Monday Night Raw – August 13, 2001: 1/3 Of This Is Talking

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2001
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 14,008
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

This is the go home show for Summerslam which I didn’t realize we were that close to. Rock has his title match with Booker that night and we’ll also see Angle vs. Austin in the clash of the Bald Brotherhood even though Angle isn’t bald yet. Tonight the main event is a tag match because that’s what Raw does best of course. Let’s get to it.

There’s a tag title match in a cage.

Here’s the Alliance led by Austin. The rest of the guys are on the floor while he’s alone in the ring. He’s got a contract or a clipboard in his hand. Austin says he’s giving the Alliance guys the chance to shine. Since he joined the Alliance he’s led by example. Starting last Thursday, he’s leading by example. We get a clip of Angle getting Stunned and having his ankle Pillmanized. He praises the Alliance guys for looking good but enough about them.

He’s awesome and wants to know who wants to become famous like Austin? Who’s going to step up tonight? Someone must want Kurt Angle tonight. Heyman starts an RVD chant and RVD jumps up on the apron to accept the challenge. Now he asks for a round of applause for Kanyon/DDP who are the new WWF Tag Team Champions. Now on to Test who has jumped ship to the Alliance. Where’s Rhyno? He Gored Jericho through something lately so Austin praises him.

And then we get to the bad stuff: some people haven’t been listening to Austin’s teachings. Therefore on Thursday, there’s going to be the Steve Austin Invitational, whatever that is. Austin calls attention to Taz, Raven and Hugh Morrus. He yells at Dreamer for being too much of a pushover always asking people if they need anything. As for the three in the ring, he asks Morrus who beat him last Thursday. That would be Chris Jericho. Austin makes fun of Morrus’ name, perhaps debuting the WHAT catchphrase.

Austin rips into Morrus and says he’s not here to be funny so get out of his face. Now it’s Raven. Who beat him last week? That would be Perry Saturn. “He carries a mop. You should have mopped the ring with him.” Austin makes fun of Raven’s catchphrases which gets a big reaction. “You suck, quoth Stone Cold, nevermore.”

And then there’s Taz. This was what was built up as the big face turn in the Alliance but it never happened. Austin rips into Taz for not putting up a fight and being a joke of a human suplex machine. We get a clip of Taz doing nothing while Shane took a Rock Bottom through the table last week on Smackdown.

Austin takes off his belt and says it’s time for a come to Jesus moment. Taz has put him in a bad position and has to be whipped as a result. Austin demands the shirt come off but Taz won’t do it. Instead Austin sends Raven and Morrus plus others in for a beatdown. After What’s Up and a Gore, Austin whips him. Cool segment which didn’t feel like the twenty minutes it took up.

Christian says he’ll be in Edge’s corner for the match tonight.

Tajiri vs. Albert

Tajiri tries his fast strikes but Albert throws him around. A gorilla press drop and a splash get two. He loads up the Derailer but Tajiri slides down and fires off kicks. Tajiri tries the Tarantula but Pac interferes. Regal takes X-Pac out and Tajiri mists him. Baldo Bomb is loaded up but Regal makes the save as the referee is with X-Pac. More mist to Albert and a middle rope dropkick sets up the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin. Too short to rate but this was fast paced and fun.

RVD has challenged Angle to a match for the Hardcore Title match tonight. Angle pops up and says his ankle is sore but he’s got gold medals. He was in worse shape when he won those so yes he accepts the challenge. Hugh Morrus pops up and beats down Angle. And never mind as Kurt Angle remembers he’s fighting Hugh Morrus and comes back with an ankle lock.

Edge/Christian vs. Lance Storm/Justin Credible

We get an Impact Players pose on the stage which is always cool. Why? Because it happened in the past and is therefore inherently awesome. Heyman immediately starts talking about the history of the Alliance team. Christian takes over on Storm to start, hitting an atomic drop and it’s off to Justin. A sitout powerbomb gets two for Justin as the evil ones take over.

Christian takes Storm down and makes the tag to Edge. He cleans house but throws Justin into Christian, sending the latter into the barricade ala Shawn and Owen at Survivor Series 93. There’s no one for Edge to tag and a superkick gets two on him. Edge fights them both off and the Impaler ends Justin. Too short to rate again but this was another entertaining match.

Edge gets put in the Maple Leaf post match but Christian makes the save.

Debra says RVD can beat Angle. Austin says RVD is awesome but Angle is a different kind of animal. Shawn Stasiak comes in to praise Austin’s speeches. Austin tells Stasiak to be more than the son of a former WWF Champion. Stasiak says he’ll do something memorable. This might result in comedy if I remember right.

Kanyon talks to Palumbo/O’Haire about their rematch with Kane/Undertaker tonight. Page tries to fire them up too.

Angle comes in to talk to Regal about the RVD match. Regal tries to tell him to take it easy because of the ankle injury because he doesn’t want to get hurt before Summerslam. Angle says it’s ok and goes into a story about Benjamin Franklin, but Shawn Stasiak comes running in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Angle lets him go crashing into Regal’s suit of armor and Stasiak knocks himself unconscious. This would become a running joke for Stasiak and would actually stay funny.

WCW Tag Titles: Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo vs. Undertaker/Kane

In a cage with the brothers defending. The challengers jump the brothers as they come in, keeping Kane out of the cage. Kane negates this pretty quickly though, slamming the door on O’Haire’s head. Sean takes a chokeslam and the beating begins. He and Palumbo try to run but Undertaker wants more target practice. DDP and Kanyon watch the carnage from the stage. Kane hits another chokeslam on O’Haire. Last Ride to Palumbo as the squash is complete. Page goes after Sara so she climbs into the cage. The champions get stereo pins to retain.

Rating: D-. And that’s because Taker’s wife is hot. This was totally dominant and O’Haire and Palumbo looked like total jobbers. Allegedly there was some big thing where they were disrespectful backstage, but instead of fining them, they got squashed on TV regularly, completely losing any potential value they could have had until Palumbo realized he was almost gay.

Here are Rhyno and Stephanie for some talking. Her rack looks great here, fresh off the boob job. She feels very good because Rhyno gored Jericho through the Smackdown set last week. We get a clip of it and to be fair, it did look pretty awesome. Jericho must have had a screw knocked loose because he’s accepted Rhyno’s challenge for Summerslam. Rhyno says it would be an honor to take Jericho out. Stephanie wants to see the video again but here’s Jericho in person.

Jericho says it’s true that he’s never beaten Rhyno, but he’ll take care of the smelly greasy nasty animal at Summerslam. “And I’m going to get you too Rhyno.” Jericho talks about how Rhyno promised to get the job done, but it appears that Stephanie would know about getting a job done. We get a comparison of Stephanie being flat as compared to now when she could put an eye out. Jokes abound, including “Let the Boobies Hit The Floor”. Stephanie trying to cover up and making them look even bigger is funny.

She claims that Jericho is just having a wild imagination. Rhyno cuts him off and says come down here and say it. Cue Booker of all people who says that Stephanie is all natural. He says she looks good and thinks she’s taking her vitamins. Booker implies Jericho looks like a woman and says go join the Backstreet Boys. Jericho says go join the A-Team. I love it when a promo comes together. Booker says on Sunday he’s taking Rock to school.

Cue Rock to talk about Booker taking him to school. Rock says imagine Booker in high school: the only 27 year old senior, waiting on the bus with his mama. BEEP BEEP! Then Booker could get to class. “Ok class: what is 2+2. Booker? Thomas Jefferson sucka!” Booker is intelligent but not as smart as Shane. Shane wouldn’t even come out here tonight after the beating Rock gave him on Thursday.

Jericho says that in the ring, we have a manbeast and a ho’s beast. We have the Gore and the…..Stephanie: “SHUT UP!” Rock thinks we should have a rhyming contest. Rock: “Booker T and Shane, the WCW sucker and the silver spoon mother……” and Stephanie misses her cut off so they have to censor Rock. Stephanie makes the obvious tag match tonight. This would be promo #2 tonight that went over eighteen minutes. Spending 1/3 of your show on two promos isn’t a good idea. Jericho: “Thanks Stephanie. You’re the breast.” Rock was feeling it here too so this was funny stuff.

Hurricane Helms comes in to see Austin. He’s been inspired by the speech Austin gave earlier. Austin and Debra make fun of the Green Lantern tattoo on his shoulder. That reminds Austin of Kurt Angle but Hurricane doesn’t think Angle could beat Green Lantern. Hurricane says he tries to fly too. Austin says go act like a hurricane.

Test vs. Spike Dudley

This is because of a six man on Sunday. Test overpowers him to start and throws Spike (didn’t he have a broken leg?) over the top to counter the Dudley Dog. Back in Test misses the big elbow and Spike speeds things up. He hits a middle rope rana but the Dudley Dog is countered again. Big boot ends this quick.

The APA and the Dudleys come in for the post match brawl.

Matt/Lita and Angle shoot the breeze before making fun of Green Lantern. Hurricane comes in and slaps Angle’s milk away. You know that means a whooping.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Rob meets him in the aisle. Remember that Kurt has a bad ankle. Rob is rammed into various metal objects and it’s all Kurt to start. Austin and Debra are watching in the back. RVD comes back with his spin kick to the back of Angle on the barricade for two. Into the ring for the first time and Rob brings in a chair.

Naturally he goes into it which gets two for Kurt. Van Dam comes back with a spin kick and the chair surfboard for two. Kurt tries to go up but gets kicked in the head. He responds by taking Van Dam’s head off with a clothesline. Alliance guys run in to break up the ankle lock but Angle hits the Slam on RVD. Jeff Hardy runs in and hits a Swanton on RVD to steal the title.

Rating: C+. Like most of the other short matches tonight, this was energetic enough to make up for the shortness. Jeff winning the title gave him something to do and it was pretty clear that Angle wasn’t going into the main event of Summerslam as the Hardcore Champion. Fast paced and fun here, which are the words of the night for almost all of the wrestling so far.

Austin is in the bathroom when Stasiak is here to apologize. Austin swings the door open to knock him out cold again. Still funny.

Chris Jericho/The Rock vs. Rhyno/Booker T

Jericho and Rhyno start us off and the Canadian hits a cross body to take over. Middle rope missile dropkick gets one as Booker saves. Off to Rock to fire off some rights. Back to Jericho who hits the bulldog but Booker clotheslines him down from the apron. Off to Booker who walks into a flapjack. Stephanie continues to look horrible when she tries to show emotion. Off to Rock and Rhyno with Rock dominating.

Back to Booker and Rhyno low bridges Rock to send him out to the floor, giving the Alliance control. Booker hits a big kick for two. After more of a beating, Booker pulls of a Spinrooni. Was there ever a shirt for that? Back to Rhyno and Rock takes him down with ease and makes the tag to Jericho.

Neckbreaker gets two for Jericho and everything breaks down. Stephanie manages to hit Jericho with a chair and a WCW referee runs down to count two. Rock pulls and then knocks him out. Jericho hooks the Walls on Rhyno and a WWF referee is taken out by Shane. Stephanie comes in, allowing Rhyno to hit Jericho low, roll him up and pin him.

Rating: C. This was your usual main event tag match but the ending was pretty weak. It pushed both matches, but at the same time it felt like it was more about Jericho vs. Stephanie than Jericho vs. Rhyno and we never really got a major payoff to Jericho vs. Stephanie, which sucks for the most part.

Post match Rock cleans house and beats up Shane too. Rock Bottoms all around but Booker intercepts Rock and hits the Bookend. The Alliance stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good show overall, especially with the big hype to Summerslam. Rock vs. Booker was the focus of tonight which is fine when you have Austin vs. Angle selling itself. The show would wind up being good but Austin vs. Angle was always kind of a letdown for me. Good go home show though.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/04/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2001-summerslam-gets-all-alliancey/

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