Monday Night Raw – March 19, 2012: Not Much Of A Statement Rocky

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 19, 2012
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

We’re almost to Wrestlemania but first of all we have to go through the scariest place on the planet in wrestling: Philly. Cena is likely to get crucified here although I’m not sure if Rock is scheduled for tonight or not. I do know that Michaels, HHH and Undertaker are all scheduled to be in the ring at the same time though. Not much else to say other than that so let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.

Rock is indeed here tonight.

We open with Punk coming to the ring with a full introduction. That’s not something you hear that often anymore but ok. Before he talks we get a clip from last week with the Jericho talk about Punk possibly becoming an alcoholic. Punk talks about how last week Jericho told the world that Punk’s father is an alcoholic. He says he feels like he’s not wearing any clothes in front of the world. Punk talks about how everyone has been affected by alcohol somehow.

He’s not going to allow Jericho to convince kids everywhere that because their life sucks they’re going to turn to the bottle. Punk may have alcoholism in his genes but the addiction in him is going to become Jericho’s problem. Punk says that Jericho left out the ending where Punk’s dad overcame his demons. He’s proud of his father and he’s proud of being straightedge. Alcoholism is an obstacle but he finds ways around obstacles. His next obstacle is Chris Jericho, and at Wrestlemania he’s going straight through him.

Punk is about to leave when Jericho pops up on the monitor. He’s not here tonight and is in a suit. Jericho sounds somber here and says this is Chris, not Jericho with no bravado and no fancy jacket. He crossed the line last week and he’s sorry. Jericho will never say anything else about Punk’s father on this show again. However, he’ll talk about Punk’s sister’s substance abuse problems quite a bit. Punk freaks out while Jericho talks about Punk’s sister being a drug addict. That means Punk is pre-disposed to being addicted. Punk drops a bunch of censored words and yells at Jericho. Good segment.

Kane vs. Big Show

Before the match we get a highlight reel of Show at Mania from Cody Rhodes. Cody has on boxing gloves at ringside. Show takes him down quickly and goes to the middle rope, but Cody gets on the apron. Show shoves him off and Kane chokeslams Show off the ropes for the pin at 49 seconds.

Post match Cody hits the Beautiful Disaster. He handcuffs Show to the ropes and pounds on him with the boxing gloves. Show yells at Cody to run, which Cody does despite Show being cuffed. They get him freed but Show is all messed up from getting beaten on.

Santino Marella vs. David Otunga

We start with a posedown and Santino has abs painted on. He hurts his leg posing so Otunga hammers away. Santino comes back with his usual and loads up the Cobra. Ace slides in his phone for some reason so Santino stomps on it. He walks into Otunga’s spinebuster, putting the champion at 0-2 in his last two matches on Raw since winning the thing. The match ran about 1:45. I’m REALLY getting tired of these losses for champions.

Teddy slaps Ace post match and runs off so he can dance on the stage.

Lord Tensai (A-Train) is coming.

Rock is in front of the Rocky statue and says this is the city with a fighting spirit. We get a picture of him at 12 years old posing in front of the statue. Rock talks about training to become an icon and watching the first Wrestlemania and then Wrestlemania 6. He loved the Warrior. He had no idea what Warrior was talking about, but then again no one did. Then at Wrestlemania 15, right here in Philadelphia, Rock main evented his first Wrestlemania….and he got Stunned and lost.

Then Rock went on to beat Austin and Hogan at Wrestlemania, and that leaves just one person: John Cena. Tonight, Rock is coming to the arena and he’s going to send Cena a message. If Cena doesn’t get that message, Rock is going to get back in his car and drive to Pat’s (famous Philadelphia cheese steak place) and say that he wants it both with and without (it’s a Pat’s thing). That way he can turn it sideways, and I think you know the rest. Then all the greats will say bang bang, WOO and from up above, oh yeah. Rocky is going to eat lightning, crap thunder, and layeth the smacketh down. Rock continues to be better on location.

Daniel Bryan vs. Zach Ryder

We get a clip from earlier today with Ryder holding a rally to become part of Team Teddy. Ryder has black trunks now. AJ looks GREAT tonight. Ryder controls and hits the Broski Boot but the Rough Ryder is countered into the LeBell Lock for the tap at 1:45.

Flo Rida is going to play Rock to the ring.

John Cena vs. Mark Henry

Henry throws Cena around a few times to start including once to the floor. Back in and Cena is down again, this time off a failed shoulder. Henry knocks him into the corner using the power. Back to the floor and Henry won’t let him back in. He rams Cena into the barricade and yells at him as we go to a break. Back with Cena breaking free of a hold but getting run over quickly. Splash gets two. They talk about the car accident and imply Cena is off a step because of it. Cena avoids a charge in the corner and hits a belly to back to set up the Shuffle. AA and the Slam fail but the second AA gets the pin at 8:11.

Rating: D+. They were keeping it purely in first gear with Henry using nothing but power. It’s sad to see him being nothing but a jobber to the stars at this point but at least he’s jobbing to the top star. Not abad match but it was pretty clear that Henry wasn’t going to have any chance here.

Post match Rock immediately comes out and lays out Henry with a Rock Bottom. He points to the catchphrase on his shirt and walks out.

We get a clip of Shawn being announced as the guest referee. We saw the acceptance of the Cell stipulations earlier.

We get clips of the Divas deal on Extra. Eve is officially Beth’s sidekick. Maria pinned Beth on Raw once. A tag match at Mania comes out of this.

Miz is in the ring to talk about…..King Kong Bundy? He talks about Bundy being in the main event of Wrestlemania in 1986 (it was 1987) and then being in a match with two little people the next year. Now Miz is going to break the record for the longest fall. He’s issued an open challenge to prove his worth to Ace.

The Miz vs. Sheamus

Slugout to start and Miz gets in a kick to the chest. Not that it matters as Sheamus takes his head off with a double ax. Miz comes back but has his low DDT countered. Fireman’s carry roll gets two. Ace and Otunga are watching in the back. Miz hooks a neckbreaker and then a chinlock but Sheamus comes back and the Brogue Kick kills Miz dead at 2:59. Nothing to see here but Cole is now calling Sheamus the Dublin Destroyer.

We recap the Jericho/Punk’s sister thing from earlier.

Orton comes out for an interview on the stage. He says he’s not responsible for Kane changing so much lately. He’s not a monster, he’s not a big red machine, he’s not the devil’s favorite demon. He’s Randy Orton….and that’s that.

Clips of an anti-bullying campaign event, which seems to be a way to get Stephanie on TV again.

Vickie introduces Dolph and Swagger as members of Team Johnny.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

Kofi and Jack start and Kofi gets double teamed into trouble. Aksana is out here for some reason. Off to Dolph who has a neckbreaker countered into a backslide for two. Dropkick gets two for Dolph. Back to Swagger who does pushups on Kofi’s back. Hot tag minus the heat brings in Truth to clean house. Swagger gets knocked to the floor and Kofi takes him down with a clothesline. Axe kick misses Dolph and the Fameasser hits (with Truth diving down before it hit him) for the pin at 4:35. Vickie shoved Truth’s foot off the rope.

Rating: D+. I really haven’t been liking this show tonight and this was another example of that. This didn’t work that well for me at all, although technically it was fine. I think it’s that I’m tired of this GM feud and there are WAY too many people involved in it, but how else are you going to get them all on the card?

Aksana and Vickie brawl after the match. Kofi’s eyes are hilarious when he pulls them apart.

We get a clip from last night at MSG where HHH used a tombstone and the Taker pin/tongue for the pin.

Time for the big in ring confrontation with HHH, Taker and Shawn. Gee, I wonder what they’re going to say. Shawn talks about how he has the end of an era in his hand, but everyone knows that’s code for end of the Streak. Taker comes out and says this match has to stay pure. HHH comes out before much else can be said and says stop worrying about Shawn and worry about HHH. It’s also not about Shawn, despite how much Shawn wants it to be.

HHH talks about the Cell and how these two have defined them. The Cell has gone from being the devil’s playground to HHH’s proving ground. I wouldn’t go that far but it’s HHH so reality is usually thrown out the window for his promos. The world will see the end of an era, and it’ll be Undertaker’s era.

HHH starts to say that he knows what it’ll take to beat Taker in the Cell, but Taker cuts him off and asks if he really knows. Taker asks if HHH is willing to put it all on the line at Mania. HHH says he is ready and he will. Does that mean Streak vs. career? It’s never stated clearly. Taker goes to leave but comes back and asks if HHH remembers when Taker said Shawn was better than HHH? Well he is. And that’s the end. Ok then.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t bad, but I really got bored with it a lot of times. The problem they have is one that you have before any big show: the card is set, the feuds are made, and there’s nothing else to talk about for them. Also, what did Bryan and Sheamus do to tick off this company, because they can’t combine to get five minutes of TV time but we can get an angle for the Divas tag match? I’ll never get this company half the time. Anyway, not a great show but it could have been worse.

Results
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam off the middle rope
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Zach Ryder – LeBell Lock
John Cena b. Mark Henry – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Fameasser to R-Truth

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