Impact Wrestling – November 30, 2017: Help Us Santa
Impact Wrestling
Date: November 30, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash
We’re back to a normal show this week after the Thanksgiving episode last time around. Tonight’s featured attraction is Alberto El Patron vs. Johnny Impact in a match that should probably main event a pay per view if this company had more than two of them a year. Oh and we’ll be getting more footage from outside the promotion. Let’s get to it.
JB is in the back talking to the various women who will be in the Knockouts Title tournament.
We get a mostly silent preview of tonight’s show with only El Patron vs. Impact getting any comments from either.
Knockouts Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Madison Rayne vs. KC Spinelli vs. Laurel Van Ness
They waste no time here with the early rollups, including Laurel spinning Madison around for two. Spinelli breaks it up but spends a bit too long dancing, allowing Madison to take her down. Laurel is back up to deck both of them but gets sent into the corner. A slugout is broken up with a double missile dropkick to give Laurel two each. Madison gets flipped off the top, only to have KC catch Laurel in an electric chair drop for a crash onto Rayne. Back up and something like a jumping Unprettier gives Laurel the pin on KC at 5:47.
Rating: D+. This felt like any given X-Division match: three people who don’t have much of a character (well two don’t at least) doing moves to each other until someone got a pin. On top of that though, there’s the issue of these people fighting to replace Gail Kim, who is nowhere to be seen anymore. It took away a lot of the title’s importance, which really hurts whatever the new champion can get out of this.
We look back at Taiji Ishimori having issues with the Cult of Lee.
Taiji Ishimori vs. Hakim Zane
Ishimori wastes no time, coming in with a springboard seated senton. Zane fights up and kicks Ishimori down as the announcers explain how awesome it is to have all these promotions around. Some double knees to the chest put Zane down though and the 450 is good for the pin at 3:25.
Rating: D+. Similar problem to the first match: why should I care about these guys? This company really needs some extra promo time as I feel like I barely know anyone in most of the matches. Zane won some reality show that you had to watch elsewhere and Ishimori’s character is mostly “he’s awesome in Japan”. Also, is there a reason to have the reality show winner getting squashed?
Post match the Cult of Lee comes in and takes Ishimori out.
James Storm is ready to prove that he’s the real cowboy tonight against Texano. After that, he’s ready to take care of American Top Team.
LAX is ready to take care of OVE and Sami Callihan with various weapons available. Beer is consumed.
From Defy Wrestling in Seattle.
Sami Callihan vs. Randy Myers
I believe Myers was a big deal in the last incarnation of Stampede Wrestling. Joined in progress with Callihan knocking Myers outside and piling a bunch of chairs on top of him. Clipped to Callihan chopping him against the barricade and again to a rollup getting two on Myers back inside. A Batista Bomb gets two more on Myers and we’re clipped again to a slugout. A hard lariat puts Myers away at 3:46 shown. Way too much clipping to give this a rating but it was little more than a squash for Callihan. Side note: I have no idea when this match took place and even Cagematch has never heard of it.
Alberto El Patron is ready to beat the heck out of Johnny Impact. Johnny has gone crying to the bosses of this company to get a fight and now he can’t wait to beat Impact all over Canada. Alberto leaves and we pan over to KM beating up unidentified people while shouting about how that should be enough for American Top Team.
Texano Jr. vs. James Storm
Before the match, American Top Team is walking in the back when KM comes up to ask if that was enough. Dan Lambert says he doesn’t care because they have a cowboy to deal with. Back with the two of them heading outside for a brawl but Texano steals some beer to spit in Storm’s face.
Storm is sent into the barricade and a hiptoss sends him up the ramp. A chinlock with a knee in Storm’s back doesn’t do much good so it’s off to a half crab. The announcers talk about Storm being in a war against AAA and another against ATT. We’re really considering the AAA thing a war? Seriously? Back up and the Eye of the Storm is broken up so Texano can hit a superkick. That goes nowhere though and it’s the Last Call to give Storm the pin at 6:45.
Rating: C-. Is it too late to write to Santa and ask for something more interesting for Christmas? This AAA nonsense hasn’t been any good since it started and the fact that it’s going to be American Top Team after this doesn’t exactly help things. Storm is on his way out and deserves something a little better than this to say the least.
Indeed, the MMA guys come out and beat Storm down as Josh names all of them off in a vain attempt to give us a reason to care. Storm gets in a Last Call on the one in a neck brace and the big beatdown is on. Moose comes out for the save and chairs down one of the fighters. Lambert calls wrestling a circus and says he’s out of bug spray for all the fleas around here. A tag match is proposed for next week: Storm/Moose vs. Lashley/Lambert himself (with Lambert describing himself as the biggest heel in professional wrestling today).
Side note: how worthless of an appearance did Stephan Bonnar have? He showed up, wrecked an MMA gym and then had a horrible match before leaving. Again I’d love an explanation for why it wasn’t just Lashley vs. Moose in the cage at the pay per view. Novelty maybe? The idea that this company doesn’t think anything of its own roster and thinks they need guest stars?
We get a commercial for Park Park and Park law offices, including Joseph’s cousin Chandler, who is better known as indy wrestler Ethan Page.
Here’s the end of Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe from Genesis 2006. That should have been the main event of Bound For Glory 2007 but why waste time when you can make it clear that the former WWE guy is better than one of your best guys? I also wouldn’t point out how much hotter the crowds were eleven years ago.
Johnny Impact calls Alberto a speed bump on the road to the World Title. Tonight, Alberto goes to Slam Town.
Eli Drake and Chris Adonis are ready for Alberto or Johnny. They run into Jimmy Jacobs but nothing is said.
Ethan Carter III comes out for commentary.
Tyson Dux vs. Matt Sydal
Sydal takes him into the ropes to start before hitting a standing legdrop for two. A reverse Muta Lock has Dux holding his knee but Dux kicks at Sydal’s knee to even things out. Dux gets two off a delayed vertical suplex and we hit a Boston crab. That goes nowhere so Sydal kicks him in the face and gets two off a standing moonsault. Dux breaks up the shooting star and grabs a running DDT for two of his own. Sydal’s jumping knee to the face sets up the shooting star (with Dux taking a very long roll over to the corner) for the pin at 5:44.
Rating: C. Dux is hardly a big name but at least Sydal seems to have a story going at the moment against a fellow Impact wrestler. Sydal not being able to win the big one is an interesting idea and giving him the Grand Championship would be a nice way to pay the thing off. It’s certainly better than “hey, he’s from another company”.
Video on Johnny vs. Alberto.
Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron
Alberto wastes no time in taking Johnny down but Johnny pounds him out to the floor without too much effort. A good looking corkscrew dive over the top drops Alberto again. Some kicks to the chest have Johnny in trouble and Alberto throws Johnny’s sunglasses into the crowd. Alberto has a seat on the top rope and is greeted with a WE DON’T LIKE YOU chant. Well at least the fans get to the point. Johnny gets sent over the top in another heap and we take a break.
Back with Alberto in a chinlock after being crushed underneath the steps during the commercial. Alberto misses a top rope ax handle and gets kicked in the face for a double knockdown. Johnny wins a slugout and ducks the corner enziguri. A second kick to the face connects though and Johnny is staggered.
The armbreaker is broken up though and the Flying Chuck drops Alberto for a near fall. Starship Pain is broken up as well and Alberto’s reverse superplex gets two more. Alberto can’t hit the top rope double stomp (good) so Johnny hits one to Alberto’s back for a close two. The Countdown to Impact misses and OF COURSE the ref gets bumped.
A low blow cuts Johnny off but can’t put him away. Instead Alberto ties him in the Tree of Woe and tries to put Johnny’s wrist tape in Johnny’s mouth. That goes nowhere so here’s Drake for a distraction. Alberto decks him with a right hand and belt shot but gets pulled back in by a sitting up Johnny. Starship Pain gives Johnny the pin at 19:53.
Rating: B. It was entertaining but felt like every major Impact match: longer for the sake of being longer and with too many things going on. The ref bump wasn’t necessary and Drake coming down felt like it was there to protect Alberto (which is fine). It also should have been presented on a larger stage but you can’t expect this company to build anything up very well, especially if it’s a top level match like this.
Post match Drake and Adonis beat on Johnny until Petey Williams makes the save to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. And we’re back to the same old problems: matches that feel like they’re taking place because they have nothing else to put on, wrestlers we’ve barely been introduced to in big matches (Spinelli hasn’t actually wrestled a match in this company yet and she’s a win away from a title match) and what felt like a lot of filler. The show wasn’t horrible or even bad, but it’s completely lacking steam or anything that would make me want to keep coming back. They really need to develop some characters though because this has been a problem for a very, very long time. Anyway, good show but lacking a lot.
Results
Laurel Van Ness b. KC Spinelli and Madison Rayne – Unprettier to Spinelli
Taiji Ishimori b. Hakim Zane – 450
Sami Callihan b. Randy Myers – Lariat
James Storm b. Texano – Last Call
Matt Sydal b. Tyson Dux – Shooting star press
Johnny Impact b. Alberto El Patron – Starship Pain
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Hopefully they let Jimmy Jacobs take over the booking. Anything would be an improvement over what they have. They have a nice group of in-ring talent (Moose, OVE, Desmond Xavier, Callihan, Eli Drake, Trevor Lee…) but as you’ve pointed out, they’ve give no reason to care about any of these people. Every taping cycle seems like a reboot. It’s a waste of a lot of potential.