Monday Night Raw – May 16, 2016: New Day Has A Time Machine
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 16, 2016
Location: Greensboro Coliseum Complex, Greensboro, Coliseum
Commentators; John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton
It’s the go home show for Extreme Rules 2016 and the only match announced for tonight is the Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows. For those of you not counting, this is the seventh time these teams have been in a match together since April 25, or once for ever Raw/Smackdown in that span. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s AJ Styles to open things up. AJ is tired of Roman Reigns lying about him and he shows us TWEETS to prove that Reigns is saying AJ is in league with Anderson and Gallows. Apparently this is getting to him because it’s a new era and he’s tired of the same old stuff. He didn’t need anyone’s help to get to the top spot in the Tokyo Dome in front of 60,000 people and he doesn’t need anyone’s help to get where he’ll be on Sunday. Cue Reigns to interrupt to say AJ is indeed phenomenal.
Reigns gets annoyed with a WE WANT ROLLINS chant and says he’ll be in the Usos’ corner tonight. AJ will be in his buddies’ corner and cuts Roman’s “the guy” speech off. Reigns is indeed the guy…..that AJ is going to beat on Sunday. Roman shrugs it off and says he can do everything he wants to on Sunday. That’s going to prove that the bloodline (might be the new name for Reigns and the Usos) is stronger than the Club. Cue Gallows and Anderson but the Usos run in as well, only to have Reigns blast AJ in the face to send the Club away.
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn
Miz and Owens are on commentary for the always brilliant FIVE MAN BOOTH. This is the aftermath of Zayn accidentally kicking Cesaro, his partner at the time, in the face on Smackdown to cost them a match. Cesaro starts fast and powerslams Sami for two but gets sent to the floor, allowing Sami to tease the dive. Instead it’s the springboard moonsault back inside as Owens walks off commentary because he “doesn’t care about this match”. Instead Owens goes after Miz and walks off with the Intercontinental Title. Miz goes after Owens to start a brawl and they get inside to draw the no contest at 1:47.
Cue Shane to make it a tag match which they completely couldn’t have done in the first place. Oh wait we’re not done though as Stephanie comes out to say it would be more interesting if the teams were Miz/Cesaro vs. Sami/Owens and if Owens walks out, he’s not in the title match on Sunday.
Cesaro/Miz vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens
Joined in progress with Cesaro escaping Kevin’s headlock and trying the Swing. Owens slaps Sami to bring him in to face Miz but Sami and Owens keep yelling at each other. One such argument results in Sami being knocked off the apron and into the barricade, which seems to bang up his shoulder as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting the running corner clothesline on Sami and bringing in Cesaro to pick the bones with a running clothesline of his own (not a splash Cole, you dingbat).
Miz comes back in and punches Sami into the corner for the tag off to Owens for the big face comeback. There is money in a face run from Owens with him destroying everyone in sight and being built up for a big match. Cesaro comes in for the running uppercuts as everything breaks down. Miz sends Cesaro out to the floor to try his own Swing, only to have Cesaro give Miz the Skull Crushing Finale. The Helluva Kick puts Miz away at 10:47.
Rating: C+. I liked this more than I was expecting to after we spent five minutes watching Stephanie and Shane have a board meeting to set up a match. The idea of the guys doing each others’ moves was a bit of a surprise and a different idea and you had Owens being amazing to carry the thing. Also I’m fine with the champion losing in a tag match, especially after his own partner turned on him.
Owens lays Sami out post match and insists that his hand be raised because he won too.
Chris Jericho is furious at Dean for destroying a jacket more iconic to the WWE than Andre the Giant. He should call the cops but he’ll deal with this himself.
Video on Apollo Crews.
Shining Stars vs. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy
The jobbers are Corey Hollis/John Skyler from NXT. The Shining Stars are Primo/Epico as wrestling travelogues from Puerto Rico. JBL: “THEY’RE FINALLY HERE!” Primo says the ring is their paradise and they welcome tourists like these people from right here in North Carolina. Primo grabs Jackson to start before it’s off to Epico for two suplexes into a brainbuster. A hard shot to the face drops Kennedy and a butterfly suplex into a gutbuster makes things even worse. The Shining Star (Total Elimination) puts Kennedy away at 1:35.
The Shining Stars invite us to Puerto Rico.
Here’s Dean Ambrose, sporting a black eye, to call out Jericho. Chris is right there to tell Dean to shut his mouth. Jericho demands an apology to go with fifteen grand but first Chris has to tell the fans to be quiet. The apology isn’t happening because Dean wants a match at Extreme Rules. Jericho: “Just as I expected.” The match is on but Dean doesn’t know if Jericho is up to getting extreme anymore.
Jericho lists off his resume and accepts, so Dean has a cage lowered. BOY, IT’S A GOOD THING THAT WAS READY AND COMPLETELY NOT NOTICED ALL NIGHT LONG. There are weapons attached to the cage (including a mop and a potted plant), which Dean has dubbed the Asylum. Dean gives a long speech about how violent this is going to be while the announcers act like there has never been a match like this before. Yeah a weapons cage match is such an insane idea, though to be fair I’d try to forget the Extreme Elimination Chamber as well.
We recap the opening sequence.
Dana Brooke insults some people for not being in good enough shape.
Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch
In case their match on Smackdown wasn’t bad enough for you. No Emma here as she’s legitimately injured, which the announcers actually acknowledge. Becky kicks her out to the floor but Dana sends her head first into the barricade. A modified seated abdominal stretch has Becky in trouble but she comes back with the Bexploder. Dana counters a sunset flip out of the corner and sits down for the pin at 3:45.
Rating: D+. Dana is in a very weird place right now as she was brought up to team with Emma but the injury has completely derailed that idea. The problem is that Dana isn’t anywhere near ready for this level on her own and needs a lot more time down in NXT. They would be smart to pull the plug on this and send her back down but WWE isn’t normally that smart.
We get the same Life Lesson with Bob Backlund from Smackdown with Backlund not understanding smartphones and telling Darren to put his desktop on the desk and his mail in the mailbox. In other words, there’s still no reason to watch Smackdown.
Shane and Stephanie are watching the Backlund ad when Stephanie gets annoyed at him for not bringing up the Asylum match. The Dudley Boyz come in to mention the Attitude Era, which gets one of them a match with Colin Cassady.
Video on Golden Truth FINALLY getting together after five months, capped off by this past Thursday when Fandango and Tyler Breeze turned on them.
Golden Truth vs. Breezango
Truth goes after Breeze to start but gets knocked down in the corner, allowing Fandango to come in and smash him in the face. A double clothesline puts both guys down so it’s off to Goldust vs. Breeze. Goldust starts cleaning house and everything breaks down, only to have Truth kick Goldust by mistake, allowing Breeze to get the pin at 1:58. For some reason the loss was very entertaining.
Post break Goldust doesn’t think the team has any future. Truth thinks they need to get the creative juices flowing and that they need to get their “fing shooie” in line. Everyone wants the Golden Truth but here are Breeze and Fandango to say the new era is passing them by. That’s enough to convince Goldust to stick with it.
Here’s New Day for a chat and there’s something under a curtain behind them. They’re not sure what’s up with the Vaudevillains being from a new era…..so Woods has built a time machine. Big E: “That’s clearly an old refrigerator box.” Woods: “IT’S THE NEW DAYLOREAN!” Big E. thinks the keyboard is from Woods’ parents house. Big E.: “WHY IS IT STICKY???”
They get inside and Kofi comes out to his SOS theme with a Jamaican accent. Woods pulls him back in, despite Kofi’s protests that 2009 was his best year. They come back out (after a lot of whirring noises and the camera going wonky) in black and white with a box of Derriere Squares and broken smart phones. Woods realizes this means there are no video games so Big E. shouts that they shouldn’t be here. Cue the Vaudevillains to beat them down, ending a hilarious segment WAY too early.
Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows
Reigns and AJ are at ringside. No Siva Tao for the Usos which is really odd to see. Jimmy superkicks Anderson to start and Gallows is knocked to the floor as well, giving us a meeting on the floor but not a break. Anderson takes over on Jimmy back inside, setting up a legdrop and chinlock for two. Something resembling a Whisper in the Wind puts Gallows down on the floor and Jimmy dives off the steps to drop him again. Anderson decks Jimmy and we get a lot of shouting to take us to a break.
Back with Luke crotching himself on the top rope and Anderson getting backdropped to the floor. Jey gets the tag and dives onto both of them, followed by the running Umaga Attack for two. Anderson breaks up a superplex attempt but charges into a spinebuster for two. Karl tries to run the ropes but eats a superkick with Gallows making the save. Gallows eats another superkick, followed by back to back double superkicks. The Superfly Splash ends Gallows at 12:48.
Rating: C+. I would say to never have them fight again but at this point they’ll probably have it again on Smackdown or at the pay per view. I’m really not sure why we needed the Usos to win here but I’m sure it’s something to do with teaching Gallows and Anderson their place in the company. It’s not like they can go anywhere else and be stars.
Post match the brawl keeps going with the tag teams being sent out to the floor. AJ picks up the chair but Reigns punches it out of his hands. Gallows and Anderson interfere but Roman drops them, allowing AJ to beat on Reigns with the chair, including a Styles Clash onto the chair.
Big Cass vs. D-Von Dudley
Before the match, Cass implies that D-Von is Steve Urkel. Bubba loads up an early table but gets on the apron for some near heel miscommunication. The East River Crossing puts D-Von away at 58 seconds.
Cass does S-A-W-F-T post match and you can see Enzo’s value deteriorating every second.
John Cena return video.
Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio
Non-title and Kalisto slips on the way to the ring. Del Rio goes after the mask to start before sending Kalisto outside. Kalisto comes back and tries a hurricanrana off the apron, only to get caught and swung into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Kalisto taking a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker so Del Rio can show off the biceps. We see Sin Cara watching in the back as Rusev blasts him in the back with a stick.
Del Rio forces Kalisto to watch the beating on the screen before going HARD into the post off a missed charge. Alberto takes way too long for the top rope double stomp though and Kalisto comes back with a top rope hurricanrana. Cue Rusev kicking Cara down the aisle as Kalisto springboards into a seated senton. The hurricanrana driver gets two but the Rusev distraction lets Del Rio get in a Backstabber for the pin at 11:12.
Rating: D. Another champion loses because that’s how you build a title match. I’m so glad we got this mini League of Nations reunion after all that time they spent tearing them apart. If there’s a reason that Kalisto is being destroyed like this it’s not being made clear enough and this loss really didn’t need to happen. I’m sure this is going to mean the world to Del Rio too, because a pin over a champion isn’t something that’s going to be forgotten a week later, right D-Von and Paige?
Rusev kicks Kalisto in the back of the head and gives him a PAINFUL look Accolade post match.
Here are Shane and Stephanie to moderate the Women’s Title contract signing in the closing segment. They introduce Charlotte but Ric Flair comes out for the big hyped up introduction. Charlotte thanks her dad for the speech and wants to sign but Shane brings out Natalya. Getting her history wrong, Natalya says Charlotte beat her before without Ric in her corner (Ric and Bret were at ringside for that match).
Charlotte goes on a rant about how this is her city and how everyone loves her because her last name is Flair. Ric starts WOOing but Charlotte actually cuts her off. The champ goes to sign the contract but there’s a clause saying that Charlotte forfeits the title if Ric takes one step down the aisle.
Cue security to drag Ric away and if he doesn’t leave, the title is forfeited right now. Ric yells at Stephanie and calls her the worst businesswoman of all time. It’s time to fight Shane and the fans go nuts, only to have Stephanie slap Ric instead. Now security takes him out but Natalya has to save Stephanie from Charlotte. The champ is put in the Sharpshooter and taps out to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This was a long, hard show to sit through. It really feels like they ran out of ideas before we got to Extreme Rules and this was what we were stuck with instead. There’s very little that has my interest for Sunday and this show made that interest go down even further. I don’t know what they need to change at this point but a go home show with the Colons in a new gimmick and Breezango vs. Golden Truth really isn’t a good sign.
Results
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn went to a no contest when Kevin Owens and Miz interfered
Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens b. Cesaro/The Miz – Helluva Kick to Miz
Shining Stars b. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy – Shining Star to Kennedy
Dana Brooke b. Becky Lynch – Rollup
Breezango b. Golden Truth – Breeze pinned Goldust after R-Truth accidentally kicked him
Usos b. Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson – Superfly Splash to Gallows
Alberto Del Rio b. Kalisto – Backstabber
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Cass is ok on the mic, nothing more. Enzo is fantastic.
Strange decision to put that women’s title segment on last. It’s obviously not leading to a title change and WWE really just needs to let the match be and quit focusing on Ric and Bret.
Also strange that Cass seems to have taken Corbin and or Crews’ singles push while waiting for Enzo to return. I don’t know if Cass will ever be able to stand on his own as big time singles wrestler but he will get every opportunity to do so and he at least has the raw skills( unlike some other wrestlers) that could make him a main event level guy.
Somehow Ambrose v Jericho has been the best booked feud since Mania because it doesn’t involve overdoing a match and is solely a feud based off one slight( canceling the Highlight Reel in favor of the Ambrose Asylum) and snow balled into a deep feud of hate. I love it.
The AJ will he or won’t get violent stuff was fine and I am ready for the organized chaos of Sunday. I would love see AJ actually win a get short title reign before losing it but that has 0.05% chance of happening.
New Day make everything better and you can see the paths that wind them up to big Summerslam match from a mile away but it’s cool because they will always strive to entertain us all the way there.
The IC title four way should be fun and with MITB around the corner I don’t expect Owens v Zayn or Cesaro v Miz to wrap up anytime soon which is a risky proposition at this point.
Why does the US title even exist? Really? Do we need it? They don’t ever use it well unless Cena is propping it up.
1. I’m thinking it’s an experiment to see how Reigns was doing as a main event draw. The final hour has tanked for weeks now so it comes off like a big test.
2. Every day that Cass is on his own, Enzo becomes less valuable. Cass is fine on the mic and has every skill Vince loves in a big guy. Enzo can come back and be a mouthpiece for someone but his in ring days aren’t really necessary.
3. I’m getting more into Jericho vs. Ambrose but it has some big flaws. I really don’t need to see them fight after Dean beat him clean at Payback, plus they’re clearly rebuilding Ambrose after the Brock disaster.
4. Yeah I can’t imagine AJ winning. Shenanigans will be afoot though.
5. Yep. New Day is a blast and couldn’t have been nicer at Axxess. It’s pure entertainment the whole way through.
6. That’s been my favorite feud on the show for a long time but they’re clearly out of ideas.
7. Sure we do, but right now the writers and their goldfish level attention spans are focusing on the Intercontinental Title so the US is stuck in this mess.
I never thought about it as a ratings test but that makes a lot of sense.
I like Cass but I think a lot of mic skills are GD( gimmick dependent) which is fine but in WWE if often holds folks back when they are Gimmick Dependent.
Did the crowd not get the jokes during the New Day segment? They were silent during what was easily the most entertaining part of the show.
The problem was the show being in Greensboro. It’s where the first Starrcade and Clash of the Champions were held, meaning it’s about as old school of a fanbase as you’ll get. Time machines aren’t the best idea for them.
Fair enough, that segment would have been better with a smarter crowd. The return of the Jamacian accent was clever.
I thought it moved along alot better tonight than last week did. I think Extreme Rules has a solid enough Card and most of it has been built up well. You know KB and don’t take this personal but everytime I hear you say well this Show did nothing to interest me in Sunday’s PPV I know you are going to watch it anyway. That line gets a little old for me at times.
Of course I’m going to watch it but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be interested in it. I’m far from the average fan that WWE is trying to reach with these shows and if someone who loves WWE isn’t interested, I highly doubt a lot of casual fans will be either.
I get what you are saying but they are pushing new faces at us and some fresh Matchups. I think things have been going in a good direction since WM 32.
Raw was just all right. The Asylum match will be an improvement over the Payback match and the WHC bout will deliver…and I think Big Cass is growing on me and believe he is better suited as a singles star. Enzo is just plain annoying and Cass (who I at first thought sucked on the mike) does not need him. I wouldn’t mind seeing an Attitude Era vs New Era feud…..
Wh…why are Gallows and Anderson being booked like this?? Its almost like they are Rowan and Harper to AJ’s Bray. Except you know, AJ actually wins stuff.
Can’t wait till the big stars return starting in a couple of weeks. The show definitely needs them more than ever as lMO, beyond the WWE WHC scene, nothing interested me tonight whatsoever.
I don’t see Roman losing the title at ER, and I do hope he doesn’t, as I hope Cena vs Roman is gonna be setup for SummerSlam(with Cena winning the title).
Also, like you, I can’t understand why they cut short the New Day segment. I’ve been getting a bit annoyed at them in the last couple of weeks, but tonight they were brilliant and more time should definitely have been given to them.
After Gallows and Anderson lost the show fell apart. Holy hell was that last hour hard to sit through.