NXT – May 31, 2011 – More Wrestling Than Impact. Seriously.

NXT
Date: May 31, 2011
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole

Another elimination tonight and I have a feeling it’ll be Saxton because that’s the guy that doesn’t need to be gone.  O’Brian will continue to be around and waste all of our time because he has no character and nothing of interest in the slightest overall.  Cannon and O’Neil are definitely the strongest out there and I’d be ok with either winning….I think.  Anyway let’s get to it.

Todd calls this trimming the fat tonight.  At least they admit some of these guys are worthless.

Striker and Maryse are with the rookies in the ring.  They bring out Cole for one night only.  Oh dear.  For some reason he’s doing commentary tonight instead of Regal.  Blast it all.  Cole says this is where he got his start.

We go over the Redemption Points aspect which are there in the event of a tie.  O’Neil is miles ahead of everyone so there’s no point in even listing them off.  Tonight you can earn 3 points (Titus is up by 12) in Tag Team Turmoil.  It’s rookies and pros as teams here.  First though, let’s hear why you shouldn’t get eliminated tonight.  Conor sucks up to the crowd and says he’s not done sacrificing for the business yet.  Cannon says if you’re not a fan of his yet you’re deaf, dumb and blind.  He doesn’t need the fans and has an ace up his sleeve.  He looks at Maryse and says make that a queen.  Todd: “Is he looking at Striker?”

Young says he’s been at the top the entire time.  He shouldn’t be on NXT because he was in the main event of Summerslam.  It’s about time someone brought that up.  Young says he should be challenging Cena and that the entire NXT show is a joke.  Saxton says he doesn’t need to explain why he should be voted for.  He got rid of Tatsu last week and the real question is why wouldn’t you vote for him.  Titus says he is bigger, badder and better than anyone else in the competition.  Horny comes out and Young goes after him as Titus saves.  Tag team turmoil is next.

Tag Team Turmoil

If you’re unfamiliar, the idea is two tag teams start us off and they have a match.  The losers are eliminated and the winners advance to face another team.  Last team standing wins and there are five total teams.  We start with O’Neil/Horny vs. Cannon/Kidd and the rookies go first.  And yeah, this is rather boring indeed.  Horny can’t get in due to reasons of HE’S A FREAKING LEPRECHAUN and my signal cuts out.

Back and it’s Saxton and Tatsu in there now instead of O’Neil and Horny.  Apparently there was a commercial in there so at least I didn’t miss much.  Yoshi takes over on Kidd and it’s off to Saxton.  Cannon grabs a chinlock on him as Maryse is in Cannon and Kidd’s corner.  Yoshi wants in but Saxton wants to do this by himself.  Cannon and Kidd keep tagging in and out like an actual team while Saxton is being a big meanie.  I’d prefer a blue one but you take what you can get I guess.

Cannon channels his inner Flair to use the ropes for two.  This is another fine example of the really boring matches these guys have.  None of them are particularly good in the ring and none of them are interesting at all.  Saxton fights back against Kidd but takes FOREVER on the ropes and jumps into a big boot for the elimination.  Kozlov/O’Brian are in next.  Why do I have a bad feeling they’re going to win here?  There’s a break before this next part begins.

It would be nice if the commercials on this show were longer than 45 seconds.  You can’t do anything in that amount of time.  During the break Kozlov send Kidd flying to the floor with a fallaway slam.  And because he’s like a fungus, here’s JTG.  Seriously dude, go away.  No one likes you and your pets are being sacrificed to Satan.  Your friends hate you, your family hates you and you’re going to eternal torment.  Go away.  Did I mention I don’t like JTG.

The distraction shifts the momentum again as JTG is on commentary.  If it seems like I’m not watching the match, it’s because I’m trying to stay awake here.  JTG doesn’t care who wins this and it takes ten seconds to get through that joke.  Cannon stomps away on O’Brian as this has been going on nearly 15 minutes now.  JTG gets his rookie’s name wrong because he’s an annoying person.

Since we’re not bored enough, here’s a headlock by Cannon to O’Brian.  Hot tag to Kozlov and much destruction is seen.  Iron Curtain ends Cannon and we’re down to Chavo/Darren Young vs. Kozlov/O’Brian.  Here’s another break because we haven’t had to sit through enough yet.  Back with Kozlov beating on Young as the crowd is SILENT.  Off to O’Brian who hammers on Young a bit.

Off to an armbar as even the camera guys are bored with this match so they keep the camera on JTG.  Chavo comes in to take over and hammers away.  Young gets a shot off the top and a two count so let’s go BACK to the resthold.  They hit heads off a whip into the corner because they hadn’t reached a level of boring high enough yet.  Double tag brings in the pros and Chavo jumps into a headbutt to the chest.

A spinwheel kick puts Vlad on the floor where Young gets in a shot.  O’Brian apparently went off to get a hot pretzel because he’s not helping here.  Back in the ring now for even more slow paced stuff.  I can live with a long match like this if it’s interesting.  By that I mean if ANY part of it is interesting but this has been five straight boring NXT matches.

The heels tag in and out a lot as Vlad reverses a double suplex at the twenty five minute mark.  And remember, it’s for a total of three points.  O’Brian comes in but can’t get a pin.  Three Amigos take him down but the third is blocked.  Vlad is sent to the floor and O’Brian hits something like a Saito Suplex for the pin on Young at 26:00, which might be longer than Cody vs. MVP for longest match in NXT history.

Rating: D. Here’s a great example of where long doesn’t mean good.  This was painfully boring the entire time because in short, none of these ten guys are interesting for the most part.  They’re definitely not interesting enough for five straight tag team matches of about the same length.  Boring match the entire time and WAY too long.  But at least it’s the only match of the night.  Now someone kidnap JTG and feed him to something with sharp teeth.

Obama ad.  I can’t stand this anymore.

The Bellas, the chicks that made fat jokes at the expense of a pregnant woman last night, want you to stop bullying.  The irony of this campaign never ceases to amaze me.

Saxton is gone.  Well of course he is.  I mean, he can talk and has a decent look so he has no business being here over a guy as universally talented as Rat Boy right?  They make it way too easy to predict who’s going home on this show.

Overall Rating: D. Well I’ll give them this: they had wrestling.  The amusing thing is that on a 45 minute long show, there was more wrestling than on Impact, a two hour show.  I know I blast that a lot, but dude that’s embarrassing, especially when they preach that it’s about wrestling over on Thursdays.

Anyway, while it was boring, they at least did have something in the ring for over half of the show, so definite points for that.  This is something close to giving them credit for trying, as they had a show focused on wrestling and the rookie/pro relationship, but it was boring in execution.  I’ll take this over the stupid challenges any day though.

Results

Conor O’Brian/Vladimir Kozlov won tag team turmoil, last eliminating Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young

Byron Saxton was eliminated in 5^th place

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