they became any other tag team. They never won the titles and then Robbie showed up at Impact in the crowd and got a huge fine or something like that.

Edge wants to find Vince but gets Coach (and an endorsement for the McMahon DVD). Edge vs. Jeff non-title is made for later. The champ leaves just as Vince gets here and he throws Coach out. The McMahons (Shane is with him) say that the illegal man was pinned last night so this isn’t over with DX.

Orton says he had Hogan beaten and Hogan getting his foot on the rope shouldn’t mean anything. Flair is a bigger legend than Hogan too. Carlito pops up and says seeing Hogan win last night was cool. Randy: “At least I was on Summerslam.” Orton yells some more and leaves.

HHH is reading a magazine and then talks to the camera a bit. Last night the McMahons tried everything to beat DX (including male cheerleaders, a leprechaun, a chubby giant, and a cannibal) but DX overcame and won. They were on the way to Bridgeport when they saw Vince’s private plane. Shawn pops up with an overly dramatic plane crash sequence using a toy plane. HHH says they found the private hanger where Vince keeps his 30 million dollar plane and there was a little incident. Shawn scratched the paint but HHH says he doesn’t think Vince will notice. The camera pans over to a giant DX painted on the side.

Vince is very mad and grunts. He shoves the TV he was watching and I think he starts to cry.

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

They slug it out to start and Trish hits a splash in the corner followed by a dropkick. Trish knocks her to the floor and hits the Thesz Press to the floor. Clothesline gets two back in the ring. Victory roll gets the same and you know Lawler was happy with that. Stratusfaction is countered into a backbreaker and Victoria works on the back a bit. They go to the corner and Trish hits a middle rope hurricanrana but Victoria pops up and tries the Widow’s Peak. Trish escapes and Stratusfaction ends this clean.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than any Divas match that we’ve had in years. It’s only about three minutes long and they did more good looking stuff than the modern batch of Divas have done in I don’t know how long. Trish was gorgeous but she could also have some great matches. Victoria is no slouch either.

The McMahons come out immediately after the match ends and Vince is mad. He yells at the fans for encouraging DX for their degeneracy. Ok see, there’s a difference between being a jerk and vandalism. Thankfully Vince knows this and has called the cops to have DX arrested. With that, we go to a break.

We come back and the McMahons are still here so let’s go to the airport where the cops are waiting. Instead we cut to DX who aren’t at the airport. So they’re fugitives now. They’re on top of the WWE headquarters and talk about how everyone has left their marks on places they’ve discovered or reached first. HHH talks about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor but Vince stops him before he gets on a roll. The camera pans way out and there’s a huge DX painted on the side of the building. Vince looks like he’s going to be sick. He starts crying and walks to the back very slowly.

On this day seven years ago, Smackdown debuted.

After a break it’s STILL on the McMahons with Foley popping up. He asks Vince how he’s doing and says he’s not having such a great night himself. Vince says he doesn’t like Foley and to stop calling him Vince. Tonight, since DX isn’t here, Foley can join Vince’s exclusive club. If Foley doesn’t do it, someone gets fired.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title and clearly this needs to be in the middle of the show instead of in the main event spot right? The version of the video I have speeds up a lot here which makes JR sound like William Shattner as Captain Kirk. Jeff starts with a baseball slide and the fight starts on the floor. Edge takes over by sending him into the steps and gets two in the ring. He bends Jeff around the post to work on the back.

Jeff sends him into the buckle and goes up but Edge moves. DDT gets two. Edge hits a quick Edge-O-Matic to take over and get two at the same time. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two also. Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton and Edge is in big trouble. Lita has to make the save…and here’s Cena for the DQ.

Rating: C+. These two know each other so well that it’s almost impossible for them to have a bad match together. Jeff was being put back into things carefully because he hadn’t been around the WWE style for a long time. He would get into the IC Title picture very soon and would get the title in a few months/weeks.

Cena knocks Edge into the back and they fight to a break. Back and the fight continues. Edge is knocked into various objects but he manages to get in a right hand. Cena throws Edge into the water where Lita threw the belt earlier.

Foley is in the back when Melina comes up to encourage him.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Johnny Nitro

Kane beat Shelton to get this shot. Nitro runs as much as he can and gets in a few shots here and there. Melina won’t stop screaming. Kane hammers him down and hits the top rope clothesline and Umaga runs in for the DQ.

Umaga beats Kane down and hits a bunch of Samoan Spikes on him.

Layla won the Divas Search.

Marine trailer debuts.

Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair

Flair is covered in bandages and has a black eye after the I Quit match with Foley last night. All Orton to start as he beats Flair into the ground with basic offense. Back to the floor and Flair is sent into the steps. Orton stomps around Flair’s body and the RKO finishes this clean. Total squash.

Orton beats on him even more post match until the decision is reversed. Carlito makes the save.

Here’s Foley for the Vince kissing segment club. Foley says he won’t do it because he doesn’t need this job. “I’ve saved a bunch of money over the years on apparel and haircuts.” Vince says if he doesn’t do it, Melina is fired. She says don’t do it but Foley says Melina will be a big star (really?) so he’ll get it over with. In a funny moment, Foley freaks out on Vince and demands he take his pants down.

Foley does it and Melina hits him low. Vince fires Foley. The McMahons and Melina leave and Vince talks trash. He and Shane get outside and Vince says he thinks DX has broken him. Vince gets in his limo, drives away…..and there’s a chain attached to the axle which rips it and the wheels off. DX is painted on the side of it and Vince starts to cry.

Overall Rating: D. This show sums up most of the problems of this era: the whole summer was about Vince and eventually Shane vs. DX, and it wasn’t funny. DX never really broke a sweat against them because at the end of the day, it’s Shawn Michaels and HHH vs. 5 cheerleader jobbers and the McMahons. The stuff to “break” Vince isn’t funny in the slightest and the whole thing was a mess. Also, why in the world was the return of a big name fighting probably his biggest rival who is world champion on in the middle of the show? To see Flair for 2 minutes? Really? Bad show.

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