Monday Night Raw – May 14, 2012: Two Way Too Long Segments For The Price Of One!

It’s the last Raw before Sunday’s Over The Limit so hopefully we’ll get some Cena tonight to sell the show. That being said, the guy is going through a divorce so I think you have to cut him some slack on how effective he’s going to be out there. We also have Punk vs. Daniel Bryan for Sunday so expect a lot of staring at each other tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with HHH walking through the back. He runs into Ace who says he had nothing to do with Lesnar attacking him. HHH says he’ll respond in front of the world.

Theme song.

Here’s HHH but before he talks we get the video from Raw two weeks ago for the 100th time. HHH says everyone wants to know his thoughts on Lesnar. It’s not the physical part of it because he’s had worse done to him. It’s Lesnar saying that he has to bring legitimacy back to the WWE. A few weeks before that, HHH was going toe to toe with Undertaker in the most watched Wrestlemania of all time.

Lesnar’s arrogance offends all of the greats in WWE history and it offends HHH as a fans. Two weeks ago he was slightly embarrassed because of Lesnar always bailing when he got challenged. HHH saw the potential in Brock back in 2002, but Brock quit in 2004 after someone challenged him, then he quit UFC when he had to fight and now he came back here and went after Cena, who beat him as well.

Cue Heyman and a lawyer. Heyman says that HHH has blown this and that it’s an open and shut case. Lesnar had an agreement with Ace but HHH ripped it up. The lawyer serves HHH with a lawsuit for millions of dollars and Heyman runs his mouth some more. HHH grabs Heyman by the face and says Lesnar will get what he deserves. The Game leaves but Heyman says he’s suing HHH for assault and battery.

We get a recap of Show making fun of Ace last week. He gets Kane tonight as a result.

CM Punk/Santino Marella vs. Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes

Insert Pretender reference here. Punk and Rhodes start things off with Punk taking control. He sends Cody to the floor and Bryan out on top of him. There’s a suicide dive but Santino can’t quite bring himself to do one of his own as we take a break. After an ad for a Raw house show in my town in July, we come back with Rhodes beating up Santino. Off to Bryan who drops a bunch of knees for two.

Bryan throws on an armbar and the beating continues. In a funny bit, Santino dives for the tag but misses. Rhodes laughs but gets shoved off, allowing Santino to make the real tag. Bulldog puts Rhodes down but the GTS is avoided. High Kick puts Rhodes down but Bryan avoids one of his own. He heads to the floor and Cody walks into the GTS for the pin at 9:55.

Rating: C-. Everyone here knew that Cody was taking the fall here right? I want to make sure I’ve at least taught you that much. Other than that, the match was just ok. Santino being in there didn’t make a ton of sense but Big Show was busy tonight. I’d have liked more between Bryan and Punk but we had a champion to pin so it was out of the question.

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox

So Fox is face on here and heel on NXT. Got it. The crowd just goes silent when the bell rings. Layla comes out to watch. Gorilla press and Glam Slam, 1:16.

Alicia is about to get beaten up again but Layla makes the save.

Video on Cena’s Make-A-Wish work which is cool.

We see the Ace/Show segment again for some reason.

Ryder vs. Kane is the pre-show match for Sunday.

We get ANOTHER clip from last week with Ace saying that it might be Show’s last match in WWE.

Ace and Otunga come out and we take a break, meaning in this TV segment we announced a pre-show match and saw a clip.

Kane vs. Big Show

Show takes it to the mat which gets us nowhere. Kane fires off shoulders in the corner but gets thrown away with ease. The masked man hits a cross body of all things and it’s time for the chinlock. Show comes back with clotheslines and a slam to set up the Vader Bomb Elbow. Not that it matters as Kane moves and goes up top. He jumps into a chokeslam attempt but escapes that too. We head to the floor and Kane gets whipped into the barricade and speared. They get back in and Ace wants an apology right now. That allows Kane to use a choke takedown (looked awful) for the pin at 4:14.

Rating: F. It was awful, it was slow, the ending SUCKED. What more do you want from me here?

Ace says Show has to apologize or he’s fired. Show says he’s accomplished everything and he can walk away. But he still loves what he does and he doesn’t want to be fired. If it means being fined or never getting a title match again, then so be it but don’t take away what he loves. If the imitation offended Ace, then he’s sorry.

Ace said Show didn’t apologize so Show says it again. Ace wants Show to beg for his job on his knees. Show can’t bring himself to do it and begs from his feet. Ace says he won’t fire him for the sake of business. He leaves but then changes his mind. Show says wait and gets on his knees and apologizes. Ace fires him anyway. Ok the smile on his face helps a bit.

And now for something completely different.

Brodus Clay/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. The Miz/Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler

Truth and Swagger start things off and it’s off to Clay very quickly. He throws all three heels down as the champions knock Miz to the floor. We take a break and come back with Truth in a Ziggler chinlock. AW Enterprises (with the possibly now signed Mason Ryan) are watching from a sky box. Miz comes in and gets caught in a neckbreaker. Tag to Kofi who speeds things up as he is known to do. SOS gets two and everything breaks down. Ziggler jumps into a headbutt from Brodus, Kofi gets a GREAT sounding Trouble in Paradise on Miz and the Splash ends Miz at 6:58. Most of that was in a commercial so no rating but this was fine.

Punk is with Alex Riley of all people when AJ comes up. Riley leaves (Punk: “Hey, remember that $50 you owe me!”) and AJ wishes Punk luck on Sunday. He doesn’t want anything to do with the drama that comes with AJ and Bryan. Punk is worried about a setup because AJ is so unstable so he walks away. AJ looks….sad?

Sheamus comes down for commentary for the next match.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho

Feeling out process to start and Orton dropkicks him to the floor as we take a break. These breaks during a match are REALLY getting annoying and have been for years. Back with Jericho holding a chinlock. He takes Orton into the corner and hits a missile dropkick for two. Off to a surfboard hold but Orton escapes. Backbreaker puts Jericho down but the elevated DDT is countered by a backdrop. Jericho throws Orton into Sheamus but back in Orton loads up the DDT again. Sheamus pulls him to the floor and clotheslines him down for the DQ win for Jericho at 8:40.

Rating: C-. That’s the ending everyone knew was coming and that’s perfectly fine. I’m actually very glad that no one has gotten a clean win over anyone else in this match since the fourway was announced. That’s a big problem they’ve had recently with multi-man matches: someone is always made to look weak beforehand but in this case, that hasn’t happened at all. I think I’m looking forward to this match more than anything else on Sunday.

Orton gets in Sheamus’ face and challenges him to a fight right now which Sheamus is more than happy to accept. Referees break it up.

Post break Orton vs. Sheamus is announced for Friday.

Here’s Ace to push himself vs. Cena tonight. He talks about how everyone that loves Cena is a bad person because their favorite wrestler reflects themselves. Here’s Cena who makes fun of Ace’s voice and runs him down for firing Show. Ace has the gall to call himself a winner so we hear Ace’s resume. His team won at Wrestlemania…..and that’s about it. Punk is still champion and then Lesnar lost and left. That makes him 1-4 and that makes him a loser.

That’s fine because at Over The Limit, Ace is going to lose again. Ace has managed to step on everyone during his tenure on top. Tonight he’s stepped on everyone in the WWE Universe tonight in the name of people power. Instead it should be person power because that’s all that matters to Ace. Cena has a show of hands to see how many people want to punch Ace into the middle of next week. Next question: how many people want to beat up Ace so bad that he squeals like a baby calf? That gets a BIG reaction.

Cena says the reaction is appropriate in Pittsburgh for a few reason. First up is the Steel Curtain (The Steelers’ defense from the 70s) which is famous for destroying people, which is what Cena is going to do to Ace on Sunday. The other reason is the Pittsburgh Penguins. Ace says that he was going to use the Penguins later in the promo but Cena stole it. Ace tries to talk but Cena keeps calling him a loser. The boss calls the Penguins losers so Cena pulls out a hockey puck and says go puck yourself.

Ace says that he’s taller and better looking than Cena which must bother him. Cue Eve with a paper as he’s talking. She has something to tell him but he won’t listen to her. Finally she gets his attention and hands him the paper which he stops to read. Cena steals it from him (ripping it in half in the process) and says it’s from the board of directors. The match will be one on one with no special referee and no one allowed at ringside. You have to win by pin or submission and anyone who interferes is immediately fired. Oh and if Ace loses he’s fired.

Cena’s music plays but he stops it because Cole mentioned a major announce

Overall Rating: D. This was pretty easily the worst Raw in months and probably the worst this year. With two WAY too long segments that end in some legal or administrative decision, it was a hard show to sit through for the first hour. The lack of Cena until the very end didn’t help things either. I’m looking forward to the fourway on Sunday and Punk vs. Bryan (which got almost zero setup tonight) but other than that it’s a filler show. Terrible Raw tonight.

Results
CM Punk/Santino Marella b. Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes – GTS to Rhodes
Beth Phoenix b. Alicia Fox – Glam Slam
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam
Brodus Clay/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger/The Miz – Splash to Miz
Chris Jericho b. Randy Orton via DQ when Sheamus interfered

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