Impact Wrestling – November 15, 2012: Did You Buy Turning Point? WELL SCREW YOU!

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Taz

We’re past Turning Point now and the main stories are of course Aces and 8’s being uninteresting and Hardy vs. Storm at Final Resolution. AJ can’t have a world title shot until BFG 13 because of getting pinned in the three way. Tonight we start the build to the next PPV which in December I believe. Oh and this is taped because of the Thanksgiving holidays next week. Let’s get to it.

We open with the still stupid voiceover which isn’t as bad as WWE’s but it’s still stupid. The main matches from the PPV are recapped.

Here’s Storm to open the show. He talks about how hard he’s worked and it finally paid off with the world title shot….and here’s Roode. He’s got a pair of beer bottles with him as this feud is continuing for some reason that makes no sense. Roode says he’s here to join in the celebration and not for a fight. He points out that Storm beat AJ and not Roode on Sunday, so Storm is yet again using Roode’s success to move forward.

Roode talks about how Storm’s family, including his little daughter, is going to look at Storm as a failure. The brawl is on and Roode bails. Storm says bring it on but Roode wants the title shot on the line. Cowboy says no, so Roode says he’ll screw Storm’s daughter when she’s of age and the match is officially on. Dear goodness they’re really going to do this aren’t they?

Hogan says he feels bad for AJ for not getting a title shot.

We recap the attack on Sting last week.

Aces and 8’s tell Doc he has to earn his spot back again. He has to hand in his vest for the moment. D-Von throws a dart at the new target for tonight.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kid Kash

Van Dam is defending of course. Kash jumps him as he comes into the ring and they start fast. This would have been way better in ECW but it’s over eleven years since that company closed and Kash is still a Kid somehow. They ram into each other a few times before Kash ranas RVD to the floor. Tenay says Kash is also an MMA fighter which would be hilarious to see. Kash dives onto the floor onto Van Dam which doesn’t look bad.

Back in and Kash hits a clothesline out of the corner but misses a moonsault. Rob kicks him down and hits Rolling thunder for two as Tenay talks about Rob being a three time world champion, talking about the ECW Title, the WWE Title and the TNA world title. You know, because that ECW Title was the same as the WWE Title and all that jazz. Monkey Flip sets up the Five Star to retain at 4:08.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than a quick title defense for Van Dam. To say this division is worthless at the moment is an understatement as other than Van Dam, Kash and Ryan I guess, is there anyone else around? Ion I guess, but dang that’s not much as far as depth goes. Just a match here really.

Eric and ODB talk about fishing and kiss some more. End this already.

Angle needs a tag partner against Aces and 8’s and he picks……Garrett Bischoff. Well the other option was Wes Brisco so this isn’t a huge loss.

Jesse Godderz vs. Eric Young

Yep, it’s still going. Eric does the stupid lock up with the referee and gets jumped from behind as Jesse takes over. This continues to go very slowly as Jesse only has minor skills in the ring at the moment. I can live with him going all slow and everything though as that’s what heels usually do. Eric makes a quick comeback but gets caught in an abdominal stretch to stop it cold. Eric Hulks Up and strips down as the girls get in another fight. A powerslam puts Jesse down for two but Eric gets shoved into the barricade to stop him again. Back in and Jesse hits a bicep pose Stunner for the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D+. Again not terrible but I’m not sold on Jesse yet. He’s better than I expected but I can’t stand nonsense like Big Brother and other reality shows, nor can I stand hearing about how these people are celebrities. While they’re famous, their only talent is having a camera following them around. I’ll cut myself off from a long rant there, as the match was fine for what it was.

We recap Park vs. Doc on Sunday where Park snapped into Abyss for a few moments before getting beaten down again and losing.

Park asks Hogan for one more shot but Hogan can’t put him in the ring again because Park isn’t a wrestler. Park says he’ll become a wrestler by going to a wrestling camp. I’m intrigued.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Joe has beaten him what, three times in a row now? Oh wait never mind as Aces and 8’s jump Magnus, who is apparently the target for tonight. Doc hits Magnus in the leg with the hammer. D-Von gets a bat but Bully Ray makes the save.

We recap the ladder match from Sunday. Aries shows off the welts on his back and goes to get a massage. He’s not done with Jeff Hardy either. Aries goes in to get his massage but finds Hardy. He rants about Hardy having an advantage or something and leaves with no massage. Hardy responds with an inner monologue. This is still freaking stupid. I get how it can work on taped shows, but how is this supposed to work when the show is live?

Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff vs. Aces and 8’s

No members listed here so we’ll call them #1 and #2. Oh wait one is D-Von so we’ll call them D-Von and Potato. After a brawl we get down to D-Von vs. Angle with Potato coming in quickly thereafter. Angle is like I CAN BAKE YOU WITH CHIVES AND SOUR CREAM but now it’s off to Garrett and things get a lot worse all of a sudden. Garrett grabs the arm and it’s back to Kurt, thank goodness.

D-Von comes in as well and pounds away as this is going nowhere so far. Off to Potato again for the mashed facelock. Angle snaps off a German and gives D-Von one as well. Everything breaks down and Doc brings in the hammer. Wes Brisco comes in with a pipe for the save and Angle low blows Potato for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: D. Why did this match exist? I want an answer to that question. Angle had no business being in there because there’s no way to buy him as being in danger from anyone in the biker gang. What’s the point in watching Angle beat up D-Von and some other guy who we don’t even know? That’s the problem with this story: there’s no story to it other than Ray vs. D-Von.

Tara and Jesse go in to see Brooke but finds her with Ray, who leaves awkwardly. Tara complains about various things and Brooke blows her off. I have no idea why Brooke is here at all.

Dixie doesn’t know why AJ is so off.

Knockouts Battle Royal

Gail Kim, Mickie James, Madison Rayne, ODB, Miss Tessmacher

This is Mickie’s big return so who do you think is winning here? Yep, we have five people in a battle royal and that’s it. This is your standard battle royal start with no one being eliminated in the early going. Gail and Madison work together and beat on Tess and ODB but Tessmacher comes back to beat on them both with ease. And never mind as the evil chicks eliminate her together. ODB and Mickie hit stereo Thesz Presses on the evil ones and ODB has a shot from the flask.

Both evil ones get slammed into ODB’s crotch as ODB sits on the top. Madison poses a bit on the apron and gets flask contents spat into her face for the elimination. Gail throws out ODB and we’re down to one on one. A clothesline in the corner has Mickie in trouble but she comes out with a rana to send Kim to the floor for the title shot at 5:30.

Rating: D. This was your usual battle royal: nothing interesting and the girls just wasting time until we got down to the end. Mickie winning was as obvious as you could get, especially with how much they were hyping up her return. This means we get Mickie vs. Tara. Again.

James Storm is ready. AJ comes up and glares at him.

Doc gets thrown out of Aces and 8’s. Oh never mind no he doesn’t because they’re just messing with him. Riveting stuff here. They do know he’s Luke Freaking Gallows right? That’s who they’re wasting this much time and effort on?

We recap the triple threat match from Sunday.

Here’s AJ to address his loss. He talks about how bad his year has gone and we recap the Claire Lynch storyline. The thing that bothers him more than anything else is that people doubted him. He doesn’t like getting so close to the main event of BFG and coming up just short. This brings out Kaz and Daniels.

Oh COME ON. I know the matches are going to be good, but is there NO ONE else on the roster these people can fight? I’m just saying BRANCH OUT already. They say it’s AJ’s fault and there’s going to be ONE MORE MATCH between AJ and Daniels. Is anyone shocked by this? Really? This somehow takes almost five minutes to get through once they come out.

Aries talks about non-verbal communication which he’s used to make things happen. Ok then.

Angle pitches the idea of Wes Brisco being on Gut Check next week and apparently it’s going to happen.

Bobby Roode vs. James Storm

The winner gets the title shot at Final Resolution. The match has a sponsor which I’ve seen before but not in years. Storm pounds him into the corner to start and clotheslines Roode down. That’s not a good sign as the guy who often starts fast winds up losing. Roode gets in a shot and takes down the buckle pad like a good evil man. We take a break and come back with Roode in control and working on the arm.

Off to a top wristlock on Storm followed by a whip into the corner for two. Back to the wristlock as Storm is in trouble. They slug it out and Storm hits a Russian legsweep for two. An enziguri puts Roode down again and the Cowboy goes up, only to get crotched almost immediately. Roode’s superplex is countered into a sunset bomb for two as things slow down a bit.

The Eye of the Storm is countered into the spinebuster and the Crossface on the bad arm. Roode can’t quite get it on full and Storm gets a rope. We’ll call that .5 Benoit or so. Backstabber puts Roode down as does a Codebreaker, but the Last Call misses. Roode throws him into the buckle and gets a rollup with trunks to get the title shot at 8:27 shown of 11:57.

Rating: C. The match was fine, but this is one of TNA’s classic problems: apparently screw the fans that bought the PPV because of the three way, because we’re just going to change it all up now. As always, if this is the finish you want, WHY NOT DO THAT FREAKING FINISH IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Are they that afraid of pushing Storm for some reason? He gets great reactions and can have good matches, but for some reason they keep saying just hang on a bit longer. We’ll it’s been a lot longer and people are going to stop caring REALLY soon.

Roode celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. So let’s see: Aces and 8’s means nothing at all, Storm loses AGAIN, we’re getting Mickie vs. Tara for the 985^th time, and Styles vs. Daniels for the 1384575th time? What good came out of this show? No Morgan, no Joe, no advancement of anything, and it’s Roode vs. Hardy, even though Aries seems to want another shot at Hardy.

Oh and on top of all that, Ray AGAIN barely does anything because he got over and got turned face so we can’t use him in anything other than incriminating scenes which we likely won’t get any resolution to this year. This show made me roll my eyes more than anything else, which is very annoying.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Kid Kash – Five Star Frog Splash

Jesse Godderz b. Eric Young – Stunner

Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff b. Aces and 8’s – Rollup to Masked Man

Mickie James won a battle royal last eliminating Gail Kim

Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Rollup with a handful of trunks

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