Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: January 19, 2015
This was another special edition of the show called Raw Reunion, which is another way to have the old guys show up again for no real reason. It’s also the go home show for Monday Night Raw, meaning we need to make sure everyone but Roman Reigns looks great because there’s almost no doubt that he’s going to Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.
We opened with, of course, a big in ring segment. This time though it was Brock ready to fight and wanting to get his hands on Rollins for what happened last week. Instead, HHH came out to basically blame the whole thing on Lesnar, meaning it was almost time for the boss to get beaten down. That is until STEPHANIE came out to calm things down, because no matter who you are, including Brock freaking Lesnar, can’t do anything to Stephanie.
Of all the Authority, I get annoyed at her the most because of things like this. She’s treated like this demigod and everyone is just in awe of her whenever she’s around, likely because of that horrible rap song of hers. Even when she gets her comeuppance, it’s usually with some stupid juvenile comedy moment and then she’s all evil again the next week. Let someone yell at her or call her out on being annoying for a change. You know, like they do to everyone not named Stephanie.
Anyway, Rollins got on screen and talked smack, then Cena came out and talked even more, then Stephanie (praise be her name! And please don’t let her hurt us with her terrifying yet oh so seductive eyes. And don’t let us hear one of her horribly stupid and pointless interviews she gives to her charity of the month or to whatever low level media outlet will talk to her as she tries to be some polished businesswoman and talks about branding like it’s the most important thing in the history of ever) talked a lot, then Cena made fun of Rollins for screwing up a line because no one ever does that.
They STILL WEREN’T FREAKING DONE THOUGH as HHH put Cena in a match later on against an opponent to be named to get the three fired guys their jobs back. Of course that’s not enough though because Cena had to put his spot in the title match on the line. ONE MORE THING! We’re putting it up to the fans to vote because this segment didn’t drag on long enough. They easily could have cut this down by fifteen minutes and dropped the stupid vote thing, but that would prevent their big idea (more on that later).
Bray Wyatt beat Daniel Bryan in a match that was longer than it needed to be. This was entertaining and Bray won thanks to Kane’s help, but the important idea here is that Bray continues to be Daniel’s Kryptonite. Daniel has never beaten him and just can’t figure Wyatt out. Hogan didn’t pin Piper (until the disasters they had in WCW) and Undertaker never pinned Bret. Having that one guy you can’t solve is a good thing and a necessary element for a big character. Granted it’s not likely going to last because we live in an era where everything has to go as fast as possible, but it’s nice to have now.
We got the Kliq reunion in the back and Mizdow did a pretty excellent X-Pac imitation.
The Royal Rumble Legends Panel saw Hogan, Flair and Michaels do Rumble picks and tell generic stories about their wins. It all wound up being a way to have Big Show come out and look intimidating so Reigns could make the save. We’re still on this story somehow and likely will be until Fast Lane. I’ve said this before about WCW decisions, but I’d love to hear Vince validate Big Show’s position in the company. I mean…..how can they possibly think he has an impact, even to newer fans?
The poll says Cena puts the shot on the line. From what I’ve heard, people who voted no were told they voted yes, as were people who downloaded the App and hadn’t voted yet. This kind of chicanery doesn’t really surprise me, but it’s still very annoying to see. Yeah it was a way get people to download the App, but they should be able to find better ways than this. It was a stupid vote to have and the results should have been obvious. It made the opening segment even longer too and that’s never a good thing.
Dean Ambrose pinned Bad News Barrett. I think I pinned him in a non-title match a few weeks back.
Rumble by the Numbers. That’s still cool.
New Day beat Cesaro and Tyson Kidd in a quick match. I still like the losers here.
The NWO came out and took credit for everything good ever (literally) until Ascension came out. This brought out the APA and New Age Outlaws to beat up the Ascension, because the tag team division is SO deep that you can have old guys beat them up like this. I mean, I could go for another six months of Miz/Mizdow or Dust Brothers vs. the Usos couldn’t you?
Cena is facing Big Show/Kane/Rollins in the main event. As usual, just going through the motions.
Paige and Natayla won your weekly pointless Divas match, defeating Summer Rae and Alicia Fox.
Rusev, R-Truth, 46 seconds.
Lesnar scared Rollins because last week’s big hero moment is totally forgotten.
Jey Uso beat the Miz. I don’t care either.
The three villains destroyed Cena for most of the match until Sting came out and pointed (not at the sign of course. He hasn’t earned that right yet), allowing Cena to roll Rollins up for the pin. Cena ran from the monsters and Lesnar came out to destroy everything in sight to end the show. Of note after the show, there was a kid crying that HHH wanted to hurt Cena so HHH broke character and told him it was ok. I love little things like that and it’s not like it hurt anything. If nothing else he can say it’s best for business to make sure everyone goes home happy.
Overall, Raw wasn’t horrible this week but it really didn’t do much for me. They’re trying to hide that it’s Reigns winning the Rumble, but at the end of the day it’s about as clear as Stephanie’s diamond eyes. Sorry just had to get in a bit more sucking up before she started talking again. The wrestling wasn’t much this week and it was clear they were filling in time, which unfortunately didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show any more than I already did. Not a fan of this one for the most part, but it had some watchable moments.
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I realize this is going to make me sound like a grumpy old fan with his head still in the territories, So be it. Back around 1977 or so, my dad took me to the wrestling matches in Southern California. I was 8 years old. It was in a renovated barn, a very tiny local promotion. During the matches, several of the wrestlers would come out and stand up against the wall and watch.
Even at 8, I liked the bad guys. The main event of the night was Chavo Guererro vs Roddy Piper, who even back then was incredibly hated. I had gotten a few meaningless autographs that night (Porkchop Cash, Butcher Vachon), tho I wasn’t a big autograph hound. My dad sees Piper standing around in his gear, waiting to go on later, and tells me I should go see if he’ll sign my book. So I work up the nerve to go up to him, and meekly ask if he’ll sign my little green book. He just looked down at me and slowly shook his head no, and I thanked him anyway and booked.
My dad thought it was funny but my mother and everybody else just thought it was awful, my goodness, how could he reject a little boy and break his heart and blah blah blah. What they didn’t understand was, I absolutely loved it. I didn’t want his autograph; I wanted him to be the Piper I thought was cool.
My point is, somebody should have told that kid at Raw to toughen up, and Trips should have his spot in the Heel Hall of Fame revoked. I realize Kayfabe is dead, but can’t these guys put some method in their acting?
I get and certainly agree with the mentality in that, but when they’re showing the guys backstage on their Network, it’s pretty much a waste of time to try something like this. I wish it wasn’t the case but it pretty much is.
The date’s wrong.