Monday Night Raw – August 6, 2012: Now With Touts Of Felonies In Progress

It’s Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night, which likely means Brock Lesnar Beats Up Shawn To Get On HHH’s Nerves Night. Other than that we’re on the way to Summerslam and we have a triple threat match for the title at that show, because this is WWE and that’s how we roll around here. I doubt much else will matter tonight but the interesting question is will we have more than the 16 recaps we had last week? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week with Show vs. Cena and the announcement of the triple threat for Summerslam.

The song is now that Tonight Is The Night one that was used for Raw 1000. I don’t like hip hop/rap so I’m not wild on it but I guess that’s what people like nowadays.

Here’s AJ to open things up in a white suit. Well it certainly catches my eye. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Big Show and Bryan vs. Cena. She has another idea but here’s Punk with a disruption. Punk says that he needs to apologize for something he said last week. He wants to apologize to AJ when he yelled and screamed at her because he knows what it’s like to not be respected. Punk says he’s sorry and AJ accepts it.

The champ talks about how AJ is bound to make some big mistakes like she did last week so why don’t we just cancel the triple threat for Summerslam. She says she’ll make mistakes but the triple threat isn’t one of them. Punk says he doesn’t want her to be the evil Raw GM because he turned her down. He has no problem with facing either guy in a singles match so just give him one of them or have him face a new opponent, but let’s move on.

Cue Cena with something to say. Cena says you have to come out here and earn respect instead of demanding it. He stops to listen to some dueling chants and says that he’s got eleven of those championships Punk has right now and based on the crowd, Cena has to fight for respect every week. Cena stops to hit on AJ in a somewhat awkward moment. Punk says Cena is the guy that turns a blind eye to facts.

Last week, Cena was the one that went flying into Punk so Cena is the one that started it. Punk talks about how Cena isn’t the same as he used to be but Cena counters by saying that the champ rarely wins triple threats. I’d love to see the stats that backs that up. Punk says we should check Gray’s Sports Almanac and see that Punk won at Summerslam last week.

Cue Big Show but AJ tells everyone to stop it because we’re not going to let everything get out of hand. Cena and Show have matches later but Punk has nothing to do, which he says isn’t right. AJ says Punk has a match and the fans will decide. The choices are Miz, Kane or Rey Mysterio. Gee I wonder who they’ll pick. The match is after a break.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Wow I’m stunned by this result. The voting was a bit closer than I expected with Rey having 47% to Kane’s 31. Mysterio takes him to the mat to start and grabs a leg but Punk counters by grabbing the arm. I’m not sure what I think of Rey wrestling in a shirt since his comeback. I don’t dislike it but it’s different to see on him. Rey misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post so Punk drops a leg for two.

A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for the champ (this is non-title) and he goes up top. Rey kicks him down and hits the seated senton off the apron (not the second rope Cole) as we take a break. Back with Punk superplexing Rey for two. Off to a bodyscissors to fill in some time. Mysterio is sent to the floor but as he comes back in with the seated senton.

Rey speeds things up and hits the kick to the head for a close two. Rey tries to jump out of the corner but gets caught in the GTS. That gets countered into the 619 but the top rope splash hits Punk’s knees. GTS gets the clean pin at 10:11. Punk may have lost a tooth in there somewhere.

Rating: C+. This was the usual good match from these two. Punk winning clean is a good thing and someone like Rey losing isn’t going to hurt him at all. I like that they’re keeping Punk looking strong instead of having him become a coward that can barely beat anyone on his own. Pretty good stuff here.

Del Rio finds a parking spot. This takes almost 40 seconds.

Video on Wade Barrett who is returning. It features clips of a bare knuckles fight and has him talking about going back to that style to reignite his fire. Nice stuff.

Del Rio and Ricardo come in to see AJ. Alberto says he shouldn’t have to fight until Summerslam. She steps away and Del Rio mentions her being crazy. That brings her back and Del Rio has a match up next.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Christian jumps him to start but Alberto takes him to the floor and sends him into the post and the barricade. That gets two back inside and it’s time to work on the arm. I doubt we’ll hear about Del Rio putting Christian on the shelf for about six months a few years ago. Del Rio DDTs the arm down but Christian comes back with some forearms. The uppercut while Del Rio is on the ropes puts Alberto down and the top rope cross body gets two for the Canadian.

Killswitch is countered but the Codebreaker to the arm is as well. Del Rio kicks him in the ribs but a backsplash from the middle rope misses. The spear is countered by a superkick and both finishers are countered. Ricardo distracts Christian and Del Rio takes his boot off and blasts Christian in the head with it. The armbreaker gets the submission at 3:05.

Rating: D. This was a mess while it lasted. The idea was that the boot wasn’t completely on because of Del Rio having to get ready in a hurry which is a decent idea, but the rest of the match didn’t work at all. At the end of the day, I do not care about Del Rio and I don’t know of more than a handful of people that do. Nothing to see here.

Sheamus pops up on screen and steals Del Rio’s car which is still in the back.

It appears that Shawn is going to appear tonight but the Appreciation Night doesn’t look to be happening.

Randy Orton vs. Big Show

They trade punches in the corner to start but Big Show comes out with a side slam for two to take over. Show starts slowing things down again and elbows Orton down. Off to a chinlock which looks more like an annoyance to Randy than a painful hold. Orton comes back with a lot of punches and kicks, followed by a dropkick that actually puts Show down.

Show gets up and chokeslams Orton down for two. Orton goes to the floor and guillotines Show as he comes back in. Show will have none of that and shoulders Orton back to the floor. Back inside and Show shoves him right to the floor again. Show’s ram into the post is countered but the RKO on the floor is countered. Show spears him down and it’s a double countout at 5:47.

Rating: D+. I liked this better than I expected to. It wasn’t a good match or anything but all things considered it wasn’t bad. I liked the idea of Orton mixing things up a bit to take Big Show down but it was pretty clear that no one was going to lose clean here. Show has no business in the main event at Summerslam but for some reason he’s there and we have to live with it.

Post match Show loads up the punch but walks into an RKO.

Ryback vs. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks

Ryback talks about the food chain a bit in an inset promo. Reks starts off but gets powerslammed down with ease. Off to Hawkins who is kicked down immediately. He tags Reks back in and after a Hawkins distraction, a few big boots take Ryback down for one. A double gordbuster puts Ryback down for one and it’s off to a chinlock from Hawkins. Ryback launches them both to the floor before throwing Hawkins back in for a spinebuster. The big clothesline takes his head off and Shell Shock finishes Hawkins at 2:50.

Prime Time Players vs. Primo/Epico

Epico dropkicks Young during the intros but the Players take over almost immediately. Primo does an Ultimo Dragon corner headstand and comes out with a headscissors for two on Young. Off to Titus who powers Primo down before bringing in Young at AW’s direction. Young hooks a chinlock followed by a powerslam for two. Primo rolls under Young and makes the tag to Epico who cleans house. Young gets beaten down so Titus pulls him to the floor. They look to leave but here are Kofi and Truth to stop that. Epico and Primo jump the Players and we head back inside where Epico hits the Backstabber on Young for the pin at 4:29.

Rating: C-. Standard formula here and while it’s only three teams, this is the deepest the tag division has been in years. I’m assuming this is leading to a three way tag title match somewhere so at least there’s a story to it, but I’m not sure if they did the right thing by having the champions pin the Players already.

Quick video on Sandow getting beaten down by DX and then attacking Brodus last week. Sandow says he’s here to rid the WWE of all foolishness, which is what dancing is. Tonight he’ll get rid of Brodus to help us all.

Brodus Clay vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow jumps Brodus during the entrance and goes after the knee again. Brodus, with his pants falling off, fights back but gets clotheslined down. He destroys the knee some more and Brodus has to be helped out.

Bryan is in the back with AJ and says when he wins, the triple threat will become a fatal fourway. AJ says Bryan has to face Kane. A No vs. Yes battle erupts.

Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres

Eve tries to bail but Kelly takes her down with a Thesz Press. What would a Kelly match be without a Stinkface either? I’m so glad she came back do do that. Eve tries to walk again but Kelly throws her into the barricade. A top rope cross body gets two for Kelly but she gets slammed into the mat coming out of the corner. Eve puts on a chinlock which is quickly broken up. Kelly hits a standing rana for the pin at 3:04.

Rating: D. Dang it this had to be long enough to rate. I don’t care about Kelly Kelly at all. Yes, she looks good in a swimsuit but that’s about all she has going for her. Her wrestling is ok at best and I refuse to take a girl seriously when her song is about hollering in a club. Nothing to see here but at least it was longer than the usual jokes that the Divas matches are. That’ll help somewhat in the long run.

We recap Sheamus being a criminal earlier tonight. He’s TOUTING about it which we’ll see in a bit.

Here’s Shawn Michaels to a big hometown pop. Shawn says he’s out of shape from only coming down the aisle once every two weeks. He thanks the fans for allowing him to be part of history again at Raw 1000. Shawn talks about there being a lot of new faces in the locker room today but the thing that is the same is that a lot of people are talking about HHH vs. Lesnar at Summerslam.

Cue Lesnar and Heyman with the latter saying everyone should be asking Shawn for his opinion on the match at Summerslam. Brock isn’t going into Summerslam as an entertainer but as a fighter. He’s going to prove that he’s the baddest dude on the planet today. Well, after Ace and Douglas of course. Shawn talks about how Lesnar has pushed HHH further than anyone else ever has and how he barely recognizes HHH anymore.

Shawn picks HHH on this day and he wants to be in HHH’s corner to watch it. Paul tells Brock that that was the big moment that’ll be played over and over. Lesnar takes the mic from Heyman and says the only reason Shawn thinks HHH will win is he’s never been in the ring with Brock until now. Cue HHH to save his buddy. Brock says he’ll see HHH at Summerslam and he’ll see HBK before then.

We get a TOUT from Sheamus at the Alamo. We watch this on Cole’s computer. Seriously.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley

Jericho is on commentary and talks about an article comparing Ziggler and Jericho. It’s nice to hear him having some energy on commentary instead of talking all slow. Feeling out process to start and Ziggler takes over. After some trash talk to Jericho, Dolph dropkicks Riley’s head off and drops an elbow for two. Riley makes a brief comeback but charges into the post shoulder first. A neckbreaker gets two and Jericho thinks it’s time to TOUT IT OUT BABY! The distraction lets Riley roll up Ziggler for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D+. This is what you call storyline advancement. I know that’s a new thing to a lot of you, but it does exist. The Touting doesn’t need to exist and is annoying, but at least we got something new in Jericho vs. Ziggler. Jericho is the undisputed master of putting people over at this point so Ziggler feuding with him is nothing but good.

AJ announces (via Twitter) that it’s Miz vs. Kane next.

Sheamus TOUTS IT OUT AGAIN, this time from the Riverwalk. He’s having Mexican food now.

Kane vs. The Miz

Non-title again. Kane slams him into the corner to start but misses a big boot, allowing Miz to take out the other leg. A powerslam is countered by another shot to the knee and the short DDT gets two. Kane comes back with a pair of uppercuts but Miz takes the knee out again. Off to a chinlock by Miz but Kane powers out and slams Miz down for two. Miz avoids a charge but the Finale is broken up. Kane throws him into the buckle “face” first and chokeslams him for the pin at 3:50 because champions can’t win more than a match a night on Raw.

Rating: D. The botches in this match were bad looking and the ending of Miz losing clean makes it even worse. I love Kane but there was no need for him to win here. This was pretty weak overall with a nonsensical decision on top of everything else. Why would I think this was good?

Del Rio’s car is back and it’s mostly covered in mud.

John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan

They have about 25 minutes here if they want to go pretty long. Ricardo and Del Rio find the car and yell a lot. Alberto blames Ricardo. Scratch the 25 minutes thing as after a break it’s 10:45 and Cena hasn’t been out yet. Cena back him into the ropes to start as the fans are split on Cena again. Bryan heads to the floor to eyll at the fans and comes back inside for a chinlock.

Bryan gets Cena to chase him on the floor and takes over, hitting a jumping knee off the apron to Cena’s head. He gets in a big YES vs. NO war with a fan dressed as a referee and we take a break. Back with Bryan knocking Cena down again and stomping in the corner. The running corner dropkick gets two as Cena is in some trouble. Bryan fires off kicks in the corner and drop toeholds a charging Cena into the buckle for two.

Off to an armbar from Bryan followed by a knee drop to the back of the head for two. Cena escapes the armbar again and starts his finishing sequence. There’s the Shiffle but the AA is countered into a guillotine choke. Cena finally rams him into the corner to escape but he can’t get the STF. Bryan rolls him up for two and gets the same off a big kick to the head. Bryan goes up and hits the swan dive for two and it’s time for the NO Kicks. The last one misses and Cena grabs the STF. Bryan breaks the grip almost with ease and tries the No Lock, but Cena counters into a modified AA for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. This was a good match and while it wasn’t as big as they were hyping it up to be, it worked very well. These two have the skill to pull off a major match, but at the end of the day it has the major problem I expected it to: Bryan isn’t the kind of guy you would expect to be able to beat Cena. That’s a problem if these guys are going to have a major PPV match down the line. Still though, good stuff here.

Post match Punk comes out to pose with the belt but Cena shoves him down to fight the coming Big Show. Cena loads up the AA but Punk breaks it up again. Punk jumps on a headset and says that maybe it’s his fault he’s in the triple threat. He goes into a big rant about how he’s tired of doing the right thing and now Raw is ending with him standing tall. Then he goes in the ring and Big Show knocks him out cold with one punch. Cena gets knocked out too to end the show. You still don’t belong in this match bald man.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a MUCH better show than last week in a few regards. The wrestling last week was probably better, but the pacing this week made this a much more bearable show. There weren’t fifteen recaps and they kept the social media down to a level where you didn’t want to kill a Swedish goat. Sheamus vs. Del Rio got some time this week, but stealing and destroying a car doesn’t make me think that much of Sheamus. Better show but at the end of the day, there is zero reason for Raw to go three hours, period.

Results
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – GTS
Alberto Del Rio b. Christian – Cross Armbreaker
Randy Orton vs. Big Show went to a double countout
Ryback b. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks – Shell Shock to Hawkins
Primo/Epico b. Prime Time Players – Backstabber to Young
Kelly Kelly b. Eve Torres – Hurricanrana
Alex Riley b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup
Kane b. The Miz – Chokeslam
John Cena b. Daniel Bryan – Attitude Adjustment

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