In wrestling, the stories are moved forward by whatever the writers come up with for that particular feud. The stories are enhanced by the matches and it’s a combination of the two that form what is called a program. However, it’s becoming more and more common in wrestling to see the same stories over and over again. This is something that causes wrestling to be dull and therefore needs to be changed. Today we’ll look at how easily this can be done. Let’s get to it.

A few months ago, the main feud over on Smackdown was for the world title between Sheamus and Del Rio. During the course of this insufferable three month feud, one of the plot points was that Sheamus stole Del Rio’s car and drove around San Antonio with it. Del Rio pressed charges against him for it. Now that’s one way to push a storyline forward and is perfectly fine. Then a few weeks later, more legal charges were brought against Sheamus because of him using the Brogue Kick.

Think about that for a minute: in the span of the same story that stretched over three months, the same plot advancement device was used twice. Is WWE really that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with something new or at least something they haven’t done in awhile every few months? Let’s think about this concept a little bit more but on a wider scale.

The majority (note that I said majority so don’t mention ones I didn’t bring up) of storylines in the company are as follows: corrupt authority figure/GM under review, legal issues, a romance, someone wanting respect, or someone winning a #1 contenders match to earn a shot at the title. How many storylines can you come up with that aren’t either those or something incredibly similar to those?

This brings me to the title of this piece. Back in 2002, Booker T started talking about being up for a starring role in a (fictitious) Japanese shampoo commercial. After taking too long to seal the deal on it, Edge wound up getting the job instead. This led to a match at Wrestlemania between the two of them.

Now the match was nothing special, but this story is remembered because of how unusual it was. That’s the key change that I think needs to be done today in wrestling. Well one of them anyway. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel with these things, but you need to come up with a fresh way of looking at things. Just off the top of my head, here are some stories that haven’t been done in years that have been used to set up a match or a feud. These are all real stories that have been used before in major(ish) companies:

Attempted vehicular manslaughter

Blinding another man using hair cream (or cologne)

The crushing of a snake (tell me Santino couldn’t have a feud over this)

Racism (Direct quote: “That man isn’t a caucasian!”)

Using voodoo to harm an opponent

Fear of an object or creature (snakes and coffins have been used)

The theft and cooking of a pet

Refusing to accept help from someone

A bet

Attacking a family member

Breaking an action figure

Stalking

Taking someone else’s property

I could go on and on but I think you get the point. In short, you can make a story out of anything. It’s so easy to throw out something that hasn’t been done in a good while and make a story out of it. From the list, look at the Freebirds vs. Von Erichs feud. The feud started on Christmas Day in 1982 when Kerry Von Erich was facing Ric Flair in a cage for the world title in Dallas. Michael PS Hayes was refereeing and tried to help his friend Kerry win the title. Kerry didn’t want it that way, so Hayes’ stablemate in the Freebirds Terry Gordy slammed the cage door on Von Erich’s head. Kerry’s brothers evened the odds against the Freebirds and the groups feuded for most of the 1980s.

I could give you examples of others, but it would just be overkill. It’s so easy to make a feud happen over something that hasn’t been done in awhile but it never happens anymore. As Jim Cornette said, you can redo anything seven years later and it’ll seem fresh. That makes perfect sense, as a lot of the audience isn’t going to be the same as it was seven years earlier.

For example, back in 1992 Undertaker feuded with Kamala, who was managed by Harvey Whippleman. Undertaker destroyed Kamala and Whippleman vowed revenge. Harvey brought in the 7’7 Giant Gonzalez to avenge Kamala. The point of the feud was that Gonzalez towered above Undertaker and Undertaker couldn’t use his normal offense against him. Undertaker eventually won the final match of the feud in a gimmick match.

In 2005, Undertaker feuded with Muhammad Hassan, who was managed by Daivari. Undertaker destroyed Hassan and Daivari vowed revenge. Daivari brought in Mark Henry to avenge Hassan. Undertaker destroyed Henry and Daivari vowed revenge. Daivari brought in 7’5 Great Khali to avenge Henry and Hassan. The point of the feud was that Khali towered above Undertaker and Undertaker couldn’t use his normal offense against him. Undertaker eventually won the final match of the feud in a gimmick match.

Obvious it’s the same story, but they’re about thirteen years apart. There will be some fans that are going to notice the story being repeated and complain about it, but how many fans do you think have no idea of the Gonzalez match or more importantly, how many do you think care thirteen years later? Repeating a storyline a long time apart is fine, but doing it multiple times every year doesn’t keep it interesting. It waters the story down and makes it less effective. You can only have a GM brought before the Board of Directors so many times before it gets predictable.

Quick sidebar: GM’s need to be eliminated, or at least cut WAY down. By having general managers around to make matches all the time, it takes away a lot of the ability for feuds to form naturally. If you want to have some invisible matchmaker then fine, but you don’t have to go to the back, have AJ on the phone, have one of the participants come into her office, and have her explain the match to him. For one thing, it’s a waste of time. I know 90 seconds doesn’t sound like long, but when you do that three times a show, you’re looking at almost five minutes wasted. How many matches can you think of that don’t last five minutes? I’ll give you a hint: most TV matches would fall into this category. End sidebar.

In short, WWE needs to mix up the ways they set up and advance feuds. There are A TON of possible ways to do it without using one of the same stories over and over again. Let the guys in the feud have some input once in awhile. Let them play to their strengths. Not everyone can be placed into the same stories and get the same results out of them. Mix things up a bit and the badly stale product can be made very fresh all over again. Who knows, you might even be able to find something that people care about and want to pay to see. I know it’s a stretch but it could happen.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 22, 2012
Location: IZOD Center, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

It’s the week before HIAC and the main event of Ryback vs. Punk for the title is finally set. There’s still a chance Cena will be thrown into the match but I’d really prefer if that wasn’t the case. Cena would overshadow Ryback which is one of the last things Ryback needs. The more I think about it, the less likely I think Ryback winning the title is, even though that might be the right move. Let’s get to it.

Tag Team Tournament Finals: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Rhodes Scholars

We immediately start with this. That’s a nice change of pace. Apparently AJ has been called to an emergency meeting with the WWE Board. Well it has only been a month or so since the Board last weighed in so it must be time for that to happen again. Cara and Rhodes start things off but it’s quickly off to Rey for some double teaming. It’s off to Sandow who gets caught in 619 position but Damien bails to the floor. Cara takes Cody out with a suicide dive as Rey takes out Sandow with the seated senton to the floor.

Cara hits a sweet springboard moonsault for two on Damien but a top rope cross body misses to give the Scholars the advantage. Both Damien and Cody take turns hammering on Cara but an enziguri takes Cody down as we take a break. Back with Cody holding Sin Cara by the arm and slamming him down. A knee drop keeps Cara down and it’s off to Sandow. After the windup elbow it’s back to Cody who is caught in a tornado DDT.

Hot tag brigns in Rey who spins Cody around a few times and drop toeholds him into the corner for a split legged moonsault for two. A double 619 hits the Scholars and the top rope splash hits Cody, but Sandow dives under the referee’s arm. Now that’s an innovative way to do it. Cara pulls Damien to the floor but Cody hits the Cross Rhodes on Rey for the pin and the title shot at 11:18.

Rating: C+. I’ll give them one thing: for a match that was pretty obvious given what happened on Smackdown, that was a solid false finish off the top rope splash. The Scholars were the best option here as you need a heel team for HELL NO to face. WWE has done a good job making the tournament feel like a big deal and the match should be fine. Good opener here.

HELL NO says HELL NO the Scholars won’t win the tag titles. Kane pulls Bryan away by the beard and does the corner fire thing.

Kofi Kingston vs. Michael McGillicutty

Non-title here and Miz is on commentary. I wonder if we’ll hear about these two being paired on NXT. McGillicutty takes control to start with a headlock as Miz talks about how great he is. It’s Miz vs. Ryback tonight apparently. With nothing happening in the match, Kofi kicks Michael’s head off for the pin at 2:28. There wasn’t much else to say in there, but man is it nice to see them using the huge roster they’ve got for situations like this instead of having guys that are currently being used job away.

Recap of the end of last week’s show.

Some New York Giants are here.

Here’s Cena to the usual New York/New Jersey welcome. He talks about how this Sunday isn’t a normal show because on Sunday we see change. Change is 6’3 and 291lbs and all it hears in his head is FEED ME MORE. Cue Punk who talks about how the Giants suck but the Giants in San Francisco are awesome. He says that he’s the best in the world and the current count is at 337 days.

Punk says he’ll retain the title in the Cell but now he changes his focus to Cena. The champ says that Cena has finally realized that he can’t beat Punk. Cena says that he wasn’t allowed to beat Punk. What does that even mean? Cena is now officially medically cleared and wants to fight Punk right now. Cena takes his shirt off and looks to have lost some muscle mass. Like A LOT of muscle mass. Punk goes to the ring and Heyman says no because he’s got Ryback on Sunday. This really made me want to see the Punk vs. Cena match on Sunday. Wait, Cena isn’t fighting Punk on Sunday? You could have fooled me.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel

This was good last week so hopefully it is again here. Cesaro gets the mic before the match and says something in a language other than English. I think he’s saying he’s the US Champion. Gabriel uses the distraction to dive over the top to take the champ (non-title here) down. Cesaro hits a quick hot shot to take over as JR reminds us that Cesaro says no American can beat him. JR: “Well he didn’t say anything about a South American.” We’ll ignore the fact that by the definition of the term, a South American would still be an American and focus on the fact that Gabriel is from South AFRICA, not South America.

Cesaro hooks a cravate before dropping Gabriel onto the buckle to take him down. Gabriel backflips out of the corner and hits a Nightmare on Helm Street for no cover. He loads up the 450 but gets crotched and Cesaro goes up. They slug it out on the top rope with Justin chopping him down. Cesaro charges back with another forearm shot but Justin kicks him in the head. There’s the 450 and it gets the pin at 4:40.

Rating: C. This started slow but it got a lot better in the end. I guess this sets up a rubber match on Sunday, but I wish it could have been through something else than a clean pin. At least the matches were both competitive and I wouldn’t mind seeing a third of these. On another note, Cole also screws up and says Gabriel missed the 450 last week. The move hit but Cesaro got a rope. I usually don’t notice commentary errors but those were glaring ones from both guys.

Vince is here and has AJ with him.

Vince and AJ are in the ring and apparently the Board has made a decision about AJ’s tenure as GM. AJ says that due to allegations of fraternizing with another superstar, she’s resigning as GM of Raw. She says the allegations are false and she could have been fired a long time ago, but some people just like crazy chicks. AJ talks about being raised near here and living in her car to being the boss of Raw. She thanks Vince….and here’s Heyman.

He says he was unaware of her life story and praises her for rising above everything including being a Jersey girl. Heyman lobbies for the job because someone has to take over immediately. Vince: “No.” Vince brings out someone who is not the GM but rather the managing supervisor of Raw. So they’re the GM. It’s Vickie Freaking Guerrero.

Heyman wants Vickie to give Punk the option of who he gets to face at HIAC. She says no and it’s Champion vs. Champion tonight. But wait, it’s a LUMBERJACK match. Good lord this is making me want to switch over to the debate. Heyman freaks out and Vickie yells at AJ for having an affair. Vickie throws AJ out so AJ goes psycho and attacks her, sending Vickie running away.

While we’re on a commercial, let me make this clear: I get that Vickie gets a lot of boos because of her catchphrase and she draws a good bit of heat. She’s a good choice as heel GM. That being said, I don’t want a GM. We flat out do not need one, or at least we don’t need one on TV five times a week making the same matches we get every week. You could save so much time by just having Cole say “I’m getting word from our GM that the main event tonight is so and so.” It saves time and you’ve got a match made. Freaking tweet it if nothing else. I can’t stand the GM concept and there’s no need for it to exist anymore.

Oh and anyone that says this is different than a GM or wants to correct me that it’s a managing supervisor or whatever it is, kindly shut up. It’s the same thing.

Ryback vs. The Miz

Miz looks worried about getting in the ring. Ryback finally pulls Miz into the ring and the beating begins. A big boot puts Miz down but he avoids the clothesline. Ryback hits the Vader body attack, a spinebuster, the clothesline and the Shell Shock ends this at 2:30.

Be A Star!

Eve is on the phone and lists off everyone AJ has been involved with. Kaitlyn comes up and accuses Eve being behind her attack at NOC. Kaitlyn shows her the picture of Eve’s iPad she took on Smackdown which freaks Eve out. Eve slaps the tar out of Kaitlyn’s mouth and they brawl until Layla comes in to break it up, then gets involved as well.

Sheamus is looking forward to the matches tonight and Sunday. Show comes in and hits Sheamus’ Brawling Buddy (a talking doll just like the old Wrestling Buddies. Those things were AWESOME!). This was nothing, as usual.

Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

They go back and forth to start as I wonder which guy they seemingly want to push is going to lose here tonight. Ziggler tries to speed things up to start but gets caught in a leg trip and a surfboard with a handful of face by Bryan. Well that’s certainly effective. Bryan gets kicked into the corner but he rolls to the mat, and in something I’ve never seen before, puts on a Figure Four from his back. That was awesome.

Ziggler grabs a rope and heads to the apron where he suplexes Bryan to the floor. Daniel is holding his knee…and here’s Kane to look after his little buddy. We take a break and come back with Bryan speeding things up and moonsaulting out of the corner before hitting a corner dropkick for two. The NO Lock is escaped and a DDT gets two for Dolph. Vickie apparently has a surprise for HELL NO. Ziggler misses a charge in the corner and some part of him hits something hard with a THUD. There’s a suicide dive by Bryan and we head back inside.

Bryan goes up top but Ziggler runs the corner and brings him down with an X-Factor off the top for two. This is getting awesome in a hurry. Bryan comes back with a HARD NO Kick to the face. Kane tries to get the crowd to chant YES but Bryan hates it, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag out of the corner for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. This was getting awesome after the break as these two were trading bombs and it became about who could hold on longer than the other. That’s a great idea and it worked very well here. I’m not sure if I like the ending or not but at least it’s something that fits their characters. These two could have some awesome matches together and it’s nice to see Dolph get a win.

Bryan and Kane argue but Striker comes out and says Vickie has announced a game show for them tonight, which is apparently similar to the Newlywed Game. They’ll be playing the Scholars in it after the break. Before the game though, let’s recap the AJ/Vickie stuff from earlier.

It’s time for the game which is apparently called the Newly Tagged Game. Both champions introduce themselves with Bryan getting madder and madder with everything he says. Kane says he’s a Scorpio, he enjoys long walks on the beach, rainbows and puppies. Striker: “Is that true?” Kane: “HELL NO!” They argue again and here are the Scholars.

Sandow thinks this is stupid and won’t play. Cody agrees (“What he said”) and HELL NO wins by forfeit. Bryan goes nuts in celebration but Kane stands up, turns over his chair, and chases Striker off. Striker says he doesn’t wish the champs luck Sunday….and he backs into Big Show who throws him across the stage. I seem to remember hearing about Striker having some heat on him and there may be some truth to that.

Big Show vs. Kane

Joined in progress after a break with Show in control and things going slowly. A chop in the corner misses and Kane fires off some clotheslines to stagger Show. There’s a spear to put Kane down and Show headbutts him a few times. An elbow drop gets two and it’s off to a bearhug. Kane can’t slam him as this continues to go slowly. A running DDT gets two for Kane as does the top rope clothesline. The Scholars come out and the distraction lets Show KO Kane for the pin at 5:38.

Rating: D. Of all the slow and very boring Kane vs. Big Show matches I’ve seen, this is the most recent. These two have been fighting for thirteen years now and it’s the same matches every time: they’re slow, they’re boring, they’re not entertaining. Also, nice job of having both champions lose to guys they’re not fighting on Sunday. That really makes me care about that match.

The Scholars beat up the champs post match.

Santino is talking to AJ when Cena comes up. He says if AJ needs anything, let him know. AJ is mad about the affair allegation. Cena offers to go find who it was and hear them out. AJ says it was Cena and she resigned to not drag Cena into it. Apparently they had a business dinner. AJ thinks Vickie is behind this somehow. Cena promises to take care of this and hugs her.

Post break Cena goes to see Vince and asks about Vickie and the whole AJ deal. Vince says not now but Cena wants an answer. Vince says there was incriminating evidence. AJ was on probation so it was just a matter of time anyway. Vince says Vickie is an interim thing and “She’s a managing supervisor. I don’t even know what that means.” At least they’re admitting it now.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder

Picture a squash with an upper midcarder against a jobber to the stars. It ends with the armbreaker in 2:45. The only different move than you would expect here is a superkick from Alberto. Fill in the details yourself.

Post match the hold goes on again and Alberto shouting TAP RANDY TAP!

Cena comes in to see Vickie, she says respect me, Cena says it’s nothing, Vickie says Cena asked her out and they went to dinner so it’s Cena’s fault AJ is fired. Holy sweet merciful Christmas WHO DO THEY THINK CARES ABOUT THIS???

Ziggler says AJ deserved to be fired. Cena is to be blamed for all this.

Video on Ryback.

Punk is watching the video and Heyman says don’t let it get to you. It gets to Punk.

Sheamus vs. CM Punk

This is the LARGEST lumberjack match in history. Picture any lumberjack match you’ve ever seen. This is even more worthless than any of those you’ve see before. Both guys are sent to the floor early and only Punk is thrown back in by the lumberjacks. Punk gets taken down as the crowd is silent. Given the show they’ve sat through, I can’t say I blame them. Punk gets clotheslined to the floor and nothing happens.

A backbreaker gets two for Sheamus and there are some forearms to the chest, but Punk guillotines him down. A top rope clothesline gets two for Punk before Sheamus is sent to the floor and stomped. We take a break and come back with Punk working on the arm. Punk goes up top for a pair of ax handles but the third is blocked by a shot to the ribs. Punk comes back and in a great heel move, Punk goes up for the Macho Elbow but when it gets a face pop, he hops down and drops a regular one.

Off to a chinlock again but Sheamus fights up and hits the ax handles to take over. There’s the Regal Roll and Punk goes to the apron for his ten forearms. A suplex gets two for Sheamus but Punk comes back with a kick to the face that didn’t appear to hit at all. Punk charges into White Noise but Punk rolls through. The Cloverleaf is countered as well and there’s the running knee in the corner for two.

Sheamus superplexes him down for two but the Irish Curse is broken up. GTS is countered but Sheamus is sent face first into the middle buckle for two. That’s the exact same finish (other than the buckle not being exposed) from their match at Main Event. Nice touch. The Macho Elbow misses and there’s the Irish Curse for two. The Cloverleaf is broken up again and Sheamus is sent to the floor one more time. Back in Sheamus hits White Noise but Cesaro comes in and takes the Brogue Kick. Show chokeslams Sheamus but somehow isn’t seen, giving Punk the pin at 18:13.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but this show has just killed me dead all night long. I don’t care about this match and I don’t think anyone else does either, especially considering we just saw it three weeks ago on Main Event. But hey, that was a completely different match because there were lumberjacks here right?

Ryback immediately comes out and destroys Punk with power moves. Punk keeps trying to run but the lumberjacks keep stopping him. Ryback throws Punk at the lumberjacks and Punk gets in the fetal position to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Before I start on this, let me say that Bryan vs. Ziggler was a very good match which I enjoyed a lot. Gabriel vs. Cesaro was fine too as was the opener. Those matches are exempt from what I’m going to say. This show sucked away every bit of interest I had last week. Things tonight were all about Cena, AJ and Vickie. That’s it. That’s what this show was about. Oh and HELL NO also. Yeah they were here too.

The problem is Vickie Guerrero and some semi-love angle with Cena and AJ does nothing for me. When Vickie’s name was announced, it was like getting punched in the stomach. Vickie being the boss is pretty much the most counter productive thing they could do right now. I know it’s not likely going to last long, but we’ve done so many corrupt boss angles lately that it just doesn’t matter. Who is this story supposed to appeal to? I honestly can’t figure that out. Who is this supposed to draw in and how does it make me want to buy the PPV? If you can answer those questions, you’re smarter than I am.

Results

Rhodes Scholars b. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio – Cross Rhodes to Mysterio

Kofi Kingston b. Michael McGillicutty – Trouble in Paradise

Justin Gabriel b. Antonio Cesaro – 450 Splash

Ryback b. The Miz – Shell Shock

Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan – Zig Zag

Big Show b. Kane – WMD

Albeto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker

CM Punk b. Sheamus – Pin after a chokeslam from Big Show

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Apparently due to fraternization with a Raw Superstar who hasn’t been named yet.  I was going to say “at least it’s not Vickie” but it’s FREAKING VICKIE.  This is really the best idea they can come up with?  She’s Managing Supervisor rather than GM though.  In other words, she’s GM.

Other than the time it was said that the Glamour Girls beat the Jumping Bomb Angels for the Women’s Tag Titles in Egypt.  You can find the match on the same Coliseum Video as Patterson vs. whatever that South American Champion whose name I can’t remember was in Rio, but the official WWE line is that the tag title change was in Egypt back in the 80s.

And yes, I am that big of a wrestling geek.

I’ve heard this asked before but I’d like to get some answers (serious or comical) to this question:When a GM makes the matches on the fly throughout the night, what was the plan supposed to be beforehand?  Half the time there are about two or three matches that aren’t announced during the show, so what was the rest of the show going to be filled in by?  Most of the time the matches that are made are made due to conflict that happened during the show, so what was going to fill that spot if there wasn’t conflict?

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 26, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Summerslam and for once a lot has happened. Lesnar is the new world champion and Rock is gone until about February. On top of that, Shawn beat HHH but HHH destroyed Shawn post match, likely ending his career. Naturally that’s not what happened but at this point that’s the working theory. Also tonight we have a big change at the end of the show which set up things to be like that are in modern times. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Bischoff to open the show. He talks about how historic the show is going to be tonight, talking about things like the Hardcore title being unified with the IC Title and the presentation of a lifetime achievement award to someone. But first, here’s the new world champion Brock Lesnar, along with Heyman of course. Heyman is very proud to be in MSG but says that Lesnar is a bigger deal than Sammartino, Graham and Hogan combined. He told us this would happen, but none of us would listen to him.

Heyman lists off all the things he said would happen and says maybe now the fans will listen to him. Brock gets the mic and says that he’s only 25 and he’s already world champion. He says no one can beat him….and here’s Shawn Michaels? Oh wait it’s HHH screwing with us. Ok HHH doing the Shawn dance is funny stuff. HHH insists Shawn is gone forever and will never get in the ring again.

Remembering that Brock is still in the ring, HHH says that he wore down Rock last week for Lesnar, and now HHH wants the title shot that he himself said Lesnar should give him. Brock takes the belt off and HHH asks if Brock is man enough to play the game. Well we know he’s man enough to have a boring match with HHH that main evented Summerslam in 2012 but we’ll get to that later.

Cue Undertaker to get in on this shindig before the boring begins. Taker says he should get the first shot at Lesnar, who doesn’t object at all. HHH jumps Taker and it’s a two on one beatdown for a few seconds before HHH stares at Lesnar some more. Taker jumps them both and knocks HHH to the floor before slapping Lesnar and kicking him out as well. HHH gets back in but bails a few seconds later. Lesnar looked like a total afterthought here.

Eric makes HHH vs. Taker for the main event for the first shot at Lesnar.

Booker T vs. Christian

This is one of those “tag teams are feuding so here’s a member of each in a singles match” deals. Booker takes Christian down to start but the Ax kick misses. The reverse DDT gets two for Christian and the Canadian takes over. We hit the chinlock and there’s the USA chant. Booker comes back with some elbows and a spin kick for no cover. The spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two but Christian rolls him up for two with his feet on the ropes. Another elbow puts Christian down and Goldust takes out an interfering Storm. Unprettier is countered into the ax kick for the pin for Booker.

Rating: D+. Nothing much here as it was already known that Booker and Goldust were the more entertaining team, but for some reason the title change didn’t happen last night. This was your usual Raw match where not a lot was changed, which would be the case for these guys for awhile. The titles would change hands two more times before Booker and Goldie got them, which caused the crowd to not care when it happened.

We get a video from some political event from earlier in the day.

Christian yells at Storm in the back when Test shows up. He’s got something planned involving an American flag.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Christopher Nowitski/William Regal

Molly is with Regal and Chris for some reason. Actually we get a video of HORRIBLE acting of Chris asking Molly to come to the ring with him. Apparently Chris wants to get lucky. His words, not mine. Bubba and Chris start things off with Bubba pounding away in the corner. Off to Spike with a top rope double stomp, one of the moves that always makes me cringe. Regal and Molly crotch Spike on the post and it’s almost immediately the hot tag to Bubba who cleans house. Molly tries her Molly Go Round but winds up taking What’s Up instead. Spike throws in a table but before it’s used, the Bubba Bomb pins Regal.

Rating: D. Another nothing match here which appears to be a theme tonight. The new version of the Dudleys never worked at all and the original team would reunite at the Survivor Series, in this same building actually. Nowitski was all character and no substance, which is the same problem someone like Sandow has to overcome today. This is one of those matches where the best thing you can say it as least it was short.

Nowitski keeps Molly from going through a table so Regal goes through it instead via a Bubba powerbomb (since the Dudley Dog didn’t work).

Bischoff talks to a special guest that we can’t see. That’s up next.

Molly thanks Chris in the back and gives him a hug.

The special guest is Jimmy Snuka who is here to receive a lifetime achievement award. We get a highlight video from his career which is pretty cool stuff. Eric presents him with the award but keeps cutting Jimmy off. Bischoff says the magic words: 3 minutes. Snuka’s eyes bug out in a funny visual but here are Jamal and Rosey for the big beatdown on Jimmy.

While Jimmy is being taken out of the ring, here’s Jericho to put him in the Walls of Jericho. Jericho runs his mouth about how he should be receiving the award. Jericho compares Snuka to Ric Flair who he made tap last night. Flair was in the ropes so it didn’t count but why let that get in the way of a good story? Since Flair interrupted the concert last week, Jericho is going to sing New York New York right here acapella. It’s a little modified but what are you going to do? We take a break and come back with Jericho STILL singing. He’s finally interrupted and we get this.

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

Jericho takes him down to start with a suplex but Jeff pounds away in the corner to take over. The Canadian misses a dropkick and gets catapulted out to the floor. Jeff hits a HUGE dive to take Jericho out before running the barricade, only to charge right into a powerslam. Back in and Jericho hits a backbreaker before choking Jeff with his hanky. Jericho puts on a bow and arrow to stay on the back, making sure to tell the referee to ASK HIM.

Jericho stays on the back as Jeff isn’t selling as well as he usually does. He’s just kind of laying there instead. Jericho hits a backsplash for two and an uppercut puts Hardy down again. Jeff’s comeback lasts for about two punches before Jericho hits a sleeper drop to take him down for two. Chris goes up for something off the ropes but jumps into a dropkick before we can figure out what it is.

The Whisper in the Wind puts Jericho down and Jeff starts using his standard stuff. Hardy’s sunset flip is almost countered into the Walls but Hardy escapes into a small package for two. The Lionsault hits knees and it’s the Swanton for two as Jericho grabs the rope. Hardy tries a standing rana on Jericho for no apparent reason and there’s the obvious counter into the Walls. Jeff gets the rope but Jericho won’t let go of the hold, drawing a DQ.

Rating: C-. It was clear at this point that Jeff needed to take a break as he was doing nothing but signature stuff and had no fire in him at all. Thankfully that’s what he did soon into the new year, leaving the company for like four years. Jericho was trying here but he had nothing to work with across the ring.

Flair doesn’t make the save.

Heyman and Lesnar don’t care who Brock faces at the PPV.

Test is going to burn an American flag later tonight.

Apparently that’s right now as here are the Un-Americans to burn an American flag. They load up the blowtorch, Kane’s pyro and music hits, Kane doesn’t come out, so Goldust and Booker make the save. They get beaten down, Lawler gets up to save it but now Kane comes out. Gee that first time was pretty stupid wasn’t it? Kane is noticeably slimmer here as he would be for a few more years. JR says that’s an American chokeslam, even though it’s a Spaniard chokeslamming a Canadian. Kane also has the half mask now, meaning he can say he’s going to properly do a Spinarooni, which he actually does. Ok then.

Hardcore Title/Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is a unification match in the series of “let’s get all the titles together so HHH can be CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING” title unifications. This will be under Hardcore rules and is allegedly the final hardcore match ever on Raw. JR says these two have wrestled in “other promotions.” You guys OWN THE COMPANY. I think you can say the name. They take it to the mat to start with neither being able to hit anything. It’s a standoff and the fans chant for ECW.

Van Dam hits some running shoulders to the ribs in the corner and a Russian legsweep gets two. We head to the floor with Dreamer pulling out a ladder. Van Dam superkicks it into Dreamer for two and sets the ladder up like a bridge between the ring and the barricade. Dreamer tries to bulldog Rob off the apron onto the ladder but Van Dam shoves him face first into the ladder. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Rob puts Dreamer on the barricade and jumps off the ladder to kick him in the face. Van Dam picks up a chair and heads back into the ring to crush Dreamer with the chair for two. The split legged moonsault hits chair but Dreamer’s DDT onto it is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. There’s the DDT but not onto the chair which gets two as well.

The ladder is brought back in and a side slam onto the ladder has Van Dam in trouble. Dreamer’s middle rope elbow hits only ladder and the Rolling Thunder onto the ladder onto Dreamer gets two. Dreamer gets crotched on the ladder, kicked with a chair and Frog Splashed for the pin.

Rating: C+. Entertaining enough but did anyone believe that Van Dam wasn’t winning this? That’s ok I guess but it would have been nice if this had been Jericho or someone like that. As for this, the match didn’t work all that well but it wasn’t terrible I guess. Van Dam would lose the title to I think Jericho soon after this.

Here’s Stacy to say she’s going to keep Trish from interfering in the next match. Howard Finkel says, and I quote, “Right now you’re interfering with something in my trousers.” My childhood is scarred forever.

Lillian Garcia vs. Howard Finkel

This is part of some Fink is a chauvinist deal and it’s a tuxedo vs. evening gown match. The winner is permanent ring announcer for Raw. Howard says she looks good but he thought hookers were banned from this city a long time ago. This goes as well as you would expect. Howard says blondes like her should be on their backs. Stacy and Trish come in and strip Howard down to give Lillian the win.

Some guy named Criss Angel is going to live underwater for 24 hours. Ok then.

HHH vs. Undertaker

The winner gets the shot at Lesnar. Naturally it starts as a big brawl on the floor with HHH taking over. We head inside for the bell and a countered Pedigree. Taker pounds away in the corner and hits the jumping clothesline for two. HHH kicks him in the face and gets glared at. Old School hits for two and Taker pounds away and hits the Snake Eyes but the high knee blocks the big boot. Out to the floor and Taker’s knees go into the steps.

HHH pounds away on Taker’s head against the barricade as this is clearly not going to last long. The Game pounds away even more and it’s off to a sleeper because that’s what HHH wanted to make a big move. This thing goes on FOREVER until Taker suplexes him down. They slug it out with Taker getting the advantage again. The referee gets squished because that’s EXACTLY what this match needed. A big boot puts HHH down and there’s the chokeslam, but here’s Lesnar for a distraction. HHH hits Taker low but the Pedigree is countered. Lesnar knocks out Taker with the belt and HHH steals the pin for the title show.

Rating: F. It went eight and a half minutes and it was so boring I could barely stand it. A minute of this was spent in a sleeper and the rest was either punches or signature stuff. When you have Undertaker and HHH in there, anything worse than a watchable match is a failure. It’s amazing how much better these guys got over the years.

Stephanie is in the back and Eric tries to throw her out, but she’s here to say that Lesnar is exclusively on Smackdown, setting up the need for two world titles. Oh and that last match means NOTHING.

Overall Rating: D. And so it begins. Next week HHH would be handed the title that Sheamus currently holds because the world wants more HHH more than anything else. The problem with that is HHH in 2002 and 2003 was pretty awful, barely being able to pull out a good match if his life depended on it. Anyway, this was a pretty dull show with Lesnar being treated like nothing and the whole show being about HHH. Bad show, making last night an anomaly for the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Simple question: what are your favorite PPV posters?  Here are a few of mine:

Ok so the last one is a little different.  Your picks?

I know the brand split is basically dead, but this is ridiculous.The last time Smackdown had a main event of a PPV (excluding the Rumble which isn’t a Smackdown match) was Hell in a Cell 2010.  I know Smackdown is the lower level show, but wouldn’t it help a bit to have them close out a show once in awhile?  You’ve already sold the show, so does it really matter if the Smackdown match goes on last?  Especially if you have a somewhat weak Raw main event?

Is there a reason for this that I’m not getting?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 19, 2002
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another 2002 show of course because that’s all I get requests for due to reasons I don’t understand. It’s also the go home show to Summerslam 2002, which is pretty easily the best Summerslam ever. The main event tonight is Rock vs. HHH. I think I just got why this show was requested. Anyway, let’s get to it.

Here’s Taker to open the show. He’s AMERICAN and not evil at the moment. He lost to Test, an Un-American, last week in a tag match but has him one on one this Sunday. Taker says he isn’t one to talk about his political beliefs, but just like his country, he doesn’t take any crap from anyone. Only in American can a man like him be him. As long as he can back it up with his fists, that’s all he needs.

However these freedoms come with a price. A lot of men and women have fought and died to give him those freedoms, and because of that he respects those fallen men and women. He also has a problem with people that come in here and abuse those freedoms. You can feel Vince’s right wing talk flowing through Taker right now. Above all others, he doesn’t like Test, he’ll beat him up, you can figure out the details of this speech yourselves.

Taker gets done talking and his music plays again, but here’s Test on a motorcycle of his own with the upside down American flag flying on the back of it. Test gets in the ring and takes the mic from Taker. He says Taker sucks too, just like America. Why would you EVER give Test a mic? Seriously. Anyway, the fight is on, the other Un-Americans (Storm and Christian) makes the save, Booker and Goldust make the other save, six man later I’m sure. Yep Booker explains it in case you can’t think for yourself.

Hardcore Title: Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Jeff Hardy, Bradshaw, Bubba Ray Dudley, Crash Holly, Johnny Stamboli, Steven Richards, Terri, Spike Dudley

Eric Bischoff comes out and says that the 24/7 rule is gone and at the moment Tommy Dreamer is champion coming in. There’s going to be a six minute time limit and whoever is champion at the end gets to keep the title. There are weapons under the ring and a tarp covering something big. A shoulder on Dreamer gives Bradshaw the title so everyone jumps the future JBL.

We’re under five minutes left now and Bradshaw finds a cookie sheet to clean house with. Various weapons are brought in and it’s your usual hardcore style brawl. Bradshaw loads up a powerbomb on the floor but Stevie superkicks him so Crash can pin him for the title. There’s a table in the ring now and we’re under 3:30 to go. Jeff uses Bubba as a launching pad to dive over the top and onto Stamboli.

Crash tells Bubba to get the table but gets powerbombed through one by Bubba instead for no cover. Dreamer KO’s Bubba with a kendo stick and pins Crash for the title. The Clothesline from Bradshaw gets two on Dreamer as Bubba saves. Bubba hits Bradshaw low and superplexes Dreamer for two. We’ve got less than a minute left and Bradshaw keeps breaking up pins. Nothing else happens and the clock runs out with Dreamer as champion.

Rating: D. Well that was boring. Nothing interesting happened here and the match just ended with the same stuff going on for the last two minutes. Terri was gone after about a second so she didn’t need to be in there at all. Thankfully the title would be unified with the IC Title a week later and the thing was put out of its misery. The joke had gotten old like a year and a half ago so ending it was the right idea.

Post match Kane’s music hits and Kane doesn’t come out. The screen says My Path Is Chosen.

Stacy and Trish argue over who deserves a women’s title match. Eric pops up behind them while they accuse each other of being rather horrible women. Eric says the truest statement I’ve heard in a long time: “No one cares about women’s wrestling, so let’s just have a bra and panties match in the mud.” Amen brother man.

Stacy Keibler vs. Trish Stratus

Bra and panties in the mud, which is what the big tarp was covering earlier. By bra and panties here they mean they’re in underwear to start and fighting in the mud. Stacy throws Trish off the stage and into the mud to start and you really can’t tell who is who here. The referee is in there too and one girl (I think Trish) spanks the other. Trish eventually rolls up Stacy for the pin outside the mud pit. The Fink is brought into the mud post match.

Rock is just getting here and is given a package apparently from Paul Heyman. He doesn’t want it but stops to that FINALLY he’s come back to Norfolk. Rock makes some Heyman jokes and introduces himself to the production lady that gave him the package. His leg starts to twitch because it’s got a mind of its own. The package has pictures of Hogan all bloodied by Lesnar in it. Rock vs. Lesnar is Sunday.

Post break we actually recap the mud stuff.

Here’s HHH with a contract of some sort. He says that nine times out of ten, everything is business in this ring. This one however is personal. How many times has HHH had a feud that wasn’t personal? Without these papers being signed by Shawn, there won’t be a match at Summerslam. It’s the standard “you can’t sue me after I beat you up” agreement.

HHH moves on to Brock Lesnar but stops for a not that nice chant from the fans. Lesnar is watching tonight when it’s Rock vs. HHH No DQ and non-title. HHH is going to be waiting for Brock after the big beating. This is taking WAY longer than it should for what’s being said but that’s par for the course for HHH.

Here’s Jericho with an interruption but this is a heel period for him so it’s kind of odd for him to interrupt. Jericho: “Getting interrupted doesn’t feel very good does it?” HHH: “It probably feels better than getting beaten at Wrestlemania for the Undisputed Title.” Point to HHH. Jericho talks a bit more and the point is that Fozzy is performing tonight. Jericho runs down Flair before their match on Sunday, Flair jumps him with a trashcan and that’s finally it.

Booker T/Goldust/Undertaker vs. Un-Americans

It’s a big brawl on the floor to start until it’s Christian vs. Taker to get things going. Storm and Christian are tag champions here. A tilt-a-whirl slam gets two for Taker and it’s off to Booker. Test sends Booker into the steps and it’s off to Christian again. Booker gets beaten down for awhile until he gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging Test. Test powerslams him down for two and throws on a chinlock.

Booker fights up and hits a side kick out of nowhere to put both guys down. Double tags bring in Christian vs. Goldie and Goldust bulldogs and powerslams various opponents. He hits ten punches on Christian in the corner and loads up Shattered Dreams which hit after about 45 seconds of waiting for the referee to not be looking. Taker boots Test down and they fight up the ramp as Booker hits an ax kick on Storm. Christian knocks out Goldust with a title belt for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here and it doesn’t make me want to see either of these matches on Sunday. The whole AMERICA vs. WE HATE AMERICA is an idea that works fine but there needs to be more than that one idea. Other than that though there wasn’t enough here to make me care about either match, but there’s enough on Summerslam that these aren’t really needed.

We get a long video about Rock training for his match against Lesnar, which means training for The Rundown.

Bischoff gives Van Dam a pep talk for his match on Sunday. Big Show comes up and wonders why Van Dam is getting the IC Title shot on Sunday. Rob: “Because you’re a tool?” Show: “I’m a giant.” Rob: “Ok, you’re a giant tool.” A match is made for later.

Flair is fired up to fight Jericho on Sunday. Here’s Jericho to jump him with a trashcan to even things up from earlier tonight. Flair bleeds on general principle.

Rob Van Dam vs. Big Show

Van Dam fires off kicks to start but for some reason he tries to monkey flip Show, resulting in RVD being sent to the floor. Show gets sent into the steps so he throws Rob into the barricade. Back in and Van Dam breaks up the chokeslam before firing away shoulders in the corner. The second attempt at the chokeslam hits but Show picks up the steps instead of covering him. Before Show can kill Van Dam though, here’s Bischoff to ask what Show is doing. He calls out for Three Minutes and the team that would become known as Three Minuet Warning come out to destroy Show for the DQ. Short and nothing of note.

Rock isn’t worried about the match with HHH being No DQ. He talks about how far back they go, including talking about how they argued and fought when they were babies. They also fought when they were in colonial days and in cavemen days. This segues into a Brock Lesnar highlight video and rumors of Lesnar being here tonight are running wild apparently. Rock isn’t scared of Lesnar and isn’t worried about HHH either. This wasn’t one of Rock’s best segments but he’s got six days left before a long vacation so it’s excusable.

HHH goes in to see Bischoff. Shawn has signed the documents but Bischoff throws in that he won’t sanction the match. Eric says as far as WWE is concerned, the match never happens. Except for it happening on a WWE PPV in a WWE ring using WWE copyrighted theme songs and being officiated by a WWE referee, nope there’s no connection to it.

Time for Fozzy to perform. This goes on for awhile until Jericho says they’ll do another song. Flair interrupts and breaks stuff.

We get a long music video about Summerslam and the big matches there.

Rock gets a phone call but doesn’t answer it. Ok then.

Lesnar and Heyman have tickets to Raw. Apparently it was Heyman that called him. Bischoff comes out and tells them that they can’t interfere.

The Rock vs. HHH

Non-title of course and No DQ. HHH says just bring it and the fight is on. A big clothesline takes the Game down and HHH gets thrown to the floor. Another big clothesline on the floor takes HHH down again but HHH drops Rock on the barricade to slow him down. Back in and HHH stays on the now injured ribs as things slow down. A right hand to the ribs puts Rock down and there’s an abdominal stretch.

Rock escapes and they clothesline each other down as more time is spent laying around. Jerry points out the flaw in the Lesnar can’t come in idea: if there’s No DQ, it’s legal for him to come in. Then again you can’t expect WWE to cover its own plot holes. Anyway the spinebuster sets up the People’s Elbow for two but HHH hits Rock low to slow him back down. Back to the floor and HHH sends Rock into the steps before pulling out the sledgehammer. Shawn runs in for the save and Lesnar is knocked off the apron. The match is thrown out and the big double brawl ends the shoe.

Rating: C. Not a great match but at the end of the day it’s The Rock vs. HHH and therefore it’s automatically worth looking at. Rock would be gone soon after this which is probably good for him as there was nothing left for him to do in the WWE for a long time. Shawn would of course go on to have another eight years or so which blew everyone’s mind. The match was nothing great but it did its job well enough.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t really do it for me at all. The interesting thing is that Summerslam wound up being one of the best shows ever while the build up show to it sucked. Summerslam was a bright spot in a long stretch of darkness for the WWE and you could see a lot of that darkness here. There’s nothing that comes off as interesting here and things would get even worse soon after this with the next year or so being ALL about HHH and Evolution. This was another bad show though.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Hell in a Cell 2010
Date: October 3, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

This is being written the morning after the show aired so I do know the results before the review is written. The two week “build” for this show makes me think it’s going to suck. We also only have five scheduled matches for tonight so there wasn’t much to set up coming into last night. The Cell should be enough to make the show draw is what WWE is thinking I guess but the buyrates would beg to differ. Let’s get to it.

Guess what the video is about. Just take a guess.

The set looks cool as it has a bunch of stuff designed to look like a Cell wall. I like that.

US Title: Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

Apparently this is a submissions only match even though the name is just submissions count anywhere so it’s a bit misleading. Pretty clear Bryan is going to retain here even though he comes out second. Miz has the jacket back again too along with a mic. He’s called the Kenny Powers of the show and since he’s one of my favorite posters that’s a good sign. Miz says without him no one would know who the other guys are. He might be onto something there actually.

Both faces chase Miz to start us off and we get the standoff. Bryan gets a leg lock on him after a nice little wrestling sequence and we go to the floor without it being broken. That’s a nice little touch. We hit the formula of two guys fighting while the other is down. Morrison hits the Tarantula but Bryan makes the save. He then locks in Cattle Mutilation for like 4 seconds which probably blew up the IWC even though it wasn’t anything that special. A leg bar gets a bigger pop if that tells you anything.

Miz grabs a similar hold in an attempt to counter and they kick each other in the face a lot. Morrison hits Starship Pain (not called that for some reason) onto both guys to break it up. Haas of Pain (LOVE that hold) by Morrison is broken up by Miz. Corkscrew plancha hits (and I use that term VERY loosely) Miz and we head into the crowd. Miz gets a wristlock and Morrison breaks it up by punching Miz in the face. That’s always awesome.

Bryan is gone and in the ring for a good while here as the former tag team fights up the stairs. Miz gets a sick looking Dragon Sleeper type hold around a barricade and Bryan makes the save. I know I say that a lot but that’s what we’re getting a lot of: a hold for a few seconds and a save. We fight up to the stage a bit with Miz in control. Morrison throws Miz behind the stage and uses the barrier for a springboard to kick Bryan.

Miz literally shoves an anvil case at Morrison to take him down. This is kind of hard to call as it’s not quite a mess but there’s no flow to it in sight. Bryan is more or less dead on the stage after Miz shoves him on the anvil case. We get it: Morrison does some French training. You don’t have to explain it to us every 9 seconds. Skull Crushing Finale to Morrison on the floor and he’s out cold.

Bryan and Miz get into a wrestling sequence on the stage and it’s a double clothesline. Morrison is up somehow and climbs up the lighting grid and climbs onto the Cell set. BIG DIVE takes both of them out. How often do you get a THAT WAS AWESOME chant in WWE? See what happens when you have the young guys do their exciting stuff? Jomo gets a Texas Cloverleaf on Miz but here’s Riley for the save. A cameraman gets taken out giving us the eternally fun camera shot. Miz goes after Bryan while Riley has Morrison preoccupied and walks into the LeBell Lock for the tap out.

Rating: B-. Fun here but the quality was a bit weak. I absolutely don’t get the point of the submissions count everywhere aspect but it wasn’t horrible or anything. It was rather spotty at times but never boring which is the point of an opener. This was a pretty solid match and things seemed to work well enough. The big spots got the crowd going which is the best thing they could have done. Best possible choice for an opener.

Cole admits Bryan is for real. He toned down the Miz love in this match and it helped a lot. The repetition of stuff isn’t his fault for the most part though so I can’t blame him for that.

Ad for Legendary. I’m surprised this is the first one since we’re almost 25 minutes into the show.

We recap Orton vs. Sheamus, which really shows how stupid it is to have a Cell match for the sake of having a Cell match. Consider the first two matches. The idea of Michaels vs. Taker was that Shawn kept escaping Taker or having help from him. Shawn’s psychology in that match is some of the best ever as he was running the whole time and getting in shots where he could. It was like he was trapped in hell and this was Taker’s ultimate revenge.

The second was Mankind vs. Taker where the idea was they absolutely hated one another. The match happened so that they could absolutely annihilate each other and one man would not leave the Cell on his own. Those matches WORKED. This match is happening between two guys that aren’t fond of each other but are having this match because the schedule says we need to have it. Cena vs. Barrett could have a point to it as that feud has been going on for months. Taker vs. Kane belongs in there. This should be last man standing or a regular cage match or something, not Hell in a Cell.

Raw World Title: Randy Ortonvs. Sheamus

This Cell is taller and a bit more narrow. This stat sums things up very well: last year’s HIAC show was on October 4 so in one year we’ve had 5 Hell in Cell match. In thirteen years prior to that we had 16. That sums up this era better than anything I can tell you. Also tell me how this sounds: Sheamus is in a Hell in a Cell match. I like Sheamus but he DOES NOT belong on this level yet.

Another interesting stat: Orton is the only person to ever win the title inside the Cell. That’s rather surprising actually. Yeah they cover themselves by saying Orton is the only person to win the WWE Title in there. Unify the freaking belts already. Having two world champions is so freaking stupid sounding. Also there is a Hell in a Cell match second on the card. Does this just sound wrong to anyone else?

Loud RKO chant to start. I didn’t know there were so many old movie fans in today’s audience. Striker talks about speaking with HHH via e-mail. Holy subtle hint Batman! Yeah I’m stretching here since the first 15 minutes of this aren’t going to mean anything since this isn’t going to end quickly at all. We head to the floor for about a second and the stomping begins for two. NICE slingshot shoulder block by Sheamus to take out Orton.

Orton gets rammed into the cage on the floor and Sheamus breaks out the steps. Now Orton gets a shot with them and we head back into the ring. There’s no heat to this at all as it just doesn’t belong in there. It’s a glorified street fight with a cage thrown in for fun. Striker explains why the ribs are a good thing for Sheamus to go after since the RKO is a bit weaker if the ribs are hurt.

Turnbuckle is ripped off as Sheamus is in control. He gets a gutbuster onto the steps which have gotten far more focus in this match than the cage so far. And now, in a match based around terror and chaos and pain, we get an EVIL chinlock. Cole points out that Orton is the champion and Sheamus is the challenger. Well usually when one is champion the other is the challenger so at least he can follow basic concepts. He’s reached the level of an average 4 year old!

Orton makes his comeback and the fans get behind him again. The crowd is rather hot here which is a very good thing and is helping this match along. They want an RKO apparently. Backbreaker out of nowhere and Orton slaps the mat. Make sure there’s an orthopedic specialist in the building! There come the stairs again as Striker points out how stupid it is to use the steps when he’s surrounded by steel.

Orton counters again and hits a powerslam on the steps. IT’S NOT A SCOOP SLAM COLE! It’s good for two either way. The elevated DDT on the steps of course doesn’t hit but the one on the floor sort of does. RKO is blocked and Orton hits the post. This isn’t a bad match but it’s just boring for a Cell match. Make this a street fight and it’s far better. Irish Curse, the backbreaker, hits on the steps. It’s on Sheamus’ knee though so do the steps make that big of a difference?

Brogue Kick gets two and Sheamus’ face is AWESOME looking as his eyes bug completely out. A bunch of chair shots get two. A big chair shot misses and Orton gets the RKO to pop the crowd. The pale one rolls to the floor though so we don’t get a cover. Punt misses and there’s a second Brogue Kick on the floor. We’re just transitioning from move to move here with nothing in between it. RKO on the steps ends it. I’d buy that a lot more if Sheamus’ head actually hit the steps but you can’t have it all I guess.

Rating: D+. For a street fight this is about a B or a B+. For a Hell in a Cell match this is just ok at best. It was a street fight (and a good one) inside the Cell. That doesn’t mean it’s good for what it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a huge war inside the Cell and by definition, hell. This wasn’t the case here and while the match wasn’t horrible at all, this should NOT have been a Cell match. Like I said, make this a street fight without the Cell and it’s VERY good.

Orton climbs the Cell afterwards and poses with the belt. Cole wants it renamed the Viper’s Playground. Striker in a near deadpan voice: “Not yet.” Striker is the voice of reasoning. That’s almost scary.

Ad for Bragging Rights ad. It’s in three weeks. OH JOY! It’s also the night after a Lesnar fight. Yeah that’s not going to bomb at all. Nexus is advertised for it too.

Josh has the NXT girls in the back and they’re asked if they’re nervous. Nexus interrupts them thank goodness.

Alberto’s ring announcer brings him out. Again, his announcer has an announcer. That’s saying a lot. I do wonder where they get these cars. Cole wants to have his babies I think. Lawler wants to know if he can push 1 for English. That was rather amusing for a change. Alberto talks about beating up Rey and Christian. Gee wouldn’t Rey vs. Alberto be nice tonight? Some basic hometown sports jokes don’t really work.

Cue Edge’s music as Cole complains. Striker says Edge has over a dozen championships. He has over two dozen but why play him up I guess? Yeah he’s a face now. Edge runs down the stupid things Alberto has done which are rather true. They get into a Spanglish argument of all things. A Canadian is arguing with a Mexican in an American ring. The first W is indeed correct. And here comes the All American-American. HE MADE THE SAME JOKE I DID!

Swagger points out that the mascot on Smackdown was in fact a human and not a real eagle. Could they please decide if he’s a serious or comedy character? Swagger jumps him and Alberto bails. We have an e-mail and this is a match now. The computer has been upgraded it seems. Edge has to make a public apology tomorrow on Raw but this is a match right now.

Jack Swagger vs. Edge

Good thing Edge was in his wrestling gear. Swagger dominates to start as he had an advantage before we started. Swagger goes for the ankle which makes sense twice because of Edge’s ankle injury and the ankle lock. He keeps Edge on the mat and is in complete control. We hit the apron and Swagger tries to hit a German to the floor. Add that to the international joke from earlier.

When that of course doesn’t work because it would nearly kill Edge he switches to an abdominal stretch using the ropes. Edge’s eye is swollen up. Ankle lock is attempted as we touch on the ankle injury again which Lawler almost sarcastically says you told us that already. Edge gets us to even but gets caught in the ankle lock on the floor. The running up the corner belly to belly is blocked as Edge hits a missile dropkick, which is a pure face move.

Kind of an odd match here. It’s certainly not bad but it’s not that great for some reason. Belly to belly by Swagger but his arm is hurt. Swagger might be bleeding from the mouth a bit. Vader Bomb misses and Edge gets the Edgecution. Spear misses and Swagger gets the powerbomb for TWO. I don’t remember anyone ever kicking out of that. I think they mistime something as Swagger goes for a Dragon Screw Leg Whip while Edge goes for an Enziguri, making it look AWFUL. Ankle lock goes on but Edge gets a quick counter and spear for the pin. That ended very fast after the knee thing so maybe they were just playing it safe.

Rating: C-. Nothing that great here but it was VERY refreshing to see a match between the two shows. This is a fresh match we haven’t seen before and it wasn’t that bad. It was far better than seeing the same guys fighting again as it actually wasn’t predictable. That’s something WWE is sorely lacking anymore and switching the rosters up dramatically could work wonders for them. Match was a high level TV match.

Otunga has a plan to help Barrett.

Recap the Nexus angle which I’m sure you’re all familiar with by now.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett

If Barrett loses Nexus is disbanded. If Cena loses he has to join the Nexus. It’s kind of amazing that this is I believe his 5th singles match and his first PPV singles match. You can’t say they’re not pushing this guy to the moon. Long feeling out period to start us off here. Cena gets his dropkick for his first big offensive maneuver. Barrett drops an F Bomb but not an audible one.

We slug it out a bit and Cena sets for the FU but Slater comes out as a distraction. Barrett throws the Nexus out which is an interesting touch. Barrett controls and hits a second rope elbow drop for two. Their colors are now black and gold instead of black and yellow. Neckbreaker gets two as Barrett is finally getting to showcase his offense. This is already his longest match and it’s not even 8 minutes long.

Dueling chants begin and you can tell it’s mainly men shouting for Barrett and higher pitched voices chanting for Cena. Cena makes his comeback and he initiates his finishing sequence. Nexus surrounds the ring as the definition of interference is getting kind of shaky here. Big Show comes out and leads the charge of the locker room who come out to beat down Nexus. It says a lot when it takes about 15 people including Big Show to beat up four glorified jobbers. And it’s not jobbers coming out to beat them up. You have guys like Show, Kofi, Ziggler, Bryan, Hart Dynasty and MVP, as in former and current champions.

Wasteland is blocked and this is a pretty solid back and forth match. Also it’s good that they got rid of the Nexus about halfway through. FU is blocked and Barrett hits a butterfly suplex for two. Boss Man Slam gets two. Fameasser off the top is blocked the first time but Cena gets it for two. Barrett gets Wasteland out of nowhere for two. Cole is WAY into this. Lawler says something and I had forgotten he was there.

FU hits out of nowhere for two as we’re into the good part of this match now. STF goes on as Cena looks extra quick here. Cole is SCREAMING at Barrett to tap out. A planted fan runs into the ring, allowing the guy that appears to be Husky Harris to pop up and blast Cena in the head, allowing Barrett to get the pin and kill the souls of millions of children. This is likely Otunga’s plan, which he didn’t run past Barrett.

Rating: B. Solid match here with the ending working rather well. The Nexus wasn’t really involved all that much here and it helped a lot I thought. Barrett looked VERY impressive out there with a nice offensive moveset and solid ring presence. This was better than I expected and things worked very well here. Good match and it sets up some stuff for the show in the upcoming weeks. Also Harris and potentially another member joining is a good thing. Good match.

Nexus puts Barrett on their shoulders as the celebration is on. On a replay the fan that distracted things appears to be Michael McGillicutty but I can’t tell for sure. The fan that hit Cena was definitely Harris but he’s not named. Cena takes a long time to leave and various ages of fans are STUNNED.

Paper Jamz ad, the same from….two weeks ago.

Josh is in the back and runs into Paul Bearer. He cuts a short and cryptic promo about having his own master plan.

Make-A-Wish package from Smackdown.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

Michelle looks good in her gold shorts if nothing else. Striker tries to claim Michelle is the best in ring working woman ever. I’m not even going to make a joke about that because it’s not fair to make fun of people that stupid. Michelle dominates for a bit with leg based offence but Natalya takes over with power stuff. This is rather boring if you couldn’t tell. Michelle accidentally drills Layla and Natalya gets a rollup for two. Sharpshooter goes on, is countered into a heel hook and is countered again. Then Layla throws in her shoe for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Yeah I don’t care either. Boring match and not very good.

Recap of Taker vs. Kane which I’m sure you know by now also.

Smackdown World Title: Kane vs. Undertaker

Taker coming out with Paul Bearer just feels….right. They brawl outside of the Cell to start and Kane controls. Apparently this is before the match starts. Ah there we go. There’s the bell. Kane gets a chair from under the ring and beats the hell out of Taker. We fight on the floor again and this is more of a brawl than a match WHICH IS THE FREAKING IDEA. Lots of leg work by Kane which makes sense here.

A big boot eats cage though and Kane is in trouble. Taker hits the leg drop on the apron but Kane gets his low dropkick. The boo/yay stuff starts up as this is kind of a boring match. Old School is attempted so Kane hits him in the leg. Top rope clothesline connects but Taker grabs Hell’s Gate. Kane clearly taps but no one calls it. It’s not completely on and Kane gets to the floor to escape.

We get a double sit up and Taker’s eyes are awesome. More boo/yay stuff as neither can get control. Running DDT by Taker gets two. Chokeslam hits for Taker as his knee is fine all of a sudden. Kane does the same for two. Kane goes for ten punches in the corner, you know the counter, and it gets two as well. WOW that was a horrible powerbomb. Kane reverses a Tombstone into one of his own and the crowd is into it.

And there’s an uppercut for the slow counting referee. The referees come down to get him out so Bearer can slip inside. Bearer goes after Kane and Taker sits up. He gets another chokeslam and does the throat slit sign. The lightning and thunder kick on and a light comes out of the urn. Bearer shines it in Taker’s eyes and we have a standoff. Bearer of course hands it to Kane and Taker, like the idiot that he is, stands there and gets his head bashed in by Kane who hits a chokeslam to retain. A closeup of his face on the ramp ends the show.

Rating: D. Just like the previous match this was a horrible Cell match but not a terrible match overall. The problem again is the lack of violence and the lack of use of the Cell. However this one was even weaker in those areas than the first one, somehow making Sheamus vs. Orton far better. As I said that one would have been a very good street fight but this would have been boring no matter what.

These two getting 20+ minutes is just not a good idea. Their best match ever was two weeks ago when it was just a big freaking brawl. Them trying to have psychology in their matches and the leg work is always bad and this was no exception. For once though the heel turn makes sense so points for that. Seriously though, how stupid is Taker for trusting Bearer AGAIN? Did he say, “Hey Paul, sorry about that whole burying you alive stuff. We’re solid right?” The heel turn was logical here so I’m fine with that at least. Rating would have been about the same Cell or no Cell.

OverallRating: B-. This show wasn’t great but it certainly wasn’t boring. They had a show here where stuff kept happening the whole three hours and it worked pretty well I thought. The double Cell thing is still incredibly stupid and them talking non-stop about how epic it was just made it worse but that’s to be expected. This looked like a disaster on paper but we got a solid show out of it. I don’t think it’s as great as people have said it was, but this worked FAR better than I expected it to. Fairly good show.

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