Impact Wrestling – May 10, 2019: The Problem With The Entire Company
IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 10, 2019
Location: Rebel Sports Entertainment Complex, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews
We’re still in Canada and we still don’t have a World Champion around at the moment due to Brian Cage’s back injury. What we do have though is a new #1 contender in the form of Michael Elgin, who seems rather content with waiting around until Cage gets back. I’m not sure what that means for this week so let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
Opening recap, with the World Title situation getting some extra time, as it should.
Opening sequence.
Josh: “We sit just fifty eight days away from Slammiversary!” You might want to wait a bit on that countdown.
Moose/Josh Alexander vs. LAX
Non-title and no Konnan with LAX. Alexander and Santana start things off with an exchange of wristlocks until Ortiz comes in for the running splash. It’s off to Moose, who puts Ortiz on top and dropkicks him to the floor. That leaves Callus enough time to list off Moose’s athletic stats and then say they’re off the charts. Hence why they have been charted you see. Back to Alexander for some forearms in the corner and the required chinlock.
Ortiz fights up and suplexes Alexander into a Stunner for the tag off to Santana. Moose gets sent outside and it’s a double flapjack into a facebuster combination to drop Alexander again. It’s already back to Moose for the power, including a powerbomb to Ortiz onto Santana. The chokebomb gets two on Santana but Moose hits Alexander by mistake, allowing LAX to hit a double enziguri. With Moose down on the ground, LAX hits their usual flurry into the double faceplant to finish Alexander at 7:38.
Rating: C. LAX can do no wrong at this point and that was the case again here, with another entertaining performance against a team that didn’t have the best chemistry. If nothing else though, hearing “their opponents, Moose and Josh Alexander” sounds a lot better than The North. That’s such a bad name for a team and while their work is good, it sounds like the most indy of names.
Madison Rayne is ready for her third non-title match against Taya Valkyrie, even if Taya doesn’t have to defend the title for thirty days. I get the story they’re going for here, but Madison is another shining example of what is wrong with a lot of the roster: she’s perfectly adequate. She’s going to give you a fine match, a fine promo and a fine everything, but there’s no reaching for the next level. Madison, along with so many others on the roster, are a safe bet and that’s a big reason why Impact never goes any higher than they already are.
Tommy Dreamer gives his partners a big pep talk about how they’re all a bunch of misfits. He knows about that, because he used to work for ECW. I actually yelled at my screen OH MY GOODNESS SHUT UP ABOUT ECW. Dreamer promises that the team will fight tonight, because this is the kind of company he wants to fight for.
Announcers’ preview.
Madison Rayne vs. Taya Valkyrie
Non-title again and Tessa Blanchard comes out for commentary, definitely acting a lot more faceish. Taya heads straight outside for the stalling so Madison chases her back inside, where the champ gets in a dropkick to the head. That means the always annoying break less than a minute in and we come back with Madison hitting a running shoulder in the corner.
Taya throws her down again and we have an inset window showing Tessa on commentary. I don’t really need to watch commentary talking, but EGADS is that better than cutting to Gail every ten seconds. Taya cuts off a springboard with a faceplant and it’s a Jeff Hardy legdrop between the legs. A little dance sets up Taya bending Madison’s ribs around the post as the announcers talk almost non-stop about Gail vs. Tessa.
Back in and Madison gets in a tornado DDT, followed by a few forearms for two. A windup cutter gives Madison two as Tessa forgets that this is non-title. Taya stops for more trash talk and slow kicks to the back/chest. A big kick is countered into a half crab and Taya taps immediately at 12:08.
Rating: C-. The story is fine and they can do a title match before Slammiversary, but I’m still not buying Madison as a top challenger. She hasn’t missed a step since her previous run, but that doesn’t make her all that inspiring. Taya tapping so fast makes sense and it’s very nice that they’re doing a story with the champion losing over and over again rather than just doing it and rarely going anywhere other than “here’s a title shot to make it 50/50”.
This week’s Flashback Moment of the Week: Rob Van Dam beats Abyss at Bound For Glory.
Van Dam thinks he’s facing Diamond Dallas Page tonight instead of Ethan Page. He’s not worried about Rob Van Dam.
Rosemary wants a Demon Collar match against Su Yung, winner take all. That would be all the souls/people I presume?
Jordynne Grace vs. Alexia Nicole
Grace shrugs off the kicks to the leg and hits a one armed delayed vertical suplex. Nicole’s sleeper doesn’t work at all and it’s a giant swing to make it even worse. A clothesline goes even worse for Nicole and Grave hits a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb. The Grace Driver is good for the pin at 3:03.
Rating: D. Grace continues to look dominant and at some point they’ll make her the monster champion that she should be. Sometimes you need a nice squash like this as it’s one of the best ways to keep someone over. She doesn’t have anything going on right now but keeping her dominant on TV like this works just fine.
Josh Alexander gives Ethan Page a pep talk for his match with Van Dam tonight.
Kiera Hogan walked away from Rosemary last week because that’s what Rosemary wanted. She has tried to be friends with everyone around here and it hasn’t worked. Grace comes in to say they are friends but Kiera doesn’t care about her. Grace can die like Allie did.
Ethan Page vs. Rob Van Dam
Alexander is here with Page and the announcers talk about Van Dam’s marijuana enthusiasm as both villains yell at Rob. They’re knocked to the floor as the discussion moves over to ECW and all the great moments Rob had there. An Alexander distraction breaks up the spinning kick to Page’s back and it’s Page taking over in the corner.
A backbreaker and suplex have Van Dam in trouble but he’s back with kicks to the face. Rolling Thunder looks to set up the Five Star but Alexander’s distraction lets Page get up. There’s a bicycle kick to Rob, who is right back with a spinwheel kick. The Five Star (with very little elevation) finishes Page at 6:10.
Rating: D+. It wasn’t terrible or even bad, but it was a 48 year old Van Dam playing the hits while the announcers tried to treat it as anything other than nostalgia/a way to draw a crowd for Philadelphia next week. There’s nothing wrong with Van Dam not being able to do it as well as he used to, but treating him like he’s still the same athlete is hard to take. Bringing Rob back in makes sense as he has star power, but I’m worried about how hard they’re going to push him at this point.
Brian Cage is still injured and starting rehab on his back soon.
Johnny Impact comes up to Michael Elgin and they argue over who injured Cage. Elgin will send him to the hospital to prove he’s right.
Deaners vs. Desi Hit Squad vs. Brent Banks/Aiden Prince vs. Rascalz
Banks flips a lot and dropkicks Raju into the corner so it’s off to Singh as we’re already in the rapid fire offense as no one is going to have time to really showcase themselves. The Squad takes over on Prince with a boot to the face giving Raju two. Prince gets in a kick of his own and the fans want the Deaners, showing that Canadian fans don’t have the best taste. The Deaners come in a few seconds later as everything breaks down with the Rascalz taking over. Wentz hits a big dive onto a bunch of people and Dezmond hits a cartwheel corkscrew dive but Raju uses the distraction to roll Cousin Jake up for the pin at 5:05.
Rating: D+. What am I supposed to say here? The Desi Hit Squad wins (because the Rascalz aren’t allowed to build any momentum) in a match with eight people trying to get stuff in over the course of about five minutes. It’s too much in one match and the Squad winning took away a lot of the energy that the match could have build up.
Killer Kross talks about stealing Kenny the Kendo Stick last week, which he did to prove a point. Now he wants to hear from Eddie Edwards. Tick tock.
LAX is in the Rascalz clubhouse and they talk about lions protecting the stash. Ortiz wants to fight the Rockers, the Eliminators, Bert and Ernie and Tango and Cash. Shots are consumed.
The announcers talk about going to the 2300 Arena next week and say EXTREME about half a dozen times.
Tommy Dreamer/Fallah Bahh/Rich Swann/Willie Mack vs. OVE
OVE Rules, meaning anything goes and Scarlett Bordeaux is here with the non-Ohioans. Joined in progress after a break with Bahh splashing Dave Crist in the corner. It’s time for some chairs with Dave being slammed onto the steel, leaving everyone to head outside. Mack comes back in and slams Sami, setting up a standing moonsault onto Dave. The big flip dive lets Mack knock everyone down, followed by Dave moonsaulting off the top onto everyone else. Jake dives, then Tommy dives as we get in the required exchange of dives out of the way. Dreamer heads to the back to get something as we take a break.
Back with the weapons abounding, including a big ladder that Dreamer pulled out. Dreamer wraps the ladder around his head and does the spinning knockdowns until Fulton gets in a shot to take over. Fulton sets the ladder up on the ramp as Sami and Dave beat on Fallah with a chair. That leaves Mack to pile a bunch of stuff up in the ring, only to take a cutter from Jake for two.
Bahh’s belly to belly onto a trashcan gets two but he’s fine enough to set up some chairs. A superplex to Dave is broken up with Fulton powerbombing Bahh through some chairs. The chair wrapped in barbed wire is sat on Bahh’s chest for a top rope double stomp into a near fall. Swann comes back in (Was he in at all?) and goes to the ladder but Fulton makes the save, allowing Dave to hit a super cutter off the ladder.
Fulton dives off the ladder into a Samoan drop to give Bahh two. Dreamer busts out the Legos and DDTs Sami and Dave onto them for no cover. That leaves the barefooted Bahh to walk onto the Legos but Fulton plants him with a chokeslam. Mack Stuns Fulton onto a chair but Sami blasts Mack with a stop sign. The Cactus Special onto the Legos gives Sami the pin at 16:29.
Rating: C+. It’s a garbage brawl that I’ve seen done a million times but they were putting in some effort and got the time to make it feel more violent. I’m not sure why you would have Mack take the fall when you have Dreamer in there, but they do seem to be teasing a Mack vs. Swann feud. This wasn’t bad, and thank goodness they didn’t put it in the ECW Arena instead.
Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it seems that they’re building up to both Slammiversary but more importantly the 2300 Arena shows. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but I’m worried about how big of an ECW tribute we’ll have to sit through for the next few weeks. This wasn’t terrible, though they’ve lost some momentum from Rebellion.
Results
LAX b. Moose/Josh Alexander – Double faceplant to Alexander
Madison Rayne b. Taya Valkyrie – Half crab
Jordynne Grace b. Alexia Nicole – Grace Driver
Rob Van Dam b. Ethan Page – Five Star Frog Splash
Desi Hit Squad b. Rascalz, Brent Banks/Aiden Prince and Deaners – Rollup to Jake
OVE b. Tommy Dreamer/Fallah Bahh/Rich Swann/Willie Mack – Cactus Special to Mack
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Grace can die like Allie did.
That’s not what she said.
She said Rosemary can die like Allie did, since Rosemary attacked her after all the times she tried to help her out.
Logically, this would mean Rosemary should be the one turning heel but they’re going the other way and making Kiera the heel now probably to counter-balance Tessa’s face turn.
Tessa as a face is one of the most unnatural things ever BTW.
Also, her face is pretty rough looking as well.
Did she? Fair enough.