Monday Night Raw – December 12, 1994: How Bob Backlund Is Like Steve Austin

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 12, 1994
Location: Liberty High School, Liberty, New York
Attendance: 1,400
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels

So I just knocked out the show from the previous week and it occurs to me that I could actually get a lot of these done in a hurry. At this point I’ve done just under half of the episode of Monday Night Raw and I really could add to that with a lot of the earlier years. Therefore, I might as well take care of some of them as I could do a month’s worth of shows in the time it takes me to do a single pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Bob Backlund rants about Doink besmirching the WWF and leading it into hypocrisy.

Doink is ready to show off his amateur background. What a bizarre main event choice.

Opening sequence.

Bob Backlund vs. Doink the Clown

I’d like to remind you that Backlund was WWF World Champion about two and a half weeks ago. I can’t get over the fact that they’re actually in a high school gym. It’s something you would expect to make a TNA joke over but here it is on Raw. Dink comes out for a distraction so Doink can jump Backlund from behind. Maybe Backlund is right about Doink being evil.

Back up and they stare at each other for a bit as the fans are entirely behind Doink. Backlund takes him down and rides him a bit until Doink grabs the ropes for the save. So we’ve got a crazy man and a clown having an amateur wrestling match. I guess Vince was right with his “anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation” line. A nice amateur trip sets up a rollup for two on Bob, who has a bunch of Doink’s makeup on his back.

Backlund has to flip out of a headscissors before walking into a hiptoss for two. They get up again and Bob nails him with a hard forearm to the face before starting in on the arm. We take a break and come back with Bob holding a Fujiwara armbar. That’s too interesting so it’s off to a regular wristlock as Shawn keeps talking about managing Backlund. How bored were they to come up with this kind of stuff?

Somehow we’re about ten minutes into this match (not counting the commercial) as Backlund works on a hammerlock. Doink FINALLY comes back with a middle rope cross body and a small package for two, only to miss an elbow drop. That means the chickenwing to make Doink tap.

Rating: F. There was a match back in 2001 with Steve Austin vs. Chris Benoit where Austin started doing a bunch of amateur stuff to shock Benoit. The thing is, that match worked because Austin knew how to play to a crowd and make the match fun. Other than an interesting idea here, this was one of the least interesting things I’ve seen in a long time as Doink could have been anyone and had the same match. That’s never a good thing and made for a waste of the one good idea they had here.

We look at the brackets for the Tag Team Title tournament.

Tatanka/Bam Bam Bigelow

Men on a Mission

Headshrinkers

Jim Neidhart/Owen Hart

Heavenly Bodies

Bushwhackers

Smoking Gunns

Well Dunn

Shawn has no thoughts on the tournament because he isn’t involved. Instead, he shows us some Raw on SNES. There’s even a VHS with tips and strategies. Allow me to simplify things: punch and kick a lot then pin the other guy.

Jeff Jarrett is moving to Las Vegas and is going to have a sweepstakes. Uh…yeah.

Razor Ramon vs. Mark Starr

Non-title of course. Razor starts with the driving shoulders as Shawn makes fun of Barbara Walters. Some very loud chops have Starr reeling but he gets in a cross body. Razor actually botches the catch into the fall away slam but is smart enough to turn it into a knee injury to protect himself. That kind of on the fly thinking is never seen these days and it’s sad. Razor just blasts him with a forearm though and it’s the belly to back superplex and Razor’s Edge for the easy pin.

Rating: D. That knee injury thing was such a breath of air. I mean, the match was still a squash but it was so nice to see them not just waste time and make the match look fake. Nothing else to see here, though Starr would actually be put in a low level tag team in WCW in a few years.

Make-A-Wish ad.

It’s time for another King’s Court which really is the best way to showcase Lawler at this point. In this case, he tells the kids to close their eyes and imagine what they’ll get for Christmas. “Now what do you see? Nothing! Exactly what you’ll get!” The guest tonight is IRS, who has Undertaker’s druids with him as part of one of the lamest feuds in company history.

Lawler wants to talk about athletes making a fortune and then charging for autographs. On top of that (which is really pitiful in the first place), they’re not even paying taxes. The biggest tax cheat of them all though is the Undertaker, who claims to have the power of the urn. IRS however has the power of the Million Dollar Man’s money, which is more than enough to make Undertaker pay. Also, IRS is going to make Lex Luger pay next week and promises to have friends behind him.

Hakushi is still coming.

Aldo Montoya vs. Nick Barberri

Montoya recently turned down a spot on Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team and Shawn just rips him apart for his decision. Nick tries to get Montoya in an early wheelbarrow slam only to be sent throat first into the middle rope. Harvey Wippleman comes out to watch as Aldo cranks on an armbar. Barberri sends him into the buckle as we’re promised Well Dunn vs. the Bushwhackers AGAIN next week. Egads what is wrong with this company? Aldo makes his comeback as Shawn points out that Montoya’s mask is a jockstrap. Montoya finishes with a quick middle rope bulldog.

Wippleman yells at the Fink, who will be in the Bushwhackers’ corner next week.

Clips from the 100th episode of WWF Mania.

King Kong Bundy vs. Bobby Knight

Knight (dang I wish it was the famous one) bounces off Bundy to start and is sent hard into the post for his efforts. Back in and Bundy yells a lot before actually going to the middle rope, only to have Knight bail to the floor out of self preservation. Bundy slowly pounds him down and finishes with the Avalanche (big splash) for a five count.

Rating: D. Yeah what do you want from me here? This was longer than it needed to be and there’s only so much you can get out of King Kong Bundy in 1994. Nothing to see here, as is so often the case with most of the shows from this era. Bundy was actually a decent choice for a monster with no upside, which is what he needed to be for the most part.

Santa Claus comes out and gives Shawn a toy Ladies Title to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Oh yeah this was bad. That Santa bit at the end was the best thing of the night and it was all of a minute long. It’s bad enough that it’s this year and now I have to sit through the Christmas season as well, meaning everyone isn’t interested in trying? Horrible show here and one of the weakest I’ve ever seen. At least it was short though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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2 comments

  1. #MrScissorsKick says:

    Just……why the hell was this at a high school?

    klunderbunker Reply:

    It really was that bad around this time.