Lockdown 2008
Date: April 13, 2008
Location: Tsongas Arena, Lowell, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

Lockdown very well may be the dumbest idea for a PPV that I’ve ever heard of in my life. Let’s think about this for a minute. For one thing, they’re actually putting matches like Gail Kim and ODB vs. Kong and Saed in there. That’s the biggest problem: so many of these matches flat out do not need to be inside a cage, which ties into the second problem: the matches that actually belong in the cage like Lethal Lockdown and Joe vs. Angle 19 or whatever it was are cheapened because weaker matches are in the cage as well.

As for matches tonight, TNA FINALLY is pulling the trigger on Joe, two years after they should have which means everything is all well and good. Other than that it’s of course Team Christian vs. Team Top Heel of the Month in Lethal Lockdown, their version of War Games. Let’s get to it.

Tenay says that tonight Joe’s life is on the line and that apparently all he knows is wrestling. Yeah TNA doesn’t get overdramatic at all. The video is about how EVIL, yes EVIL I say that steel is. They have a Latin prayer or something. TNA always went WAY too far with these things.

The fans are energetic if nothing else. JB and West are in the stands which is a cool idea I guess. It’s been done a million times but not in awhile.

X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed vs. Curry Man

So the idea here is elimination but once you get down to two you have to get out of the cage. I always liked Curry Man. He was based off of a commercial that Daniels saw in India I believe. If nothing else you certainly remember him don’t you. Good night Devine is bland. He’s the X-Division traitor at the moment and hanging out with Team 3D. It went nowhere.

Creed is a guy that had his character completely changed as he started out like R-Truth was supposed to be and is now a total comedy character. Sonjay is Lethal and Socal Val’s best friend, so of course he would turn on them in like a month to take the title and Val. And this is the era of Stone Cold Shark Boy. This was so stupid I actually got headaches from it. Oh and Lethal is still Macho Man.

So we have a guy that would become Apollo Creed, a guy impersonating Steve Austin, a guy impersonating Macho Man, a guy as an Indian guru, a guy imitating an Indian curry commercial, and a guy named Johnny Devine that is bland . Does anyone else thing that this sounds like a bad parody instead of a match? Also note that it’s taken 11 minutes and 49 seconds for the first bell to ring.

Wait, they have to TAG? Dutt and Devine start as my head is hurting more and more here every second. One thing that TNA got very right with the cage matches: putting a hole in the cage to get camera shots with nothing barring the shot. Now we just get completely ridiculous with the spots. I mean they just don’t even try to make it seem like they aren’t totally planned out.

After Dutt saves Lethal he gets rolled up by Devine for the pin to begin the wedge between the two of them. Creed hits a bad DDT on Shark Boy after Curry Man messes up and he’s out. Something tells me this is supposed to be epic and it’s just failing completely. We go back to nothing but big spots that are completely insane but make for good TV when you don’t think too hard about them.

After a dive off the top of the very tall cage that should have killed him, Curry Man hits a Burning Hammer which is called the Spice Rack to put Creed out. Devine, the idiot that he is, breaks up the pin on Lethal to hit the Devine Intervention, a double underhook piledriver, on Curry Man to get us down to one on one under elimination rules. Devine puts him down but Dutt won’t let him go through the door. What a great face move to do there. And Lethal dives out the door to win. That was just stupid for an ending.

Rating: C-. Well, considering what they were going for with the opener here, this was ok. The spots were RIDICULOUS looking though and I hated the ending. You could see Dutt getting ticked off slowly but surely and the feud was coming soon. It sucked too.

Frank Trigg is in the back and says that both guys are getting ready. Good to know. The problem here is that Trigg might as well be Angle’s twin. He had an ok TV presence but they went a bit stupid here by trying to make this an MMA fight when it was a wrestling match. To be fair though, this was a good idea to have a legit MMA guy come in and give an analysis here.

Roxxi vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Salinas vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Traci vs. Christy vs. Jacqueline

Yep 8 knockouts in a single cage is JUST fine. I still think Christy Hemme is a robot. No human can look that good. Has ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, ever cared about Jackie? EVER? Traci Brooks comes out to Aerosmith’s Rag Doll. I hardly ever notice those things. Somehow the rules are as follows: you fight on the floor and the first two INSIDE the cage have a one on one match. Could this be any stupider?

So wait, the idea of this show is that every match is INSIDE the cage right? I’m not confused on that am I? And after about 2 minutes Love and Roxxi get in with ease. The match is about three minutes long and while it’s ok, that’s just it: it’s ok. It’s not particularly good or bad. It’s just ok. I think this one gets the it’s just there rating, as there’s nothing to talk about here and it’s hardly bad either. Roxxi gets a shot at Kong for this which she wouldn’t win.

Rating: F. It’s failing for just being stupid. At a show about cages, there was a match outside a cage where the point was to get into the cage. In what wrestling universe does that even begin to make sense in?

Lauren makes her TNA debut here and GOOD FREAKING NIGHT she looks amazing. She looks like Jenny McCarthy back when McCarthy looked hot. Joe says he’s not retiring. No really? Apparently Joe will sacrifice his life to be champion. Again, TONE IT DOWN.

Kip James (Billy Gunn) cuts the most cue card based promo that I’ve ever heard about being an animal in a cage.

BG James (Road Dogg) says he’s coming for James.

BG James vs. Kip James

Seriously, how has this match not happened before? This started as Roadie won a tag title shot in Feast or Fired and had his 60+ year old father be his partner of all things. No one bought it and this is what it was setting up. This should have been the finals of the 99 KOTR but that would have made sense so there we go. Billy breaks out a Diamond Cutter of all things to counter the punches of Roadie. Sorry, I refuse to call him Kip James.

Roadie is easier to type than BG James also, even though that really is closer than Jesse James. The problem with this whole PPV shows up again: while this could actually be a decent feud/match, the first match of it simply doesn’t belong in a cage as it’s just a regular match but in a cage. A Fameasser gets two and then a low blow has both guys down.

Naturally the finish sucks: Billy stomps his foot three times before going for a splash which misses and Roadie rolls him up for the pin. They do the reunion for about two seconds and Kip does the heel turn which no one cares about but of course it’s evil and no one saw it coming. After a bad and short feud with Matt Morgan, Billy would be Cute Kip to just end any shred of credibility he had.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this again? Actually that’s not a fair question. This match actually had a point. However, giving them seven minutes in a pointless cage match is just freaking stupid by TNA as they throw away a potentially kind of big match with no time and a terrible finish. Makes sense at least.

Angle says he wanted to come to TNA to fight Joe. And he did: this is match number 5. Angle looks like he’s under 200lbs here. Oh and it’s personal here.

Rock N Rave Infection vs. MCMG vs. Eric Young/Kaz vs. LAX vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams vs. Black Reign/Rellik

This is Cuffed in the Cage: all 12 in the match at once and it’s elimination by being cuffed to a rope, last man standing gets his team a shot at the tag titles at a future date. Reign and Rellik (Killer backwards. Clever huh?) beat up Eric backstage before they can come out. The entrances take a few hours or so. Oh and Black Reign (Goldust but a cheap knockoff that no one bought) and Killer are supposed to be monsters. This is idiotic.

How in the WORLD have the Guns not been tag champions yet? There are two sets of tag titles in TNA (don’t even get me started on how freaking stupid that is) and they can’t get one of them. That’s just stupid. Oh LAX already have a title shot, so they’re getting a chance to get a second one here, because it would make NO SENSE to take two people out of here to, oh I don’t know, unclutter the stupid thing a tiny bit???

This was back when Petey was Maple Leaf Muscle, as in a tiny version of Steiner. Is this supposed to be Mexico or something? Steiner just beats the heck out of everyone until LAX takes him down. About four people get him cuffed to eliminate him. What would be smart here? Perhaps having him leave? Nope, that would make too much sense, so he just stays in the cage cuffed to the cage. Someone was actually paid to think of this. That’s just sad.

Young comes down and gets scared by the monsters. You can’t tell a thing that’s going on because THERE ARE ELEVEN PEOPLE IN THERE AT ONCE. Sabin and Shelley get cuffed at the same time. Petey is put out and I just couldn’t care less. The problem here is that you get some decent stuff and spots but there are just so many people in there and the camera jumps around so much that you can’t tell a stupid thing at all. LAX are both out.

Kaz is out as we have Killer and Rock N Rave and Black Reign left. The fans already get the idea as they chant Super Eric. The idea is this: Eric Young puts on a shirt, a mask and a cape and all of a sudden he’s not scared anymore and is a tough fighter. This is making me lose intelligence very rapidly. He does a HUGE dive off the top of the cage to put four guys down. Ok that was pretty cool looking. Hoyt (Vance Archer) is put out.

The other problem becomes that no one can move anywhere as there are people on so many parts of the cage. Oh Jimmy Rave is out too. Young gets the two monsters to win the thing. To further drain my intelligence, here’s how this played out. Eric and Kaz won the tag titles (why they’re not being defended here and why the X Title isn’t being defended here is beyond me.

Tomko and AJ FREAKING STYLES were the tag champions, yet they’re not on the PPV. Upon further review they’re in the Lethal Lockdown match so that makes it a bit better) at the next Impact but because Super Eric wasn’t the guy Kaz entered the match with they didn’t get the titles.

Instead they were held up and a whole PPV, Sacrifice, was dedicated to getting new champions with LAX and 3D fighting in the finals of the Deuces Wild tag tournament where you had random partners fighting established teams but the random partners WON NO MATCHES. THIS WAS PRAISED by TNA fans. They thought this was a good idea.

Rating: F-. This was just so freaking stupid that I can’t believe it exists. Seriously, TWELVE PEOPLE in the cage at once and you handcuff them to eliminate them. I wanted wrestling, not some screwed up sex fantasy that even Vince McMahon would say slow down when offered. Seriously, screw Dave Meltzer. He said that Edge vs. HHH vs. Kozlov was worse than this? Dave is a brilliant guy, but his anti-WWE bias gets out of hands at times.

And we go to Samoa Joe’s family who are dressed in “traditional” clothing. This makes my head hurt. Yes because Samoans apparently have no idea of what the modern world is like and they all wear grass for clothing. If nothing else though, Lauren is entering Hemme territory in hotness.

We recap the Knockouts tag match which again doesn’t belong in a cage match.

Gail Kim/ODB vs. Awesome Kong/Raisha Saeed

Please…make it quick. Don’t get me wrong, three of the four here are very talented, but WHY IS THIS IN A CAGE? You can’t just call it a grudge match and make it interesting. I get the feud here, and it should be a decent match, but the cage is just freaking pointless here. Kong and ODB start us off. Both of the faces want Saeed for some reason that isn’t covered at all because that would be too helpful.

Oh apparently she’s cost both faces the title which Kong holds. I found that online, not from here of course. She’s more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa, who is amazingly talented and very good looking as well. Kong rams Kim’s head into the cage to turn the tide. Kong hasn’t actually been in the match yet by the way. Dang it how do I time these things so well?

She beats the living tar out of Kim who is half dead already. And Kong is already out again. ODB comes in to clean house as she was being pushed very hard around this time. Naturally nothing ever came of it as they had Kong beat her anyway. Everyone is in now and the referee says nothing, meaning they never needed to tag at all. Gail gets a SWEET hurricanrana from the top of the cage. Kong accidentally knocks the heck out of Saeed and a splash from ODB ends it.

Rating: D+. The match was indeed fine, but there was no point to having this on PPV. It’s ok, but it’s just ok, and that’s the problem here. Why should I pay money to see this? Nothing was accomplished as Roxxi had the title shot next and Kong wasn’t even involved in the pin. The wrestling is fine and even good at times, but why is this on PPV is what I want to know.

Karen Angle is here and it’s no shock now that Jarrett slept with her. She supports Kurt.

We take a SPECIAL look at Booker vs. Robert Roode. Why is it special? We’re never told but we know it’s SPECIAL. Roode makes a great point: he keeps moving up the charts and someone from WWE kept showing up and instantly being handed a push. He’s absolutely right. The feud is over Roode accidentally hitting Sharmell, and no one would want that of course.

The announce guy calls this a towering inferno of rage. Do I even need to make fun of this? Naturally it’s a mixed tag instead of one on one, because Booker was so nervous about his wife being hurt that he has her in a match here. Oh and it was a punch heard around the world. It wasn’t even heard around Wrestlezone.

Peyton Banks/Robert Roode vs. Booker T/Sharmell

They don’t even try to hide the theme music being a rip off here. Ok so the match is now over and I have the same complaints I had for the previous match: why is this in a cage and why is this on PPV? Literally, the girls are in there for 30 seconds total as it’s all Booker vs. Roode and then Sharmell is tagged in and rolls up Banks for the pin.

It’s just Booker vs. Roode again in a feud that went on for like 6 months and no one really cared about it. I mean the match is ok, but again that’s just it: it’s just ok. Why should I want to pay my money to watch this show? I can’t think of a reason to do so. Roode leaves Banks in the ring and goes back on his own.

Rating: D. This was the same thing as the previous match but the previous one had better wrestling in it. This is the big problem that the company has with this show and I’ve said it a dozen times now I think: not every match needs to be in a cage. It’s complete overkill and makes no sense at all, and that’s what’s going on here. If this was a regular match, it’s probably a C or so.

We go to the gorgeous Lauren who is with Marcus Davis who trained Joe for the fight. Again, I get the idea, but this is wrestling, not MMA.

We look at Lethal Lockdown. The rules are just like WarGames but with one ring and after the last person comes in the roof comes down and there are weapons attached, and only then can you win the match. It’s kind of a nice twist but this needs to be 3 on 3 and not 5 on 5 as one ring is just too much. Oh and you can win by pin. That’s fine.

Team Cage vs. Team Tomko

Christian, Nash, Sting, Rhino, Matt Morgan
Tomko, Bubba, D-Von, AJ Styles, James Storm

Remember that AJ is a comedy heel here so the talent is a bit one sided. Christian and AJ start as the smarks explode. Tomko teases being number one for his team but he sends AJ in instead. Now remember they’re going for five minutes and then after the coin toss whoever wins will have a two minute advantage and after that two minutes the losing team makes it 2-2.

That continues until all ten are in. Ten men are WAY too many but I love me some WarGames so this is fun. The heel team of course wins to continue the tradition. AJ is freaking amazing. He might be better at this point than he is now if you can believe that. AJ is dominating here and we have another heel coming. What is our future ECW Champion going to do???

Christian takes over for a bit but we get back to even as Brother Ray comes out. One of the beauties of this match is that you have seventeen minutes at least of wrestling before you get to the finale of the match. It’s a nice little break from those never ending matches that get rather boring.

Ray wears a Yankees jersey and remember we’re just outside of Boston (those teams hate each other for you non baseball fans). And Ray uses a Boston Crab. That’s just amusing. Rhyno ties us up. Didn’t they hate each other for like ever? The clock is ten kinds of messed up now so it’s anyone’s guess how close they get to the right time. James Storm comes out maybe a minute and twenty seconds later. He’s got Jackie with him. Yeah I don’t care either.

He and Roode would hook up soon. For no explainable reason AJ climbs the cage and he and Christian fight on the top but Christian climbs down on the outside and gets knocked to the floor. Nash ties it up but Christian is still on the floor. He launches an AWESOME high cross body to Bubba and Storm. That was sweet looking. D-Von comes in after maybe a minute.

The clock is completely insane, but I can’t criticize it as the Royal Rumble is never anywhere close. I never remember a team that turns face or heel faster than 3D. I like the booking here as they’re letting the heels dominate when they’re way behind in talent but the booking is realistic. Matt Morgan comes in next and he’s as green as possible. He had been Cornette’s bodyguard forever but never got in the ring until here. We know it’s Tomko and Sting left so that’s no mystery.

There’s a lot of laying around here but you have to do that in a sense here as there are just too many people in there. AJ and Matt hook up for awhile which is a PPV main event someday if they quit messing around with Morgan. Oh that’s right: we need to have Hogan’s boys in the main event. Christian and Tomko go at it as the two captains which is always interesting.

D-Von is bleeding pretty well. The fans want Sting. Everyone stops to meet Sting but he pulls a 96 WarGames and beats them all up by himself. In a cool spot, Sting throws AJ up like for a back body drop but just kicks him in the balls instead. The roof with the weapons is lowered. Everybody grabs one as they have them on the roof too. Yeah they’re not even bothering trying to hide that they’re going up there.

Oh ok there’s a trap door so it’s more obvious. I kind of like that. Storm and Christian go up there which unclutters the ring a bit as it badly needs. There’s a bit hole in the roof which is kind of a cool visual. Nash and Morgan do a double chokeslam on 3D. AJ grabs a kendo stick and just massacres people with it. We have a table on the roof and AJ heads up there too so there are three up there and seven in the ring. AJ sets up a ladder ON TOP OF THE CAGE. Once he climbs it, he might be higher up than on top of the HIAC. I’m pretty sure he is.

As someone afraid of heights, that’s scary to me. Christian climbs up too and Storm shoves the ladder over. Nothing at all is happening in the cage mind you. They couldn’t have gone any further without a potential serious injury. And then Rhyno gores Storm for the pin. What the heck was that???? It’s like they ran out of time all of a sudden and said go home NOW.

Rating: B-. That’s mainly for the bad ending. There was no big dramatic moment or anything and they just had the Gore for the pin. I’m not wild on that at all. The ten people are just WAY too many for one ring. This should have been 3-3 or so and nothing more. Actually 4-4 could work. There were also far too many dead spots too.

This is definitely a good idea but it needs a lot of tweaking with the main thing being an adjustment to the amount of people. I’m probably shortchanging this a bit, but there were too many people and too much laying around doing nothing because of the confined space. The two ring, 8 man matches were always, well at least almost always, awesome because they found that balance. If TNA can do that then these matches go WAY up in value.

We recap the Angle/Joe feud. Let me make this clear: counting the intros, this takes over 12 minutes. That’s not counting the JB intros where he says who each guy is. Counting that we hit 15 minutes. It is 18 minutes from the end of Lethal Lockdown to the start of this match. That’s just ridiculous.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

Now the first thing you notice is that this is more or less designed as a half MMA fight and half wrestling match. Now I get the idea here as they want to spread out the audience, but this isn’t something I can get into. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, but it’s just not the greatest idea in the world to me. It’s new though so I have to give them credit for not just doing the same match.

They use a lot of MMA techniques and it’s actually working pretty well. They have Frank Trigg on commentary which is a good idea as he offers a perspective that we wouldn’t usually get, much like Tenay used to do with the cruiserweights in WCW. This is about seventeen minutes of primarily submission based stuff and while it’s not my style, it’s certainly great stuff.

You can tell there’s been a lot of training done for both guys to incorporate a lot of new submissions. In a CREEPY moment, Joe gets a crossface on Angle and the fans chant Joe’s gonna kill you. I don’t think it was intentional or anything, but that’s rather chilling. After a ton of submission attempts, and I mean at least 12 apiece, Joe hits the Muscle Buster to get the pin. Massive posing and celebrating ends the show.

Rating: A-. That might be a bit high but after what I went through with the idiocy earlier, this was gold for me. It’s a completely different style but it worked exactly like they wanted it to so I can’t complain at all. This was named match of the year in TNA and I can buy that.

I’m glad this was a one off thing though as it’s not something I’d want to become the norm. Either way, this was a great way to put the belt on Joe, but because it came two freaking years too late, no one cared and he was a boring champion.

Overall Rating: D. Well, the two main events were really good, but that’s all this show has going for it. The all cage thing is just not a good idea at all. The last two matches belong in a cage and by having another I believe 6 matches before that, it just makes the last two seem weak.

If you take away the cage earlier for everything other than maybe the X match, then this is easily a C+ or so. The matches are ok, but the Women’s match and the tag match were just so freaking STUPID. What was the point of those gimmicks? Anyway, this was a bad idea but if tweaked could turn into a much better one. Show sucked for the most part though. Get Joe/Angle and the Lethal Lockdown if you’re very bored, but you’ll be better off with an old WarGames match. Other than that, not worth it.

NXT
Date: April 12, 2011
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham

Another week here in NXT Land as hopefully we get the announcement of the first elimination.  This season has gone on for a long time already and thankfully they’ve shifted away from the whole obsession with challenges.  I can live with boring wrestling as that’s at least not harming my intelligence.  Also tonight we get Maryse’s decision and reply to DiBiase’s ultimatum last week.  Let’s get to it.

We recap last week’s stuff with Maryse and DiBiase.

Striker brings out Maryse who says she can find other millionaires besides Ted.  She picks NXT.  Well that was abrupt.  So she’s single now?  Anyway here are the Rookies.  The hosts go over the Redemption Points standings which are as follows:

O’Neil 9

Young 7

Saxton 4

Everyone Else 0

The challenge tonight is the Power of the Punch with the punching bag thing.  First up is Saxton who gets 649.  Second is Novak with 465.  Third is 469.  Regal wants royalties from the title of this.  O’Brian gets 770 to give Rat Boy the lead.  O’Neil blasts it to give him 801 and Cannon says he’s here to win championships and is above this so O’Neil wins.  Could they push this guy any stronger?  He gets four Redemption Points.  Cannon gets in Titus’ face and says this is about him rather than everyone else.  He hits on Maryse who more or less says get out of his face.

Cue Yoshi who gets between them.  Lucky gets mad at him and challenges Yoshi for a match and invites Maryse to be at ringside.

O’Neil vs. Young later.

First though: a new WWE trailer!!!  This is called “That’s What I Am” and it has Randy Orton and Ed Harris in it.  It’s set in the 60s and appears to be about bullying.  Orton looks to be in about one scene in it, which might be the best idea possible.

Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young

Pre match Darren yells at Horny and calls him a bootleg leprechaun.  Chavo warns Darren, saying that Horny is tough.  Darren takes him down with ease and we’re in the chinlock less than a minute in.  After a two count it’s off to a Cravate.  Regal wants to eat Hornswoggle apparently.  Amazingly enough we get the explanation for the arm pose during Titus’ bark: it’s the symbol of his fraternity from college.  As we have that explained to us, Darren yells at Horny and gets rolled up by Titus for the pin at 2:30.  Match was dull while it lasted.

Post match Young beats up Titus with a gutbuster and goes after Horny.  Chavo tells Young to chill and focus so he lets Horny go.

Here’s JTG and we get a recap of his bet with Kozlov.  The idea is JTG can make Novak look more fly than Kozlov could make O’Brian a beast.  Regal talked to someone at Rosetta Stone (a company that helps you learn other languages) and figured out what they were talking about.  Funny stuff.

Here’s Novak, looking kind of like Slam Master J if you remember him.  Novak just says no as JTG hasn’t gotten him a single point.  Aren’t they just tiebreakers?  The guy that Vanilla Ice looks at and says “Dude you look like an idiot” yells at Regal about what Regal has been saying about him.  Whenever Regal is ready, Novak will show him what he can do.  It was meant as a threat.

Jacob Novak vs. Byron Saxton

Novak is in jeans here.  Regal talks about the people he’s helped along in their careers and how they’ve all turned on him.  He’s rather upset over this as Saxton gets a clothesline to put Novak on the floor.  Regal says he always wiped his feet before he got in the ring because that was his temple.  Regal is really ticked off about this actually and it’s kind of cool to hear.

No one is really taking over here until Saxton tries to get some offense going.  Bulldog gets two.  Regal is talking about Japanese wrestling for some reason.  He said wrestlers also so expect the debut of Arn Anderson on commentary next week.  Big boot by Novak ends this abruptly at 3:40.

Rating: D+. Well I think everyone knew that it would be Novak winning here which is fine.  He’s dying for some kind of character and I guess this is better than nothing.  They’re trying at least so points for that.  The problem is that Novak is boring both on the mic and in the ring.  If he was actually entertaining in any possible way this would help but he simply isn’t at all.

We get the Edge retirement speech last night.  It blows my mind that this is real still but if Edge is losing feeling in his arms and is that hurt, by all means he should retire.  There’s no reason for him to risk paralysis or death for the sake of one more run, especially when he’s got perhaps the best resume in WWE history.  I got to watch him earlier this year at a house show and he was awesome there and had probably the match of the night.  I won’t call it a shame though, as like I said if this makes his health last longer, more power to him.  This eats up about 10 minutes.

Lucky Cannon vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Maryse is on commentary here.  Regal doesn’t like the Titantron video of Tatsu because it’s mainly Regal getting kicked in the head.  Apparently Lucky’s nickname, Mr. Delish, is the name of a French dish made of potatoes and cheese.  Ok then.  Cannon says it’s about HIM and Maryse says it’s about her and as long as she has chocolate, credit cards and stilettos she’s happy.  All Cannon for the early part of this until Cannon walks into a kick to the head on the floor.  Yoshi takes over back in the ring and fires off some kicks.  Spin wheel kick off the top ends this clean at 3:08.

Rating: C-. Just a match here but the commentary was funny.  Maryse is wittier than you would give her credit for.  Not terrible but it played off the main story of the show which is the right idea for this show.  They don’t have much to work with so using it well like this is a good sign.  Not bad but just a bookend for the angle.

Maryse kisses Yoshi post match and his eyes are hilarious.

Overall Rating: B-. Amazingly enough this was a pretty entertaining show.  The lack of stupid challenges and the rise of WRESTLING MATCHES on here helps a lot.  I’m more than happy with three matches a night and one quick challenge.  They have small stories here but they really do need to cut some of the fat here.  Probably the best show of the season, which is a good sign.

Results

Titus O’Neil won the Power of the Punch Challenge

Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Rollup

Jacob Novak b. Byron Saxton – Big Boot

Yoshi Tatsu b. Lucky Cannon – Top Rope Spinwheel Kick

I saw this in the comment section and thought I’d throw this out there for you guys.  The debate was over where Edge ranks as an all time great.  I figured this might get some people talking, so here are my (thrown together off the top of my head) top ten greatest ever.  Also I’ll throw in approximately where Edge would rank.

1. Hulk Hogan

2. Steve Austin

3. The Rock

4. Shawn Michaels

5. Ric Flair

6. Harley Race

7. Sting

8. Andre the Giant

9. John Cena

10. HHH

Edge I would put in the high teens, probably around 18-19.

Your lists?  And also that list is off the top of my head remember, so I’d likely change things on it that I had forgotten about later.

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 11, 2011
Location: Webster Bank Arena at Harbor Yard, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

Tonight we’ll likely begin the build to Extreme Rules.  We didn’t have much time last week as the focus was on Mania fallout and of course next year’s Wrestlemania main event being set up.  It should be interesting to see what Cena does to fill the next 50+ weeks.  No matches on the Raw side have been announced for the PPV so we should get something tonight.  Let’s get to it.

On Tough Enough there was a teaser that Edge says his career might be over.  That came out of left field.

Cole gets a special introduction as the only undefeated superstar in the WWE.  “What’s up Jerry?”

Here’s Cena to open the show properly.  He talks about how this is a great time to be in the WWE Universe because last week there was an announcement made that turned WWE upside down.  Cena talks about the announcement that was so big it takes a year to digest.  The match can’t just be a match though, so that match needs to be for the WWE Championship.  Therefore Cena needs to win the WWE Championship, so he issues a challenge for right now.

Instead he gets Randy Orton.  Orton says that Cena may want a title shot but he had his already and lost.  Orton says Cena should step aside and let someone that won their match at Wrestlemania get a shot.  Cena gets ready to reply but here’s John Morrison.  He says we’ve seen this show (referring to Cena vs. Orton) before but now it’s better because John Morrison is involved.

Before that though here come Vickie and Dolph.  Vickie says she should get the shot because she pinned Morrison.  But if not her then Dolph.  Ziggler says he isn’t here on Raw to waste his time on Cena.  He’s never faced Miz for the title so the line starts with him.  Don’t worry though because everyone will get title shots when he’s champion.

We’re not done yet because here’s R-Truth.  He says that the gospel truth is that he’s never had a WWE Championship match.  I think there’s a reason for that Truth.  An e-mail says that there’s a new cobncept match.  It’s a 5 man gauntlet match.  Tonight (presumably) there will be two starting and another enters at a preset interval.  You can’t get a win until all five are in and the winner meets Miz at Extreme Rules.  I think those are the rules at least.  It was a bit hard to keep track of.

Lawler vs. Swagger later.  If Lawler wins he gets a rematch with Cole.

There’s a video of a baby doll with its head taken off.  You can see the person holding it, clearly the soon to be debuting Awesome Kong.  She laughs crazily.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Brie Bella

Brie allegedly won a Divas battle royal to win this shot.  Wasn’t that weeks ago and she got the shot already?  Eve brings a marker to have an X put on Nikki’s hand so we know she’s on the floor.  That’s rather intelligent.  Brie takes her down to start but Eve makes her comeback with a dropkick and the standing moonsault for two.  Eve gets her in the Tree of Woe and when she’s being taken off there’s a switch.  While Nikki is being taken out Brie sneaks up on her and an X-Factor gives Brie the title at 2:20.  Weak match but all the girls looked good from a looks perspective at least.

Sin Cara debuts next.

Back with Eve being all upset about losing and Gail comes in to say she knows how it feels.  Eve says all the Divas are the same.  Natalya gets the same response.  Tamina walks up to get something and just keeps walking.  Ok then.

Sin Cara vs. Primo

The fans cheer for Sin Cara as Primo hammers away.  He tries to toss Cara into the air so Sin Cara lands on his shoulders and backflips off.  Out to the floor and a slingshot rana sends Primo flying.  Primo is thrown back in but gets a baseball slide to send Cara back out.  We hit a modified chinlock as Primo is getting way too much offense in here.

Cara chops away and gets another rana to get the crowd going a bit more.  Powerbomb is countered into a very fast and hard sunset flip.  Primo goes up but gets kicked in the head.  They stand on the top rope and Primo falls, sending Cara to the floor.  A C4 2000 (Downward Spiral with a backflip off the top) ends Primo at 4:30.

Rating: D+. I haven’t seen this big of a blown debut in a long time.  Primo controlled the majority of the match and whenever Cara got something going, Primo would hit something to slow him down.  You couple that with the botch at the end and this was a glorified train wreck.  At least the ending was good.

We get a clip from the end of Raw last week with Corre running in.  During the live chat on NXT last week Howard Finkel said that was very stupid of them to do.  When the Fink comes down on someone, that’s not a good sign.

Corre is in the ring and Barrett says he used to see them as equals, but if they can’t hold up their end of the bargain then there’s no point in continuing.  Gabriel takes offense to it and says the 450 has taken out more people and he’s a 3 time tag champion.  Slater says WE are three time tag champions.  Jackson says he made Corre legit.  He gets cut off by Santino’s music though.

Here are Santino, Henry, Bryan and Bourne.  Santino says if they’re the Corre then they’re the A.P.P.L.E.: Allied People Powered (by) Loathing Everything (you stand for).  This fight is for Kozlov so APPLE POWERS UNITE!  And yes Santino really said that.

Corre vs. Apple

This is joined in progress as we come back.  The Apple name is hilarious if nothing else.  Corre is in control hammering away on Daniel Bryan.  I wonder if he regrets leaving being the king of the indies yet.  Gabriel gets a hilo for two.  After a nice long beating it’s the hot tag to Santino who cleans house.  Cole makes apple jokes the whole time.  Everything breaks down and Bryan throws out a suicide dive to take out Barrett.  Cobra is loaded up and a reverse DDT ends Santino at 3:37.

Rating: D+. Nothing special at all here other than to show that Corre is mostly united at least.  Bryan sells very well so the match was about as good as it was going to get given what they had to work with.  Not a terrible match but all things considered it was just ok.  At least the right team won.

We talk about Lawler vs. Swagger and here’s JR to be in Lawler’s corner.  Cole makes fun of Ross so JR tries to break into the Cole Mine.  When that fails he hits Cole with his hat.  Jerry gets up to take out Swagger and we go to a break.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jack Swagger

If Lawler wins he gets a rematch with Cole at Extreme Rules and gets to pick the stipulations.  If Swagger wins then Cole never has to face Lawler again.  Cole and Ross are at ringside and are on microphones.  Swagger controls with basic stuff to start, namely hammering on Jerry.  Cole keeps talking trash as Jerry makes a brief comeback, including taking a brief victory lap around the ring.

Headlock by Swagger is reversed by a belly to back suplex.  Ankle lock goes on and Jerry does as Ross says by getting to the ropes.  Cole shouts MOMMY at Jerry during the hold.  Josh isn’t talking during the match.  Swagger grabs an armbar and cranks on it a bit.  Ross: “Your guy had you in an ankle lock and now has a wrist lock.  Show’s how stupid he is!”

Cole calls Swagger Jackie as he rams Jerry into the buckle.  Lawler Lawlers Up and hammers away.  Cole keeps running his mouth so JR finally blasts him.  The distraction allows Jerry to grab a rollup for the pin at 5:18.  Swagger’s face after it is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: C-. A lot of that is for the commentary/talking alone.  JR’s line is one of the most obvious yet brilliant lines I’ve heard in a long time and shows the basic lack of psychology that is present in wrestling today.  Not a great match or anything but given who was in there, this was solid.  And no, I’m not saying this was better than the previous two matches.  They’re not on the same scale and shouldn’t be.

Cole rips into Swagger post match, blaming him for everything and saying he paid good money for his help.  It was all Swagger’s fault that he lost.  Then he slaps Swagger and runs.  Jerry grabs the mic and says we need to talk about Extreme Rules.  He picks the obvious tag match: JR/Lawler vs. Swagger/Cole.  Smart thinking actually.  Jerry reminds Swagger that Cole just slapped him in the face.  Cole panics as Swagger looks like he’s about to eat him.

We get a video package of wrestlers both past and present talking about how great Undertaker vs. HHH was.

Edge is talking to Cena and will be heading to the ring next.

Here’s Edge as JR, King and Matthews are doing commentary now.  Please, I beg of you, pick a team and stick with it.  This rotating lineup in the middle of the show is getting annoying.  Anyway Edge says he’s going to ramble a lot in this.  He says a lot of people thinks WWE doesn’t hurt and he wishes that wasn’t true.  8 years ago he had a neck injury and had spinal fusion surgery to correct it.

He knew he was wrestling on borrowed time but recently he’s been losing the feeling in his arms.  He’s taken some tests and managed to make it through Wrestlemania, but the tests tell him he has to retire.  The doctors have said he has no choice but thankfully they’ve found out now and he’s not going to be in a wheelchair.

Edge breaks down into tears as I’m thinking this isn’t a storyline at all.  The fans chant thank you Edge and he says thank you guys.  Edge talked to Christian who has been his best friend for 27 years.  Edge was mad at himself but he’s still a fan of the WWE.  He talks about going to Maple Leaf Gardens with Christian and seeing guys like Demolition, the LOD and Hogan.

Then he went to Wrestlemania 6 and saw Hulk Hogan vs. the Ultimate Warrior and said he’d be doing that.  Fast forward 18 years and it was him in there against the Undertaker.  Now he’s won more titles than anyone in WWE history and had his last match in a main event at Wrestlemania and gets to retire as World Heavyweight Champion.

Edge has been in this business for 19 years and he grew up in front of these people.  He runs through his career from running through the streets of New York to doing posing for the benefits of those with flash photography to a live sex celebration (“luckily with Lita and not Vickie Guerrero”) and he hopes that he’s earned the fans’ respect.

He’s going to miss this and tomorrow he doesn’t have to wear tights and now he gets to eat ice cream.  He says he’d do it again, even getting hired by JR.  He drops the mic and gets a standing ovation.  No Alberto, no interruptions, nothing else.  If this was a work, give this man an Emmy right now.  He does his pose on the stage and his music plays him out.  Heavy stuff man.

We’re back and everyone, faces and heels, is applauding Edge.  Even Vickie, Dolph, Corre, everyone.  Dustin Rhodes is there in a shirt and tie.  Still no Alberto or Christian.  No word on the title situation yet but I’d assume Christian will take his place in the ladder match for the vacant title.

Cue Miz to a nice pop actually.  He’s on commentary here.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison

Two will start and then it’s a standard gauntlet match, last man standing wins.  Ziggler locks on a chinlock after some back and forth stuff.  Lawler asks Miz who he’d prefer to face and Miz says he can’t hear him over his awesomeness.  Josh is reading something and not seeming to pay attention.

Orton fires off some offense and looks down at Miz.  Ziggler hides in the ropes to avoid the RKO.  He can’t avoid the elevated DDT though and Orton sets for the RKO.  The Nexus returns though and distracts Orton, allowing him to be pinned at 2:43.  Well I didn’t see that one coming.  Orton has to fights off the Nexus but Ryan takes him out.  Orton is left laying as we take a break.

Back with Truth vs. Ziggler.  Miz runs down Truth, wondering which version of him would come up.  Lawler asks who Miz would rather face and Miz says he’ll face either of them.  Chinlock goes on by Ziggler as Miz talks about not getting respect.  If Cena wanted icon vs. icon he should have challenged Miz.  Miz says he’s not a talker.  Lawler responds with a facepalm.

The in ring stuff is rather boring, mainly because everyone knows Truth doesn’t have a chance here of winning the whole thing.  Truth hammers away with right hands and gets a sitout gordbuster for two.  Ziggler comes back with a neckbreaker as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled by this.  Out of nowhere Truth gets a jumping downward spiral to put eliminate Ziggler after 4:00 (all times other than the final are of the two in the ring, not overall time).

Morrison is next and will face Truth after the break.  They exchange a bunch of pinfalls to start us off until Morrison hits a breakdancing legdrop and throws on a chinlock.  Miz keeps bashing everyone and is sounding like a less insulting version of Mystery Science Theater.  They hit the floor and a double clothesline puts both guys down.  Both guys slide back in at nine and we keep going.

Morrison gets all angry and takes down Truth with some running offense, including a leg lariat.  Truth reverses into a suplex/Stunner.  He picks Morrison up for a suplex but shifts him to the side and catches him in a Stunner.  Cool looking move.  Morrison gets up and hits his kick off the middle rope but misses Starship Pain.  The jumping Downward Spiral sends Truth to the final two at 4:51.

Cue Cena as it’s him vs. Truth for the shot at Miz.  I didn’t see this one coming.  We’re going to start this up after a break.  During the break we’re told Edge will surrender the title on Friday.  This looks more real every second.  Back and we’re ready to go.  Miz comments on the dueling chants and Cena hits a dropkick to the champ’s shock.  Cena hammers away and hits a new move: a combination powerslam/side slam for two.

Release fisherman’s suplex gets two and Cena goes up top.  Top rope Fameasser gets two and I have a feeling this isn’t going to be as easy as it seemed.  Truth makes the comeback and “hits” (read as it misses by about 8 inches) his spinning forearm for two.  The downward spiral (that needs a name) can’t hit and Cena initiates his ending sequence.  Cena sets for the FU but Miz and Riley run in and hit both guys at the same time for a double DQ I guess.  The last pairing ran 5:36 and overall counting commercials it ran 30:40.

Rating: C+. The grade is for the whole thing rather than any individual segment.  Hard to really grade this as there isn’t much of a precedent for it and the whole match was choppy.  Luckily this had a lot of time as the matches where people are eliminated in about a minute are rather annoying as they’re ridiculous any other time of the year.  Not bad, but hard to grade.  Ending was good though.

Miz says there’s no #1 contender and we get an E-Mail.  There are now 2 #1 contenders: Cena and R-Truth, and there will be a triple threat match at the PPV.  Odd choice but ok then.  Cena and Truth have a weird bromance moment for a bit as they slap each other on the back rather fiercely and Truth glares at Cena as he leaves.

Overall Rating: B. Well it can’t be said nothing happened here.  We have a new stable (and yes I know it’s a joke), a new #1 contender, a new champion and one of the biggest stars of all time retired.  The wrestling here clearly wasn’t the point and for a show with this much going on that’s more than understandable.

Results

Brie Bella b. Eve Torres – Sitout Facebuster

Sin Cara b. Primo – C4 2000

Corre b. Apple – Slater pinned Marella after a reverse DDT

Jerry Lawler b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison went to a double disqualification when Alex Riley and the Miz interfered

It’s been about six months since this show and I thought it would be interesting to look back and see how things have gone since then.

Impact
Date: October 14, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Episode Title: THEY Have Arrived!!!

Well this is it. After four days of waiting we can finally get to the explanation from Jeff as to WHY he did what he did. This is something that is very important because you have the entire THEY angle riding on it. The importance of this show can’t be overblown as we begin the next chapter in TNA’s history.

The opening is likely to be about Jeff and THEY as well as set up the fairly obvious RVD vs. Jeff match, although I could see them postponing that one if need be. I’d also be interested in knowing how much actual wrestling we’ll have tonight but we’ll see. Let’s get to it.

We of course open with the recap of the ending of Bound For Glory.

Dixie’s attorney is here and as everyone thought we’re told that Dixie signed the contracts but they weren’t the ones she thought they were.

Hogan (still on crutches) and Bischoff are here to a MASSIVE pyro display. Of course Hogan is acting just like he did as a face. Tenay explains that Hogan and Bischoff now have the majority share of TNA….despite the fact that the attorney never said that.

Naturally Hogan gets a big face reaction with like two signs against him in the whole audience. Oh wait three fat chicks are booing. Well there’s a Hogan sucks chant so there’s something I suppose. Hogan wants Dixie here now. Apparently she promised him everything, much like Ted Turner did in 96. Hogan gets a text or something as he has his phone out and is messing with it.

Here we go: the explanation. It started with Abyss apparently and the Hall of Fame ring. Bischoff and Hogan knew why he randomly turned on Hogan. We bring him out and Hogan declares Abyss his son. THEY’RE HERE! Ok now that my pizzas are here we can get back. What did you think I meant by they?

None of the fans believed Abyss but they are now in control. The fans want RVD. Abyss follows them as Hogan and Bischoff’s soldier now. Hogan declares that Abyss with live forever and is now immortal. I think The Immortals might be the name. Eric brings out Jarrett. Wait was there an actual explanation in there for abyss? If there was I missed it.

Yeah this was no real surprise: he wanted control of his company back. I think that was the easiest of all to understand. And here’s FOURTUNE! Ok this just got good.

Flair talks to Hogan and says that Fourtune runs this company, not Hogan. LOUD Fourtune chant. One of them have to leave apparently. Hogan suggest him vs. Flair and it’s…..not on as they hug. Flair bows down to Hogan and it’s a massive Hogan orgy more or less. The explanation here makes sense though as Fourtune was mad at Dixie for bringing in EV. That actually makes sense. We get a reference to Flair’s five former ex wives and here comes Jeff!

No face paint here either. The fans think Jeff sold out. You can barely see the ropes with so many guys in there with him. He didn’t sell out but sold in. He blames the fans and doesn’t care about popularity. The fans drove him to this because he did everything with all those injuries for what?

And now it’s on to RVD. He’s the whole F’N reason Abyss took RVD out because RVD had to be gone for this to work. They are Immortal. Sting and Nash are watching in the back. Eric and Hogan offer them spots on the team. We go to a break 22 minutes into the show with them coming to the ring.

Security escorts Dixie….somewhere.

Nash and Sting come out and Sting is in street clothes which isn’t something you see that often. Tenay is already annoying. Eric says this is about money and all that jazz. Nash whispers to Sting and says this is perfect for him because it’s always been about money and him in his career. He’s gotten wiser though and quotes the Bible of all things, saying gray hair is a sign of wisdom. He’s passing on the money and if THEY want to run the company into the ground, they can do it without him. I’m surprised.

Sting says this isn’t what he came here for and says he’s here because he loves TNA. He’s shouting the whole time mind you. Sting points to Hogan, Bischoff and Flair (I think) and says this is a no win situation, turning them down. Allegedly both of these guys are leaving TNA with Nash being permanent and Sting possibly being permanent. Bischoff says they can come back anytime. Hogan’s music plays the segment to an end at 9:32.

We cut to the back where Sting and Nash leave but Pope isn’t happy with it. They offer him a place in the car out with them but he’s staying to fight the fight which they’re cool with. Dixie comes up to them and says they can’t leave her. Sting says what everyone thought: if she had listened this wouldn’t be happening. She says he was cryptic. Dixie, he sent crows down at the NWO to demand a title match one night. He’s a weird guy.

Hogan and Bischoff come up to Dixie and she slaps the heck out of Bischoff. She tells Hogan to look her in the eye and tell her he didn’t screw her. He says we’ll talk about this in HIS office as we go to another break.

In the office we have MORE talking. Bischoff smokes a cigar and Hogan flat out tells her that he screwed her out of the company. This is a big Hogan ego trip of course. Hogan and Bischoff both say this is their company. Hogan has had enough and so has Dixie. She tells her security guards to get rid of them but they work for Hogan too. Dixie’s husband SURGE gets knocked out and we take ANOTHER break.

Some hot chick in a BMW shows up. And we’re just not going to talk about this at all. Ok then. Ah ok it’s the Jersey Short chick.

Madison comes out with a referee as I’m guessing this is going to be about Tara. She yells about how Tara has HER title. She wants a match RIGHT NOW. Here’s Tara, looking GOOD. Madison says they had a deal and apparently we’re getting a match….at 9:50pm.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Madison Rayne

And Tara lays down so Madison can pin her. I kid you not.

Madison celebrates and here’s Mickie to talk some more. She wants a title shot RIGHT NOW but Madison sends Tara after her. Mickie sends her running and stares her down.

J-Woww from Jersey Shore comes in and talks to the Beautiful People. Apparently she’s an honorary BP tonight.

Back from break and they’re still looking for Cookie. This results in Eric Young freaking out about J-Woww. Jordan comes up and nothing of note happens.

And here’s Angle for MORE talking. No music, no intro, nothing like that. He talks about how he’s all banged up but wants to know why Hogan and Bischoff screwed him before he officially retires. Angle says what we all expected him to say: he didn’t win but he didn’t get pinned either. Cue Jarrett’s music and here he is.

Jarrett more or less calls bull on what Angle is saying. He takes a jab at Angle being an ex-husband (the real meaning being that Jarrett literally married Angle’s wife and not in kayfabe). Angle says he put TNA on the map. Uh, not quite Kurt. He says Jarrett held down everyone but couldn’t hold Angle down.

Kurt Angle, the man that held the tag titles, X-Division and World titles at the same time is talking about holding others down. Jarrett says taking Angle’s career meant more than destroying his life. Angle goes for him and the security guards take him down and handcuff him. The beatdown is on. Uh, Joe anyone?

TAZ of all people comes out of the broadcast booth and calls off Jarrett and says that he has a censored up (censored of course) neck. Old school Taz chant takes us to another break.

70 minutes in, 6 seconds of “wrestling.”

Joe talks (shocking isn’t it) about Jarrett on a tape from Monday, still in Daytona. He’s coming for Jarrett of course.

GOOD NIGHT  IT’S A MATCH! And it’s Abyss. Oh joy.

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe

Yeah they’re officially called Immortal. Well ok then. Joe beats the heck out of him first and beats him into the corner. Chokeslam takes him down and Joe is in trouble. He goes to get a chair but Joe hits a suicide dive into the chair which more or less didn’t hit Abyss’s head at all but he stays down anyway. Sure why not? Bell to the head and we’re done in two minutes. No rating. RVD comes down for the save.

Wait, why didn’t Joe come down and massacre Jeff like 5 minutes ago?

Hey look RVD wants to talk. It’s about Hardy which makes sense. Jeff pops up on the screen and says it was an illusion as he brought RVD as close to him as he could and then destroyed him. Well ok so he told Abyss to destroy him. Hardy says he’s the Anti-Christ of wrestling. WOW.

Bischoff comes out and says if RVD wants Hardy at Turning Point he has to beat Anderson tonight, winner gets the shot.

Back from a break Tessmacher is propositioned by Bischoff for “a meeting later at his place”. He snaps on her and calls her easy. Bischoff knows about Nash and Pope apparently. She’s fired from the Knockouts authority job and can either wrestle or leave. Anderson comes up and declares Bischoff a douchebag and squeezes his hand really hard saying that Bischoff won’t win this war.

D’Angeol Dinero vs. Fourtune

Yep it’s 1 vs. 5 here. Morgan and Flair aren’t in this. Total dominance here of course but it’s better than more talking I suppose. AJ misses the Pele and kicks Kaz which Pope gets two off of. DWI hits him and Kaz gets the pin. Another short match so no grade.

Ad for Turning Point where Angle is named specifically as being there. Nice one guys.

Here’s The Shore to get on my nerves and be booed out of the building. They point out that this is on at the same time as Jersey Shore because that’s how TNA works. Cue up the Beautiful People and J-Woww. Cookie and J-Woww argue as usual and Cookie says go back to the hole you came from. You know, the same one she’s from. Catfight, Shore bails. 15k for a minute long segment and an EY joke.

We recap things to kill time so we can run over into ReAction as always.

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

No mic time for Anderson here as he’s mad. The bell rings at about 11pm as we just HAD to have a commercial as RVD made his entrance. Make that 11:01. Naturally to see the main event of Impact you have to watch ReAction. So would that mean the winner got the win on Impact or ReAction? Winner gets Hardy at the PPV mind you.

Basic stuff to start as Van Dam hits a moonsault off the apron to kick Anderson in the head, which might have been how he injured his head and Impact is OVER! And now REACTION has started and we didn’t miss a thing and it serves no purpose but screw that who cares? If you want to see the Impact main event, don’t watch Impact!

After I have a psychotic episode over the stupidity of some of the things this company does, it’s still a boring match. Rolling Thunder is countered into a fireman’s carry and the split legged moonsault gets two. Five Star eats knees and both guys are down. And here’s Bischoff to screw us over. He tells the referee to come with him and here’s Hardy, holding his ribs with a chair.

Chair to RVD. Chair to Anderson. Pillmanizer on the arm of Anderson. Anderson curses a lot and rolls to the floor. That’s your ending by the way.

Rating: D+. Match was pretty weak due to the crowd knowing the ridiculous ending was coming. This match never really got off the ground or anything but it could have been worse. The guys knew the ending was coming and clearly didn’t get going until the very end as they were just going through the motions. Nothing bad really, but nothing particularly good.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a VERY subjective grade to put it mildly. This show can be looked at their get out of jail free card. It was the first show after their biggest show ever and a huge angle. The show as a stand alone show was atrocious. However, this was a show where a lot of talking was actually required.

The explanations that they gave needed to be done. I can understand that and I’m mostly ok with it. However there comes a point where you need some wrestling to get you through a show. Having the show revolve around one angle is fine and makes sense, but you really need some wrestling to go with it. As was said in the LD, even a 4 minute throw away match would have helped tremendously. One or two of those thrown in somewhere and this show goes WAY up.

As for doing what needed to be done tonight, they got a lot out of the way. Jarrett, Dixie, Hogan and Bischoff are all explained. Nash and Sting are written off TV, Pope has a new thing to do, Anderson’s loyalty is pretty clear and RVD and Joe will fight on their own. Hardy was explained but to say it felt rushed is an understatement. Abyss wasn’t explained at all but did we really need to hear about him? All you really get from that is the beginning of the story and we can live without that.

This show did explain some things and kind of got things going for the angle, but at the same time this is showing signs of turning into one massive soap opera much like the NWO angle. The problem with that is back then you had some amazing matches on the side to compliment the drama. You’re not getting that in the first week.

That being said, it’s the first week and I can understand a ton of talking here. However if this is now the status quo, there are REAL problems for this company. This was kind of a disappointment but to say it was horrible isn’t fair. They got through a lot tonight, but what scares me are the weeks to come. There has to be some wrestling out there, and I’m not seeing it here so far. I’m neither thrilled nor optimistic, but I’m also not convinced this is bad. Definitely interested in next week’s offering, but I’ll be less lenient on it to say the least.

Halloween Havoc 1995
Date: October 29, 1995
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

So we plow on through 1995 as I want to finish this year and get to the NWO stuff. Anyway this is a rather infamous show as we have a double main event: Hogan vs. The Giant for the WCW Title and Hogan vs. The Giant in monster trucks. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. Anyway, this is a show I remember kind of fondly from when I was seven. Now I’m 22 so let’s see how bad it really is. Also on here we have Sting and a freshly face Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman, and we know that can’t go wrong at all right?

Also on the preshow, Paul Orndorff beat Renegade, the previously unstoppable machine, in about 80 seconds. Also we had three guys that had just recently signed with the company: Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Sadly enough this show is only 15 years ago and of the five men mentioned in this paragraph, Orndorff and Malenko are still alive. Eddie died of heart failure despite being in great shape, Renegade and Benoit killed themselves, and Orndorff is so injured he can barely move. Wow indeed.

WCW really was hilarious with how overblown their Halloween stuff was. It’s pure camp and it’s hilarious. So Hogan has gone to the dark side, shaving his facial hair and wearing all black. Yeah whatever. Remember we’re still about 8 months from the NWO at this point. Hey a big arena is actually full! I’m stunned too. Oh I forgot: the truck think is on the roof of the building next door.

BREAKING NEWS!

Flying Brian and Arn Anderson have apparently beaten up Ric Flair. That’s just amusing.

Tony wants to know why Heenan has been eating sushi. That’s actually foreshadowing.

We recap Johnny B. Badd and DDP. So if you remember the last show, Badd won a title shot against Sting. We have the match, but Badd is nowhere to be seen. Brian got the shot instead but lost. Badd showed up at the end of the show and says he had a flat tire. Gene says he could have called. Just whip out your cell phone the size of a brick and call Johnny. DDP showed up and said that he should have gotten the shot. His bodyguard says it must suck to have four flat tires. Johnny realizes something is up because he only said it was one flat tire so he punched Page. It was never explained WHY DDP would have messed with Johnny’s car but whatever.

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Johnny B. Badd

Apparently Sting isn’t here yet so he doesn’t know what happened to Flair. Seriously, how do these people get away with being late to work all the time??? This is being written about two hours after Lockdown went off and Bischoff got to the arena at like 1030. HOW DOES HE HAVE A JOB??? Can you imagine if you showed up to work on a huge day two and a half hours late minimum?

A fake Johnny B. Badd comes out but the real one comes through the crowd to jump him. Tony says this started with a bang. That’s just amusing given what Page would become. Ok hang on a second. Earlier on we saw the two monster trucks dueling a bit. Apparently that was Hogan and Giant driving. So they just get together and ram trucks together? Also note that they were already welded together. Keep that in mind.

In a funny spot, Patrick asks Badd if he pulled DDP’s hair. Badd replies by shouting YOU MEAN LIKE THIS and pulls DDP’s hair. That’s just amusing. Heenan says everyone has been talking about the PPV, even the pilot on his plane. WOW. Tony says DDP likes controlling his matches. Wow I thought he liked getting his teeth kicked in. You can’t buy commentary like this.

And we hit the chinlock. Maxx Muscle slaps the mat while the fans are chanting for Badd. Yeah Page had a tendency to have stupid managers. We do some more stuff and hit another chinlock. At least there’s a theme to this match. Just to be clear: Bobby Heenan will NOT be managing the Detroit Tigers. Ok then.

After Badd makes another comeback, he throws Page to the floor with no explanation for the lack of a DQ other than that’s not the planned finish. He even busts out what would become the basis for the 619. Maxx Muscle interferes but screws up and the big punch ends this.

Rating: C. This was one of those matches that was just kind of there. It’s not particularly good or bad but rather just long. It’s not terrible by any means but it just happened. Badd vs. DDP would be a feud for a good while until he got fired/left for WWF as Marc Mero.

We talk about the monster truck thing to kill time.

Randy Savage vs. Zodiac

Zodiac has what would become Rey’s music soon. It’s Brutus Beefcake being able to only say yes or no. Yeah it didn’t work. I’m stunned too. Ok so apparently Luger and Savage have to win their matches earlier in the night to get a match with each other tonight. If just one wins then…nothing happens I guess. Well ok then. I love that rock version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Savage jumps him early and is dominating. A fan runs into the ring and stays in there for like 20 seconds with the referee just owning him. Security gets rid of him as Savage wins with the elbow in less than two minutes. This was supposed to be Kamala but he left the company. No one else noticed. Total squash so no rating.

Badd says that he believed he could do this and he did it. This is supposed to be emotional or something but it just isn’t. Gene mentions singing Tutti Frutti in a bar. It’s far funnier than it sounds.

Kurasawa vs. Hawk

This was an odd choice. On Clash of the Champions, Kurasawa broke Hawk’s arm and this is the rematch. No one got this feud or why Hawk was wrestling singles matches or who in the heck Kurasawa was other than a good movie makes. Hawk jumps him like you would expect him to as we get going. Hawk gets his one wrestling move, the neckbreaker.

Crowd is into Hawk if nothing else. He even busts out a powerbomb and a gutwrench suplex. Total dominance here. Parker interferes so Kurasawa can take over. He misses a top rope elbow and Hawk takes over again. He was in trouble for MAYBE 4 seconds. Big old clothesline puts the heel on the floor.

On the floor Hawk is rammed into the post, taken into the ring, Kurasawa hits two Samoan Drops and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. I have been reviewing shows for over a year now and I have NEVER seen a match that made less sense. This was never mentioned again. Hawk destroyed him until that ending. No sense at all.

Rating: WTF. I have nothing else to say for that. Hawk looked like he was beating up a jobber and he loses? No rating again but dude, what the heck were they thinking here? Why did Hawk have a singles match here anyway? WCW continues to boggle the mind.

Savage says he’s going to make sure Luger wins. But let’s talk about Hogan instead.

Mr. JL vs. Sabu

JL is short for Jerry Lynn in case you didn’t know that. And yes, it’s the same Sabu. The reason he’s here is he’s the Sheik’s nephew and Sheik was the king of Detroit back in the day. Lynn is in a mask here. WOW it’s weird hearing Sabu being talked about by Tony. Also that sounds like La Parka’s future music but I’m not sure. Both guys are in purple which is odd to see. They do all kinds of flying around ringside with Sabu doing all kinds of crazy dives etc.

We even get a Bobo Brazil reference to make this even more off the wall. This is pretty good for today’s standards despite being sloppy, but for 1995 this was INSANE. I mean remember, WWF was running stuff like Mabel vs. Taker at this time so having Lynn vs. Sabu on a major PPV was ridiculous.

Sabu wins it with a moonsault and Sheik throws a fireball at Lynn and hits him in the mask. Ok then. Heenan freaks over this and wants to know how to do that. Don’t ask Hogan. He tried it once and it didn’t work at all.

Rating: B+. Somewhat above average match, but considering the timeframe, this was insanity. Rey was nearly a year away from changing the whole idea of what cruiserweight wrestling was, but everyone knew this kind of stuff rocked. Sabu can be passable when he’s not trying to do a garbage match, and this is an example of that.

We talk about Hogan/Giant for a bit and go to the Master’s Lair to hear from him and Taskmaster. I would ask how we get a camera and electricity in there, but it doesn’t need to be asked. Why is that you ask? BECAUSE THE LAIR IS IN THE ARENA. Ok, let’s think for a minute. We have Kevin Sullivan and his master, an old man, standing in the arena with no apparent protection. Is there a reason why Hogan isn’t out there bashing their heads in with a chair?

I mean, I get that his friends are all busy, but can’t he fight off an old man and Kevin Sullivan on his own? This is something that I mean when I say idiotic storylines that go beyond suspension of disbelief. I have no idea what Master is saying here. Something about an eclipse or something. I wonder if he looks like that at the airport. Oh we get a mention of the Yeti. We’ll get to that one later. And now let’s talk about the trucks. The fans are booing the heck out of this. Let’s end this now.

Lex Luger vs. Meng

So if Luger wins here, he gets Savage later. Ok then. The fans pelt Sullivan with garbage. I knew I always liked Detroit. During Luger’s entrance we get a HILARIOUS sight joke that if you know your history is great. There’s a graveyard set due to Halloween and one of the graves says Crockett. If you get that joke, it’s hilarious. If not, it means nothing at all. Meng gets his head rams into the buckle and….it works? Come on man, learn your stereotypes!

Luger was rocking the mullet at this point which is just amusing. Meng busts out a small freaking package of all things. Well that was unexpected. Luger works on the right arm. Wow that’s weird to type. I know the common complaint about guys like Cena is they only know five moves, but I think Luger might break that. He might only know four: punch, clothesline, slam, rack. Oh wait: he uses an atomic drop. Dang I thought I had him there.

Meng is a weird case as he was someone that they seemed ready to push for like 3 and a half years but they never pulled the trigger on. Odd as he could have been perfect for a quick heel run near the title. Not saying he should have gotten it or anything, but a run against a top face was certainly within the question. Oh yeah: the NWO happened. He hits a chinlock, which is better than the nerve hold I guess.

Apparently the Dungeon of Doom is recruiting Luger. Yeah I don’t remember it either. We talk about Heenan talking to Sonny Onoo. That’s more foreshadowing for Starrcade which was a very interesting show. We’ll get to that soon. Meng gets his Golden Spike and Sullivan runs in and kicks Luger to give him the win. Ok then. Apparently it’s a method of getting Luger to fight Savage. Ok then. Yeah it’s odd but it kind of makes sense in a way.

Rating: D+. Again, it’s long but not very good. Also the ending was just rather annoying. Not particularly bad, but it’s just there. Luger was boring as always, but this needed to lose about 4 minutes and it makes it FAR better. This wasn’t that interesting but it certainly was long.

Gene is with the Giant. He literally doesn’t make it up to his shoulder. That’s just amusing. Giant taking the mic and Gene’s hand with it is funny stuff as Gene tries in vain to get out of his grip. Giant is pretty funny here as he’s like 23 years old and about 100lbs lighter than he is today.

Arn Anderson/Brian Pillman vs. Sting/Ric Flair

So basically before Fall Brawl, Anderson and Flair had been fighting. Pillman gave Andersont he win by kicking Flair in the head. The next night on Nitro they had a rematch in a cage and Anderson and Pillman beat him down. Flair got Sting to help him, but Flair got jumped before the show so it’s a handicap match to start. Sting is US Champion here if that means anything to anyone at all.

Sting of course saw nothing wrong with this plan at all. The fans want Flair. Sting does a great job of fighting on his own for awhile but after about five minutes here comes Flair! He’s in street clothes and the fans like him. There’s a massive bandage over his head and Sting is in trouble now. The heels go old school and bust out a Rocket Launcher. Again, a few people will actually get that.

The idea here is that Sting can’t make the tag no matter how hard he tries. We get a stupid spot where Pillman gets a half crab. Ok, that’s fine. Pillman is pulling back on the leg to apply pressure right? Anderson reaches out his hand for extra pressure. One thing: Arn is pulling the opposite way. Wouldn’t that, like, take pressure off of Sting? Flair runs in for a save and gets a HUGE pop.

One thing though: he never actually gets a shot in on either heel. That doesn’t mean anything….does it? Sting is screaming for the NATURE BOY! Does Sting want to ride Space Mountain? This is fifteen years ago and Flair still has a bad looking chest. That’s amazing. Sting FINALLY makes the tag and the place erupts. Wait for it. Wait for it. FLAIR DRILLS STING! Sting snaps but he gets beaten down. Flair is of course fine as Gene waits on the ramp for Flair.

The two not named Flair hold up four fingers and Flair reforms the Horsemen. A guy named Benoit would be added soon. Pillman would be gone by about April though and they would replace him with Mongo a few months later. And we couldn’t get those four vs. Sting, Luger, Savage and Hogan in WarGames…why? Yes I know why but I like complaining.

Rating: B. This is ALL angle and while it’s predictable, it’s classic Horsemen. This was the right move to make as it all came off as a great angle and the whole thing worked very well I think. This is a lot based in taste for me so don’t go looking for a great match here.

I love the Horsemen and their shenanigans as this was a great throwback to the 80s with the group beatdown. Pillman never quite fit but Benoit certainly did so there we are. Also it’s funny seeing Sting get beaten down due to being an idiot. Sting vs. these two is hardly bad either.

Luger wants Savage.

We recap Hogan vs. the Dungeon. Basically it’s your standard Hogan vs. Monster and Giant hurts Hogan’s neck. They shaved his mustache and he started wearing black. This naturally started up a war of monster trucks. You see the connection don’t you? I mean it’s clear as day isn’t it? And then on Monday we did something that I don’t want to talk about for as long as I can so we’ll spare it for later.

We come back to the announcers’ table and Bischoff has replaced Tony since Tony had to go play with his hamster I guess. We talk to the guy that made the truck. Yeah no one cares. Apparently the truck weighs 11,000 pounds with 6 foot tall tires.

We go to the roof and a few things to note. First of all, Hogan stands about 7’8 apparently as he TOWERS over those “six foot tall” tires. Second, the rules are you have to get both sets of axels out of the ring, which is 100ft in diameter. Ok, fair enough. Third, we’re going to weld the trucks together. Pay no attention to the fact that they were welded together earlier (this was taped the night before but that isn’t mentioned).

Also for no apparent reason, in this ring we have two charges that will go off if you run over them. Yes, allegedly, on the roof of a building, there are BOMBS that will go off if a truck runs over them. The idiocy here is off the charts. Let’s get this over with.

First of all, we waste a few minutes welding the trucks together. Allegedly these trucks run on alcohol. So wait. There are BOMBS, as in EXPLODING FIRE, near alcohol based fuel? And this company made money??? Again, someone was PAID to make this up. That’s sad.

Oh and they have co-pilots so they’re only driving one set of axels. Hogan gets put halfway out but makes the save. Hogan’s truck has a flag kind of thing that is supposed to be the bandana I guess. One of the bombs goes off and my head hurts. Ah I think I know why Tony left: he has integrity. And Hogan wins of course. Somehow, the idiocy is just beginning.

Giant gets out of his truck and goes after Hogan, and the champ goes back towards the edge of the building. They fight some more up on the ledge and Hogan accidentally knocks Giant OFF THE ROOF. Yes, this was on a major Pay Per View broadcast by a major wrestling company. Hogan’s acting here makes Mr. Nanny look like De Niro. The monster truck dude has to sit here and not break up laughing. That’s just awesome.

And after the apparent death of a wrestler, let’s have a match!

Lex Luger vs. Randy Savage

Man it’s a lucky thing they won their matches and that this is all they had left other than the main event isn’t it? And thus begins a grand WCW tradition of “we’re going to talk about something else entirely while this match is going on.”

Tony: For a minute let’s talk about this match. They make it about 8 seconds. This will apparently be on the front page of every newspaper in the world tomorrow. After some uninteresting wrestling, Jimmy Hart comes down for no adequately explored reason and Luger gets run into him. Elbow ends it.

Rating: F+. This was like 5 minutes long and I don’t remember any of it. That’s never a good sign. Just a total filler here as was the majority of the rest of WCW’s upper midcard around this time. There was this big mystery angle and all that jazz and it never went anywhere.

Heenan wants to know what’s going on and he leaves to go find out. We recap, as in reshow, the Hogan/Giant thing. Tony tries to keep from cracking up despite of Heenan’s overacting.

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

They introduce Giant first but Hogan comes out instead, all in black and sans facial hair. Wow that’s odd to see. Was Hart being Hogan’s BFF ever explained? Giant of course walks out with no explanation at all. In what might be the funniest thing that I have EVER seen in wrestling, the camera shoots back to Hogan just in time for him to turn to the camera and blankly stare while his mouth hangs open in awe.

I laughed out loud for a LONG time. I mean the timing was better than you could have planned if you tried forever. This was hilarious stuff to say the least. Heenan sounds orgasmic over this. His hatred of Hogan stayed forever if nothing else. Hogan has black horns painted on his head. Uh….deep?

He can’t slam him though. Oh and Giant is allegedly Andre’s son. Heenan: Eat Hogan like you would eat villagers! Ok then. Giant hooks a test of strength once Hogan is on his knees already. You know that might be more effective if your muscles were flexing or if you had ANY torque on them.

Heenan says he’s never seen Hogan wrestle in anything other than yellow and red. Odd that he’s seemingly managed against him in blue or white tights but what do I know? Giant is destroying him here. Hogan makes a comeback to some SOLID face pops and knocks Giant to the floor. Taskmaster tries to get Giant to leave but Hogan, like an idiot, stops him. Giant gets a SWEET backbreaker. Hogan was WAY in the air for that and it looked awesome.

Heenan points out how stupid Giant is for not going for Hogan’s bad neck. Give the guy a break Bobby. I mean he just fell off the freaking roof! The bear hug goes on and Tony cracks me up by making it sound like it’s perfectly normal to come back after falling off a roof. Even in kayfabe this is ridiculous. With the paint knocked off Hogan’s head it looks like there’s a Triforce on it. And back to the bear hug. He powers out but walks into the chokeslam. He powers out of that too.

He Hulks Up and the usual puts Giant down, but the referee goes down too. The fans say Jimmy did it. Just to add to the stupidity of this match, when Hogan is yelling at Hart, you can see Giant stick his head up three separate times to see what’s going on. Even playing devil’s advocate and saying he’s playing possum, you don’t have a 7’ monster playing peek-a-boo!

Anyway, Jimmy hits Hogan with the belt but Giant saves him. And it’s bear hug time again. Luger and Savage come out. Luger of course turns heel and….here it comes. This is the thing I didn’t want to talk about all night. On the previous Nitro, the Master had said he had a surprise. At the end of the show, a random block of ice blew up and a mummy came out of it. Yes, I said a mummy.

They called him a Yeti, but he’s a large man wrapped in bandages and tape. What the heck would you call him? With Giant having him in a bear hug, Yeti comes up behind Hogan and more or less dry humps him without actually hurting him at all. It’s Reese from the Flock if you care who is under there.

Luger puts Hogan in the rack to something resembling a pop. They dry hump Savage and rack him too. Giant wins by DQ because he was Hogan’s manager when he hit the referee. They announce that the title can’t change hands on DQ.

OR CAN IT?

Yeah in this match, Hart slipped a clause in, stating that the title CAN change hands on a DQ, so the Giant is the champion. They would strip him of the title in like two weeks and put it up in the inaugural World War Three Battle Royal, which is complete nonsense as Hogan lost the title via a stipulation in a contract he signed without reading. That’s not Giant’s fault but whatever. Hogan and Savage are helped out to end the show. Heenan crying from happiness is funny.

Rating: D. This was a Hogan match with a big angle to end it and nothing more. Giant wasn’t capable of doing much here as he was just a 23 year old kid that had like 5 matches under his belt but he was 7’0 tall, athletic and could talk. I’d push him hard like that too.

Anyway, this wasn’t that good but it was Hogan fighting a monster which was what he was best at so I can’t fault them there. A bit long with FAR too many bear hugs but to be fair Giant had no experience and no real style set yet. He would get a lot better. Yeah this was his WCW debut. I’d say this was fine given the circumstances then.

Overall Rating: F+. Uh…yeah. This show sucked and it sucked bad. The highlight of the show is EASILY the Horsemen thing. Outside of that it’s a bunch of WTF moments with bad wrestling mixed in. This just didn’t work at all and it came off really badly. The whole thing was about Hogan and Giant, which is fine, but the roof thing wound up going nowhere.

It wasn’t mentioned at all in the last 20 minutes of the show and it was never explained at all. In short, it wasn’t needed at all. Just a lot of stuff here that made no sense at all and it didn’t work. Bad show, but a ton of moments that are considered classic bad ones here.

Smackdown
Date: April 8, 2011
Location: Times Union Center, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re kind of in the new year here on Fridays as Edge is still World Champion.  Tonight we’ll probably start the build to Extreme Rules.  Since we’ve kind of passed go here, it’s rather hard to tell what else is going to go on.  It should be interesting as things usually are on this show.  Let’s get to it.

The theme song opens us up.  I guess the enemy this week is wrestling as this isn’t a wrestling company anymore.  The fact that Vince thinks this will get them more accepted by the mainstream is absolutely hysterical and head shaking at the same time.

Cue Alberto minus his car.  Is there a reason why he doesn’t have one as he apparently has like 50 of them?  He says that destiny can be delayed as it was at Wrestlemania.  He blames Edge and Christian for delaying his destiny and destroying his car.  It’s not about the money though, but those cars are like his children.  He starts to talk about revenge but is cut off by Edge.

Edge comes out in a tow truck which is pulling the Rolls Royce.  Nice bit there.  He says that if this car is like his child, Del Rio needs to love it unconditionally.  With a little tender loving care it can be fine again.  Edge pulls out some spray paint and writes something that I think was just scribbles.  Del Rio says he almost got him to tap out at Mania but Edge points out that he didn’t do it.  Alberto wants a rematch and Edge says no because there are people more deserving of title shots.

The driver of the tow truck honks the horn and it’s Christian.  Edge says Christian has beaten Del Rio multiple times so obviously Christian is ahead of Del Rio in line.  Here’s Teddy who makes Del Rio vs. Christian for the shot at Extreme Rules.  The match at the PPV will be a ladder match.

We’ll get to see Cena and Rock again tonight.  By that I mean the same thing from Raw.  They say highlights though which helps a bit.

There’s a rematch of the 8 man tag from Mania next that Josh says has a twist tonight that they’ll explain when we come back.  Now I’m no genius, but given that the graphic of the match says “2 out of 3 falls”, I’m thinking it’s in a cage.  I could be wrong though.

Corre vs. Big Show/Kane/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella

We get a clip from the PPV of Show knocking out Slater and that looked AWESOME.  Kofi’s tights are lime green tonight.  It looked like there was a small edit during Kofi’s entrance but I could be wrong.  The video and song seemed to jump forward a bit.  Gabriel vs. Santino to start us off.  Slater comes in quickly and Corre takes over.  Remember that this is 2/3 falls.

Santino reverses a right hand into a throw and it’s off to Kane.  Show beats on him for a bit also and we get the Andre/Snuka splash with Kofi on top of Slater for two.  He sets for Trouble in Paradise but Gabriel and Barrett make the save as we go to a break.  Back with Kane working over the Intercontinental Champion in the corner.  Booker sounds out of breath for some reason.

Off to Jackson to face Kane.  Jackson gets Kane into the corner and Corre alternates in and out very quickly to hammer away on him.  Finally it’s off to Gabriel who gets a missile dropkick on Kane for two.  Kane finally remembers he’s fighting a cruiserweight and launches Gabriel to the mat.  Off to Kofi who cleans house and gets the first fall off a top rope cross body at 5:30 shown of 9:00.  Kofi looks shocked that he actually got a pin.

We take another break and come back with Slater vs. Santino.  Booker keeps going on and on about being ahead on points or something like that.  Santino escapes a sleeper but is taken down by a forearm for two.  Santino speeds things up and loads up the Cobra (I still can’t believe a move that Jon Lovitz taught him caught on like it did) but gets his head kicked off by Barrett.  Wasteland ties us up at 7:23 shown of 14:23.

Why doesn’t Barrett just cover him again?  There was no mention of a rest period or anything like that.  Barrett hammers away and it’s off to Slater again.  Jackson comes in and this should be a slaughter.  Clothesline in the corner gets two as Big Show DIVES to make the save.  Off to Gabriel and we hit the chinlock.  Show starts a weak Santino chant.

Gabriel misses a cannonball kind of move and it’s off to Kane.  Big side slam to Barrett gets two as does the top rope clothesline.  Everything breaks down as Corre takes over.  Kane sets for a chokeslam but all of Corre comes in to take him out for the DQ in the third fall at 11:10 shown of 18:10 (assuming 3:30 for commercials.  I watch a preairing from Australia so it’s hard to say for sure).

Rating: B-. Nice long match here to treat this like a match that deserved to be on Wrestlemania.  I like that they allowed this to play out so that Corre doesn’t look completely inept.  Also, when’s the last time you remember getting a nearly 20 minute match on free TV after getting a 15 minute one on Raw?  This worked rather well and was better than I expected.

The winners beat up Corre post match, including a triple (Santino helped) chokeslam to Jackson.

Sin Cara is still coming, even though he’s already been on Raw.

Cody Rhodes vs. Trent Barreta

I love Cody’s character right now.  At the forums I post on someone made a great point: Cody’s reaction to this is all the more psychological because everyone can see he looks exactly the same but in his mind he’s hideous now.  That’s very interesting.  Cody takes him down quickly and hammers away.  Trent gets a springboard dropkick to get two though so maybe this won’t be a total squash.  Russian leg sweep gets two for Cody.  This is the aggressive Rhodes as he sends Trent into the post shoulder first and Cross Rhodes ends this at 1:30.  Ok so maybe it was a squash.  Too short to rate.

Post match Cody beats on Trent some more until Rey makes the save.

We get the Rock vs. Cena confrontation from Raw again.  Eats up almost 15 minutes.  I get that it’s a major moment, but you could easily trim it down by at least half.  There’s no real need to use 1/8 of your total show and about 1/5 of your TV time to just show a segment from the more watched show.  I get that it’s huge, but they do this every week.  I’m curious about Corre if nothing else.

Edge says he hopes Christian wins because he’d love to have a ladder match with Christian.  Christian implies he’d win in the ladder match and says Edge can cheer for Alberto if he likes.  The camera stays on Christian after Edge leaves and he looks at the belt which Edge forgot.  Edge comes back and Christian says keep an eye on that, referring to the belt.  No sign of tension or anything here.

Laycool vs. Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix

Is Natalya injured or something?  I haven’t seen her in months.  Apparently she’s been on Superstars.  Ok then.  Josh asks Cole why he’s not in his singlet tonight.  Cole almost says he’s not wrestling tonight but cuts himself off to say entertaining.  The level of idiocy of this continues to astound me.  So remember people: this is an entertainment feature, not a match.  So in other words we have girls in small outfits performing choreographed moves while coming out to hip hop/R&B music while on a platform above the guests and gyrating around with other women.  Sound familiar to anyone else?

Beth vs. Michelle to start us off with Beth destroying her.  Michelle is knocked into Layla so Layla is yelled at.  Backbreaker gets two for Beth.  Layla is tagged in as Laycool argues.  After a scary press slam, Kelly is brought in and does her Tarantula kind of move to Layla.  X Factor gets two.  Layla reaches for a tag and McCool falls to the floor like Layla did, allowing Kelly to roll Layla up for the pin at 2:50.  Far more story advancement than match and that’s fine.

Laycool argues in the aisle.

We get a clip from Raw of Cole spraying barbecue sauce on Lawler.  In the arena Cole asks who shot JR.  HE DID!  Cole brings out Swagger who says training Cole was easy because Cole is smart and talented.  Swagger declares Cole the new Mr. Wrestlemania.  They take a victory lap but some music hits.  It’s Sin Cara who does his trampoline jump into the ring and takes Swagger down using a variety of speed moves including a corkscrew plancha to the floor.

We get the end of the Miz/Austin clip from Raw which was good.

Layla comes up to Michelle in the back and hands her a paper.  They’re going to have couples counseling.  Michelle says they’re not a couple.  Layla says just show up.

Decent length video recapping the Hall of Fame inductions.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Lot of time for this one.  We take a break before Christian’s entrance which is a nice perk because it means there will be some more time before the first break in the match.  Edge comes out to be on commentary.  Edge isn’t sure who he prefers to face as Christian is good with the ladders also.  Edge has been in 19 ladder matches.  That’s insane.

Christian takes Del Rio down with a headlock to start us off.  Both are sent to the floor at different times with Christian being the last one in the ring.  Big dropkick sends Del Rio crashing onto the floor again.  We take a break and come back with Christian being slammed into the steps.  Del Rio takes over and chokes him on the ropes back in the ring.

Time to start on the arm now as is Del Rio’s custom.  Christian fires off a bit right hand and goes up which gets him nowhere.  Well he went up but it didn’t advance him in the match anywhere.  Maybe I should just move on.  Superplex puts both guys down and Christian plays possum to get a cradle for two.  Edge is ripping into Cole here and it’s rather funny stuff.

Back to the floor again with both guys via a Cactus Clothesline from Christian.  Better than up their noses with a rubber hose I guess.  Christian fights back and gets an elbow off the middle rope for two.  Top rope cross body gets two.  Ricky Steamboat he is not.  Killswitch is reversed into an attempt at the armbreaker but that is broken up also.  Del Rio sends him into the corner and grabs the armbreaker but Christian gets a rope.  Christian sets for something but Brodus stops him.  Edge spears Brodus but the distraction allows Del Rio to hit the enziguri off the top for the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: C+. Surprisingly enough this wasn’t very good.  It’s not bad but I couldn’t get into this one at all.  They were trying but at the same time nothing ever really got going.  Del Rio winning is probably the best choice as Edge vs. Christian is a potentially big match that needs to be on a big stage.  That being said I think we can pencil it in for Over the Limit.  Not bad, but I wasn’t huge on this one.

Overall Rating: B. Good show this week as it was very wrestling heavy and we had multiple storylines advanced at the same time.  Things seem to be staying the same after Mania but that’s ok I guess as it tends to be the custom after Mania.  Good show here but then again that’s par for the course here.  They’ve gotten very good at the use of squashes to advance stories which is incredibly hard to do in today’s product.  Solid show overall here though.

Results

Kane/Big Show/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston b. Corre via DQ when all four members of Corre were in the ring at the same time

Cody Rhodes b. Trent Barreta – Cross Rhodes

Beth Phoenix/Kelly Kelly b. Laycool – Kelly Kelly pinned Layla with a rollup

Alberto Del Rio b. Christian – Enziguri

Impact
Date: April 7, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: The Rise of the Fallen Angel

After two back to back solid shows we now have two shows before Impact and now have the returning Christopher Daniels to replace AJ Styles in Lethal Lockdown.  Also we now have the main event set for the world title match as it’s Sting vs. RVD vs. Anderson which is probably the best option.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Daniels’ return last week and presumably him being named to the Fourtune team at Lockdown.

Here’s Fourtune to open the show.  Daniels talks about how he’s been in and out of TNA a bunch of times now.  He’s had good times and bad times here but that’s not what matters because that’s the wrestling business.  What matters are the friendships you make in the business, like the one he made eight years ago with a guy named AJ Styles.  After seeing what Bully Ray did a few weeks ago, e Hehe knew it was time to come back.  He asks Fourtune if he can be on the team at Lockdown, but before they can answer here’s Immortal.

In this case it’s Flair, Ray, Matt and Abyss.  Flair says this is beyond fixing and rants about how this is wrestling and Daniels is nothing in this business.  There’s an offer to Daniels to leave now because someone is going to get hurt at Lockdown.  Daniels also has no contract so he needs to get out of here because he’s not going to be able to wrestle at the PPV.  Daniels says that Hogan, Flair and Bischoff aren’t going to matter because the Network says they want him here.

Cue Hogan and Bischoff who say that what the Network wants they get, so tonight it’s Daniels vs. Ray.  Ray gets in Daniels’ face and talks about how Daniels should go back to California and put on more makeup.  Daniels drills him and Hogan wants security who comes out and breaks it up.

Anderson is in the back on a laptop but sees a note for him.  It says “Last week was just a trailer.  Tonight it’s SHOWTIME!  Your friend, Stinger”.  He starts singing a version of the theme to Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and goes back to his laptop.

Back with Hogan complaining about the Network and he thinks the Network has a wrestler in it because they think like a wrestler.  He slams the door in the face of the cameraman as he rants about them.

Hernandez/Anarquia vs. Tommy Dreamer/D-Von

Well this is kind of an odd team.  Tenay asks who better than Dreamer for D-Von to recruit.  …a lot of people Tenay!  D-Von and Anarquia start but this stops being anything resembling a tag match very quickly.  What’s Up to Anarquia and then everything breaks down even further.  Rosita gets in the ring and D-Von kisses her, which allows Anarquia to pop D-Von with a chair and Hernandez falls on top for the pin at 2:00.  Barely even a match.

Post match the girls roll back the mats on the floor and Hernandez teases a Border Toss to Dreamer to the concrete but Matt Morgan makes the save and we take a break.

Back and Winter is brainwashing Angelina some more.  Winter says she loves her.  Angelina is drinking that drink again.

Samoa Joe vs. Murphy

Pope is on commentary of course.  Murphy jumps him to start as Tenay talks to Pope about the beginning of this angle for some reason.  And the Koquina Clutch ends this in 46 seconds.  Joe chases Pope off.

Anderson is looking for someone but stops to get coffee.  And there’s a note for him there too.  This one says “Tonight let’s finish what we started Kenny Boy.  Stinger.”  Anderson destroys the coffee stuff.

Knockout Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. Rosita/Sarita

Angelina Love is in a trance here and can’t even do the entrance.  Sarita jumps Velvet as she gets in which doesn’t last long.  Angelina keeps staring forward.  Off to Rosita now who Velvet beats up also.  Angelina doesn’t react to an offer of a tag at all.  Winter comes to the stage and makes a sign of snap her in half so Angelina stuns Velvet over the ropes and hammers away at her.  Rosita gets the easy pin at 2:00.

Anderson is looking for Sting and has a pipe.  He runs into Jordan and Young and Young says Sting is probably in the rafters.  Jordan says he’s into Anderson’s catchphrase thing.

Jeff Jarrett has a Lockdown promise for Angle later.

Back with Anderson searching the rafters for Sting and finds….nothing.  Someone is following him though and the person seems to be kind of tall.  It doesn’t appear to be Sting as the hair is too short.  Oh it’s RVD.  He says it’s 4:20 so Anderson is about to get smoked.  Good looking knees to the face of Anderson as this is a total beating.  RVD falls down carrying him off but locks a modified triangle choke on Anderson who has no room to move around at all in the confined space.  Van Dam says that wouldn’t be enough to beat Sting and chokes Anderson out with the pipe as we go to another break.

After a quick video on RVD and Anderson and a recap of what we just saw, here’s Sting, calling out RVD.  Sting apologizes to RVD for what he did to him last year and says that he’s here to get rid of Hogan and Bischoff.  Hogan and Bischoff make RVD vs. Sting for tonight, presumably non-title.

Tara says Madison is insane and she won’t do what Madison wants her to do.  Madison says Tara has a job because of Madison.  They get on the motorcycle and leave.  No idea where to.

Generation Me/Robbie E vs. Brian Kendrick/Chris Sabin/Suicide

Where did they did some of these guys up from?  Sabin vs. Robbie to start and the face team destroys Robbie one by one.  Suicide hammers on Max as there isn’t much to say here.  This is to hype up the X-Division Xscape match at Lockdown.  Off to Kendrick who destroys everything in sight and it all breaks down quickly.  Jeremy sets for something off the top but Max crotches him and DDTs him off the top.  Kendrick steals the pin at 4:40.

Rating: C. Just a standard Cruiserweight match with a screwy ending.  I guess we lose another team from the tag team division but hey, I’m sure it’s still awesome because it was at one point right?  Not much of a match but they did what they could in the time given out there.

Hogan yells at Immortal and has Gunner slap Rob Terry and someone else that I couldn’t recognize.  Anderson comes in with the pipe and is tired of getting beaten up every week so he asks Hogan for a favor.  Anderson offers his “support” in exchange for protection and shakes hands with Hogan.  He’s now the referee in the main event and Hogan says take the pipe with you.

We see Madison and Tara leaving Mickie laying and speeding off on the bike.

Back with medics looking at Mickie.

Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels

This is a lumberjack match so we can have our big pull apart brawl.  Ray controls early but Daniels manages to send him to the floor for a bit.  He lands in front of Immortal though so no harm befalls him.  Back in and Ray drills him with some loud chops to take over again.  Ray tries to get the chain in but that gets him nowhere.  Daniels gets an enziguri and a rana to take over.  Running STO sets up the BME which gets the long two as Flair pulls the referee out.  Somehow that isn’t a DQ and the brawl allows Hogan to pop Daniels with the chain for the pin at 6:25.

Rating: D+. The lumberjacks were only there for the very ending.  Other than that they played no role whatsoever which tends to be a problem with TNA gimmick matches: the gimmicks don’t really need to be there but they’re around anyway.  Not much of a match here but it advances Lethal Lockdown well enough I guess.  Nice way to push your big returning star too.

After a break, here’s Jarrett in the cage.  He talks about Kurt being arrested last week like a common street thug.  He says that if the cage match had happened a few months ago, the cops would have arrested him (Jarrett) for hurting Angle.  The kids won’t be visiting Angle in prison because they need more of Daddy Jeff at the moment.

There’s some kind of special entrance set up for Karen but it’s Kurt’s theme instead.  He flies in like Spider-Man and locks the door.  Kurt runs into the cameraman and Jarrett (and Karen who came out) run.  This is all they put the cage up for?

Back and Kurt says he’s going to hurt Jeff at Lockdown.  Oh and the Network says there will be a stipulation for the match.  No word on what that is.

Rob Van Dam vs. Sting

Anderson is referee and this is non-title.  Sting grabs a headlock to start but Van Dam breaks that and gets some kicks from the middle and top rope.  Rolling Thunder gets two.  RVD argues about the count but it was fine.  Stinger Splash gets two and Sting argues a bit also.  There’s the Scorpion Death Drop out of nowhere but Anderson drops Sting with the Mic Check.  He counts them both out and jumps from 1 to 6 and then to 9 in about 3 seconds.  Five Star to Sting ends this at 3:16.

Rating: D. Well this was pointless but it was long enough to warrant a grading.  Was there a point to having RVD get the pin here?  I’d say the same thing about Sting pinning RVD, but I guess this is better than another no contest.  Also we get that Anderson is against both of them, which he was in the first place.

Anderson lays RVD out with the belt and asks Van Dam about the rematch.  Terry and Murphy come out and put Anderson on their shoulders to end the show.  Hogan comes out to clap.  Apparently we’re not done yet as it’s a Mic Check for Terry and Murphy.  Well at least they didn’t go with the obvious ending.  He points the pipe at Hogan and says he’s next.  Hogan rants about Anderson to really end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was almost a chore to sit through.  Now even though most people probably aren’t going to read past the previous sentence, I’m not saying this was a horrible show because they’ve had far worse ones before.  However, you had to matches end in partners turning on each other, two matches ending in weapon shots and other than Immortal and the world title match, almost nothing new happened.  It was a very boring show that dragged really badly which isn’t a good sign in the slightest going into the second biggest show of the year.  Bad show and a disappointment after their last two shows.

Results

Anarquia/Hernandez b. D-Von/Tommy Dreamer – Hernandez pinned D-Von after a chair shot from Anarquia

Samoa Joe b. Murphy – Koquina Clutch

Rosita/Sarita b. Beautiful People – Rosita pinned Sky after Love attacked Sky

Chris Sabin/Brian Kendrick/Suicide b. Generation Me/Robbie E – Kendrick pinned Jeremy Buck after a DDT from Max Buck

Fall Brawl 1995
Date: September 17, 1995
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,600
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

So this is about two things: WarGames and Arn Anderson vs. Ric Flair. Now this is important for a few other reasons as to begin with, Nitro has debuted at this point so we have a TV show on a night other than Saturday. With that show, Luger is here now. On the preshow, Hogan was on a motorcycle the fans gave him and Giant tried to run over him with a monster truck. Sadly it missed. Let’s get to this.

Brian Pillman vs. Johnny B. Badd

This is the number one contender match for the US Title. Badd was constantly opening shows, but this match is special as you’ll soon see. Those Frisbees are really stupid though. His intro takes like 3 minutes after the bell rings, just for him to throw stuff to the fans. And then Buffer talking about both guys takes even longer. Is wrestling such a hard thing to do?

Pillman gets booed actually. That’s most odd. They feel each other out to start which is a fine way to start so there we are. They start off with some solid stuff which is always a perk. This is a pretty fast paced match so far which is a good sign. Heenan cracks me up by saying that Badd is like Sting’s cocker spaniel because Sting trained him. We have a Bobby the Brain Heenan For President.

Heenan of course bashes him, but says he would appreciate a donation. Heenan is on fire tonight. They go to the mat again which is hurting things a bit. They plug Nitro tomorrow which would be the third show in history. That’s very odd indeed. We go to a wide camera shot which makes sure not to let us see the camera side, which I would bet is about 10% full.

Tony offers some insight by saying the far leg is the leg that is furthest away. Yep I love him too. Pillman goes heel here by throwing a punch. He would soon snap and go full heel but more on that later. Badd gets a weird submission hold where his feet are under Brian’s shoulders and he’s pulling back on his arms. That would hurt quite a bit I’d think. Brian is getting booed more and more.

See what something simple like just a straight punch can do? Brian hits the floor as this is getting good. A springboard legdrop gets two for Badd. It’s kind of sad that the fans are just wandering around when there’s a solid match going on because that’s what they’re so used to from WCW. That can’t be a good sign. With Badd on the floor we have five minutes to go. The over the top rope rule continues to be changed every show as Badd suplexes him over.

And now he jumps over the top to take Brian out as they crank it up again. Johnny goes for a double axe from the top but jumps into a dropkick with four minutes to go. Brian gets a Tombstone with 3 minutes left. Even the WCW crowd is into this so how much does that tell you about this match?

And we hit an armbar with 2 minutes to go. Ok then. And now Brian does the same. That’s kind of stupid. There’s a minute left and we’re in a rest hold. Yeah that’s brilliant. Badd gets his big punch with 20 seconds left but Brian is in the ropes. A springboard clothesline gets two for Brian and we’re out of time. The fans boo the that out of the building.

BUT WAIT!

There must be a winner, so we go to sudden death! It’s one fall to a finish so the sudden death term is kind of pointless but we get more of a good match so there you are. Heenan has never heard of this. Really? We go to the floor and it’s a slugfest. Badd uses the same dropkick counter on Brian that got used on him earlier. And that is what you call psychology.

We get a double count which is idiotic given the must be a winner idea. Heenan says no one has tried the one thing that could win: a pipe wrench. I love that. Pillman gets a sleeper which is smart after over 20 minutes of hard wrestling. We talk about the main event where Heenan seems to fantasize over someone turning on Hogan. A sunset flip off the top gets a LONG two for Badd. Crucifix is countered into a back slam.

This is a great match in case you can’t tell. Hurricanrana from the middle rope, which was an epic move at the time, gets just two for Badd. Tornado DDT, Pillman’s finisher, just gets two. We go BACK to the floor where Badd hits a somersault plancha over the top which he nearly misses and Pillman is out. He goes for a slingshot splash but Pillman gets the knees up for a block. We’re over 35 minutes into the broadcast and we’re still in the opener.

The overtime has been a solid match in its own right after a great opening 20 minutes. They get back in the ring and freaking FLY off the ropes about three times each before both go for cross bodies but Pillman lands on Badd’s knee so it’s almost like a backbreaker which is enough for the pin to blow the roof off the place. Well as much as that small of a crowd can do at least.

Rating: A. GREAT match. This is what two young guys can do when they’re given a ton of time and can show off. This is pretty easily Badd’s best match ever and it’s one of Pillman’s best. Somehow though, that’s not even Brian’s best PPV opener. That’s hard to believe. Find this match as it’s worth watching.

Flair talks about growing up as a wrestler with Arn and how they are so much alike. To say the blowoff for this at Halloween Havoc was great is an understatement. One thing though: Flair says the Horsemen were masters of the WarGames. Did they ever win a televised one? Flair says the problem is that he loves Arn, but one of them is going to have to explain to their son why one is better than the other. GREAT interview.

Sadly, the show is more or less downhill from here.

Cobra vs. Craig Pittman

So Cobra is more famously known as NWO Sting but here’s he’s an ex-CIA agent. And he’s a pro wrestler. Sure why not. Pittman is an ex-marine or something. And he’s not here. Apparently there’s a really stupid backstory here that isn’t important. No Pittman, but here is his private.

Ignore that he’s Prince Iaukea minus being an islander or a Prince at all. Pittman then repels from the ceiling. Yes, a guy is repelling from the ceiling to fight a fake Sting. There’s irony there somewhere. I have no clue who is face or heel here but I don’t think it matters. This is maybe a minute long with Pittman winning with a cross armbreaker. It was worse than it sounds.

Rating: F. This was just idiotic and WAY over the top to call it a no rating. Just stupid as all goodness and NO ONE cared. Waste of time and money. Oh and the arena is now 15 stories high. Sure why not.

We talk about Paul Orndorff having issues with confidence. We see him ranting to himself with no issues about having a camera there. And here’s a television psychic with a big white afro to talk to him. And Orndorff once main evented a show in Toronto in front of 60,000 people. How is this possible? This is just idiotic and Orndorff was gone soon enough anyway. The acting here is about as bad as you could imagine.

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Renegade

So more or less, one of these guys was supposed to be a big deal and bombed and one was supposed to be a joke and became a big deal. You can figure out which. Page jumps Renegade to start. In a great line from Bobby: “This is a new DDP. This man has energy. This man has vision. This man is…flat out on the floor!” Dang he is cracking me up tonight. Kimberly is getting ticked off at having to do what DDP said.

She would get far hotter when she straightened her hair. Renegade just can’t do much and on top of that, no one liked him. It’s mostly DDP in control here as even though he’s very green, he’s FAR better here. They point out that this is the longest Renegade match ever. That’s just not a good sign at all. To be fair though, Rob Terry is doing the same thing today and he seems to be a success.

Renegade makes his comeback with no one caring. Hart is freaking out on him as we hear again how WCW is number one. Page gets a sweet jumping DDT for a counter though which helps things out a lot. Maxx Muscle goes after Hart so Renegade jumps at him. He grabs Renegade’s foot to allow the Diamond Cutter for the pin and DDP’s first title.

Rating: D. This was the right decision about a million times over. Renegade just was not any good at all and DDP was rapidly getting better. They had to make the change to someone. This was one instance where they saw the writing on the wall and just pulled the plug on a terrible angle.

We talk about Sherri and Colonel Parker and Tony is absolutely losing it on camera.

WCW Tag Titles: Bunkhouse Buck/Dick Slater vs. Harlem Heat

The talented tag team is challenging here. The idea here is more about the managers though as apparently they like each other. The match is going to suck though. Oh and along with this, we only have Arn/Flair and War Games. We’re an hour and five minutes into the show. That simply can’t be a good sign. I also have issues with a guy names Dirty Dick. Also, they gave THESE TWO the tag titles after like 5 months of Heat vs. Nasty Boys?

I don’t like the Nasties, but they’re light years ahead of these morons. Booker and Slater start so at least the one good wrestler in the match is starting us off. Slater is one of those good old southern boys that allegedly was really talented but never shook either the southern stigma or the lack of talent to get over. Crowd is deader than Booker’s career at this point. Again I love how two hicks like this are supposed to be trained wrestlers.

There’s something amusing about that. Yeah the idea here is that Sherri has a bump on the head and isn’t herself. Somehow this was put on national TV as a mainstream wrestling company with angles like that. Wow indeed. Apparently Dick Slater is one of the best wrestlers in the history of the sport. I can barely laugh at how stupid that is.

On the floor the managers are playing this messed up cat and mouse game that is just rather creepy. The fans prove they’re still alive with a short and incomprehensible chant. It’s weird hearing them talk about Booker as a power guy. That’s most odd indeed. Heenan seems like he wants to talk about Buck being undressed. Ok then. The heels are controlling most of the match here.

You can tell the match itself is pretty awful as I’ve barely talked about it. I’m trying very hard to think of anything else to talk about so that I don’t have to actually pay attention. Fact: I used to have this tape and this match cured my insomnia over a summer. I didn’t sleep regularly for a month but this match put me to sleep in five minutes. That’s saying something. We talk about WarGames to kill some time.

This match needs to end BADLY. And trust me, since this is WCW< I’m sure that will mean both possible things. Stevie gets the I guess you could say hot tag to get the crowd to do nothing at all. And here is that finish as Parker and Sherri get into the other ring and kiss. At the same time the Nasty Boys are here and rip Slater’s boot off to smack him in the head with it to give the Heat the titles. While this is happening, Sherri and Parker are still kissing. I hate this show.

Rating: F+. This was just terrible. The ending sucked and the match was worse. Who thought that Buck and Slater were the best options? Seriously, the American Males were on the preshow. They’re not the best in the world by any stretch of the imagination but they’re better than Buck and Slater. It’s stuff like this that is freaking idiotic and gave WCW the bad name it had.

Buck is ticked at Parker and lets him know. We’ll ignore the fact that he is perfect coherent and only has a mild southern accent despite allegedly being a mindless tough guy. Parker says he feels like he’s 20 years old and is in love. Oh dear. This went more or less nowhere as they managed the Heat as co-managers for awhile until they realized Booker had real talent and gave him a push.

Halloween Havoc is coming. Oh man that show. It might be dumber than Uncensored 96 if you can believe that.

Arn Anderson is with Gene as we see a package about this feud. Basically, Flair had used Arn as a guy to do his dirty work while Flair was obsessed with Hogan. It got to the point where they lost a handicap match to Vader. That’s insane when you think about it.

Yes, this is the time where Flair became the insane man that is obsessed with Hogan that he is now. Back in reality, Arn says that this has to happen even though he loves Flair, but win lose or draw, he’s going to respect himself in the morning and Flair is going to respect him. Ok, there is no way at all this can’t be awesome.

Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson

Ok, now this is actually cool. Arn always dominated the lower card to midcard while Flair was always world champion. Why did Arn never get a shot? Something interesting to note is a Flair 3:16 sign in the crowd a full 9 months before Austin gave him famous speech. A bunch of wrestlers are here to watch this. For old school fans, this is a very odd match indeed. It’s scary how much darker Anderson is than Flair.

Heenan says Flair has been a jerk. Now that’s not something you’ll hear often. Anderson goes to the arm which is his normal thing. And let’s blame Hogan for this to make sure he’s mentioned in most of if not all of the segments. This is a very slow start but that’s all fine and good I think. This is a huge match that can do what it wants.

They get a lot of counters and technical stuff in there as the announcers ask why Arn never got a shot. Oh and they try to make it sound like WCW was the company that went worldwide first. I’ll let them have that because even they can’t believe that one. They simply can’t. Arn gets a weak sleeper as the fans don’t know who to cheer for here. It never ceases to amaze me how simple things like arm work can do so much for a match.

Ok again Tony says that Flair is Arn’s cousin. This is a common thing to be said and for the maybe 3 people that don’t know otherwise, it’s true. Flair is Anderson’s cousin by way of their aunt Clotilda. Not true but I wanted to work the name Clotilda into a review for various psychotic reasons. Flair was often billed as a cousin to the Andersons back in the old days as a way to validate them being partners. That’s where that comes from.

It really is cool to see two guys that know each other this well FINALLY have a match. Flair goes up and actually gets his shot. That’s amazing to say the least. Heenan gets on too much of a rant and says that if Flair gets the figure four on then the referee will have to stop it and if Arn DDTs Flair….well that’s another story but neither guy will give up. That got a laugh out of me.

The knee drop completely misses but is sold anyway. Arn just goes off on Flair in the corner and it’s awesome. I love how sometimes Bobby gets on a roll and Tony has to just ignore him due to how out of left field some of the stuff is. Flair takes over for awhile with his usual stuff. There’s a feeling to this match that you just don’t get that often. Flair gets stuck in the Tree of Woe and Arn chokes away.

It’s hard to tell if Arn is being evil or if he hates Flair. DDT is blocked. Arn calls a spot to Flair on a two count. Figure Four is almost on but Arn blocks the leg. Never mind it didn’t work. Flair spits at him and Arn is FIRED UP. Crowd is WAY into this.

With Arn holding his knee, Brian Pillman of all people gets up on the apron and they trade punches. Pillman kicks him in the back of the head and Flair staggers into the DDT for the pin. This would be explained in solid detail, especially at Halloween Havoc so I’ll spare you the spoilers.

Rating: A-. Just a great match that felt like a bit match. Did you really expect this match to not be awesome? It was as great as you would expect it to be as Arn got to show that he could have a great match against a guy like Flair and beat him. That’s something he never really got to do and it needed to happen. Great match.

Taskmaster gives a messed up interview about Hogan. Just wait until you hear the lineups here and you’ll see why no one really cared about this match, despite how great of a gimmick match it is.

Now for those of you that don’t know the rules, here you go. You have two teams of four men. A guy from each team is sent in and they fight for five minutes. Then there is a coin toss to determine which team gets to go in next (the heels literally never lost this).

This gives the team that won a 2-1 advantage which lasts for two minutes. After those two minutes pass, we get a member from the losing team in to make it 2-2. After two more minutes, we get another member from the team that won. They alternate every two minutes until we have all 8 in. Then it’s first submission wins.

We get a recap of the feud including clips of the segment where the faces BLOW UP A BUILDING.

The face team talks about how they all have drank Agent Orange so they can’t get hurt. Hogan calls the Dungeon of Doom the Dungeon of Goom. Is that supposed to be an insult? I’m actually not sure.

WarGames: Hulkamaniacs vs. Dungeon of Doom

Dungeon: Meng, Kamala, Shark, Zodiac
Hulkamaniacs: Hulk Hogan, Lex Luger, Sting, Randy Savage

Gee, thing it’s one sided enough??? Luger replaced Vader who jumped to WWF a week earlier. They say a stipulation has been added where if Team Hogan wins, he gets 5 minutes with the Taskmaster in the cage tonight. They announced that earlier but maybe the crowd didn’t know yet. Now remember, we have Hogan, Luger, Sting and Savage, a WCW All-Star team vs. Kamala, Haku, Brutus Beefcake and Earthquake. Yeah this is a main event apparently.

Ok to be fair, this is the major feud in the company in their signature match so that makes sense. I have no issue there. I just don’t think this is the best they could do. Why not Flair and Anderson with two other guys? It would at least be more interesting. Sting and Shark start us off. More or less Sting massacres him as you would expect. Shark finally gets some offense in after Sting goes for a slam like the idiot he tended to be.

Sting is one of my favorites ever, but he did some DUMB stuff at times. In a funny spot, Shark goes to the end of one ring and after a running start, JUMPS OVER THE ROPE. However he doesn’t make it all the way as he gets stuck on the two sets of ropes over the gap in the rings. What a visual.

With 30 seconds to go before another guy comes in, Sting goes for the leg. With three seconds to go the Scorpion is on. The heels win the toss (naturally) and Zodiac comes in. In a cool spot, Sting grabs the top of the cage and pulls himself up and kicks Zodiac in the head. Sting does what he can but there is too much fat in there.

Savage comes in to tie it up. Like a crazy man he tries to suplex Shark. Are we really supposed to believe Sting and Savage can’t handle these two? The cage isn’t that great so Savage’s leg is hanging out of the cage and the heels are beating on it. His partners ignore him of course so there we are. Kamala comes in as it’s 3-2. Has Kamala ever won a big match? I don’t think so.

Luger makes it 3-3. There just isn’t much to say about this match as the periods are too short to really get anything going. Also the face team is so ridiculously stacked that there’s no drama whatsoever. Luger accidentally hits Savage to attempt to give us some drama as Meng comes in to make it 4-3. Ok now why would Meng hit Luger there? Savage is using energy and hurting Luger so why stop him? The heels dominate for the rest of the period and here he is.

Hogan is the final guy in of course and he has powder. Not only does he have a far better roster of guys but he comes in and cheats. That’s Hogan for you I guess. Naturally he beats up the four guys more or less on his own when Sting, Luger and Savage combined couldn’t do it. That makes perfect sense right?

Heenan says this is like Bosnia. Even Tony stops him on that one. It’s just total domination here as you would expect. This is totally boring at this point as there is no way the heels are winning it. And Hogan gets a TERRIBLE camel clutch on Zodiac for the submission to win.

Rating: D. And that’s with an elevated rating due to it being WarGames. This was just AWFUL as it was so painfully boring. There was never any drama at all. I mean look at the rosters. Would you believe for a second that Hogan’s team was ever going to lose? Of course not and no one bought the heels as having a chance. It could have been worse I guess. Ok no it couldn’t be. One of the weakest WarGames ever.

Sullivan fights Hogan now in really just a beating rather than a match. Everyone else is gone at this point so keep that in mind. Sullivan is nearly a foot shorter than Hogan. It’s very amusing to see. And here’s the Giant to sneak up on Hogan. He jumps over the ropes as he was just awesome at this time.

He does something to Hogan’s neck which put him out for awhile before the inevitable match at Halloween Havoc. Sting, Savage and Luger run out for the save as Hogan is hurt to end the show. Heenan is freaking happy to say the least.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a show where various things give and take from it. You have two GREAT matches, a non match, a title change that had to happen, a terrible title match, and a terrible main event but FINALLY something different to end the show.

This could have been FAR worse had they not had their great stuff in there like they did. Two great matches and a horrible main event make this mostly passable I guess though. Definitely check those two out as they’re great and combine for nearly an hour of the show. Other than that, take a pass.

NXT
Date: April 5, 2011
Location: Time Warner Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

This is week number five and now we’re back to the regular kind of NXT shows where we only lose 10 minutes a week to the main show building stuff.  The season needs to get moving along though as we haven’t heard about an elimination yet and I can’t take much more Jacob Novak.  Anyway this is kind of a new year show in the WWE logic so maybe the energy from last night will carry over here.  Let’s get to it.

Now that I’ve found what city this is in, we can get going.  WWE.com recently redesigned, making it a lot harder to

We bring out the rookies and go over the scores.  O’Neil has 9 points, Young has 7 and everyone else has zero.  The first challenge is a trivia game.  The idea is a category is named and you have to give an answer in that category as we go down the line.  First up is Wrestlemania 27 winners.  Young says Bret Hart right off the bat and is gone.  Cannon asks where Matt’s girlfriend was last night because Cannon does.  O’Brian can’t come up with anything.

Next category is 2011 HOF inductees.  We have Novak, O’Neil and Saxton left.  Novak is gone because he repeats Bob Armstrong.  Category 3 is name any former NXT rookie.  After saying themselves they list off the Nexus and this goes on for awhile.  No girls named yet until Titus repeats Saxton and gives Saxton the win and 4 points.  I’d bet almost anything on him winning whatever match he’s in tonight.

Titus/Horny vs. Young/Chavo tonight.  Yes, it’s Chavo vs. Hornswoggle again.

Jacob Novak vs. Conor O’Brian

Kozlov’s arm is in a sling.  Conor works on the arm to start as we talk about the color of Novak’s tights.  Now he works the leg.  I think this is supposed to be a long running feud on NXT.  The problem with this is that Rat Boy is the far better of the two, which coming from me you know isn’t a good thing.  Novak takes over with various stuff and gets a neckbreaker for two.

We hit the chinlock with O’Brian in trouble.  Regal talks about the NXT guys going around at Mania weekend and picking the brains of legends and pros, which is a good job by Regal of playing up the whole “they’re rookies” thing.  Regal insists he never threw European Uppercuts but rather British Uppercuts.  While he goes on about that, O’Brian rolls Novak up for the pin at 4:15.

Rating: D. Again, these two are just there.  It’s the problem with this entire show and the majority of the WWE farm system: these guys are just people.  There’s nothing distinguishing the vast majority of them other than Cannon being the ladies man or whatever he is.  This is definitely the biggest proof of that as these two are the most generic people I can remember this side of Johnny Curtis.  Dull match from these two as usual.

Cannon comes up to Tatsu and says he’s sorry for last week and that he thinks Maryse likes Tatsu.  He points out that Maryse is right over there so Tatsu should ask her out.  Tatsu does, apparently not caring that DiBiase is right next to her and gets beaten up as he should.  Maryse yells at Ted but Ted says Yoshi couldn’t afford Maryse, which makes Maryse leave with him, seemingly willingly.

Long video on the Hall of Fame class of 2011.  Carey was gracious at least and acknowledged he didn’t do much.  Why Bob Armstrong is in there is beyond me.

Kozlov brags to JTG about how his rookie beat JTG’s rookie.  JTG says Novak’s rookie is generic.  JTG’s rookie is Jacob Novak if you’ve forgotten.  This is like some weird argument at a little league game.  They make an unspecified wager on who can make their rookie look better first.

Darren Young/Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle/Titus O’Neil

Make this quick.  The rookies start us off as we debate whether or not Titus should ever tag in Horny.  Titus has an incredible look but he looks like he’s had a total of 9 seconds of ring time.  Horny doesn’t want a tag so it’s Titus vs. Chavo.  We hear the history of Chavo vs. Horny as my head shakes.  Chavo does what he can but he’s not a miracle worker.

Horny tags himself in and the pop is of course big.  Horny wants Young and what the leprechaun wants the leprechaun gets.  Young gets on his knees as we waste a lot of time.  They actually do a test of strength and Horny kicks him in the ribs.  There’s the tag back to Titus who gets a powerslam and barks.  Chavo gets knocked to the floor which is called a tag and Titus lays down for the frog splash.  Horny bites Chavo’s leg and hides under the ring to prevent the move.  Young comes at Titus but walks into the Sky High (I heard this was called the Clash of the Titan but I’m not sure) to end it at 4:30.

Rating: C-. For a comedy tag match this wasn’t too bad.  Titus isn’t as bad as he was in the second season as he now has a big power move like he was needing badly.  Horny was there for the kids and that worked fine.  Not horrid here but it’s nothing I ever want to see again.

We get the full Rock/Cena thing from last night.  I’m not sure if they’re going to make it all the way to Wrestlemania and I’m not sure if it’s a great idea, but it’s certainly something worth paying attention to.  Rock saying he respects Cena and getting booed for it does not come off as a good sign at all though.  Fashion advice from the Tooth Fairy is still a good line.  I still don’t get the Corre’s involvement or why Booker laughed when they came out.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Ted DiBiase

Well at least this has some build to it.  We also get Tatsu’s awesome song so that helps a lot.  Regal talks about fighting a hunchback over a tattooed dwarf, incorporating a Percy Sledge song in the same sentence.  DiBiase takes him down quickly and gets a double stomp off the middle rope.  Regal says getting rid of Maryse would enhance his career.  Grisham says that Tatsu would like to have his samurai sword pierce her heart.  Wouldn’t that kill her???  He also calls this a Haku as Regal said it was poetic.  And then Ted goes off on Tatsu and gets disqualified for beating on him too much at 2:00.  Ok then.

Maryse yells at DiBiase so DiBiase says it’s NXT or him and she has a week to decide.

Overall Rating: C. This was probably the best show this season but I’m not sure how much that’s saying.  The matches weren’t anything great but the pacing was better, they kept the challenges to a minimum and the comedy was a bit better.  Not a good show but FAR less annoying this week, which is a huge upgrade for them.

Results

Byron Saxton won the Hot Seat Trivia Challenge

Conor O’Brian b. Jacob Novak – Rollup

Titus O’Neil/Hornswoggle b. Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young

Yoshi Tatsu b. Ted DiBiase via DQ when DiBiase repeatedly punched Tatsu