I’ve wanted to do this for a long time and with the cage match on Smackdown this past week and the now annual Hell in a Cell PPV coming up soon it seemed like as good a time as any.

In short, gimmick matches are dying a slow death because they’ve lost almost all of their meaning. Let’s take a look back through time and I’ll show you what I’m talking about.

Let’s begin in the year 1980. Larry Zbyszko turned heel on his mentor Bruno Sammartino by leaving him laying in the middle of the ring after a chair shot. Throughout the rest of the year the two feuded around the northeast before they wound up in front of 36,000 people in Shea Stadium in a cage match, arguably the most famous of all time up to that point (Snuka vs. Muraco was three years later). Cage matches were always about the ending of a feud and would happen after a lot of regular matches weren’t enough to have a finish. These two had feuded for eight months and it lead them here, for the ultimate blowoff. After Larry controlled most of the match, Bruno made a comeback, beat Larry to a bloody pulp, kicked him in the head one last time and walked out to win the match.

Now let’s take a lok at a few things here and see why they made this a great match not only for the time but for all time. First and foremost, there was a great build to it. These guys had feuded all year and there was a reason for it: the student thought he had surpassed the teacher and tried to show he was better and now the teacher wanted revenge for being beaten. Second, it was violent. Larry and Bruno were both bleeding by the end of the match and the final kick to the head is a hard one, signifying that this is over in a brutal way.

Finally, and most importantly, Bruno didn’t pin him but rather left him laying and left. This means a lot more than a simple pin. You can get a pin on a fluke rollup. Bruno beat Larry so badly that Larry wasn’t able to get up and stop Bruno from walking across the cage and out of the door. It’s very symbolic too: one man, the better man, was able to leave the cage while the other was still inside. It gives a feeling of one man being better rather than one man simply pinning the other. We reach a new level of victory and defeat which is what should happen in a match with amplified brutality.

Flash forward with me now to July 4, 1987 and the first of the WarGames matches (trivia note: there were actually 27 WarGames matches (not counting the stupid 98 or 2000 versions). Only 8 of them aired on VHS or PPV. The rest, as in 19 of them, were all at house shows. Think that might draw a crowd today?). The idea is simple: it’s the ultimate in team warfare with originally five men per side (one each was a manager) and you enter at timed intervals. The only way to win was by submission and it was by nature incredibly violent and a bloodbath, especially the 1992 version which for my money is the definitive WarGames match. (If you haven’t seen a WarGames match, check out the first, the 1991 or the 1992 versions. The rest tend to suck and suck hard.) In short, more blood, more violence, more fun.

We now move forward to 1997. The Undertaker has lost the world title to Bret Hart at Summerslam 1997 due to a missed chair shot from Shawn Michaels. In short, the dead man isn’t happy and he wants to take out that anger on Shawn Michaels. Their first major match after this was at In Your House: Ground Zero which was the definition of a war. The referee was knocked out seconds into the match and Shawn tried to run.

The bell didn’t ring for 9 minutes after they started brawling and a total of five referees were used until it was finally thrown out. It took over 15 guys to stop Taker from killing Shawn until he debuted the Taker Dive and nearly destroyed him. This was about hatred and vengeance but Undertaker couldn’t get a clean shot at Shawn due to the constant interferences by DX and the annoying rules that say you can’t kill him. They offered a cage match but Shawn said something like “I’ve done cage matches. Don’t you have anything else?”

Enter Hell in a Cell, the mother of all gimmick matches. If you’ve somehow never seen one, it’s a massive cage that engulfs the ring, allowing room around it on the floor to walk on. The idea was simple: Shawn was entering a nightmare and had to face the Undertaker inside of it. What followed was thirty minutes of bloodshed, violence, brutality, Shawn running away and nothing being able to stop the Undertaker. The match is an undeniable classic and is one of the most violent matches you’ll ever see in a wrestling ring.

Flash forward about 9 months to King of the Ring and the second (important) Hell in a Cell match, this time involving the Undertaker and Mankind. These two had feuded on and off for two years, involving all kinds of brutal fights and betrayals all around. This was a new take on the Cell, in that instead of being trapped inside it was there to attempt to contain the violence. Much like the old cage matches, the idea was to have one person enter and one person leave.

The match began on the roof of the Cell and a few minutes in, Mankind went flying off the top in probably the most repeated clip in company history. Some people fairly believed he may be dead. That of course didn’t end the match as they went back up to the top of the cage and Mankind was chokeslammed through the top, having a chair fall through and hit him on the way down. They somehow managed almost ten more minutes of brutality involving chairs and thumbtacks. In the dressing room after the match, Foley asked Undertaker if he got to use the tacks. Taker told Foley to look at his arm which was full of them.

This gives you two working http://onhealthy.net/product-category/antifungals/ definitions of what the Cell can be used for: we have either the idea of trapping someone in it or the ultimate in brutality. Those were the original two matches and there was a logical story behind both of them. And then it all fell apart. Following those two matches, the vast majority of Hell in a Cell matches were put on for the sake of a cage match and not having anywhere near as solid of a story behind them or time to build up to them. In 2009 WWE began airing the Hell in a Cell PPV, which we’ll get to later on in this.

On the other side of the gimmick spectrum, we have the ladder match. Beginning in 1972 (yes 1972 in Canada), the idea was that you have something, usually a title, put above the ring and the only way to get it is by climbing up a ladder. We’ll skip ahead 22 years to the first well known ladder match at Wrestlemania X between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon (yes I know about the 92 one with Shawn vs. Bret). The idea was that Shawn had been suspended while Intercontinental Champion. Ramon had won the vacant title but Shawn came back with the original belt, claiming to be champion. The answer to the problem: put both belts above the ring and let the first person to grab them be declared undisputed champion.

The match is a well known classic that I’m sure most of you have seen at least once. It’s brutal, filled with drama, still a classic and is considered one of the best matches ever. The key to it though was that there was a story behind it and the match was more about showcasing their abilities rather than the brutality in the match. This is far different than what is usually seen in cage matches as it’s designed for smaller and lighter guys who can use the ladders for better and more spectacular moves.

There was a rematch a year and a half later and then there wasn’t a televised ladder match for over three years. After a classic one (also at Summerslam in Madison Square Garden between HHH and Rock) the floodgates began to open. After one in three years, the next ladder match was three months later. The one after that was only two and a half months later in February of 99. Since then there has been two years, 2004 and 2008, that didn’t have at least two ladder matches in a single year (2006 had four ladder matches, all after August 14 or about one every 40 days). This isn’t counting TLC matches or MITB matches. After having six from 1992 – 1998 (less than one a year), counting three on house shows there have been a total of 36 since, or 3 a year (again not counting MITB or TLC).

If you think that’s bad, TNA is even worse. Not counting King of the Mountain, TNA has had 35 in 9 years or almost four a year. For those curious, WCW’s first was in January 1997 and they had ten total with the last coming in December of 2000, or approximately 2.5 a year.

All of these stats hold true for almost any gimmick match you prefer: last man standing, hardcore/street fight, Ultimate X (26 of those in 9 years or about one every 4 months), TLC matches, MITB matches and I could go on and on. The problem in short is that gimmick matches have become so watered down and overused that they almost mean nothing anymore. A gimmick match is designed to be special and rare, not something you have three or four of a year. It’s the concept of absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Today we have a Hell in a Cell PPV, a MITB PPV, a TLC PPV, an Elimination Chamber PPV and a PPV called Extreme Rules which is all gimmick matches. In July, TNA threw an Ultimate X match on TV with no hype, no build and no particular reason for the match. WWE does this as well, such as with the cage match between Chrstian and Alberto Del Rio a few months ago on Smackdown. Jeff Hardy and when he was still active Edge would have TLC matches or ladder matches simply because they were known for having such matches. The matches sometimes are good, but there’s no reason to get involved in the matches as fans or to be excited going into them. With the right kind of build, these matches can be far more exciting than they currently are.

Anymore the gimmick matches happen because the calendars call for it. Look at the current feuds in WWE and other than maybe Orton vs. Christian, is there anything that seems like it would fit in the Cell? HHH vs. Punk maybe, but it’s not like a single PPV match and a bunch of talking validates going into the Cell. With Orton vs. Christian, Orton has dominated Christian so much that putting them in the Cell to have him do it again would miss the point of the match entirely. There’s not really a valid reason to put Cena and Punk in the Cell either. Violence isn’t what fits those two as it’s been more of a “can you top this” feud, making last man standing or iron man more appropriate stipulations.

In summation, gimmick matches mean a lot less now because they’ve been done too often. We don’t see great cage matches or last man standing matches or ladder matches anymore because we see them so often that they don’t have the same pop to them. The schedule making the gimmicks instead of the feuds making the gimmicks also cripples things, as there’s no way for the feuds to end in a major gimmick match as we can’t have Hell in a Cell in say June because the Hell in a Cell PPV is in October. Until these changes are made, gimmick matches will become more and more worthless every year, meaning more and more will be thrown on the cards until they lose the value they have already. It’s another one of those things that Russo put into place and it’s hurting business more and more every day.

Uncensored 1997
Date: March 16, 1997
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Attendance: 9,285
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes, Bobby Heenan

This show is known for two reasons: the main event and what happens after the main event. This show is kind of a mixed bag as far as continuations of old stuff and new stuff being added. The card looks interesting at least, including one of the most tricked out main events you’ll ever find which will take a few paragraphs to recap alone before we even get to the twenty minutes it runs. Let’s get to it.

The opening video runs down the card which more or less says that there are all gimmick matches tonight.

Dennis Rodman is here tonight and we run down the stipulations for the main event tonight which is one of the most complicated matches you’ll ever see. Ok might as well get it out of the way now.

I’ll spare the rules for later but the stipulations are that if Team WCW (Giant, Luger, Steiners) wins, the NWO lost all of its titles and all of the NWO couldn’t wrestle for three years. That’s just comical. If Team Piper (Piper, Benoit, Mongo and Jarrett, with the Horsemen replacing two real fighters and John Tenta in a HUGE mess of an angle) wins Piper gets Hogan in a cage eventually and if Team NWO (Hogan, Hall, Nash, Savage) wins they get a title shot they get to pick whenever they say so.

NOW we get to the show.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is due to Eddie costing Dean the Cruiserweight Title last month. Think this one will be awesome? Fast paced stuff to start as Dean hits a shoulder to send Eddie to the floor. Dean stomps a mudhole (Dusty’s word) into Eddie and adds a suplex so he can yell at Eddie a bit. Dean is all ticked off here and it’s kind of awesome. This is no DQ apparently. Eddie gets all aggressive too and is loudly booed, I guess making him the heel here.

Dean locks on a half crab as we cut to the back to see the NWO standing over an unconscious Rick Steiner. At least we didn’t miss anything as Dean has the hold on still. He shifts it back into almost a half Liontamer as we confirm it was Rick. Dean throws him over the top which isn’t a DQ here as we change the rules again. Despite Eddie being the default heel here, Dean grabs the belt for a shot with it and is booed as well.

Rock Bottom out of nowhere takes Dean down as does a dropkick to the knee. Eddie works over the knee with a shot from the top and a hilo down onto it. We hit the leg lock as Eddie controls some more. STF now as Rick is taken out on a stretcher and into an ambulance. The NWO stands behind him and pretends to care in a nice jerk moment. Out to the floor as Dean is in real trouble.

Figure Four goes on and Eddie actually grabs the ropes. I guess this is around the time he turned heel. Dean tries to speed things up a bit and fails completely. Hilo misses but a baseball slide sends Dean into the railing. Eddie tries a HUGE dive but gets sent into the railing chest first.

They chop it out and Eddie gets a backbreaker and powerbomb for two each. They speed it up and do some technical stuff so Dean kicks him low for two. Nice guy that Dean. Powerslam by Dean for two and he hits Eddie with a Frog Splash but pulls Eddie up in a rather stupid move. More technical and speed stuff results in a German to Eddie for two.

Tornado DDT puts Dean down as this is a very back and forth match. Eddie tries to pay Dean back with the Texas Cloverleaf and there it is. Here comes Syxx with his camera because one NWO instance during the match wasn’t enough I guess. He tries to steal the belt so Eddie goes after him. Dean gets the camera, the camera goes upside Eddie’s head and Dean is US Champion.

Rating: B+. Great match until the ending which makes the whole thing about Syxx instead of the great match which is another example of what was wrong with WCW: there was no payoff to the 20 minutes of wrestling because the NWO becomes the focus of things again. Oh well. Eddie vs. Dean for twenty minutes is hard to complain about and this was no exception as far as great matches go.

Piper rants about the main event and saying he shouldn’t have to do that to get a cage match with Hogan. Apparently Rodman wanted to try on the kilt with Piper still in it. Piper is either insane or coked out of his mind. You figure out which. The Horsemen pop up and they all say they’re awesome while Piper makes gay jokes about Rodman.

Psychosis vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon is awesome and heel here while Psychosis is still masked and no slouch in his own right. Just a random match here with no feud that I can think of or title mentioned at all. The graphic of course says Ultimate Dragon because WCW doesn’t have much intelligence. Tenay sits in on commentary for this thank goodness. STF by Dragon doesn’t last long as this is all technical stuff of course.

Ton of technical stuff (standard with Crusierweights) results in a standoff as we hear that they’ve never fought before. Tenay is so much better as an expert it’s unreal. Dragon fires off his kicks and it’s off to a leg lock. That lasts a few seconds and Psychosis gets a dropkick for two. There’s Dragon’s headstand in the corner which is always cool to see.

Enziguri sets up a camel clutch by Dragon to slow things down a bit. That gets reversed into one by the psycho dude. Guillotine leg drop mostly hits but I guess that wasn’t his finisher yet I guess so Dragon kicks out at two. We get some weird references to Dusty training in Mexico which sounds like an inside joke of some sort. No gimmick to this match I don’t think.

We hear the story about Dragon being the last protégé of Bruce Lee, which would mean he was a protégé before he turned seven years old. I know he’s good but that’s a stretch even for WCW. Belly to back puts both guys down. Something like a Whisper in the Wind sends Dragon to the floor so Psychosis can hit a bit dive over the top to the floor. Dragon hits a Tajiri elbow on the floor and his namesake Asai moonsault to kill Psychosis again.

Sonny adds in a kick on the floor and Dragon hits a Lionsault for two. Pinfall reversal sequence gets two for Psychosis and La Magistrol gets two for Dragon. Let’s talk about the NWO a bit as it’s super rana time. We get what was either a goardbuster or a botched superplex off the top depending on who you think was in control. Psychosis gets a top rope rana for two and Dragon gets a Liger Bomb for no cover. Tornado DDT (kind of) sets up a tiger suplex to give Dragon the pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but the pacing was all off. There really wasn’t a buildup to an ending or a segment where they had anything set up for psychology. Not a bad match or anything but at the same time just kind of there. The lack of story or title aspect hurt it a lot as well. The last two or three minutes were rather awkward also as this needed to be about three minutes shorter.

Here’s DDP who is the hottest thing in wrestling at this point so of course he isn’t on the card. His feud with Savage was just starting which is the one that more or less made him a legit guy in the ring and not just with the fans. Gene asks if Page is going to be subbing for Rick, but that would make far too much sense in WCW so we’re not going to do that. Instead Page challenges Savage again.

Savage and Liz pop up near the announce booth and Savage says he respects Page because his wife is in Playboy. Always thought it was Penthouse. I don’t think it had been revealed that Kimberly was Page’s wife yet so this was pretty shocking stuff. The good stuff is spraypainted of course and here’s Kimberly, also covered in paint. Savage jumps Page and there’s some paint for him as well. They would feud for nearly a year over this.

Glacier vs. Mortis

Martial arts match here. Mortis is more commonly known as Kanyon and has James Vanderberg (Mitchell) with him. It’s Mortis’ debut. Mortis, the guy in skull-based attire, shouts with a New York accent, completely destroying his mystique quickly. Glacier yells about getting kicked in the ear as this is a wrestling match rather than a martial arts match.

Glacier kicks Mortis. A lot. Vanderberg pulls Glacier off of him which isn’t a DQ somehow. Mortis uses his legit innovative offense such as a Fameasser for two. A second attempt is countered into a powerbomb and both guys are down. Vanderberg shouts to Mortis to REMEMBER TAIPEI which was never explained of course. More kicks by Glacier and both guys are down.

Mortis gets crotched on the top and a superplex gets two. Northern lights suplex with a cradle gets two for Mortis as this referee is annoyingly slow by comparison to the guys in the ring. Mortis pulls the referee in front of Glacier’s superkick finisher and gets one of his own for two. Vanderberg gets on the apron and the distraction totally fails, allowing Glacier to hit the aforementioned kick for the pin.

Rating: C. This was definitely the best match they had in their seemingly never ending series. Pretty decent match here as they moved rather quickly in there. The overacting and the lack of anything definitive as far as the story went got really old eventually. Not terrible though and the pacing was good.

Post match Wrath debuts and beats up Glacier.

We see the video of the Outsiders running the Steiners off the road and wrecking their car. You know, because attempted vehicular homicide airing on national television is all cool right?

Buff Bagwell vs. Scotty Riggs

Strap match of the four corner variety here. Bagwell says he doesn’t care if he loses this match on the way to the ring. Fine example of the stuff that’s wrong with WCW right there. Riggs whips him a few times but Bagwell hits the floor as the strap isn’t hooked up yet. Bagwell gets crotched and whipped a lot. Riggs slides between Buff’s legs and the balls are abused again. Somehow that all took nearly five minutes.

Bagwell takes over and mugs/talks to the camera a lot. He literally stops for about 15 seconds to talk at times. Dude, get on with the boring match already! This is one of those terrible matches where nothing at all of note is going on as Buff is clearly going to win and no one cares in the slightest. Buff again says he doesn’t care who wins this.

Dusty says this is brutal. Yeah it is but I don’t think it’s in the same way that Dusty means. Bagwell makes him do the American Males Clap and it’s as stupid as it sounds. They keep talking about a bag of cement as some kind of a joke which isn’t funny in the slightest. This is killing the crowd too. The referee shoves Bagwell down in a comedy spot that isn’t funny. Blockbuster doesn’t work so Riggs whips Bagwell a bit. Powerbomb puts Buff down as does a missile dropkick. Riggs gets three buckles and that more or less ends his offense. Bagwell hangs him and the four corners end this.

Rating: F+. First of all, this was terribly, and I do mean terribly boring. Second, what in the world was the point in this being a strap match? There was no way that Riggs was winning this and everyone knew it. The solution? Give them thirteen minutes to prove that Bagwell was going to win. Weak match and that’s putting it very mildly.

The NWO looks at the Playboy and guarantee victory. Rodman is talked about incessantly.

Public Enemy vs. Harlem Heat

This is for the #1 contender spot which meant nothing because it’s not like the Outsiders ever wrestled. Oh and this is Texas Tornado rules. In essence this is a street fight and the weapons are in as soon as the bell rings. This is one of those brawls where they’re going to beat on each other for a good while until they get tired and then it drags for awhile until we get to the ending.

The white guys beat up Stevie until Booker makes the save. Booker actually gets two on Grunge. Extension cord comes in and Rock accidentally hits Grunge. Various comedy weapons are brought in and this is going nowhere for the most part. Dusty laughs a lot at stuff that really isn’t funny. The guy enjoyed his work to be sure.

There’s a toilet seat in there which is the main focus of the “comedy” here. The announcers don’t pay a bit of attention here as you would expect. Sherri helps a bit and Dusty loses whatever he had left. More weapon shots and choking follow as it occurs to me that Sherri and Public Enemy are all dead. That’s a rather saddening thought. Dusty freaks over a pizza pan being brought in.

Grunge gets crotched as we hit the slow down period. We get a shot of Sherri hitting Rock so we shift to a camera view where we can’t see anything but the ring because I guess a woman hitting a man hurts the southern mentality or whatever. There was a low blow in there somewhere and Dusty cracks up over it.

There’s a purse brought in with some form of electronics in it. Rocket Launcher gets two on Grunge. Sherri gets rammed into the railing and Booker goes through a table. Here are Mongo and Jarrett for no apparent reason. Ah apparently Heat is replacing them. Briefcase to Grunge sets up the Harlem Hangover to end this after FAR too long.

Rating: D+. This was your standard wild brawl that wasn’t really wild and wasn’t anything resembling good but it’s not terrible for a toss your brain out and let them destroy each other fight. It definitely got far too tedious more than once but these can be entertaining if they don’t go too long. This went too long but was still kind of entertaining so points for that I suppose.

Gene talks to Team WCW and explains the rules again, this time saying that the NWO would have full power, not just having the right to challenge for a title. Scott says he has more incentive now, Giant says it’s time for spring cleaning and that his team is awesome. Lex plays up the whole social clash/honor etc which Austin vs. Hart were doing far better at the time.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Rey Mysterio

This is a rematch from last month. Rey takes over to start and hits a front flip off a springboard for two. This is an extended fifteen minute time limit instead of the usual ten. The same move as he hit off the springboard hits over the top and it’s all Rey so far. The announcers talk about how Rey and Dean are moving up the ladder and it’s so funny to think that’s going to mean anything in the long run.

Prince hits a springboard dive and based on the crowd you would have thought that he ran his hand through his hair. Back in the ring Rey gets a middle rope bulldog for two. The fans flat out do not care. Quebrada (Mike said it, not me) gets two for Rey. Sunset flip off the middle rope gets the same. Rey tries to get the crowd into it and it doesn’t work in the slightest.

A senton (backsplash, not bomb) misses and Prince takes over with his, ahem, REALLY FREAKING BORING offense. The problem with him is rather obvious quickly: there is absolutely nothing unique about him in the slightest. He’s Samoan, average size, average weight, no special moves or anything at all like that. And yet somehow he’s TV Champion. Iaukea can’t get a springboard cross body as Rey counters with a dropkick. The Prince accidentally low blows Rey as things somehow get even slower.

They both try dropkicks and are both down again. Rey gets a headscissors for the first interesting move in far too long. Whisper in the Wind takes Prince down and the clock runs out after about 12 minutes. Rey wants to keep going, Prince says you’re on and here we go. No mention of how long this is as Heenan isn’t sure either. Rey gets a springboard enziguri and drops the dime for two. West Coast Pop is set up but Prince rolls through into a sunset flip to retain. So uh….the point to the extra time was what exactly?

Rating: D. Rey was great at this point but he wasn’t a miracle worker. Whoever thought Prince was worth anything was pretty freaking stupid to say the least. He would FINALLY lose the title about a month later to Regal and then would go away for a good while until coming back as the Artist and win the Cruiserweight Title when no one cared again.

Ad for the NEW show, Spring Stampede. By new they mean not since 1994 when they had the first one. Horsemen are featured in a cowboy thing which is kind of a cool idea.

Team WCW vs. Team NWO vs. Team Piper

WCW: Giant, Lex Luger, Scott Steiner
NWO: Hall, Nash, Hogan, Savage
Piper: Piper, McMichael, Jarrett, Benoit

This is kind of like a cross between WarGames and a battle royal. You have three guys start and go five minutes. Then after two minutes we get another man from each team (Team WCW will miss an entry due to Rick going on and they weren’t smart enough to have Page fill in). It’s elimination style, which means we don’t have to deal with 11 guys in the ring at once. You can put someone out via pin, submission, knockout and over the top.

If Team WCW wins, the NWO is stripped of all titles and can’t wrestle for 3 years. If Team Piper wins, Piper gets Hogan in a cage at a time to be announced. If Team NWO wins, they more or less have carte blanche (Previously they would have gotten a title shot anywhere anytime, kind of like Money in the Bank). They change that back to the MITB thing but it would ultimately be the free reign thing.

Benoit, Hall and Giant start us off. They’re not at ringside which is kind of stupid as you would be able to jump them as they come out in theory no? Benoit jumps Hall before Giant gets there. Not that we can see that as we need to see Giant’s very slow walk to the ring instead. Giant gets in very slowly which is rather smart before taking them both down with a clothesline.

Benoit tries to chop away and it doesn’t work at all. It’s almost hard to believe that Benoit would be world champion before Hall. Basically this is Giant and two other guys in there as he keeps dominating the entire time. Elbow drop on Hall so Benoit tries to jump Giant. No real attempts to throw anyone out but since you can win by pinfall that’s ok.

Sleeper doesn’t work for Hall and Giant gets a huge chokeslam to Benoit for only two. Hall saves, I guess out of fear of fighting Giant one on one. Giant busts out the claw of all things but a corner splash misses and Giant is gone first! That leaves two guys for Team WCW. The clock runs out on the first period and it’s Jarrett, Randy Savage and Luger. That puts five guys in the ring at the moment if you’re keeping score.

It’s more or less a battle royal at this point as Luger can’t gorilla press Savage out. Jeff avoids a Razor’s Edge and here come Mongo, Nash and Scott Steiner. No real effort to put anyone out right now as everyone is really just beating on each other. Belly to belly puts Nash down as we only have Hogan and Piper left. Nash gets a big boot and clothesline to Jarrett and he’s out. Jeff that is. Mongo gets backdropped out so Team Piper has just Benoit and Piper left.

Here are Hogan and Piper so everyone is out there now. Nash gets a big boot to Steiner to knock him out so Luger is all that’s left for WCW, Piper and Benoit for Piper and all of the NWO is left. Wait where’s Hogan? What a shock he’s going to come out last isn’t he? Oh there he is with Dennis Rodman. Piper is on the floor but not out. Scratch that as he’s back now. Seven people in at the moment.

Hogan, Piper and Savage are on the floor with Hogan kind of chilling and Piper choking Savage. The Outsiders beat up Benoit and everyone is finally in there at the same time. Hogan throws Piper through the ropes and they brawl on the floor a bit. After Savage jumps them in the aisle everyone goes back to the ring. In a HORRIBLY stupid looking moment, Piper is sent into the ropes but Rodman pulls it down to put him out. This would have looked passable if Piper didn’t JUMP OVER THE ROPE BEFORE IT WAS PULLED DOWN. And people wonder why they went out of business.

They keep brawling on the floor anyway and Savage helps as it’s the Outsider Edge for Benoit. The tag champs toss him out and Team Piper is gone. Luger is the only one left for WCW and he’s against technically five guys counting Rodman. The NWO literally stands around for a minute and a half posing before Nash sets him up for a powerbomb.

Luger escapes and racks Savage, clotheslines Nash and racks Hall to eliminate all three in under thirty seconds. And never mind as when he goes to rack Hogan, Savage gets the spraypaint from Rodman and pops Luger in the face with it so Hogan can get the winning pin. The NWO won a big match. I’m shocked too.

Rating: B-. The match was actually pretty good as it didn’t really get stupid and for a big multi-man tag, this actually worked. I fail to see why Rick wasn’t out there but still, pretty good stuff. The ending was obvious but it doesn’t ever drag, the stuff they did made perfect sense the entire time and it was kind of interesting. Shockingly good main event.

Now it’s time for the REAL reason to watch this show as the NWO gets out of the ring and STING comes down from the ceiling. Up to this point it was unclear as to which side he was on. Sting drills the NWO with the bat and the place ERUPTS. Scorpion Death Drops all around and it’s only Hogan left. Hogan gets all fired up and Sting points the bat at him. Hogan says he’ll kill him if he puts the bat down so Sting drops it.

Here comes Hogan and he actually gets in the ring. Sting turns his back to him so he can actually get a free shot which Sting completely no sells. Hogan gets drilled and put out with the Scorpion as the fans lose their freaking minds to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Definitely not the worst show ever and by far and away the best Uncensored of all time at this point. The ending is totally awesome as we shift from the Piper vs. Hogan stuff to Hogan vs. Sting which would be the primary feud the entire year. You can really see that the non-NWO stuff isn’t given much thought at all and it’s far more on the wrestlers to do things themselves, which is fine but interesting to see. Anyway, better show than expected but it does drag at times.

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 1, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

No we’re NOT IN ORLANDO TONIGHT! This should be a nice change of pace and it’s always interesting to see the difference between a burned out crowd as the Orlando fans are as opposed to see a fresh group of people seeing it. We get some more building towards No Surrender and it might be the last night of the BFG Series. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Hogan to open the show and threaten to get in a fight with a fan in the front row. He talks about how the Network has approved Sting’s request for a match with Flair which will be in two weeks on the 15^th. If Sting wins, it’s Hogan vs. Sting (no date mentioned but Sting said BFG and I can’t imagine it would be any other date) but if Flair wins Sting has to retire. He says it’s time for the Network to start bowing to Hogan instead of the other way.

Here’s Kurt and Hogan apologizes for Dixie screwing him over. Carter can never run things again so tonight it’s Angle vs. Sting so that Angle can cut the cancer out of TNA once and for all. Angle says all of Hogan’s enemies are now his enemies. He promised to take out all of the young guys and would be glad to add a veteran to it.

This brings out Sting who does his usual insane stuff. He’s willing to fight Angle tonight because he wants to I guess. Sting is happy to face Angle so he can move onto Flair and then the big prize of Hogan. Once he beats Hogan, the evil will leave Hogan. Sting goes to leave but Hogan says cut the music. Hogan thinks there’s something going on so Hogan is the guest enforcer.

We get a clip of Crimson being beaten down by Joe and having his leg broken last week. He’s officially out of the BFG Series.

Ray talks about being in the Final Four of the BFG Series and says the title is next.

Roode talks about working his entire career to gethere.

Storm talks about wanting it more than anyone else.

Bound For Glory Series: Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam

For all intents and purposes, the winner is the fourth man. Everyone else is mathematically eliminated and I’m not going to bother listing off the points tonight. It almost has to be Rob going but that would make too much sense so I’m not sure. Joe comes out almost immediately and Morgan jumps up to stop him. Joe kicks him in the balls but security sends him out.

After that we’re back to the match at hand and there’s not much going on. Gunner gets a slingshot suplex but Rob almost rolls out of it. Rob fires off some kicks and hits the Rolling Thunder. Here’s Jerry Lynn but Rob sends him to the back which is probably smart. Rob actually shows some intelligence and doesn’t try to go for the Five Star after being on the floor for a bit.

They trade rollups and Rob falls off the top trying to hit the one footed kick. Rob goes up again but Lynn comes back and shoves him off the top, allowing Gunner to hit a running knee for the pin at 4:57. Lynn’s smile is pretty awesome. This also puts Gunner into the four way at No Surrender as the fourth man.

Rating: C. The match was so-so but the point of this is it sets up a few stories and potential matches. I’m hoping they save RVD vs. Lynn for Philadelphia because it’ll guarantee a huge response no matter what the match looks like. I’m not sure I get why Gunner is going to be in the four way but it’s better than some other choices. At least they seem to have a plan here, which is a big upgrade for them.

Angle vs. Sting is for the world title. I didn’t realize that.

All of the Knockouts are coming to the ring for the announcement about Knockout Law.

After a break here are Eric and Traci for the announcement. Eric praises the Knockouts but then says at the end of the day, they’re still women, meaning they can’t stay focused and are always whining. Traci came to him and offered to lead the Knockouts and more sex is implied. However, Traci isn’t in charge. Karen is and Traci is MAD. Karen has her own music which is an upbeat version of Jeff’s without lyrics.

Karen says the difference between her and the rest of them is she’s a lady. They have to respect her as well. First of all, ODB and Jackie have contracts. Dang it dang it DANG IT. Traci will still have a job, beneath Karen. You can form your own visuals on that one. She’ll be Karen’s assistant, meaning servant for the most part. Tessmacher looks at her bad and is threatened with being fired and sent back to the cabaret.

During the break Winter and Mickie had a staredown and Mickie shoved her, resulting in a catfight.

Jesse Sorensen/Brian Kendrick vs. Kid Kash/Austin Aries

Aries vs. Kendrick at the PPV. Kendrick vs. Kash to start with Kendrick moving way faster than Kash. Arm drag brings in Sorensen who hits a nice dropkick and grabs an armbar. Aries comes in for a bit and is out just as fast. The heels don’t seem to get along but they manage to keep Sorensen in trouble for a bit. He hits a foot to each of their chests and there’s the moderately hot tag to Kendrick.

He kicks both of them and it’s off to Sorensen who gets crotched and almost superplexed. Tower of Doom hits as we go old school X-Division. Sorensen looks dead but manages to send Kash to the floor. Aries hits a suicide dive on Jesse and celebrates a lot. Kendrick is like the chipmunk has pneumonia and takes Aries out. Back inside Kash hits a top rope clothesline and a release suplex to set up a powerbomb but Sorensen rolls him up for the pin at 5:10.

Rating: C+. They packed a lot of stuff in here but it was cool to see an old Cruiserweight style match. It advances both feuds but it’s still nothing I’m dying to see either way. It’s not great but for what it was supposed to be, which was just a five minute match to have Aries vs. Kendrick for a bit, this was fine.

We get a video on Winter and Angelina which was thankfully changed around a lot to keep it from getting way too creepy. Now they’re just vampires which is a lot better than what it could have been.

Winter talks to Angelina about having other lives again. Winter promises to suck the life out of Mickie and the two of them will feast on her bones.

Mickie is tired of the voodoo nonsense. She’s going to wrestle tonight, so Winter needs to bring her A-game.

Video on Jeff Hardy and we actually have the Victory Road incident referenced.

Angle is having coffee and Hogan comes in to yell. He wants Angle to come to New York and take care of the Network, specifically saying kill them. Angle isn’t happy. Hardy gets to have a live mic next week. Oh dear.

Knockouts Title: Winter vs. Mickie James

Mickie goes nuts on her to start and grabs a rollup for two. Angelina tries to throw the belt in and gets ejected. Mickie grabs a half crab and Tazz says it’s very hard to get out of. Less than 3 seconds later Winter grabs the rope and is out of it. Great analysis there Brooklyn dude. Mickie has dominated most of this. The jumping DDT is avoided and both grab the other by the hair and slam them into the mat.

Winter tries that spinning slam but Mickie gets some elbows in and a rollup gets two for each chick. A slow jumping DDT hits for Mickie but Winter gets her foot under the ropes. I’m really glad that wasn’t the ending as it would have looked bad. Enziguri puts Mickie down for two. Winter tries to choke Mickie with something but Hebner makes the save. Mickie kicks Winter upside her head and gets the title back at 6:00.

Rating: D+. This got sloppy in some places like Mickie intentionally having to cover Winter weird so she could get the foot on the ropes. I cannot stand stuff like that because it looks so fake and totally takes the drama out of a near fall. I also don’t get the point in putting the title right back on Mickie after Winter had it for just a few weeks but since this is TNA, I’m sure the answer is “GIVE IT MORE TIME.”

Video on Styles vs. Daniels which is basically Daniels wondering if it’s worth it anymore and wanting one more match to prove it to himself and the fans.

Here’s Morgan to rant about Joe. He says it’s one thing to go after everyone else but now he went suicidal by attacking the Blueprint. He wants a referee too. Joe comes out and beats up the referee and the fight is on. Morgan slugs away and Joe goes for his eyes. Morgan escapes that arm drop move Joe has been using and hammers away.

There are the elbows in the corner and a running Umaga shot in the corner. Joe bails to the floor but pulls the tall guy with him. Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint but steps on the steps too much, letting Joe know he’s coming. Joe kicks him in the little blueprints and cracks Morgan with a chair to leave him laying. Morgan tries to get up and Joe cracks the arm with a chair against the post, trying to reinjure the torn pec.

Robbie E talks to Rob Terry again and is interrupted by Eric Young. They talk about working out and THE TV TITLE WILL BE DEFENDED NEXT WEEK!!!!! I need my medicine!

Styles and Daniels say it’s time for the last match. They talk about someone coming back again but don’t say who.

Hogan is mad about Hardy coming back and tells Immortal about it. Abyss is standing off in the back and isn’t happy it seems. Hogan talks about how the deck is stacked against Sting tonight and implies that he’ll be calling the rest of Immortal out to help Angle in the main event.

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels

Back and forth stuff to start as they know each other so well. Daniels works a headlock which gets him nowhere. A big knee drop gets one for AJ. They go to the floor for a bit and AJ gets a bridging inverted chinlock (that Benoit submission that needs a name) and a gutbuster/backbreaker combo for two. Running STO gets two for Daniels but AJ hits the springboard forearm for two.

This has been very back and forth which makes sense given their history. They strike it out and AJ hits a Pele to send Daniels flying. The backflip into the reverse DDT is blocked and Daniels tries a moonsault (not the BME) which gets knees. AJ tries a springboard something and falls, letting Daniels grab the pin at 7:20.

Rating: B-. The match was good but the ending was designed to look like a botch and Daniels stole the pin. That’s perfectly fine if it leads to Daniels turning which he needs to do badly. It came off like he won on a fluke, which is he celebrates as a legit win will be perfect. It kind of cut the match off out of nowhere, but that’s what needed to happen. This was pretty good overall and the psychology was on.

Post match Daniels won’t shake his hand and is all happy that he finally won. It’s about time he turned.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Hogan is guest enforcer on the outside. Sting has blue on his singlet tonight. They speed things up to start and Sting controls, sending Angle to the floor for a breather. Back in Kurt takes over and grabs a sleeper which doesn’t last long as Sting gets a belly to back. Angle snaps off a German for two but Sting grabs the Death Drop for the same.

Kurt grabs the ankle lock but Sting is able to escape. Angle gets all ticked off but charges into a big boot. There’s the Scorpion with Kurt tapping and Hogan calls out the troops, distracting the referee. Gunner runs down with a chair but the referee takes it from him. Hogan uses the distraction to pop Sting in the chest with a chair and that does nothing. Sting Hulks Up but gets caught in an Angle Slam onto the chair for the pin at 6:35.

Rating: C. This was their usual stuff played at fast forward. The problem of the time not being there for the main event comes into play again as this main evented a PPV a few weeks ago and now there isn’t even seven minutes to give to them. Not anything of note here but I guess it advances Sting vs. Hogan a bit.

Post match Sting gets up again but all of Immortal comes out for the beatdown. Anderson runs out with a bat and cleans house.

Overall Rating: C-. It really is amazing how the crowd being fresh can make a difference. They felt alive tonight and the look of the arena was much better. It felt more professional rather than second rate like they usually do in Orlando. Not a horrible show but the wrestling left a bit to be desired, namely due to nothing having a chance to get going.

For regular TV matches that’s fine but for stuff like the main event which is a big match, it needs time to develop which it didn’t get, due to having to cram everything into the show and have segments that just didn’t need to be there, like Hogan being mad at Hardy and the Knockouts coming out for the Knockout Law thing. This wasn’t as bad as some of their shows but it still wasn’t anything excellent.

Results

Gunner b. Rob Van Dam – Running knee to the head

Brian Kendrick/Jesse Sorensen b. Kid Kash/Austin Aries – Sorensen pinned Kash with a sunset flip

Mickie James b. Winter – High kick

Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Pin after Styles slipped off the top rope

Kurt Angle b. Sting – Angle Slam onto a chair