Destination X 2006: Kurt Can’t Get Here Fast Enough

There are only two of these shows left that I haven’t done so I’ll be doing this and the 2007 show back to back as I try to get closer to finishing off TNA PPVs. This is from WAY back in TNA’s history as we have a double main event. The new NWA World Champion Christian is defending tonight against Monty Brown and we also have Joe vs. AJ vs. Daniels in an Ultimate X match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is….weird. The idea is something like a silent movie or an opera with a guy supposed to be Sting watching a video about Destination X. This is in black and white and is rather odd indeed. Sting is returning again tonight apparently. Oh wait it’s Steve Borden, not Sting. Like I said, Sting is back tonight.

Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal

Shelley is doing this weird Paparazzi thing where they film everything so he sets up a camera in front of the ring. It was one of those concept gimmicks that TNA had that never really made a lot of sense but it happened anyway. Jay Lethal is just Jay Lethal and is only twenty years old here. We hear about the World X Cup which was a pretty cool concept actually. Shelley is only 22 here so he’s barely a veteran. He and his partner Abyss had just broken up. Now there’s a tag team for you.

Technical stuff to start us off as we hit the mat. Konnan is doing Spanish commentary. Lethal works on the legs with their legs interlocked. Shelley rolls around and they’re standing on their heads with their legs interlocked and slapping each other. Cool looking spot but I’m not sure what it gets up. More striking leads to a standoff. Shelley looks SO young here that it’s insane.

Cross body and rana send Shelley to the floor and a suicide dive takes Shelley down. Lethal takes over with a dropkick to the back for two. Two boots to the face by Shelley draw a Shelley Sucks chant which is so weird to hear in modern wrestling. Modified Kofi Klutch by Shelley doesn’t last long. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before a clothesline gets two for Shelley.

The move we would call Wasteland sets up a missed Lionsault and both guys are down. Lethal gets a neckbreaker and a single arm suplex for two. The fans chant Lethal Weapon (How was that never a move name for him???) as Shelley takes him down again. German gets two for Lethal. Diving headbutt gets two also. Lethal wrestles a lot like Benoit from the early to mid 90s. Not that it matters as Shelley grabs Sliced Bread #2 to end it.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but far more of a collection of moves than a good match. Shelley wasn’t much at this point and Lethal was just a kid here also so there wasn’t much as far as a ring general out there. Lethal not having a finisher didn’t help either, making this a fairly boring match overall. Certainly not a bad match, but really not that interesting at all.

Time to run down the card.

Team Canada talks about their matches tonight, making fun of the Naturals. This was back in the day when Impact was on Saturdays so they keep referencing last night. Coach D’Amore brags about Canada a bit. Shelley shows up to steal Young to film more stuff. Young says his Canadian Danger Sense is going off like never before. A-1 is apparently replacing him in the tag match later.

Matt Bentley vs. Lance Hoyt

Bentley has Traci with him and has one major thing going for him: his cousin is Shawn Michaels. These two were partners and broke up over Traci I believe. Standard stuff but nothing wrong with it. Speed vs. power here and power takes over to start. There are some St. Louis Cardinals here. Bentley tries to leave so Traci uses her overly large chest to distract Lance.

This fails completely so Hoyt tries a big boot and chokeslam. Matt goes after the knees but walks into a powerslam for two. BIG side slam for two. Maverick Matt (he’s fighting the Ticked Off Texan here. See what I’m up against?) gets a neckbreaker for two. Front facelock goes on as does my alarm to wake me up when this is over.

They slug it out, won by Hoyt. Pumphandle slam gets two so the future Vance Archer goes up for a missed moonsault, Apparently the entire company is bored by this match as we pan up to Young, Shelley and Borash in the rafters where they’re looking for Sting. Young drops some fliers out to the fans as we’re ignoring the match entirely. Traci shows it to Bentley, breaking up the superkick finisher. It says “Have you seen this man?” with a picture of Sting, saying contact Jeff Jarrett immediately. Hoyt gets a big boot to end this. What a mess.

Rating: F. Even the company decided to have something else going on during this match. When a match reaches that level of bad, you know you’ve got something bad on your hands here. Neither of these guys ever did anything and would have TV matches on PPV like this for a good while to come.

Rhyno, Team 3D and Ron Killings say they’re going to take down Planet Jarrett. It’s an 8 man tag tonight. Oh wait an 8 man war. Got it.

Team Canada vs. The Naturals

Bobby (Robert) Roode and Eric Young here. The Naturals are Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas. Roode vs. I think that’s Stevens to start us off. The announcers are talking about buffets or something so I’m not sure. Stevens (I was right) takes over and the Naturals double team a bit. Douglas takes over on Young but Roode hooks the leg to take over. Let’s talk about Sting some more as Young’s nickname being SHOWTIME started the Sting return stuff. It’s going to be one of those nights.

Stevens comes back in again and no one cares. I don’t even think Stevens does. He puts Young on the rope and kicks him onto the ropes crotch first. Interference takes over allowing Roode to hammer on Stevens (does it matter?) including a knee drop off the middle rope. Off to Young again as we’re firmly into the boring stages of this match again.

The fans chant USA as I could go for a history lecture at this point. Young gets flipped upside down in the corner but Douglas won’t let him walk along the apron. Stevens gets an enziguri to send Young outside. A-1 helps him back in and puts him in the corner right next to Roode. Well Canadians always have had better wrestlers than we have. Ice cold tag brings in Douglas who gets a tornado DDT on Roode for two.

The Naturals totally botch something and down goes Eric. Full Nelson Slam by Roode to Stevens gets two. Piledriver is broken up and it’s a Tower of Doom spot which you never see in modern TNA for some reason. That only gets two on Roode and their finisher doesn’t work. Instead a hockey stick to the head of Douglas ends this. Thank goodness it’s over.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches where the wrestling is fine but at the same time there was NOTHING of interest in the entire match. No point here to this being on PPV as the whole thing went too long and nothing at all was interesting nor did there seem to be a point to this match at all. Granted that could be said about almost every match on this show so far.

Monty Brown says he’s awesome and he’s going to win the title. Larry Zbyszko comes up looking like a stupid tourist and says it’ll be a level playing field. And that’s about it.

We recap the James Gang vs. LAX. No point to the match here but apparently it’s a long feud and the James Gang (Outlaws) bring in…..Road Dogg’s father Bob Armstrong to make this a six man tag.

LAX vs. James Gang/Bob Armstrong

LAX is Konnan, Homicide and Machete who would be a bigger deal in Puerto Rico and this would be his last major appearance in TNA. And Armstrong is in tights of course. This is the same one that was put into the WWE HOF this year. He’s 66 years old here and is considered the savior in a feud. This wouldn’t be the last time either which says a lot about TNA. Road Dogg (BG James) says this isn’t about catchphrases and something about ticking off a tribal elder or something.

This is about Konnan vs. BG apparently. Tenay brags about Armstrong wearing 30 year old boots and having broken into wrestling 40 years ago. Machete vs. BG to start us off. Apparently LAX hurt papa awhile ago. BG gets triple teamed which doesn’t last long. LAX cheats a lot and I can’t believe we’re only 1/3 done with this show. Homicide in now with a reverse neckbreaker for two. What’s a regular neckbreaker if that’s the reverse?

Both guys try flying forearms but crash into each other. Kip (Billy Gunn) and Machete in. If BG and Kip’s last name is James, why is BG’s dad’s last name Armstrong? Everyone hits the floor and it’s Konnan vs. Bob in the ring. He left Mexico for this people! Armstrong fires away and for some reason Konnan has to sell for him. Machete tries a chair shot which is broken up by the Bullet. Machete is surrounded by all three and a One and Only (Cobra Clutch Slam) ends him quickly. Totally pointless.

Rating: D. Well Konnan is now worthless. TNA and so many other wrestling companies can never get the concept that NO ONE KNOWS WHO BOB ARMSTRONG IS! He was a regional guy back in the 70s and early 80s. Why in the world would I want to watch a no name in his sixties on PPV? With Flair it’s a bit different but still dude, let it go. Match was dull too because everyone knew LAX would lose.

Time for Sting related segment #4 in the first hour. Young and Shelley are looking for him and Young rolls across the floor like a ninja. Is he going to kidnap a Samoan? They go into a bathroom and AJ is there. There’s a coat on the floor and gay jokes are made. Idiotic.

Petey Williams vs. Puma vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Chris Sabin

International match here. Puma is somewhat more famous as TJ Perkins in ROH. This was part of the buildup for the American X Cup which was something like an Olympics for X guys. This is during Hail Sabin which is rather cool. One fall to a finish here but they have to tag. Puma vs. Dutt to start us off. Puma manages to counter an armdrag into a rollup somehow as they’re flying around here.

Off to Petey and Sabin very quickly and it’s gymnastics time again. Springboard cross body misses for Petey but Sabin gets a springboard missile dropkick for two. Thumb to the eye of Sabin and he can’t see. Everyone is in the ring quickly and we wind up with Puma vs. Sabin. The masked dude (Puma) throws on a double underhook hold for a bit and it’s off to Petey again.

This is going WAY too fast to keep up with everything that happens. Dutt comes in and hits a Lionsault to Puma for two. Off to Williams vs. Dutt now as Petey puts him in the Tree of Woe. Blind tag by Sabin which lets him get a hesitation dropkick to Sonjay. Surfboard goes on as we slow things way down again.

And now we get a fine example of why wrestling looks stupid. With the same hold on, Dutt rotates his arms to escape and get behind Sabin into the same hold. Dutt however doesn’t have a hold of Sabin. Sabin is in the hold BECAUSE HE IS HOLDING ONTO SONJAY’S WRISTS. Dutt takes over and chops away because Sabin is really, really stupid. Off to Puma now which makes me wonder why you would ever tag out in a match like this.

Dropkick gets two for Puma. Williams comes in and stomps away on Sabin some more, including singing O Canada while standing on Sabin’s Motor City Machine Gun. Chinlock goes on and they slug it out. Sabin goes to the floor so Petey hits a slingshot rana to the floor and it’s time for the dives. Dutt sets for his but Puma drills him with a clothesline for two.

Everyone teases dives and blocks various other people’s stuff until Dutt takes everyone out with a big moonsault off the top. I’m glad the tagging got thrown out the window about 5 minutes in. Everyone is down again in the ring after more fast paced stuff. All four people snap off all kinds of stuff and Petey tries a Sharpshooter for a big pop. Tornado DDT takes Puma down again and it’s Canadian Destroyer time. That gets reversed by Dutt into a Fade To Black (Kaz’s move).

Sabin and Dutt chop it out with Sabin grabbing a powerbomb and into a helicopter bomb for two. Puma breaks it up and gets a double underhook delayed suplex for two on Sabin. Puma gets sent to the floor and Williams hits the Destroyer on Dutt and Puma pops up again to take out Williams. His save costs him though as he turns around into the Cradle Shock to end Puma and give Sabin the win.

Rating: B+. Very fast paced and fun match here that did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd going after the AWFUL first hour. The X Cup was always cool and gave us some incredibly fun and exciting matches such as this one. Very fun stuff here as the international flare was a nice touch to it. No story or selling to it but there wasn’t supposed to be.

And now off to Jarrett as we stay on Sabin for a total of 5 seconds before we MUST see the draw here. And no, I’m not saying that those four or that style could carry the company because it couldn’t. Jarrett, Abyss and AMW say that they’ll win the war. Mitchell says Jarrett’s Army is awesome. Jarrett talks about Sting because he has to. Young and Shelly come in AGAIN, literally making their fifth appearance each tonight. Jarrett calls off the hunt for Sting (thank goodness) and that he’ll be in the ring if Sting wants to come find him.

We recap the 8 man war. Basically the faces are opposing Planet Jarrett/Jeff Jarrett’s Army or whatever they’re calling it this week. This is one of those feuds where it’s three feuds in one.

Jeff Jarrett’s Army vs. Team 3D/Ron Killings/Rhyno

The Army is Jarrett, AMW and Abyss. Jackie Gayda is being held against her will due to something about a video tape. At least Gail Kim looks hot here. So in other words, Jeff has had Debra, Gail and Karen. Not bad at all. It’s so weird to hear What’s Up on a TNA show. This is just a big street fight. The non Army (Navy?) hits the ring and we’re out of the ring almost immediately.

Truth would be the captain of the team for lack of anyone better. They’re in the aisle, the stands and the stage all at once. Rhyno tries to Gore Abyss off the stands but Abyss gets a boot up. Bubba ACTUALLY HITS THE BACK SPLASH (minus the rope) on Storm I think. Jarrett and Truth go to the Spanish table. D-Von and Harris are finally found in the stands. Rhyno pops Abyss with a chair. If this sounds all over the place, there’s a reason for that.

Jarrett gets some chair shots into Truth and since they’re the only ones you can see clearly we stay on them for a bit. We finally can see everyone and it’s Storm vs. Rhyno in the ring at the moment. Rhyno actually tags in D-Von and even the announcers make fun of it. The Dudleys try a Doomsday Device but Harris saves, allowing Abyss to chokeslam Ray.

Off to Jarrett vs. D-Von now with Jarrett in total control. And scratch that as Storm comes in and down he goes. The future Bully comes in and cleans house. Rhyno adds a spinebuster for two. Abyss hammers on Rhyno a bit now and the slug out goes to Abyss. Jarrett gets a dropkick and it’s off to Storm. Uh make that Harris. We have a chinlock in a WAR. I give up.

Yep it’s a boring match now. They managed to take a huge brawl that was pretty cool to start off and turned it into another boring tag match. Rhyno vs. Jarrett now and both guys go down. Harris comes in to make sure nothing exciting happens here. Perish the thought. Killings FINALLY comes in to clean house. He avoids a splash from Abyss in the corner and gets that suplex into a Stunner to Storm for two.

The Dudleys come in and it turns into a big brawl again. Guitar comes in and Jarrett has to hide it from the referee because this is a stupid match. Gore takes Jarrett down but a Black Hole Slam does the same to Rhyno. Gail breaks up What’s Up so Jackie comes in and it’s a double What’s Up to Gail and Jeff. D-Von goes to do the chest slap to Jackie and pauses in a funny spot.

3D takes out Abyss but AMW takes out Team 3D. Death Sentence to D-Von and Killings gets taken down by a double team as well. I hear handcuffs but Truth apparently has experience with them as Harris winds up cuffed to the ring. Axe kick gets two as Jarrett pulls the referee out. Jarrett and Truth slug it out a bit and the Stroke ends this rather quickly.

Rating: C. Leave it to TNA to take their WAR and make it boring for a large part of it. They started in an actual war then went to a regular match and then to a big decent fight. Of course TNA managed to take what could have been a good match and get the whole order of it screwed up. Match was just ok and the feud would continue for the most part next month at Lockdown.

Jarrett complains about Sting a bit and says he’s a coward. He gets in the ring and gives Sting a ten count which Sting doesn’t answer.

We recap Ultimate X with the idea being that no one can beat Joe so the two X Division guys are going to put him in their match. Joe was AWESOME at this point as was this three way feud.

Joe says he’s going to win and keep the title, which he misses. Goldberg comparisons are made. Don’t make me laugh.

X-Division Title: AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels

They make it clear that the undefeated streak isn’t on the line here. AJ and Daniels go for corners immediately but Joe is like “dudes we’re on PPV you know it’s not ending that fast.” Joe beats up AJ a bit so Daniels takes a chance at the belt. The challengers go high/low on Joe and go at it themselves. AJ sets for a dropkick but Daniels grabs the rope. AJ is like screw it and just does a standing backflip and then hits the dropkick. AWESOME.

AJ and Daniels go up but of course crash down after kicking each other a bit. Daniels goes to the floor so AJ pops Joe with some forearms including the springboard one, bringing a smile to my face. AJ gets sent to the floor and Joe wants to get a highlight reel moment, busting out a corkscrew plancha over the top to the floor to CRUSH both guys. Joe tries to go across but slips off with a little help from Daniels.

Back in the ring now with Daniels in control. Enziguri and a running knee take Joe to the floor so it’s down to the non-Samoans. AJ climbs with Daniels following so AJ gets a twisting sunset sitout powerbomb to take Daniels down. Joe goes off on both guys, possibly having been offered a box of doughnuts. Out to the floor and Joe puts Daniels in a chair to set up the Ole Kick but AJ dives in for the save instead of going for the belt.

We start the Joe’s Gonna Kill You (I prefer IDR) chants as he sets up the Musclebuster. Daniels and Joe slug it out in the middle with Tenay saying Joe is feeding off of this. Joe feeding on something. Film at eleven! Clutch in the corner doesn’t work for Joe as both guys combine to hit a double Musclebuster on Joe in a cool spot. Pele takes down Daniels which is a move I appreciate more every time I see it. The timing and placement on that has to be perfect.

AJ goes up as the fans are chanting for everyone not named Joe. Styles gets to the belt but Joe pops him in the back with a chair to save the title. In a pretty weak ending, Daniels hits Joe with the chair and casually climbs up to get the belt and end it. Just like that. No big drama spot or anything as Daniels just grabs the belt. He would lose the title in about a month back to Joe on Impact, making this virtually pointless. Joe freaks out as Daniels and AJ shake hands.

Rating: B. Good but certainly not great here. Watching these three together is never a bad thing though as they have incredible chemistry and it’s nice to see Daniels actually win something in this feud rather than having Joe and AJ dominate 100% of the time. The problem is that this was compared to the Unbreakable match which isn’t going to work ever, so take it for what it’s worth.

Christian talks about being tough but being the underdog no matter what he does. The fans chant his name and he talks about how Brown may have been a star football player but this isn’t the Serengeti but rather the Peep Zone. Christian says he’ll keep the title because that’s how he rolls.

We recap the feud which basically said that Jarrett guaranteed Brown the next title shot when Brown helped Jarrett beat Cage. The problem is Christian won but Brown got the title shot promised to him instead of Jarrett getting his rematch. It resulted in a monster vs. an average sized guy in Christian. In a bit that is rather stupid yet funny at the same time, Christian asked him what the capital of Thailand is. “Bangkok.” Say it with me: a low blow followed.

NWA World Title: Christian Cage vs. Monty Brown

Yeah still the NWA Title here which would last about another 14 months when Christian would be stripped of the title. Brown is a big old strong guy that uses a half spear/half shoulder block as a finisher. He’s a bit more known in WWE as Marcus Cor Von. Christian was certainly over in Orlando. Christian is the hometown boy so he’s by far and away the favorite. That and he’s a face.

Dueling chants begin and here we go. Christian has bad ribs because it’s illegal to be fully healthy against a monster challenger I guess. Christian grabs a headlock but Brown gets a shot to the ribs to break it up. They trade chops and Christian gets tossed to the floor. They brawl into the crowd where the people seem, shall we say, not very interested. Back to the ring and more slugging occurs.

And never mind as we’re right back to the floor. Christian tries to come back in off the top but gets caught by a punch to the ribs. This time they slug it out on the apron for a little variety before they go to the floor again. Into the ring again for more punching to the ribs of the champion. To say this is repetitive is like saying Austin likes to drink. Brown drapes him over the ropes and sends him into the post/buckle for two.

We hit the abdominal stretch which is a perfectly logical move. We’re over ten minutes into this match and I don’t think Christian has used anything other than punches or chops. Tornado DDT is reversed for two. Cage fires off some forearms before Brown hits him in the ribs to remind us that he knows how to do that. Down goes Monty but the frog splash misses for Christian and we hit another rib hold, this one on the mat.

To the corner now with Brown hammering on the ribs again. Christian knocks him off the top and drops a backsplash for two. Unprettier is blocked into an Alpha Bomb for two (big powerbomb). Unprettier is blocked into an F5 for two. Another Alpha Bomb is blocked into the Unprettier to end this. At least it’s over.

Rating: D+. Really dull match here as Brown was trying but Christian’s offense was so one dimensional for the first 12-14 minutes that it was putting me to sleep. Brown isn’t a guy capable of going 17 minutes without boring people to tears and that’s exactly what the case was here. Bad main event that needed to be about 5 minutes shorter to make it work in any fashion.

Christian starts to celebrate and cue Jarrett. We get an Edge reference and Jarrett wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Christian mentions something about Jarrett retiring and flubs his lines. They talk over each other and Christian says he’ll beat him up but can’t give him a title shot. Brown pops up and it’s 2-1. Christian fights back with a double clothesline but Abyss comes out to make it 3-1.

Rhyno makes it 3-2 as you can see Lockdown being made right here. Team Canada and AMW with Shelley are here as Jarrett’s Army has about 8 people in it or so. The fans chant for Sting as Christian is cuffed and whipped with a belt. Sting (Steve Borden. Whatever) comes out of the crowd and beats up all eight or nine guys on his own. He literally only has to scream at Young to get rid of him.

Apparently this is over Jarrett stalking Sting’s (the announcers keep changing names too) family. Sting whips him with the belt and goes for the Scorpion, because when you think psychotic revenge, you think leg lock. Jarrett taps but Scott Steiner debuts to join Planet Jarrett and beat up Sting as the rest of Jarrett’s Army recovers at the exact same time of course. Everyone beats Sting up as Tenay overreacts beyond belief. The idiot fans chant for Goldberg. That’s hilarious. Steiner Recliner to Sting (for the love of tar PULL THE ARMS BACK YOU LAZY MICHIGAN STEROID FREAK!) and a guitar shot ends this.

Overall Rating: D. TNA in 2006 was a very mixed bag. What I mean by that is you had Team Jarrett that dominated the main event and a group of various faces fighting against him. It was ok but Jarrett wound up winning four world titles in like a year and a half out of it while everyone was bored out of his mind with him. Angle showed up in the fall but it’s not like it meant much. Anyway, weak PPV, WAY too much Jarrett/Sting stuff and nothing that hasn’t been done better elsewhere.

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