Monday Night Raw
Date: June 20, 2011
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

It’s another three hour Raw coming off a rather weak PPV last night in the form of Capitol Punishment.  It’s Power to the People tonight which more or less means Viewer’s Choice, as the fans are going to pick the matches and the participants in them.  This was rather interesting last year so maybe we’ve got a winner on our hands.  Let’s get to it.

You’re going to get three options and you text in your selection of A, B or C.

Here’s Punk to open the show.  Last night he promised the most honest act in WWE history.  He sits down in the middle of the ring and says that he wouldn’t trust the people with the content of this show.  After all, they choose to live in Baltimore, Maryland.  Punk says they can’t pick what he’s going to do tonight.  He’s the best wrestler (his word) in the world and he’s beaten Cena and Mysterio within the last week.

Wins and losses still mean something and they mean he’s the #1 contender.  It’s not a debate or argument.  Based on what he’s done, it’s fact.  He wants the GM to send an E-Mail and make it official.  He’s not going anywhere until he’s named #1 contender to the WWE Championship of the World (spoken like Road Dogg used to say it).  The GM says he’ll take the demands under consideration but right now Punk needs to leave the ring.

Punk seems annoyed and there’s another E-Mail, with the GM saying it more emphatically this time.  Punk says no and makes snow angels minus the snow.  Another E-Mail says he was going to be named #1 contender later but since Punk disrespected him it’s Punk vs. Alberto for the spot later.  Punk says he’s used to people making bad decisions but Alberto has one big win which was last night.  Another E-Mail makes it a triple threat with Rey added in.  Punk is limping as he leaves.

First vote: Who does Brie Bella defend the title against?

Eve

Kelly Kelly

Beth Phoenix

Back with the results:

Eve: 11%

Kelly Kelly: 53%

Beth Phoenix: 36%

Divas Title: Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly

Cole mistakenly says Kelly is a former champion.  Brie runs early on and Nikki teases interference, allowing Brie to get in a shot and take over.  Off to the chinlock with Kelly in trouble.  Kelly starts her comeback but gets caught in a neckbreaker for two.  Kelly tries a victory roll out of the corner but Brie reverses ala Owen Hart.  That gets reversed as well though into another victory roll position and Kelly wins the title at 3:02.

Rating: C-. Well this was only about three years too late but she finally won it I guess.  She’s gotten a bit better in the ring but this isn’t much of note.  Not a horrible match but this was incredibly generic.  The Bellas were more or less done as champions though so there’s not many reasons to not make this switch.

Lawler does a quick interview post match and Kelly starts crying as she says power to the people.

Video on Bourne who can jump a lot.

Second Vote: Who does Evan Bourne face?

Jack Swagger

Mason Ryan

Sin Cara

Results say:

Jack Swagger: 19%

Mason Ryan: 51%

Sin Cara: 30%

Evan Bourne vs. Mason Ryan

Kind of surprised by that actually.  Ryan stalks him to start but Bourne can’t get a single thing going.  The fans chant something that sounds like Batista as he uses a lot of offense like Big Dave.  Bourne gets a dropkick in and Ryan shrugs it off.  A pair of backbreakers set up a fallaway slam and have Bourne barely able to fight back at all.

Ryan puts him on the apron where Evan is able to get some kicks in.  Jumping knee in the corner has Ryan in trouble…and never mind as he gets an easy gorilla press slam to take over again.  And then Ryan screws up by putting Bourne on the top rope in Shooting Star position.  That misses and Bourne gets an ugly small package for two.  Bourne goes up again but jumps into a Side Effect for the pin at 4:06.

Rating: C. Not bad here in what might have been Ryan’s longest singles match to date.  Bourne was kind of handicapped here but he was trying at least.  Ryan is getting better very slowly but it’s coming.  With his look and power it’s not like he has to do that much in the ring, and they’re playing to that.

Third vote: Pick Kane vs. Mark Henry’s stipulation.

Body Slam Challenge

Arm Wrestling

Over the Top Challenge

Raw Roulette is back next week.

Mark Henry vs. Kane

Pre match Henry says when people mess with him, they get punished, just like Big Show last night.  There are two differences between Show and Henry.  When Show walks the Earth, the Earth shakes.  When Henry walks the Earth, the people shake.  Isn’t that one difference?  Bigger isn’t better in this case.  The results are up next.

The people say:

Body Slam Challenge: 13%

Arm Wrestling: 52%

Over the Top Challenge: 35%

Uh….ok then.  If you’ve ever seen an arm wrestling match on a wrestling show, you know what’s going on here.  After a bunch of stalling we get going.  Henry drills Kane once he was in trouble for the DQ.  They brawl a bit and Henry hits him with the table.  Henry takes him to the floor and hits the World’s Strongest Slam through the table like he did to Big Show last night.

Truth is up next.

Here’s R-Truth to complain about how the conspiracy is still going strong.  He says that it wasn’t the computer that got him last night.  It was Little Jimmy.  And the Big Jimmy too.  He got got by Little Jimmy!  Cue Christian of all people who goes on his usual thing about how the people made him face Orton five days after winning the title.  The setbacks are due to the people, not him.

Last night though it was due to the bad refereeing.  We get a shot from last night with Christian having his foot under the ropes.  He actually does have a point in that one.  Christian demands that justice be served.  He only needs one more shot.  Truth asks how many chances he’s had.  That’s not the point though.  At least Christian has been champion.  Last night Truth got got by Little Jimmy!  Christian: “Who is Little Jimmy?”  Truth goes into his “the Little Jimmys want me to be a good R-Truth” thing but here’s Miz to interrupt again.

Miz says that he’s the only one that has a chance to complain because there was a partisan referee last night.  Christian makes fun of Miz because he was the only one not in a title match.  This turns into a bizarre three way yelling match of them shouting REALLY, RANDY, RILEY and ultimately JIMMY at each other back and forth.  This was hilarious in the weird way.  Teddy Long breaks it up and says that tonight it’s a six man main event with these three against Cena, Orton and Riley with the people picking the stipulations.

Fourth vote: Pick the stipulations for Kingston vs. Ziggler for the US Title.

2/3 falls

Vickie barred from ringside

Submission

The results say:

2/3 falls: 51%

Vickie barred from ringside: 31%

Submission: 18%

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

2/3 falls here then.  Kofi is rather aggressive to start us off, taking over with relative ease.  He kicks Dolph to the floor and then stays all aggressive on him with punches and chokes.  Kofi misses a dive though and it’s time for a break.  Back and it’s 1-0 Dolph who got the fall using the Zig Zag during the break.  Dolph uses chinlocks and an armbar to keep his advantage.  Nice dropkick by the champion.

Fameasser gets two.  Dolph keeps hammering away but Kofi gets the SOS out of nowhere to make it 1-1.  Neckbreaker takes over for Dolph again and it’s back to the chinlock.  Kofi hits a slingshot to send Dolph into the post ala Hennig and takes over with strikes.  Double stomp gets two.  Dolph grabs a rollup with tights for two.  Kofi goes up and hits something similar to Delirious’ Shadows Over Hell for two.

Dolph hits the floor and grabs the belt but it misses Kofi.  Trouble in Paradise hits but they’re on the floor.  Back in that gets two as Dolph puts his fingers on the rope.  They kind of messed it up as Dolph grabbed the rope a half second late but it was called anyway.  Dolph tries to run again and this time gets a shot with the microphone for the DQ at 12:35.

Rating: C+. The third fall was better but the first two were kind of weak.  The problem for these two is that they’ve fought so many times that it’s kind of getting old.  The matches are still pretty good but we can only see them go at it so many times.  They need something else to do.

Cole rants about the people having the power tonight due to Austin and we get a clip of that being decided last week.  The computer being destroyed was kind of funny.

Fifth Vote: Pick the stipulations for the triple threat.

No DQ

Falls Count Anywhere

Submission

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Alberto says that what happened to Show and Ricardo was destiny, not bad luck.  Him winning tonight is also destiny.  The results and the other entrances are next.

No DQ: 23%

Falls Count Anywhere: 66%

Submission: 11%

Rey grabs rollups on both guys to start us off.  Standard triple threat style here with one guy being down while the other two do their thing.  We head to the floor with Punk hitting a powerbomb for two on Alberto.  Seated senton off the apron gets two on Punk.  Back and Rey takes over on Punk getting some covers off a headscissors.  Alberto takes Rey down and it’s heel vs. heel for awhile.

GTS doesn’t work but Alberto gets his Codebreaker to the arm for two.  Rey comes back in and gets a rana on Alberto to set up the 619.  Punk is put in the same position but he catches Rey in the GTS.  Alberto breaks that up and Punk kicks him in the head for two.  Tower of Doom spot sees Alberto powerbomb Punk who suplexes Rey.  Covers get two on both guys.

Del Rio takes over but misses a charge, ramming his shoulder into the post.  Rey sets for a dive on him but Punk breaks it up.  A charging Punk eats feet and Rey hits something like a Swanton before immediately popping up and hitting a suicide dive to take Alberto out.  Rey gets a seated senton for two.  They go to the corner and Rey is knocked into the cross armbreaker.  Punk drops a leg on Alberto to break it up and get two.  Rey takes Alberto down and hits the springboard splash.  Punk pops back in and sends Rey into the post so he can steal the pin on Alberto at 11:35.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here with them doing a lot of the usual stuff that you would expect them to in a triple threat.  Not bad here and Punk winning is right, but I kind of fail to see the point in having Rey out there.  If Punk already beat him once, why would he be in this match?  Either way, not bad.

Punk talks about his honesty thing.  He’ll win the title on July 17 at Money in the Bank.  That day is also significant due to it being the day his contract expires.  He’s leaving after it and he’s taking the title with him.  That’s a new one.

Sixth vote: Pick the stipulation for Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan.

Paper Bag Match

No Count Out

Collegiate Rules Match

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

Paper Bag Match: 43%

No Count Out: 51%

Collegiate Rules Match: 6%

Not exactly the best set of options here.  Bryan kicks him to the floor almost immediately and gets a suplex onto the ramp.  It’s just no count out, not hardcore/falls count anywhere mind you.  Back in the ring a missile dropkick gets two.  Cody gets a sick looking Beautiful Disaster kick for two.  Bryan almost gets the LeBell Lock but gets caught in a slingshot instead.  Small package gets two but Bryan reverses into one of his own for the pin at 2:40.  Nothing of note here but it wasn’t bad.

LeBell Lock goes on Cody post match but DiBiase comes in for the double beatdown.  There’s an Alabama Slam to Bryan and Cross Rhodes followed by the bagging.

Seventh vote: Vickie Guerrero will have a dance contest with who?

Michael Cole

Jerry Lawler

Booker T

Before the results we recap the show so far.

Vickie says she’ll win, talking about how she used to have a bunch of dancing experience, including exotic with the stage name of peaches.  She even quotes Sable with the men who came to see me line.  Striker has to dance with her for some reason.  She kisses him and I think he liked it.  Or maybe hated it.  Leaning more towards hated it.

Here are the results of the poll.

Michael Cole: 47%

Jerry Lawler: 39%

Booker T: 14%

Well sure why not.  Cole has way too much fun doing this, even throwing in the Worm (kind of) and the Spinarooni (about as good as you would expect).  Oddly enough Cole gets a better reaction and wins the thing.  Vickie slaps the taste out of his mouth post match.

Eighth vote: The stipulations for the main event.

One Fall to A Finish

20 Minute Time Limit

Elimination Match

Gee I wonder which it’ll be.

Christian/R-Truth/The Miz vs. John Cena/Randy Orton/Alex Riley

One Fall to A Finish: 15%

20 Minute Time Limit: 6%

Elimination Match: 79%

The bell is after the break.  Miz vs. Cena start us off which goes nowhere for the most part.  Off to Orton and Christian as we keep our brand representation balanced.  They keep hammering on Orton’s head to play up the concussion aspect.  Truth throws on a chinlock and Randy can’t make a rope for a good while.  A suplex gets him out of it though but Christian blocks the tag.

Killswitch and RKO both are countered and a reverse DDT gets two.  Spear is caught in a powerslam and it’s hot tag to Riley.  Riley actually cleans some house on all three guys and escapes the Killswitch.  He almost gets the inverted DDT on Miz and Christian but gets caught in a double team.  Cena comes in and the distraction allows Miz to get the Skull Crushing Finale to go up 3-2 and we take a break.

Back with Orton being covered for two by Miz off a move we didn’t see.  Orton gets a shot in and it’s off to Cena.  Here’s the finishing sequence on Miz but the AA is blocked.  Neckbreaker gets two for Miz.  Running clothesline in the corner hits and Miz goes up.  He misses a double axe but jumps into the STF.  Truth makes the save though and everything breaks down for a bit.

Everyone gets a shot or two in on Cena until it’s off to Truth.  Sitout gordbuster gets two.  Cena gets a fisherman’s suplex to break the momentum and it seems like they mess something up as Cena lays there like a foot from Orton for about ten seconds but he never makes it.  Off to Miz who walks into the AA to make it 2-2.  Truth comes in and throws on a chinlock for a bit.

Off to Christian who misses a top rope splash/headbutt to put both guys down.  Double tags bring in Truth and Orton.  Powerslam to the nutjob and Orton goes all psycho.  Elevated DDT hits.  Christian breaks up the RKO and Truth misses an axe kick.  RKO gets us down to the Super Best Friends vs. Christian.  Orton walks into a spear and Christian pins him.  He walks into the AA but grabs the rope to escape.  The sore loser known as Randy Orton hits an RKO, allowing the STF to end Christian at 20:00.

Rating: C-. Not horrible here but just kind of there as a main event six man.  The twist to it helped a bit but at the same time it didn’t really mean much.  As always WWE more or less burns a week off after a PPV which is really annoying but it’s the way things work anymore.  Wasn’t impressed here and this was just ok at best.

Overall Rating: D. Did not like this at all for the most part.  The choices were ok for awhile and then they got into the standard pattern of two options that suck and one good one which is more or less a guaranteed pick.  Other than Punk vs. Cena being set up, there wasn’t much that actually happened tonight and for the second three hour Raw in a row, that’s not a good thing.  Really not a fan here and the whole thing fell pretty flat.

Results

Kelly Kelly b. Brie Bella – Victory Roll

Mason Ryan b. Evan Bourne – Sit Out Rock Bottom

Kane b. Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match via DQ when Henry punched Kane

Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Kingston won the third fall by DQ when Ziggler hit him with the microphone

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – Small Package

Randy Orton/John Cena/Alex Riley b. R-Truth/Christian/The Miz – STF to Christian

Capitol Punishment 2011
Date: June 19, 2011
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

Time for another B show PPV.  The main events are Orton vs. Christian III and Cena vs. Truth for the titles.  This has a bit of a better feel to it than Over the Limit, but I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough to carry them to a better result.  At least the main event is fresh and the other one has been well built.  Can’t ask for much more than that.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Truth and his alleged conspiracy complete with videos of various other scandals and conspiracies in Washington DC, such as Clinton and Nixon.

The set is pretty cool looking as it looks like the Capitol Building.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

The red white and blue ropes are a nice touch.  These two have had so many matches that it’s hard for them to not have a decent match.  Kofi goes into his usual controlled frenzy (coming soon to a t-shirt near you) but the kick misses.  Dolph takes over with his basic stuff.  Dropkick takes Kofi down as we make Vickie is fat jokes.  We hear about Dolph at Kent State because we haven’t heard about that in a few minutes.  Kofi gets a cradle for a quick two and that’s about it for this run on offense.

Off to an armbar by Dolph and there’s the sleeper but Kofi gets out of it rather quickly.  Kofi starts his series of strikes and takes over.  He hits a cross body to the back which is kind of weird but whatever.  Boom Drop hits and he loads up Trouble in Paradise which misses, but he does grab the SOS for two.  Both guys get rollups for two and the Zig Zag doesn’t work.  Kofi gets something like a double stomp for two.

Up to the corner they go with Dolph trying a superplex.  Kofi knocks him off and hits the huge cross body which always looks awesome but it only gets two here.  Another SOS is countered into the Sleeper which is countered again.  Trouble in Paradise and the Zig Zag miss but Vickie rakes the eyes of Kofi and there’s the Sleeper in the middle of the ring.  Dolph kicks off the ropes to get them back into the middle of the ring and somehow that’s all cool and Dolph is champion.  Well of course not as that would mean consistency in the rules.  Dolph Ziggler is a freaking Triple Crown Champion.

Rating: B-. The ending was a bit confusing as they took too long to announce the winner.  Also the ropes aspect was pretty stupid since Dolph touched them which is usually grounds for a break, but here it’s not because that goes against the planned finish.  Good match though as these two know each other so well so it was a big match of counters and avoiding finishers, which is always fun.

Truth arrives with the title and says that he’s going to a party and Josh is invited.  They walk around and Truth runs into Eve who says she doesn’t know him anymore.  He goes all psycho and dedicates the upcoming win to all the little Jimmys and Jennys.

Miz is tired of hearing about Riley.  He won the world title and he won in the main event of Wrestlemania while Riley was carrying the briefcase.  There’s a line between them and tonight he’s going to prove that.  Serious but good stuff here.

We recap Miz vs. Riley.  It’s the classic mentor/mentee feud with them being all cool until Miz lost the title, which made him blame Riley when things started going downhill.  Riley technically cost Miz the title twice and Riley snapped and massacred Miz a few times on Raw, setting up this match.

The Miz vs. Alex Riley

Miz has the case with him now and actually comes out first.  The balloons saying AWESOME are back which are a nice touch.  Riley is the hometown boy so he’s pretty well received.  Cole goes into full on Miz is AWESOME mode, cheering for everything he says and bashing Riley completely.  Miz talks trash and Riley hammers away.  Riley chases him for a bit but charges into a big boot to give Miz the advantage.

The beating begins and Riley is in trouble.  Miz keeps backing away from the punches Riley tries to throw and keeps the advantage.  Low DDT gets two.  Miz likes to throw boots.  Other than that quick opening Riley has gotten beaten pretty badly here.  Riley gets a shoulder into the corner but a second hits the post.  About the 10^th big boot of the match puts Riley down outside.

Miz more or less stalks him and lets Riley miss punch after punch.  One of them finally hits and here’s the comeback.  And scratch that as Miz grabs a chinlock and brings Riley right back down.  Corner clothesline by Miz as Riley is in big trouble.  Double axe off the top by Miz hits which is a pretty rare sight.  Riley goes into the Tree of Woe as King praises him for his ability to punch.

Booker keeps calling for the match to be stopped but Riley gets out of the way of a charging Miz to send Miz’s balls into the post ala Curt Hennig.  Riley hits a spear and takes over.  I’m so over that move it’s unreal.  Spinebuster gets two.  Miz sends him to the floor, only for Riley to get in another shot for two.

Out to the floor we go as Cole runs his mouth even more.  Riley finally has had enough of him and there goes Cole.  Miz gets all ticked off and gets the briefcase which of course doesn’t get him anymore.  Riley grabs an inverted DDT (Edgecution) and gets the clean pin on the Miz.  Never would have seen that one coming at all.

Rating: C+. Rather surprised here as Miz would have seemed to be the pick to win this one.  Either way you can’t say that they’re not trying to push someone else.  I can’t imagine this is the end of the feud and I hope it isn’t, as Miz and Riley have an actual feud between them which helps a lot.

Sgt. Slaughter is in the back with….oh let’s just get it over with.  It’s a bad Obama impersonator and he makes Obamacare jokes and Vickie comes up to him and sings Happy Father’s Day before the Secret Service guys take him away.  This was idiotic.  At least get a guy that looks like him.

We recap Big Show vs. Alberto.  It’s more or less the same video we’ve seen a dozen times now with Show being run over (yet somehow being fine three weeks later) and then going insane on everyone in sight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Show jumps Alberto during his entrance and the beating begins.  After a few seconds of that, here’s Mark Henry to jump Show, sending him onto the announce table and hitting the World’s Strongest Slam through it.  I don’t think the bell ever rang.  Henry comes back and works on the knee of Show for like a second, apparently reinjuring his knee.  The referee starts the count.  HOW IS THIS NOT A FREAKING DISQUALIFICATION???  Unbelievable.  They’re actually letting this go on because the bell never rang.

Show gets in at like 8 and we’re going to do this.  The bell rings once Show is already in the ring after an 8 as there had to be a rule broken in there somewhere.  Del Rio goes after the knee and gets Show down but his cover completely fails.  Show gets a wicked chokeslam to send Del Rio to the floor.  Show’s leg is done though so he can’t follow up.  Del Rio goes up top but jumps into another chokeslam attempt.

Del Rio gets a kick to the knee again though and tries the Cross Armbreaker.  You know, because he’s worked on the arm so much.  Can’t stand idiotic thought like that.  Show easily counters but takes another shot to the leg and Del Rio throws on a Cross Legbreaker to put Show in trouble.  Show gets out of the hold and fights up.  Actually he tries to but keeps falling down and they stop it.  What a freaking mess.

Rating: D-. What a freaking mess this was.  So somehow the referee is all cool with Henry destroying Show like that and just lets the match go on before stopping it due to Show not being able to stand up?  Just a huge mess the entire time and it came off like a total trainwreck.  This is the flaw in Show: you have to do stupid stuff like this to make him seem even remotely beatable and it gets a bit annoying.

Truth rants a bit more about name plates on the belt or something.

Wade Barrett does the always cool walking promo, talking about how he doesn’t like being in DC.  Insert Anthony Weiner joke here.  He makes fun of America and the national debt, saying all of us will be speaking Chinese in about twenty years.  Oh and we need a king of queen.  America is a hollow shell, just like Jackson.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

There’s the required USA chant from the idiot fans.  Jackson almost gets the Rack about a minute in but Barrett hits the floor to hide.  Barrett gets a big boot in the corner to take over for two.  Boss Man Slam gets two also.  Pumphandle slam works on the second attempt and Barrett keeps his dominance going.  A running big boot misses though and Jackson starts his comeback.

Another charge misses for Barrett but he blocks the slams.  Wasteland hits and it only gets two.  Barrett’s face is great as he is SHOCKED.  There’s the USA chant again to waste some intelligence.  Here come the slams and Jackson is all fired up.  Torture Rack goes on and we have a new champion.

Rating: C-. Not much here as Jackson did what he needed to but it was still pretty boring.  Not sure where he goes with it either but he needed to win a title to validate himself I guess.  Barrett has already proven himself so the title doesn’t mean much to him anymore.  Not bad but kind of dull overall.

Lawler goes to ask Jackson how it feels to win and he talks about declaring independence or something like that.

More stupid Obama stuff with Beth, Kelly and Santino meeting the bad impersonator.  Santino teaches him the Cobra and the Secret Service panics, taking down Santino.

Punk talks about how DC is corrupt and everyone lies.  He’s not a liar though and makes fun of the term sports entertainer.  Rey isn’t a hero and is just trying to get rich, like everyone else.  Punk is different because he tells you he’s using you.  After he beats Rey, he’s going to do the most honest thing the WWE Universe has ever seen.  Interesting.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Loud Punk chant by the smark crowd.  Basic back and forth stuff to start as Cole talks about how all of Punk’s tattoos have meaning.  He doesn’t say what those meanings are but they have meanings.  They trade strikes until Rey sends him to the floor and hits a baseball slide.  A seated senton off the ropes is countered into a hot shot into the barrier by Punk who takes over.

Surfboard goes on by Punk as I smile because Rey is screaming.  Rey tries to speed things up but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to set up that body scissors that Punk uses rather often.  Rey gets him into the 619 position, only to have his head taken off by a Punk clothesline.  Abdominal stretch goes on and Punk has to lean WAY down to get that hold on.  Drop toehold sends Punk’s nose into the buckle, only to get caught in the Tree of Woe.  Little masked freak deserves it.

Rey sends him to the floor and a big old Asai Moonsault takes Punk down.  Punk is shaking his hand like he lost some feeling in it for a bit.  Back in and Mysterio gets something resembling a top rope shoulder block for two.  Punk rotates through the spinning cross body for two.  They speed things up and it turns into a kick off.  Swinging kick to the head gets two for Rey.

Belly to back off the top gets two for Punk who is still shaking his arm and hand a bit.  Rey goes up but a splash eats knees which gets two for Punk.  CM calls for the GTS and fires off some knees but the GTS is countered into a hurricanrana.  A kick to the head gets two for Punk as the crowd is finally getting into this.  Another GTS is countered into the 619 but Punk grabs that into the GTS for the pin, his second on PPV since he beat Taker via submission and both have been over Rey.

Rating: B+. Good match here as these two definitely have chemistry together.  Punk’s speech pre-match is rather interesting as I’m curious as to what the most honest thing in the WWE is and given Punk, that could be a lot.  Maybe a feud with Cena?  As in a proper one minus Nexus?  One can only hope.

We recap Christian vs. Orton, which I’m sure you know the story to by now.  Christian won the title and had to defend it five days later against Orton who won it.  Christian slowly went nuts, claiming that it was unfair and then turned heel, bashing Randy with the title.  This is match #3 in their series.  Christian’s heel turn speech is still awesome because it made perfect sense and showed him as a totally insecure guy that wasn’t as confident as he made himself up to be which is the most common criticism of him: he’s overrated.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

Orton comes out first here which is kind of surprising.  We get big match intros and they actually check for weapons.  There’s an old school move for you.  First two matches in this series were great so hopefully they can keep that up here.  Orton takes over to start with a bunch of punches and his back arching Thesz Press.  They speed things up and Orton gets two off a shoulder block.

Orton keeps avoiding Christian’s stuff including swatting away a dropkick and casually moving away to let Christian crash to the floor on a dive.  Back in the ring and Orton hits nine punches in the corner.  Always something odd about him I guess.  Booker tries to play up the idea that Orton is shaky due to his recent concussion.  Christian puts Orton head first into the steps and his eyes are starting to mess up.

Christian takes over and works on the neck/head, getting a neckbreaker for two.  Spinebuster gets two.  Orton’s head is all messed up now but he manages to whip Christian into the corner to buy himself a few seconds.  Backdrop puts Christian down and Orton pounds away on the chest.  Christian keeps fighting back with shots to the head and heads to the floor.

That doesn’t last long as Orton pulls him back to the apron and then hits a superplex for two.  RKO and Killswitch are both broken up and Orton hits that powerbomb into a neckbreaker that he hasn’t used in years but is still an awesome looking move for two.  Killswitch doesn’t work again so they head to the corner where Orton blocks a good deal of stuff and hits the elevated DDT for two.

Orton goes into his zone but the RKO is countered into a reverse DDT for two.  I love how they keep playing up the history they have with all of these counters to signature moves because they’re so familiar with each other.  Spear misses and Orton tries another RKO but Christian reverses that for the third time and hits the spear for a close two.  Orton pops up with a dropkick to send Christian back into the corner but he walks into the pendulum kick but there’s the RKO out of nowhere and we’re done.  Totally abrupt ending.  Christian’s foot was under the ropes.

Rating: B. Good match but not as good as last month at Over the Limit.  The ending hurt it a bit but I really liked the storytelling they were doing here with the head injury and the counters that went with it.  Good stuff here and they have good chemistry together.  The foot under the ropes might lead to something else but I doubt it.

Christian protests post match but gets decked with the belt anyway.

It’s 10:02 and there’s one match left.  They almost have to throw something out there to fill in time.  They stay in the ring for a LONG time, probably trying to kill off some time.  We see the replay about three times and the foot is clearly under the ropes which Booker and Jerry say is too close to call.

Ad for Money in the Bank which is set up like a fairy tale read by Big Show to Horny who says again after it’s over.  A bit more creative I guess.  The theme song is Shane’s old theme.

Here are the Bellas with some guy named Keith Stone who apparently is a mild celebrity due to something about beer.  They don’t talk or do anything so that’s it.

Recap of Cena vs. Truth.  Truth says that the fans are lied to by Cena and that there’s a big conspiracy going on against Truth.  Everyone else says Truth is nuts, which might be true.  This seems to be the same video from the opening video.

Ah ok there’s a bonus match.  This will help a lot.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

The fans want Ryder again.  Let it go already people.  Basic power vs. speed here with no one caring but it’s hard to complain about free wrestling.  Bourne does his speed moves to fly around everywhere and confuse Swagger but Jack catches him and works on the ribs.  We hit the reverse chinlock as the Bellas are in the front row with the beer dude.

Swagger does the pushup on the chest of Bourne which apparently ticks the small man off.  A back body drop of all things gets two for Jack.  Vader Bomb gets two.  Bourne starts his comeback with his usual kicks and basic offense.  He loads up the Shooting Star but has to jump off due to Swagger being up.  Big boot gets two.

Spinning DDT gets two and Bourne busts out the kicks.  Pretty awesome finishing sequence as Bourne sets for the Shooting Star but lands on his feet.  Swagger gets a sweet running charge into the gutwrench powerbomb which is countered into a sunset flip into the ankle lock which Bourne rolls through for the pin.

Rating: B-. I liked this quite a bit actually but I’m a fan of power vs. speed.  This was just a bonus match and it ate up about ten minutes, making the main event far more realistic with about twenty minutes instead of closer to thirty or thirty five.  That finishing sequence was rather good and the whole thing worked rather well, especially when it’s just a bonus.  Can’t complain about free wrestling, especially when it’s pretty good.

And now let’s end this interesting stuff as we have Obama impersonator come out for Vince’s amusement.  The SNL guy looks more like Obama than this one does.  He has the speech pattern down but he doesn’t sound anything like Obama.  He isn’t the GM because there would be more JR.  “I love that fat bastard.”    He wishes Cena luck and the booing is unreal.

He tries to leave but Booker calls him into the ring, calling him a homey.  The guy gets in the ring and just get the Spinarooni out of the way already.  Yep there it is.  It isn’t funny, no one cares, and this wastes more time.

We recap Cena vs. Truth again in case you forgot about it.  This video is different at least.

Raw World Title: R-Truth vs. John Cena

Truth has the belt but Cena is champion.  As scary as it is, I could see Truth getting the title here.  Big match intros set up a mixed reaction for Cena as always.  Feeling out process to start but Truth gets in a shot to take over.  Cena sends him to the floor and we stall a bit.  AA doesn’t work and Truth hits a sitout gordbuster to get two.  The dueling chants keep going as Truth gets a kick in for two.

Truth does a You Can’t See Me knockoff which ended in a legdrop for two.  Spinning forearm gets two.  Cena pulls himself up using Truth’s body.  Truth says Cena can’t see him.  This is kind of a slow paced match as Truth’s offense isn’t all that great.  Big hip toss gets two.  Lawler thinks Cena hasn’t taken Truth seriously enough.  Cena gets up but can’t get the STF, only to get kicked down again by Truth.

Suplex gets two.  This is a pretty dull match actually.  Cena starts his comeback with the shoulder blocks.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits but Truth escapes the AA and hits the suplex into the Stunner “which we’ve NEVER seen before!”  Truth talks to himself a lot but misses a charge in the corner and there’s the STF.  Truth grabs the rope rather quickly though and the axe kick hits out of nowhere for two.  Cena was out fast.

Truth goes up for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA attempt.  Truth counters that into the jumping Downward Spiral for two.  Cena hits the floor which would seem to set up something fishy.  Truth goes out to the other side and is looking all crazy.  He steals a hat from a Cena fan and gets a drink of water.  The fan throws the water in Truth’s face!  The distraction is enough for Cena to pull him in and hit the AA to retain!

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here overall and I wasn’t into it for the most part.  It’s not horrible but it’s just not interesting.  The water going into his face is kind of a nice touch given that Truth did that to a kid on Raw a few weeks ago but at the same time it really wasn’t anything interesting.  Total B show PPV match here and I can’t imagine it’ll go any further, not after Cena beat him clean.

Cena brings the kid into the ring post match and celebrates with the National Guard to end the show.

Rating: C-. This was a pretty weak show overall.  It’s not bad to be sure but overall it feels kind of like it just came and went.  I know I say this a lot but this is a show that would be perfect for the In Your House model.  It’s a B show PPV and that might be being generous.  Cena vs. Truth is a match that’s had a few weeks of build and for the most part, I can’t imagine it continuing after this.  This didn’t feel like an important show at all and while it was ok, it was nothing I’ll ever want to watch again.  That happens far too often in WWE anymore and it’s not good.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Sleeper

Alex Riley b. The Miz – Inverted DDT

Albert Del Rio b. Big Show – Referee Stoppage

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett – Torture Rack

CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – GTS

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger – Victory Roll

John Cena b. R-Truth – Attitude Adjustment

November to Remember 1998
Date: November 1, 1998
Location: Lakefront Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 5,800
Commentator: Joey Styles

So we’re another three months later and not a ton has changed. Shane is FINALLY coming back to the ring since you know, that whole three months of not being able to wrestle wasn’t justification to take the belt off of him AT ALL. At this point he’s held the title for just shy of a year and will hold it until January where the yearlong story with Taz will be blown off.

The main event is Sabu/Van Dam/Taz vs. the Triple Threat. Jake Roberts and Tommy Rich are here and we’re near the Gulf of Mexico. Oh dear. This sounds like HEROES OF WRESTLING all over again. Let’s get this over with, and I’m appointing X to be near me with a bottle of whiskey and a gun.

We open to New Jack jumping Jack Victory in the parking lot in black and white for no apparent reason. Metaphor for something maybe? Jack gets cuffed and taken away by conveniently present policemen. I really don’t like New Jack in case you didn’t know. I didn’t mention this but this show is more or less their Wrestlemania, so keep that in mind as I’ll be grading it as their mega show.

Joey, who looks different for some reason, runs down the card as per usual. Just to be clear: the main event of the biggest show of the year is a six man tag match with no title on the line. Just keep that in mind. And here’s Terry Funk for no apparent reason, wearing a mortarboard (hat you wear when you graduate). I love Funk’s voice. It’s just so freaking insane sounding that it’s awesome.

He’s mad that he wasn’t invited and FUNK YOU Paul E and the fans. He’s also mad about Dreamer picking someone else as his partner tonight. He says Dreamer’s father was a crackhead and his mother wasn’t a nice person. Well that’s better than smelling of elderberries and being a hamster I guess.

Dreamer comes out as Funk says he’s been practicing his double flip off the top rope and he doesn’t get to do it. This was uh, different. Yeah that’s right. It was different. Not bad or anything, just odd.

Theme song, with a graphic thanking the fans. Nothing wrong with that.

Blue World Order vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The BWO here are Nova and Meanie, as Richards realized he had that thing that people like called mainstream appeal so he’s in WWF at this point. Roadkill is an Amish guy, called the Angry Amish Chicken Plucker. This could be a really long night. They’re a new team here but they would eventually become kind of a big deal by ECW standards. Doring is about as bland as you could dream of a guy with his name being.

Nova has some unique offense from what I remember so this should be ok. And here’s Funk again with his own cameraman. There’s also a camera following Funk and his cameraman. Styles asks a great question: why are we focusing on Terry Funk when there’s wrestling going on. Funk takes over as timekeeper. Again, I get that he’s a far bigger star, but if you’re going to have these four guys out there, don’t take the focus off of them for Funk.

Yes he’s by far the bigger star and more important than all four combined, but show the guys some respect if you could. We get a lot of heel miscommunication to keep the faces in control as this is becoming a glorified squash. Ok the People’s Legdrop is kind of a cute idea but I’m still not huge on theatrical moves. Not a big deal at all though. And here’s Funk again to interfere and then put himself through a table.

Doring is setting for something but stops to do a strut called the Dastardly Shuffle. I like the name if nothing else. Ok seriously, have the match, or follow Funk. This is annoying. Joey makes me chuckle asking if Roadkill took a horse and buggy to New Orleans from Pennsylvania. That’s rather amusing. He does a Taker rope walk but misses the elbow drop he was trying.

Doring has a lot of long and drawn out names for his moves which is clever for some stupid reason that I don’t get but whatever. He and Nova are working the majority of the match which is intelligent. And now we have one of my biggest annoyances of ECW: claiming Monday Night shows steal all their moves. This is brought up by Nova doing a move called the Sledge-o-Matic. It’s a diving powerbomb where he goes to the side on the landing.

In other words, it’s the same move but with a slight twist that makes zero difference. It’s wrestling guys. People use the same moves quite often. You don’t see a right hand being called a Strangler Lewis Special do you? Now yes, ECW got ripped off more than any other company I can think of, but at times they got ridiculous complaining about it.

I mean really, can you imagine someone complaining about every tiny little thing that goes on at a wrestling show which no one else would have the sheer stupidity to notice since no one else would be such a bored and pathetic human being to think this in depth about such a thing? Can you imagine how pitiful that person really is? DANG they would drive me crazy. What’s the point of picking something apart and blowing the tiniest thing completely out or proportion?

Anyway, this match needs to end as the right lace of Nova’s left boot has a single thread sticking out and it’s driving me crazy. Nova hits a modified tornado DDT that is completely different than the one that Chavo Guerrero had been using around this time, because it was MODIFIED. The BWO wins it with a double team move where Meanie did a wheelbarrow lift into a DDT from Nova called the Blue Light Special.

And here’s Funk again to steal the spotlight, which yes I know that’s fine and the point. I have no problem with it here, but did we need to have him do the stuff during the match? Not that I can see of. Heyman comes out to calm him down. So in other words the ten minute match was all just to set up the Funk angle. Got it. Not that bad of an idea I guess as at least there was a full length match, unlike in WWE where it would have been lucky to go 100 seconds before Funk ran in, so points for that definitely.

Rating: D. It was a long squash and Funk stole the focus at a very annoying rate. I don’t get that but we’re just twenty three minutes into the show so maybe we’ll find out later. This wasn’t a very good match but it got the crowd going, which isn’t really something ECW needs as I always thought they had Red Bull IVs going into them but I get the idea.

We recap the tag title match with is Balls Mahoney and Masato Tanaka vs. the Dudleys. Mahoney and Tanaka had a match where they more or less had a chair duel that went to a draw. They had another and the Dudleys ran in for no apparent reason. Somehow this got Tanaka and Mahoney a tag title shot but the Dudleys beat them up beforehand so they got the shot and won the belts. Ok then.

And that match isn’t for about 40 more minutes. Why am I trying to make sense of this?

Tracy Smothers vs. Tommy Rogers

O……..k. Rodgers is one half of the Fantastics from the 80s but since he was an agent for ECW that makes sense. The FBI, the Full blooded Italians, have a German wrestler named Ulf Herman with them now. Rogers has Chris Chetti. Not actually explained but I guess it was a known thing at the time. This was a comedy stable that was very popular although I never could get into them.

Oh ok Chetti is there to watch his back against the FBI. That makes sense. I guess Chetti just sits in the back in his gear as a backup for hire? Rich complains about the town for cheap and easy heel heat. Rogers gets on the mic and points out the joke of the FBI. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Amusingly enough they make fun of the Saints and earlier today they made the Super Bowl so that’s kind of funny. The fans want their pizza.

This is a fast paced match to start off which is fine but less than two minutes in and we’ve had four interferences already. And we have the camera on Herman and Chetti who fight to the back. Oh look, MORE INTERFERING. I get that it’s a heel stable, but dude can we have ONE match with no interference? Is that too much to ask?

Guido has done three different run ins inside of two minutes. This is the straight wrestling match tonight right? Rogers looks in ok shape actually. There’s a logo in the middle of the ring now for the show which is a nice little touch. After MORE heel miscommunication, Rogers hits the Tomikaze (Unprettier/Killswitch which he used first) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This match exemplifies two of the major problems I’ve always had with ECW. Number one, while decent, what possible reason could you could up with for two guys in their late 30s of this caliber to wrestle on the biggest show of the year? I can overlook that though as the wrestling was actually rather good here so that’s excused.

However, that’s the problem here: the wrestling was rather good, but there were literally 6 different interferences in this match. Why can’t we just have a good wrestling match? Is that a sin or something?

The FBI argue/fight but instead they jump Rogers instead. Chetti comes out for the save with a nice springboard double clothesline. He hits a moonsault onto Rich and Mabel is here with Herman. Are you kidding? Is this supposed to be a major talent acquisition or something? Herman hits what would eventually evolve into the Musclebuster.

And here’s Spike Dudley to beat up Herman who is about Hall’s size and then Mabel. This makes perfect sense too. Spike gets the Acid Drop on both guys and sits on them…and the referee makes the count and calls for the bell. Yeah sure why not. Mabel would be Viscera in less than three months. The fans bought this is nothing else so I guess it had something resembling a point, and Spike was a giant killer anyway. It was quick too so that’s not so bad.

Rotten, Mahoney and Tanaka say they’re ready for the Dudleys. Rotten wasn’t terrible on the mic actually. He’s doing nothing but screaming, but he’s articulate and makes his point so I can’t complain much. Match isn’t up next though so there we go.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

Storm has the newly appearing Tammy Lynn Bytch with him. She’s more commonly known as Dawn Marie. Sunny (Tammy Lynn Sytch but since the names would just get complicated we’ll go with Sunny and Dawn here) and Mikey Whipwreck are the guest referees. Why Mikey? Why two referees?

I’m assuming we won’t be told, but remember kids: even though ECW was marketing to the masses now and had no national television outlet, it wasn’t their fault that you didn’t get storylines that you had to live in New England to know about. Just ask any ECW mark and they’ll tell you that. I always had a big thing for Marie. Storm is freshly heel here. Everyone gets their own entrance of course, and once again let us remind you: Mikey has pinned Steve Austin.

Can’t blame them there as that is a big deal kind of. Oh wait this is 98. That’s freaking huge. We get a big recap of it with Heyman narrating and he points out that we get a great back shot in it. Heyman was different if nothing else. In a big brawl at the ECW Arena Mikey ran in to help one of the girls. That’s an explanation so I’ll give it credit for that. These recaps have been a God send as I would have no clue otherwise. Barely Legal really needed those.

And yep Sunny looks great. She knew how to carry herself better than any other woman in wrestling history, including Elizabeth. She puts her shoes on in the ring which is of course both a big production and sexy somehow. This should be good as I’ve always been a fan of Storm’s in ring stuff. One time Sunny needs to just flash the freaking crowd to end the chants.

Thankfully Mikey goes to the floor so we only have one referee in there. Still a bit overbooked but there’s a point and backstory to it at least so that’s an improvement. They are freaking MOVING out there. This is by far the hottest the crowd has been all night long. Ok so maybe the overbooking works here. Tammy really wants to get to count the pin on Storm mind you. Storm is born to be a heel really. He’s awesome at it.

We hit the floor and Lynn just goes off. I love with Storm does a springboard move. It just looks so smooth. Storm goes for another one over the top rope but hits his head/neck on the rope on the way to the floor. He’s fine but that could have been bad. Storm hits a Skull Crushing Finale which is a move I’ve always liked. Has there ever been a more painful looking move than a surfboard? I certainly can’t think of one.

Sunny’s facial expressions are awesome. I kind of like the dynamic they’re going with here as they’re not even trying to hide the biased officiating here. Here’s Dawn interfering and yep she’s getting stripped. Mikey runs in and hits the Whippersnapper on both girls. Oh never mind they blocked it on Sunny. Lynn gets one as well and that only gets a VERY long two.

Sunny messes up the one she gets but then after a small package from Lynn on Storm, Mikey reverses it so Storm has the cover and fast counts it. It was something about Storm low blowed him but Mikey couldn’t tell. The problem was that no one got that, which messed it up. The crowd went silent on that one.

Rating: B-. Seriously, Jerry Lynn and Lance Storm? I mean really Paul, do you not think that these two can have a good match without some big thing going on? I get that the interferences made sense, but dude, look at the two guys in there and tell me with a straight face that they need the help to have an entertaining match.

Funk apologizes and says he’s done with wrestling and he won’t be this much of a jerk again. Oh and this is for good. We’re at an hour, seventeen minutes and twenty-seven seconds into the video. Keep that in mind.

We recap the tag title match and then we recap Justin vs. Tommy in the dream mystery partner death match. They keep calling Justin the fastest rising star and hottest star in wrestling. They back this up by showing him breaking the leg of a Japanese star and injuring Mikey Whipwreck, caning Sandman a lot, and caning Sandman a lot.

So let me make sure I got this right. He broke the leg of a guy most people don’t know of, he injured the leg of a guy with a LONG history of knee problems, caned a guy that made a living in cane matches, and did exactly the same thing that Sandman did far more famously years ago. I have NEVER gotten the hype about Justin.

He couldn’t wrestle more than anything average, he had a gimmicky name and he didn’t look special at all. Yet Paul refused to put RVD on top over him. That makes no sense but it’s Heyman so at times it’s a wonder you can understand what he says let alone what he’s thinking.

ECW Tag Titles: Masato Tanaka/Balls Mahoney vs. Dudley Boys

We got the explanation already….45 minutes ago, but we did indeed get it. Hopefully Joel gets to talk for awhile here as he always makes me at least chuckle. We get Bubba instead, which works fine for me. Joel makes a Mark McGwire reference, which is a lot less awe inspiring now. Screw it. He saved baseball so I don’t care. He has more game than Parker Brothers too. That’s a good line.

The intro is subdued here as I guess taking ten minutes was too much. I’m guessing Rotten is hurt here or something as he’s out with them. It’s another odd tag team here with Tanaka and Mahoney. Yeah they say he has liver and kidney problem. That’s what I was thinking. I love how so many Japanese wrestlers are just from Japan. No town is ever given. It’s just Japan.

Apparently the Louisiana Athletic Commission says no chairs, but they’re going to do it anyway because the big two wishes they could do things like ECW does. I get the idea, but that’s just laughable at this time period. Rotten apparently overrides the athletic commission and chairs are legal. Even though this is a deathmatch, they’re tagging in and out. Somehow this is the most contained match of the night.

I hate nerve holds. It’s more or less a neck massage. If you insist on resting less than five minutes into the match, use a chinlock or something that looks good. Sign from Sign Guy: D-Von Stained Monica’s Dress. D-Von does a People’s Elbow but ends with a headbutt. Keep in mind that earlier on they criticized the Monday shows for stealing moves. I guess a comedy move works here.

We hit the floor and Bubba dives over the top rope to take out the other three. Yep we’re at the messy portion of tonight’s show, but this one is a deathmatch so that’s more understandable. Bubba takes four roaring elbows before going down. The managers and other guys get into it but only with each other so there’s a chance that there won’t be any interference here.

I’ll give them credit: they went an hour and forty minutes with no weapons. That sounds condescending but in reality that’s a very good thing. Over half of the show wasn’t ridiculously violent. Now it was ridiculously overbooked, but the wrestling still happened. The faces take four chair shots to the head each and then Tanaka kicks out of 3D.

AND THE DUDLEYS EXPLODE!!! Why is it that chair shots don’t put people down here? I mean it’s a freaking STEEL CHAIR. There’s strong style and there’s freaking stupidity. In a VERY funny spot, the referee goes down and we have the Dudleys’ evil referee to come in. He fakes the shoulder injury thing, and Tanaka yells at him in Japanese. Jones, the referee, pulls out a Japanese to English dictionary and I lose it. It might be that it’s 3am, but that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in ECW for some reason.

And now it’s table time. To continue the theme of the night, Van Dam and Sabu run in and put the champions through tables in a cool looking spot. Naturally this is enough for the titles. In other words, a splash/leg drop onto a table, meaning there was less time for RVD or Sabu to get momentum going, was enough to get the pin, but BLASTING THEM IN THE HEAD WITH A METAL CHAIR WASN’T!

Rating: D-. This was crap, plain and simple. It only passes for the dictionary spot which legitimately cracked me up. Seriously, nerve holds, no selling of chair shots, RVD and Sabu running in and all that was just too much for me. They held the belts five days anyway.

The Triple Threat says they’ll win because they’re a team.

We hear about the Triple Threat vs. the three faces tonight.

Ad for the ECW CD.

Justin Credible/Jack Victory vs. Tommy Dreamer/???

This was explained earlier so I’m not redoing it. And the mystery partner is Jake Roberts. Is this supposed to be a bigger deal than Mabel was earlier? Jake is in street clothes here. This is also a deathmatch apparently. Jake is way taller than the rest of the people in the match. He’s also in street clothes for no apparent reason. Justin beats up Tommy for awhile, including a DDT where he doesn’t actually go down with him. Yeah that was weird.

He follows that up like he does any move he does: taunting the crowd. There’s Jason coming in to make us 5/5 for interfering in matches. Yes it’s a manager so it’s a bit of a stretch but still. They go for the Raven drop toehold thing but they get it backwards somehow so Dreamer goes chest first into the back of the chair. That was just odd looking.

Dreamer finally breaks up the momentum with Emerald Frosion, a Misawa move that he had been using for years and I’m sure will now be used on Monday nights also as it’s the Dreamer Driver here. I love double standards. Jake and Dreamer set for double DDTs, but Rod Price and One Man Gang are here to give us a REAL run in. Without knowing what they’re doing here, they would be people seven and eight of Justin’s entourage (Justin, Victory, Nicole Bass, Lance Wright, Chastity, Jason). You think that’s enough???

And here are New Jack and Kronus to beat everyone up with weapons. Yeah this isn’t taking the spotlight off the big celebrity mystery partner or the big feud here at all. You know the song wouldn’t be so annoying if New Jack was actually worth a stupid thing.

Hey they stopped the song when it stopped being about New Jack. There is hope I tell you! Bass runs in and gets a low blow and Jake’s DDT for her troubles to a huge pop. It amazes me that Jake has made a second career out of showing up and hitting a single DDT and nothing else. He gets another on Justin for the pin.

Rating: D+. For once here and I have no idea why, they run ins made sense to me. Well scratch that. I can understand everything with the run ins other than Gang and Price. Now after that New Jack and Kronus make sense as they’re balancing things out. I guess the run ins made sense here, but I’ll say the same things I’ve said all night: what’s the point to it as it’s just overbooking, and second, this is the 5th match and the fifth with a run in.

When you do it that many times, it’s total overkill. Wait…Victory was NEVER IN THE MATCH. Literally, he didn’t get tagged in and Jason kept running in instead. That’s ECW for you I guess. Final thing: how can Credible be considered the hottest thing in wrestling if he never, you know, wins?

And of course Funk is here to beat the heck out of Dreamer while screaming at him to say he’s sorry and that he’s a jerk. Dreamer won’t fight back, which is a touch that I like. This would go on forever but Funk “retired” long enough to go back to WCW to watch it freaking die.

The face team talks. Read as Van Dam talks.

And now Taz breathes heavily and talks about Shane. You know, the guy he’s been talking about for the last 7 months but you know, at the biggest show of the year, we can’t have the epic title change as Shane has to hold the title for another two months to validate his useless existence. Seriously, I do not get this.

This is the big return for Shane. His injuries weren’t enough to take the title off of him, so in other words he’s going to keep the title an extra five months due to injuries and apparently some unspecified reason here.

Triple Threat vs. Sabu/Rob Van Dam/Taz

Triple Threat is Shane, Bigelow and Candido. Sabu has a neck brace on for no apparent reason. I would guess it’s due to him being Sabu. Of course there’s no actual semblance of that pesky tagging or wrestling thing. Yep it’s more brawling. I just saw the dumbest spot I’ve ever seen. Sabu sets the chair up for the triple jump over the ropes. Ok that’s fine. Shane and Bigelow look up as he’s getting to the top rope.

Now at this point, I could actually buy that they simply don’t have time to move. However, he botches the move so THEY STAY THERE WHILE HE RESETS AND DIVES ON THEM. And when I say resets, I mean he staggers on the rope, gets down and jumps again. Yeah, the heels have no issue with just standing there and letting themselves get jumped on. Do you see why this place makes my head hurt? HOLY CRAP they’re tagging!

This is just a huge mess as there’s no point to this match as nothing other than a big pin from Taz on Shane is going to happen, setting up their match probably three months from now. HERE WE GO! Taz vs. Douglas! The showdown that’s been six months….oh of course they mess it up. Instead of seeing them go one on one, we go to a shot of Van Dam balancing himself on a corner before jumping down and then throwing himself at Bigelow.

This place stuns me at times. Oh ok we’re back now. And Van Dam keeps doing flips which we keep cutting to. TAZMISSION!!!!! And Sabu hits an Arabian Facebuster from the top with a chair onto Taz then covers Shane to get the pin.

Rating: F. So let me make sure I have this straight. We’ve spent seven or eight months building to one match: Shane vs. Taz with Taz ending the epic reign of Douglas and taking the belt in a huge moment. Ok, that’s fine. That’s wrestling booking 102 or 103. I’m cool with that. So then Shane gets hurt and has to take off at least three months.

Now here you have a major dilemma and the problem with long and drawn out angles like this: (To be fair though, for a company that has 4 PPVs a year, I can completely understand wanting to wait and draw it out) what if someone gets hurt? Things can change in the interim and that’s what’s happened here. Shane was hurt so the feud was dragged out even longer. Now we get to the dumb part.

Last PPV, held on August 2nd (remember this is on November 1st) Shane announced he would return to the ring at this show. Read as: they had three months of TV to set up whatever match they wanted. And so we just set up Taz vs. Sabu? Why? This makes zero sense, but hey, it’s ECW, so it’s awesome right?

Overall Rating: F+. Did they actually think before they put this show on the air? Again as I’ve said before, it’s like they forgot they had a PPV and just threw it together in two days. This was their Wrestlemania and it’s not like they didn’t know that as Joey says that this is their showcase event to open the show. Nothing of interest happened here.

Mahoney and Tanaka lost the belts less than a week later so the title reign is up there with Volkoff and Sheik taking the belts at Wrestlemania I. This show was just a failure all around, but for some reason there was some little thing I liked about it and for the life of me I can’t put my finger on it, hence the F+. Stay away clearly.

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2011
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

Final show before Capitol Punishment and the main question here is can Orton actually wrestle on Sunday.  He has a legit concussion and is more or less a game time decision for the PPV.  Other than that it’ll all be the final push towards the PPV, hopefully giving us some more matches as the midcard could use some filling out.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Christian, talking about his whole title story and ultimately losing the title and his heel turn.  That was a great speech last week as the whole thing worked completely.

Into the arena now and here’s the champ.  After a very long intro, he says he does have a concussion but he doesn’t care.  He’s ready to fight tonight.  And here’s Teddy to say no and that Randy has the night off.  Christian comes out and says he gave Orton the one thing Randy needed: an excuse.  Orton can use that to explain why he loses the title on Sunday, instead of just admitting that Christian is better.

Christian does a quick pole of the audience, which says they want to see Orton win.  Christian goes to leave but here’s Sheamus, saying that he beat Orton last week and deserves the shot.  Christian says Strawberry Shortcake needs to wait his turn.  Christian vs. Sheamus tonight and if the pale one wins, it’s a triple threat on Sunday.

Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase/Wade Barrett

Rematch from Monday here.  DiBiase/Jackston to start us off.  The camera seems to be a bit lower than usual.  DiBiase apparently has set up a Facebook question, asking if Rhodes should help him remake his image.  DiBiase runs from Cara and we take a break.  Back with DiBiase taking over and Cara before bringing in Rhodes.  Cara speeds things up as well as he can but the power of Dusty’s kid takes that down.

Off to Barrett who doesn’t do much before it’s off to DiBiase.  Following clothesline gets two.  Barrett back in now for a bow and arrow to Cara.  Cara tries some kicks but almost gets caught in a pumphandle slam.  Barrett keeps hammering away though and there’s the pumphandle.  Scratch that as it gets countered a second time, this time into a spinning DDT.  Hot tag to Bryan who takes over on DiBiase.  The ending comes out of nowhere and appeared to be botched.  Bryan hit a running dropkick in the corner and DiBiase got his shoulder up but the pin was called at 9:36.  Everyone looked confused.

Rating: C. Eh this was fine.  Just a longer version of what they had on Monday.  No idea why there was almost nothing from Jackson though.  Either way, not bad but just a six man tag.  The ending was kind of weird as Bryan looked at the referee as if to argue but then was told three so he celebrated.  Weird.

Sheamus says he’ll win tonight and on Sunday.

Back and they actually show that the referee messed up.  Interesting.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jinder Mahal

I love when the brand split is tossed out the window.  Mahal’s legs seem to get longer every week.  Mahal dominates for the most part, hitting a jumping knee and a Russian legsweep for two.  Kozlov gets in some shots and the headbutts, but a charge misses and Koz’s shoulder goes into the post.  Khali adds in a shot and the full nelson slam ends this at 2:49.  More or less just a squash.

Here’s Big Show who is a Raw guy isn’t he?  Josh asks him why he’s a Raw guy on Smackdown.  Show says he heard a rumor that Alberto is going to be here.  Show looks annoyed/preoccupied here.  We get a clip of the video about Show and Alberto with the car and all that jazz.  After seeing it, Show says he feels fine but then walks around a bit kind of shaking his head.  He talks about being hit by the car for a second or two and then walks around even madder.

Before he can say anything else, here’s Teddy to say that Show can’t touch Alberto if Alberto shows up.  Apparently Show is possibly facing civil and criminal charges for Show attacking Ricardo on Monday.  If that happens again tonight, Teddy loses his job (pop for that).  Show has a match tonight though, against Mark Henry.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show jumps him before the bell and massacres him, knocking him out cold in maybe 20 seconds.  Not an actual match.  Henry goes out on a stretcher.

Christian says he shouldn’t have to fight tonight and shouldn’t have lost the title in the first place.

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox vs. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia to start but it’s off to Natalya and Tamina quickly.  Down goes Tamina and we get the Mr. Perfect/Bret Sharpshooter counter from Summerslam 91.  Everything breaks down quickly and a Samoan Drop from Tamina ends AJ.

Johnny Curtis putts a golf ball and pulls an ace of spades out of the hole.  Yes, it’s an ace in the hole.

Another Capitol Punishment press conference, the same one from last week.

Usos vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

Jimmy vs. Slater to start us off.  The former champions take over rather quickly with basic double teaming.  I’m assuming Slater/Gabriel are heels still but I’m not 100% sure.  Apparently they’re both extremists though.  Interesting to know I suppose.  Slater gets caught in a powerslam coming off the top and it’s enough to bring in Jey and Gabriel.  Spinning forearm gets no cover.  Apparently Jey has a tattoo on his chest which is how you tell them apart.  A double Samoan Drop gets two.  That looked awesome too.  Everything breaks down and Jey hits a top rope splash onto Gabriel for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C+. Some good stuff from the Usos here and we got a good match out of it.  Maybe they’re the new flavor of the month and if so I can’t really complain.  They’re as good as any other tag team right now, which isn’t saying much but it hasn’t in years so there you go.  Not bad with some good stuff from the Samoans.

Video on Truth vs. Cena and Truth’s insanity.

Alberto is actually here and says there is no truth to him coming back to Smackdown due to being afraid of Show on Raw.  We get a clip of the attack on Ricardo on Monday and how Show has lost his mind.  Apparently Ricardo is very hurt and was Alberto’s best friend.  Ricardo will get his revenge and Alberto is dedicating his victory on Sunday to his best friend.  If Show was here, Alberto would spit in his face.  You know what that means, and as the music hits Alberto runs.  Show destroys ringside instead and I mean REALLY destroys it as Alberto watches from the crowd.

Back with a replay of what we just saw.

Christian vs. Sheamus

If Sheamus wins then it’s a three way on Sunday.  Orton of course sits in on this one.  Basic back and forth stuff to start with Sheamus sending him to the floor, right in front of Orton.  After Christian is scared to death by that and Sheamus hits a baseball slide we take a break.  Back with Sheamus hammering away but Christian gets some shots in to take control.

That doesn’t last long though as he walks into the Irish Curse for two and it’s time for some clubberin.  Pretty back and forth stuff here but a slight advantage to Christian at the moment.  Headbutt/splash misses and Sheamus hits a top rope shoulder block for two.  Christian hits the tornado DDT out of the corner for two but a spear fails due to a shot from Sheamus which gets two.

Killswitch doesn’t work and neither does the Brogue Kick.  Killswitch misses again but there’s the pendulum kick.  He goes up which fails and Sheamus chokes him on the top.  Out of absolutely nowhere, Christian snaps Sheamus’ neck down across the top rope which is enough for the pin at 9:04.  Totally random ending.

Rating: C. Didn’t like this for the most part as it didn’t have much time to get anywhere.  The ending hurt it also as there wasn’t anything resembling a build to it either.  It’s like they were told to end it NOW and so they rushed that together.  Also, did anyone really think Christian was losing here?  Really?

Post match Orton chases Christian away and punts Sheamus.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t that huge on this show this week.  There was some ok stuff but for the most part there were too many repeats from Monday and too much stuff that didn’t seem to matter.  They weren’t going to change the PPV main event and there was barely anything between Zeke and Barrett.  There was more good than bad, but this was lackluster for Smackdown.

Results

Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara b. Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett – Dropkick to DiBiase

Jinder Mahal b. Vladimir Kozlov

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox b. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ – Samoan Drop to AJ

Usos b. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Christian b. Sheamus – Clothesline on the top rope

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 16, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re past Slammiversary now and on the way to Victory Road.  Tonight we apparently also begin the Bound For Glory Series which is a competition between 12 people that I guess we’ll hear the details of tonight.  Also we have a new world champion in the form of Mr. Anderson who has a #1 contender in the form of Kurt Angle.  Finally we also get to begin the build for the Victory Road PPV which is an X-Division themed show involving some people being brought in from the past and outside as well.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a highlight package of Slammiversary with post match soundbytes from a lot of the guys.  Jarrett says it’s over with Angle when he says it’s over.

Anderson is here with the title and what looks like a black eye.  There’s a bunch of stuff in the ring such as a basketball goal, a pinball machine, a stripper pole, some food and beer kegs.  This is his championship reception.  Anderson says he doesn’t need anyone in the back or the fans.  There are five people that are important to him: his niece, his wife, me, myself and I.

Here’s Gunner to crash the party.  He talks about how Anderson asked him for help last week and wants a title match as his reward.  Anderson thanks him but says Gunner’s services are no longer required and he wishes him the best in all of his future endeavors.  Gunner has a hick accent.  Anderson says no because there are more deserving people than Gunner.  He’s thirsty apparently and pours a beer for himself which of course goes into Gunner’s face.  Gunner puts him through the table of food to end the segment.

The Bound For Glory series is for the title shot at BFG.  That’s a nice prize.

Sting is here.

D-Von vs. Hernandez

This stems off a match on Xplosion where D-Von beat Anarquia and was beaten down post match, only for Pope to make the save.  Hernandez jumps him to start thanks to Sarita distracting the referee.  D-Von gets a clothesline for two and spears Hernandez coming out of the corner to keep his advantage.

D-Von has slimmed down a bit apparently.  Pope saunters out and sits next to D-Von’s family, allowing Hernandez to roll up D-Von for two.  Thesz Press by D-Von and here’s Mexican America to run in for the DQ at 1:52.  Well this was pointless.  Pope makes the save after D-Von’s sons insist he do so.  They have a weird staredown post match.

Anderson storms into Bischoff’s office and says Eric needs to control Gunner.  Eric says no because Anderson turned down Immortal awhile ago.  It’s Anderson vs. Gunner, presumably tonight.  Ah yes it’s tonight.

Kurt is here with his kids.

After the break here’s Kurt, minus his kids.  Did he leave them with Abyss in daycare or something?  Angle talks about how you don’t just put a gold medal on the line on a whim.  He says that in 1996 he trained very hard and managed to make the Olympic team and even won a gold medal to represent his country.  Angle says he wants to do it again and is trying out for the 2012 Olympic wrestling team at the age of 43.  That’s legit from what I understand.

Here’s Jarrett who says it’s not over yet.  He says this started with a handshake in Pittsburgh so let’s end this tonight.  Jeff says that the company can’t hold both of them.  He wants one more match and doesn’t care if it means leaving the country or moving to Mexico.  Well he is going to be at AAA’s biggest show of the year this weekend so there’s some truth to that.

Angle says Jeff should have more honor than this and needs to just leave.  Jeff apparently says that there was nothing going on with him and Karen and he lied so Jeff’s word means nothing.  If Jeff can get a document together by the end of the show saying he’ll go to Mexico if he loses, Kurt will see him in the parking lot tonight.  The FINAL BATTLE was four days ago right?

We’ll explain the BFG Series next.

Ok so here’s the deal.  There are 12 people in it and the winner is in the BFG Title Match.  Points can be won in any kind of match on any TNA show, including house shows.  Here’s how the scoring works:

Submission: 10 points

Pin: 7 points

Count Out: 5 points

DQ Win: 3 points

Draw: 2 points

DQ Loss: -10 points

The top four compete at an unspecified date and the winner gets the title shot at the biggest show of the year.  RVD vs. Samoa Joe is the first match tonight.

Eric Young is talking to Matt Morgan about how he needs to get ready for his TV Title match tonight.  Morgan says he needs to get ready for the BFG Series.  If any match counts for that, why not beat Young at the same time?  Anyway, Young says it has to be a TV star he faces for the TV Title.  Morgan says an executive producer here used to be on a sitcom so go find him.

Apparently there’s going to be a 12 man tournament with the winner getting a contract at the PPV.

Austin Aries vs. Kid Kash vs. Jimmy Rave

This is part of the aforementioned tournament apparently.  Rave has the way old Christian style see through shirt.  Aries wants a test of strength with either guy.  Next week there are going to be three new X guys apparently.  Aries is sent to the floor and Rave takes over on Kash.  Aries comes back in and that goes nowhere as Kash pulls him to the floor.  Kash tries a springboard but jumps into a spear by Rave for two.  Aries cleans house and sends them both to the floor to set up a suicide dive to take them both out.

BIG Austin Aries chant starts up as it’s pretty clear that he’s the biggest deal here.  Kash takes both guys out with a huge spinning dive.  Back in the ring Kash and Aries slug it out with Kash getting two.  Aries breaks up a Rave cover and plants him with a brainbuster to end this at 4:25.

Rating: B-. Very fast paced match here and it’s pretty clear that Aries is the best guy out there, but at the same time I’m not getting overly excited for this series.  Once a year they build up the X-Division and after that show the whole thing goes back into the regular flow of things.  The matches will certainly be fun though so there’s that to look forward to at least.

Knockout Tag Titles: Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher vs. Sarita/Rosita

Sarita and Velvet start us off.  Mexican America has been sent to the back apparently.  Velvet sends her flying and it’s off to Rosita and Tessmacher.  The challengers dominate for awhile so it’s off to Sarita again.  This is your standard Knockouts match, in that they’re nice to look at but at the same time it’s a lot of yelling and not much on the wrestling.  Tessmacher looks incredible in those little shorts but she can’t wrestle that well at all.  Everything breaks down but as the challengers want a double suplex, here’s ODB to distract Velvet.  The champs double team Tessmacher and a flip splash by Rosita gets the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Nothing of note at all here as the whole thing was just to set up more ODB vs. Velvet which is nothing interesting in the slightest.  The girls aren’t incredibly good in the ring but they’re trying at least.  They needed someone in there to anchor this match and it hurt things a lot.

Post match ODB and Velvet yell at each other a lot and here’s Jackie freaking Moore for the double beatdown on Velvet.  Oh joy.  The girls beat up security and Velvet for a long while until they get split up.

Jarrett signs the contract with Hogan for later and Hogan calls him the King of Kings.  Jeff leaves and Sting pops up.  On the 14^th of July it’s the rematch, the show after Destination X.  Sting believes him and Hogan says there’s a history between them that no one knows about.  Sting asks if there’s a shred of the old Hogan left.  Sting rants about Hogan’s legacy in WCW and the catchphrases and Hogan’s legacy that he’s leaving for Brooke and Nick (Hulk’s kids) which sets Hogan off.

Hogan throws him out and Sting freaks out, saying he’s not ready to leave.  He goes insane, yelling at “Terry”, asking if Terry wants to wear a mask.  Sting gets the paint from last week and paints on Hulk’s face while pushing him into the corner.  Sting shouts about making the choice and we finally see Hogan with paint all over his face.  WEIRD segment to say the least.

Jackie and ODB rant about cleaning up the division and Velvet jumps ODB.  This results in the heels yelling a lot and sounding very annoying.

Austin Aries says he’s going to make the X-Division matter again.  Eric Young pops up and tries to start a TV Title match with the interviewer.  He superkicks him and gets a pin with Aries counting.  Oh it was Jason Hervey from the Wonder Years.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. Samoa Joe

This is billed as a dream match.  Ok then.  The bell is after a break.  Joe takes over to start but RVD reverses into a body press for two and hits the floor.  Joe catches a slingshot dives into a belly to belly for two in a solid looking spot.  RVD avoids a shot in the corner and hits a spinwheel kick to the face of Joe in the corner.  Monkey flip out of the corner doesn’t work though as Rob lands on the apron, only to get clotheslined across the top to the floor.  Suicide elbow takes RVD out again and Joe is in full control.

They change some reversals in the ring and Joe crushes Rob into the corner.  Joe’s skin is blood red for some reason.  Kick to the back of the head gets two for the Samoan.  Joe fires some LOUD chops but runs into a boot in the corner.  Rob tries a spinning cross body but Joe goes old school and just moves out of the way of it, letting Rob crash.  I love it when he does that.

Knee drop gets two and we hit a modified chinlock.  RVD fights out of it and gets a Stunner to set up a superkick.  Rolling Thunder gets two.  Joe counters a leapfrog of all things but walks into the spin kick of Van Dam’s.  Release Rock Bottom out of the corner takes Rob down again and Joe loads up the Musclebuster.  Rob blocks it so Joe tries a superplex instead.  Van Dam breaks it up and the Five Star ends this at 9:10 to give Rob seven points.

Rating: C+. I liked this actually as both guys did a decent job out there.  Once they got past the first few minutes things got going a bit better and it became a big match showdown which is what these two should be having.  Also nice to see a match get some time tonight as that’s normally a perk and it was here.

Gunner is getting medical attention from earlier and says he doesn’t like anyone.

Gunner vs. Mr. Anderson

Gunner has Bischoff with him but Bischoff heads to the back rather quickly.  Non-title here.  Interesting note about Anderson here as his first title match is on July 14, meaning there won’t be a world title match at Destination X.  After a brief run around outside Anderson gets that neckbreaker of his for two.  Off to the chinlock about 90 seconds in with the champion in control.  Anderson has a bit of a gut on him.

More shots to the back of the head and then Anderson just hammers away.  He slams Gunner but misses a Swanton Bomb.  Gunner fights back and gets a belly to back suplex for two.  There’s a big bandage on Gunner’s nose so I guess he got cut from the cup earlier.  Rolling fireman’s carry slam gets two for Anderson so he hammers away a bit more.  And now Anderson calls down the mic.  He announces that he’s still world champion and walks into the F5 for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: C-. Didn’t really get into this and the ending really hurt it I think.  I get that Anderson is cocky but why would he be that arrogant?  Also really not a fan of having the world champion lose in his first match.  I will give them credit for pushing some new young guys though in the form of Crimson and Gunner, so there’s certainly that.

Steiner vs. Ray next week in a BFG match.  Steiner rants about not knowing how to do anything other than beat people up.  He has no sugar for Ray and can’t play the guitar either.  This is one of those so insane it’s funny promos from Steiner.

Ray says not to crack jokes.  This match has the potential to be either the biggest trainwreck of all time or a pretty awesome brawl.

Time for the parking lot brawl with the circle of cars and wrestlers out there.  Do you win by pin I guess?  Angle takes him down with relative ease and hammers him.  This is shot like a fight instead of a match and Angle grabs an armbreaker.  Jeff fights out of it and it’s almost all Kurt so far.  Jeff sends him into a car and Ray yells him on.

Jeff says he’ll never leave TNA (again) and tells Kurt to go to train for the Olympics before hitting the Stroke on the concrete.  Angle gets up as Jeff leaves and they go at it some more.  Angle Slam onto a car and Angle chokes him with his shirt.  “Say adios Jarrett!”  Jeff is done and Angle leaves.  Ray says Jeff enver gave up.  Jarrett wakes up and says adios to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well you certainly can’t say that they didn’t throw a lot at us here.  I really didn’t like the middle section with the girls yelling and the Sting/Hogan thing.  Not that segment didn’t grab my attention and get incredibly intense because it did, but it probably leads to Hogan vs. Sting and there’s no way that’s going to be worth seeing.  Not a huge fan of this show, but they were certainly trying which I can definitely give them point for.  The two tournaments going on at once are a stretch, but it could be more of the same I guess, which means this is a better alternative.

Results

D-Von b. Hernandez via DQ when Mexican America interfered

Austin Aries b. Jimmy Rave and Kid Kash – Brainbuster to Rave

Rosita/Sarita b. Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher – Flip Splash to Tessmacher

Rob Van Dam b. Samoa Joe – Five Star Frog Splash

Gunner b. Mr. Anderson – F5

NXT
Date: June 14, 2011
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

Tonight is week fifteen, matching the longest season (season 1) of this show so far.  With the recent arrest of Lucky Cannon, there’s a chance he’s gone tonight.  That was definitely shocking news.  Not that he got arrested.  It was shocking that someone actually knew who he was.  My money is on someone not named O’Brian going home tonight because someone hates me.  Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Lucky Cannon and his interaction with Maryse over the course of the season.  Also last week the $3,500 purse Cannon got her was destroyed thanks to that pesky leprechaun.  If that was read out of context, it might make you think wrestling fans are really stupid for watching this product.  By reading it in context, we know for fact that they’re stupid for watching this.

Maryse brings out the rookies.  Oh and Striker is there with her.  Cannon is here with a different coat.  O’Brian is here with no apparent reason.  Young is here with the hair that will not die.  O’Neil is here with no Pro due to the attack by Truth last night.  Wait Striker just said eliminations, as in PLURAL!!!  Oh I’m all aflutter now.  The Redemption standings are as follows: O’Neil has nearly double what the other three combined have.  Maryse dashes my hopes by saying it’s just one elimination tonight.

The challenge is Talk the Talk and you get thirty seconds to say who should be eliminated.  Cannon says O’Neil for riding the coattails of his pro.  He has no charisma and won’t draw money.  The show is all about him apparently.  O’Neil makes fun of Cannon’s robe and says he’s smart.  Cannon has won nothing apparently and is just running behind Maryse.  Can you blame him though?  Still a bad promo, but far better than anything O’Neil has ever said.

O’Brian says Young should be gone because he’s had his opportunity already.  Young blew his chance and has already main evented Summerslam.  That’s a very good point and proof why Young either should be on the main roster or should be fired, depending on where you stand.  Young says he’s the best and that they should just give him the crowd now.  YES!  LISTEN TO THIS MAN!  Young jumps O’Brian and leaves.  Think that’s our main event?  We do the judging and Young gets the loudest pop actually but they call it a tie with O’Neil.  O’Neil does clearly get the biggest pop on the second try so I can live with that.

Darren Young vs. Yoshi Tatsu

This has the potential to not suck.  Tatsu works on the arm a lot and that’s about it for the start of this.  Remember when Tatsu was this hot thing on ECW?  How in the world has he fallen that far that fast?  We’re three and a half minutes into this now and there’s been nothing but the arm work so far.  Tatsu fires off some chops in the corner so Young punches him in the face.

Dropkick sends Young to the floor but he catches a DDT on the apron to Tatsu to take over.  Here comes JTG as we take a break.  Back with Young holding a front facelock and JTG is on commentary now.  Regal gets on JTG about various things and it stuns me that people actually liked JTG at some point.  Chinlock goes on by Young as this isn’t incredibly interesting.

Regal and JTG do their usual schtick and it’s kind of funny as always.  Young hits the chinlock some more to waste even more time.  How is it possible that this show is already halfway over?  Tatsu breaks the hold and takes Young down to start his comeback.  Some kicks abound and up he goes.  And speaking of go, there goes my feed.  By the time it’s back Yoshi is hammering away with nothing but strikes.  What a shock.  Double knees in the corner and a spinwheel kick get two.  Shining Wizard gets two.  Yoshi goes up but Chavo distracts him, allowing Young to pull him off the top for the pin at approximately 13:50.

Rating: D+. Based on just what I saw, this was pretty weak.  There’s no real point to having these guys fight and that’s what makes this show not work.  They can have these pointless matches all they want but the matches get really dull after awhile.  Tatsu and Young have no reason to fight and that becomes apparent after 12 minutes of them fighting.  Weak match and boring to boot.

Maryse tells Lucky that her purse can be repaired.  Lucky says he’ll take care of it and she says she gave the purse fixers Lucky’s credit card.  Ok then.

Titus O’Neil vs. Lucky Cannon

Pre-match, Cannon promises to beat up Horny when he gets back.  Power vs. speed for lack of a better term here.  Titus throws him around so Cannon runs.  In old school heel fashion, Cannon gets a shot in to Titus as he comes back in and takes over.  Apparently O’Neil is distracted due to the lack of small green clothed men.  I give up.  Legdrop gets two for Cannon.  Chinlock goes on and the fans aren’t all that thrilled.  Lucky does the dog bark as this needs to end.  Titus starts his comeback and hits a clothesline and there’s the dog bark.  Clash of the Titus ends this at 6:46.

Rating: D+. Well this match happened.  That’s about all there is to say here.  O’Neil is a good power guy and probably has done the best this season, which means he probably won’t win.  Weak match here which has been a theme tonight so far.  I’m not thrilled with this show at all as you can probably tell.  The problem is the same as earlier: how many times can we see these people have matches?  It gets really annoying really fast and it did about three months ago.

In one of the only funny lines of the night, Todd says elimination is next.  “One of these four superstars’ dreams are crushed tonight and it’s all your fault WWE Universe!”

Elimination time and Lucky is gone in 4^th place.  The reactions are great here, with Striker looking STUNNED.  No real shock due to what happened this weekend (he was arrested for impersonating a police office of all things) but rather annoying because O’Brian is STILL around.  Hopefully this ends soon though.  Lucky says he should be on Smackdown instead of on here and Titus leads us in the goodbye song.  Maryse says she appreciates the stuff but the purse was a fake and slaps Lucky to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I really didn’t like this week as the in ring stuff is right back to where it was a few weeks ago.  Somehow they fit about twenty minutes into this show which is rather impressive for a 50 minute show, and will likely approach Impact in terms of overall ring time.  Not much here at all this week and another boring show.

Results

Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge

Darren Young b. Yoshi Tatsu – Slam off the top rope

Titus O’Neil b. Lucky Cannon – Clash of the Titus

Lucky Cannon was eliminated in 4^th place

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 13, 2011
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

This is a three hour show and billed as WWE All-Stars.  The guest GM for the night is Steve Austin so expect some extra fans to be brought in because of him.  It’s also the final show before Capitol Punishment so the final push towards that should happen tonight.  Cena and Truth will probably interact a good deal tonight which should be entertaining.  Let’s get to it.

Cena vs. Punk in the main event.  Oh joy.  The graphics are from the All-Stars game.

Here’s Miz to open the show looking awesome as usual.  Miz says he’s the all time WWE All-Star because he won in the main event on the flagship show last week.  Then again you would have to be a moron to know that.  You know, like Alex Riley.  The crowd does the WHAT thing and Miz makes fun of them for it, saying it was cool in 2001.  No it wasn’t but we’ll let that slide.

Miz calls out Austin and wants to know why every time he looks up there’s Austin or Rock or someone from the Attitude Era trying to steal his spotlight.  Austin owes him an apology apparently and here he is.  Austin gets in his face about his suit and his hair and various other things.  The night the Tough Enough cast debuted Miz came out here and ran his mouth, talking all kinds of trash.

Austin actually gives him some credit for being a silver tongued devil.  Miz tries to say something but Austin cuts him off, saying stop talking while Austin has something to say.  Austin talks about Alex Riley and says that he’s got something, saying that he might be a bigger star than Miz someday.  Miz wants to know if he can talk yet and Austin says no.  Austin asks if Miz is going to take Riley out on Sunday and then grabs him by the tie, saying that Miz and Riley need counseling.  Austin is going to provide it tonight with one Rowdy Roddy Piper tonight in this very ring.

Austin turns away slightly and says if Miz knows what’s good for him he’ll get out of here right now.  Miz backs off slowly and Austin slowly turns around on him, saying that it’s not Miz’s time to be a hero.  Miz finally leaves to solid heat.  Here’s Alberto in wrestling gear to cut off Austin again.  Del Rio does his usual intro and says it’s time for Austin to pass the torch to Del Rio.

He talks about destiny of course and Austin isn’t all that impressed.  He says he’s not much of a fortune teller but says that he sees bad things for Del Rio in the future.  Ever since Del Rio injured Big Show with his car, Del Rio has had everyone ready to bash Del Rio’s skull in, so tonight the opening match is Del Rio vs. Kane.

Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio

The bell is after the break.  Kane takes over to start and gets his low dropkick for two.  Del Rio goes straight for the arm of course, hitting the Codebreaker to the arm.  Kane fights out of an arm hold and goes up for the clothesline but crash lands.  Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker but can’t hook it all the way and Kane gets to the rope.  Del Rio holds onto it for the five count and the DQ at 2:50.  Not much at all here.

Alberto still won’t let go and here’s Big Show, SPRINTING to the ring to take out Alberto.  Del Rio runs so Show kills Ricardo.  Kane has to choke Big Show to get him to let go.  Austin pops up to make Big Show vs. Del Rio at the PPV.

Ricardo was taken away on a stretcher during the break.

Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase vs. Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan

They to the light again as Cara and Rhodes start.  Off to Bryan quickly though who hammers on Rhodes.  The former Legacy takes Bryan down and here comes Barrett for a battle of Nexus.  Cole keeps ignoring Lawler’s jokes which might be in the best interest for all involved.  Barrett gets a crescent kick to the ribs and a pumphandle slam for two on Bryan.  Barrett drills Cara but Bryant gets the hot tag to run through Barrett.

Here come the slams which are starting to grow on me.  They’re so basic but they look good and convincing.  Torture Rack goes on but Legacy comes in for the double team save.  Jackson tosses them over the top and tosses Bryan on top of them.  Jackson takes Barrett down again and here’s Cara.  Slingshot crossbody ends this at 3:45.  Cara might have been legal for 10 seconds total.

Rating: C. Pretty basic here and they kept Cara out of the ring on a live show which more or less can’t be a bad thing at all.  He needs an actual story rather than just going out there and doing random high spots.  Either way, this was fine for what it was, which was just a way to get the Smackdown midcard on the show.

Back and here’s Horny firing t-shirts to the crowd using a cannon.  And here’s R-Truth to end that.  They’re all little Jimmy and Jennys apparently.  He wants to try but he’s going to become the new champion on Sunday.  Horny shoots him with a shirt and that doesn’t work.  Truth grabs him and….hugs him.  Ok then.  Truth shakes his hand and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE.  Awesome!  Truth does his psycho talking to Horny and here’s Austin on the big screen.  Truth has a match later with John Morrison!  He’s back!  Truth stomps on Horny again and leaves.  Lawler comes in to check on the leprechaun.

Santino Marella vs. Sheamus

The bell rings very quickly with no entrance for either guy.  Santino fires some kicks off to get Sheamus into the corner.  Not that any of them hit but he’s trying at least.  Sheamus takes his head off with a clothesline and hammers away, getting another clothesline for two.  Cravate goes on for a bit and then Sheamus rams him into the buckle.

Santino Italians Up and that gets him nowhere, other than in the path of another clothesline.  High Cross doesn’t work and he loads up the Cobra.  Brogue Kick misses and Santino gets the Cobra!  Naturally it gets like one and the Brogue Kick hits before Sheamus puts on a Texas Cloverleaf for the submission at 2:50.  Not much, but cool to see a new finisher.

Orton is up next.

We get the same video from Smackdown of Christian drilling Orton with the title.

Here’s Orton to a fairly tame reaction.  And Orton’s mic doesn’t work.  He wants Christian here right now and that he only wants to talk.  He won’t punt him or try an RKO.  All he wants to do is talk.  Orton says don’t make him come back there.  He might go to the papers otherwise.

Christian pops up on the screen and says he’s earned his spot, unlike Orton who has had everything thrown on him.  He polls the fans, asking if they want him to come out here.  The fans cheer, so of course he’s not coming.  Orton says Edge isn’t here which is a shame.  Edge has been carrying Christian for 17 years so he could carry him to the ring.

That seems to be enough and here comes Christian in a new shirt.  Here he is in the arena but he stops on the ramp.  Orton goes after him but Christian makes the save.  There’s an E-Mail which says Orton has a concussion apparently.  He won’t wrestle tonight so the GM says go home.  If Orton doesn’t chill he’s stripped of the title.  Randy tries one more charge at Christian but leaves.  It wasn’t a big charge so it’s ok I guess.  Austin pops up on the screen and makes Christian vs. Rey Mysterio next.

Christian vs. Rey Mysterio

Booker jumps in on commentary here.  Mysterio vs. Punk on Sunday.  Haven’t we seen that a lot recently?  I guess that’s the rubber match in this mini-series so it makes sense.  Rey speeds things up to start and sends Christian down with a headscissors.  And never mind as Rey takes him down with a clothesline to take over.  Off to the chinlock which doesn’t last long.  Christian sends Rey over the top and to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Christian holding a chinlock as Rey tries to fight his way up.  Christian goes into the corner and steps on Rey….and it’s a DQ?  The bell rang at 5:40 but seriously, what the heck was that?  I’d bet on a legit accident because that made zero sense at all.  Christian goes after Rey post match but Rey knocks him off the top and sets for a splash, but here comes Punk.  Rey dives on him instead and here’s Nexus.  Rey avoids the Killswitch and knocks Christian down.  619 to Christian is blocked by Ryan who kills him by ramming him into the post and hitting a backbreaker.  Killswitch leaves Rey laying.

Rating: C. Call this right in the middle because the majority of it was in the commercial.  I’d bet on this being a mistake.  Either that or this was really stupid booking.  It felt so completely random and the post match stuff seemed like they were trying to fill in time.  I don’t get this at all but it wasn’t that bad.  I guess they want to protect both guys which makes sense at least.

Austin is on the phone when Vickie and Dolph come up.  She shouts EXCUSE ME at him and asks for a US Title shot for Dolph on Sunday.  Austin says ok on one condition: he drops Vickie as his associate.  Dolph doesn’t want to do it but Austin goes into a speech about DiBiase being his manager and Dolph reluctantly drops him.  Austin says he’s just having fun with them and leaves while Vickie makes funny noises.  So are they split up or not?

R-Truth vs. John Morrison

We get a quick recap of Morrison being injured by Truth.  And there’s no Morrison.  The music plays again and there’s no Morrison.  Truth says get out here and says Morrison need to unscare himself.  Truth says he’ll bring the fight to Morrison and goes into the back.  To the back we go and someone is out cold.  SHAZAM!  It’s Morrison, still down and holding his neck.  Maybe he’s not back yet.  Truth says all the Little Jimmys came here to see a great match.  Truth leaves and then comes back, crushing Morrison with an anvil case.  Truth has the funniest psycho face you’ll ever see as we go to break.

Video on Dolph Ziggler before his match.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. Kofi Kingston

No pyro for Swagger’s pushups.  Vickie is with Dolph here so I guess they’re still together.  Dolph and Kofi start us off.  Kofi jumps around a lot and hits a jumping back elbow yet somehow it’s Dolph getting the cover.  Odd indeed.  Off to Swagger who gets a belly to belly for two.  Vader Bomb misses though and it’s off to Bourne.

Bourne gets some sweet jumping shots and a rollup on Swagger gets two but there’s the ankle lock.  Evan rolls through it, only for Dolph to grab his foot.  Bourne kicks him in the head while Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to Swagger.  Picture perfect Air Bourne ends this at 2:55.  Just a quick match and not enough to grade but this was fine.

Back and it’s time for Piper’s Pit.  Yep, Piper is drunk.  Piper talks about Mania 2 where he dropped Mr. T in this ring.  Here’s Miz to say really.  Miz says he’s the next Piper, Piper says there’s never going to be another Roddy Piper.  Piper calls Miz a Roddy Piper wannabe which Miz denies, saying at least he’s been WWE Champion.  He also actually won in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Miz says he was on Real World and makes fun of They Live.  Piper says he never saw Real World because he was busy living in the Real World.  Piper says let’s talk about the future, like this Sunday.  Here’s Riley, who says that Miz never was his friend.  Piper says that gave him self respect.  Miz points out the hypocrisy of Piper getting annoyed with someone for that when he mistreated Bob Orton for all those years.

Gorilla Monsoon, King Kong Bundy, Mean Gene are all in the bottom of a well so who do you save first?  Miz has no idea what Piper is talking about.  “Just when you think you got all the answers, I CHANGE THE QUESTIONS!”  That was great.  Piper says Riley beating him will be AWESOME.  Riley says Piper can beat Miz right now.  Miz says he’ll put up $1000 that he can beat Piper right now.  Piper gets all nervous due to the age and says how about $5000?  Austin pops up and says do it.  Both guys are putting up five grand and Alex Riley is guest referee.  Hilarious as well as good segment here.

Roddy Piper vs. The Miz

Piper is in tights and a t-shirt while Miz is in street clothes.  Miz hammers away and Piper gets a sleeper.  Riley pulls him off and here they go.  Piper grabs a schoolboy for the pin at 1:06.

Some Divas are going to be on the Price is Right.

Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn

If this goes past two minutes I’ll be stunned.  Kelly and Brie start but it’s off to Melina or Rosa and there’s the big brawl almost immediately.  Kelly hits the K2 on Rosa and we’re done at 1:25.  Three out of the fourteen were actually legal.

Post match Eve gets on the mic and says the Tony Awards (Broadway) were in New York last night.  They get in a line and to the Rockette kicks.  This was totally pointless.

We recap the ending to Tough Enough last week where Vince Slapped Andy and Austin stunned him.  Andy is in the back with Austin and they share a beer.  Punk comes in and makes fun of Andy.  Austin asks Andy to leave and offers Punk a beer.  They do the WHAT sequence over various types of alcohol.  Punk wants to give Austin a breathalyzer.  Punk: “Can you say the alphabet backwards?”  Austin: “I can whip you backwards.”  Huge pop for that.  No Nexus at ringside tonight.

Here’s Austin for a major announcement.  He thanks the crowd but is cut off by an E-Mail.  Cole sounds scared to death to have to read it.  Austin is sick of the GM, who says that all good things must come to an end.  The anonymous GM will be back next week on Raw.  Austin’s watch says there’s some time left so as of right now he’s still the GM.

Next week Austin won’t be the GM but next week there will be another three hour Raw and next week it’s all about the power of the people.  They’ll make all the matches and stipulations, I guess like Viewer’s Choice from when Bret was GM last year.  The GM keeps sending E-Mails and Austin gets ticked off so he chases Cole off.  DOWN GOES THE COMPUTER!  He pours beer on it and runs over it with the ATV before leaving.  Oh wait he’s back to have some beers.

Capitol Punishment ad with the press conference thing.  This one is Smackdown themed.  The jokes are kind of funny but at the same time the idea to get them here is really old.

CM Punk vs. John Cena

There’s a five minute overrun tonight apparently so this has a good deal of time.  Punk sits down in the middle of the ring after his entrance.  This is the first time we’ve seen Cena all night and he gets a solid reaction but it’s mainly booing.  The dueling chants are going strong quickly.  Punk goes behind Cena and that gets him nowhere.  Punk tries the GTS and Cena tries the AA but neither work and it’s a stalemate.  Cena tries the fisherman’s suplex and gets countered into being draped over the ropes as we take a break.

Back with Cena hammering away but walking into an old school abdominal stretch.  Oh and Cole is back on commentary.  Punk hits a huge dive to the floor and then with a Savage point to the roof he hits something that kind of almost resembled a double axe.  Off to a bodyscissors which Cena reverses into the STF but he can’t make it last as Punk gets the rope.  Leg lariat gets two for Punk.

Punk keeps his advantage, hitting the clothesline in the corner.  Cena reverses the bulldog though and sets the ending sequence.  He tries the shoulder block and Punk uses one of his Zen counters that he learned in his tours of Japan by calling on his ancient martial arts training: he ducks, sending Cena flying to the floor.  Why don’t more people get that?  Cena does the same to the springboard clothesline and both guys are down.  Cena starts his comeback and hits the Protoplex but here’s Truth to annoy a fan.  He offers a sip of water for the fan’s hat.  The distraction lets Punk hit the GTS for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. Good match here for the most part with Punk finally getting the pin that he’s never gotten (I don’t think at least) over Cena.  His reaction post match helped it a lot as he looked like he was a kid on Christmas morning.  Good stuff here between two guys that definitely have chemistry together.

Truth hits Cena with the bottle of water post match and takes the belt with him after talking some trash.

Overall Rating: C+. This wasn’t great to say the least but it wasn’t too bad.  It certainly drags at times and I really don’t get the point of the All-Stars aspect, but they needed something to fill in the Draft show that they were probably scheduled to have here.  Not horrible but at the same time there really was no need to make this a three hour show.  I’ve seen worse though, and they pushed the PPV a lot.  Not terrible, but really nothing all that great.

Results

Kane b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Del Rio wouldn’t break the cross armbreaker

Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes – Springboard Crossbody to Barrett

Sheamus b. Santino Marella – Texas Cloverleaf

Rey Mysterio b. Christian via DQ when Christian would not stop choking Mysterio

Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler – Air Bourne to Swagger

Roddy Piper b. The Miz – Schoolboy

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn b. Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina – K2 to Mendes

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Slammiversary 2011
Date: June 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s anniversary day for TNA again as this time they’re turning nine.  The main event is Sting vs. Anderson in what I’m sure will live up to all of the hype.  Given the matches and such they’ve had so far for this setup, that shouldn’t take much.  Other than that we’ve got Angle vs. Jarrett in another final match, this time with the medals and the title shot next month on the line.  Other than that, standard TNA fair.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Sting vs. Anderson to no surprise.  Now let’s talk about the Knockouts and Angle/Jarrett.  Jarrett vs. Angle is the main topic.  Nothing about the whole anniversary aspect yet.  Sting vs. Anderson is the last part of it.  Nothing special at all here.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. James Storm/Alex Shelley

Shelley is subbing for the injured Robert Roode here.  The Brits are Magnus and Williams who now have matching jackets.  Roode sits in on commentary.  Williams is in trunks now which is going to take some getting used to.  Storm vs. Williams to start us off but it’s off to Shelley quickly.  Shelley of course speeds things way up but a blind tag brings in Storm to face Magnus.  Very fast paced stuff so far.

Double dropkick takes Magnus down so it’s off to Williams.  They do one of the Guns’ moves with the bridging neck hold but Storm adds in a pair of fingers to the eyes instead of a dropkick.  Shelley gets pulled to the floor and the tide turns a bit.  Williams chokes away a bit and drops a knee for two.  The Brits get an overly elaborate double neckbreaker as Shelley plays face in peril for awhile.

Magnus hits a suplex and Shelley wants a tag.  Nice double team moves sets up a middle rope elbow for Williams.  Exploder suplex by Williams looks to set up Rolling Chaos Theory but Shelly counters into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle.  Hot tag to Storm who sends Williams to the floor.  Williams is sent to the floor again, this time on top of Magnus.  Suicide dive by Shelley takes Williams down again.  That’s not a good few seconds for him at all.

They even stop to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Shelley stuns Magnus on the top rope and Storm sets for the Eye of the Storm but Williams reverses.  Superkick is blocked as is the Rolling Chaos.  Superkicks all around and a Codebreaker sets up a top rope double stomp for a close two on Williams.

Top rope kick puts Magnus down and Storm loads up the beer, which of course goes into Shelley’s eyes.  Shelley drills Storm and a top rope variation of the Hart Attack (European Uppercut instead of a clothesline) gets a very close two on Storm.  Shelley pops in again and it’s a superkick to Magnus to set up the Sliced Bread to end this.  Solid opener.

Rating: B. Good stuff to start us off here and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be.  Tags are more or less the perfect opener to shows, especially when they’re fast paced like this one was.  They worked hard out there and we have a solid pace set for the show, which is what the opener is for.  I’m very pleased here.

Jarrett and Angle got here earlier today.

Steiner says his arms are bigger than Morgan’s so he’ll beat him down tonight.  Oh and he’ll take Morgan’s girlfriend.

Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner

Let the war of alliteration begin!  Steiner is billed from the Detroit University of Michigan.  The university is in Ann Arbor but who cares I guess.  Morgan dominates to start and takes Steiner to the floor rather quickly.  Back in Steiner hits a low blow and takes over.  I can’t imagine this is going to go long.  Belly to belly gets two.  There’s the clothesline/elbow/pushups.  Steiner’s offense is rather slow so let’s talk about the Impact Wrestling fantasy game.

Steiner yells at the fans a lot and continues his very slow style.  Tazz calls it veteran pacing.  I call it he’s old and slow.  Morgan wakes up a bit and hammers away to start his comeback.  Steiner goes into the buckle and it’s a splash to set up a side slam for no cover.  Michinoku Driver gets two.  Steiner gets a suplex (I’m shocked too) to break the momentum and two at the same time.  Isn’t he efficient?

Downward Spiral by Steiner for two.  Steiner Recliner goes on and there’s zero torque on it at all.  Morgan gets underneath him and lifts him up but Steiner USES A VICTORY ROLL for two.  WOW.  Chokeslam and belly to belly are blocked and the Carbon Footprint ends this.  Well at least the right guy won there.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible battle of the big men here and I’m still recovering from that victory roll.  It was a pretty good one on top of that.  Now for the love of all things good and holy, get Morgan something else to do that isn’t a random power vs. power feud.  He’s been doing those forever now and they’re old.

Jarrett says he’s already taken Kurt’s greatest accomplishment and she’s sitting in Sleeping Giant.  Oh wait that’s just Morgan’s music still playing.  Karen is the greatest accomplishment apparently.  On Thursday Jeff is going to be awarded the gold medal apparently.  This victory is going to be dedicated to Karen.

Recap of the X-Division triple threat.  Abyss got the title from Kaz and quoted Art of War a lot.  Kaz and Kendrick are trying to get the title off of him to save the X-Division.  Oh and Abyss calls it the Xtreme Title.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss vs. Kazarian

Kendrick is all serious here.  You would think this would be a handicap match for the most part.  Kendrick is down within seconds so Kaz tries to hammer away to no real result.  Dropkick works a bit but Kaz is knocked to the floor a second later.  Abyss is like screw these tiny men and throws Kendrick to the floor on top of Kaz.  They finally wake up and double team him which puts him down in the corner.

Out to the floor and more double teaming takes Abyss down.  Back in the ring and Kaz tries to send Kendrick into Abyss but thankfully Abyss remembers that his finisher is a spinning slam so it’s a Black Hole Slam for Kendrick.  Big boot takes Kaz down and the monster stands tall.  Abyss beats on Kaz and knocks Kendrick back to the floor before he can do anything.

Big lumbering clothesline in the corner puts Kaz down as we’ve slowed this way down.  Kaz tries to bite Abyss and that fails as well.  Off to a neck crank as Kendrick comes back in again.  And scratch that as he falls down again.  Kaz tries a comeback but gets caught in Shock Treatment.  Vader Bomb misses as the previously assumed dead Kendrick is back in.  Some dropkicks put Abyss down for two.  More kicks set up a decent tornado DDT for two.  Abyss gets all ticked off and chokeslams Kendrick.  Pretty bad rana takes Abyss down as does a double dropkick.

Slingshot legdrop by Kaz sets up a frog splash by Kendrick for a double stacked two.  Chokeslam to Kaz is countered into a rollup for two.  Kaz is thrown into Kendrick and Abyss falls to the floor.  Kendrick and Kaz fire off some rights to each other and some F Bombs.  Well this had to happen eventually.  Kaz puts him on the top and Abyss is still down.  Kaz tries a top rope C4 to Kendrick but settles for the Fade To Black.  That doesn’t work either as Kendrick reverses and nails Kaz with a leg lariat.  And here’s Abyss to steal the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The selling was kind of overkill here but at the same time they had the story down pretty well.  It entered into the triple threat formula at the end but at the same time they kind of had to do that to make the match work.  Not a horrible match or anything but just about what was expected.  Abyss will likely lose next month.

Crimson vs. Joe is recapped.  It’s a battle of the undefeated streaks so look for Crimson to win here, which would be his biggest win.  Oh and we get a clip of the “viral” video of the bar fight.

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson

Crimson hits the ring and they slug it out immediately.  The fans think Joe’s Gonna Kill Crimson.  Suicide dive is blocked by a forearm from the floor and there’s a big boot back in the ring by Crimson.  Neckbreaker gets two.  Cravate goes on so Joe gets a bad dragon screw leg whip to take the red dude down.  Crimson hammers away on Joe but walks into a kind of atomic drop sort of a move to the knee.  That was different.

He takes Crimson down with relative ease and there’s a leg bar for a few seconds.  Spinning toe hold by Joe as we go back to the mid 1870s.  Crimson counters into a triangle choke and then an arm bar which gets him nowhere.  T-Bone suplex by Crimson takes Joe down as the fans are trying to get into this.  Double arm DDT gets two.  The fans chant Mercer, which is Crimson’s real name I believe.

Suplex and a clothesline by Joe get two.  Joe goes up to the middle rope for a Rough Ryder for two.  Joe is all frustrated.  “Dang man end this match already before the buffet is empty.”  Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab.  We get a Gumby reference of all things as the hold stays on.  They slap it out and Crimson gets a spear to take Joe down.  They slug it out again with Crimson knocking him back into the corner.  Now Joe knocks him back into the corner but can’t get the Musclebuster.  Clutch can’t go on either so there’s the Red Sky to end this.

Rating: C+. Pretty good big slugout here and it’s good to see Crimson actually face big time competition for a change.  Pretty good match here with the ending being pretty clear, but a nice test for Crimson nonetheless.  I don’t think Crimson is as great as he’s made out to be, but this worked pretty well for what it was.

They shake hands post match and Joe pulls Crimson in close to say we’ll do this again.

Winter and Angelina do their usual thing.  Winning the title is a step closer to the final destiny apparently.  Angelina turns down the pill this time and says it’s not necessary anymore because they’re on the same page.

Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James

Fans are totally behind Mickie here.  There’s a fat guest timekeeper that Taz makes jokes about.  Angelina does her zombie thing and it turns into kind of a catfight.  Love works on the arm so Mickie gets a rana out of the corner, only to walk into a snap suplex for two.  Mickie blows a kiss at Winter so Winter takes her down.  Not into swinging I guess.  Mickie gets a clothesline to take both girls down.

And there she goes right back to the floor.  Angelina is sent into the steps which gets about a seven on the floor.  Back in and Mickie takes over one more time with a bunch of clotheslines.  Thesz Press off the top gets no cover.  Winter grabs Mickie’s foot again which gets her nowhere at all.

Botox Injection (name totally doesn’t fit anymore) gets two so Angelina goes all psycho on Mickie again.  She tries that backbreaker thing she’s been doing which is countered into the DDT attempt.  Northern lights suplex gets two.  Winter cheating on a rollup gets two.  They botch the jumping DDT like never before but it gets the pin anyway.  Horrible looking ending and considering Mickie was involved in it, that says a lot.

Rating: D+. The botches were flowing harder than a sorority’s menstrual cycle here and it really hurt the match.  They need to get somewhere already with this story because they’re moving like molasses with it.  Just get to the lesbian stuff or have Angelina wake up already.  Mickie keeping the title here is probably only temporary but whatever.

Mickie gets choked out after the match.

Ray says he’s a man unlike AJ and that he’ll destroy AJ.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray.  Ray is being a bully (shocking) and doesn’t like how AJ acts as a wrestler, saying he’s a boy.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

Last man standing here.  AJ is listed as being from Gainesville, Florida instead of Georgia.  Christy looks good, but dude, go wear low cut shirts and that’s about it.  Staredown to start and then AJ hammers away.  Ray runs him over so that gets us nowhere.  This is going to take awhile to get anywhere, much like any last man standing match.  Ray pounds away and we go to the floor for awhile.

Bully sets up the steps but chops away instead.  He drops AJ onto the steps but pulls him up at about 4.  Ray puts the steps on AJ and then stands on him, which should get a ten.  Naturally Ray lets him up because he’s not that intelligent at times.  That and a few more shots get a four.  Back into the ring for some more hard chops as this has almost been all Ray.

AJ says bring it and holds his chest out.  More chopping follows and Styles says keep em coming.  Ray of course stands around and lets AJ get up because again, he’s not that smart.  Instead he punches him in the jaw this time which works a bit better.  AJ gets back up and his chest is all kinds of messed up.  Styles hammers away and gets Ray down with the Pele.  Springboard forearm gets six.

Ray goes up so AJ hits a Pele up there.  AJ goes up there for a rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb.  That looks awesome coming off the top and it gets like five here.  They both stumble to the floor and Ray has a chain.  That hits post though and Ray’s hand is hurt.  AJ gets the chain and a jumping punch with it sends Ray under the ring to blade.  Ooo and it’s a good one too.

Back in the ring and AJ gets his springboard 450 for a count of about 8.  AJ picks Ray up and throws him to the floor and down goes a cameraman.  Pescado puts Ray down again and it’s Styles Clash time.  That of course doesn’t work so we go back up the ramp.  Ray wants the powerbomb again but AJ hits a pair of Peles and a punt to send Ray to the floor.

AJ is like screw it and dives off the stage to Ray and it looks like his head slammed into Ray’s shoulder.  That only gets 9.  Styles loads up a table and puts it in front of the stage.  Chair to the back puts Ray on it and it’s huge spot time.  He sets for a running dive but realizes it’s too far.  Instead he climbs up the truss and hits one of the biggest dives you’ll EVER see to kill Ray.  I was legit scared there.  And then Ray kicks him through the stage wall and wins the freaking thing.  HORRIBLE ending as AJ was built up perfectly and then oh wait let’s make sure Ray wins because AJ freaking Styles isn’t a big enough star right?

Rating: B. Great match and the ending ruined it.  AJ hits one of the biggest spots in company history and then BULLY FREAKING RAY beats him with a kick to the back?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Zero reason at all for Ray to win this and the shot he wins it with was freaking weak.  AJ’s dive is worth seeing and is up there with the Swanton Jeff Hardy did to Orton on Raw like three years ago for scary dives.  Hate the ending though.  Absolutely hate it.

Anderson says it’s serious time tonight.

We recap the world title match which is Anderson trying to get under Sting’s skin, which never really made a lot of sense but whatever.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mr. Anderson

Sting comes in and jumps Anderson during the entrance.  He’s in all red here and has that paint on his face making him look like the Joker.  All Sting so far as Anderson can’t even get his shirt off.  Into the crowd they go and Anderson goes into a wall.  There’s black/gray around Sting’s mouth for some reason.  Anderson gets a quick reversal and that gets him nowhere at all as Sting pounds on him even more.

Up the steps they go even further and this is wasting a ton of time.  To the ring finally and Sting is sent into the post.  Anderson sends Sting’s hand into the steps and then pulls the arm around the post for awhile.  More F Bombs dropped as an armbar goes on Sting.  Clothesline puts Sting down again for two.  Anderson wastes forever and does Sting’s chest pound before missing a horrible Stinger Splash.

Modified world’s strongest slam gets two.  Anderson is covering a lot here.  Back to the armbar which makes some sense here at least.  Sting starts his comeback and pounds on his chest as he is known to do at times.  Clothesline sets up a backdrop and the splash in the corner.  Scorpion is set up….and here’s Bischoff.  Another Stinger Splash misses and Anderson gets a very close two.

Sting gets a regular DDT with the bad arm for two.  He tries something close to a Banzai Drop but gets caught in the little stingers which gets two for Anderson.  Mic Check hits on the second attempt for two.  Stinger Splash and the Death Drop hit but Bischoff interferes and messes with the count so there was only a two count instead of the three.  Low blow RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE sets up the Mic Check and we have a new champion.  Wow indeed.

Rating: C. The chicanery hits again.  I really hope this doesn’t set up Anderson joining Immortal because it really seemed like it was dying there for awhile.  Bischoff is the source of drama again which is his custom.  Hopefully this sticks around so we don’t have Sting vs. Hogan for the title.  Surprising ending and it more or less locks up Angle winning tonight in the main event.

Karen says Kurt pushed her which is what caused her injuries.  The medal comes to Tennessee tonight.  Tenay calls her a ball buster.

We recap Jarrett vs. Angle which is the final battle tonight.  They’ve had like six PPV matches tonight and this one is mainly over Karen being “injured” (read as going off to get implants) which we couldn’t see the details of.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

Winner gets the title shot next month and if Jeff wins he gets Kurt’s medal.  I can live with this being the main event because it’s the anniversary show and this has been built up better than Sting vs. Anderson.  Angle’s right arm is taped a bit.  Feeling out process to start as they’re going for the big epic match here which they probably should.  Angle takes it to the mat as is his custom.

Headlock goes on for awhile by Angle and he adds a hiptoss to take over.  Jeff backdrops him to the floor and Kurt is holding his shoulder which I’d assume is kayfabe.  Jeff works him over on the floor for awhile and we head back into the ring.  Jarrett hammers away as Angle is in trouble.  He hits that move where one guy is in position for the 619 and you jump on their back.  Both try cross bodies and they both go down.

There’s the sleeper to give them a breather.  Angle rams him into the corner and there’s a German.  Boo/yay punching sequence with the yays having it.  Belly to belly gets two.  Dropkick off the middle rope gets two.  Jarrett tries a rana I think which is countered into a powerbomb for two.  Ankle lock goes on for a bit but Jeff gets a DDT for two.  Stroke is countered into the Angle Slam for two.  Moonsault misses and he would have barely hit Jeff’s feet anyway.

Tombstone doesn’t work and it’s ankle lock time again.  Jeff rolls through and down goes the referee.  Low blow takes Kurt down and Jeff grabs a guitar on the floor.  Down goes Kurt and for once he moves the pieces out of the ring.  He leaves one though and here’s another referee who apparently wasn’t watching the screen in the back.  That gets two and Jeff is ticked.

Earl and Jeff get into a shoving match, resulting in a Kurt rollup for two.  Here are the Germans for a long two.  Jeff goes up and there’s the running suplex for a long two.  The crowd isn’t really getting into this for some reason.  Angle charges and goes shoulder first into the post.  Middle rope Stroke only gets two.  Jeff gets the Angle Slam and the ankle lock to Kurt, including the leg lace.  Jeff stands up for some reason and Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock with the lace and Jeff taps.

Rating: B+. Very good match here and mostly worthy of a main event of a PPV, but at the same time it never hit that epic level that they were looking for.  Anderson vs. Angle at the next PPV should be ok but we’ve seen it before.  At least it hasn’t happened recently though so that helps.  This was a rather good match here and a fitting match for the final battle.  Good match, but not quite great.

Overall Rating: B-. Overall this was good but at the same time there were some rather questionable booking decisions on this show.  The Bischoff thing I’m not sure about at all but that’s coming on Impact I guess.  Ray vs. AJ was freaking stupid after the great match which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.  Overall it’s good, but some of the booking and the first hour being pretty weak overall hurts it.  Still good though and one of the better TNA shows in a good while.

Results

James Storm/Alex Shelley b. British Invasion – Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus

Matt Morgan b. Scott Steiner – Carbon Footprint

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick and Kazarian – Abyss pinned Kazarian after a leg lariat from Kendrick

Crimson b. Samoa Joe – Red Sky

Mickie James b. Angelina Love – Jumping DDT

Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Styles couldn’t answer the ten count

Mr. Anderson b. Sting – Mic Check

Kurt Angle b. Jeff Jarrett – Ankle Lock

Fall Brawl 1996
Date: September 15, 1996
Location: Lawrence Joel Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Winston Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 11,300
Commentators: Dusty Rhodes, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

WOW that’s a long name for a place to hold a show. This show is about two things: War Games and Sting. Six days before this, Sting had been announced as being in Japan for that day so he would NOT be at Nitro. Ok, fine. So later on in the night, Luger went chasing after someone in the NWO and ran into the parking lot where the NWO limo awaited. And out pops Sting. My jaw went through the floor when I saw it as a kid.

It turns out though that it’s a fake Sting and that the real guy really was in Japan. The deal here though is that even though we knew he was in Japan, he looked a lot like the real Sting so the WCW guys believed he had really turned until he told them otherwise. This was stupid from both sides. One: it was established he was in Japan.

If that’s the case, why wouldn’t they believe him? Second, can you blame them for believing it was him at least for awhile? Does NO ONE watch film anymore? So yeah the main event is NWO vs. WCW in War Games and neither team knows who the fourth guy for their team is, which makes things a bit odd but whatever. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about the war between the two organizations. Oh and Giant has joined since the last show. Other than that it’s just about the chaos the NWO has been going off about in the last few months. We see the video from Sting “turning” and Eric FREAKING is great. We also see them destroying a car last night with their bats. Why were they never arrested?

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Chavo Guerrero

Well this is an odd pairing. DDP is a heel still and is feuding with both Guerreros at this point. Chavo is almost brand new here having been in the company like five months and is TINY here. He hit the gym over the years and filled out a lot which is good for him as he looks pretty pathetic here. There are two rings here and they’re in the left one.

Chavo goes off on him early on the floor and whips him with a belt that I have no idea where he got. Apparently Eddie won the Battlebowl ring at Clash of the Champions from DDP so at least they’ve set this match up. This is a real contrast of styles as Chavo is young and fast and DDP is really bad at this point still. He’s pretty much the prime example of a guy that started off as horrible and just clawed his way up to being a quite good wrestler that was popular as well.

He kind of had a gimmick change but it was really more that he turned face and got confidence. He hits a top rope clothesline to really take over as Dusty is having way too much fun here. DDP hooks a nice little rolling move as he’s improving at this point. To be fair though he was horrible before this so an improvement is hard to avoid. He had some flashes of good stuff though and you could see it here.

Not that we’ve been told this or anything as it’s all about the main event here even though we’ve already bought the PPV in theory so it’s not like it needs to be hyped or anything. In a nice move (again) he sets for a belly to back suplex but just spins him over so he lands face first. That was very nice. Chavo makes his comeback with really basic stuff and some jumping stuff but again he’s a relative rookie here so there we are.

He kind of messes up a hurricanrana but it wasn’t terrible I guess. And now we’re in the other ring and Tony actually asks if this could be a count out. That’s….actually an interesting question as they’re in a different ring but they’re still in a ring. The fans are rising up for rollups. That’s a good sign and then they cheer loudly for a Helicopter Bomb by DDP for two. In a creative ending, DDP stomps on Chavo’s foot and gets the Diamond Cutter to a NICE face pop. His turn was coming very soon.

Rating: C+. Nothing too special here but not bad at all. DDP was getting better and better every time he had a big match and this was one of them. He still wasn’t that good, but you could see a lot of promise in him. He had the good music and the great finisher so he was well on his way. Once he turned face though, it was all awesome as his feud with Savage was one of the highlights of WCW. We’ll get to that soon enough.

SPECIAL REPORT

Gene talks about the NWO and what they’ve done. Uh, why are we seeing this now? Why would we need to see this if we’ve bought the show already? Couldn’t there be a match in this time or something? It’s a GREAT video that explains the first few months of the angle perfectly, but why are we watching this now?

Ice Train vs. Scott Norton

This is a submission match. Again I have to ask WHY? Is there anyone that thinks we need to see two matches between these guys? I was a semi-mark for Ice Train though so I’m not completely furious. Teddy Long of all people is managing Ice Train. Has this guy ever not been on a roster somewhere? He’s FAT looking here which is just bizarre considering what he looks like now. Train works on the arm which makes sense at least.

Now he uses…let’s call it a chinlock and be nice. Tony points out that Norton is using the same move that another guy uses for a finisher which might be bad but I’m not sure. They need to pick a freaking body part and STICK WITH IT. Norton has worked the arm, the back and the neck and now the arm again. Teddy comes in and distracts and a full nelson ends Norton. At least it wasn’t that long.

Rating: F+. Seriously, THIS gets 7 minutes of PPV time? Why? Who thought this was a good use of PPV time? Having them do one match at Hog Wild at least made sense, but did we really need to see these two in a gimmick match, especially THIS gimmick? I don’t think so.

Mexican Heavyweight Title: Konnan vs. Juventud Guerrera

Ok a lot to talk about here. For one thing, the Mexican Heavyweight Title is the AAA Americas’ Title, a title that was a midcard title that Konnan was the first to win. He won it then bailed to WCW with it so they just didn’t talk about it any more. He’s also a heel now with the whole street thing going on and has joined the Dungeon of Doom so he has Jimmy Hart with him. As for Juvy, he’s brand new here, having been around about three weeks.

There was also an internet rumor that he was actually Sean Waltman under the mask which is about as bizarre of a story as I’ve ever heard of. He trips over the steps during his intro in a funny thing, so maybe there was a reason for that story after all. Oh yeah we actually have a match to do now. Konnan is now described as a big man. That’s just odd to hear. In a painful looking spot, Konnan picks him up and just drops him over the top to the floor.

Juvy goes to the other ring and hits a QUADRUPLE jump leg lariat to take over. Take that Sabu. This is back when Konnan was motivated and therefore was actually interesting to watch as well as entertaining. The commentary just stops for like 30 seconds. That was strange. I’m watching a WCW show where there is decent wrestling going on.

Never mind on that strange comment. Juvy is flying all over the place here and it’s surprisingly working for me. Tenay calls the rope the top strand. Ok then. They botch the heck out of a moonsault press. I’d put that on Konnan though as it looked fine but Konnan didn’t sell it at all. He hits a great powerbomb to make up for it I guess. There’s a good deal of sloppiness here but for the most part it’s working.

In a STUPID move, Juvy has him set for a top rope rana and instead just backflips off the top. Konnan hits a dropkick immediately as he lands which Juvy freaking deserves. Dang that looked stupid. The masked dude hits a springboard spinwheel kick which is one of my favorite moves. 450 hits for two. A corkscrew splash gets two as for some reason the crowd is dead all of a sudden. Konnan hits what we would call a Musclebuster for two and then a super powerbomb from the top for the pin.

Rating: B-. This gets a much better grade if not for the sloppiness. I thought it worked quite well though for what they were trying to do. This was another example of WCW throwing some people out there and seeing what they could do. On that level I would say it definitely worked. Again though, the constant botches were hurting it. There was some good stuff though so I’d say it was good.

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Yeah this works. Again you can see the solid lower and midcard guys having the best matches and then the main event stuff being pure drama that was epic. With this kind of combination, there was no chance for any other company to touch WCW. The announcers imply that Benoit could be the fourth WCW guy in case Sting has jumped.

Benoit uses the Liontamer (as in the more painful looking one) before Jericho adopted it which is very weird looking. Dusty thinks there could have been 20 men in that limo with Sting, somehow managing to rival the in ring match for entertainment value. It’s so weird seeing a motivated Jericho in WCW. He goes for a springboard move but lands BACK FIRST on the apron on the way down. Freaking OW.

You can see the star in Jericho begging to be let out. Sadly it would never happen in this company. Bobby says you can hear those chops in Vietnam. What’s in that cup he’s drinking? According to Joey Styles it was vodka so there we go. Benoit is a Horseman here so he’s incredibly popular as we’re in Horsemen country, which is always odd to me since they were the top heels in that area for the most time.

This is Jericho’s PPV debut so he’s brand new as well. Let the chopping begin! Heenan is a bit tipsy already I think. The headbutt hits but it’s more like a splash, which works just fine too. That’s a perk of having a move such as that as if it’s botched like that it still looks fine. Apparently he was going 65-70 miles an hour too. I love WCW commentary at times.

And of course we get a line about the Shell Answer Man which Tony of course tries to explain, going from entertaining to ARE YOU KIDDING ME mode in seconds. Jericho goes Canadian as Heenan makes the Shell joke again. Tombstone hits Benoit but the Lionsault doesn’t. Dusty makes the comment that Jericho would be a big star in WCW.

That’s one for two I guess, but he had an eye for talent at least. He also says Benoit is the best pound for pound athlete in WCW but forget the pound for pound aspect. Benoit hits a belly to back off the top to knock Jericho the heck out for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a very physical match that told a good story: Jericho is the rookie that has nothing at all to lose and Benoit is the hot young guy that is looking to make a statement. These two should have headlined a bunch of PPVs, but alas we got Hogan vs. Savage about a million times instead.

Both of these two wound up main eventing Wrestlemania though so I think they had what it took, despite the old guys saying otherwise. Anyway, this was a very good match, but seriously, did you expect anything else?

Cruiserweight Title: Super Calo vs. Rey Mysterio

Thankfully Tenay is here for this but his mic doesn’t work. That leaves Heenan and Dusty to make their bad jokes about nothing in particular. Calo always looked kind of fat to me for some reason. He’s listed at 200lbs but I have some issue with that. He has a backwards hat on but I think the sunglasses are painted on his mask. So he’s the Blue Meanie? Some idiot chants boring a minute into the match.

Apparently his name comes from a big rap group in Mexico. Ok then. Rey is more or less the king of the hurricanrana so that’s the majority of his offense. He does the 619 but it’s more or less a taunting thing at this point. Calo hits a slingshot powerbomb which is a cool looking move. Calo hits an overhead senton to the floor onto Rey who is down. FREAKING OW! Calo is dominating here which isn’t expected by either myself or Rey.

Someone must have slipped Heenan some coffee as he’s far more coherent all of a sudden. We hear about some Lucha de Apuestas matches which is a new one on me in WCW (meaning I’ve never heard them talked about, not that I don’t know what they are). Rey finally comes back but Calo hits a dropkick to block his springboard something. It’s been probably 90-10 Calo here as he’s dominated.

Rey hits an INSANE rana with like 4 different bounces and springboards in it. This is why Rey used to be my favorite wrestler. Rey gets a springboard sunset flip for two as Bobby keeps trying to talk about the NWO and is actually ignored for the most part. That’s a different one also. Finally Rey hits a double springboard into the West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was good but it went on WAY too long. This gets three minutes cut out and it’s way better. Calo was never really much of anything, but he’s another example of a guy that got a chance in WCW and since he was brand new to the American audience, he was considered cool because he wasn’t like what was being seen.

That’s the brilliance of Bischoff in the day: throw so much at them so fast they can’t tell if it’s good or bad. The ending was well thought out though so it worked. There’s your difference between Bischoff and Russo.

Tag Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Nasty Boys

Heat have the belts here. So we go from Benoit, Jericho and Mysterio to this. Ok then. We get clubbering as Dusty LOSES it. That was kind of funny. I had to do this match about 5 times in 94 and 95 so I really don’t care that much about it here. Double teaming allows the champions to take over. Knobbs and Stevie run the ropes and it’s painful to see. Knobbs is so out of shape it’s pathetic.

And let’s get a chinlock now because this match is so riveting otherwise. Also throughout the match Sherri and Colonel Parker keep interfering to get on my nerves. I’m just killing time here until we get to the next two matches as they’re the “meat” of the show with War Games and Savage vs. Giant. Why was Savage not thrown into War Games? They didn’t have a fourth guy and you have Randy Savage in a nothing match with the Giant?

Does this make anything resembling sense? Sags hits a piledriver which has Bobby freaking out over them using a move. That wasn’t a piledriver but whatever. Parker trips Sags up to switch momentum again and I just do not care at all. END THE FREAKING MATCH ALREADY!

It’s been ten minutes so far and it’s all brawling and stuff like that with a ton of interfering from the managers. END THIS. Knobbs gets like the 8th hot tag of the match and I’m barely paying attention at this point since the belts aren’t changing hands. FINALLY a cane shot from Booker to Knobbs ends this idiocy. Move on PLEASE.

Rating: F. Oh just no. Who thought that these guys deserved 15 minutes? This was just boring aand NO ONE cared at all. This was terrible and deserves to fail.

Savage guarantees he’ll beat the Giant and then beat Hogan at Halloween Havoc.

Randy Savage vs. The Giant

Savage is wearing a Nitro T-shirt. Great way to make your #1 contender look like a jobber. Giant still has the Dungeon of Doom music here. Tony and Bobby are just funny as far as the anti-NWO stuff goes. Savage wisely doesn’t let him get in the ring to start us off. And then he goes to the floor to fight. WHY DOES EVERYONE TRY TO SLAM BIG MEN? It’s A BODY SLAM.

It’s hardly some big epic move that’s going to kill someone or explode their kidneys. It’s a freaking body slam. Giant says he’s going to make Savage disappear. Is he a magician all of a sudden? Giant hooks a back breaker hold as all of the fans are looking at something more interesting. Even the announcers point it out. And now it’s a Boston Crab. Yes, a guy the size of the Giant is using Rick Martel’s hold.

Can we just get to War Games now? Savage actually slams him in the only power display I’ve ever seen from him. He hits the elbow and doesn’t cover to allow the storyline to go forward. And here’s Hogan who he chases after. Yep, Hall distracts him and Nash pops him with a chair. Beatdown commences, Nick Patrick sees nothing of course, and Giant gets a simple pin.

Rating: D. This was short and bad. At least it wasn’t that long and now we’re down to War Games so I can’t complain. This somehow was supposed to build up to Halloween Havoc but whatever. At least this wasn’t that long and now I’m repeating myself out of boredom. Considering how awesome the first hour and 45 minutes or so went, the last half hour has been AWFUL.

The cage is lowered. This is always cool.

Flair, Anderson and Luger say their usual stuff. Flair is asked who will be the fourth man but doesn’t say a name. He almost implies there won’t be a fourth. Anderson starts talking a bit, but here’s Sting. He says it wasn’t him and Luger says he looked him right in the eyes and knows it was him. Maybe he should have gotten his eyes checked. Sting says he’ll see Luger in awhile. Other than a promo the next night on Nitro, he wouldn’t speak again until January 98.

Before we get going, here are the rules. It’s 4 on 4 (although we don’t know who the fourth guy is for either team as Sting has apparently been thrown out). They both send in a man in each to begin for five minutes. At four minutes in there’s a coin toss (the heels literally never lost) to determine control.

After the first five minute period ends, the team that won the toss sends in its second man and they have a 2-1 advantage. This lasts two minutes and after that two minutes the losing team sends in its second man making it 2-2. They alternate for two minute periods until all 8 are in and then it’s first submission (no pins) wins.

War Games: Team NWO vs. Team WCW

So far it’s Hogan, Hall and Nash vs. Flair, Anderson and Luger. You know there’s a huge angle coming when Hogan, Hall, Nash and Giant vs. Flair, Anderson, Luger and Sting isn’t the best they can do. That’s a SICK sounding War Games when you think about it, but that’s not the best they can do. Scott Hall is first for the NWO and he has DiBiase with him. Anderson starts for WCW. That promo from Sting was the first time he had been seen in 6 days.

To be fair, maybe he couldn’t get a flight back from Japan. Maybe I should stop thinking about it so much. We keep hearing about how awesome the Horsemen are in this match. Did they ever win one? Hall beats him up to start. Well that went well. Dusty cheering for Anderson is just wrong on so many levels. Nick Patrick is the referee. Bobby freaks out over who the fourth man is for the NWO and how unfair it is for them not to tell WCW who the fourth man is.

Tony: they don’t know our fourth man either. Arn gets the figure four for like 3 seconds which is just odd. The problem is that Arn vs. Hall really isn’t that interesting of a match. The key thing here is that it looks like an awesome structure and it really is. Patrick threatens to end the match right now much to the announcers’ chagrins. We hit two minutes left. The NWO of course wins the coin toss.

There’s the spinebuster on Hall and then a half crab which Hall taps to. It’s Nash in second and after about 9 seconds Arn goes down to a big boot. Nash hits Snake Eyes, and he was the guy that actually gave it that name when he was Vinny Vegas back in the early 90s. Luger jumps the gun and they realize there’s nothing they can do about it so there we are. He’s wearing black boots which is kind of weird looking.

He beats up both Outsiders for awhile and Arn is back up now. There’s a formula to these matches and to be fair it worked so there was no real need to ever change it. Heenan points out that everyone should just come out here now. WCW dominates as we have 15 seconds left.

Hogan is 3rd so it’s the original three vs. Luger and Anderson. Hogan goes off on Arn which is a match that happened a lot on Nitro in 96 actually. The fans want Flair as Anderson is beating Hogan up. That’s a new one. Hogan drops the leg on Anderson and we’re still waiting on Flair. There he is to an ERUPTION. It’s North Carolina. Did you expect anything else?

Flair stays in the empty ring and calls out Hogan. Dusty then cracks me up to the point where I have to stop the video. “One on one, I don’t know if Hogan can beat Flair.” WOW. I don’t think Flair has ever beaten Hogan, but all of a sudden Hogan can’t beat him. That’s just hilarious. We go split screen when for once we actually should. Flair goes low on everyone and WCW is in control again.

“Sting” is the fourth man in the NWO. This became a running joke as there would be like a million fake Stings over the years, ranging from Chris Harris to guys as tall as Nash and somehow the announcers could never tell. There’s another referee in there now too. The fans, having basic intelligence and passable vision, of course get the idea as they chant WE WANT STING.

Another way to tell is that Sting has always had a very unique striking style. Pop in some Sting tapes and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Oh and Tony offers a pearl of wisdom by saying the one man advantage has been the deciding factor. The clock runs out and it’s the real Sting. His pop is better than Flair’s so take that for what it’s worth. He beats the living crap out of the NWO on his own and stares down Luger.

He leaves, asking if that’s good enough. The NWO destroys them afterwards with Sting putting on a Scorpion and Hogan making sure he gets some credit by throwing on a horrible front facelock for the “submission.” In a scary line, Heenan says that hold could make Luger lose the use of his legs, which of course he has in real life. Luger crawls towards the back, screaming for Sting.

And now he gets beaten up even worse. The Horsemen keep fighting but it’s 4-2 at this point so it doesn’t mean much. Savage runs out and he goes straight for Hogan. Hogan runs and here’s the Giant. The beatdown is on and it’s bad for Savage. Here’s Liz to do….something. She tries to cover up Savage and gets painted with the words 4 Life on her dress. I’m sure there’s a joke there.

The fans think he sucks and he wants a mic. He talks about how they said they would be together until death do them part and he says he’ll make that happen then SPITS ON LIZ. WOW. Yeah he’s eternally punished. Tony says this is the lowest WCW has ever reached. Oh you don’t want to go there dude.

This company had the Ding Dongs for crying out loud. Giant says he’s the best artist in the world. This needs to end. And now the NWO takes over the announce position in the middle of the announcers complaining about life in general. The show ended over ten minutes after the match ended.

Rating: C+. This match is about getting to the ending. The wrestling itself is just boring though. However, it’s War Games, which makes it awesome by association. The match was of course second to the ending but it worked out fine for what it was. This was about setting up Sting and the biggest angle in company history and it certainly worked in that regard. It built to that point so I can’t complain.

Overall Rating: B. Other than the AWFUL tag title match, there isn’t really anything that bad on here. There are a ton of good and entertaining matches in play here and every one of them worked just fine. Also, other than the Savage match and the submission match, everything here is at least thirteen minutes long.

They let the guys go out there and work and it came off very well. This would become the system used for a LONG time in WCW: awesome midcard, terrible main stuff and while it started out awesome, ultimately it ended WCW for reasons we’ll get to later. Overall though, very good show and well worth checking out. Just fast forward the tag title stuff.