Impact Wrestling – April 4, 2013: Brooke Hogan’s Showdown

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 4, 2013
Location: ASU Convocation Center, Jonesboro, Arkansas
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley

We’re still in Arkansas as we’re heading towards Corpus Christi and the PPV level TV show next week. The main issues tonight will be Hogan and Sting continuing their bickering along with Gut Check featuring luchador Magno and former NWA World Champion Adam Pearce in what should be an interesting match. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual recap of Brooke being tormented by Bully, Sting and Hogan’s issues, and AJ walking away from Storm. Jeff Hardy won a #1 contender match as well and picked Full Metal Mayhem for next week.

Here are Aces and 8’s to open the show. Anderson gets the mic and says he has a special package here. He talks about AJ and how the company had his back when he needed them. Then once they stopped needing Styles, TNA turned its back on him. They have a vest for him anytime he’s ready. D-Von has an envelope which will give a new meaning to Bully and Brooke’s relationship. D’Lo has a gift as well: his termination from TNA’s front offices. That’s not enough for him as he thinks he should have gotten a phone call or a meeting. Brown wants someone to come out here and fire him to his face.

Instead he gets Kurt Angle who says he’ll say something to Brown’s face. Kurt gets in the ring with D’Lo, D’Von and Anderson and goes right for Brown. Aces and 8’s come in and the brawl is on. Cue the TNA cavalry for the save and the bikers bail to the floor. Apparently there’s a ten man tag later tonight.

Joey Ryan comes up to Brooke in the back but Brooke isn’t interested. Sex jokes are made and Joey wants to be the Knockouts referee. Brooke says ok to get rid of him. No touching the Knockouts though.

Tara/Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky/Taryn Terrell

Joey Ryan is referee and spanks Velvet to get things going. It’s Sky vs. Tara to start things off and with Velvet holding a headlock, Joey massages her shoulders. Off to Taryn who sends Gail out for a tag. Taryn keeps rolling Tara up but Joey keeps getting good looks instead of counting. Velvet and Taryn hit a double elbow on Tara but Joey looks up Velvet’s skirt and rubs his chest. Since the joke has been done once, we’ll repeat it another twenty times in three minutes.

Tara’s boyfriend Jesse gets jealous but Tara calls him off. Joey gets shoved away when looking at the shaky moonsault, allowing Velvet to move. Hot tag brings in Taryn to beat up Gail with a nice top rope cross body. Everything breaks down and Gail clears the ring, allowing for some more of the EXACT SAME THING Joey has done all match. Gail plays with his mustache but gets rolled up….as Joey is stripping. Gail reverses the rollup into one of her own and Joey fast counts the pin on Taryn at 5:28.

Rating: D+. This is the kind of comedy I can’t stand: the kind where you’re beaten over the head with the joke over and over again because apparently the fans are too dense to get it the first time. I have no idea what the appeal of Ryan is because he’s nothing in the ring and the fact that he’s horny isn’t exactly an in depth character. Lots of good visuals here, but the wrestling was nothing of note.

Post match Velvet hits Joey low.

Aries/Roode and Chavo/Hernandez are in the ring for the contract signing for the title match next week. Aries calls himself and Roode a team of world champions instead of the world tag team champions. Roode asks both challengers if they’ve ever been a world champion and Aries answers for them. Chavo says he’s a Guerrero so he’s awesome. Oh and Hernandez is really strong.

Aries says that they should up the ante a bit: the winners should get more money, a fruit basket, and green M&Ms. Chavo says something we can’t hear and the champions huddle. Austin wants one more clause….which we also don’t see. Apparently the match is 2/3 falls and if Chavo/Hernandez lose, they can never team up again. Everyone signs and we have a match.

We get a video on Adam Pearce who has been a professional for 17 years. He’s been a four time world champion and this might be his last chance. Pearce has been in the ring with some of TNA’s top talent before and he can beat them, so he’s more ready than any other Gut Check contestant.

Magno talks about training for fifteen years for this chance. Watch him because he’s going to do something no one else ever has done.

Gut Check: Magno vs. Adam Pearce

Magno is pretty tall for a luchador. Feeling out process to start with Adam trying to take it to the mat, only to be flipped away with a wristlock and armdrag. Pearce takes it into the corner but charges into some boots, only to come back with a backdrop for two. Magno comes back with a springboard moonsault but lands square on his head. He seems to be fine but that looked BAD.

Pearce counters another springboard into a hard spinebuster for two Magno flips over to the apron and comes back with some clotheslines and an enziguri in the corner. Pearce goes to the floor and Magno (partially) hits a moonsault press to take Adam down. Back in and Pearce trips Magno up for a rollup and grabs the rope for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D+. Neither guy was very impressive here as Pearce was pretty generic and Magno wasn’t much better. That botch was scary looking and neither guy was anything special out there. Pearce is probably the better prospect but I’d bet it goes to Magno because of the finish. Not much here overall though.

Aces and 8’s give AJ a vest but he doesn’t seem thrilled. He doesn’t give it back though.

We recap the Sting/Hogan fiasco over Bully Ray.

Hogan says Sting is in a gray area and not here tonight.

Angle and Park fire each other up for the ten man tag.

Here’s Hulk to talk about gut feelings and wanting to talk to people. He wants to talk to AJ Styles and here’s the Phenomenal One, still carrying the biker vest. Hogan talks to AJ about holding up under pressure but then last year he started to slip. AJ started to change, but TNA is still his family. Hogan says TNA needs AJ Styles but instead he gets James Storm with something to say. Storm says he was the guy who beat AJ last, but everyone loses big matches.

What bothers Storm was AJ walking away when Storm was beaten down by Aces and 8’s. James has been here since day one just like AJ and he’s been here for the people every night. AJ isn’t the same guy who was at the Fairgrounds in the old days of TNA. Storm says Styles needs to leave before he gets knocked out, so AJ walks away, looking down at the vest in his hands.

Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Mason Andrews

Winner gets a title shot, presumably next week. Everyone starts with fast near falls until Andrews has to back away from a potential double team. A quick dropkick gets two on Williams for Dutt but Petey comes back with a suicide dive to take out Andrews. Dutt joins them on the floor and it’s Andrews taking over. Back inside and a backbreaker gets two on Williams but Andrews has to knock Dutt off the apron. A middle rope elbow gets two on Williams but Dutt is back in as well with an octopus hold on Petey.

Andrews breaks that up but can’t hit something out of a fireman’s carry on Williams. Dutt comes back in with a springboard dropkick to both guys at once. A kick in the corner puts Andrews on the ropes and there’s a springboard legdrop to the back of his head, followed by a springboard splash for two.

Petey is back in and decks Andrews but hits a Russian legsweep and short range Downward Spiral on Dutt. The Canadian Destroyer (flip piledriver) is broken up and Andrews hits a quick top rope rana on Williams. Dutt hits a standing Sliced Bred on Andrews but a top rope double stomp misses. The Destroyer hits Andrews to give Williams the shot at 5:19.

Rating: C+. Yeah it was fun, but this is the exact same thing we see from the X-Division every time: no story, the same stealing pin attempts, the same fast finishes. Yeah they’re flashy, but it gets really monotonous after awhile. But hey, EVERY MATCH IS A THREE WAY, so it has to be interesting right? I mean, why put effort into it when you can put a one size fits all sticker on there?

Ray fires up the bikers for the ten man tag later. He’s looking forward to talking to Brooke too.

We run down the card for next week’s big episode.

Aces and 8’s vs. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Joseph Park/Magnus/Eric Young

None of the bikers want to start with Angle so he pulls in Brisco for the beatdown. Angle punches Wes into the corner until he gets bored and brings in Garrett. Bischoff gets the same beating in the corner and now it’s off to Magnus for a slam into a suplex for no cover. Off to Joe vs. D-Von and the corner enziguri has the TV Champion (D-Von) stggered. A knee drop gets two for Joe but it’s off to Knux.

Joe hits a running knee to the face to put him down and here’s Eric to drop an ax handle on the arm. Knux pounds away on Eric but gets sent to the floor where Eric hits a big slingshot dive to take him out again as we take a break. Back with Knux in control of Young and throwing him over the top and out to the floor. It’s off to Doc for some power stuff before D-Von comes in for all of his usual stuff: punches, shoulder block, nerve hold, Spinarooni etc.

Doc comes back in and breaks up a hot tag bid, only to miss a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Park who cleans house and is very excited about doing so. A splash gets two on Brisco as everything breaks down. We finally get down to D-Von, Joe and Park in the ring but Joe dives through the ropes to take out Knux. D-Von hits a spinebuster on Park but misses the flying headbutt. Park has to deal with the other bikers and gets caught by a low blow from Doc for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: C. Just a big tag match here which didn’t do much for me. At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s still aren’t intimidating and still aren’t interesting outside of Bully. This angle is rapidly becoming just another generic monster stable which has been done so many times before that it stops being interesting in a hurry. The match was ok but nothing to see here for the most part.

Brooke tells Hulk not to worry about her. She’ll have protection for her meeting with Bully tonight. No more drama.

Here’s Bully to talk about the Full Metal Mayhem match next week against Hardy. Why would Hardy pick a match like that against Ray? For right now though, Ray wants Brooke to come out here so here’s that stupid theme song of hers as she’s flanked by security. Ray wants to know where her ring is. He also wants to know what’s with the security guards. At Lockdown she was panicking when she should have been excited for her husband to win the world title.

As for the envelope, it’s a pair of front row tickets for next week so that Brooke can be there when Ray retains the title. Oh and she needs to look better because Ray thinks she’s been letting herself go. Brooke slaps him in the face but Ray says he’s in her head, just like he’s been in her since day one. Cue Hardy for the brawl to set up the main event next week to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This wasn’t bad but again the live shows are just better. The ending segment was fine but would have been better had it not been for Brooke. I can’t bring myself to care about her problems when she’s here because of her rich daddy and nothing more. Ray continues to be awesome, but the rest of the bikers are just lame overall. As for the rest of the show, it wasn’t bad but it was nothing memorable. It appears that Brooke goes Aces and 8’s next week.

Results

Gail Kim/Tara b. Taryn Terrell/Velvet Sky – Rollup to Terrell

Adam Pearce b. Magno – Rollup

Petey Williams b. Mason Andrews and Sonjay Dutt – Canadian Destroyer to Andrews

Aces and 8’s b. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Eric Young/Magnus/Joseph Park – Low blow to Park

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon at:

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1 comment

  1. Remy says:

    Show sucked. I stopped paying attention after the X-Division match. Hopefully next week is better since it’s actually going to be live.