Reviewing the Review: Hell in a Cell 2014

So the annual Cell show has come and gone and as expected, a lot has changed coming out of the show. There were two main events inside the big cage and only one of them really belonged there. The big question was which match was ending the show as Orton vs. Cena has a chance even though there was no reason for it to take that spot. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show saw Damien Mizdow hosting MizdowTV and doing nothing with Miz. Yeah I kind of missed this part and don’t care enough to look it up.

Mark Henry beat Bo Dallas in about thirty seconds to seemingly end their feud. This was pretty much a waste of time but the fans liked it due to Bo’s Dallas Cowboys joke.

The opening match saw Ziggler retain the title over Cesaro in two straight falls. The match was good but it was the first of many matches that suffered from the same problem: we’ve seen so many of these matches in recent weeks that it’s hard to get fired up for it again. In this case, the guys had four falls in the span of a week so why should I care about it again? There’s a rumor that this is Cesaro’s punishment for criticizing the lack of change at the top of the card. If that’s the case, my goodness WWE is insecure.

Orton wanted to beat up Rollins after Seth attacked him to end Raw. HHH told him to take it out on Cena. Angle advancement because there isn’t enough time for this sort of stuff on Raw I guess.

The Bellas had a passable match with Nikki getting the pin after hitting Brie in the face and hitting the Rack Attack. This made Brie her servant for 30 days and launching a million fan fics about them. The match wasn’t terrible but man alive am I over this story. I’m really not sure why WWE thinks this is important or why the masses would care but we’ve been stuck with it for months now and I’m over it.

In another match we’ve seen over and over again in six man matches, the Dust Brothers beat the Usos to retain the titles. It was good enough but I have no reason to care about them fighting again. The division is back to its old problem of having two teams and almost nothing else and that makes for some very repetitive feuds. Maybe they can bring in a new team but there’s no fire to the division right now and it’s hurting things.

Some singer doesn’t like breast cancer. November, please come soon.

Cena beat Orton in another match that the fans didn’t want to see but was one of the biggest matches on the show. The win gives Cena another shot at Lesnar because that’s another match we haven’t seen enough. Orton vs. Lesnar is a legitimate big match but we need to see Cena vs. Lesnar IV and need to wait about two months to get there. Therefore, we’re stuck with months of just waiting around doing nothing until we get to a match that people don’t seem interested in seeing. Such is life in WWE.

The match itself was good though as the guys have chemistry together, but, say it with me, we’ve seen it too many times. Austin vs. Rock worked because it was rare, therefore making it a special treat. When you don’t see something all that often, it’s far easier to get interested in it. The match already happened at the Rumble and happens a few times a year. Why would I want to watch it just because it’s inside the Cell when the match is the same thing they always do?

Sheamus beat Miz to retain the US Title, hopefully setting up the obvious feud with Rusev. Again, nothing to see here as we’ve seen this pairing a half dozen times in tag matches.

Nikki poured a smoothie on Brie’s head. This is what we’re going to sit through for thirty days and we’re supposed to care about Brie, even though she agreed to these terms and lost a fair match.

Rusev beat Big Show in the match that everyone expected. Mark Henry almost cost Show the match but Rusev wound up kicking Show in the face and Accolading him for the win. On to Sheamus and the US Title.

AJ retained the title over Paige in ANOTHER match we’ve seen over and over again. This is another division that is needing some fresh blood like yesterday.

Seth Rollins beat Dean Ambrose in the main event with the help of a returning Bray Wyatt. This is the match that has gotten the most attention because people were wanting more. Here’s what happened: Dean Ambrose beat up Seth Rollins inside the Cell, someone interfered and Rollins won the match and the feud. There’s no rematch, there’s nowhere else to go, and the feud is over. Sometimes that’s what happens and Ambrose doesn’t look like a weaker star as a result. He’s a far bigger star than he was coming in and Rollins can move on to the feud with Orton. Everyone wins, which is the point of this kind of a feud.

Overall the show was entertaining for the most part but the creative process is just a mess right now. There are at least a dozen ways to build up a feud and WWE seems to use the same one over and over: have the people fight a lot on TV before the PPV then do the same match with a gimmick at the big show.

I have no idea why I’d want to see the Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust again on PPV when they’ve actually fought eight times on TV since their last pay per view match. Think about that for a minute. In the five weeks between two pay per views, these teams met in either three way tags or six man tags on eight out of ten TV shows. I’m supposed to care about the tenth meeting between these guys in five weeks? That’s supposed to excite me?

It’s not just the tag division either. Between the PPVs, Cena vs. Orton, Ziggler vs. Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Miz have all taken place five times each. The repetitiveness is driving me crazy, especially when there are guys just sitting there waiting to go out and perform. You can have people talk or do segments, but instead it’s just a bunch of matches. Find a balance already and let some new ideas into those stale heads.

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  1. M.R. says:

    What did Cesaro say? And why does the company book these guys for so many interviews if they’re going to punish them for every word that comes out of their mouth?

    Also anyone complaining about the Ambrose/Rollins finish may want to take a look at the greatest Cell match of all time, dirty finishes aren’t exactly uncommon in these matches.

    ted Reply:

    The finish to the Ambrose/Rollins match was stupid. There was no need for a ghost or any of that other crap. Just have a match someone wins. Amborse could take the loss. Who gives a fuck? these guys lose all the time on raw anyhow.

    M.R. Reply:

    To the best of my knowledge Ambrose did take the loss? I have no issue with the Bray interference.

  2. M.R. says:

    Also, despite what the WWE would like to have you believe, the Austin-Rock matchup for this era hasn’t been Cena-Orton it’s been Cena-Batista.

  3. ted says:

    The matches were better at the very least.

  4. Killjoy says:

    It’s all football seasons fault. Clearly.

  5. your eternal reward says:

    Maybe the WWE base their booking around the Universe game mode in the games… you book a feud, have the guys wrestle every week. Then have it on ppv….

    Then again i guess the game is just copying real life.

  6. Rocko says:

    I severely doubt Cesaro is being punished. Ziggler doesn’t actually even get punished for what he has said (he said in one interview that him getting in trouble for his interviews is really a work). I think it’s Cesaro’s lack of mic skills.