Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania VII: No That Isn’t A Tear In My Eye
Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon
Willie Nelson sings America the Beautiful.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan is dressed like a drunk Uncle Sam and comes out for commentary for the opening match since Heenan is managing. He gives his thoughts on the main matches too.
Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers
Shawn and Haku get us going with Michaels trying to speed things up, only to be slammed into the corner. The second attempt at flying around works a bit better as a dropkick puts Haku down. The Rockers do some of their double teaming stuff but Barbie takes them down with a big double clothesline. Shawn and Marty double superkick him down though and the Heenan Family has to regroup a bit.
Rating: B. Just a fast paced tag team match here with power vs. speed. This is one of those formulas that works no matter how many times you do it as long as you have talented guys in there. The future Faces of Fear were fine as monsters for the Rockers to conquer and it set a good pace for the show here. Solid opening match.
Gene is with Marla Maples (not really famous), Alex Trebek and Regis Philbin, our celebrities for tonight. Regis is scared of Earthquake, Trebek tries to make Jeopardy jokes, and Marla is still not famous. Apparently she was married to Donald Trump. Ok then.
Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado
Warlord and Slick are ready for Davey Boy.
Davey Boy Smith vs. Warlord
Rating: C+. This would be filed under the category of “shocking the world” as it was actually a pretty solid match. Bulldog would get a lot better all of a sudden while Warlord would fall further down the card than he already was. This was way better than I was expecting and it turned into a pretty decent power match.
Jimmy Hart and hits Nasty Boys are ready to take the tag titles from the Harts.
The Harts say good luck cracking the Foundation.
Tag Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys
Off to Anvil who starts powering Knobs around and pounds away in the corner. After being knocked to the floor, Brian comes right back in and is immediately caught in an armbar. The Nastys double team Neidhart in their corner to FINALLY take over, but a mat slam is enough to let Neidhart tag Bret back in. Hart tries to fight off both of the Boys, only to get decked from behind by Knobs.
Rating: B-. Another solid tag match here as the division was getting very hot all of a sudden. The Harts would quietly split up after this with Bret moving into the IC Title picture soon thereafter. The Nastys would hold the titles over the summer before dropping them to the monsters known as the LOD at Summerslam.
Jake says snakes always do it better in the dark.
Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel
The Nasty Boys celebrate in the back and disgust Marla Maples.
Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker
Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage
Before the match, Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth sitting in the crowd. Warrior only walks to the ring with a coat on instead of his usual sprint to the ring. His trunks have the WWF Title belt on the back with the words “Means much more than this”. The fans HATE Savage here while Warrior gets some great pops. They lock up to start with Warrior easily shoving Randy down a few times. A shoulder does nothing for Savage so he heads to the outside.
We hit the chinlock/sleeper for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Sherri tries to interfere again but the referee is taken down in the process. AGAIN the Queen interferes but accidentally takes Savage out by mistake. Warrior goes after her but gets caught in a rollup for two. Heenan is panicking over this stuff. Savage clotheslines him down and hits the flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, which gets a two count in total. To say Savage is in shock is the understatement of the year.
Jake Roberts and Damien torment Trebek a bit. This is why intermission getting cut out was a good idea.
Demolition vs. Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao
Boss Man says Heenan and his Family has nowhere else to hide tonight.
Mr. Perfect and Heenan say about what you would expect them to say about Big Boss Man.
Intercontinental Title: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect
Boss Man and Andre clean house post match.
Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno and Henry Winkler are here. Yep, the Fonz showed up at Wrestlemania.
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine
The LOD says Power and Glory will be sour and gory after the match.
Power and Glory vs. Legion of Doom
Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase
Virgil gets one of the three big pops of his entire career here, with the first being when he finally hit DiBiase with the belt. The other will be in less than ten minutes. Virgil pounds away to start and sends Ted out to the floor. Back in and Ted hits a clothesline but an elbow misses a second later. DiBiase, the wrestler, easily takes Virgil down and hits a suplex for two. Things are REALLY slow now compared to just a few moments before. We head to the floor for a bit with DiBiase shoving down Piper, who was on crutches at this point. DiBiase talks some trash so Piper pulls the top rope down but the distraction is enough for a countout.
DiBiase puts Virgil in the Million Dollar Dream post match but Piper hits him with the crutch to break it up. Queen Sherri comes out to help with a beatdown of Piper, as she is now managing DiBiase. Referees come out to break it up until Virgil makes the save. Virgil tells Piper to get up, as Piper had told him over the last few months.
We get a clip of Slaughter and General Adnan burning a Hogan t-shirt.
Slaughter threatens to get himself disqualified to keep the title. We get a clip of Slaughter beating up Hogan and Duggan as Slaughter laughs evily.
The Mountie vs. Tito Santana
Here are the celebrities: Regis is on commentary, Marla Maples is the timekeeper and Alex Trebek is ring announcer.
WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan
Ratings Comparison
Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian
Original: B
Redo: B
Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo
Original: F
Redo: D
British Bulldog vs. Warlord
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation
Original: C-
Redo: B-
Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel
Original: F
Redo: F
Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka
Original: D+
Redo: D+
Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage
Original: A+
Redo: A
Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition
Original: W (For What were they thinking)
Redo: D+
Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect
Original: C-
Redo: C
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine
Original: N/A
Redo: F+
Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase
Original: C-
Redo: D
The Mountie vs. Tito Santana
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter
Original: C+
Redo: C
Overall Rating
Original: C
Redo: B-
These things need to be different already.
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