Monday Night Raw – September 1, 2014: I’ve Never Told Anyone This, But The Bellas Are Awful

It’s Labor Day and we’ve got less than three weeks before Night of Champions. The main stories for tonight are the return of some needed big names like Jericho and Orton. Last week made it clear that they didn’t have the talent pool to fill a three hour show so those two should help things out a little bit. Also tonight we get Cena’s response to Lesnar and Heyman’s promo last week. Let’s get to it.

We open with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. JBL is already over him, talking over Jericho’s lines about how bored he is. Jericho is glad to be in Des Moines. “I love those cheap pops!” His guest tonight is someone who has been given everything he’s ever had in WWE: Randy Orton. Instead he gets HHH, Kane, Rollins and Orton, all in suits. Jericho calls Kane Jaws (James Bond reference) but HHH says Jericho is the man who never grew up. “Figuratively and literally.”

Jericho references Stephanie getting arrested and wants to know why HHH is wearing a pink tie. HHH insists it’s violet and talks about watching Lesnar vs. Cena from Summerslam over and over. After seeing how brutal it was on Cena, he was thinking of giving someone else a title shot at Night of Champions. Orton says it’s him, and reminds Chris that he’s earned everything in WWE. Kane and Rollins both suggest themselves, with Rollins getting a very nice reaction as the hometown boy. Jericho thinks he should get the shot, but here’s serious Cena to interrupt.

Cena isn’t cool with people saying he can’t win just because some Hall of Famers thought he can’t beat Lesnar. People didn’t think he could beat HHH at Wrestlemania XXII but he made him tap out. Cena invoked his rematch clause and HHH approved it, so now if HHH changes things, he’s facing a lawsuit. If that happens, Cena will be the COO and fire HHH as a result. HHH is amazed to hear Cena threatening lawsuits and says he’s trying to prevent Cena from going over the edge.

He knows his job and knows what being COO means. HHH can’t let Cena get hurt again, but Rollins and Orton both imply they can beat Lesnar. Jericho brings up Reigns beating Orton at Summerslam but Randy says he could lay out Reigns right now. Cue Reigns of course to tell Orton to drop him right now. Roman says he belongs in the title hunt so HHH makes a six man tag for a chance to prove themselves, whatever that means. Rollins tries to nail Reigns and gets punched in the jaw.

Miz/Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler/Sheamus

The villains have Sandow and some chick at ringside with them. Cesaro uppercuts Ziggler in the face and drops ten elbows of his own for no cover. Ziggler comes back with a dropkick but goes after Miz, sending him running to the floor. Miz sits in a chair while Sandow gives him water and the girl checks on Miz’s makeup. The movie star comes in but gets caught in a Thesz Press, sending him running away from the right hands.

Sheamus chases him to the floor and tries some right hands, sending Miz running back into the ring. Miz actually fights back with some left hands, but you know Sheamus is fine with a brawl. He ties Miz up in the ropes for the forearms but Cesaro sneaks in with a cheap shot as we take a break.

Back with Miz on the floor getting cleaned up and Sheamus fighting out of a chinlock but getting slapped in the face. He gets all fired up but has to get rid of Miz, allowing Cesaro to take him down with a fall away slam. Sheamus comes back with the middle rope shoulder and a double tag brings in Ziggler and Miz.

Dolph cleans house but the Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb. Ziggler counters that into a sunset flip and hits a running DDT for two. The power guys fall outside again but Miz runs from a Zig Zag attempt. He “tags” Sandow who goes in and takes the Zig Zag, allowing Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin on Dolph at 10:53.

Rating: C. The wrestling was fine but I’m digging Miz’s character more and more every week. They’re actually thinking with it and allowing him to use some of the stuff involved to make it even better. Having a makeup girl and stunt double are great ideas and something that a guy like him would have. The pin here wasn’t clean so it takes away some of the sting. Good stuff.

In case you somehow forgot it, here’s the Bellas’ segment from last week.

Now we get a segment called Growing Up Bella with Nikki talking about going to the prom with a guy she had liked for years. She saved up for months to buy the dress but Brie stole her date. Nikki has never told this to anyone so it must be very painful for her.

Rosa Mendes/Cameron/Eva Marie vs. Layla/Summer Rae/Naomi

The fans start a Randy Savage chant as the announcers tell us about 18 times that Total Divas season 3 debuts this Sunday. Layla and Rosa have a slow motion match to start but Cameron makes the save. A brawl breaks out and it’s a double DQ at 1:00.

We look at Rollins and Kane taking out Ambrose but not being able to do the same to Reigns last week.

Mark Henry/Big Show vs. Wyatt Family

They keep pushing the combined weight in this match, even though it’s the same weight as the other two times we’ve seen these teams fight. Henry runs Rowan over to start and sends him hard into the corner. Mark actually gets on the bottom rope to hammer away before splashing Erick in the other corner. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate as the slow beating continues. Harper breaks up a Vader Bomb attempt, allowing Rowan to knock him off the middle rope. A big boot gets two for Harper and we take a break.

Back with Henry and Rowan both trying big boots at the same time before it’s back to Harper for some choking. Lana and Rusev come out for a distraction as Henry gets up an elbow in the corner. The lukewarm tag brings in Big Show to clean house but he goes outside and gets tripped into the barricade. Show barely beats the count back in but Harper kicks him down for two.

Rowan does his head vice for a bit before it’s back to Harper for some shots to the face. A superkick gets two and Rowan slams Big Show with ease. Show gets in a shot of his own and makes the tag to Henry. House is cleaned again and everything breaks down. Big Show and Rowan fight to the announcers’ table but Rusev comes in for the DQ at 11:21.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here, especially when you consider we’ve seen this match two times in the last few weeks, not counting the six man from last week. That’s one of WWE’s biggest problems: they keep airing matches over and over again and don’t understand why interest goes down every time.

Big Show clears the ring with a chair.

More Growing Up Bella, this time with Nikki talking about getting her driver’s license and having to drive Brie everywhere in the used car they were given by their grandmother. Then Brie stole the car and Nikki’s license and got in a wreck. Nikki got the blame because it was her license. Again, she’s never told anyone about this.

Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL draft pick, has been given an invitation to Raw next week.

We look back at Lesnar vs. Cena, Lesnar and Heyman’s promo from last week, and Cena going nuts last week.

Here’s Heyman to talk about Cena overreacting since his loss. We get stills from Summerslam with Heyman talking about how Cena has stopped listening to reason. Cena can fight as hard as he wants, but you can take the entire locker room and multiply them by infinity and it won’t be as brutal as Lesnar at Night of Champions.

Jack Swagger vs. Curtis Axel

Colter is back. Swagger runs Axel over to start and WE THE PEOPLE, only to get hit in the ribs. Bo Dallas pops up on the stage with three chairs behind him. Axel hits a clothesline to the back of Swagger’s head as Dallas has two men and a woman from the crowd come sit in the chairs. Curtis dropkicks Swagger to the floor but Jack comes right back with the Patriot Lock for the submission at 2:30.

Post match Dallas introduces the three people who are all crushed by Swagger losing at Summerslam. One of the men is a farmer who bet $1000 on Swagger and then bet double or nothing on the rematch. Now the government is taking his farm. Next up is an immigrant that failed his citizenship test and is being deported back to Italy. Colter looks thrilled at that one. Next up is a woman whose son has been crushed by the loss. After the loss, her son wants to be like Vladimir Putin. All three agree to Bolieve.

Adam Rose vs. Titus O’Neil

Adam rolls around on the mat to start but Titus picks him up for a hard backbreaker. The bunny hops over to Slater and gets shoved down. Titus isn’t sure what to think but the bunny double legs Slater and beats the carrots out of him. Rose wins with a rollup at 1:51.

More Growing Up Bella. This time it’s about Brie barely graduating high school until Nikki took her exams for her.

The announcers hype up Attitude Week on the WWE Network.

Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

Lana makes fun of Labor Day before we get going. Ryder hammers away but the Rough Ryder is caught in a fall away slam. The jumping superkick sets up the Accolade for the submission at 0:54.

Post match Henry chases Rusev off. Henry says he’s scared of what he’d do if he got his hands on Rusev. Mark has opened an international wing of the Hall of Pain and Rusev is going to be the first inductee.

Stephanie says she can relate to the Growing Up Bella stories and says her door is always open for employees with problems. HHH is amused by this and says Stephanie is always helping people. Apparently they have an announcement for Nikki.

Here’s Stephanie to bring out Nikki for a chat. The fans are already calling this boring. Stephanie says the people know what it’s like to be in the shadow of those greater than them. Nikki has been through so much so Stephanie is making her #1 contender for the Divas Title.

This brings out Brie but Stephanie cuts the music, saying it now belongs to Nikki alone. Brie wants to know if this is what Nikki has wanted all along. Nikki says that it’s about her for once and that she sees right through everything Brie is doing. She can’t wait for Bryan to see it too. Nikki is going to be the next Divas Champions and the Bella that everyone is talking about.

This brings out AJ Lee to try to save this thing. AJ points out that there is only one contender and she never got a rematch. This brings out Paige who says there’s one thing missing from this talk about the Divas Title: the bloody Divas Champion. Nikki has a solution to this whole thing: she’ll forgive Brie if Brie will quit.

Brie looks annoyed so Nikki tells her to go back to the hole she and Bryan share in Washington to have troll babies. She screams at Brie that if she loves Nikki she’ll leave, but Brie pushes Nikki down, right into Paige. Brie leaves and the fans chant YES. AJ picks up the title but Stephanie tells her to hand it over….and AJ does just that.

Jericho vs. Wyatt in a cage is made for next week.

Bray wants to know how far a rat will go to outrun a serpent. Inside the cage, Jericho won’t be able to run.

Jimmy Uso vs. Goldust

The Dusts try to apologize for their actions but the Usos will have none of it. Jimmy takes Goldust down to start and hits a quick Samoan drop. The running Umaga attack connects and there’s the superkick but Stardust puts his brother’s foot on the ropes. The injured Jey goes after Stardust but gets kicked in the leg. Jimmy dives on Stardust, allowing Goldust to kick Jimmy in the head. The Final Cut gets the pin on Jimmy at 2:14.

Stardust crushes Jey’s bad leg against the post with a chair.

We look at Ambrose getting hurt again. Cole makes sure to point out that Kane and Rollins planned to have the blocks there. We also see Reigns fighting off both Authority members.

Preview of the new season of Total Divas, focusing on the Bellas of course.

Big Show congratulates Henry on chasing Rusev off but wants him to remember the team. Henry says he won’t, but he has to get Rusev. Show offers to be in his corner but Henry needs to do this by himself.

Chris Jericho/John Cena/Roman Reigns vs. Kane/Randy Orton/Seth Rollins

HHH and Stephanie are at ringside. Reigns and Orton get things going with Roman quickly winning a slugout. A big clothesline drops Randy but Reigns pulls Rollins into the ring instead. Seth bails outside and we take a break. Back with Reigns hitting a Samoan drop for two on Orton. Rollins comes in with a shot to Reigns’ head for two and we hit the chinlock. Off to Kane for a chinlock of his own as the fans are getting restless.

Back to Randy who stomps Reigns’ head for two and kicks him down to the mat. Reigns finally gets in a clothesline but the hot tag brings in Jericho to face Rollins. The Lionsault has Rollins in trouble and there are the Walls, only to have Orton make a save. There’s a Superman Punch for Randy but Kane comes in with a chokeslam. Cena AA’s Kane, only to take the springboard knee from Seth. Jericho rolls up Rollins for two but gets kicked in the head. A Codebreaker puts Rollins down and we take a break.

We come back to Jericho fighting out of a chinlock but Rollins sends him into the corner. Rollins hits a running forearm to put the Canadian down and goes up top. Jericho pops up though and dropkicks Seth out of the air in a nice counter. Kane breaks up a hot tag attempt and puts on a chinlock of his own.

Jericho fights to his feet but dives into an uppercut for two. Orton can’t superplex Chris and gets knocked off the top, setting up a high cross body for two. Kane breaks up yet another tag attempt but Jericho nails him with a forearm and makes the real hot tag to Cena (BIG reaction for that). John cleans house and hits an AA on Kane before tagging out to Reigns for the spear and the pin at 22:54.

Rating: C+. This was the standard long match to end a bad show. Cena not getting to come in until the very end was a nice idea and let him explode all at once. Kane taking the fall was pretty clear and there’s nothing wrong with that. This was nothing special though and felt like a house show main event more than anything else.

Cena gets in HHH’s face and AA’s Rollins through the table.

Ads for Michael Sam, Jericho vs. Wyatt in a cage and Orton vs. Reigns close the show. Did I mention Monday Night Football is back next week?

Overall Rating: D. And that’s being generous. Ignoring how horrible the Bellas’ story and acting has been, there was WAY too much focus on that one story all night. This show basically had three stories on it: the Bellas, the World Title and Henry vs. Rusev. The rest was almost all window dressing and that makes for a very long three hours. The show is just so uninteresting right now and the Bellas are a huge part of it. Inviting Michael Sam and then showing his picture on a graphic that says NEXT WEEK is there to deceive people rather than entertain them. It makes the company look lost and that’s not good. Horrible show.

Results
Miz/Cesaro b. Sheamus/Dolph Ziggler – Skull Crushing Finale to Ziggler
Rosa Mendes/Cameron/Eva Marie vs. Layla/Summer Rae/Naomi went to a double DQ when all six started brawling
Mark Henry/Big Show b. Wyatt Family via DQ when Rusev interfered
Jack Swagger b. Curtis Axel – Patriot Lock
Adam Rose b. Titus O’Neil – Rollup
Rusev b. Zack Ryder – Accolade
Goldust b. Jimmy Uso – Final Cut
John Cena/Roman Reigns/Chris Jericho b. Kane/Seth Rollins/Randy Orton – Spear to Kane

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