Monday Night Raw – March 27, 2017: Going Home for a Really Long Day

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 27, 2017
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

It’s the last show before Wrestlemania and that means there isn’t likely to be much going on tonight. The big story tonight is the HHH vs. Seth Rollins signing, which is a match that somehow hasn’t been confirmed yet. While it seems to be a guarantee, I could see Sami Zayn and Samoa Joe being added to make it a tag match for the sake of protecting Seth’s knee. Let’s get to it.

The Undertaker hacks the opening video and turns it into one of his own. You know I wasn’t sure if he’d be on the go home show for Wrestlemania.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Bayley, in an Ultimate Warrior shirt, to open the show. This is her favorite time of the year because she used to get together with her friends and buy Wrestlemania every year. This time around though, she’s defending her title on the show and it’s the biggest night of her life. Cue Charlotte to interrupt and talk about taking care of Sasha Banks last year. When she beat Sasha at End of the Line, she sent her away from the title picture.

This Sunday, Sasha is going to turn on Bayley because Banks believes in keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. Charlotte shows us a Tweet to prove it but has to deal with CM PUNK chants. Now it’s Sasha coming out to say she hears this every single week. She promises to win but here’s Nia Jax to interrupt as well. It’s her turn to promise to win the title and a brawl breaks out.

Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax/Charlotte

This was previously announced so they didn’t just throw it together for a change. Sasha works on a backbreaker with her knee in Charlotte’s back to start but it’s off to Nia for the power game. Things start going badly for Sasha as you might expect and it’s back to Charlotte.

Sasha gets over for the tag as well though and sends Charlotte face first into the buckle a few times, only to miss a middle rope crossbody. A chinlock keeps Bayley in trouble as long as a chinlock is going to do, meaning it’s off to Sasha for a kick to Charlotte’s ribs. Not that it matters as Nia runs her off the apron and we take a break.

Back with Charlotte and Nia taking turns on a chinlock until Charlotte bends Sasha’s back over her knee. Banks finally fights up and makes the hot tag off to Bayley for a very nice pop. A belly to back gets two on Charlotte but she goes after the knee and grabs the Figure Four, only to have Sasha make the save. Sasha poses Nia, leaving the Bayley to Belly to finish Charlotte at 13:00.

Rating: C. Pretty standard match here and I’m worried about the ending being a bad sign for Bayley on Sunday. I can live with almost anyone walking away with the title save for Charlotte as a fifth title reign in a year is just ridiculous and therefore the most likely ending. Nia was playing the monster role well here, which is really all she needs to do.

Nia drops everyone post match, including a splash to Charlotte, allowing her to hold up the title.

We look at HHH re-injuring Seth Rollins’ knee.

We look back at Mick Foley being fired last week.

Sami Zayn enters the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal to honor Foley’s legacy. Stephanie comes up and says not so fast because Sami hasn’t earned that right. Therefore, tonight he has to defeat Kevin Owens in a No DQ match. If he loses, he can join Foley on the unemployment line. She’s always had some weird obsession with that match but at least we don’t have to hear about her being Andre’s friend.

Austin Aries vs. Noam Dar

Neville is on commentary. Aries hits a running dropkick to put him on the floor and we take a break. Back with Dar stomping away in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. The comeback doesn’t take long and a legsweep sends Dar outside for a suicide dive. Back in and Aries unloads with the discus Fivearm, followed by the Last Chancery (making its main roster debut) to make Dar tap at 7:30.

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match but this was ALL about making Aries look more dangerous before he gets to face Neville on Sunday. I love the idea of adding a submission to Aries’ offense, especially one as cool looking as the Last Chancery. They’ve done a really good job of building this up and it’s one of the matches I’m looking forward to most.

We look back at HHH demanding Rollins sign a paper to prevent lawsuits due to injuries.

Here are Rollins and HHH for the contract signing. HHH doesn’t get in yet because he has to tell Seth that the match is off if there’s violence before the match. Seth has to sit down and listen to what he has to give up or there’s no match. HHH explains the idea all over again and then blames the fans for putting Seth in jeopardy.

The boss doesn’t understand why people hate success so much. How dare HHH drive a nice car and live in a nice house? You have one life to live and there’s no point in holding back. HHH finally gets to a logical point by saying Seth doesn’t want to miss Wrestlemania twice in a row but if he walks in to Wrestlemania, he’s not walking out.

Seth says that’s the same nonsense he bought into three years ago but he’s not doing it now. He didn’t mind wrestling in front of 100 people for a hot dog and a handshake in the Philadelphia National Guard Armory because he loves this business. Seth loves this and it’s more than just a match at Wrestlemania. Rollins signs and the beating is on with HHH going after the knee. HHH loads up the crutch but gets caught by an enziguri and backdropped over the top.

This was a little long but it showcases the major problem: I have no idea why they’re fighting. Rollins’ motivation makes sense but did HHH ever give a better explanation than “your knee got hurt and we had to start over”? Is that REALLY the best they can come up with? HHH’s speech about money and power didn’t make sense and I really don’t get what they’re going for here.

We look at Goldberg beating Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series.

Back from a break and we look at what we just saw.

Over the Top Rope Challenge

This is basically a battle royal gauntlet match and I’m assuming everyone is in the Andre match. Big Show and Jinder Mahal start with Show putting him out in about thirty seconds. Bo Dallas gets the same treatment and both Shining Stars don’t do much better. Golden Truth and Curtis Axel come in, plus the other four who were previously eliminated, to finally put Big Show out.

It doesn’t really matter as Show gets back in and beats up everyone save for Truth, who bails instead. Show’s music plays but Braun Strowman comes out for the trash talk against Big Show as the match ended….I guess when Show was eliminated. I’m really not sure who won so we’ll call it a no contest at around 3:00. No rating due to how all over the place this was, but at least we know Strowman is in the battle royal.

We look back at Sheamus and Cesaro winning a handicap match in 40 seconds last week.

Anderson and Gallows think Enzo and Cass are stupid.

The Undertaker is digging graves.

Reigns isn’t scared.

New Day rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange, gave out cheese steaks and New Day Pops to people in Philadelphia and trained by running the Rocky Steps.

Anderson and Gallows jump Sheamus and Cesaro……with a ladder. Yeah sure why not. Let’s add ANOTHER gimmick to the gimmickiest show ever.

Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

Non-title. Gallagher starts with the headstands in the corner and a rollup for two. Not that it matters as Neville sends him flying with a release German suplex as we take a break. Back with the big headbutt dropping Neville but Jack can’t follow up. With Neville rolling outside, Jack grabs William III and dives off the top for a seated senton but it only seems to annoy Neville (I never liked Mary Poppins either). Neville comes right back with the superplex and the Rings of Saturn for the tap at 7:35.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but they didn’t have the time to do anything like their great match at Fastlane. Gallagher has taken one heck of a hit in recent weeks but that isn’t the most surprising thing in the world. He’s a fun character but I’m not sure what kind of legs he has, at least inside the world of WWE. Let him go somewhere else for vignettes or something but this is only going to carry him so far.

Neville poses but we get Austin Aries News Network breaking news. Aries wants to know who is going to win the Cruiserweight Title match and asks……New Day. Kofi things Aries needs to use his hips and dancing ensues. That’s enough for New Day’s endorsement as Neville looks disgusted.

Al Roker will be guest ring announcer for the Wrestlemania mixed tag. Uh…..yeah I think that speaks for itself.

We look at Goldberg eliminating Lesnar from the Royal Rumble.

Here’s Reigns for his big talk about Undertaker. He was in this building two years ago when he won the Royal Rumble and then went on to main event two straight Wrestlemanias. Roman, sounding rather heelish, doesn’t care what the people say and doesn’t care what Undertaker thinks: this is his building and this is his yard. The gong strikes and Undertaker is on screen in the graveyard.

We see him digging the grave, which is in a special part of the cemetery. At Wrestlemania, the Roman Empire will crumble and the ultimate thrill ride will be Reigns’ Last Ride. Reigns should live each day like its his last because at Wrestlemania, he will…….and there go the lights because Undertaker is in the ring. As he was saying, Reigns will rest in peace. The lights go dim again and Reigns isn’t phased.

Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows

Non-title. Enzo and Cass imitate Allen Iverson’s PRACTICE rant from about seventeen years ago. And never mind as Sheamus and Cesaro attack all four with a ladder.

Women’s History Month video on Maya Angelou.

Kevin Owens doesn’t want to hear about Chris Jericho being his former best friend. Sure he used to be a Jericho fan but he doesn’t want to remember convincing his parents to buy him any more Jericho gear. This Sunday, the ultimate thrill ride is turning into Jericho’s ultimate nightmare.

Long video on HHH vs. Rollins with HHH talking about Rollins collapsing underneath the pressure (meaning his knee injury) and giving up everything he was handed. This gets the big music video treatment and does a good job setting up a very shaky story.

We run down the Wrestlemania card. The Cruiserweight Title is officially on the Kickoff Show.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

Anything goes. If Sami wins he’s in the battle royal but if he loses, he’s fired from Raw. Sami goes after him in the corner and they’re quickly on the floor with Owens shoving Zayn off the barricade when the moonsault slips. Owens gets sent knee first into a wall though and we take a break.

Back with Owens DDTing him onto the steps for two. The Cannonball connects but Owens tries for a second, which is countered into the exploder into the corner. The diving DDT through the ropes spikes Owens into the floor but he blocks the Helluva Kick with a superkick. I do love the KICK HIM IN THE FACE mentality. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two….and here comes Samoa Joe. Before he can get to the ring though, Chris Jericho jumps him from behind, allowing Sami to roll Owens up for the pin at 11:08.

Rating: C+. These two almost start with a better rating by default and then have to work their way down to just average. The interference made sense here as you don’t want to have either of them lose clean (given the stipulations), though I still have no idea why Sami is going into the battle royal. I mean, other than to avoid the show having fourteen matches.

Post match, Jericho chairs Owens down and puts him on the List. It’s really impressive that they waited that long to finally do the big line from Jericho and it worked….mostly.

Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for the big closing segment. Lesnar is the extremist who is going to derail Goldberg’s ultimate thrill ride. The Universal Title is what matters most around here because it’s the one (Heyman: “There’s a number you’re familiar with at Wrestlemania.”) thing that matters more than anything else. Lesnar craves and lusts after that title but more than that he wants to destroy Goldberg.

While Goldberg may be the man, Lesnar is the Beast that will chew him up and spit him out at Wrestlemania. Now we need a reason to get people to buy the show (“Or buy a ticket off a secondary market because Wrestlemania is sold out. Thanks for the house Brock!”) so here it is: Goldberg is going to Suplex City! Lesnar doesn’t fear the spear because Goldberg can’t survive the F5. Here’s Goldberg to say the people are here to see us fight, meaning it’s a spear to Lesnar in the aisle. Lesnar is down on the floor as Goldberg poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show did one major thing: proved that Wrestlemania is going to be exhausting. They covered most of the Raw contributions on here but sweet goodness there’s A LOT to get to. I know it’s the biggest show of the year but there’s easily enough for two full pay per views this time around.

Tonight’s show did a lot of good hyping up some of the matches and that card rundown made me more fired up for the show than I had been so far, but a lot of the matches are going to feel rushed due to the lack of time. Putting 3-4 on the Kickoff Show can help (it’s not like they don’t have the extra time) a lot and I’m hoping they manage to give the show as much of a balance as they can. This was a good enough show (I’m sure the lack of Stephanie isn’t connected) though and it did its job, which is all that matters.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax/Charlotte – Bayley to Belly to Charlotte

Austin Aries b. Noam Dar – Last Chancery

An Over the Top Rope Challenge went to a no contest

Neville b. Jack Gallagher – Rings of Saturn

Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens – Rollup

 

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