Impact Wrestling – September 6, 2018: Those Dummies
IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling
Impact Wrestling
Date: September 6, 2018
Location: Rebel Sports Complex, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews
Things are getting interesting around here again as we now have a three headed monster on top of the promotion. Last week Moose joined forces with Austin Aries and Killer Kross as the trio beat down Eddie Edwards. That means that Eddie is going to need some help in this fight and that could be anyone. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
The opening recap looks at Cage retaining the X-Division Title over Fenix and beating up OVE, the LAX issues, Tessa Blanchard winning the Knockouts Title and the Edwards issues.
Opening sequence.
Petey Williams vs. Rich Swann
Rematch from last week and Matt Sydal is on commentary. Swann dances to start and offers Petey the chance to retaliate but gets rolled up instead. A drop toehold puts Swann in the ropes for a dropkick to the back but O Canada is reversed into a German suplex out of the corner. Swann gets shoved to the floor for a slingshot hurricanrana but it’s way too early for the Canadian Destroyer. The lifting Downward Spiral works a little better but Swann reverses another Destroyer attempt.
A Lethal Injection gives Swann two but Petey takes the leg out and grabs the Sharpshooter. Sydal says pain is just a state of mind as Swann makes the rope. Petey hits a Russian legsweep into a crucifix but Swann is right back up with a shooting star press for two of his own. Williams bails to avoid the middle rope Phoenix splash so Swann kicks him in the head. It’s Phoenix splash time but Sydal sits on the ramp for a distraction, allowing the Destroyer to finish Swann at 7:52.
Rating: C-. Every week I watch these non-Cage X-Division matches and I try to not lose even more interest in everyone involved. That’s not working as Sydal and Williams aren’t doing a thing for me and haven’t in a long time. Swann is a little better but that’s not exactly saying much. The match was fine but the characters and story aren’t there.
Post break Sydal tells Swann that he’s trying to help him but Swann tells him to stay away.
Desi Hit Squad vs. Joe Hendry/Grado
Hendry’s new song is about his platonic love with Katarina. Raju gets elbowed down to start and the good guys dance into a double elbow drop. Hendry suplexes him for the same but Grado walks into a neckbreaker. A legsweep gives Singh two but he charges into a boot in the corner, allowing the hot tag off to Hendry. Everything breaks down and Hendry hits the fall away slam on both of them at once. Callis: “Even Grado couldn’t screw this up!” Grado proceeds to miss a cannonball, setting up a wind-up knee into the Sky High to give Singh the pin at 5:00.
Rating: D. As usual, it’s a bad sign when the match being short is the best thing about it. Grado is much more acceptable in small doses and Hendry has all the makings of a midcard star but the Hit Squad is just so average and mediocre that it’s hard to watch them. Now just get Hendry away from this mess and see what he can do. The songs alone will give him a spot for as long as he wants it.
Post match Katarina yells at Grado for losing and says she loves Hendry. She goes to kiss him but Hendry says Grado is his best friend so Katarina is out. That earns Hendry a slap as my head hurts all over again. Dang it we were this close to that story being done.
Post break Hendry and Grado laugh a lot.
Classic Clip of the Week: Bully Ray wins the World Title at Lockdown 2013.
Video on Su Yung vs. Tessa Blanchard set to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, which is far more eerie than you might think. Of note: Tessa first appears on the word “diamond”, which is the kind of little touch that makes these things that much better.
Bob sings to Scarlett Bordeaux when KM and Fallah Bahh come in to thank her for helping them. She flirts with them a bit and they have an idea.
Here’s Eli Drake for a chat. Drake talks about all the dummies around lately, like those two last week that took the Gravy Train. Let’s see if anyone who can come out here and impress him. Cue Stone Rockwell, an Indiana Jones style character from a show on the Impact Twitch channel. Drake wants to hear about his latest adventure but cuts him off. Rockwell wants to be a World Champion so Drake wants to get him off to a hot start.
Eli Drake vs. Stone Rockwell
Gravy Train in 12 seconds. I’m not sure where this is leading but Drake is always entertaining.
The Lucha Bros invite Cage to team with them again OVE and Sami Callihan but they’re fine if he doesn’t.
Aries, Moose and Kross are in the back and throw an interviewer out. Alisha Edwards comes in and the trio leaves.
Knockouts Title: Su Yung vs. Tessa Blanchard
Tessa is defending and grabs a very early rollup. The Panic Switch is broken up but Tessa has to bail from the bloody glove. Tessa: “SHE’S CRAZY!” Back in and Su throws her around a few times but gets her legs tied up in a modified Indian Deathlock. The running dropkick to the back gives Tessa two and a hanging DDT out of the corner rocks Yung again. Tessa can’t bring a chair in so she sits it down, only to be knocked into said chair.
Yung cannonballs her off the apron to knock Tessa out of the chair in a big crash. Back in and Yung takes her to the top, only to get pulled back down with a super cutter (supposed to be a neckbreaker but close enough). Back from a break with Tessa firing off right hands but getting hurricanranaed into the corner. The Panic Switch is broken up again and the hammerlock DDT retains Tessa’s title at 12:40.
Rating: C. Tessa was extra aggressive here and that’s something she needs to do every now and then. The point of her character is that she knows she’s better than everyone else so having her show what she’s capable of doing when she needs to makes her seem all the more dangerous. Yung losing again isn’t a good sign for her, as she doesn’t exactly have the best record.
Post match the Undead Bridesmaids bring out a casket with Tessa’s name on it. Yung jumps her from behind and hits the Panic Switch. Allie and Kiera Hogan run out for the save. Thankfully Tessa gets up and yells at the two of them as turning Tessa face would be a really bad idea.
Time for your weekly reminder that Impact will indeed be in Mexico for tapings next week.
Cage doesn’t like Sami Callihan and OVE. He’s the Machine and will take them apart.
Konnan and King go to see their bosses, who aren’t happy over the kid being run over two weeks ago. Konnan blames King, who says he can’t believe the hypocrisy around here. Everyone is against him and he did what has to be done to make money. It was ok when Konnan and the bosses did it but not when King does the same? The bosses say there’s a ceasefire until October 14 in New York City (at Bound For Glory). There will be a six man final war with Konnan getting involved too. King won’t shake hands.
The announcers preview next week’s card.
Zachary Wentz/Ace Austin/Trey Miguel vs. OVE
OVE cleans house to start but Wentz knees Callihan in the face. A big flip dive takes the villains out and Miguel dives onto everyone else. Fans: “THIS IS IMPACT!” Egads that’s bad even for a wrestling chant. Back in and Jake kicks Miguel in the face a few times before handing it off to Dave. Everything breaks down and Austin gets kicked in the head, sending him into a hanging Downward Spiral. The All Seeing Eye finishes Austin at 3:44.
Rating: C-. Well it was certainly energetic, which is more than you would have expected out of a short squash. OVE has grown on me a lot and while I’m still not big on them, they’re far better than they used to be. The jobbers all looked good here and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of them in the future.
Post match Callihan piledrives Austin and says they’re the best trio in the world today. Their war with Fenix and Pentagon will never end and if Cage wants in, bring it on.
Here are Aries, Kross and Moose (in a very shiny shirt) so the latter can explain himself. Aries introduces Moose as Moose Money, which is going to need some time to sink in. Moose says Eddie is a fraud because he was the one who had Eddie’s back through everything. When Moose was in the hospital with a concussion, Kross and Aries were the only ones who cared.
Moose thanks Aries for being the greatest man who ever lived and Aries thanks Moose for listening. No one is taking the World Title but here’s Johnny Impact to interrupt. Aries agrees that Impact is a nobody but says that while Impact looks the part, Aries is the part. Impact announces that he’s getting the World Title shot at Bound For Glory but Aries wants to do it right now.
Johnny is smarter than that and, after plugging Boone the Bounty Hunter, asks Aries to come fight out here. An insult to bananas brings Aries onto the ramp but the numbers take Impact down. Kross chokes him out and Aries adds a Figure Four. With Impact out, Aries Pillmanizes his throat against the post to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This was a little weaker than some of the previous shows, mainly with the not so great wrestling and the storylines that aren’t the best in the first place. It’s not a terrible show or anything but it’s a show that didn’t do anything for me and nothing on it is really interesting or memorable. The build for Bound For Glory could be good though and that’s the more important thing going forward.
Results
Petey Williams b. Rich Swann – Canadian Destroyer
Desi Hit Squad b. Joe Hendry/Grado – Sky High to Grado
Eli Drake b. Stone Rockwell – Gravy Train
Tessa Blanchard b. Su Yung – Hammerlock DDT
OVE b. Zachary Wentz/Ace Austin/Trey Miguel – All Seeing Eye to Austin
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I’ve seen all three of the guys OVE squashed on the indies at various points, they’ve all got some great potential, especially Wentz, who is basically like if you took someone the size of Matt Sydal and gave them the mobility of John Morrison. He’s nuts.