Cyber Sunday 2006: A Moment That Always Makes Me Laugh

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Date: November 5, 2006
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re obviously on Sunday now as this should be a bit better of a show, at least in theory. We have a main event of Champion vs. Champion vs. Champion as Big Show vs. Booker T vs. John Cena is the main event. The vote is which title is on the line. This also has a very long Rated RKO vs. DX match on it and one of my favorite comedy moments ever in wrestling if not my favorite. All that being said let’s get to it.

The video is about how we have the power and it lists off most of the matches and the stipulations we can pick.

The first vote is who fights Umaga with the choices being Sandman, Kane or Benoit. Benoit, the US Champion, is last as Kane more or less dominates the poll with nearly 50%. And what a coincidence that these two had been feuding!

Umaga vs. Kane

Umaga had sent Kane to either Smackdown or ECW recently so again there’s a point to this, which is just so convenient no? It was Smackdown apparently. Umaga is still undefeated here. Kane can’t hurt him with a headbutt as it’s good to see that Vince is keeping up with his stereotypes. Total slugout to start and Kane no sells a bunch of stuff. Pretty boring match so far but what do you expect?

The Samoan hits a downward spiral of all things to take over. This needs to end already and we’re like three minutes into it. The running hip shot has Kane reeling. Ok apparently it woke him up. Is this supposed to make sense? A massive Samoan in your face wakes you up? Also what is it with Samoans and slamming into people in the corner?

Kane starts his comeback and has the…uh….small man in trouble. Estrada gets up on the apron to do nothing of note and Kane sits up after the Samoan Drop. This has gotten better if you couldn’t tell. He jumps off for the clothesline but jumps into the Samoan Spike and another one ends it.

Rating: D+. This got better but still not by much. It’s ok but that’s about all it was. Umaga would get a main event push very soon but it never really went anywhere either. This was a pretty decent opener I guess but the crowd was pretty much dead for it which is really weird. Kane jobs again. What a shock that is.

Show and Sharmell talk and Sharmell tries to talk Show out of the match. Oh wait she wants them to team up. This is generic and stupid but it’s standard fair for shows and matches like these.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

Time for the moment referenced in the title.  Shawn and HHH are at a computer with Shawn voting on who should be the referee in their match tonight.  They’ve tormented Coach and Vince enough, so that leaves Bischoff.  HHH tells Shawn he’s not controversial enough anymore, sending Shawn into a frenzy.  He asks a production guys what his name is.  Production guy: “Stan.”  Shawn: “Stan?” Then he superkicks Stan.  It’s so out of nowhere that it works perfectly.  Then Shawn runs down the hall, superkicking everyone he runs into.  Youtube this.  It’s hilarious and cracks me up every time.

The next pick is for Jeff Hardy’s opponent with the choices being Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin and Carlito, who wins in a LANDSLIDE with over 60% of the vote.

Intercontinental Title: Carlito vs. Jeff Hardy

The title was getting a bit of a rejuvenation around this time before dying again soon after this due to one Santino. I think both are faces here but I’m not sure. They shake hands so I’d assume so. They do some mat/technical stuff but it’s botched pretty badly. And there’s another semi-botch. Either they’re doing a really weird style or they’re just botching a lot of stuff. Someone really wants Carlito to cut his hair.

Hardy’s rail running clothesline is countered by a dropkick in a decent looking move. Twist of Fate is reversed as this is getting better. The one that isn’t on national TV at the moment controls as we’re just waiting around a lot at this point. What we’re waiting for I’m not sure but the fans think this is boring. I can’t say I disagree. We’ve had a lot of Carlito using a reverse bearhug on the mat. Yes he’s being lazy. I’m shocked too.

From that we head to a sleeper. I bet the concession stand people are loving this. Crowd is pretty dead for this and I can’t blame them at all. I love people complaining about Cole and Lawler now as he and JR are botching a ton of lines here. Jeff makes a comeback but the Swanton hits knees. Whisper in the Wind gets two as this part at least is good. Carlito misses a hurricanrana and the Swanton finally ends it.

Rating: D+. The ending made it watchable but DANG the stalling here was stupid. They just laid around here far too long and it just was boring for the most part. It’s about 13 minutes long but the majority of that is just Carlito doing rest holds. This could have been good if Carlito wasn’t so lazy, but then again if he wasn’t he’d still be employed.

Ad for one of Hogan’s DVDs.

We recap DX vs. Rated RKO which was about Orton and Edge teaming up to take Raw back from DX and its selfishness. This was a cool idea for an angle but of course HHH got hurt as he was known to do. Naturally this allows us to have a DX montage package since that’s just what you do. The choices here are Vince, Coach or Bischoff.

D-Generation X Vs. Rated RKO

DX’s intro takes forever of course even though they come out first. Bischoff gets sixty percent of the vote, beating Vince and Coach combined. This makes me question the legitimacy here as Bischoff getting that many especially with Vince in the poll is REALLY odd. He’s going to be against DX here for no adequately explained reason. It says a lot when HBK, probably the best and biggest star of these four, is the one with the least world titles on his resume.

We see Edge’s back as Shawn pulls his tights down. We’ll he’s had it done so often to him I guess he had to return the favor to someone. HHH says he’s coming in off the top then says screw it and just climbs down. That was kind of funny. It was completely pointless but it was kind of funny. All DX to start here but I think that was more or less expected. Lots of punching here so far but we’re only a few minutes into it.

Orton is really arrogant here and is perfect as the total jerk. He’s not quite as good as he was two years before, but he was great back then so it’s hard to call him at his best. Shawn comes in and we get the forearm and nip-up like five minutes into this. Orton stops Chin Music though and crotches Shawn. He plays Ricky Morton now, which says a lot about how much the Midnights and the Rock N Roll Express changed and influenced wrestling.

Shawn’s selling really is great. You would believe he’s been run over by a bus off of every move he takes, which really makes the other guy look devastating. Naturally, Orton hits a chinlock. Shawn gets out of the way of a spear and down goes Bischoff to a solid pop. Naturally DX waits for a tag to have HHH come in even though there’s no referee. Uh…moral?

Spear takes down HHH and Edge does a crotch chop so he takes a plancha from Shawn for his troubles. RKO puts HHH down and here’s a spare referee to count the two. This all took like a minute so sorry for the commentary. Sweet Chin Music to Orton gets two since Bischoff pulls the referee out of the ring. A chair is brought in and both DX guys get popped with it and Bischoff doesn’t seem to mind. RKO on the chair ends it.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but there was just something missing. It felt rushed even though this somehow was pushing 20 minutes. The beginning is just a bunch of punches and then Shawn got in trouble, setting up the ref bump and the ending. It’s definitely a good match but this could have been more if the time they had was used more properly, which isn’t something you often have to say about a match Shawn is in.

Ad for The Marine, which wasn’t that bad.

Rated RKO says nothing of note.

The Divas come out to be told who to do. Make your own jokes on that one. It’s a lumberjack match.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Lita

Trish retired so we had a four Diva tournament to set this up. Lita is about a month from retiring at this point so she’s more or less destined to win. Mickie throws the absolute worst dropkick anyone with a great rack has ever thrown. This is horrible but at least we get to look at Mickie’s figure. Lita as a heel just doesn’t work from an in ring perspective. She hooks on a sleeper that does fairly well.

Not that it wins or anything since it’s a freaking sleeper but nice try if nothing else. Instead of a match here, Lita seems like she’s just there doing moves on Mickie with no particular rhyme or reason. The girls do their thing of course and nothing of note is going on here at all. Lita blocks/Mickie botches the Stratusfaction and Mickie gets a rollup for two. The other Divas get involved and a spike DDT ends it for Lita.

Rating: D. This was boring really. The only highlights were Mickie and Lita’s chest. Other than that we were just sitting around watching this nonsense go on and on. The match never went anywhere as it’s clear Lita just didn’t care anymore. Mickie would win the title from Lita at Survivor Series in Lita’s retirement match.

Mania is in Detroit.

Kenny yells at the Spirit Squad and says he’s better than they are so he’s the leader.

Raw Tag Titles: Ric Flair/??? vs. Spirit Squad

The vote is for Flair’s partner. The choices are Piper, Slaughter and Dusty. Piper, looking VERY old, gets the nod. Is there supposed to be a connection between Slaughter and Flait that I’m just not getting? Piper takes his shirt off and I get mad at him. How could he not tell us he was 8 months pregnant? He even has breasts full of milk! Dusty and Slaughter come out to back up the old guys for this.

Kenny and Mikey are the two in the ring at the moment. Ross says this is like Lebron vs. Michael Jordan. Well no one ever claimed Ross toned things down. Both tag and Piper is pathetic looking. Piper gets beaten up as Flair is by far the ace of the team. That’s either awesome or sad and I’m not sure which. The heels dominate for the most part while Piper just kind of lays there.

The hot tag brings in Flair and Mikey is in the figure four but Kenny saves with his top rope legdrop. Are we waiting on the Piper hot tag now? It’s clear that Flair is the only guy on his team in any semblance of shape. Figure four goes on again and OLD GUYS WIN! Dusty and Slaughter come in to stop the big beatdown. Rhodes’ music of all things plays them out. Ah ok it’s so they can dance.

Rating: D-. This was pretty pathetic really. Flair is passable but Piper was clearly just in nothing close to wrestling shape. He would at least wear a t-shirt for the rest of his time in the ring which is a nice break. They would drop the belts in 8 days to Rated RKO so at least this wasn’t long or anything. The match was bad though, namely due to Piper.

Booker tries to get Cena on his side and Cena says ok, but he wants one night with the Queen. Can’t say he’s not smart as Sharmell is rather attractive. Booker sends Sharmell out and then says ok to a HUGE shocked pop. Cena asks if he’s crazy as that’s Booker’s wife. He leaves and makes up a story to Sharmell about this weird orgy that he gets to watch. Funnier than it sounds, and Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Ad for Survivor Series, where it’s brand vs. brand vs. brand.

Some Bengals are here.

We see how all three champions got their titles in a cool package.

Basically you’re voting for who you want to win here since no title is going to be unified here. Booker wins by a landslide.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Booker is knocked to the floor almost immediately and it’s Cena vs. Show for a long time. We swap that out for Booker vs. Cena as it’s clearly going to be a basic triple thread with two guys fighting for awhile as the third is down. Show gets two and Cena makes the save. A double clothesline puts the big man on the floro and something tells me that’s the last we’re going to see from him for a LONG time.

Of course I’m wrong as he makes a save off a Fisherman’s suplex from Cena. Show gets the stairs but gets a dropkick to his knee, driving his head into the steps. Ok that’s how they get rid of him. Book End gets two in the ring. Just to mess with the internet, Cena hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for a top rope splash. Lawler points out Cena has nothing to lose here which is true.

It’s been Booker vs. Cena for about 4 minutes now with Show on the floor. Both counter the other’s finisher and we’re about even. STFU doesn’t work as this just isn’t that much at all, mainly because we know nothing is coming from this since Show is going to be back eventually to stop whatever is going on here. Token plug for the Marine follows as Cena is in control.

After about seven minutes Show is finally up. That’s part of the issue with matches like these: a move like that would never keep a guy down that long but here it’s perfectly normal. A missile dropkick puts Show down and takes Cena down with him since Cena was on Show’s shoulders. Wow that came out awkward but you get the idea. Show takes over now and takes Cena to the floor.

And so much for that theory as Show gets put down (and booed loudly) before the 5 Knuckle Shuffle has Booker in trouble. FU to Sharmell as she tries to hit Cena with a belt. STFU on Booker and KEVIN FREAKING FEDERLINE comes in and blasts Cena with a belt. A belt shot from Booker lets him keep the title.

Rating: D+. Just a bad match overall. There was no way a title was changing here and since Show couldn’t stay in there longer than like two minutes at a time due to general fatness, this was a glorified one on one match. It’s a cool idea on paper but other than that it’s really not that much. The over twenty minutes did go by quickly though which was nice.

Overall Rating: D. These shows just aren’t that good. The voting thing is a cool idea but the problem comes when the matches simply aren’t any good no matter what you throw out there. The Champion of Champions match was a good idea but it was really weak given Show laying on the ground for most of it. Like I’ve said for a long time, these should be TV specials rather than PPVs. Nothing big ever happens and the tag titles changing hands is almost predictable at this point. Bad show, but not too bad.

 

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