Anarchy Rulz 2000 (2014 Redo): He’s Not Rob Van Dam

Anarchy Rulz 2000
Date: October 1, 2000
Location: Roy Wilkins Auditorium, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The card does seem to be a major improvement in some of ECW’s problem areas. While there’s nothing that is going to save the company in one night, this is a good step for them as Van Dam is finally doing something important again and maybe Lynn can get the major win that has eluded him for so long. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are in the ring to open things up and Joel gets through his rhyme (sans swearing for once, this time about being with women of all races and thankfully not having 27 children) before throwing us to the opening video. More from them later.

Joey Matthews/Christian York vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

Matthews (more famous as Joey Mercury) and York (didn’t do much after this other than showing up in TNA for an uneventful run thirteen years later) are young guys who could be described as pretty boys. Matthews and Doring get things going with Doring pulling on the hair to take over. The audio is a bit off here for some reason as Joel sounds like he’s a foot away from his microphone. Doring sends Joey face first into the mat before bringing in Roadkill to a very positive reaction. Off to York who gets taken down by a running shoulder but he comes back with some armdrags.

York counters a slingshot into the corner into a bouncing legdrop, only to have Roadkill pop up and slam both guys down. Matthews and York stay on the monster but Doring gets a hot tag and helps Roadkill with a Hart Attack to Joey. Doring is sent over the top rope and comes down on his arm, followed by double suicide dives from the young guys. Back inside and a double powerbomb drops Doring, but Matthews and York turn around into the springboard clothesline from Roadkill.

Danny nails a top rope elbow but York breaks it up with a top rope legdrop. A middle rope backsplash gets two for York but Doring escapes a headlock and hits the double arm DDT. There’s the hot tag to Roadkill who cleans house and splashes both guys in the corner before the Buggy Bang (wheelbarrow slam from Roadkill/top rope Fameasser combination) for the pin on York.

Rating: C. Nice match here as the tag team division continues to heat up, and for once there’s actually something for them to go after. Roadkill would be another guy that seems ready to push on his own, especially since most of the main eventers are regular sized guys. Being able to fly like he does is only a plus.

Roadkill and Doring help up Matthews and York in a nice display of sportsmanship. Simon and Swinger come in and clean house with chairs before leaving Doring laying. That sounds like a decent feud but they need to have something to fight over.

Joel Gertner has challenged Cyrus to a match tonight. His training method is eating Lucky Charms, though he’s been trained by an unnamed wrestler.

Cyrus comes out to the ring and says he’s ready for Gertner tonight. Everyone at TNN Center says that he’s got pop (the TNN slogan at the time) and he’s going to take Gertner apart. Joey sends Gertner to the ring. “You can do it! You can do it!” Gertner is out of earshot. Joey: “He’s a dead man.” Remember that Cyrus was a wrestler and actually knows what he’s doing. Gertner gets in the ring but Cyrus says Joel has to win another match to get it.

Joel Gertner vs. EZ Money

Money is part of the Hot Commodity stable, which went nowhere. It’s comprised of Money (a cruiserweight who would be in WCW in a few months), Chris Hamrick (a southern wrestler), Julio Dinero (he bounced around wrestling companies for a few years and is probably the most successful of the team) and Elektra. Before the match though, Commissioner Little Spike Dudley comes out and says Gertner has a replacement.

Kid Kash vs. EZ Money

If Kash wins, Joel gets to fight Cyrus. Money jumps Kash before the bell but Kash comes back with some fast armdrags to send Money out to the floor. Hamrick and Dinero get nailed as well but the distraction lets Money sneak in from behind. Money picks up Kash for a suplex but lets him fall backwards and crash down to the mat for two. A charge goes badly for Money as he falls onto his partners, setting up huge springboard flip dive from Kash to take out everyone.

Back in and Money flips over the top rope into a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Joel is screaming for Kash to get up with more emotion than he ever showed as the Dudleys’ manager. Money spends a bit too much time swiveling his hips and gets rolled up for two. A running tornado DDT gets the same for Kash but Money comes back with a spinning suplex neckbreaker (Electric Dreams, named after Elektra) for no cover.

Kash nails something like a Whisper in the Wind for two before they trade pinfall attempts for two each. There’s the Money Maker but Elektra distracts the referee, allowing Dinero to take Kash down. A double suplex has Kash in trouble and Hamrick adds a top rope legdrop for two. Money gets crotched on top but still manages to try a super bomb, only to have Kash reverse into a weak hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D+. The spots weren’t bad but if you’ve seen one Kid Kash match you’ve seen the all. As usual it was obvious that Kash was going to win here as Joel vs. Cyrus was almost guaranteed. If nothing else, Hot Commodity could be a decent midcard heel stable and is far better than the Dangerous Alliance.

Post match Hot Commodity beats on Kash until Spike tries to make a save. They go after his leg and put him in a Figure Four but Sandman makes the real save. Elektra tries to seduce him but Sandman pours beer on her chest and shoves Gertner’s face onto the beer.

Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus

Joel jumps him to start before taking off his shirt to reveal Kamala (old Ugandan savage) chest paint. Cyrus trips him up and chops in the corner but Sandman spits beer in his face, allowing Gertner to get a rollup for the fluke pin. This was harmless fun.

Kash, Sandman, Gertner and Spike drink beer.

Da Baldies vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

Willy is just a muscular guy who showed up near the end of the promotion and wrestled on pay per view a few times. There’s not much else to say about him other than he wore a hat and danced a lot. It’s a brawl to start with Da Baldies get laid out and nailed with double neckbreakers. Balls stabs DeVito in the head with a fork as Angel and Willy fight on the floor. DeVito is busted open as you would expect and a backdrop puts him into the crowd.

Balls bites at the cut and whips him through another barricade right under the announcers’ area. DeVito flips off the announcers for no apparent reason before moonsaulting off I believe a wall. Angel and Willy show up next to them with Chilly getting powerbombed on some chairs. DeVito takes Balls back to the ring for a dropkick but makes the mistake of going after his head.

Mahoney comes back with a series of punches and a superkick to the shoulder. A huge chair shot knocks DeVito senseless but Angel comes back in with the staple gun to the eye. Chilly comes back in and Da Baldies hit three straight chair shots to both of their opponents’ heads for the pin. Mahoney only sells the staple after the match is over.

Rating: D. This was your usual garbage brawl with no wrestling and an overly violent ending. Mahoney not being phased by the staple was the usual nonsense you would expect by something like this, but it doesn’t make up for how ridiculous it was, or how bad this match really was.

Lou E. Dangerously lays out Gertner with his phone. Joey goes after him and we cut to interviews.

Justin Credible says he’ll take out Jerry Lynn just like he’s done to everyone else.

Jerry Lynn says he’s tired of being a starmaker so tonight, in his hometown, he’s making himself World Champion.

Cyrus replaces Joel on commentary.

C.W. Anderson vs. Steve Corino

Winner gets a World Title shot at some point in the future, even though they’re both on pay per view losing streaks. Corino has turned face and now has Dawn Marie with him. They trade shoulders to start but Corino can’t get a neckbreaker. Instead they trade armdrags and duck punches to get us to a standoff. They chop it out with Corino getting the better of it, only to get taken down by a superkick.

Chairs are brought in and Corino gets in a quick shot to the head to take over. C.W. is busted open and a kick to the face makes things worse. We hear about a recent match where Corino almost beat Justin for the World Title which is one of the few reasons why Corino is in this spot despite his win/loss record. Anderson nails Corino with the chair to take over and bust Steve open. Anderson wedges a chair in the corner and sends Corino arm first into the steel to give him a target.

Corino tries to fight back with one arm but a hammerlock belly to back suplex gets two. Anderson stomps onto the chair onto the arm and kicks Corino in the face as the blood starts to flow. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was before but it’s coming. Steve fights back with right hands but the Old School Expulsion is countered into a suplex.

Anderson’s sleeper is broken when Corino crotches him on the chair. A Bionic Elbow and low blow have Corino in control but Simon and Swinger come out for a distraction. C.W.’s big left hand gets two and Steve’s superkick gets the same. The spinebuster is countered into the Old School Expulsion on the chair to make Corino #1 contender.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but I have no idea why I should buy Corino as a #1 contender because he’s beaten a midcard guy. Corino is good in the ring and more interesting as a face than a heel, but it’s too soon for him to be in the World Title picture. It’s a good enough match, but either Simon and Swinger are messing with everyone or they’ve forgotten that they already have a feud.

The Sinister Minister is with the Unholy Alliance and their book on witchcraft sets itself on fire.

Rhino says he wants this match with Van Dam because he wants to prove how great he is. God won’t be able to recognize Van Dam after Rhino beats his face so bad.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Unholy Alliance

The FBI (Mamaluke and Guido) are defending. They’re now all Italians, turning them from the comedy act they used to be into a fully serious group and defeating the purpose of putting them together in the face place. Both members of the Alliance (Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck) are in white masks with red paint around the eyes. Mikey one ups Tajiri though with a hat from Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Mamaluke’s weight is given in liquid ounces.

It’s a brawl to start of course with the challengers taking over. Some hard kicks to the head have the Italians in big trouble and stereo dropkicks below the belt have the Italians reeling. Things settle down to Guido vs. Tajiri as Mikey posts Big Sal on the floor. Mamaluke gets put in the Tree of Woe for the running baseball slide from Tajiri. Sinister Minister adds some fire between Mamaluke’s legs and Guido gets kicked in the chest a lot.

Mikey hammers away on Tony but Mamaluke hits him low to take over. The Italians hit a double powerbomb out of the corner for two on Whipwreck. Guido’s middle rope Fameasser (Sicilian Slice) gets two on Mikey but he catches Tony in a wheelbarrow facebuster. Tajiri comes in and cleans house with kicks to the head, only to get caught in a German suplex from Mamaluke. Guido breaks up Mikey’s rollup with a legdrop but gets the green mist to the face.

The Whippersnapper gets two as Big Sal pulls the referee to the floor. The Minister tries to go after Sal and gets crushed against the barricade. Guido sends Mikey outside and Sal throws in a belt, only to have Tajiri take it away and pelt it at Sal. An Asai Moonsault puts Sal down again but Guido nails Mikey with a title belt, setting up a kind of double powerbomb for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The match was so much better because it actually meant something. Just having the title back is a great feeling and now all those other matches could build up to another title match. I have no idea why Heyman waited so long to bring the belts back but it came at a good time with the tag division being deeper than it has been in years.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam

Rhino, the champion, jumps Van Dam during the introductions and they quickly go outside. Both guys are whipped into the barricade but Rhino knocks him into the fans. They brawl around the arena with Rhino in full control and sending Rob through another barricade. Back to ringside and Rob nails a quick kick to the head followed by a Van Daminator with Alfonso’s help. Rob dives over the top rope to take Rhino down again.

Back in and Van Dam skateboards the chair into Rhino’s face but a springboard is knocked out of the air with a middle rope clothesline for two. The Gore in the corner puts Rob down but Rhino stops to set up a table on the floor. A second table is thrown into the ring and set up in the corner but Rhino puts on a chinlock. Back up and Rob nails a spinning kick to the face but comes up with a bloody nose. A Van Daminator misses and Rhino pelts the chair at Van Dam’s head to make things even worse.

Rob comes up with a fireman’s carry slam into a middle rope moonsault (so much for the selling) followed by the Five Star for two. A telling sign: the fans didn’t move because they know a main event match isn’t ending that early. The Gore puts Rob down and the piledriver through the table wakes the fans up a bit. Back in and Rob nails a quick Van Daminator and loads up the Van Terminator but Justin Credible runs out for a distraction. Rob tries the Terminator anyway but Rhino pulls Alfonso in the way. A Gore through the table and a piledriver onto the chair retains Rhino’s title.

Rating: C-. This was nowhere near what it should have been for a few reasons. First and foremost, the match was a big spotfest with only a little wrestling in between. It also doesn’t help that the ending was one of the last things the fans wanted to see. Now that being said, it makes Rhino look like even more of a monster than before and in theory sets up Rob vs. Justin for the title, which should be a walkover for Van Dam. This is ECW though and by late 2000 Rob still hasn’t been World Champion, so I don’t have the highest hopes.

Rob checks on Alfonso after the match and realizes how bad he might be hurt.

We look at a lot of replays and Joey claims a fast count. That may be the case, but ECW referees always counted their pins faster than the average referee.

The announcers hype up the main event to kill more time.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending and comes out in a Bret Favre Green Bay Packers jersey (big rival to the Minnesota Vikings) for the easy heat. Francine has taped up ribs. Lynn is the hometown boy and gets the reaction to go with it. They start slow and head to the mat where an armdrag frustrates Justin out to the floor for an argument with a fan. Back in and they trade chops with Lynn getting the better of it. Neither guy can hit their finisher so Jerry settles for a middle rope bulldog and a headlock.

Justin is sent to the floor again for Lynn’s big dive off the top but he might have hurt his elbow. Back in and a swinging Boss Man Slam from the champion puts both guys down again. We get a chair brought in for the drop toehold onto its back to give Justin two. A sitout powerbomb out of the corner onto the chair gets the same and the fight heads up the aisle. Justin hammers away by the barricade and it’s back inside the ring.

Lynn grabs a DDT to plant Justin on the chair for a delayed two. Credible comes back with a front facelock as the fans get on his nerves. He stops and grabs a mic to talk trash about Lynn and Minneapolis, causing the fans to throw in a bunch of beer cups. Back to the front facelock after that minute and a half were wasted. They trade near falls for two each until Justin hits that running release DDT to take over.

Lynn kicks the chair into Justin’s face to get a breather but gets sent to the apron, only to come back with a jumping leg to the back of Justin’s head, driving the champion throat first across the middle rope. A guillotine legdrop gets two for Lynn and it’s table time. Justin gets laid on the table but Francine offers a distraction to allow Justin to slam Lynn through the table. A sunset bomb out of the corner gets two for Credible but he walks into the cradle piledriver for another near fall.

That’s Incredible gives Justin two and the fans are right back into this. Credible superkicks the referee down by mistake but Lynn rolls him up. The same referee that Joey said gave a fast count on Van Dam comes in and counts two but stops and waves his finger at Lynn. A belt shot to the head gets a fast two on Lynn and the crooked referee nails Lynn in the head. That’s Incredible gets two more as New Jack comes out for the save. The crooked referee and Lynn counters That’s Incredible into a cradle tombstone for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but it has a lot of issues. Above all else, this would have meant a lot more if it came about a year and a half ago. ECW completely missed the boat on Lynn when he was on fire and now it’s a nice but mostly meaningless moment. Second, beating Justin Credible makes me wonder what took so long to get there. The guy just did not belong in the main event and everyone seemed to know it. The match itself was just ok with way more overbooking than needed, especially with the story they were trying to tell. At least Lynn will have some good matches as champion though.

The locker room empties out for Lynn to give a speech but the microphone doesn’t work. Instead everyone just stands around to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The show wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in the series but it’s certainly not a good entry either. The problem here is there’s nothing interesting going on until the ending. Almost everything here feels like it was just thrown together, which is likely true due to the impending cancellation of the show. Lynn getting the title is a good idea, but the fans still see Van Dam as the top guy, and there’s no reason he’s not at worst a former World Champion at this point. You can see that things are dying and it’s not likely to get much better.

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