One Night Stand 2008: Undertaker Climbs A Ladder

One Night Stand 2008
Date: June 1, 2008
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 9,961
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Tazz

 

We round out this short series with the 2008 edition. The main event here is Edge vs. Taker in a TLC match for the vacant Smackdown Title. The boys in red have HHH vs. Orton in I think their first or second last man standing match. This is basically Extreme Rules which is what the show would be renamed the next year. Oh and Batista and Shawn have a stretcher match that had a big hand in moving Shawn vs. Jericho forward. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video talks about how there is a night for rules and a night for restraint. This is not that night. It runs down the main matches which is about what an opening video is supposed to do.

 

JR sounds so bored being here it’s unreal.

 

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

 

Falls count anywhere. Jeff is in his whole chasing the brass ring phase here as he would be for most of 2008. Hardy charges straight at him….and down he goes. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two. It’s as fast as it sounds. Jeff jumps into a spinning release Rock Bottom (called a Black Hole Slam by JR) but is fine a few seconds later, hitting a plancha to the floor for two.

 

Into the crowd we go as Umaga sends Jeff flying to various places. Jeff finds a weapon in the form of a hollow traffic barrel which he chucks at Umaga’s head. Thankfully Umaga has studied his stereotypes and kicks Jeff in the face for two. Good boy. Umaga misses a charge into an anvil case and Jeff finds a fire extinguisher….which he can’t get to work. Finally he gets a shot off and Youmanga is staggered.

 

They’re in the back now and head into a stairwell where Jeff slides down the railing like you would see a little kid do, ramming into Umaga for two. To be fair that’s something that actually was logical so I can’t fault him there. Out into the concourse with Umaga getting two after throwing Jeff into a garbage can. They go outside and it’s all Samoan fat man. Jeff is rammed into a backhoe or something like that for two.

 

Basically the idea here is Hardy gets thrown into random objects before he can find something to jump off. They fight up to the production truck and Hardy hammers away which actually works to an extent. It’s kind of weird seeing a blue sky like that behind them. They climb a truck with Shawn’s face on it and Jeff kicks him off before hitting a huge Swanton onto an unseen Umaga for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Just a hardcore match here which was designed to set up the big spot at the end and give Hardy a win. Nothing wrong with that but there was nothing particularly great here at all. Umaga was a guy that you can only do so much with and Jeff wasn’t the kind of guy that could do something like that, which isn’t his fault. Not bad, but nothing great at all.

 

From earlier today we see Foley giving us a preview of the stretcher match. By preview I mean he explains the rules and says the stretcher can be used as a weapon. I have absolutely no idea what the point to this was.

 

Shawne Merriman is here.

 

We kind of recap the Singapore Cane on a Pole match for a shot at Kane at the next PPV for the ECW Title. In short, Show has dominated all of the other four people in this.

 

Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Tommy Dreamer

 

Ok so there’s a pole with a cane on each corner and the winner gets Kane next month at Night of Champions. You win via pinfall. Punk is Mr. MITB again. Dreamer is in white tights here. That’s uh….different. Miz and Morrison are tag champions here as is their custom. I’m not even sure how many of these people are on ECW at this point. There’s the bell and while everyone jumps Show, Morrison tries to go up. This fails miserably and Show throws people around for a bit.

 

Punk finally gets in enough shots to get Show down. Chavo adds a frog splash and everyone goes up and gets a cane to beat Show down as well as they can, actually knocking him to the floor. Chavo accidentally hits Shawne Merriman with a cane so Punk slingshots Chavo onto the table. Merriman says let me hit him so Punk tosses him a cane for a good shot.

 

Show is back up and kills Morrison with a cane shot. Miz is here now and does just about as well. Show picks up the steps to crush Miz with but Morrison gets a shot in to save his buddy. Dreamer takes over in the ring and hits a pumphandle suplex with the cane to Morrison. We get a Texas Cloverleaf to Punk but Morrison makes the save. Show’s eye is cut.

 

Chavo reverses a superplex from Morrison so Punk tries one on him, only to allow Morrison to pop up and get a Tower of Doom, crushing Dreamer in the process. And here comes Show with blood around his eyes. Whoa whoa WHOA. There’s a freaking trashcan full of Singapore canes at ringside. THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE FREAKING POLES??? Show uses like 10 of them to destroy everyone and a chokeslam kills Dreamer. A big shot with the cane ends him and Show gets Kane at the next PPV which Mark Henry would also be added to.

 

Rating: D. I didn’t like this for a few reasons. It was just an excuse to fill in time before Show killed everyone which is understandable I guess. However, the trashcan of canes defeated the entire purpose of the poles. It wasn’t a good match in the first place as guys like Punk are made to look weak compared to Show, which is understandable but dude, what was the point of the poles? This didn’t work at all for me.

 

Vince’s One Million Dollar Giveaway starts tomorrow.

 

Todd Grisham talks to Vince and it’s not a stunt apparently. Also it’s called McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania. Simmons pops up after Vince says WWE employees aren’t eligible. No idea why he was there but whatever.

 

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

No recap for this one but these two feuded forever so there isn’t much of an explanation needed. It’s first blood here. This is the slimmed down JBL which is always kind of a weird look for him. JBL instantly takes off a turnbuckle as does Cena. They have big pads in there which is a new one on me. They slug it out to start with Bradshaw taking over early. Big boot misses and here comes Cena.

 

We’re on the floor inside 90 seconds and back in the ring inside 95 seconds. That was rather pointless but whatever. Fans way against Cena here. Cena gets thrown to the floor as the kids chant for him. Back in the ring and this is far more of a brawl than a match. JBL has a glove or tape or something on his right hand. Into the aisle and JBL rakes Cena’s face against the metal barrier (not the padded one).

 

Chair is brought in but JBL misses a chair shot to Cena’s head with it against the post. Instead Bradshaw settles for what I think was the mic and Cena is down. Yes it was the mic and back in the ring JBL adds some more shots with it. Cena fights back with his usual ending sequence but the FU is countered and both guys go down. A shot to the post doesn’t make Cena bleed so here are some steps.

 

Those miss also as JBL threw them for some reason. DDT onto the steps doesn’t work and JBL is down again. The padded end of the mic to JBL’s head amazingly doesn’t draw blood. Cena’s major was exercise physiology and not common sense so that makes sense I guess. Back in the ring Cena can’t hit a chair shot so JBL sends him into one of the exposed buckles for no blood.

 

Cena hits a bulldog onto the chair which doesn’t work. JBL goes over to his towel and finds a chain which goes into Cena’s ribs. FU out of nowhere puts JBL down which doesn’t really do anything other than slow him down. JBL slowly gets up and hits a big boot to tie Cena’s arms up in the ropes. His newest idea: a bullwhip. And never mind as Cena kicks him in the balls and puts on the STFU with the chain for the fastest bleeding from the mouth you will EVER see. Ending was awful, as was most of the match.

 

Rating: D+. I didn’t like this at all for the most part. The problem with first blood is that for the most part it’s a total of one move that means anything for the entire match. Also, this feud is straight up played out. They seem almost incapable of having a good match and this is just the latest example of it. Nothing to see here and way too long as it was 15 minutes of big move, no blood, big move, no blood etc. At least it ended here though.

 

Night of Champions is coming.

 

Orton suggests that he and Batista restart Evolution. Batista walks away.

 

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

 

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

 

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

 

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

 

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

 

Cena is with the doctor and Mickie comes in. They were doing a weird romance thing at the time and Mickie suggests trying some submissions later tonight. Adamle comes in to ruin it because that’s just what he does. He has friends he’s hanging out with later and suggests they go to Tijuana with them. Adamle gives Cena some of JBL’s energy drink and they suggest submissions they could try such as a rear naked choke or a head scissors. Ok then.

 

The fans think Shawn will win the stretcher match.

 

We recap Shawn vs. Batista which is a way too long and way too intricate story. At Backlash Shawn faked a knee injury (allegedly but they kept changing it from fake to real) to beat Batista. This led to Jericho getting in Shawn’s face which led to their feud down the road. Batista said he hoped it was real so Jericho called him out on it. Shawn said he was faking and then Jericho didn’t believe him. Batista is now all ticked off over it. This is somehow connected to Shawn retiring Flair which isn’t mentioned here at all but whatever.

 

Batista vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Stretcher match. Shawn charges at him and things go badly for HBK off that. Out to the floor and Batista drops Shawn onto the stretcher. Shawn sends him into the steps as we’re in the hardcore version of feeling out I guess. The fans seem to be completely behind Shawn here. Foley tries to convince us that Batista is all nervous because this is such a big match. I guess the third biggest match on One Night Stand pales in comparison to the main event of Wrestlemania?

 

Shawn rams the stretcher into Batista and puts the pad back on so he can do it again. Uh….ok? Batista tries to grab a Batista Bomb on the floor but Shawn counters into a guillotine choke. I don’t get why they keep trying to do the stretcher stuff at ringside. Couldn’t you push the stretcher past the finish line and then just put them on the stretcher to win? The choke lets them go up the aisle a bit but Big Dave fights him off to escape.

 

Batista works over the back now as we head back into the ring. Powerslam hits but Shawn avoids a spear to send Batista into the post. Foley is treating this match like it’s bigger and more brutal than the Cell. It’s a fighting match but at the same time, it’s not exactly you vs. HHH at the 2000 Rumble dude. Shawn gets the big elbow but his back is hurt. Sweet Chin Music is countered by a clothesline but Shawn counters the Bomb and hits the kick to send Batista through the ropes onto the stretcher.

 

Dave fights him off though and we’re still not ready to go towards the finish line. Batista takes a stretcher to the ribs but he blocks another attempt at it. They get in something resembling a tug of war over it and the stretcher goes into Shawn a few times to give Batista momentum again. Back into the ring because that’s where this is supposed to go right?

 

Foley again overdoes it by saying that it was all evil for Batista to use the stretcher as a weapon. Why is that evil again in a match with limited rules? Back in the ring it’s a spear and Batista Bomb to have Shawn more or less dead. Batista puts him on the stretcher and here’s Jericho to give Shawn a pep talk or something for no apparent reason. Batista just kind of sits back and watches and is like “yeah sure I’ll let one of the best ever get a breather when I had him dead.”

 

For no apparent reason Batista puts him back into the ring again and Shawn does the whole dramatic attempt to pull himself up using Batista. He shoves Batista away (more like slapping his chest) and lifts his leg into the ribs for what was supposed to be Sweet Chin Music. Batista just stands there as Shawn collapses. He actually says “I’m not sorry, I don’t love you” and another Batista Bomb looks to end it. Jericho stops it AGAIN and Shawn falls off the stretcher. Batista gets the steps and a spinebuster onto them is enough to finally end this.

 

Rating: C. I have no idea what they were going for here. At various times it felt like a soap opera, a revenge match, a weird Rocky style of match and a big brutal war. The problem is it never got very good at any of those things and the whole thing is pretty much a mess. It’s not awful I guess but I fail to see what the stretcher did or what Jericho did here. Very weird match indeed and really hard to say if it was good or bad.

 

We recap Orton vs. HHH. HHH got the title back at Backlash and this is the second rematch. Even the buildup package for this seems boring. This is their second last man standing match apparently.

 

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

 

The entrances take forever of course. Big match intros waste more time. There’s the bell and let’s stand around a little bit more. HHH sends him into the steps shoulder first. Back in and HHH hammers away even more. The shoulder is sent into the post twice as this has been 100% HHH domination so far.

 

Orton mostly hits the dropkick to take HHH down but Orton can’t follow up due to being beaten on for about three minutes in a row. HHH casually sends him to the floor and Orton can barely move. Over to the tables and it’s ECW instead of the Spanish one, namely due to there not being a Spanish one. Pedigree is blocked into an RKO attempt but HHH fights it off. Orton grabs the elevated DDT off the table to put HHH down for the first time.

 

We go really old school as Orton peels back the mats on the floor. HHH shoves the RKO attempt off and the shoulder goes into the post again. Back in a big shot to the back of HHH’s head gets seven and Orton brings in the steps. Here’s an extension cord as it’s time to choke the Game out. HHH gets up at 8 so Orton charges for the RKO. Orton gets thrown over the top rope and there goes his collarbone. He wouldn’t wrestle again for about 7 weeks.

 

HHH, ever the nice guy, keeps hammering away. Hey if he can take a Liontamer on a table then Orton can take this. HHH grabs the sledgehammer and pops Orton right in the head with it. Naturally that’s it and to be fair, this probably was supposed to be WAY longer if not for the injury. A 15 minute main event for Raw is a bit short to say the least. Not Orton or HHH’s fault mind you, just a fact.

 

Rating: C+. Match was just ok but like I said it was missing the last act which isn’t their fault. Orton and HHH can’t seem to have that classic for one reason or another and here it wasn’t because of the lack of chemistry. The problem is that with this being the second of three last man standing matches they’ve had, how interested can you really get into it? Nothing special here but not bad I guess.

 

Replays show that he landed right on the shoulder when he went over the top.

 

Night of Champions is still the next PPV. It’s not like Uprising or Bragging Rights or Vengeance or whatever it’s called at the moment.

 

Orton gets taken out minus a stretcher to applause. Oh yeah you can see how different the left side of his body looks compared to his right. It’s clearly a bad injury.

 

We recap Taker vs. Edge for the vacant title. Taker had to vacate the title because of using the Hell’s Gate so he and Edge had a match at Judgment Day which Taker won via countout. Since you can’t win that way, Vickie made this a TLC match for the title and if Taker loses he’s gone FOREVER.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

 

TLC match remember. Edge’s eyes during Taker’s entrance are awesome. Taker goes straight for him and Edge is in trouble to start. He pounds away as we’re just killing time before we go for the crazy stuff. Old School hits about 80 seconds in and a big boot puts Edge down. Here’s our first ladder but Edge hits a baseball slide into it to send it into Taker and back down to the floor.

 

Edge stacks up a pair of tables but Taker gets in a ladder shot to break that up. Cole points out the stupidity of Vickie saying that the title can only be won by pin or submission so she makes a match where you don’t win by pin or submission. Taker loads up two more tables so there are four in a two by two setup. Edge takes him down but can’t make the climb as Taker drills him off the ladder.

 

Snake Eyes into the ladder is countered and Edge this the floor again. This is a rather slow paced match so far but they have a ton of time so it’s not like they have to hurry or anything. Taker goes up but Edge makes the stop, sending Taker off the ladder and into another ladder that was laid across the buckle. Snake Eyes onto the ladder on the other corner is followed by a boot to the ladder to Edge in the corner.

 

Out to the floor and we get our first chair brought in. Isn’t it amazing that in a regular match a chair shot is enough to end anyone but here like 10 of them just slow people down? Taker tries his leg drop on the apron but Edge gets a chair up to block it. Last Ride to a ladder bridged between the ring and the barricade is blocked due to it would kill Edge. Chair to the head takes Taker down. Good thing Edge retired or he’d have a big penalty for that.

 

There’s another chair to the head and Taker is more or less done. Edge puts him on a table in front of the announce table and splashes Taker through it. That isn’t enough to keep Taker down so a spear in the ring sets up the ladder being crushed around Taker’s leg. Conchairto to the ladder to Taker’s knee. Edge brings in the required big ladder and bashes Taker’s head in two more times with a chair.

 

Edge, the (Dusty) Rhodes Scholar that he is, goes to the floor instead of climbing up the already set ladder. He wants a Conchairto but Taker gets a low blow to break it up. Chokeslam to the ladder bridge half kills Edge but Hawkins and Ryder come out to stop Taker from getting the title. They set up a double table spot, as in Taker is on a table and they put one on top of that. Taker fights out of it though and sends Hawkins off the top with a chokeslam to the floor. Ryder takes the same but Edge is back up now.

 

A spear sends Taker to the barrier and Edge….puts another table on top of the one Taker was on a second ago before he goes up. Why in the world would he do that? Taker makes the stop though and it’s a Last Ride for Edge through the two tables in the corner. The tables slowed it WAY down though. So that’s why Edge did it: because the spot they had planned called for it. So noted.

 

Taker goes up again but Bam Neeley (remember him?) and Chavo come out this time. They stomp away but can’t hit a Conchairto. It’s a chair shot to the head for each of them so Taker moves the ladder a few feet over because when it was under the belt it wasn’t in the proper position for the big spot of the match. Taker goes up, so far away from the belt that he couldn’t reach it with a three foot pole. Edge shoves the ladder over and Taker goes through the four tables. He climbs up and Edge is champion while Taker is “retired”.

 

Rating: B. Well this was good but when the two major spots of the match were THAT stupid looking it brings this down a few notches. Taker would of course be back in like two months at the longest as he took the title from Edge in the Cell at Summerslam. Either way, not too shabby here but TLC has been done far better than this before. Taker was game though, which helped a lot.

 

Taker gets the big slow walk to the back to a standing ovation.

 

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but at the same time there was just no real point to a lot of this being gimmicked. Some of the stuff was good but dude, did ANYONE believe that Taker would be gone after a match at One Night Stand, a B/C level show? Not a terrible show, but there was no real need for both this show and Judgment Day. Combine those shows and it’s much, much stronger.

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