Monday Night Raw – December 17, 2011 – Nuns, Groceries and Bingo

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 17, 2001
Location: CajunDome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a request from someone. Either way it’s a Raw from 2001 post Alliance which makes it automatically better than the previous show. Tonight the main event is RVD vs. Jericho for the Undisputed Title. Other than that I don’t know much about this show at all and I’m not sure why it was requested that this was reviewed. It’s post Armageddon so Jericho is world champion.  Let’s get to it.

Matt Hardy is in WWF New York drinking. Make your own jokes.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy

Taker is champion and has short hair here. He’s recently heel but is still Rollin. He’s booed out of the building….I think. Taker decks him before the bell rings and demands respect. Jeff hammers away and manages to dropkick Taker to the floor. A big dive to the floor hits railing though and Taker takes over again. Matt and Lita have broken up for some reason. This is total dominance by Taker. There’s the Last Ride and it gets a face pop. Lita goes up and Taker just glares at her. That gets rid of her and Jeff is done quick.

Rating: D. No idea what was up with the squashification here. I know Taker was far bigger than Jeff as Jeff was still a Hardy Boy here but maybe I’m just looking at it with almost 2012 eyes. Not much here but it made Taker look awesome….which goes against the idea of his heel turn but this was a bad year as far as common sense for WWF.

Taker carries Jeff to the back for no apparent reason. Oh wait he stops on the stage and lays Jeff down, then powerbombs him off the stage. Here’s one for Lita as well but she kicks him low. It doesn’t work but nice try. She gets tossed as well and Matt panics in WWF New York. Gee maybe you should have been here. Matt would get hurt on Smackdown and I don’t think they were back until the Rumble.

Matt calls to the arena and tries to find out about Lita.

Here’s Vince to talk about Austin. They don’t like each other anymore and the WHAT chants have recently debuted. We get a clip from Smackdown where Vince started a small fire and one of the fireman was Austin who beat up Booker T and Vince. This led to the AWESOME grocery store fight which was one of the first things I looked for upon discovering the wonders of Youtube. I may need to go back to that for pure nostalgia.

He demands Austin come out here and here’s Austin with the WHAT shirt. Vince yells at the fans that he hates the WHAT stuff and yeah heels are idiots in wrestling. Vince wants an apology and Austin is incensed. He says he took Booker on a shopping spree and lists off things that he gave Booker, saying it was a favor. He was calm, cool and collected. Austin lists off things he ate today and the chants just get louder and louder. He also had 9 beers and a Bloody Mary. This was one of Austin’s lasts gasps of charisma and it still works. Austin untucks his shirt but Booker saves Vince.

He pops up on the Tron and is next to Austin’s truck. Booker already took it for a joy ride and talks about the beating in the grocery store. The truck gets destroyed with some metal object and Austin goes after him.

During the break, Booker bailed as Austin got to the back. Austin chased after him in the beaten up truck.

Tag Titles: Albert/Scott 2 Hotty vs. Dudley Boys

Two guesses as to who has the titles here. Good night I could look at Dudleyville Stacy all day. D-Von vs. Scotty gets us going. Bubba distracts him and the champions take over. Double flapjack looks to kill Scotty and this is totally one sided. Off to Bubba who takes a superkick and it’s off to Albert. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo here and after a dance it’s a Giant Swing to D-Von. Missile dropkick from Scotty takes down Bubba and the Worm gets two. Stacy takes her boot off but Albert kisses her down. 3D ends Scotty.

Rating: D. Total squash here as I don’t think even Scotty’s grandmother thought he had a chance here. Any match with Stacy in that outfit can be called a failure but other than that there was nothing here at all. They had nothing else to do with the titles at this point as the great three way feud was long since done by this point.

Booker is on the phone with Austin and is hiding in a church. Vince: “Say what?” How nice of Vince to leave the speakerphone on for us. Booker is about to play Bingo. I remember this show.

Russ Haas, Charlie’s brother and a WWF developmental guy, passed away.

European Title: Christian vs. Tazz

Christian chokes Tazz with Tazz’s towel and punches in the corner. Tazz hooks two suplexes but the Tazmission is countered into the Unprettier for the quick pin. There was a low blow in there somewhere. Total squash. Tazz would get a quick tag title run in January and then retired in like April. He hooks a Tazmission after the match but no one cares.

Gregory Helms talks to Ric Flair about Tazz but Lance Storm pops up to beg for a job. Flair freaks out on him like only Ric Flair can do. If Storm wins tonight Flair will ruin Storm’s life. His match is against the Rock. Flair was a boss at this point.

Vote for the match of the year that will air on New Year’s Eve!

RVD is getting ready and Vince tries to suck up to him and get RVD to work for him if he wins the title. RVD isn’t pleased with the idea but never stops smiling. Vince wants Jericho to win now. He’ll be doing commentary.

Booker plays Bingo. He doesn’t win so he starts a small ruckus. Then he switches cards with some old woman in an attempt to cheat. Now Austin is calling the numbers and Booker runs. Booker’s card would have won.

After a break Booker is still in the church and this is like something out of a WWE Pictures movie. He hides in a pew then behind the pulpit. You know, if he wouldn’t pop his head out every 8 seconds, the hiding spaces might work. Now he pretends to be a statue. None of this is funny in case you’re wondering. Booker hides in a closet and oh man I think I know where this is going.

The Rock vs. Lance Storm

If Storm wins, he gets his job back. They fight over a hammerlock and then Rock kills him with a clothesline. Out to the floor and Rock jumps in on commentary. He says Lance is trying to get his job back but reads a paper which is a list of possible jobs. The best one though is to go back to getting beaten all over Cajun Country. See how that works? He did something out of the norm which happened to be funny and it worked.

Back in, Storm accidentally kicks the referee. Sharpshooter by Rock gets a tap but here’s Test to break it up. A big boot gets two for Storm. Rock hits the spinebuster but goes after Test and gets counted out. Well they had to do something with Storm and it’s not like they were going to have him pin Rock.

Rating: D. This was nothing and is there really any point in it being Rock in the first place? I mean, there was NO ONE but Rock that could do this? I mean….HE’S THE ROCK. They couldn’t have it be like a handicap against the APA or something stupid like that? Kane maybe? I don’t get it.

Rock gets in Rock Bottom position post match but doesn’t attack. Instead he shakes his hand, and THEN Rock Bottoms him. Kind of a jerk no? Rock was the one that lost his focus and got beat.

Back at the church and a woman walks into the same closet. And yes it’s a confessional. The girl admits she’s cheated on her husband with her husband’s brother and his best friend. Booker wants details and apparently there was alcohol and a video camera involved. She’s instructed to do 18 Hail Marys and send him the tape. This is going to end badly isn’t it?

Here’s Jericho to talk. He talks about beating Rock and Austin in one night. To be fair, that was less than three weeks before this so it was brand new. There’s no reason for RVD to get a title shot tonight says he. RVD cheated to beat him on Thursday and he has footage to prove it. Van Dam used a chair so he shouldn’t get a title shot. He demands Flair reverse the decision from Thursday and cancel the match tonight.

Cue Flair who says no. Jericho brought the chair into the ring and RVD used it. All Flair saw was Van Dam get the pin so he’s #1 contender. Jericho gets in Flair’s face and says Flair wishes he was someone else for once. Flair doesn’t deserve to be in the same ring with him, WOO! He accuses Flair of having a midlife crisis. Flair: “I HAD THAT TEN YEARS AGO!” Somehow this turns into Flair refereeing the main event tonight. See, something like this is perfect for Flair: being the boss, talking about how great things can be, and maybe refereeing a match or something like that. He’d be perfect for something like that today.

Edge/Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle/Test

Edge and Angle are on the verge of a mega feud and Edge is on the verge of a mega push. He’s IC Champion here. This was supposed to be Regal instead of Test but Edge hurt him. Angle had a really bad rock remix of his song here. It sounds like a half breed between his music and the late 90s Big Bossman song. Angle vs. Rikishi starts us off. Kurt avoids a quick Stinkface and spins Rikishi inside out with a clothesline. Edge comes in with a top rope clothesline and everything breaks down. Spear to Test but the Angle Slam pins Edge. This was nothing.

Rikishi starts to clean house but gets beaten down. Rock makes the save and Test gets a Stinkface.

HHH returns January 7. The song playing over his video: Beautiful Day by U2. That’s an…odd choice.

Test is in the back and Cole annoys him so Canada gets its revenge on Cole. By that I mean a really awkward shove.

Big Show/Tajiri vs. Billy/Chuck

Torrie is with Tajiri here and is Cruiserweight Champion. Billy and Chuck aren’t gay yet. Chuck pounds on Tajiri to start but Tajiri gets a BIG kick in the corner for two. Jerry: “Did you tell Torrie I had a mirror over my bed?” JR: “HOW WOULD I KNOW YOU HAVE A MIRROR OVER YOUR BED???” Well I thought it was funny. LAUGH MONKEYS! Billy beats on Tajiri a bit and the heels double team. Tajiri hits a big kick and it’s off to Show. Tarantula to Billy but Show kind of gets kicked by Chuck. The handspring elbow hits Torrie and Billy hits a flapjack for the pin. This was again, nothing.

A guy confesses to Booker that he ate too much dessert. Booker isn’t pleased and throws him out. Here’s Austin to confess and Booker runs some more.

After a break, Booker and Austin run in front of some nuns. They need a ride to an orphanage and Booker uses the chance to escape. Austin runs into a priest who wants to hear Austin’s confession. Ok then. And yes, that’s it.

Flair offers to teach Van Dam the Figure Four.

WWF World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Vince does Jericho’s intro. Van Dam isn’t One of a Kind yet. Jericho grabs the arm to start. Van Dam sends him to the floor and hits a dive as America takes over on Canada. The Canadian hits a German on the American for two. Jericho hooks a chinlock as Vince is in full heel mode here. Lionsault misses but a quick clothesline gets two for the champion. Van Dam gets a rolling sunset flip out of the corner for what might have been a faster two.

Vince praises Jericho the whole match and talks about how awesome he is. This has been almost all Jericho, and to be fair he’s world champion so it probably should be. A spin kick takes Chris down and a flip attack off the top gets two. A standing rana is countered into the Walls which of course isn’t the finish. Flair and Jericho get in a fight and Rolling Thunder sets up the Five Star but Vince pulls Flair out and a it’s thrown out I guess.

Rating: C. Just an ok match here because the focus was on Flair and Vince. The ending was stupid but this was a pretty stupid Raw overall. The ending had the fans buying something might be up but it was pretty clear what Vince was going to do. Not much here but I’ve seen far worse.

The good guys put the bad guys in Figure Fours to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t all that pleased with this one. Van Dam’s push went nowhere other than right back into the midcard while Vince vs. Flair resulted in the return of the NWO for no apparent reason. Not much here and the Booker vs. Austin stuff wasn’t funny, which I’m sure they didn’t care about so what difference does it make? Not a very good show.

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