We’re two weeks removed from one of the biggest shows of the year and that means we’re ready for another major pay per view which will likely change the way “Wrestlemania XXXIII” looks. That’s right, it’s time for “Elimination Chamber 2017”, a “Smackdown Live” show with two matches containing eighteen wrestlers between them. It’s a rather interesting looking card so let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Mojo Rawley vs. Curt Hawkins
It’s quite the change to go from a Tag Team Title match to this in the span of two weeks. I’m not sure if this really is the best they can do but it really does show how limited the “Smackdown Live” roster is in some places. This seems more like a match that should set up a tag team later on but for now, we’ve got the two of them fighting in the battle over who was a better partner for Zack Ryder.
I’ll go with Rawley here as he seems to have the bigger upside since Hawkins’ character has died a horrible death since having an interesting debut. Rawley could be something with his ridiculous charisma but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough to carry him past the midcard. At least he’s getting a shot here but it’s going to take more than the Hammer Time dance. He’ll likely win here though.
Women’s Title: Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss
It makes sense to get some of these out of the way as there are three women’s matches on this one show. We’ll start with Bliss defending the title in a pretty thrown together match, which actually isn’t as much of a layup as it seems. I know Naomi is the athletic freak who always seems to come up just short of winning the big one but Bliss seems vulnerable enough for Naomi to finally pull it off.
That being said, I don’t think she actually does it and Bliss will retain here. Bliss has turned into one heck of a champion and there are a lot of options to take the title off of her in a really big way. Losing it to Naomi at “Elimination Chamber 2017” really isn’t all that big of a deal and I can’t imagine Naomi defending the thing at the biggest show of the year. So yeah, Bliss retains in a match that could range from highly entertaining to a horrible disaster.
Kalisto/Apollo Crews vs. Dolph Ziggler
Can someone explain this one to me without making my head hurt very badly? From what I can gather, Crews and Kalisto have beaten the heel Ziggler now but due to him attacking both of them with chairs, they now get to fight him at the same time. You know, the faces getting the advantage over the heel who is supposed to be the one getting the big push out of this.
Somehow though, Ziggler probably wins here and we completely forget about his losses because that’s how things work in WWE: nothing matters until the ending, which makes things even dumber than they were in the first place. Kalisto and Crews aren’t likely to go anywhere (aside from a big ladder match for the Intercontinental Title) and for some reason WWE still things Ziggler is going to be the big deal all these years later. At least he’ll retain his title as most overrated and uninteresting performer in WWE.
Nikki Bella vs. Natalya
Now here’s the real women’s main event because we don’t know how much longer Bella is going to be around for us to call her fearless and stand in awe of her greatness. Again I’m not sure what the story is supposed to be here as Bella has looked like an idiot for not realizing that Natalya attacked her at “Survivor Series 2016” while everyone else knew it. Then there was something about who sells the most t-shirts and a potential wedding to John Cena because EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BELLA AND CENA GETTING MARRIED ONE DAY BECAUSE….sorry this isn’t “Total Divas” so we’ll move on.
Naturally Bella wins because Natalya is just a wrestler (yeah earlier this week, Bella said Natalya is only a great wrestler. I love that we’ve somehow reached the point where “YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT WHAT WE’RE DOING!” is the biggest insult that can be mustered and by a face no less. Bella wins of course and I continue to try to figure out what the heck she’s talking about.
Luke Harper vs. Randy Orton
In a way this is one of the more interesting matches on the card, even though there’s only one way it could possibly go. It’s kind of hard to get behind the concept of Harper having a chance here as Orton is on his way to “Wrestlemania XXXIII” but at least we could get a strong performance out of him, as Harper is so often known to deliver. The idea here of Orton taking Bray Wyatt’s attention and Harper turning on the team as a result is interesting but it’s not enough here.
So of course Orton wins and I don’t think there’s an easier match on the show to predict. Orton is on a higher level than Harper right now (and has been for his entire career of course) so there isn’t exactly a ton of doubt to this one, nor should there be. If this were at another show with Orton not coming off winning the Royal Rumble, I might be able to be tempted into an upset pick but it’s just not happening here.
Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James
We’ll wrap up the ladies’ trifecta here with a straight grudge match. James says that she was the one who should get the credit for the Women’s Revolution while Lynch says James left when things started getting tough (of course we know that it was really Stephanie McMahon who started the Revolution by just talking about it). This was preceded by James dressing up like a luchadora, which kind of fits her given how off the wall she can be at times.
I think I’ll go with James here as I can’t bring myself to say WWE will go with Lynch as we head into “Wrestlemania XXXIII”. There’s a logic to having Lynch fight back and regain the title in Orlando but I have a feeling we’re more likely to get a big multi-woman tag or some mess like that instead. Therefore, James wins here and Lynch lives to fight another day, as is the case so often with her.
Tag Team Turmoil
There are so many teams in this match that aren’t worth mentioning so I’ll just go with the defending American Alpha and their most likely challengers, the Usos. There’s just no reason to believe that the other four teams have any real chance of winning so we’ll just go with these guys, assuming there’s no debuting team added on to the end.
That being said, I’ll take Alpha to retain and continue their rather ho-hum title reign. The problem here is the same thing that has plagued so many NXT talents: WWE feels the need to take everything that makes the team work in the first place and then get rid of those things for the sake of….well I have no idea actually. Alpha wins here and prays every night that the Revival is called up and half the roster gets a bad case of the flu.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin vs. The Miz
And then there’s this, which depends on how much you believe in rumors and dirtsheets. If you buy into them, this is Wyatt’s all the way and his match with Orton is pretty much set in stone. If you don’t though, you have some options. To get it out of the way, Corbin, Ambrose (already Intercontinental Champion) and Miz are flat out not winning. That leaves us with three viable options.
Cena could certainly retain and go on to face someone at “Wrestlemania XXXIII”, though I’m not sure who that’s going to be. There’s also the chance of putting it back on Styles, though again, who would he face in Orlando? Cena again? I really can’t picture them going with that.
Given that I write for one, of course I’m going with the dirtsheets and picking Wyatt, which unfortunately means we’ll have to hear JBL’s ridiculous commentary talking about how evil Wyatt is going to be. Anyway, Wyatt winning is the logical choice here but I’m really worried about how the rest of the blue side is going to fall out for the big show.
This is one of the weirdest cards I’ve ever seen and that could mean multiple things. This could be a show where everything is a mess and shows off how horrible the Brand Split is or it could be one of the biggest surprises of the year. The whole thing is built around how well the main event goes and with the talent in there, I can’t imagine it being anything but solid at worst. I’m looking forward to the show but it still doesn’t need to exist.
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