Monday Night Raw – December 3, 2012: Now With Reduced Levels Of Suck

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 3, 2012
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final month of the year and we’ve got two more episodes before TLC. The main story tonight is that Vince is here apparently, which is probably a good idea. Other than that, we’ve got more with Ryback vs. The Shield, who I’m sure would NEVER interfere in the main event of a PPV or anything like that. Let’s get to it.

The usual recap opens the show, and tonight it’s Sheamus/Cena vs. Ziggler/Show.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

The Shield is watching from the top of the arena so Kane calls them down. Titus and Kane get things going and O’Neal is quickly knocked to the floor. Cole talks about “Daniel Ambruce” saying something last week. Rollins and Reigns have gone somewhere else apparently. Kane and Bryan work on Darren’s arm as Reigns is now down in the arena. The Players double team Kane in the corner and Reigns moves down the steps. Ambrose is down in the arena as well. Rollins is nowhere in sight.

Bryan hits his running knee of the apron as the match is now all about looking at the Shield. We go to a break and come back with Titus clotheslining Kane down. Reigns and Ambrose are still in the crowd. Back to Bryan with a running dropkick in the corner for two. GOOD GRIEF stop showing the Shield guys. We get it already. Young comes in and is put in the NO Lock but everything breaks down. Ambrose and Reigns are at the barricade now as the match has more or less stopped, allowing Darren to roll up Bryan, who reverses it into a rollup on Young for the pin at 11:28.

Rating: D. I have no idea if the match was good or not, because they kept cutting away to show the Shield guys. I really hope this isn’t Nexus all over again because it’s really shaping up to be similar to it. The Players will likely get passed over again as it looks like Shield might get the tag titles soon. Nothing to see here, almost literally.

Post match the Shield runs in and crushes Kane’s arm under the steps. Bryan gets beaten down as well as Rollins runs in. The Superbomb leaves Bryan laying.

Sheamus and Cena are talking in the back and I think they’re talking about soccer. Apparently after Smackdown they went out for 15 pints or so. Sheamus says he’ll be focused tonight.

AJ vs. Tamina Snuka

Happy blowoff match people. AJ jumps on Tamina to start and then does it again. Tamina slams her off the top before putting her right back up there. An over the shoulder backbreaker…is released a few seconds after Tamina puts it on. Tamina keeps pounding away as this is going about as far as you would expect AJ vs. Tamina to go. The splash is loaded up but AJ rolls Tamina up for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? The match was nothing of note and they didn’t do anything special. Was anybody expecting Tamina to add anything to this story at all? Nothing to see here at all and as usual, the Divas continue to be a complete waste of time. I’ll say this though: AJ can rock a pair of shorts.

Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say after a break. Post break Heyman complains about the new and updated WWE Encyclopedia because there isn’t enough in it about CM Punk. Heyman does however give credit to them for having a list of WWE Championship Reigns in it, and at midnight tonight Punk will tie Cena’s record and tomorrow night at midnight, CM Punk will be the longest reigning WWE Champion of the last 25 years, which is the modern era. Heyman says Punk should be front and center on WWE’s Mount Rushmore.

Punk says that he’s still unfairly persecuted, because he’s still the best in the world. That’s not just a catchphrase, because he’s the best of all time. Punk makes fun of some fans for not having jobs or marriages lasting as long as his title reign. He talks about how the fans credit either Maddox or the Shield for keeping the title on Punk. Punk says that he’s got nothing to do with either of them, but he’s the reason everyone is here tonight. He’s the hottest thing in WWE today and he tells us to change the channel if you don’t believe him. Or get up and leave his arena right now.

He’s interrupted by…….The Miz? The fans are getting into the REALLY chant now. He tells the fans to sit down and enjoy themselves, because no one buys what Punk is saying. Punk wants to know who Miz is, so Miz says he’s the one who took every shortcut he could as WWE Champion, but at least he admits it. Punk has been bailed out time after time by Maddox and Shield….so Punk insults Miz’s shoes.

Miz doesn’t want a fight, but wants Punk to come on MizTV to take a lie detector test. This leads to Miz calling Heyman a walrus, starting a chant. Punk DEMANDS an apology from the fans, so Miz keeps goading Punk into a test. He says Punk doesn’t want an asterisk by his name, so Punk goes for the idea. We spent over ten minutes to get there? Seriously?

John Cena/Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show

Sheamus vs. Ziggler to get things going. A shoulder puts Ziggler down, as does a slam and it’s off to Cena. We hit the chinlock but at least this one is short. Cena speeds things up and takes Ziggler down with an armdrag. Off to Big Show who shoves Cena away. Why exactly does this surprise Cena? Cena tries the shoulder and literally bounces off Big Show.

Show hits the big chop in the corner and falls on Cena in a slam attempt. Off to Ziggler for some fast elbow drops for two. Cena avoids a splash in the corner and it’s off to Sheamus vs. Big Show. A knee lift and a running double ax put Show down, but the Battering Ram is blocked by a spear out of the air.

We take a break and come back with Show still working over Sheamus. Ziggler hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Sheamus fights back with the Irish Curse. Hot tag brings in Cena, house is cleaned like the boss is on his way home, and it’s White Noise to Show while Cena hits the AA on Ziggler for the pin at 11:52. Ziggler got up too early after the Protobomb and they had to rush to the finish.

Rating: C. Standard main event style tag match here and I’m always a fan of mixing the feuds up like this. Sheamus holding Show there for White Noise for that long is a really cool visual, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Also Cena pins Ziggler. Again. Not much to see here but it was fine I guess.

Cena and Sheamus celebrate way more than they should post match.

We recap the Punk/Miz stuff from earlier.

The MUPPETS will be at Tribute to the Troops. This results in Piggy hitting on Flo Rida.

Here’s Sandow looking for his apprentice again. As usual, Sandow owns this whole segment, berating the guy after he doesn’t know an English poet. It’s the little insults in this that make Sandow great. He’s totally into the character and the line of “ignorance is curable but stupidity is forever” is good stuff. I loved this. Naturally Santino comes out to make the segment stupid. He asks how many shells did she sell by the seashore, making Sandow go into a lecture about crustaceans. Thankfully Damien drops him with one shot. We get a match.

Damien Sandow vs. Santino Marella

This is joined in progress after a break with Santino doing his power walk thing. Apparently Santino won a power walking contest seventeen years ago. Cole gives a story about why that’s not true or something like that. Wind-Up Elbow gets two as does a small package from Sandow. Santino comes back with his usual sequence and Damien runs from the Cobra. Sandow catches him coming back in and steals the Cobra. Marella guillotines him on the top but misses the top rope headbutt. Terminus and we’re done at 2:40 shown. This was the same match Sandow had with Ryder last week.

TOUT questions to stump Damien with. Oh geez.

Vickie says she’s starting to lose faith with Ziggler, so Ziggler asks for another match with Cena at the PPV. Vickie isn’t sure but goes into her office to see Brad Maddox. There’s a camera on Maddox in the office. Post break, Maddox is asking for a contract and appeals to Vickie’s obsession with her legacy to get a job. He calls himself a Youtube sensation and is told if he wins his match tonight, he gets a contract. I’m thinking Orton for this one.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

Haven’t we seen this match a few times recently? Cara grabs the arm to start before Alberto jumps him in the corner. A knee to the head of Cara gets two before Cara comes back with the usual armdrags. Del Rio sends him into the middle buckle and kicks him in the back. A snap suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Cara escapes and speeds things up, sending Del Rio to the floor and hitting a rana off the apron.

We take a break (in Del Rio vs. Cara? Really?) and come back with Sin Cara still in control. Alberto is sent to the floor for a second and as Cara sends him back in, Del Rio shoves him off of a springboard attempt. That gets two for Alberto and it’s time for a chinlock. Cara’s mask goes up a bit and Del Rio gets two off a German suplex. Alberto misses a charge in the corner and Cara hits a solid tornado DDT to put both guys down. Headscissors puts Del Rio down, as does a kick to the head. Top rope cross body gets two, as does a standing Sliced Bread by Cara. The Swanton misses and the cross armbreaker gets the tap at 12:40.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty entertaining, but this is like the opening matches on an old WWF house show: long because we need to fill in the show. Del Rio has now beaten Cara three times in three weeks I believe with the armbreaker. Why did we need to see this match again? Cara doesn’t really get anything out of it and the results are the same. Why should I be interested?

Vince wants to talk to Vickie in the ring.

We recap the set up for the lie detector test again.

Here’s Vickie to suck up to Vince. She tells everyone to clap, because Vince doesn’t get a reaction you know. First up, Vince wants to hear what she’s got for the TLC PPV. The match is going to be Cena vs. Ziggler but Vince wants more. She suggests no DQ, but Vince wants more. He whispers something to her and it’ll be a ladder match….for the MITB case. Vickie thinks this isn’t fair to Dolph because he has nothing to gain.

Vince thinks the AJ scandal hasn’t been fair, so maybe Vickie should apologize by making the match official. The match is made, but Vickie stops to dismiss Vince. Oh you are an idiot. Vince understands there’s a lie detector test going on tonight. If Punk is proven to be a liar about Maddox and the Shield, there should be a penalty against him. After forever, Vickie gets to the idea of Ryback vs. Heyman next week if Punk is lying.

Brad Maddox vs. Randy Orton

If Maddox wins, he gets a contract. Maddox gets in one elbow before it’s a few signature moves and the RKO for the pin at 1:10.

Post match Shield runs in and destroys Orton.

Vickie yells about Shield when Dolph comes in to yell about the ladder match. He says Vickie is becoming just like AJ. Dolph leaves and Heyman comes in to glare at her without saying anything. She finally says that Punk better be telling the truth. Heyman leaves and Cena comes in to gloat, as well as make a joke about Ziggler being the first guy ever to forget the Five Moves of Doom. Vickie has found some Cena bowties in the Divas locker room, which suggests that she’s getting obsessed with Cena. Cena goes on a mini rant about Vickie is lying again, saying the ties aren’t even the right color.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro

Teddy Long comes out and makes it a four way match for a title. What title would that be though? The audience gets to pick what title is on the line and the results are up after the break. Post break, it’s Cesaro’s title on the line in a landslide.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

Truth and Barrett are both thrown to the floor quickly and Cesaro gets rolled up for two. Barrett decks Truth on the floor as Kofi sends Cesaro to the outside. The pumphandle slam gets two for Wade on Kofi, who immediately dives onto Cesaro on the floor. Truth comes back in t beat on Wade before gyrating a bit at him. Barrett to the floor, so it’s Kofi vs. Truth.

They know each other very well so no one can get an advantage, resulting in a stalemate off a double dropkick. The villains come back in and Kofi/Truth botch a spot where Truth was going to launch Kofi onto Cesaro. Kofi hits a suicide dive on Barrett but Truth misses a dive onto Cesaro. Cesaro throws Truth around a bit more as we take a break. Back with the two champions pounding on each other until Cesaro uses a half crab giant swing on Kofi.

Barrett makes the save and knocks Cesaro to the floor before hitting the Winds of Change on Kofi for two. Truth comes back in with the ax kick for two on Barrett, but Wade comes back and loads up a superplex. Truth knocks him down and Cesaro goes up top with Truth. Kofi runs up the corner and hits an armdrag to take Cesaro down. Wade tries the superplex again and we get a Tower of Doom with kofi on the bottom. Cesaro makes a VERY close save to break up the pin before getting two of his own off that fireman’s carry slam of his. That should be his finisher instead of the Neutralizer.

Truth clotheslines Cesaro and himself to the floor, leaving Wade and Kofi alone. Kofi elbows and dropkicks Barrett down as things speed up. Boom Drop hits but Cesaro breaks up Trouble in Paradise. Neutralizer is broken up by Truth and there’s the Bull Hammer to Truth. Kofi kicks Wade’s head off, but Cesaro pulls Kofi off Wade into the Neutralizer for the pin to retain at 12:23.

Rating: B. WAY better match than I was expecting here and a lot of that was because it was a title match. I had a reason to care who was getting those near falls because there was actually something on the line. It gets really dull when these matches have nothing up for grabs, so having something this simple was a nice addition. The only problem I have: why have Kofi get pinned here? Truth was RIGHT THERE but can’t take a loss?

We recap Maddox and the Shield saving Punk’s title twice now.

We also recap the Vickie/Vince stuff from earlier.

Time for MizTV to end the show. He’s got a lie detector test guy here from the sheriff’s department, but he says the wrong county. If Punk lies about the important stuff, Heyman has to face Ryback next week.After Miz explains a lie detector, we get on with the test. Miz asks about embarrassing moments in Punk’s career, like having Rey shave his head and about facing Orton when Miz was in the main event. There’s the walrus thing again. Punk thinks he can beat Ryback by himself, and that’s a big lie. The results are on the screen.

Oh apparently Punk COULD be lying. Miz asks about Maddox and the Shield…..but here’s the Shield to destroy Miz and clear the ring. They hit the Super Bomb and here’s HELL NO. The numbers catch up with the champs and Ambrose goes after Kane’s arm from earlier. Ryback comes out and throws Ambrose to the floor. Make that into the crowd as the beating is on.

HELL NO beats up the other guys and everyone goes into the crowd. Punk is left alone in the ring with Miz and kicks him to the floor. Punk and Heyman pose but Ryback comes back for the Shell Shock to Punk. Ryback gets a chair and a ladder to beat up the champion. Now it’s a table and a powerbomb through it for the champ to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than what they’ve been having lately. First of all, the lack of recaps helps A LOT. We didn’t have to waste a ton of time seeing the same stuff five times a show. Second, no stupid AJ/Vickie/Cena stuff. That stuff sucked the life out of shows because it never led anywhere. Now we didn’t have that and we got a major PPV match out of it. Throw in a fourway that actually meant something and Maddox getting massacred and you’ve got a better show. MUCH better than they’ve had in recent weeks, but three hours is still far too long.

Results

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Rollup to Young

AJ b. Tamina – Rollup

Sheamus/John Cena b. Big Show/Dolph Ziggler – AA to Ziggler

Damien Sandow b. Santino Marella – Terminus

Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Cross Armbreaker

Randy Orton b. Brad Maddox – RKO

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston, Wade Barrett and R-Truth – Neutralizer to Kingston

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