Impact Wrestling – December 7, 2017: This Show Needs A Motivational Speaker

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 7, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

It’s almost time for a new year but first we need to wrap up the old one as we continue Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron. Last week Johnny him in a long showdown but World Champion Eli Drake is looming on the outskirts. We’ll also get more in the Knockouts Title tournament so let’s get to it.

We open with various names, including El Patron, Drake, James Storm and Dan Lambert, promising to take care of whomever they’re mad at this week.

Opening sequence.

Caleb Konley vs. Taiji Ishimori

They hit the mat to start with Konley working a headlock until Taiji throws him outside. The tease of a dive has Konley freaked out but he still manages to send Ishimori face first down for two. A backsplash gives Konley the same and he throws Ishimori outside for some shots from Trevor Lee. Back in and a spinning strike to the face looks to set up a TKO, only to have Ishimori counter into a reverse DDT. The 450 puts Konley away at 6:13.

Rating: C. So the guy from Japan who never talks, has almost no personality and no character other than “he’s awesome and from Japan” (and who does impress in the ring most of the time) beat a boring guy in plain black trunks, likely setting up a match against another boring guy in plain black trunks with longer hair. We don’t have time to learn anything about them though because we might not get to hear about how to make Impact great or Alberto’s half Spanish/half English.

Lee comes in for the post match beatdown but Dezmond Xavier makes the save.

Knockouts Title Tournament First Round: Allie vs. Sienna vs. Rosemary

The winner gets Laurel Van Ness for the title. Sienna bails to the floor to start so the other two go outside and chop away. Back in and Sienna chops on Rosemary before hitting a running hip attack in the corner. Allie and Rosemary are whipped into each other, followed by a clothesline to put Rosemary on the floor.

A kick to the chest staggers Sienna but she’s right back up for a superplex with Rosemary having to make a save. Sienna gets caught in a double armbar for a near submission, only to have Rosemary and Allie let go. That means a slugout (demon vs. Easter egg) until Sienna comes back in and eats a hard German suplex. The Red Wedding gives Rosemary the pin on Sienna at 6:14.

Rating: C-. Just three women doing moves to each other until one of them won. Rosemary vs. Laurel should be fun, even if it seems that Laurel is just a placeholder while Taya Valkyrie has visa issues. Rosemary looked the strongest here so there’s little to complain about, even if it wasn’t thrilling stuff.

Sami Callihan and OVE are in the ring to talk about how much they can’t stand Canada and Mexico. It’s two countries full of nonsense and the feud with LAX continues. This has gone beyond wrestling and is now gang warfare. Callihan brags about Ohio being awesome but some Canadians named TDT (two guys who seem to be from Montreal) come out to issue a challenge. TDT gets the better of it until Sami makes the save with a kendo stick. Some chairs are loaded up in the middle but LAX makes the save. OVE bails in short order.

Allie is upset when she runs into Gail Kim, who says Allie didn’t let her down.

Clip of Christopher Daniels vs. Senshi from Lockdown 2006.

KM beats up a bunch of people in a gym to prove himself to American Top Team.

LAX is ready to get the titles back.

Eli Drake and Chris Adonis are ready for Petey Williams and Johnny Impact tonight.

Grand Championship: Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Sydal

Sydal is challenging. They circle each other to start with little contact in the first thirty seconds. Ethan’s headlock goes nowhere so he shoulders him down to take over for the first time. That earns Ethan a kick to the head, followed by a standing moonsault for two. Ethan hammers him down without too much trouble though and sends Sydal outside. Back in and a delayed vertical suplex ends round one, with Carter getting the win.

Round two stats fast with Sydal stomping and chopping away, only to be sent into the corner for some stomps from the champ. We hit the cravate for a good bit until Sydal fights up with more kicks. A suplex of his own gets two and we wrap up round two with Sydal tying it up.

Carter gets in a cheap shot to end the round though and Sydal starts slowly, allowing Ethan to hit a hard sitout powerbomb for two. Sydal’s double knees from the top give him the save, followed by a side roll and another near fall. Sydal bolts up top but the shooting star is broken up. A superplex is broken up so Sydal tries another shooting star, which only hits mat. They hit a double clothesline and that’s the end of the round. After a break, the third round is…..a draw, meaning it’s a tie at 9:00. Guest judge Fallah Bahh gave the third vote.

Rating: C+. I liked the match more and these two have chemistry together but the round system is still getting annoying. I’m not sure why they’re keeping that system around and it’s not like anything is really being made better because of it. Just let it be a match with a ten (yes ten, not nine) minute time limit like fans want. But hey, let’s be different instead of logical.

Long clip of James Storm vs. Bobby Roode from Bound For Glory 2012. That was a great match.

Park Park and Park ad. The intentionally low budget is awesome.

Bobby Lashley/Dan Lambert vs. James Storm/Moose

Lambert is wrestling barefoot and American Top Team is at ringside. Storm and Lashley start things off with an early Sling Blade taking Lashley down. Moose comes in for a backsplash (because everyone has to use a backsplash these days) but a Lambert distraction lets Lashley take him down.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Moose gets in a spear. That means a hot tag to Storm as Lashley has no one to tag. The American Top Team member in the neck brace comes in so Moose bicycle kicks him down and tosses him onto the pile at ringside. The distraction lets Lashley spear Storm down so Lambert can get the pin at 5:25.

Rating: D. I’m so sick of this stupid feud and the MMA guys being presented as anything more than a novelty. I have no idea why they’re being brought in all the time for the sake of just being warm bodies but I’m sure it’s something about cross promotion or whatever. Bad match too, but that’s the case with these guys more often than not.

Lashley isn’t happy with Lambert but shakes his hand anyway.

Johnny Impact and Petey Williams are ready for the main event. Alberto better keep his nose out of this too.

Ad for the finals of the Knockout tournament, which is nowhere near as epic as they’re making it out to be. It was a pair of triple threats and a singles match, not Wrestlemania IV.

Chris Adonis/Eli Drake vs. Johnny Impact/Petey Williams

Johnny and Chris start things off with Impact being run over but nipping back up. Eli accidentally shoulders Adonis in the corner and we get the drop toehold into the crotch as we take a break. Back with Drake hitting a backbreaker on Williams and bringing Adonis back in for a knee to the spine. The double stomping ensues and Drake gets two off a jumping elbow (with some finger poking included).

Petey finally snaps off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a belly to back slam to give Adonis two instead. Williams rolls away and makes a hot tag to Johnny though as everything breaks down. A standing shooting star gets two on Adonis and the flip neckbreaker gets the same. Petey comes back in with a slingshot Codebreaker to Drake but gets caught in the Adonis Lock. Johnny makes the save with a Flying Chuck, followed by Starship Pain for the pin on Adonis at 13:23.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag here that continues to show the value of having a lackey like Adonis who can take fall after fall like this and be fine. Drake vs. Impact vs. Alberto isn’t exactly thrilling but at least there’s something there. I hope we don’t have to go with Alberto as champion again though as I don’t think I can handle that level of indifference again.

Post match Alberto runs in and sends Drake into the post. A DDT onto the title ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. If I had to sum up this promotion in one statement, it would be lack of effort. So many of the stories here feel like the idea is “you people go out there and do this”. End of direction, end of idea, end of motivation. Maybe if we didn’t have to show classic clips or hear from KM and LAX (Why are so many people on this show either an acronym or initials?) or talk about mixed martial arts being so freaking awesome, we could get some of these people some promo time so we can have a chance to care about them. The show wasn’t the worst but it’s still lacking energy and that’s very bad as well.

Results

Taiji Ishimori b. Caleb Konley – 450

Rosemary b. Sienna and Allie – Red Wedding to Sienna

Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Sydal went to a draw

Bobby Lashley/Dan Lambert b. James Storm/Moose – Spear to Storm

Johnny Impact/Petey Williams b. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Starship Pain to Adonis

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