Smackdown – June 16, 2016: Happy Birthday Mom

Smackdown
Date: June 16, 2016
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton

It’s the final show before Money in the Bank so just set up the big six man main event already. This week’s Raw had some strong story building moments for the coming pay per view but the go home Smackdowns can be all over the place quality wise. Hopefully they don’t just bore us with nothing matches that don’t fire up the fans for Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. Jericho says quiet about seventeen times and unveils the new Jeritron 6500 and the new $2000 carpet. He promises to win Money in the Bank because he created it (“You’re welcome.”). Tonight his guest is Dean Ambrose, even though Jericho hates him. Dean comes out with a cup of coffee but first we have to look at the clip of the Ambrose Asylum on Monday. Jericho isn’t cool with the coffee because this carpet is made of Serengeti yak hair. Dean’s coffee is like the Gift of Jericho man. He’s just drinking it in.

Jericho says Dean won’t be Shawn Michaels tonight and shove his head through the screen so Dean’s Jeritron privileges are revoked. Actually everyone has so raise the screen. Chris brings up the thumbtacks and says the holes don’t combine to equal the hole left in Dean’s spirit by never being World Heavyweight Champion. Dean isn’t winning the briefcase or the title on Sunday but here’s Kevin Owens to interrupt. That case is HIS and he might cash in at any time.

Cue Del Rio to speak Spanish and say no one understands how this works except for him but here’s Cesaro to interrupt as well. Nothing is said before Sami cuts them off and announces tonight’s six man, triggering an argument with Cesaro over the interruption. Jericho calls them stupid idiots and says they’ll win tonight so Dean pours the coffee on the carpet to start the brawl.

Kofi Kingston vs. Aiden English vs. Luke Gallows vs. Big Cass

Enzo’s entrance is cut off by New Day and that’s not cool. I guess New Day are haters now? Other than Kofi riding in on Big E.’s shoulders, there’s no special entrance from New Day. Enzo and Woods are sitting in on commentary. Gallows powerbombs Kofi to start but Cass clotheslines Luke down and knocks Aiden outside as well. The Club gets Cass to the floor and sends him into the barricade as the guest commentators both get up and we take a break.

Back with Aiden and Gallows taking turns beating on Kofi before naturally fighting over who gets the pin. Cass breaks up what looks like a Doomsday Device with big boots and clotheslines all around. Gotch tries to interfere but Gallows pulls Cass to the floor. Kingston dives off the top to take out Gallows and Cass, followed by Big E. running over Gotch. Back inside it’s Kofi hitting Trouble in Paradise for the pin on English at 7:44.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and Kofi winning isn’t exactly a great sign for New Day’s reign going forward. The Club winning the titles makes the most sense which is probably why the Vaudevillains will win the titles. I’m really hoping they don’t split up New Day or Enzo/Cass in the Draft but leave it to WWE to go with the worst possibly choices.

Natalya and Becky Lynch are ready for their tag match on Sunday and insist that the truth is out there: Charlotte can’t win a match on her own. Dana and Charlotte come in so bickering can ensue.

Baron Corbin vs. Zack Ryder

Dolph Ziggler is on commentary. Corbin chokes to start but goes outside to yell at Ziggler, allowing Ryder to get in a dropkick off the apron. The Broski Boot gets two (on Baron if that wasn’t clear) but End of Days wraps Ryder up at 1:46.

Corbin walks away from a fight with Ziggler post match.

Rusev vs. Kalisto

Non-title and Lana does Rusev’s intro. They show Rusev beating Titus O’Neal down on Raw to basically guarantee the post match shenanigans. Kalisto gets jumped during the entrances and put in the Accolade. No match.

Sin Cara tries to make a save and gets the same treatment. Titus runs in for the save and cleans house.

Recap of the Styles vs. Cena contract signing.

AJ Styles says he’ll prove he can win on his own this Sunday. New Day comes in to laugh at AJ’s lack of style and a match is set up between Woods vs. Styles.

Xavier Woods vs. AJ Styles

No seconds at ringside. Feeling out process to start with AJ sending Woods off the ropes and saying Xavier can’t see him. AJ cranks on a wristlock and says he does this better than Cena. Woods comes back with a strike to the forehead, only to have AJ chop block him down. AJ takes his time to let the referee check on Woods, who catches AJ with a jumping knee to the head. The Pele drops Woods for two though and it’s off to the chinlock.

Woods finally gets up and grabs an O’Connor Roll for two, only to get caught in a backbreaker. We take a break and come back with Xavier punching his way out of a superplex and getting two off a high cross body. A reverse suplex drops Styles and a discus forearm puts him on the floor. Woods follows him out with a big flip dive before walking across the top rope for a LONG elbow drop and a near fall. AJ escapes a superplex and scores with the Phenomenal Forearm setting up the Calf Crusher (Styles: “THIS IS WHAT I’M GOING TO DO TO JOHN CENA!”) for the tap out at 12:21.

Rating: B-. Woods can go when he wants to but most of the time he’s just there for comic relief. Granted it might have helped that the match was against AJ Styles and Woods only had to do the basics to get through this one. The ending made perfect sense as they set up the injury at the beginning and then paid it off at the end. Why is that so complicated?

Post match AJ says that’s just a taste of what Cena is getting when his time is up.

This week’s lesson with Bob Backlund is about Darren Young reading more. Bob says they’re like dumbbells for the brain but Backlund doesn’t like the idea of Darren taking advice from anyone, including Backlund himself. That’s because Backlund doesn’t give advice. Instead he gives orders, like 100 high knees right now.

Natalya vs. Charlotte

Non-title with Becky and Dana at ringside. Charlotte takes it to the mat with a headlock which is countered into a headscissors. The hold is quickly broken but Natalya breaks up the strut. Charlotte gets caught in a surfboard but it’s too early for the Sharpshooter. Natalya will have none of this waiting on the floor and takes Charlotte out with a baseball slide. Dana offers a distraction though, allowing Charlotte to kick Natalya in the face to take over. The advantage doesn’t last long though as Natalya throws her over with a German suplex for two.

Nattie By Nature gets two as the announcers talk about video games. Lawler: “The only video game you should be talking about is WWE2K16.” That’s some veteran shilling. Charlotte goes up for the moonsault but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two, only to have Dana hold up the title as a distraction. Becky and Dana slug it out and Charlotte chop blocks Natalya, setting up the Figure Eight for the submission at 5:48.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help set up Sunday but I’m not really sure why these women are still fighting. You would think Natalya losing like five matches to Charlotte would be enough to end the feud but let’s just keep it going anyway. It’s not like there’s anyone else around to challenge for the title. One last note: I’d like to point out that the loss to Paige on Monday seems to mean absolutely nothing, barring a surprise Paige title shot coming up after Money in the Bank.

Long video on Roman vs. Rollins.

Dean Ambrose/Sami Zayn/Cesaro vs. Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens

It’s a big brawl to start until Del Rio and Cesaro are left alone in the ring. Alberto misses the corner enziguri but still lands on Cesaro’s back. That means it’s time for the uppercut train (and Mauro’s uppercut party line) before Del Rio avoids the Codebreaker to the arm. Cesaro can’t hook the Swing though and has to settle for a flip dive off the apron. The running European uppercut sends Jericho into the timekeeper’s area.

Del Rio gets one as well and Cesaro stays on him with a high cross body for two. Cesaro Swings all three heels with Jericho getting the last one and a Sharpshooter to go with it. Jericho taps but isn’t legal, allowing Del Rio to superkick Cesaro down for two as we take a break. Back with Jericho posing over a fallen Cesaro before handing it off to Owens for a stomping in the corner. Del Rio tags himself in to hammer Cesaro even more, only to get dropkicked off the top and out to the floor.

The hot tag brings in Sami to take on Jericho as everything breaks down. Sami’s high cross body gets two but Owens gets in a cheap shot to let Jericho take over. That means a long and obvious spot call in the corner until Sami gets in a clothesline to set up the hot tag to Dean. Everything breaks down again and Dean sends Del Rio to the floor for the suicide dive.

The standing elbow misses though and Alberto gets two off a Backstabber. Dirty Deeds is broken up and it’s Cesaro cleaning house with uppercuts, including one to Ambrose. Del Rio tags out to Owens, earning himself a superkick. Jericho gets one from Owens as well, setting up Dirty Deeds for the pin on Kevin at 13:50.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what I was expecting but that’s to be expected when you do the same building process year after year. It’s a fine Smackdown main event with enough good action and a grand total of almost no storyline advancement. In other words: a big part of why no one watches Smackdown at the moment.

Overall Rating: C. You can feel the show being stuck in a holding pattern until we get to the Brand Split and Smackdown possibly starts meaning anything again. This didn’t do anything to make me want to see Sunday’s show but Raw already took care of most of that. The show wasn’t bad or anything but it was so horribly average with nothing memorable whatsoever. If this doesn’t change after the split, this show is in major trouble.

Results

Kofi Kingston b. Big Cass, Aiden English and Luke Gallows – Trouble in Paradise to English

Baron Corbin b. Zack Ryder – End of Days

AJ Styles b. Xavier Woods – Calf Crusher

Charlotte b. Natalya – Figure Eight

Dean Ambrose/Cesaro/Sami Zayn b. Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens/Alberto Del Rio – Dirty Deeds to Owens

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