Smackdown – June 13, 2017: Money in the Bank Stew

Smackdown
Date: June 13, 2017
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show for Money in the Bank and instead of having a bunch of matches to set up the ladder match, let’s just have one match to set it up! This week it’s a six man tag as the participants try to build momentum, all while having JBL say that none of this actually matters as we head towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

New Day/Breezango vs. Colons/Usos

For those of you counting, this would be fourteen wrestlers in two matches. New Day is played to the ring by a live band for the sake of some New Orleans spirit. Before the match, Woods brags about potentially being cast in a very off Broadway version of Straight Out of Compton. This brings out the Usos to say they’re retaining the titles, only to have Breezango interrupt. They have a different view of the Usos: their day one wasn’t H but rather G, for GROSS. The Colons come out as well to say they have a break in the case. Big E.: “Now hold on sucker!” Threats of violence take us to the first break.

Fandango and Jey start things off but it’s off to Kofi vs. Epico with no offense. The good guys work on Epico’s arm with armdrags and elbows to the arm. A legdrop gives Fandango two but Breeze gets taken into the corner for the beatdown. That lasts all of five seconds before it’s off to Woods, who drops Breeze onto Primo for two. The Honor Roll drops Primo and everything breaks down with the good guys cleaning house to send us to a rather unnecessary break.

Back with Breeze in trouble and Jimmy hitting a running Umaga Attack in the corner. Breeze gets in a kick to the face but Epico dives over for the save. Fandango gets knocked off the apron and Breeze stays in trouble. Some superkicks finally get him out of trouble, followed by a clothesline that makes Epico DDT Primo by mistake (still perhaps the dumbest spot in all of wrestling). The hot tag brings in Woods and then Kofi to clean house as everything breaks down again. Something like a Demolition Decapitator with a stomp instead of an elbow puts Primo away at 14:27.

Rating: D+. This was much more long than good as they were clearly filling in time because they don’t have enough to fill in two hours, mainly thanks to having fourteen people in two matches. That being said, at least this actually had something to do with building momentum as a pinfall here does keep you rolling towards Sunday. I’m assuming Breezango vs. Colons could be added to the Kickoff Show at some point.

Sami Zayn is way too enthusiastic about the upcoming six man tag and talks strategy with AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura. AJ seems a bit disturbed by Sami’s energy. Nakamura: “I like him.” Styles: “You would.”

Mojo Rawley is disappointed in his loss last week and praises Jinder Mahal. Zack Ryder makes his return to encourage his buddy.

Naomi vs. Tamina

Non-title and Lana comes out to watch. Tamina takes her into the corner to start and we’re already into the neck crank. Naomi gets her head crushed in the corner and her kicks are cut off by a shove down. One heck of a clothesline gives Tamina two and it’s back to the chinlock. Naomi fights up with some kicks but walks into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Tamina heads up top but gets slammed down, setting up the split legged moonsault for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: D. The more I watch her, the more I think Tamina has no real reason to be around. She’s not imposing, she doesn’t have anything all that special in the ring and she doesn’t really have a character. She’s a warm body who can fill in a spot and I’d much rather have them develop someone interesting than leave her in there for such uninteresting matches.

Lana jumps Naomi after the match and gives her a sitout spinebuster.

Here’s Jinder Mahal for the big showdown with Randy Orton. After the long entrance, Mahal calls Orton a coward and says this is his era. Orton’s music hits and he comes through the crowd for an RKO. This feud continues to feel like nothing because Mahal feels like nothing, though his delivery has gotten better. He feels like he’s doing all the right things but that doesn’t make up for him having no background.

Owens, Corbin and Ziggler don’t trust each other but they’ll work together.

Randy Orton promises to win the title back.

Charlotte vs. Natalya

Feeling out process to start as we see Becky Lynch watching in the back. We come back from a very early break with Charlotte being thrown shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to do much though as she comes back with something like an exploder suplex, followed by a moonsault which actually connects. Charlotte heads up again but gets powerbombed down for two. A small package gives Natalya the same but it’s Natural Selection to give Charlotte the pin at 7:16.

Rating: C-. The moonsault and powerbomb looked good but if I have to hear them talking about building momentum one more time, I think my head is going to explode. It’s another good example of the one idea that they have going into a show and if you don’t like it, get over it because that’s what WWE has decided is the best thing they can do.

It’s Fashion Files time. Fandango is admiring his pecs and can’t wait to show them off to Breeze. We cut to an unconscious Breeze as the office seems to have been wrecked again. Breeze was attacked by two greasy haired men with one arm. Breeze: “No, two arms!” Fandango draws some stick figures and Tyler says that’s them.

Video on a WWE fan who has survived liver disease.

Lana doesn’t care what people think about her because she can beat Naomi.

Kevin Owens/Dolph Ziggler/Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Sami Zayn/AJ Styles

Non-title of course but MOMENTUM is on the line. Joined in progress with Ziggler being thrown to the ground, only to blast Nakamura with a dropkick. It’s off to Owens with forearms to the back and the heels take turns hammering away. We hit the chinlock for a bit until the hot tag brings in Sami as everything beaks down. Sami hits the flip dive onto Owens but Ziggler DDTs Styles to slow things down again.

We take a break and come back with Sami fighting up and getting clotheslined right back down. Owens’ backsplash hits knees but Corbin headbutts Sami in the chest to keep him in the wrong corner. Sami kicks Corbin in the face and dodges the other two before low bridging Corbin to the floor. Ziggler and Owens pull the partners to the floor though and there’s still no hot tag. A Helluva Kick out of nowhere puts Corbin away at 12:48.

Rating: C. Just a long six man here with the six people doing things to set up Sunday’s ladder match. Sami getting a pin on Corbin makes me more sure that Corbin is going to be the one winning the ladder match because if there’s one thing WWE loves to do, it’s put people down before giving them the big win, thinking it makes up for all the losses. The match was perfectly fine and above all else, Owens didn’t take yet another pin for a change.

Post match Owens brings in the ladder and the brawl breaks out. Corbin gets the better of it until Nakamura gets in a shot. Shinsuke takes everyone else down and climbs up to pull down the briefcase to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was the show that I was dreading and it’s not all that surprising. They went with the “throw everyone together and call it developing the big match” formula here, which isn’t interesting and does nothing for the pay per view. At least it’s done now though, save for the following week when we do the exact same matches and call it fallout. I’m still interested in Sunday’s show, but only because of the ladders instead of the feuds and stories. That’s not good, and shows how ineffective the build to this show has been.

Results

New Day/Breezango b. Usos/Colons – Middle rope double stomp to Primo

Naomi b. Tamina – Split legged moonsault

Charlotte b. Natalya – Natural Selection

Sami Zayn/AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Baron Corbin/Dolph Ziggler/Kevin Owens – Helluva Kick to Corbin

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