Impact Wrestling – October 5, 2017: I’m Getting Tired Of Saying This

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 5, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Bound For Glory and fresh off another show that ended in chaos with the American Top Team guys cleaning house. World Champion Eli Drake actually got to do something though as he and Chris Adonis got to beat down Johnny Impact and Garza Jr., who is now involved in the main event scene for some reason. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Lance Russell.

We get a Pray For Vegas graphic.

We open with a recap of Johnny Impact vs. Eli Drake last week with Impact getting cheated out of the title. Johnny wants a fair rematch.

Opening sequence.

Here are Drake and Adonis to open things up. Drake talks about driving down Victory Road last week and pulling straight into Slam Town. He turned the ghetto into a parking lot and built Eli’s Cakes on top. Eli: “YUMMY! YEAH!” Johnny isn’t here tonight and there’s a good chance he won’t get back after that Gravy Train he took last week.

Drake turns his sights to Jim Cornette, whose golden boy couldn’t get the job done. Cornette has brought up every challenger he can and next week he’s sending the champ to Japan. Since he has to go halfway around the world next week, he’s getting the night off tonight. As for Adonis though, he wants to fight so let’s get an opponent out here right now.

Chris Adonis vs. Garza Jr.

Adonis is in street clothes and Drake joins commentary. Garza scores with a series of kicks for two but Adonis takes over on the arm. Back up and a hurricanrana takes Adonis out to the floor but he drops Garza onto the barricade as we take a break. We come back with Garza fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a butterfly suplex.

Adonis cranks on both arms as this match just keeps going. Seriously it’s Chris Masters vs. the local luchador. Why is this getting ten minutes? A spinebuster plants Garza but we cut to the back where Johnny Impact arrives. The Adonis Lock doesn’t work as Garza sends him into the corner. Drake bails to feed the parking meter and THERE GO GARZA’S PANTS!!! The Lionsault misses and Impact runs in for the DQ at 12:00.

Rating: D-. We just sat through Chris Masters vs. the luchador whose big spot is taking his pants off for twelve minutes with a run-in DQ. That’s the best thing they have to open the show? Horrible stuff here as Adonis really isn’t interesting and hasn’t changed a bit since he was in WWE. Find something more interesting than this.

Post match Impact beats up Adonis but gets in a fight with Garza. Cue Jim Cornette to make Impact vs. Garza Jr. for next week (yay). He throws in a bonus: the winner will be facing Drake for the title at Bound For Glory. So Garza goes from a midcard tag guy to possibly #1 contender for the World Title in the main event of the biggest show of the year in a few weeks? Even Jinder Mahal would think that’s extreme. Garza and Impact brawl some more. By the way, the total time between Cornette coming up and the music playing after his announcement: 87 seconds.

Recap of Moose vs. Bobby Lashley, which of course features the American Top Team guys. Good grief why do they think we care?

Moose is in a parked car looking for Lashley. He’s heading for the American Top Team headquarters.

Wrestlers are ready for Bound For Glory.

We look at OVE winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

Konnan yells at LAX for losing so Santana gets in his face. The card table is turned over.

OVE vs. Jon Bolen/Trey McGill

Non-title. Jake starts with Bolen but gets waistlocked for his efforts. A high crossbody and neckbreaker drop Bolen and McGill is sent outside as well. Jake drops both of them with a double suicide dive, followed by Dave’s Asai moonsault. Back in and OVE kicks McGill in the head a few times and let’s plug those Pop TV sitcoms. A High/Low puts Bolen away at 3:38.

Rating: D+. Just a quick win here to further establish OVE as stars. It would be nice if they established some other teams though as I’m not sure who OVE is supposed to feud with after they presumably defeat LAX in the rematch at the pay per view. The tag division is one of the company’s weakest points and that’s really covering a lot of ground.

We recap James Storm/Ethan Carter III vs. the AAA guys, who completely hate this company because the script tells them to.

Here are KM and Sienna with the latter complaining about not having a match on Bound For Glory. No one has a match on the show yet you nitwit. She says she’s going into the Hall of Fame this year so here’s Gail Kim to interrupt. Gail wants her show at the Knockouts Championship Title (still such an odd way to word it) at Bound For Glory.

Cue Taryn Terrell to say she was the longest reigning Knockouts Champion in history and wants a chance to get the title back. Now it’s Allie coming out with Josh seemingly liking her look this week. The other three might be former Knockouts Champions but she’s Allie and deserves another chance to become champion. Cue Karen Jarrett to say Sienna isn’t going into the Hall of Fame. Yes, they actually felt that we needed that explained to us. It’s also a four way for the title at Bound For Glory.

Joseph Park has a meet and greet scheduled for Grado but Grado thinks the prices are a little high. Park says you can charge these marks anything. He pays Grado what seems to be a small amount of money but Grado again seems happy with it.

Caleb Konley/Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee vs. Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams/Matt Sydal

Remember like three weeks ago when Sydal was getting a World Title shot? Or remember like fourteen years ago when people cared about Petey Williams? I mean you should, as it’s the only reason he’s in this spot at the moment. Everything breaks down just a few seconds in with the villains taking over early on, only to be sent into each other. A triple dropkick sends them outside, followed by an apron moonsault and a double suicide dive.

Back from a break with Dutt and Sydal legsweeping Lee and Konley to set up stereo standing moonsaults. Dutt gets kneed in the back and kicked in the face as the beating begins. Konley works on the arm as the announcers talk about the villains’ unity for wearing all black gear. Or they want to make sure no one recognizes them on this show.

Dutt grabs a tornado DDT while dropkicking everyone else, setting up the hot tag to Petey so house can be cleaned in a hurry. Everything breaks down and Sydal’s top rope double knees takes Lee down. Matt throws Lee into Everett on the top, followed by the shooting star to end Everett at 14:31.

Rating: C. I’m not even going to bother with the sarcasm here. It was a completely watchable cruiserweight match that means a grand total of nothing because they’re going to be thrown into an Ultimate X match for the title where no one gets to showcase any individuality and the whole thing is about crazy spots that we’ve seen before and we hear about how important the X-Division is despite it never getting any focus. We’ve heard the same thing for the better part of ten years now and I’m tired of pretending it’s going to change.

Dutt wants the title shot at Bound For Glory and the winners get in an argument over who should have the chance. Just announce Ultimate X already so it can be over hyped.

Here’s this week’s Global Forged.

Sydal, Dutt and Williams argue in Cornette’s office. Cornette storms out.

Laurel Van Ness is back in the audience looking a husband.

Moose arrives at the gym and shoves Dan Lambert away. He gets in a cage but a fighter punches him in the face so the beatdown can be on. They throw Moose out of the building.

Ethan Carter III/James Storm vs. El Hijo de Fantasma/Texano Jr.

In what is becoming a trend, this is getting nearly half an hour. Storm takes Texano down to start as JB hypes this as main eventers vs. main eventers. Carter and Storm get in an argument over a tag though and it’s Fantasma sneaking in for a cheap shot to take over. Storm slips over and makes the tag to Carter for a flapjack on Texano.

The TK3 gets two but Fantasma gets the same off a dropkick. Carter is taken into the heel corner for some stomping, followed by a hard kick to the chest for two. It’s off to the chinlock for a bit until Carter fights up, only to have Pagano come strolling down. Back from a break with Carter still in trouble via some more choking on the ropes.

Texano adds in a jawbreaker and shouts in Spanish for Fantasma to go up. That means a missed splash though and a cutter allows the hot tag to Storm. Everything breaks down again and Storm starts to clean house. It must not be a very big house though as Fantasma superkicks him down, only to get crotched on top. He hasn’t had much luck up there.

The Tower of Doom takes everyone down and thing slow a bit. Carter is thrown outside and then into the post by Pagano as Eddie Edwards not being here to even things out is likely going to be a plot point. Storm loads up a suplex, only to have Pagano trip him up and hold the leg so Fantasma can get the pin at 19:50.

Rating: D+. This one boils down to whether this story interests you or not. It doesn’t in my case as I still have no reason to care about any of the AAA guys, nor do any of them have any motivation to be heels other than they’re from another company. That’s not enough of a story for my taste and I really didn’t need to see a completely average at best tag match going on for twenty minutes.

We go back to the LAX club house where Konnan has a big idea: a street fight at Bound For Glory. Everyone leaves to party and Low Ki is shaking his head.

Overall Rating: D. The show still feels completely flat as almost nothing interesting happened all night long. A big part of that is the roster being filled by so many outsiders, be they from MMA or AAA. It’s one thing if the matches are tearing the house down or something (like the lucha libre in ECW where they were a bunch of outsiders but stealing the show in a way no one had seen in America before) but that’s not what we’re getting here.

Instead it’s a bunch of average matches with very weak stories that aren’t drawing in any special interest. Odds are the MMA guys get in the ring at Bound For Glory, which hasn’t been interesting before and won’t be this time either. Either way, I’m sure we’ll be told that it’s the most thrilling thing we’ve ever seen and how the company is changing wrestling.

What GFW doesn’t seem to get is that changing wrestling isn’t always a good thing and just being different for the sake of being different doesn’t work. They need a focus and I really haven’t seen that in a long time. Figure out what you want to be and go with it, but just bringing in a bunch of people from another promotion whose entire characters are “this person is from this promotion and they’re awesome” isn’t enough. The show wasn’t terrible by any stretch but it also was one of the least interesting ones they’ve done in a good while, which is the case way too often around here.

Results

Chris Adonis b. Garza Jr. via DQ when Johnny Impact interfered

OVE b. Jon Bolen/Trey McGill – High/Low to Bolen

Matt Sydal/Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams b. Trevor Lee/Caleb Konley/Andrew Everett – Shooting star press to Everett

Texano/El Hijo de Fantasma b. James Storm/Ethan Carter III – Crossbody to Storm

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