Smackdown – May 20, 2004: Someone Help Him
IMG Credit: WWE
Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2004
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
Here are Sunday’s results if you need a recap.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Eddie, in what looks to be a card from the 1930s, though of course with hydraulics included. He’s also got a duffle bag for a bonus. The fans are very glad to see him and…..OH MY GOODNESS THAT’S THE CUT ON HIS HEAD!!! I thought that was his hair being out of place because that’s the longest cut I’ve ever seen on a wrestler. Or on almost anyone for that matter.
Eddie says he was hurt on Sunday but he’s feeling better now that he’s in Las Vegas. JBL may have taken his blood on Sunday but Eddie is still WWE Champion. He’s also got a souvenir in the bag and it’s JBL’s cowboy hat, which is covered in his blood. Since that’s his blood, Eddie figures it’s not his hat and he can do whatever he wants with it. Eddie even has a stock tip for JBL. He should invest in bandages because tonight, they’re having a fight and it’s JBL’s turn to bleed.
Cue JBL, who is bandaged up as well. JBL makes sure he has it clear: he can have another title match tonight? Eddie: “Did you get too much blood in your ear holmes?” JBL says no and brags about winning on Sunday, so fighting Eddie again tonight is an unnecessary gamble. He didn’t become a millionaire by gambling because that’s how lazy people look for a quick buck.
Instead, Eddie needs to come down the aisle and hand over that WWE Championship. Eddie says he’ll hand JBL a beating but here’s Kurt Angle to cut them off. Kurt: “Well it’s official. Everybody has lost their minds.” Eddie isn’t allowed to make matches around here and he’s certainly not getting a rematch with JBL because he just wants to get himself disqualified again. JBL isn’t getting the title either, but tonight we’ll have JBL and the Dudleys vs. Eddie, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam in a six man tag.
Rico/Charlie Haas vs. FBI
Non-title and it’s Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. Rico is the hometown boy and Jackie is….well my goodness and we’ll leave it at that. Charlie and Johnny start things off and Rico offers a quick spank from the apron. Apparently not a fan, Johnny press slams him but gets rolled up for two instead. Rico comes in legally and takes Johnny down into an armbar, complete with a little wiggling. It’s off to Nunzio, who comes in and gets spanked for his efforts.
Rico does it again so Nunzio takes him down and rams Rico’s head into the mat a few times. The FBI manages to screw up their advantage as Johnny can’t hit a clothesline even while Nunzio has Rico’s foot. Instead it’s the hot tag to Charlie to start cleaning house. Jackie grabs Nunzio’s foot so he tries to kiss her but gets Rico instead. In his search for mouthwash, Nunzio gets German suplexed for the pin.
Rating: D. It takes a lot to have Rico and Charlie seem lifeless but the FBI pulled it off. This wasn’t interesting or fun and you can tell the team is starting to run out of gas. That being said, there was no reason to believe Rico and Haas were going to be around for very long so you can probably bet on them losing the titles soon. This was pretty bad, though maybe it was just the FBI.
Stills of Chavo Guerrero Jr. regaining the Cruiserweight Title.
Tonight, Chavo defends the Cruiserweight Title against Spike Dudley and his father. Chavo Classic says he might win but Chavo doesn’t want to hear it because this is his time. So tell me: why couldn’t Spike have done the exact same story that Jacqueline did? How is it that much different?
Billy Kidman vs. Akio
The bell rings but here’s Mordecai, with the full entrance, to wreck them both instead. Fair enough, as the match didn’t exactly sound thrilling.
JBL gets his head examined and tells the doctor to not believe anything Eddie tells him. Wouldn’t that likely be the same doctor who stitched Eddie up in the first place? Eh just give him a z-pak and he’ll be fine.
US Title: Rene Dupree vs. John Cena
Cena is defending in a rematch from Sunday where he beat Dupree. They lock up to start with Cena throwing him off and Rene isn’t sure what to do. A shoulder works a bit better for Dupree but Cena is right back up with a slam for two. Cena slaps on a rare chinlock before stereo crossbodies put both guys down.
Back from a break with Cena going shoulder first into the post and falling to the floor. Dupree starts in on the shoulder and takes him down by the arm for two. The Fujiwara armbar goes on and it’s a long crawl for Cena to make the ropes. A regular armbar keeps the arm in trouble but Cena fights up with some backdrops.
Cena uses the good arm to pound away at Dupree’s face and they fight to the floor. Dupree can’t powerbomb him on the floor so Cena hits another backdrop and heads back inside. They go back out almost immediately (pick something already) and Dupree grabs the French flag. Cena takes it away and breaks it over his knee but Dupree kicks him low and wins via countout.
Rating: D+. It was worse than their pay per view match and that’s not a good sign given the extra time. There wasn’t the same level of efforts here and that showed badly this time around. I’m still not sure how many people buy Dupree as a challenger to the title but it’s not like Cena has anyone else to fight. I mean, Booker T. is busy jobbing to Undertaker, so who else is there already on that level?
Post match Dupree lays him out again and busts out the French Tickler, which is a great name for such an obnoxious dance.
We see/hear the chair shot to Eddie’s head on Sunday. Thankfully we don’t see the crazy gory blade job up close again.
Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley
Chavo Jr. is defending. Spike gets double teamed to start, which even the announcers knew was coming. Classic gets sent outside though and Spike stomps away in the corner. The double teaming picks up again though until Jr. is fine enough to look at the crowd while his dad does the work. Classic tries a rollup on Spike for two but Jr. misses a splash in the corner. A high crossbody takes down both Guerreros and there’s the Dudley Dog to Jr. Classic comes back in and collides with Spike though, only to call on Jr. to win the title.
Rating: D. Nothing match of course and the “shock value” of the ending doesn’t exactly earn them a lot of points. The title takes another hit here as it goes into its fourth reign in two weeks, all in the name of “comedy”. It would have been easier to accept this without the Jacqueline reign but two joke wins in two weeks is too much to take.
Jr. is rightfully furious at his dad, who is too busy celebrating.
Raw ReBound of another good show.
Funaki interviews Booker T., who doesn’t want to hear this nonsense about being afraid of Undertaker. See, Undertaker cheated at Judgment Day because Paul Bearer must have switched the magic bag. Since Undertaker isn’t here tonight, Booker can have any match he wants. Maybe the WWE Title? Or the US Title? Nah he’ll beat up Funaki instead, so Funaki punches him and runs off.
Booker T. vs. Funaki
Booker pounds away to start so Funaki dropkicks the knee out to set up a bulldog. That just earns him a superkick as Booker isn’t having any of this tonight. The fans chant for Undertaker as Booker scores with a side slam, only to run into a boot in the corner. Another shot to the face busts Funaki’s nose open and we hit the chinlock. Booker gets bored with that and finishes with the ax kick.
Rating: D-. Was there any reason for this match to go on this long? The match was pretty much a squash and went on for the better part of five minutes. I mean….it’s Funaki, who is barely even a wrestler anymore. It also doesn’t help that Booker looks bored out of his mind at the moment, but if this is the best they have for him, is it that surprising?
Next week: Cena vs. Dupree for the title in a lumberjack match.
JBL has attacked Eddie, who is unconscious.
Kenzo Suzuki is still coming.
John Bradshaw Layfield/Dudley Boyz vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam
There’s no Eddie to start, likely because he’s still recovering from losing that much blood. Here’s Angle to say Eddie can’t wrestle and since Angle can win a gold medal with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK, Eddie can join in on the match when he gets up from his siesta. D-Von and Rey start but Bubba comes in and jumps him from behind, which is the same as a tag it seems.
JBL comes in and stomps away but Rey kicks at the legs and then the face to build some momentum. The sitout bulldog drops D-Von and it’s off to D-Von, who gets taken down by a JBL neck snap across the ropes. Some swinging neckbreakers keep Rob in trouble as the fans think Bradshaw sucks. The slow paced beatdown continues with JBL hitting a shoulder and elbow drop for two. Rob gets in a springboard kick to the face and there’s the hot tag to Rey.
A headscissors into a dropkick lets Rey Drop the Dime for two as everything breaks down. Van Dam flip dives onto both Dudleys and Rey hurricanranas JBL into the 619. The Five Star connects but Ray pulls Mysterio out as we take a break. Back with Mysterio in trouble thanks to a 3D on the floor to Van Dam. Rey hits a springboard into a reverse DDT but Bubba goes over to Rey’s corner in a clever idea.
D-Von hits a delayed vertical suplex (he’s stronger than you might think) and it’s back to JBL for more of that great offense. The abdominal stretch goes on but here’s Eddie, who can barely walk down the aisle. Eddie is so livid that he stands on the apron while JBL is smart enough to not let go of the hold. Of all people, JBL is smart enough to figure that out?
Rey gets in a dropkick but Bubba isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A little too much trash talk allows Rey to get his feet up in the corner and there’s the tag to Eddie. Right hands and Three Amigos have the Dudleys down but Eddie collapses. His eyes are open as everyone stops doing anything, so JBL again gets smart by stealing the pin.
Rating: C+. Well we certainly know the power of the 3D on the floor as Van Dam disappeared after taking it. The ending was fine enough as Eddie keeps fighting but is trying to do too much and collapsing under the pressure as his body gives out. The others are just kind of there, as you could put the titles on the Dudleys but who are supposed to challenge them? The lack of star power is killing this show and it’s becoming more obvious every week.
Medics check on Eddie to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The main event was ok but my goodness the rest of the show is such a disaster. The wrestling is uninspired, the stories aren’t interesting and the new stars aren’t exactly clicking (What does it say when Rene Dupree is one of the top prospects?). It’s just a dark time for the show and it seems to be getting even worse as the weeks go by. Eddie is doing as much as he can to carry this show on his back and it’s clearly not working. That’s not on Eddie, who can only do so much with so little around him.
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