Wrestler of the Day – June 23: Doink the Clown

Doink the Clown vs. Bob East

Doink takes East down very quickly and nails an enziguri. We hit an armbar on East followed by a nice dropkick. Doink puts on the Stump Puller (East is sitting down and Doink sits on his neck before pulling up on his leg) and drops back into a cradle for the pin.

Doink’s first major feud was with Crush, who he fought at Wrestlemania IX.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

This is during Crush-A-Mania when he was on the verge of getting the mega push to the stars which would never happen. Crush chases him around the ring to start and slams Doink on the floor before pounding Doink in the face a bit. Doink tries to punch back but Crush no sells everything. Back inside and Crush hits a neckbreaker for no cover. A neck snap over the top keeps Doink down as does a backbreaker. We’re three minutes in and it’s all Crush so far.

As Crush is hitting some Sheamus forearms on the apron, Doink hits a kind of Stunner on the top rope to take over. A few top rope forearms to the back of Crush’s head keeps us in clown control and a lame piledriver gets no cover. Doink actually slams him but goes up top and jumps into a boot to the jaw. A cross body attempt by the Clown doesn’t work as Crush hits a powerslam before clotheslining Doink to the floor.

Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was basically a squash until Doink got in some not terrible offense. Again though, this was when Crush was about to get pushed to the moon, so he loses to Doink? The Clown character had a ton of potential, but instead of going with something interesting like the Joker, we got FUN Doink soon after this, because that’s interesting stuff right?

Doink would then be brought in as part of the Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler feud, with Lawler having Doink face Bret as a replacement at Summerslam 1993.

Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown

This is evil Doink, meaning he’s AWESOME. Doink comes out carrying two buckets, one of which contains confetti to throw at the fans. The other is full of water which is thrown on Bruce Hart in the old Harlem Globetrotters trick. Bret jumps Doink on the floor and we get things going inside. Doink is punched back to the floor before he can even get his jacket off before Hart sends him into the post. Heenan talks about how Lawler was in an 18 car pileup, crawled out of the car and into a school bus, saved 40 kids from the bus and bought them all hamburgers before coming to the arena tonight. Vince’s stunned reaction is great.

Doink gets in a shot and goes up, only to be crotched on the buckle. Heenan: “He’s been de-Doinked!” Bret offers Lawler a chance to come in before dropping Doink with an atomic drop. Another Lawler distraction lets Doink hit a knee to the back before sending Bret into the steps. Doink starts working on the leg and wraps it around the post with Lawler cheering him on.

The Clown puts on an STF and Heenan swears Bret gave up. Doink transitions into a lame chinlock before putting on a stump puller (you sit the other guy down and push his head down while pulling up on a leg) to stay on the leg and neck. Bret comes back with a right and the Five Moves of Doom. He hooks the Sharpshooter but Lawler runs into the ring and breaks the crutch over Bret’s back for the DQ.

Rating: C+. The match was your usual good Bret match when he had a good opponent to work against. Lawler pretending to be injured is the perfect action for him as he’s such a slimy coward most of the time. The Bret vs. Lawler feud had incredible heat to it as the fans wanted to see Lawler get beaten up…….and then there’s this.

In 1994, Ray Apollo would take over the character and turn him face. His major feud was against Bam Bam Bigelow, though they only had one singles match from some point in February 1994. Doink also now has a mini clown named Dink.

Doink the Clown vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow and Doink get in a tug of war over Dink until Doink grabs a quick belly to belly to send Bigelow out to the floor. Dink steps on Luna Vachon’s hand to draw some screams before Doink takes Bigelow down by the leg. The referee is with Dink for some reason, allowing Luna to rake the big clown’s eyes for the save. A hard elbow to the jaw drops Doink again but he comes back with a running knee lift as we take a break.

Back with Luna chasing Dink with both villains missing the little guy. Doink is finally getting up off the floor but can’t slam Bigelow, giving the big man a two count. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Doink fights up and grabs a belly to back suplex. Some clotheslines have Bigelow rocked but Luna trips Doink up. Bigelow hits the top rope headbutt, only to have Dink break up the pin. Luna grabs Dink but the little clown steps on Luna’s foot and headbutts Bigelow low, knocking him to the floor for a countout.

Rating: D. This was a comedy match minus the comedy that most people over about six years old would laugh at. Apollo sucked the life out of the character as the face turn took away all of the psychological dimensions to Doink and turned him into a guy who did a lot of goofy pranks.

Here’s the required tag match from Wrestlemania X.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Bigelow runs over Doink to start with a clothesline and a dropkick to silence the crowd. A headbutt misses though and the Clown pounds away a bit. Bigelow misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in as well. This is your usual “comedy” but Luna does hit a running hip attack in 619 position but Dink starts running around in circles. The small clown goes up top but misses a dive.

Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.

Rating: D. This was bad but not completely terrible. Doink wasn’t doing his stupid comedy and thankfully Bigelow didn’t have to look all that stupid, which is the worst thing they could have done. The match wasn’t much but to be fair they needed something to give the crowd a breather after the awesome opener. This wasn’t horrible.

What’s better than one small clown? THREE OF THEM! Against THREE MINI LAWLERS! From Survivor Series 1994.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Jerry Lawler, Queasy, Sleazy, Cheesy
Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

We’ve got midgets. Great. In case you can’t tell, they’re three small Lawlers and three small clowns. Lawler tells the fans to NOT chant Burger King at him, because he’s a master at baiting a crowd you know. The big guys start and guess what the fans are chanting. Here’s the first ten minutes of the match: Lawler and Doink do something, Jerry takes over, the small clowns interfere and Lawler gets mad and loses the advantage.

Lawler tries an enziguri but Doink ducks to send Jerry hiding in his corner. Jerry yells at his partners and the Clowns are all laying on the ropes. Jerry gets Doink down and has the small Lawlers run over him. They make faces at the clowns then run back over Doink and crash in a pile. Keep I mind that these other kings have facial and chest hair. Jerry yells at them again and it’s back to the big guys fighting some more.

The small clowns all come in and cover Jerry with Doink counting. Lawler is all ticked off so they do the EXACT SAME SEQUENCE with Jerry counting Doink’s shoulders. Jerry can’t catch Cheesy when Doink kicks him off so Cheesy gets a two count on Lawler with Dink counting. Doink puts a Burger King crown on Lawler to make him even madder. Dink gets on Doink’s shoulders and (this isn’t a typo) Jerry gets on Sleazy’s shoulders which goes as well as you would expect it to.

The big guys have a test of strength and it turns into a big crisscross between the little guys. Lawler gets a non-existent foreign object to take over but it’s time for a chase scene! Jerry reverses a cross body and rolls up Doink with a handful of tights to eliminate the big guy. Lawler isn’t allowed to be in the ring with one of the smaller guys so the match is in essence over already.

It’s Queasy vs. Dink to start the second half of the match and Dink gets his arm bitten. Queasy gets his tights bitten as does Lawler. Now it’s Cheesy vs. Wink with Wink pulling on the beard. Lawler blocks a monkey flip and Cheesy pins Wink off a rollup. A minute later, Lawler drops Cheesy on Pink from six feet in the air for the pin and it’s Dink vs. all four of them. Pink hides under the ring instead of leaving as Dink beats up all three little guys. A top rope cross body looks to pin Cheesy but Lawler makes the save. Sleazy gets the easy pin to win it.

Rating: S. As in stupider, which I now am having watched this. Last year’s show at least had full sized people in there having these matches and it only ran ten minutes. This ran SIXTEEN MINUTES and wasted Jerry freaking Lawler on it. I’ll take ANYTHING after this and like it more than this.

We’ll get away from this stuff and go to Superstars, January 28, 1995.

Doink the Clown vs. Kwang

Kwang is a masked martial artist more commonly known as Savio Vega. Dink offers an early distraction, allowing Doink to get in some kicks to take over. Back up and Kwang nails a clothesline followed by a hook kick to the face. More boots set up a sunset flip from Doink followed by a dropkick for two. Kwang jumps into a powerslam for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Good night there were a lot of kicks in this thing. Kwang was a decent idea for a lower level card guy but the name pretty much killed him. Doink didn’t have much in the ring at this point but the powerslam wasn’t bad. At least the character doesn’t have that much longer to go.

Next up is a Raw from August 14, 1995 against a man that is described as the original Bray Wyatt.

Waylon Mercy vs. Doink the Clown

Mercy is a southerner who was the nicest guy in the world before the bell but he went nuts when the bell rang. Some armdrags send Mercy to the floor and a shoulder to the ribs knocks him off the apron. Doink gets catapulted out to the floor but comes back with some right hands. Mercy drops him with a single left hand and puts on the maniacal sleeper for the win. The fans chanting KILL THE CLOWN tells you everything you need to know about Doink at the moment.

Rating: D+. It’s a shame that Dan Spivey was in such bad shape as this character could have been a huge deal. The look was great and the promos were awesome but Spivey was just too old and banged up. Still though, it was cool to think about what it could have become. The fans just hated Doink by this point.

One more match from this era, on Raw in September 1995.

Doink the Clown vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH gets annoyed at having Doink’s makeup rub off on his chest so Doink slams him down. A running clothesline drops Doink and Helmsley stomps away, only to run into a boot in the corner. Doink plants him with a side slam but misses an elbow. We hit a reverse chinlock on the clown before a Pedigree gets the pin.

Rating: D. Another boring match from Doink as he was nothing but a jobber to the stars at this point. Helmsley was brand new at this point too so seeing him get wins like this was exactly what you would expect to see happening. The fans didn’t care about the clown by this point either.

That would be about it for Doink as a full time wrestler but he would make some sporadic appearances later on, usually played by Steve Lombardi. Here’s an example from Smackdown on July 31, 2003.

Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown

Rhyno has sent Doink to annoy Benoit. Doink takes his time throwing stuff to the crowd so Benoit takes him down on the floor. The hard clothesline drops him to the mat and there’s the wicked German suplex. Doink gets crotched on the top rope, setting up a belly to back superplex, the Swan Dive and the Crossface for the submission.

Another one, from Raw on October 10, 2005.

Rob Conway vs. Doink the Clown

Conway wrestles in sunglasses and is a low level legend killer at this point. Doink gets two off a sunset flip and starts a BOO/YAY chant by pointing at Conway and then himself. Conway finally clotheslines him down and hooks a neckbreaker for no cover. A suplex neckbreaker is good for the pin on Doink.

Doink would be on Saturday Night’s Main Event XXXIV.

Kane/Doink/Eugene vs. Viscera/Kevin Thorn/Umaga

They deserve the ratings they get for this nonsense. The clown and the vampire start us off. Please just make this quick, that’s all I ask. They actually gave this 11 minutes. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? Eugene gets the tar beaten out of him until Kane gets the big tag. Umaga destroys him and then Kane destroys the very fat man for the win. Somehow that was 11 minutes that I’ll never get back. Just get us out of here please.

Rating: F-. This was on in 2007. Let that sink in for a minute.

And another from Raw on July 10, 2010, a show I attended live.

Santino Bunch vs. Regal Bunch

Her video is literally nothing but clips from the Brady Bunch. No one under the age of 15 gets this at all as she’s just some old woman. It’s weird seeing a Boyle County (big old corn fed Kentucky high school football team) shirt on WWE TV. Florence is the announcer here and says she’s feeling groovy. It’s Regal, Ryder (with regular tights now), Primo and Doink (I’d bet on Nick Dinsmore, aka Eugene) vs. Santino, Khali, Kozlov and Goldust. That’s actually a fairly accomplished face team.

Henderson gets a MUCH better reaction here than she did in the video earlier. Wow apparently it was Steve Lombardi as Doink, more commonly known as the Brooklyn Brawler. The captains start us off as Santino has been less annoying lately. Florence puts on Regal’s robe and Santino goes Cobra on us. I wonder if he’s Cobra Commander.

It’s a big mess already and here’s Doink. The crowd only cared about him for the sake of comedy. Khali comes in and falls victim to a squirt gun. A big chop ends this in like a minute. Khali’s music really is good. Henderson is a sport here and at least seems like she wants to be there which is a very good thing if nothing else. She kisses Khali afterwards which is disturbing.

Rating: N/A. Although anything with these 8 guys can’t be incredibly good. Thankfully it seems that the guest host concept is ending. Shame it’s only 7 months too late but whatever.

And finally, from Raw on July 2, 2012 as part of Heath Slater hates legends.

Heath Slater vs. Doink The Clown

This is basically a squash with Slater hitting his spinning sleeper mat slam (didn’t that have a name?) for the pin at 1:20.

As you can see pretty clearly, Doink was little more than a joke for most of his career. However, those early days when he was sinister and evil and basically the Joker were some very entertaining performances and showed how much potential the character had. Then he became a joke and everyone hated him but that’s life in wrestling for you.

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