Monday Night Raw – October 1, 2001: Can We Get These Guys A Compass?

This show almost has to be better than last week’s. Last week wasn’t really bad but it just wasn’t interesting in the slightest and nothing happened with it. This week hopefully Austin is back and we’re moving towards No Mercy and then Survivor Series. Based on the card, nothing is going to get any better this week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Smackdown with Rock and Angle trying to win the tag titles from the Dudleys but having Booker and Test run in for the save. Angle took a 3D through a table as did Rock.

After the theme song here’s Kurt for a chat. Angle says that he has business to finish with the Dudleys, but first of all Austin isn’t here again. Angle doesn’t quite believe that, but maybe it’s true. He’s not sure you see. Maybe Austin is scared. There’s nothing embarrassing about tapping out to escape the pain of the ankle lock. Angle doesn’t want to embarrass Austin but how about Austin comes out here right now.

Instead he gets the Rock for some reason. Rock doesn’t know or care where Austin is tonight. He does however care about the Dudleys after the pair of 3D’s on Smackdown. Rock thinks that maybe they should get together with the Dudleys tonight. It can be all of the Dudleys, even the more obscure ones which he lists for some decent laughs.

Here’s Shane who is in fighting clothes. Shane thinks that he’s going to put the Dudleys against Rock in a handicap tables match for the title. If Rock doesn’t do it, the belt is stripped from The Rock. Rock says cool, although he’s a little more colorful than that. Angle wants to talk about strudel.

Austin is a giant strudel and Shane doesn’t have a strudel of his own. Shane says he has a whole bakery down there, so tonight it’s himself vs. Angle for the WWF Title. How does he get to make that match? Shane comes to the ring but the Dudleys run in for the beatdown. Angle gets powerbombed through a table and Rock makes the save. That goes badly as he takes a 3D of his own. Did this segment really need seventeen minutes?

We get a fax at the announce table. I wonder if that’s the father of the GM Computer. It’s for Heyman from Austin and it says (complete with a graphic saying communicating by fax) that Austin won’t be here tonight because he resents Angle as well as the fans. It even includes WHAT’s, which is kind of awesome.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. Hurricane

The word on the street is that Molly has turned villain by turning hero. Spike pounds on him to start but Hurricane comes back with a neckbreaker. Superkick by the champion misses and Spike goes up. Mike Awesome comes down for no apparent reason and Spike dives on him. Hurricane hits Spike and goes up but jumps into the boot. He loads up the Dudley Dog but Awesome trips him up. Eye of the Hurricane off the top ends this. Short and bad.

In the back Molly officially becomes Mighty Molly and joins Hurricane as they leave on the Hurricycle. Big Show pops up on the Tron looking like an IDIOT in a jean hat and jacket. He says on Smackdown that he’ll take Spike out on the town to meet a bunch of women. Show sounds drunk.

Booker T/Test/Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker/Kane/Chris Jericho

Booker and Test beat the monsters for the WCW tag titles on Smackdown. Before the WWF guys come in we get another fax from Austin which says that he congratulates the new champions but RVD needs to remember that there’s only one leader of the Alliance. Jericho and Booker start things off. The Canadian starts with the forearm and chops Booker into the corner.

Off to Undertaker who gets very little reaction. I guess he listens as he tags back out less than ten seconds later. A hook kick lets Booker tag Test in and now Taker will fight for awhile. Taker works on the arm and hits Old School which gets a good reaction. Kane comes in with a side slam and the top rope clothesline. RVD walks into a big boot but as Kane tries the double chokeslam, RVD hits Kane low right in front of the referee who doesn’t do anything.

RVD is legal off that somehow and hits Rolling Thunder for two on Kane. Back to Booker and then Test very quickly. The Canadian beats on Kane for a few moments but gets caught in a belly to back suplex to put him down. Off to Taker who is moving quickly by his standards.

He beats up all three Alliance guys while Jericho just lets the three on one fight to continue. Van Dam superkicks Undertaker but RVD bulldogs him down. Everything breaks down and we have some heel miscommunication. Test kicks Kane’s head off but gets caught in an UGLY Last Ride. Booker knocks Taker to the floor but gets caught in the Walls. Van Dam hits a top rope kick to the face and rolls up Jericho for the pin.

Rating: C-. Basic six man tag here with some REALLY bad refereeing in there too. The idea of tagging was thrown out the window most of the time in this match and it got pretty annoying. Not a good match either but the combining of two feuds into one match is a pretty good idea in a period like this one.

We get a clip from Heat where Stacy and Torrie have a stupid argument. Torrie beats her up.

Stephanie and her rocking rack will be back next week. Jericho hurt her on Smackdown and we get a clip of the match where she got hurt in the Walls. Her in a tight blue halter top and leather pants WORKS.

Awesome talks to RD in the back when Shane comes in. He wants to talk about the Stephanie injury and implies it was RVD’s fault. This goes nowhere.

Oh geez it’s time for a Torrie promo. Thankfully Stacy jumps her before anything can be said. Lillian the interviewer yells in Spanish.

WCW World Title: Dudley Boys vs. The Rock

Tables match. Rock needs to put one through a table to win. Rock charges the ring and we’re off fast. They go to the floor and Rock sends both of them into the table and makes Bubba clothesline D-Von. Rock puts a table in the ring and hits a baseball slide to kick a different table into Bubba’s face. D-Von gets in but Bubba Rock up to give the team control. What’s Up to Rock and it’s one of those stupid matches where they have to tag.

D-Von is in legally first and there’s a table set up in the ring. Bubba kicks Rock in the back to put him down again and then tags in legally. Quickly back to D-Von as Rock comes back with punches. The reverse 3D takes Rock down and Bubba is in legally. The Dudleys set for something off the top but Rock comes back. He crotches Bubba but D-Von moves the table so Rock just slams Bubba onto the mat. D-Von sets up a second table for a 3D but Rock knocks D-Von to the floor.

Samoan Drop puts Bubba down as does a DDT. D-Von back in and he walks into a Rock Bottom but Bubba moves the table. Spinebuster puts Bubba down and here’s Shane. He puts Rock through the table but there’s no referee. Another Alliance referee comes in but a WWF one counters him. What authority would the WWF one have here? Bubba picks up Rock and gets caught in a Rock Bottom through the table so Rock can retain.

Rating: C-. So, again, we have a challenge of the week for Rock and there’s more interference by Shane which Rock overcomes. This has been going on for what, four weeks in a row now? Like I’ve been saying the whole time, there’s no point to the majority of these matches as there’s nowhere for this specific pairing to go anymore and once again, it’s about a McMahon instead of a wrestler. Same old, same old.

DDP still has a creepy smile and wants us to like ourselves. He recently hurt his knee and needed surgery, but that’s a good thing because his knee is stronger than ever and he loves rehab. We get a yoga demonstration which was never mentioned again I don’t think.

Tajiri/Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler/Tazz

Torrie is in a full body dress and Stacy is in leather shorts. Clearly they’re in fighting gear here. The guys start (thank goodness) and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow. He tries a kick but gets caught in the capture suplex and it’s off to Stacy vs. Torrie. Make this quick. As expected they’re terrible because THEY AREN’T WRESTLERS. Back to the guys with Tajiri firing off his strikes and hooking the Tarantula. Ivory runs out and DDTs Torrie so Stacy can pin her. Awful match and for the life of me is anyone supposed to care?

Another fax says Austin doesn’t like bullies, which is what JR is.

Ivory hits on Regal who isn’t impressed. Lance Storm comes in to talk about sexual harassment and we have a match later.

Here’s Christian to complain about not getting respect after defending his title twice last week. No one defends his title like he does and no one cares. He insults the locals and wants to know why no one likes him. Cue X-Pac (irony!) who sympathizes with Christian. He was part of the most popular group ever and then went out on his own. The people turned on him and he’s mad about it. Christian says shame on the people and Pac calls them all losers.

Cue Edge who says Pac didn’t make the people chew him up and spit him out. He made them want to vomit. 1998 called and they’re sick of him, so come join us in 2001. Edge used to be into the goth thing but then changed because of this thing called “character development.” Maybe Pac should look into it. This is great stuff. Christian makes fun of Edge as the fans chant for Edge. Edge asks the fans why they hate Christian and gives them some options to pick from. Albert jumps Edge and it’s three on one until the APA makes the save.

William Regal vs. Lance Storm

This HAS TO be good right? Storm quickly takes him down with a jawbreaker but Regal knocks him to the floor. Regal fires off forearms back in the ring but walks into a boot that bloodies his nose. Not that it matters as the Regal Stretch gets the tap out after about 90 seconds.

FAX! Austin says that he’s either #1 contender or else Regal is going to get it. Regal isn’t pleased and roughs up Heyman as a result.

In a hilariously bad bit of acting, Maven, the Tough Enough winner, is told by Taz that he’s competing on Smackdown. His opponent is about to come through that door. Maven turns around and there’s a Tazmission, because Taz is the opponent.

Shane implies that he wants Van Dam to help him in the main event…I think.

WWF Title: Shane McMahon vs. Kurt Angle

Your main event people! We’ve got ALL OF ECW AND MOST OF WCW on the payroll but we get Shane McMahon. Sure why not. Angle starts fast with punches and some hard clotheslines. Out to the floor for Kurt to hit RVD but it allows Shane to take over. And never mind as Angle suplexes him to take over again. Kurt tries to suplex Shane over the top and to the floor but Shane grabs the rope.

A springboard clothesline by Shane puts Kurt down for two. He works on the neck and breaks it for two. Kurt starts a comeback but gets caught by a floatover DDT. Top rope elbow gets a delayed cover as the elbow hurt Shane too. Kurt comes back with punches and the Rolling Germans. Out to the floor and Shane takes another belly to belly. Van Dam fires off a kick and hits a Frog Splash from the apron. That gets two in the ring so Van Dam throws in a chair. Shane tries a piledriver but Angle reverses into the ankle lock to retain.

Rating: D. So we got a basic squash for the WWF Title in the main event. No one on the planet bought Shane as a legit threat here and you could tell with no one reacting to the covers in the slightest. With the roster you have out there, THIS is the best you can give us? Even with the knowledge of the names that would be there within just a few months, this is still unacceptable. Booker, RVD, Rhyno, Mike Awesome, any of these guys would have been a better and more believable option than Shane. The other problem is that even if Shane won the title, so what? It’s a world title apiece again.

Overall Rating: D+. These shows are getting worse and worse because it’s the same stuff over and over again. We have these meaningless title defenses while we sit around and wait for Austin to come back and no one has a freaking clue what the point of any of this is. I know I harp on this a lot but none of these matches or fights mean anything. The Alliance never had a goal or anything other than to come in and beat WWF guys, which doesn’t mean anything at the end of the day, which is where the whole thing fell apart. Well among other things but you get the idea. Weakest show in awhile here.

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