Impact Wrestling – March 8, 2019: Keep Moving Forward
IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2019
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews
I’m not sure what to expect this week as we have the latest round in the main event four way feud, which hasn’t been great so far but last week offered a bit of a twist with Johnny Impact injuring his neck. Other than that we have the in-ring debut of Scarlett Bordeaux, which screams screwy angle. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
Preview/recap.
Opening sequence.
Rich Swann vs. Ethan Page
Non-title. Swann starts with his flip over Page and scores with a dropkick, only to get punched into the ropes. A reverse implant DDT gets two and a backbreaker makes things even worse for Swann. Page stops to pose again but it doesn’t seem to matter as he’s fine enough to stomp away in the corner.
A running flip neckbreaker gets Swann out of trouble and sets up the running flip dive to the floor. Swann’s frog splash (heck of a good one too) gets two but he gets crotched on top, setting up a Snowplow for two. They trade forearms, punches and kicks to the face until Swann hits a long string of them, setting up a Lethal Injection. The middle rope Phoenix splash finishes Page at 8:01.
Rating: C+. This is the kind of opener I can get behind. They didn’t stay out there too long but had enough time to put on an entertaining match with both guys getting to show off. Swann is becoming a bigger and bigger star around here and Page has put on consistently good matches for weeks now.
Post match here’s OVE to address Swann again. This is the night that Swann finally joins OVE because Swann has said that Sami Callihan is family. Swann puts on the shirt and the team poses, leaving Swann to lay the three of them out and bail in a scene that worked for Diamond Dallas Page in 1997 and works for Swann here.
LAX asks Konnan to get their rematch for the Tag Team Titles. Konnan says let him do his job and watch the Lucha Bros vs. the Rascalz.
The announcers recap last week’s injuries to Brian Cage and Johnny Impact.
The annoying interviewer tried to talk to Cage and got thrown out.
Ace Austin vs. Jake Atlas
Austin loves cards and maybe some slight of hand magic. Atlas’ wristlock doesn’t work to start and it’s Austin rolling forward with a legsweep and kick to the back. A bicycle kick gives Atlas one and Austin is right back with a double springboard kick to the face. Something like Murphy’s Law takes Austin down for two but he stomps Atlas down and hits a running Blockbuster (the Fold) for the pin at 3:29.
Rating: C-. Atlas got in a lot of offense here but Austin has the charisma and style to make him look like a star. I’ve seen him before and he’s got everything he needs to be a big deal. As usual it depends on how Impact handles him, which has been a hit or miss set of results over the years.
Johnny Impact, in a neck brace, and Taya Valkyrie join us via satellite for an interview with the annoying reporter (this guy has to be a rib on someone). Cage is getting his title shot no matter how bad Johnny’s neck is.
Reno Scum wants a rematch with KM and Fallah Bahh.
Here’s Alisha Edwards for a chat. Her contract expires at the end of this month and she has some decisions to make. She enjoys hitting people with kendo sticks but maybe it’s time to start a family. Cue the Desi Hit Squad with Rohit Raju saying it’s time for a woman to make some sense. Having a family is her job and women need to stay out of the ring. Alisha slaps Gama Singh and here’s Eddie Edwards to clean house with Kenny. The Squad beats him down but Eli Drake makes a rather slow save.
Cage isn’t happy with the reporter, who shows him a clip of something that gets on Cage’s nerves even worse.
Eddie thanks Eli but isn’t interested in going after the Tag Team Titles. Alisha says Eli is all Eddie has left so take what you can get. Eddie agrees to team up against the Desi Hit Squad next week. The one thing I get out of this: Alisha shouldn’t be talking.
GWN Flashback Moment of the Week: Jeremiah Snake (Sami Callihan) vs. Eddie Edwards from last year’s Impact vs. Lucha Underground show.
Moose and Killer Kross are happy with injuring Impact and Cage. They should both get title shots and if they don’t get them, it means more pain.
The Rascalz talk about getting superpowers from a robot. They talk about wearing masks and mock Moose’s pink sports coat.
Su Yung/Undead Maid of Honor/Allie vs. Rosemary/Jordynne Grace/Kiera Hogan
This is the Dark War (meaning it’s fought under a red light) for Allie’s soul and I’d assume anything goes here. James Mitchell is at ringside to make things all the more evil. It’s a brawl to start until we settle down to tagging, because that’s what you do in a War. Kiera throws Yung around to start and we get the Allie vs. Rosemary showdown. At least I think we do as I can barely see what’s going on here.
Grace comes in for a heck of a release German suplex on Allie to give Kiera two but Yung offers a distraction. That’s enough for Allie to snap off a cutter and we take a break. Back with Allie clotheslining Kiera down for two, followed by the slow stomping in the corner. Su grabs an armtrap choke on Kiera but it’s back to Allie, who gets kicked in the head. The hot tag brings in Rosemary for the big showdown and everything breaks down. Rosemary drops Allie and it’s the parade of secondary finishers. Yung mists the Maid by mistake and a spear gives Rosemary the pin on Yung at 11:54.
Rating: D+. This was a run of the mill six woman tag, which isn’t what you expect from a match billed as the Dark War. I was having more problems telling who was who in the whole thing and that made for a pretty disappointing story. To be fair though, that was the case with the entire story as Allie going evil was a complete disappointment from almost every side.
Post match Rosemary puts Allie on a leash and drags her away, launching a thousand fanfics in the process.
Glenn Gilbertti is still trying to figure out what he’s doing and Konnan sends him to yell at Don Callis. A fight is teased but it’s Killer Kross instead. The lights go out and screaming ensues.
Back from a break with Gilbertti hearing Vince Russo’s voices and looking for Callis. He thinks he finds Cody and the Young Bucks but is mistaken again. Scott D’Amore says Callis is on commentary because that’s his job. Gilbertti is NOT wanted for commentary but comes to the desk anyway.
Josh Matthews brings out Scarlett Bordeaux for her first match, though I’m not sure if the full body suit and heels are the best attire. The talent search made sense because those people were all falling over themselves so they weren’t going to be a success in the ring. Gilbertti was the biggest disaster though, which draws him into the ring for some yelling. Gilbertti: “You know what’s going to happen if you wrestle. You’re going to suck.” She slaps him in the face and a challenge is thrown out. Gilbertti tells her to spend a week cooking, but Scarlett promises to make him her b**** next week.
Rosemary tells Kiera and Jordynne to leave because she’ll take care of Allie from here. Kiera isn’t happy but Jordynne says she’s good now.
Tessa Blanchard is in a #1 contenders match next week and is willing to beat Grace if she has to. It’s all just punishment for taking out Gail Kim.
Rascalz vs. Lucha Bros
Non-title with Dezmond Xavier and Zachary Wentz for the Rascalz. Xavier and Fenix start things off and they circle each other for the first minute. A kick to the ribs has Fenix in some short lived trouble but the Bros start firing off the kicks, including a superkick to Wentz on the floor. Back in and the Codebreaker/top rope double stomp to the back combination sets up the wheelbarrow splash for two on Xavier.
Some right hands and elbows get Xavier out of trouble long enough for a tag off to Wentz and a handspring knee to the head hits Pentagon. Back up and Pentagon kicks Wentz’s leg out on the ropes but Xavier is right there with the big flip dive (launched by Wentz to make it even better) onto both Bros. Wentz’s Swanton into the Final Flash from Xavier gets two on Pentagon, leaving Fenix and Xavier to slug it out again. Pentagon is back up though and it’s a superkick into the Pentagon Driver to finish Wentz at 7:48.
Rating: B-. I could have gone for more of this and that’s a good way to end a show. The big thing here was the Rascalz hanging with the champs and looking good in a match they weren’t going to win. The Lucha Bros are going to have another match with LAX and then Rob Van Dam and Sabu (because reasons) so there wasn’t any doubt here. It was still fun while it lasted though as the Rascalz have become some of my favorites around here in a hurry.
The Bros go to the back where they run into Konnan. They ask him (in Spanish with subtitles and then English because wrestling reasons) to tell LAX not to mess with their masks because that’s not what men do. Konnan tries to calm things down and says LAX wants a rematch. That’s not happening because it’s too soon (fair) but Konnan says he’s not asking. Next time he sees the champs, they better have a date.
Overall Rating: C+. It was a good show overall with some nice wrestling including a strong main event, but there was no way around that Dark War being such a terrible result. You call it a war and don’t even have it hardcore? The storytelling worked well in spots and that’s where Impact does best. Nice show here as they keep moving forward in the right direction.
Results
Rich Swann b. Ethan Page – Phoenix splash
Ace Austin b. Jake Atlas – The Fold
Rosemary/Jordynne Grace/Kiera Hogan b. Su Yung/Undead Maid of Honor/Allie – Spear to Yung
Lucha Bros b. Rascalz – Pentagon Driver to Wentz
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