Impact Wrestling – May 31, 2019: The Good Makes It Worse
IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 31, 2019
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis
We’re going back in time again tonight with the further adventures of the ECW stars in modern times, plus what should be the destruction of Glenn Gilbertti at the hands of Tessa Blanchard. Last week’s show wasn’t the kindest thing in the world so hopefully this one is a lot better. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
Opening recap.
Moose/The North vs. Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer/Sabu
Maybe we can just get it out of the way early on. Dreamer and Page start things off with Dreamer getting in an armbar before handing it off to Sabu. Alexander comes in as well and the fans declare this awesome less than a minute in. Sabu’s legbar doesn’t work so he sends Alexander into the corner for a YOU STILL GOT IT chant. So apparently the fans here have no idea what IT is.
Moose and Van Dam come in for the pose/chant off before Van Dam kicks him in the face. The combination of Rolling Thunder/slingshot legdrop get two on Moose and it’s back to Dreamer, who gets kicked low. Back from a break with Moose trying his own Rolling Thunder but getting a chair pelted at his face instead. That’s enough for the warm tag to Van Dam, who hits the split legged moonsault for two on Alexander.
Everything breaks down and Sabu hits Air Sabu on Alexander. Sabu’s manager Super Genie hits his own, followed by another dive to the floor to drop the North. Moose hits No Jackhammer Needed on Dreamer but walks into the Van Daminator, leaving Sabu to bring in the table. An Arabian facebuster through the table, with the referee casually watching, sets up the Five Star to finish Page at 10:09.
Rating: D+. It’s not the worst match in the world or even close to it, but there are so many problems with this. The biggest thing is that, again, they’re catering to the live audience instead of the masses. What if you weren’t around for ECW’s heyday? Unless you’re at least thirty years old, odds are you weren’t a fan of the original ECW. Or what if you just didn’t like it? Yeah the fans in the arena are going to cheer, but outsiders see a bunch of old guys (with Dreamer being the youngest at 48) having a not very good match while the fans chant for another company. They didn’t have anything else to put in these spots?
Brian Cage is still banged up but he’s been cleared to train. He’ll meet Michael Elgin at Slammiversary.
Moose is tired of these people messing up so he’ll do things himself.
Glenn Gilbertti vs. Tessa Blanchard
Gilbertti drops to the floor and says that Tessa is one of the best female wrestlers in the world, though that doesn’t count very much. The road to superstardom is paved with potholes and you know how women drivers are. It’s clear that Tessa has daddy issues so tonight, Gilbertti will be her daddy. Tessa hits a bunch of forearms and a big forearm finishes Gilbertti at 2:59. Exactly how it should have gone, but it still feels like the most random detour for Tessa, who just got done with a huge feud against Gail Kim.
The Rascalz invade LAX’s clubhouse with the smoke and set up a match for later. Trey drinks a lot.
Rich Swann and Willie Mack are ready to get revenge on Michael Elgin and Johnny Impact tonight.
Desi Hit Squad vs. Deaners
For the love of all things good and holy make it short. Cody works on Raju’s arm to start but Raj pulls Raju to the floor for a breather. The big dives take them down though and we seem to be in near squash territory. Raj trips Cody and the Squad takes over with a dropkick to the back getting two.
That doesn’t last long though as it’s back to Jake as everything breaks down. The Squad hits a faceplant/top rope double stomp combination for two on Cody with Jake making the save. Jake posts himself though and Cody gets shoved off the top. Cody is fine enough to send them into each other though and a rollup finishes Raj at 6:05.
Rating: D+. Again, not that bad of a match but it felt like filler. Are we really supposed to believe that the Desi Hit Squad or the Deaners are going to move up towards the Tag Team Title picture? LAX and the Lucha Bros just had a blood feud for the titles that headlined a pay per view. I’m not buying the redneck cousins as being a serious threat.
Killer Kross is ready to hurt Eddie Edwards tonight. Kenny has been broken and Eddie will be next.
Elgin is ready to take the World Title at Slammiversary. Johnny Impact comes in to say he’s taking the X-Division Title at Slammiversary, so he’s ready to hurt people tonight. That’s cool with Elgin. Johnny plugs the upcoming special including the Great Muta, which is also cool with Elgin.
Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards
Hardcore. Kross is wearing a flack jacket but Eddie dives onto him anyway to start fast. A belly to back suplex drops Kross on the apron and it’s time for the weapons. That takes too long though and Kross takes over by sending him into the barricade. A trashcan shot and a suplex on the floor make it even worse for Eddie and they get inside for the first time. Eddie gets in a Blue Thunder Bomb onto a trashcan but Kross won’t stay down.
Some trashcan lid shots to the head get one and it’s time to bring in a small ladder. The Krossjacket Choke has Eddie in trouble so he hits a few metal sign shots to the head to escape. Kross kicks him in the head though, allowing him to load up some chairs. A chokebomb through the ladder on the chairs breaks Eddie in half but there’s no cover.
Instead more chairs are brought in but Eddie manages a sunset bomb onto all of them for two. Two more chairs are set up and Eddie loads up a tiger driver. That’s countered with a backdrop, which was supposed to be a belly to back piledriver but didn’t really come close. Kross loads up some lead lined gloves but here’s Sandman with a kendo stick to Kross, allowing Eddie to hit the Boston Knee Party for the pin at 13:51.
Rating: C. Eddie is one of the better performers Impact has ever had, winning everything there is to win around here, including the World Title. But what he really needed was Sandman’s endorsement. Yeah that guy who only ever succeeded in ECW? That’s the ticket for Eddie. I thought Sandman was cool back in the day and he certainly had his place, but come on with the ECW stuff already.
Post match Sandman gives Eddie Kenny II and beers are consumed. And yes, the fans are chanting for ECW instead of Eddie or Impact. That seems to be the plan all along.
Rosemary has the still chained up Su Yung when James Mitchell comes in. He recaps their entire feud, including Allie’s involvement and death. Mitchell wants Su back and blames Rosemary for Allie’s death. Rosemary chokes Jim and says she’s keeping Yung.
Flashback Moment of the Week: Chris Sabin/Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. Sanada/Great Muta/Yasu from Lockdown 2014.
OVE isn’t happy with Scarlett Bordeaux and Fallah Bahh. Next week, the Crists will take care of them.
Michael Elgin/Johnny Impact vs. Willie Mack/Rich Swann
Johnny Bravo is in Elgin/Impact’s corner. Mack and Swann hit the stereo flip dives to start us off in a hurry, which is probably their best idea. We take a break thirty seconds in (erg) and come back with Impact in trouble in the corner thanks to the reverse Cannonball from Mack. Johnny slides between his legs though and scores with an enziguri before handing it off to Elgin. Mack elbows his way out of trouble and manages to drag Elgin over to the corner for the tag off to Swann.
A powerbomb attempt is countered with a hurricanrana and Elgin almost punches Impact. Swann sends them into each other and rolls Elgin up for two. Elgin drives Mack into Swann for a crotching though and it’s a Death Valley Driver for two on Mack. Back from another break with Swann still in control until he ducks the Flying Chuck to the face. The hot tag brings in Mack for some rolling Wastelands to Impact but Elgin tags himself back in.
That means a slingshot elbow to Swann’s face and a big running flip dive to take out Mack and Impact. Johnny isn’t happy so Swann adds his own running flip dive dive onto all three. Back in and Elgin hits a heck of a superkick on Swann with Impact adding a knee to the head for two. The Moonlight Drive gets two and Elgin breaks up the handspring elbow to make things even worse.
Mack comes in for the Samoan drop and standing moonsault for no count as he isn’t legal. A Rock Bottom/neckbreaker combination gets two on Impact, who is fine enough for a middle rope Spanish Fly on Mack. Swann kicks Impact in the head and everyone is down. Elgin and Impact hit stereo superkicks but Impact hits Elgin by mistake, sending Elgin up the ramp. Swann kicks Impact in the face and hits the 450 for the pin at 22:58.
Rating: B+. This was a blast and I was actually surprised by the finish here. I was thinking they would go with the monster heels winning in the end but they kept both teams in there until I wasn’t sure who was winning in the end. Swann and Mack have something and I could see both of them going a lot higher up the card. Very good main event here after a very good Elgin vs. Swann match from a few weeks ago.
Overall Rating: C. It’s kind of amazing how this show can go from feeling like a bad indy promotion to having an awesome main event in the span of two hours. If nothing else, the main event shows what this company is capable of doing while they go with whatever else for the sake of either the easy way out or popping the audience in the arena. This company is capable of better and they showed that in the main event. Do more of that and less of the 50 year old crowd.
Results
Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer/Sabu b. Moose/The North – Five Star Frog Splash to Page
Tessa Blanchard b. Glenn Gilbertti – Forearm
Deaners b. Desi Hit Squad – Rollup to Singh
Eddie Edwards b. Killer Kross – Boston Knee Party
Rich Swann/Willie Mack b. Michael Elgin/Johnny Impact – 450 to Impact
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