Starrcade 2000: The Last Of The Big Ones

Starrcade 2000
Date: December 17, 2000
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 6,596
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

It’s time for another of my thing of doing a string of shows in a row, in this case the final three WCW shows that I haven’t done at the end of their run: Starrcade 2000, Sin and Superbrawl Revenge. Anyway, the company is dead and buried with the WWF on the highest of highs and everyone knows it, even WCW. The main event this year is Sid vs. Scott Steiner. And this is supposed to be Wrestlemania to them. Right. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video sets up the PPV and the feuds all have at least one old person in it.

 

Tony doesn’t care at all and you can tell it clearly.

 

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Knoble/Karagis

 

These six guys feuded FOREVER, opening Thunder literally about 35 times out of a year. This is a triple threat tag team ladder match, but the person that pulls down the contract gets a single Cruiserweight Title match against Chavo (absolutely awesome at this point) later on. This is on the Best of Starrcade DVD (awesome set for the most part). Knoble and Karagis were members of the Dragons and 3 Count respectively before they broke off to have a three way feud.

 

3 Count is Shane Helms and Shannon Moore, the Dragons are Kaz Hayashi (you probably don’t remember him) and Jimmy Yang (called Yang here) and Knoble/Karagis are Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagis (you probably shouldn’t remember him either). Shannon and Kaz start us off. They’re actually making them tag here in a ladder match. I give up. Things speed up and Shannon tries to get a ladder which fails due to Evan.

 

They finally go after the ladders with 3 Count staying behind and getting one in the ring on their own first. Smart idea if I do type so myself. The Dragons run in for the save as we see the issue here: since one person can win, neither can run interference. As you would expect they drop the tagging almost immediately and the big war starts. I’m not even going to try to call the stuff here as it’s moving way too fast.

 

The title shot is tomorrow apparently. Karagis goes up but his partner makes the save. Yang drills them both and sets a ladder in the corner. Shannon takes a corkscrew moonsault off the second rope from Yang. Kaz takes Shane out as we hit the everyone hits a bunch of big dives and one guy (Knoble) is smart enough to just go up the ladder. Yang gets up and shoves the ladder over.

 

Tony actually tries to explain the slow climbs once you get to the top, in this case because you lose your balance at the top. Makes sense actually. They set a latter in the middle of the ring and put another one in between the rungs and make it a platform between the ladder in the ring and the middle rope. A bunch of people go up and come down, culminating with Helms getting a neckbreaker on Knoble.

 

There’s now a pair of ladders in the ring and the race is on. Yang, 3 Count and Knoble all go up so Shane gets a sunset bomb to Knoble, leaving Yang and Shannon up there. And there they go as well. Knoble goes up but the Dragon’s dominatrix manager Leia Meow makes the save. A third ladder comes in and make that a fourth as there’s one on the mat.

 

The Dragons take over and they use the four ladders to make a pretty solid scaffold. 3 Count takes them down and Kaz is sent flying into the ladder used as the bridge in the scaffold. 3 Count goes up but Knoble and Karagis makes the save. Knoble and Kaz go up to the bridge but Evan knocks Kaz off. Now it’s Yang vs. Helms on the bridge but Shannon does something similar to skinning the cat to pop up there and get Yang down. Knoble gets tossed and 3 Count grabs the contract at the same time so it would be a triple threat the next night.

 

Rating: A-. Awesome match here. It’s not as good as the TLC matches but then again the talent here wasn’t as solid. However this is well worth seeing and I’d bet it’s the match of the year for WCW already. Here’s where you can tell the difference between WCW and WWF though. This is about 3 and a half months before TLC 2 at Mania X7. That’s the match where Edge hit the spear on Jeff Hardy.

 

Later that year, Edge was the King of the Ring and got the Intercontinental Title where he feuded with Christian. Jeff got it even earlier, winning it in May. In other words, half of the six guys in that match won a singles midcard title within 8 months of that match. I think Matt got the European Title in there somewhere also. In other words, they put their bodies on the line (this is being written the day after Edge announced his retirement so in his case it’s almost literally) and gave us a great match. And for that, they were rewarded.

 

Do you think any of these guys did anything but mess around in the Cruiserweight division until WCW died? Of course that’s all they did. And why shouldn’t they? All they’re doing is having the best matches of the night every show and getting the crowd into them. But they’re not stars, so they can’t be anywhere near a push because then the fans might get entertained by them, and WCW could NEVER let that happen, and that’s why WCW isn’t around today.

 

Lance Storm comes up to the reluctant Canadian Jim Duggan (just go with it). Basically Duggan was going to get fired unless he joined Team Canada so they turned him heel but he missed America and couldn’t rejoin it or something.

 

Jeff Jarrett talks to Mike Sanders and doesn’t want a street fight. He wants a bunkhouse match. They agree to have both. They’re the same thing anyway so who cares.

 

Kronik agrees to do something for payment afterwards which is against their policy. They’re in a steam bath and towels for no apparent reason.

 

Lance Storm vs. The Cat

 

Cat kept getting pushes and I have no idea why. He has Ms. Jones with him who is rather attractive and Storm has Major Gunns who is rather appealing. Storm runs down America, blasting them for taking over a month to get through the elections and pointing out that the man with more votes didn’t win. Yep that’s the logic here in America. Never got that but who cares about logic right?

 

Cat wants his music for some dancing. After a few seconds it starts as we’re told that Cat cost Storm the US Title at Mayhem. We get a USA chant from the patriotic/xenophobic crowd. Storm hits the floor to try to kill them off a bit as we wonder where Hacksaw is. They shove each other a lot to start and Cat gyrates a bit. They fight over a wristlock and Cat fires off some kicks.

 

Gunns distracts Cat and Storm gets a shot in. Catfight is teased but the guys break it up. The girls get in the ring and the men break it up again to a chorus of booing. Storm hammers away with very basic offense. He sets for a suplex but gets reversed when he talks too much. Off to a chinlock as this has been rather boring so far. Cat fires back with nothing but strikes because it’s all he knows how to do.

 

Prime Time Elix Skipper drills Cat to take over so Cat beats him up in return. This is rather dull. Storm sends him into the railing so Ms. Jones tries to kick him. Storm ducks and the referee gets his head kicked off in a SICK shot. Dropkick to the back of Jones by Gunns as everyone is down. Storm gets his gorgeous springboard missile dropkick but the referee is delayed. Big kick by Cat gets two as does a Northern Lights suplex from Storm. Here’s Duggan to a big face reaction. He gives Cat a terribly weak shot (intentional) to the back and Storm gets his half crab to win. Whatever.

 

Rating: D. This was terribly boring. I never got the appeal of this feud at all and I don’t think anyone else did either. Cat was terribly boring the entire time that he got a midcard push but that never stopped him anyway. Weak match, bad ending, but you had two hot women….who never fought. Brilliant guys.

 

Team Canada beats Duggan down post match and Cat makes the save. He’s taking this “you hit me and cost me the match 30 seconds ago” quite well.

 

Mike Awesome gets here in an ambulance.

 

Buff Bagwell is the new interviewer and talks to the Filthy Animals. Apparently there won’t be a bunkhouse brawl and a street fight but rather one at the same time. They look like idiots and Konnan tries to sound cool. He fails.

 

Reno and Big Vito are coming to the ring when the Natural Born Thrillers say Reno can come back anytime.

 

Hardcore Title: Crowbar vs. Terry Funk

 

Crowbar is champion and loves the 70s here. Oh dear. Isn’t there already a 70s guy named Mike Awesome? They fight in the back to start as Funk jumps him. A shot into a truck gets two. Funk has been gone for months and everyone is shocked that he appears and has a title shot. I love jokes like that which poke fun at the company without meaning to. All Funk so far as Daffney screams a lot.

 

Crowbar gets a shot in with something that was apparently the grill of a car for two. They’re in the back of a big truck here. Crowbar hammers away to knock him out of the truck but can’t do it. Funk gets a hip toss to send him through a table and Funk chases Daffney away. Low blow puts Funk down and he keeps getting up. Yes, we get it: he can get hit and keep standing up.

 

A door gets slammed on Funk’s head and it’s handcuff time. Another low blow gets Funk out of it and he slams the same door on Crowbar’s head. You can see the video screen over their shoulders which is a weird visual since it’s backwards. Crowbar gets handcuffed and Funk hammers him with a chair. Hmm where have I see this before? They fight into the arena with a car door, although Crowbar is still handcuffed.

 

More chair shots follow and Funk sets up a table at ringside. Funk sets for an Asai Moonsault but Daffney pulls Crowbar off the table. Crowbar manages a chair shot despite being handcuffed which is somewhat impressive. He chokes Funk with the cuffs and gets a pescado through Funk through the table. Since Funk gets up first, Daffney hits Funk with a chair for two. Funk gets some more chair shots and a Piledriver onto the door for the title.

 

Rating: D. Yes, Terry Funk, a mere 56 years old here, is a champion in WCW. This is what they thought was the best move for WCW which blows my mind again and again. Honestly, who thought Terry Funk was a good draw at this point? Isn’t that what a champion is supposed to be? This company never got it and never would, which is why they died.

 

Team Canada blasts Duggan and Gunns messes up her one line. Gene says she can fly that Canadian flag on another pole.

 

Lex Luger, a top heel at this point, is getting ready for Goldberg.

 

Big Vito/Reno vs. Kronik

 

Well we get the very hot Marie here. Kronik is taking pay from someone to take the Italians out. Kronik was the APA ripoff that never went anywhere because everyone knew it was an APA ripoff. They imply Marie is the one paying them and she says it’s not her as the brawl starts. The Italians do their usual stuff which gets them beaten down even more. Clark vs. Vito at the moment with Clark in control.

 

Vito gets a “Mafia Kick” to take Clark down. That’s an insult to Chono. Adams wants the money from Marie now and Vito beats him up for it. When I say beats up I mean glares at Adams while Clark gets up so he can hit a flip at him. Marie still has no idea what Adams is talking about. This is a mess. Reno tries to make a save but gets stopped so it’s Adams vs. Vito at the moment.

 

Clothesline gets two for Vito but won’t tag. Note that Reno hasn’t been in yet and I think we all know what that means. Reno makes a save and I have a feeling that’s all he’s going to do during this match. Clark gets a belly to back and hits the chinlock. The Natural Born Thrillers, led by Commissioner Mike Sanders, come out to watch. Vito tries to fight both of them off and that fails as much as his future crossdressing gimmick.

 

He and Clark collide in a double crossbody and it’s finally the tag to Reno. Say it with me: Reno turns on Vito, hitting Roll the Dice (Cross Rhodes) to end it. Oh and Reno pins Vito for no apparent reason and Reno reveals himself as the financial backer before rejoining the Thrillers. Kronik beats Vito down post match.

 

Rating: D+. And most of that is for Marie looking good. This was a boring match with a boring and predictable feud. The Italians never went anywhere but they kept doing it anyway because they had no other ideas and the theory of cutting people was totally foreign to them so this is what you get.

 

3 Count says they’re the #1 contenders and to be fair it was a tag match so technically they both won. Chavo beats them down, saying they didn’t work hard enough.

 

MIA says they’re not splitting up. Rection (Bill DeMott) says this is about the US Title, which he holds at the moment.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Awesome is also a 70s guy because two of the same gimmick in one company is fine. Thankfully he takes the 70s clothes off and has his regular gear on underneath. We get a Lawrence Taylor reference because we’ve gone over an hour without making a WWF reference. They stay in the ring for maybe 9 seconds and hit the floor. Weapons are used all over the place with Awesome in control.

 

Bigelow gets a cup of something and throws it at Awesome to take over. They fight up to the ambulance as this is pretty dull so far. It’s not a bad match but it’s nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times this year already. Awesome says he’s putting Bigelow in but gets the door slammed on him for his trouble. Window gets busted out by Bigelow missing a right hand.

 

They leave the ambulance place and head back towards the ring because they’re not that smart. The fans chant for Goldberg out of boredom. They fight to the announce table and it’s the same kind of brawl as you would expect here. It’s the same thing we’ve seen time and time again and it’s not interesting anymore. They put a table in front of the ring and Awesome, the guy that set it up, goes through it via a backdrop.

 

We head over to the ambulance again with Bigelow in firm control. You know I hadn’t realized it but both of the people in this are dead and one in the previous match was as well. That’s always rather disturbing. Bigelow rips the lights off the top of the ambulance and Awesome knocks him through the roof of the ambulance. And no one cares.

 

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible but at the same time Mike Awesome was a waste of talent here as he was thrown into matches with old guys for hardcore matches again and again and no one cared. Dude, he’s a freaking MONSTER and he’s doing this. And people wonder why WCW went out of business. And yes I know I’ve said that a lot but it’s so obvious that the company is screwing up left and right.

 

Reno says his family is the Thrillers. Sanders isn’t worried about the tag title match later. They say they have a gift for Gene later.

 

US Title: Shane Douglas vs. General Rection

 

Shane has been feuding with the MIA for no apparent reason. Rection is the champion here. Torrie, Shane’s valet, isn’t here tonight and Shane blames Rection. Shane jumps Rection and we’re off and jogging. They chop it out in the corner and we hear about the US Title being the #1 contender belt. I wonder how often that actually happened as I can remember only a handful of times.

 

Out to the floor with Rection badly missing kicks to the head but Shane selling them anyway. To the announce table for about the 5^th time tonight. We head back in and Shane pulls the ropes up to crotch the General and take over. Rection says HIT ME so Shane walks into a bearhug. Madden talks about the MIA (Misfits in Action) all leaving Rection at this point.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t argue all that hard. Morrus’ answer? More bearhug. Shane breaks up an attempt at the moonsault and hits a swinging neckbreaker. We go to the floor after a Shane beatdown to see Morrus pick him up and ram him into….something and Shane is busted open. Allegedly the back of Shane’s head hit the post and it hit it so hard it busted open the wrong side of his head.

 

The moonsault misses again and Douglas pulls the chain out of his tights. You could call either the real thing or the joke a foreign object I guess. Morrus knocks it out of his hand and here’s former MIA member Chavo. Chavo gets the chain and throws it to Shane, then shows the referee that Shane has the weapon.

 

Rating: D. Again, THIS WAS DULL. That’s been the problem with the whole show other than the opener. None of these matches make me think this is the biggest show of the year. They make me think this is a glorified Nitro and that I want to get to the next match because it means we’re that much closer to the end of the show. Absolutely terrible so far and this was another boring and not very good match.

 

Big beatdown by Shane on both guys follows until the other two Misfits come out for the save. Each checks on one guy and it seems we have a split. Yeah I don’t care either.

 

Scott Steiner says he’s going to win and implies sex with multiple women.

 

Glacier is coming again and the announcers make fun of the whole idea.

 

The Insiders, DDP and Nash, have a title shot tonight and are with Bagwell here. They make fun of being old and that they make a ton of money.

 

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Brothers vs. Filthy Animals

 

The Animals are Kidman, Konnan and the unmasked Rey. This is a bunkhouse (meaning street fight) street fight. There are a bunch of weapons around the ring such as a popcorn machine, a bar (as in NORM!) and a shopping cart full of aluminum cans. At least we get Tygress gyrating. She’s on commentary here also. Naturally this is a total brawl with all kinds of weapons everywhere.

 

Rey and Kidman have a Harris in the ring and that’s done in seconds as that Harris goes into the popcorn maker. The Animals are in control here and the Bronco Buster goes all around. Well except for on Jarrett who gets his foot up and kicks Rey in the balls, much to Tygress’ sadness. Jarrett tries to superplex Kidman onto the bar but instead it’s something like a double spinebuster with Kidman and Rey putting Jarrett through the bar for two.

 

Double bulldog onto a Harris onto a sign onto a trashcan. Getting what we’re up against here? Rey gets a Boom Drop while sitting on a street sign off the middle rope. Apparently this feud started over Rey vs. Jarrett. Rey gets powerbombed into a dumpster via the master of Slapnuts. Everyone beats on Kidman and now, 8 minutes into the match, we start tagging. I give up.

 

Double big boot by the Harrisses mostly misses Kidman. Jarrett gets a sweet dropkick for no cover on Billy. Off to a sleeper now as Konnan checks to make sure that Rey is still alive. Kidman reverses as Tony talks about drinks, sandwiches and laxatives. It was a different time. There’s the balmy 70 degree tag to Konnan who beats up various people until he walks into the H Bomb.

 

This is the Nashville World Order. Just stop guys. Just stop. Table comes in as Madden wonders why there are so many tables under the ring which is a fair question. Rey gets out of the dumpster with a broom and the announcers talk about a clean sweep. Jarrett gets put on the table, only for Rey to dive over him and get dropped through it himself. Kidman fights Jarrett a bit and hits the Kid Crusher. He goes for the Shooting Star though and gets drilled with a beer bottle. Stroke ends him soon thereafter.

 

Rating: C-. This was better than you would think actually. They hammered on each other and until the stupid tagging part came in, this was a pretty fun brawl. The problem is that this was what….the fourth brawl out of six or seven matches? The overkill caught up with them here and it made the match that would have been good seem a bit weaker by comparison.

 

Sarge, the guy that trained Goldberg, says he wished he would fight Luger later. Luger jumps him and leaves him laying. Good for him as Sarge is said to be one of the biggest jerks in wrestling history, including saying that Batista had no future in wrestling and treating him like nothing.

 

The announcers talk about Goldberg’s second streak and how Luger can’t beat him on his own so he has to use stuff like this. Yes, make Goldberg madder. That’ll make the match easier no?

 

We recap the Insiders vs. the Thrillers. The idea is that the old guys beat them already at Mayhem but Sanders stripped them because he could.

 

Tag Titles: Insiders vs. Perfect Event

 

DDP/Nash vs. Stasiak/Palumbo if you’re luckily not familiar. Before the match, Flair, the boss with spiky hair here, says that if Sanders moves towards the ring then the Insiders get the titles. Flair making a token appearance at Starrcade is ok with me. Sanders yells at the commentators here and says something about cupcakes. We hear the “Page is 45, looks 35 and wrestles 25” line. Palumbo vs. Nash to start with Nash of course plowing through him.

 

Palumbo gets a clothesline to put him down but misses the elbow. Nash tags as I continue to wonder how Page fell so far in like a year. I think it was the haircut actually. Off to Stasiak who gets chopped not that hard. Stasiak’s balls get attached to the pole which is how they’re designed to be I think. Page gets a belly to belly for two. Diamond Cutter doesn’t work so he settles for a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam which is close enough) for two. He sets for the Diamond Cutter again but has to turn around to look for Palumbo to break it up. Jungle (Super) kick puts Page down and the champions take over.

 

Chuck gets an overhead belly to belly and stops a Page comeback so he can send in Stasiak. Ok never mind as it’s back to Palumbo seconds later. DDP fights out of the corner and does the falling into Stasiak’s crotch spot ala Sting. If you didn’t get the idea the first time around, Page fights out of the corner again, this time with a discus lariat. Both guys go down again until we finally get the tag to Nash.

 

Nash cleans house and Pages takes a low blow. The double team move by the champions gets two and Stasiak takes a Cutter on the floor. Belt shot gets two for Palumbo and the other Thrillers get beaten down with relative ease by Page. Big boot and Jackknife to Palumbo give the Insiders the titles.

 

Rating: C-. Very standard tag match here which was fine although I do wonder why they did the title change the previous month in more or less the same match. Oh that’s right: it gives Nash and Page two title changes instead of one. The Diamond Cutter still gets a good reaction which is the sign of a good finisher. Anyway, basic match here and possibly the second best match of the night, which is a bad sign.

 

We recap Goldberg vs. Luger. The idea is that Goldberg has to get to 177-0, breaking his old streak, to get another world title shot. Luger beat up Goldberg’s trainer to set this up.

 

Lex Luger vs. Goldberg

 

This is a rematch from Mayhem. Goldberg is on a 30 match winning streak here. Luger just fell apart after about 1998. Goldberg jumps him before the bell rings and we’re on the floor early. Luger tries to run go Bill beats on him even more in the aisle. This is a total domination. Luger finally shoves him into the post to break the momentum a bit. This is no holds barred apparently, meaning we have ANOTHER no DQ match.

 

Bagwell and Sarge come out and you can smell the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY heel turn coming a mile away. Also a little over 11 years ago in the past but maybe that’s implied. Goldberg gets a big shoulder and sets for the spear. Luger pulls the referee in front like last month but Goldberg pulls up in time. Sarge goes down and Luger gets a shot with brass knuckles for two. Bagwell sets for a Blockbuster which he of course hits Goldberg with, continuing his bromance with Luger. Buff drills Sarge on the floor as the Rack gets blocked. Spear and Jackhammer end Luger.

 

Rating: D+. Big brawl here which again, WE SAW IT EARLIER. The heel turn went nowhere of course other than setting up the tag match next month where Goldberg lost, never to be seen in WCW again. It’s another stupid turn for the sake of a stupid turn but that’s WCW for you. Not much of a match but it could have been worse.

 

Buff pops Goldberg with a chair and leaves with Luger. Yes, a chair from Buff Bagwell put Goldberg down. I’m done.

 

Goldberg picks up some fan that said he wanted to meet Goldberg. That’s always cool to see.

 

We recap Sid vs. Steiner. Sid was the big surprising return and no one, I mean no one, cared.

 

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Steiner

 

We hear about various title matches at Starrcade. None of them are anywhere nearly as weak as this one……not even…..hang on a second…….not even Flair vs…….bear with me here……Flair vs. Garvin. Man that was hard to write. Midajah is gorgeous other than her face. Sid is in long tights which I never remember seeing him in. Steiner chops away so Sid pounds him down.

 

This is going to be one of those matches where they have to shoot each other to get the other to sell right? Steiner wants a test of strength and Steiner dominates it with ease. Sid breaks it up and gets a leg drop for two. They head to the floor and Midajah hits him with the pipe. Chair to the side of the head as I’m assuming this is no DQ also.

 

Back in the ring and Scott dominates. The horribly weak looking chinlock goes on but Sid reaches him arm over maybe a good 8 inches to get the rope for the break. It goes back on in the middle of the ring but Sid just stands up. Midajah hits a cross body to Steiner by mistake and Sid adds a chokeslam for two.

 

Cobra clutch by Sid but Steiner pops the referee. Pipe to the back of Sid as this is breaking down by the second. Another referee is here and it gets two. Jarrett comes down as apparently this is our big surprise for the show. The guitar shot hits Scott though for two as Jeff pulls the referee out. In a cool sight, Jarrett swings at thto e referee but Robinson (referee) ducks, slides in, and counts two again. Powerbomb is blocked by a low blow and a few seconds later Sid passes out in the Recliner to keep the title on Steiner.

 

Rating: D-. To the shock of no one, this was a mess. Jarrett and Steiner are apparently the big heel alliance now and no one cares. Of course Steiner, allegedly a nightmare backstage at this point, continues his Superman push. The match ran like 10 minutes. From Race vs. Flair….to this. Let that sink in for a bit. Steiner holding up the belt with one of the side plates falling off is a sad sight indeed.

 

Overall Rating: D. I’ve seen worse shows, but the problem here is that other than the ladder match, absolutely nothing here feels like it belongs on a major PPV. I mean really, the ladder match is worth seeing (although it’s got nothing on the first TLC matches or the triangle ladder match but still) but other than that, I’m not going to remember a thing on this show in about two hours.

 

They managed to make Starrcade, once the biggest show in the world, into nothing more than a run of the mill show. This was a great example of why the company died. There was no reason for the main event to happen, no one wanted to see it, the people in it were never going anywhere, there were ten matches and you could argue six of them were weapons/hardcore based matches and there was one match worth watching with the people in it never getting a push. This my friends is WCW and that is why it died. Off to Sin.
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