Monday Night Raw – July 26, 1999: You Mean They Can Do It?
IMG Credit: WWE
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 26, 1999
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re a night removed from Fully Loaded where Steve Austin retained the WWF Title over the Undertaker in a first blood match, meaning Vince McMahon is gone FOREVER (yes FOREVER) from TV. The other big story saw HHH become the new #1 contender by defeating the Rock, which I’m sure will go nowhere. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
We open with the stills of last night’s main event as X-Pac interfered to cost Undertaker the match, getting rid of Vince for….eh I’ll give it a week.
JR: “Tonight, a new era begins on Raw.” I don’t want to imagine Vince Russo’s idea of a new era.
Opening sequence.
We cut to the back where Undertaker beats up X-Pac, plus Road Dogg for attempting to make a save. Undertaker drags X-Pac into the arena and chokes in the ring until Kane (looking rather slim) comes out for the save. This brings out Big Show and the numbers are too much for Kane, so the fans chant for Austin. The beatdown goes on for a good while as the WE WANT AUSTIN chants continue. Undertaker and Show shake hands and leave because we have a new evil alliance.
A long black limousine arrives and….it’s Vince, less than eight minutes into the show.
Chef Boyardee ad with the Rock, set to Gettin Cheffy With It. I remember this and it’s every bit as 1999 as you can get. In a good way.
During the break, Kane did a Darth Vader Revenge of the Sith scream before carrying X-Pac off. It must be a masked guy thing.
X-Pac is taken away in an ambulance.
Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Acolytes
Edge and Christian are challenging after the Acolytes won the titles last night. Hardcore Holly is guest ring announcer after the Acolytes attacked him last week. Holly: “Weighing in at a total combined weight of let’s say about a buck and a quarter, and that’s with Christian’s legs wrapped in Ace bandages to make them look bigger!” Christian and Faarooq start things off but since we can’t go that long without an angle, we’re told that Ken Shamrock has been hit by a car.
Christian spinwheel kicks Faarooq and hands it off to Edge, who gets headlocked by Bradshaw. A flying shoulder works a bit better on Bradshaw and the Canadian tagging continues, though Christian gets kicked in the face. It’s off to Faarooq without a tag but the Dominator is countered with a DDT. Edge comes in as everything breaks down, with Christian taking a fall away slam. Cue Gangrel to pull Christian to safety, leaving Edge to take a double powerbomb to retain the titles.
Rating: D+. This was a shockingly coherent match for the era, even with the extra angle thrown in as a bonus. Edge and Christian were clearly very talented but had a little ways to go before they figured everything out. The Acolytes were still a good heel team here and there’s always some value in a team that physically dominant.
Holly declares himself the winner and goes after both Acolytes, earning himself a double spinebuster. Cue Kane to chokeslam everyone in sight before using the voice box to threaten Undertaker and Big Show. They hurt Sean so tonight he’s going to hurt them.
Shamrock has a bad arm but walks away from the EMTs. We see a clip of Shamrock being run over, which of course happened as X-Pac was leaving because coincidences are strong around here. Steve Blackman was driving.
Vince is in the arena.
Austin arrives, meaning JR thinks business is about to pick up.
Here’s Vince, without music, for the big address. He’s not here to break a promise and not to breach a contract. Instead he’s here to honor a promise and a contract, because he’s never lied to anyone. Last night, he failed for the first time in his life. He took two Stunners and the show ended with him laid out in a pool of beer. That’s not how fans want to remember him so tonight he’s here for a more formal farewell.
The fans aren’t exactly appreciative as Vince says he wants to be remembered as a handsome entrepreneur who had a lasting impact on our lives. This brings out Austin, which was just a matter of time. Vince says they seem to be far apart but in reality, they’re very much alike. No matter what happens, Vince will always consider himself to be the better man. Vince even offers his hand but Austin says that’s not happening after the last two years. You can guess where that hand can go instead.
A man like Vince can never beat an SOB like Austin, who wants JR to come in the ring. Austin wants JR to…..sing a song? Lawler: “SING A SONG?” Of course it’s the Goodbye Song, with an OH H*** YEAH thrown in for some flavor. Vince leaves, but does flip Austin off on the way out. Beer is consumed. Back on commentary, JR says that’s one of the best moments of his life. Lawler: “YOU’RE DRUNK!” I’m surprised they let Vince stay away this long, though stipulations lasting wasn’t Russo’s strong suit.
Post break Howard Finkel cries to Vince as he leaves. Vince: “Get the h*** away from me.”
Val Venis/Godfather vs. Droz/Prince Albert
Street fight so Venis is in a regular shirt and jeans. After some trash talk from Venis and Godfather’s regular pre-match speech, we’re ready to go with Droz and Albert in street clothes as well (Godfather is the only one in gear, which is why he’s a Hall of Famer). The brawl is on (as it should be) with Droz and Venis fighting on the floor as the big guys do the same inside.
They switch places with Godfather and Albert fighting in the crowd but a random guy in a white suit jumps Godfather (That would be the yet to be named Key, who would be Droz’s drug dealer but wasn’t around long enough to warrant a mention. He’s better known as Vic Grimes from ECW.). Not that it matters as a Ho Train and Money Shot finish Albert in short order.
Rock calls Michael Cole an idiot and puts a bunch of Rock shirts and gear on top of him. Rock: “Don’t move you puppet.” It took a lot of help for HHH to beat him last night so they’re not done. As for Billy Gunn, the lips are getting ripped off of his trunks and stuck….somewhere. Speaking of Chyna, he knows that she’s been licking her lips for him so she can get on his knees, pucker her lips, and then get her teeth kicked into her face. Some ROCKY chants and one more smack to Cole wrap things up. The charisma and energy from Rock are downright scary at times.
Ben Stiller, in the front row, is introduced to the crowd as the “man who loves Debra’s puppies.”
Here are HHH and Chyna for a chat. HHH doesn’t care what Austin did earlier tonight because after last night, it’s all about him. Man to man, HHH can beat him because he’s been watching Austin like a hawk for six months. Jesse Ventura and Chyna aren’t going to be factors at Summerslam (JR: “That would be different.”) because it’s going to be one on one. At Summerslam, Austin will learn that HHH is the Game.
Chyna says Rock doesn’t have the guts to come out here and say something to her face. Cue Rock, with Billy Gunn jumping him from behind. Well that was frighteningly obvious. A low blow drops Rock and Gunn says now Rock knows his role. The villains leave so Rock calls out Gunn and Chyna for a handicap match tonight. I know this is the peak of Gunn’s singles run but look at his shirt and try to take him seriously.
We recap the opening segment with X-Pac being injured, setting up Kane’s challenge.
Kane vs. Big Show/Undertaker
They really like handicap matches tonight. Paul Bearer is out with Undertaker and Show. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start until Kane and Show officially start. An enziguri staggers Show and Kane wants Undertaker. Kane drops Undertaker and heads outside for a nasty chair shot to Show’s head. Undertaker grabs the chair as well though and knocks Kane silly for the DQ.
Post match Kane pops up and gets chaired down as well. The beatdown is on until Road Dogg comes in, only to eat a chokeslam. The monsters stand extra tall.
Jeff Jarrett interrupts a Debra photo shoot because they have to do an interview.
Countdown to the Millennium. JR’s calculations say it ends in two weeks. Why yes, yes it does.
Here are Jarrett and Debra for a chat with Jarrett calling Ben Stiller into the ring. He’s rather excited to meet Debra but Jeff calls him off. Jeff knows that Stiller has a movie coming out (Mystery Men) so why is he in Cleveland. Stiller is here for some world class wrestling, such as seeing the new Intercontinental Champion, and of course he explains Mystery Men.
The only reason he didn’t cast Jarrett was there wasn’t a character powerful enough for him to play. Jeff wants to know his favorite wrestler, which would be…..the puppies. That means a Figure Four on Stiller until D’Lo Brown makes the save. Brown has to carry a cheering Stiller out.
Austin is still here.
Post break replays show that Stiller had his face on the Puppies during Brown’s save.
HHH goes into Austin’s locker room.
Here’s Women’s Champion Ivory for a chat. Everyone is wondering where Nicole Bass is but Bass isn’t good enough to stand in the same ring with her. She issues an open challenge to anyone in the crowd so here’s a woman, who gets knocked down with a belt shot to the head. Tori comes in for the quickly broken up catfight.
HHH leaves Austin’s locker room. JR: “I don’t think Austin was in there! Or was he???” Top level journalism.
Al Snow is still insane and shouting that it has to stop. A chihuahua comes in and barks, apparently saying that it can’t get worse. Snow: “What am I? Dr. Doolittle?”
HHH vs. Ken Shamrock
Apparently Austin wasn’t in the locker room but HHH trashed the place. There’s no Shamrock, so HHH calls him out for not wrestling after being hit by a car. Shamrock comes out in jeans with his arm and ribs taped. A takedown has HHH in trouble until he gets in a single shot to the ribs. Shamrock goes for the knee to little avail as HHH takes out the ribs again. There’s a gutbuster and more stomps to said ribs, followed by the rather logical abdominal stretch. More shoulders to the bad ribs have Shamrock bleeding from the mat (a trademark of his) and a bodyscissors makes the referee stop the match.
Rating: D+. The rib work made sense and it showed HHH being all aggressive here, but it’s weird seeing Shamrock getting squashed like this. It makes sense in this case though and there’s a big difference when he came in injured. HHH’s rise to the title has a weird feeling to it, mainly because he’s not over enough yet to really challenge Austin.
Post match HHH stays on the bad ribs even more with no one making the save.
Undertaker says the days of scary music and scary entrances are over. He and Show are taking over.
Test destroys Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse.
Chyna/Billy Gunn vs. The Rock
The still sweaty HHH is on commentary. Chyna stays on the floor to start as Rock beats the fire out of Gunn. Rock punches him to the floor and punches away even more, including a right hand to the side of Chyna’s head. As the beatdown goes on, HHH is on his feet and yelling at JR about how he can beat Austin for the title. Chyna gets in a kick to the back and let’s look at HHH ranting about Ventura and Austin some more.
Rock punches Chyna some more but gets caught with a DDT for two. The villains beat on Rock even more as HHH talks about knowing when Austin breathes and sleeps. So he’s a stalker. We cut to HHH again and then look at Austin watching in the back. Gunn grabs a chinlock and let’s look at HHH knocking off JR’s hat. My goodness calm down with the camera cuts already. Rock grabs a DDT for two and the Samoan drop sets up a low blow.
Chyna gets knocked outside and Rock’s Cactus Clothesline sends Gunn outside. That lets HHH get in a cheap shot, sending JR into a rant about how unfair that was. Back in and Gunn’s own cheap shot keeps Rock in trouble and there’s a….nother camera cut to HHH yelling at JR, though at least this time he punches JR in the face. Cue Austin for the fight as the Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow hit Gunn, though we go off the air before the pin.
Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course, though I was rather relieved that they did do something with HHH yelling at JR over and over. Rock vs. Gunn just is not working and offers a lot more proof about how big the gap was between Austin and Rock at this point. Yeah Rock was a star, but he was nowhere near the star Austin was here, which is a rather annoying and inaccurate myth that has been created. Right now, Austin is about to headline Summerslam while Rock is feuding with a guy who wrestles in a thong with a mesh covering. Rock’s time would come, but it wasn’t here yet, no matter what his fans think.
Hang on we’re not done though as this show includes a special Extra Attitude video as the cameras keep rolling. Rock, Gunn and Chyna leave as HHH and Austin keep fighting at ringside. Austin sends him into the steps but gets dropped onto the barricade. They head inside with HHH choking until Austin hits a quick Stunner. Austin actually drops a middle rope elbow as the music is playing and beer is consumed. We’re still not done though as Chyna comes back in for a low blow. HHH gets back up but Austin beats them both up (including an awful Stunner to Chyna). Even more beer is consumed to finally end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t a good show, but it was miles ahead of the last few weeks. The main reason this worked so much better was having a point to the big stories. It’s like we have a goal in mind now instead of just filling in whatever they can week to week before getting to the worthless Fully Loaded show. Now everything is moving towards Summerslam and that gives the show a much needed focus. There are still a lot of problems, but we have something to build towards now, which makes a world of difference.
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