Unforgiven 1999: Cracking Open A Six Pack

We’re in the HHH era here as the title is vacant after Vince of all people won it on Smackdown. He’s vacated it and tonight the main event is a 6 Pack Challenge for the belt with Rock, HHH, Mankind, Kane, Big Show and British Bulldog for the belt. I remember this match from back in the day and thought it was a great buildup. Something tells me I’ll be wrong. Other than that we have the Kennel From Hell match and a guy named Jericho is here now. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, there was an angle running here where the referees were on strike since HHH kept beating them up. It means something later on in the night but for the most part it’s just overbooking.

The intro is about the main event and has a Holy Grail theme. Sure why not. The voiceover guy speaks in Latin. That’s kind of cool. It’s saying a lot when Vince just walks into WCW’s stronghold and throws up a big PPV and draws 16,000 people. The referees are on strike so we have scabs tonight. We have a labor dispute on a wrestling show.

Val Venis vs. Steve Blackman

Venis had stolen Blackman’s bag of weapons for no apparent reason. Venis does his Joel Gertner imitation and shows that Gertner is better at it. The Brooklyn Brawler is the referee here. Blackman has on red shoes. Ok then. Venis has replaced the weapons with sex toys. Wow this is 1999 isn’t it? The crowd is relatively dead here but not entirely I guess. We hit the floor and it’s still mostly Blackman. This isn’t interesting in the slightest.

We hear about Taker walking out on Smackdown. He wouldn’t be back until June as the American Bad Guy. Sweet GOODNESS this is a boring match. Chyna could become the first female champion tonight. I knew Moolah and Richter were men in disguise! The crowd is totally dead now.

I haven’t seen one this bad in a long time. The Money Shot ends it with ease. This was awful. Blackman knocks him out with a kendo stick and medical people, one of which would become a Diva, comes to help him.

Rating: D-. VERY boring match here. I mean nothing happened at all and the crowd might as well have been watching a dark match. Just a terrible opener that had zero business being on a PPV. Hated it.

Big Show says he doesn’t know where Taker is. He’s RIPPED here if you can believe that.

We recap D’lo Brown vs. Mark Henry. This was an interesting angle as Henry was diagnosed with WAY high blood pressure and Brown was trying to get him healthy which ticked him off. Henry helped Jeff Jarrett win the Intercontinental/European Titles so he gave the European title to Henry. This is your rematch.

Henry hits on a VERY young Lillian Garcia. Sweet goodness she got hotter as she got older and she’s gorgeous here.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

WOW they’ve picked two bad matches to start us off here. He’s Sexual Chocolate here. Tom Pritchard is the referee. Henry says there can’t be a match because Garcia slapping him hurt him. Brown actually got one heck of a push around this time if you can believe that. Brown could go in the ring if nothing else. Yes I liked him. Pritchard is wearing blue pants and it looks ridiculous. The crowd is somewhat alive here but not much.

They talk about Rebellion which is in 6 days. Yep, that’s coming too. Brown hits a Taker Dive over the ropes which looked great. This has been all Brown so far so expect that to change in a few seconds. Yep there it is. Good night Henry is limited in the ring. How has he not leaned anything new in like 15 years?

This is still just so boring. Brown is getting some pops if nothing else. Henry does the ten punch in the corner but gets powerbombed out of it and the Lo Down ends it. Nice ending to a terrible match.

Rating: D. Somewhat better but that’s not saying much. It was just ok and that’s mainly because I liked D’Lo. If nothing else they made it believable which is really all you can ask for here. Not bad. Ok yeah it was but it could have been worse.

The Acolytes say they’ll destroy the Dudleys. Bradshaw says they already destroyed one ECW team. That might have been the Public Enemy but I’m not sure. Chaz, the epitome of a failed gimmick, runs in and gets thrown out.

Debra and Miss Kitty say Jeff will lose. He was a total chauvinist at this point so Chyna beat him up and put on his tights. It was dumber than it sounds.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chyna

This was one heck of a feud back in the day so this should get them awake for once. Miss Kitty looks insanely good here. Chyna was OVER back in the day. If she hadn’t been so self-obsessed she could have been something very special. Granted she was already but even bigger. This is the battle of the sexes so every woman in the world wants Chyna to take care of him. Harvey Whippleman is referee here.

I’d rather just look at Miss Kitty but whatever. Jarrett has issues punching Chyna which is understandable. Crowd POPS for Chyna doing anything and is dead otherwise. The show has been bad but not THIS bad. It’s interesting seeing someone use all kinds of offense other than just punches. It’s a nice change to see. Moolah and Mae are here. Chyna is in a sleeper and the crowd is breathing!!! Wow Chyna can’t do much in the ring. She would get a lot better.

She needs to hook the leg more too as it just looks sloppy when she doesn’t. That’s something Angle was always good at. He would almost always hook the leg and it makes him look much better. Figure four doesn’t work. There’s a chair shot for Jarrett and there’s no DQ for it so there we are.

The slowest Pedigree in the world doesn’t work and then Harvey stands there for like an hour so that a slingshot crushes him. Moolah and Mae come in and beat up Jarrett. Good night how did he get the WCW Title within a year? Ah good he hit them. And here’s Debra to further overbook things.

She knocks the heck out of Jarrett and Chyna gets the pin and the title to an ERUPTION. And here’s Tom Pritchard, the head scab referee, to point out what happened and reverse the decision. It’s Carolina so Dusty Finishes are required. I hate nonsense like this. You have a GREAT moment and now we have to mess it up. Pritchard gets beaten up anyway.

Rating: D+. Best match so far and still crap. Losses a lot of points because of the ending which was beyond idiotic. Not a bad match but just made my head hurt which is never good. Chyna would win it for good in an infamous match where Jarrett more or less legally held a gun to Vince’s head.

Rock says he’ll win.

Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes

The Dudleys are BRAND NEW here and are the hottest team in the world at the moment. The referee is Jimmy Korderas who wasn’t striking. Bubba has a stutter here. They were just so far ahead of every other team in the world at this time and it’s insane to see what they are today. What are you expecting here really? Bubba telegraphs a splash worse than anything I have ever seen as he jumps at Farrooq’s knees. That was horrible looking.

The Dudleys are in tie-dye here and it looks great. Lawler keeps making fun of Moolah and Mae Young which is very amusing yet totally evil and wrong. Again I have to ask, what does it mean to do something with authority? That makes no sense at all. This is your standard big old brawl and that’s all you could really ask for it to be.

Bradshaw gets an ok belly to back suplex off the top for two. And here’s Stevie Richards dressed like an Acolyte. He kicks D-Von and Bradshaw pins him. Ok then. To say a lot, Bradshaw is the only non ECW guy in there. Yeah it meant a lot.

Rating: D. Way too quick of a brawl here and it meant nothing. This show has been horrible and we’re just an hour into it so far. I was bored out of my mind here and I liked the Dudleys a lot back then. The ending was beyond stupid and it did the match no favors at all. Let’s just get this over with.

Ivory beats up Luna in the back and we’re having a hardcore Women’s Title match.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Luna Vachon

Ok then. They’re in an office and fighting with a copier and phone. Ivory is champion here in case you were wondering. It’s your standard match in this genre and is just various weapons shots and throwing people into things. Odd to see women doing it though. A splash onto some cardboard boxes as Luna channels her inner Foley. This is about as pointless as you could ask for. And here’s Tori to save Luna for no apparent reason. Ivory hits Luna with a wooden pole for the pin. That was as pointless as I could have imagined.

Rating: N/A. Way too short here. This was like 3 minutes long and very random. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Lillian is with Mae and Moolah and has the worst delivered line ever as she says What A Fight. It was Troll 2 levels of awful. Mae and Moolah beat up Ivory. Why did they get two segments again?

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. New Age Outlaws

Edge and Christian are young faces here and asked for a title match on Heat. How weird is it that Edge and Christian would be light years ahead of the Outlaws at the end of the day? The Outlaws are freshly reunited here and the pop is noticeably quieter. And I’m wrong as they’re WAY into the Road Dogg entrance stuff. Edge and Gunn start us off. Korderas is refereeing again which is good as there shouldn’t be any drama here.

This was when Gunn was still bearable in the ring so this is decent to start off with. Edge and Christian were young and awesome at this time so this is a fun match on paper. More or less no way they were going to win though as the Outlaws had just won the belts recently. Lawler asks Ross if he likes it doggy style. That’s just wrong. The Outlaws are showing off here which you NEVER see. It’s not bad actually. Edge is WAY into steroids here as he’s ripped to shreds here.

I don’t know if I believe this but I think the Outlaws are having a good standard tag match here. What in the heck am I watching? You could tell that the challengers were going to be awesome at some point in the future. What would be called Poetry in Motion when the Hardys used it misses.

Gunn gets the hot tag and he just starts cleaning house with a  NICE powerslam. This is a solid match actually. And here are the Hardys and Gangrel. They beat up Edge and Christian so the Fameasser ends it. Screw this good match thing! We want RUN INS! Russo was gone but still being felt at this time I guess.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as they went back and forth with the Outlaws showing that they could go when they wanted to. This of course makes me want to know: why didn’t they do it more often? It’s a shame they didn’t as this was awesome. Of course Edge and Christian would have their time.

We recap Smackdown where Bulldog beat up Rock for a reason that was never explained but whatever. Bulldog says he’s not with HHH.

Boss Man says he isn’t afraid of the match.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

This is the infamous Kennel From Hell match where there were rottweilers between a Hell in a Cell cage and a regular cage. The idea here is that Snow had a dog named Pepper and cooked him to get a title shot. It’s dumber than it sounds. This was on a DVD somewhere with Foley and Kevin Kelly on commentary making it sound like a classic match. The idea was that the dogs were there to make the match more dangerous but they wound up screwing each other. Yep that sums up the match pretty well.

The commentary here is hilarious as they try to make this sound epic and it’s just failure all around. And there’s the bell but we have no dogs. Ok then. If nothing else we get the big blue cage. That never gets old. Ah there they are. Something tells me this is going to suck. Snow, you’re better than this. You really are. Boss Man is on the cage and Snow is in the ring in case you’re wondering for some odd reason. We get a bowling shoe line.

You know this would be a lot more intimidating if the dogs weren’t on leashes. The fans are shall we say not incredibly interested in this match. All they’re doing is just barking at each other for now. This is beyond idiotic. I mean what in the heck were they thinking when they came up with this?

If you want to have a cage match then have a freaking cage match, but don’t do this. They’re doing nothing of note here as it’s more or less all jobber level offense since there’s nothing else to do. Snow’s weapons are helping about as much as the dogs are here.

Seriously the fans do not care here at all. Boss Man is bleeding. Boss Man ripped open part of the top of the Cell in case I forgot to mention that which I think I did. For some reason Lawler is imitating an Australian accent. Ok then. It’s more interesting if nothing else.

In a sick shot, Snow is face down on the mat and Boss Man blasts him in the back of the head with a shovel. And Snow is handcuffed to the ring or the cage or something. And now he broke the cuffs. Is there a point to any of this? No? Ok just checking. Head makes his return and knocks Boss Man out so Snow can leave. What a joke.

Rating: Y. As in why did someone think this was a good idea? This wasn’t a match and it became apparent that this was going to suck very quickly. Not so much terrible as it was a disaster with no drama and no one cared so they had to kind of abort it, which was best for all of us. Just stupid but you can’t blame that on the wrestlers really.

Mankind imitates Rock which is always funny.

Chris Jericho vs. X-Pac

This was also added from Heat. Jericho has Mr. Hughes with him of all people. He’s been here less than two months here so there you are. Shamrock dropped out and left the company so we have X-Pac filling in. It’s weird seeing one cage wall up. Hughes out of his suit is just weird looking beyond belief. Tom Pritchard is referee again with the blue pants of doom. Jericho is already over but nowhere near the level he would hit.

Jericho says he’s here to save the PPV. Well someone has to. Pac surprisingly gets a pop. There you are X. This should be good since Waltman is always better against small guys which Jericho certainly is. This should be better than Jericho vs. Shamrock if nothing else. They start off very fast paced with a nice technical sequence ending with both guys nipping up. Have I mentioned how much I freaking hate the Bronco Buster? X Factor is countered into the Walls which don’t connect either.

Waltman hits a nice dive over the ropes. Hughes just needs to go far away. To be fair though he’s FAR skinnier here than he usually is. Pritchard needs to do the same as Hughes. He’s annoying too. I love that missile dropkick Jericho does. It’s so freaking crisp. Both guys are getting booed pretty solidly here which is rather weird to say the least. Jericho is the clear heel here in case you were wondering.

We hit the chinlock which is ok once you’ve been going at it for 7 minutes or so. Good bit different than when you hit it after like 2 minutes. And now they’re kind of chanting for X-Pac. Weird crowd but it could be due to them being bored to death earlier. Hughes interferes like the annoying twat waffle that he is. Jericho from this era is just so awesome it’s hard to describe. He’s a totally different worker now and it’s saying a lot that he can change so easily.

Pac hits a nice springboard clothesline. This is working as it’s not just basic moves and standard stuff. They’re opening up the playbooks a bit here and it’s working rather well. Still no Bronco Buster so my life still rocks. If this was how Pac worked all the time, I’d be perfectly fine with him. This has been entertaining.

Lawler finally makes a joke about Pritchard’s pants as we hit Jericho’s double powerbomb which is a sweet move. And now he’s in the Tree of Woe and we get an upside down Bronco Buster. Hughes runs in and beats up the referee and Pac for the CHEAP DQ. Road Dogg makes the save.

Rating: B. Fun match all around here. Like I’ve said many times, when Pac is out there with a guy close to his size, he’s FAR more entertaining to say the least. Against giants he’s just flat out boring as the realistic part goes out the window. Here his offense is believable and he’s on a level playing field. This was a fun match and I enjoyed it. Get rid of the AWFUL ending and a real referee and this is likely an A.

We recap the main event which is mainly about HHH. HHH had more or less been robbed at Summerslam before winning the title the next night which was a true shocker. He injured Austin after the match. Oh and HHH broke Ross’ arm. He held the title three weeks or so as Vince beat him at Smackdown which was very odd. Austin came back and beat the heck out of HHH as you would expect.

We get highlights, if you can call them that, of Vince winning the title. For no apparent reason this is all told via text cards as there is no commentary over the music. Austin is made referee due to the strike. On Smackdown 3 days prior to this HHH had had five matches in one night: all gimmick matches.

He had a Chokeslam Challenge with Big Show, an Inferno Match with Kane, a Boiler Room Brawl with Mankind, a Casket Match with Mideon and Viscera who subbed for Taker and a Brahma Bullrope Match with Rock. He won 3 of 5 to stay in the match here tonight. I distinctly remember that night for some reason. Anyway let’s get to the main event.

WWF Title: HHH vs. British Bulldog vs. Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mankind vs. Kane

Remember this is two in the ring and tagging in and out with Austin as guest referee. Oh ok Austin is enforcer and Korderas is the regular referee. That helps a bit. Entrances of course take a LONG time as you would expect them to here. Kane is rocking the mainly black outfit with red mixed in. Always loved that. So Chyna is a face on her own and a heel here. Ok then. She turned more than Team 3D does now if that tells you anything.

Rock gets a nice pop but not epic like he would get after Austin left. He’s walking a lot slower than he usually does too. That’s just odd. THERE’S your big pop for Austin. That’s more like it. The crowd is alive at least. Ross gets a solid shot at WCW by saying he’s never heard an ovation like this in Charlotte for any athlete. Austin does commentary. Rock and Bulldog start us off. Thankfully Smith is wearing long tights here.

It’s weird hearing Austin cursing every other word in today’s wrestling environment. It’s Kane and HHH here as I’m not going to try to keep up with all the tags here. I like the tagging ideas here as we don’t have to deal with the massive chaos. That’s just annoying otherwise. Austin wants to finish his six pack before the Six Pack match ends. They’re starting slow here which is fine as they have a good deal of time, over twenty minutes, to work with.

Austin is so freaking entertaining it’s scary. He wants to know where you mail the paychecks to a guy in Parts Unknown. That’s a very good question. How do you get a flight there? We get Kane vs. Big Show which is an epic rivalry. I mean think of how long those two have feuded for.

And we’re back to the beginning pairing as we have Bulldog vs. Rock. Solid stuff so far and having Austin on commentary is helping. He would be leaving in a few months to have neck surgery so I’m guessing he’s on commentary to give him time off. Smart if nothing else.

How weird is it to think that Austin wouldn’t have the world title for over a year and a half from this point? As great as he was, he didn’t hold the title for like 20 months in the Attitude Era. That’s often forgotten. Foley and HHH are in the aisle and there goes Rock with them. Ross calls a low blow on HHH a unique form of birth control. Considering Stephanie was just announced as pregnant again, that’s rather funny.

Naturally they’re all on the floor now. SICK Texas Piledriver on the stairs to HHH from Mankind. That sounded AWFUL. This has been really good so far in case you were wondering. Foley tags Rock in so he can have a chance to win the title. Foley’s character was so far ahead of everyone else’s no one could see him. And the referees cross their picket lines to complain about Korderas crossing the picket lines. This is freaking stupid. Rock beats up Big Show as some things never change.

Rock steals Austin’s beer to a BIG pop. Odd. Foley is up from a Kane tombstone in like 8 seconds. Not good Mick. It’s finishers a go-go here as it’s a mess that you knew it would come down to. Mandible Claw to Rock which gets Austin fired up. Show goes off and just beats the tar out of everyone. He chokeslams Foley and the other referees pull out Korderas. Dang it how stupid can you freaking get??? Austin takes over as referee.

Thankfully he beats up the referees as he should since they’re freaking morons. It’s Rock and HHH in the ring and Rock goes for the People’s Elbow which gets two as Show pulls Austin out and Rock takes a chair shot. HHH gets a Pedigree on Rock 10 seconds after the Rock Bottom and Elbow for the title. Ok then. At least Foley isn’t the only one not selling today. Austin beats him up and beers all around ends it.

Rating: B+. Solid stuff here. I really liked it as they gave them time and it never felt like it was out of control or anything like that which is a very nice touch. Other than Taker or Austin you couldn’t ask for a bigger lineup either. This was a solid and very entertaining match that didn’t feel anywhere near like the twenty minutes it got which is a very good sign. Very fun and solid match which works very well to close the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Well there are three good matches and the rest is awful. However, those three get the most time and two are the final matches on the show so I can’t complain. They got it right as they focused on the good stuff and gave the bad stuff limited time. It’s hard to complain about the Kennel match as some stuff in it was beyond their control.

They threw something out there and it hasn’t been referenced since so that’s a good sign. Anyway, this isn’t worth seeing as a whole but the last hour or so is plus the tag title match. Watch those three as they’re solid but don’t bother at all with the rest. I’d say go to Youtube for this.

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