Monday Night Raw – October 29, 2012: Dear Goodness They’ve Made Punk An Idiot Too

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2012
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

It’s past HIAC and we’re on the way to Survivor Series now. Ryback got screwed over by the referee that Punk and Heyman yelled at a few weeks ago because of the botched call in the Cena match. Other than that we’ve got Big Show as Smackdown Champion in a decision I like the less I see it. I’m not sure what’s coming tonight but let’s get to it.

Here’s a very banged up champion (Punk) to open the show. He says everyone thought, nay they KNEW, that Punk would be just another victim (hi Taz) in the path of destruction of Ryback. Punk points at a lot of people and says they were wrong. He talks about beating all of the heroes the WWE fans have: Mysterio, Orton, Cena, and now Ryback. As for the referee last night, he had nothing to do with it and only took advantage of the situation. He talks about how awesome his reign is and how there’s no rematch with Ryback.

Cue Foley with an interruption that annoys Punk. Punk: “It’s a homeless guy who got misplaced by the storms in the northeast.” Foley talks about how Ryback left Punk laying on top of the Cell and Punk wants to know why Foley is here. Mick talks about how he told Punk to make himself famous in the Cell instead of cheating again. Punk says that the bandages on his body are the results of doing what Foley told him to do.

Punk rips into the audience a bit and says that the belt is what represents tradition for the last 344 days. The champ throws out the idea of Team Foley vs. Team Punk at Survivor Series and Foley says you’re on. Cue Ryback and Punk runs. No word on if Foley is wrestling in the match or not.

Ryback vs. JTG

Meathook, Shell Shock, 1:58. A lot of that was JTG walking around and a Thesz Press into the head smashes into the mat.

Post match Ryback…..talks? He says that revenge is an admission of pain. He isn’t hurt and the next time he feasts, it will be on Punk. FEED ME PUNK.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Is there some rule that says if you have one match, you have to have it again on the next TV show? Orton dropkicks Wade to the floor but Wade goes after the bad arm. Randy is like DRAMATIC STARE and rams Wade into the steps and the announce table. Back in and Orton hits the Circle Stomp followed by a clothesline to take Barrett to the floor. Uh oh, it’s been less than five minutes since we had a commercial, so let’s go to a break.

Back with Barrett holding an armbar followed by a different variety of an armbar (that’s a good thing) to have Orton in trouble. Wade cranks the arm and sends Orton down to the mat for two. There’s the big boot to Orton in the ropes which gets another two. Orton comes back with his usual stuff (clotheslines, powerslam, you know the deal) but after the Elevated DDT, the RKO is countered into the Winds of Change for two. Not that it matters as the second attempt at the RKO gets the pin at 10:11.

Rating: C. I like Barrett, but YET AGAIN he’s a guy that gets off to a hot start and then turns into cannon fodder for the established names. But hey, it’s his fault for not getting over right? To be fair, Barrett at least gets in a good deal of offense and never looks like a clueless putz out there. This was nothing compared to their match on Smackdown though.

We go to Vickie and AJ in the back with AJ possibly getting a job as a Diva back. Vickie asks what AJ thinks her weakness is and she says she gets too attached to her job. Vickie says that means you’re crazy right? AJ has to come up with a good reason to get her job back when Vickie gets back.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Lose on PPV, fight the champions on Raw. Makes sense. Bryan fires off kicks to Young to start but Kane tags himself in and beats on Darren a bit as well. Young takes over on Bryan as Cole called him Darren O’Neil. Bryan realizes he’s getting beaten up by Darren Young and makes the tag to Kane. The side slam sets up the top rope clothesline and a chokeslam kills Young. Titus is shoved to the floor and the NO Lock gets the tap from Young at 4:22.

Rating: D+. Total squash here as the Players, who three months ago seemed like the next champions, are now the tag team jobbers. At least the champions get to look good here which is the right idea for them. The bickering is still funny but I’d like a few more comedy bits from them which have just stopped happening anymore.

The champs argue post match.

We recap the opening promo.

We recap the history of Brad Maddox, with the guy being brought in as a referee when we needed more for the three hour shows. He messed up a count on Punk in a tag match and then somehow his next major appearance is refereeing a world title match in the main event of a PPV. Makes sense.

Here’s Vickie to talk about the new era on Raw. This would be the third new era on Raw this year if you’re counting. She has evidence of AJ and Cena’s inappropriate relationship and brings out Cena to present it. We get a clip from three weeks ago where Cena jokingly asked AJ out on a date. Cena talks about how he tells jokes all the time but Vickie has more footage of Cena hugging a crying AJ. Vickie shows us a still of Cena at dinner with AJ. Cena is wearing his t-shirt and there’s a candle.

The last video is Cena in his hotel doorway and Cena seemingly inviting AJ in. Apparently it was an elevator. Cena says it was nothing and they went their separate ways. Vickie laughs evil and insults AJ, but Cena defends her. FINALLY Ziggler comes out to hopefully make this something resembling interesting if you have 20/4000 vision and squint. Cena says don’t talk about him and AJ anymore and shoves Ziggler down. This felt like WWE ripping off the Claire Lynch story.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Antonio makes fun of America having fat kids which is going to get worse because of Halloween. Miz is on commentary and neither title is on the line. Cole talks about how Kofi has beaten Miz three times in a row. Yet the feud looks to be continuing. You know: because THAT MAKES SENSE. Miz lists off his accomplishments as Cesaro slams Kofi down and double stomps him. After a chinlock goes on for a bit they head to the floor where Kofi throws Cesaro at Miz. Miz interferes for the DQ at 2:32.

The heels beat down Kofi post match until Truth makes the save.

Vickie continues to annoy AJ and offers to give AJ a job as a Diva if AJ admits to the affair. Vickie hires her back anyway and AJ gets to face Beth Phoenix tonight.

We go Behind the Music with 3MB. Mahal says he’s the fun one and Drew talks about his looks. They refuse to perform and THEY HAVE HAND SIGNS. This was so campy that it was AWESOME.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. 3MB

Drew is on the floor for this. Mahal and Ryder start things off with Ryder taking over. Mahal gets in a knee and it’s off to Slater who takes over. Ryder gets beaten on for awhile before Santino gets the tag. Everything breaks down and the match gets REALLY sloppy until Santino Cobras McIntyre, allowing Slater to hit MVP’s Play of the Day for the pin at 3:51.

Rating: D. It’s 9:37pm EST right now and 3MB has been by far and away the most entertaining thing on this show. Here’s why: it’s the only thing (other than maybe HELL NO) that isn’t being treated as the most serious thing on the planet. It’s something FUN, which is probably the biggest problem on Raw right now: everything is treated so seriously and it’s hard to sit through as it gets tiring after awhile. Sometimes it’s ok to just throw something light and silly out there and let the fans know they’re watching an entertainment show, not a high strung drama.

Jerry Lawler returns to Raw in two weeks. That’s awesome.

AJ vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth glares at AJ to start and says AJ should be scared. Beth shoves her and AJ goes nuts, but Beth slams her down onto the mat. AJ gets her face rubbed into the mat and we head to the floor. AJ gets rammed into the barricade but back inside she grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:08.

Vickie comes out post match and demands more from AJ. Beth jumps her so Vickie says restart the match. Glam Slam gets the pin in like ten seconds.

Video on WWE 13.

Here’s Sheamus sans belt for the first time in months. He says that he’s got a smile on his face but no title. Show was the better man last night but it took two knockout punches to do it. He didn’t come to WWE to win all the time. He came here to fight. Last night was the greatest fight of his life and Big Show won. The war is far from over though and he wants a rematch with Big Show. After the war is over, he’ll be smiling and still champion.

Cue Big Show who is very happy to have the title back. He says that the fight last night took him to levels that he didn’t know he could reach and thinks that no one can beat him. If Sheamus fights him again, it’s going to take more than Sheamus has to win. Sheamus can’t beat him and he’ll never take the title from him. He calls Sheamus a ginger snap, so Sheamus picks him up and hits White Noise with ease. That’s scary power.

Cena is with AJ in the back and says it’ll be ok. Cena leaves and Vickie pops up to yell at….Beth. Vickie FIRES Beth because the match shouldn’t have needed to be restarted. That’s how they’re writing her off TV I guess.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cara and Sandow start things off and Damien is quickly frustrated. Off to Cody who gets kicked by both guys and covered for two by Rey. The Scholars cheat and take over on Rey but the masked dudes start cheating as well. Cara hits a PERFECT Asai Moonsault to take Cody out as Rey hits a seated senton off the apron on Sandow as we take ANOTHER FREAKING BREAK.

Back with Damien tagging in Cody to work on the down Sin Cara. A long delayed gordbuster gets two for Cody and it’s time for arm work. Damien comes in and does nothing but Cara reverses an Alabama Slam into a sunset flip for two. Cara’s spinning mat slam puts Cody down and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey speeds things up but gets sent to the floor where the Scholars double team him to take over. Sandow comes in and hits the Wind Up Elbow before tagging back to Rhodes.

Rey counters a double suplex into a double DDT and there’s the tag to Cara. Cara hits a top rope cross body on Rhodes and an enziguri on Sandow for two before going to the floor with Cody. Everything breaks down and Cody pulls Sandow out of the way of a Swanton from Cara, allowing Sandow to hit the Terminus for the pin at 14:43.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but it’s the weekly match that gets extended because we can only stretch out so many recaps and stupid segments. The match was fine, but was there any reason to have the masked guys lose tonight? Why not have them off the card, have Santino/Marella lose here, and have some other random team put the Band over? It’s like you could keep the masked guys hot and put the Scholars over at the same time!

Foley is playing a video game when Heyman comes up and they banter about the Survivor Series match a bit.

Video on breast cancer. Make that a long one about it. Eh it’s the last show of the month with this stuff. The roster (most of it) comes on stage and Cena presents a check to the Susan G Komen Foundation in the amount of one million dollars. Ok that’s awesome. The people from the foundation speak a bit.

Justin Gabriel vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto pounds him down to start but Gabriel comes back with a corner clothesline. Gabriel sends him to the floor but Del Rio wrenches Gabriel’s arm to take over. Off to an arm hold as Ricardo yells at a Hogan fan at ringside. A suplex puts Gabriel down and it’s back to the arm hold. Del Rio kicks him in the back a bit and puts the hold on for a third time. Gabriel comes back and hits his top rope Lionsault but it’s the armbreaker for the tap at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Gabriel beats the US Champion last week, loses to him last night, then gets squashed tonight. All those fans that looked at Gabriel as something new, SCREW YOU! HE’S A LOSER! That’s the WWE idea anymore: keep people looking weak even if they’re big names, because only a few people are allowed to stay pushed.

Here are Heyman and Punk to announce the Survivor Series teams. Punk comes out in a WWE 13 video game hoodie. A big banner comes down with the cover of the game on it. Heyman has been asked to pick Team Punk, so his first name is The Miz. He’s also picked the Rhodes Scholars and Alberto. If it’s not clear at this point who most of Foley’s team is (assuming he’s not wrestling), you need to pay better attention.

Punk runs his mouth a bit before Foley cuts him off again. Foley says Punk weaseled his way out of the Cell last night instead of surviving. He has no problem referring to Punk as champion, but he does have a problem addressing him as a man. Foley’s team is about what you would expect: Kofi (no belt), HELL NO (no belts either), Orton and….Punk starts running his mouth when he thinks Foley is the fifth man. Since….you know what, screw the joke. Ryback is the fifth man, Punk is suddenly an IDIOT that didn’t see that coming, and a brawl (Punk runs from Ryback) won by Team Foley with Cody getting killed by Ryback ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was another bad three hour Raw which is the norm. I’m not going to go into full details of why I didn’t like this Raw as I don’t have the time right now to get into everything in depth, but for now, we’ll go with this: you may have heard of something called comic relief. Think about that term for a second.

It’s comedy used to take pressure off something. That’s what this show is dying for right now. Other than the 3MB and maybe HELL NO, everything is serious. We’ve got people fighting to keep their jobs, accusations of affairs, war, and CANCER. It’s ok to do something stupid every now and then and it can really make things better. In short, lighten up already. It’s not the most serious show in the world.

I know that’s not much to go on, but I’ll be back tomorrow (or Wednesday) with a much more in depth look at what I think is wrong with WWE and Raw in particular.

Results

Ryback b. JTG – Shell Shock

Randy Orton b. Wade Barret – RKO

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – NO Lock to Young

Kofi Kingston b. Antonio Cesaro via DQ when Miz interfered

3MB b. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder – Spinning Neckbreaker to Marella

AJ b. Beth Phoenix – Small Package

Rhodes Scholars b. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio – Terminus to Cara

Alberto Del Rio b. Justin Gabriel – Cross Armbreaker

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