NWA Polynesian Championship Wrestling – August 9, 1986: Big Trouble In Paradise
IMG Credit: National Wrestling Alliance
NWA Polynesian Championship Wrestling
Date: August 9, 1986
Location: Aloha Stadium, Honolulu, Hawaii
Commentators: Ripper Collins, Dunbar Wakayama
How in the world could I not do a show like this? We’re back in the territory days and way out in Hawaii, where you don’t get a lot of wrestling. I have no idea what to expect here and that’s one of the fun things about watching a show like this. From what I can tell this is part of a big show, as Aloha Stadium holds 50,000 people. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence with the announcers welcoming us to the show in narration.
National Anthem, so you know it’s a major show.
A sign says this is A Hot Summer Night II. Good enough.
House show ad.
Robert Toronto vs. Joe Solo
Someone named Mighty Hilo was announced to face Solo here so Toronto is a replacement. Not a good sign less than three minutes after the previous match was announced. Having maybe 50 fans on camera isn’t a good sign either. Feeling out process to start with a few clean breaks, which commentary insists that the fans enjoy.
They botch….I think a backdrop with Solo taking a headbutt to the ribs instead of being backdropped. It’s off to a headlock to slow things down instead and avoid any more mistakes. Back up and Solo tries his own backdrop but falls down onto Toronto as they’re not exactly working smoothly. Toronto goes with a suplex instead and gets the pin at 2:36. That’s one of the worst short matches I can remember in a long time.
Kini Popo #1/Kini Popo #2 vs. Keith Hart/Smith Hart
The Harts are billed from Los Angeles because….I have no idea really. The commentators then say they’re from a Canadian family just to make sure the confusion reigns. The Popos jump them from behind to start and get sent into each other so the Canadian Californians can clear the ring. Back in and the announcers talk about the Popos being billed from all around the world without seeing the irony.
#2 starts with Keith as the announcers ignore the match to talk about a wrestling journalist coming to Hawaii for a celebration. The Popos take Keith into the corner for their first advantage. Keith gets in a shoulder and armdrag as the camera is WAY too zoomed in, to the point where they lose the action when anyone runs. Thankfully they zoom out as #1 takes over with some knees in the corner.
We get an inset interview from a woman named Spicy, who has been training for a match against a woman named Killer Tomato. With that out of the way, we come back to Smith cranking on #1’s arm before it’s back to #2. A chinlock on Smith takes us to a break and stops the announcers from talking about wrestling in Atlanta even more. Back with everyone brawling on the floor and the Popos getting the better of it as the announcers call Smith Owen.
We settle down to Keith dropping a knee on #2 as the announcers say that’s Owen again. Is it really that hard to say the right name? Keith gets caught in the corner but comes back with a knee to #2’s ribs. It’s starting to rain as Smith comes in and gets caught in a leglock. Everything breaks down again and the referee throws it out at 12:13.
Rating: D+. This was a hard one to get into and I can’t say I’m all that surprised. Some of the Hart Brothers are a bit of an acquired taste and that was certainly the case with Keith. It didn’t help that they had a run of the mill set of opponents and there was nothing that made me care about the match in the slightest. Much like the entire show so far.
Post match, the brawling continues with the Harts clearing the ring.
Killer Tomato, the California Women’s Champion, has faced Spicy before and she’ll be ready tonight.
Super Sakalia vs. Richie Magnet
Magnet is said to be the 1984 Rookie of the Year and he’s not happy because his original opponent has been replaced. Magnet shoulders him down and grabs a headlock takeover but Sakalia fights up without much effort. A clothesline sets up Sakalia’s own chinlock for a few moments as this isn’t exactly thrilling.
Magnet fights up and starts kicking at the leg because it’s the 80s so he uses a Figure Four. Some forearms put Magnet down again and it’s back to the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and Magnet kicks at the leg again, this time taking Sakalia down for the Figure Four. Cue another Samoan named Superfly Tui to attack Richie for the DQ at 7:00.
Rating: D-. Can we please just end this show already? I know it’s the mid 80s but this would be considered boring by any generation. This was one chinlock after another until the ending and I need a lot more than that. It would be nice if it felt like someone was either trying or had the slightest bit of energy in one of these matches but I haven’t seen it yet.
Post match the beatdown is on until someone whose name sounded like Jeff Magruder makes the save.
A guy whose name sounds like Al Harrington (seems to be a comedian) tells people from the east coast to come to Hawaii in what seems like filler between matches.
Uncle Elmer vs. Hans Schroder
Yes it’s the same Uncle Elmer from Wrestlemania II. Elmer comes in and dances a bit before talking about how many pigs he owns. Oh and he’s from Mississippi not Arkansas. They get in an argument over which state he’s from as I’m pretty sure the bell has already rung. We finally get going with Elmer grabbing a headlock and then letting it go for a standoff.
Schroder’s top wristlock doesn’t work at all and Elmer shoves him down again. Hang on though as we go to an inset interview with Magnet and Magruder swearing revenge. As Magruder talks about how much he can lift, Elmer wins a test of strength….and we take a break. IN AN UNCLE ELMER MATCH??? Back with Schroder on the floor and getting counted out at 3:47. The stuff after the break was less than ten seconds.
Rating: F. Oh come on with this nonsense already man. They really went to a break so they could come back for seven more seconds? In a comedy match? This show is one of the worst things I’ve seen in a long time and this somehow might have been the worst part of the whole thing.
Post match Schroder yells about how unfair that was because Elmer sent him over the top. Not that we saw it or anything.
Superfly Tui wants Magruder and doesn’t care how much he can lift. They’ll beat up a cockroach or an elephant if they have to.
The Lieutenant Governor is here.
And now, A CLIPPED VERSION OF ELMER VS. SCHRODER! The announcers want to see Elmer vs. Andre the Giant because it would be good and clean wrestling. Then they just stop showing the clips and talk about how awesome Elmer is.
The announcers sign off.
House show ad.
The announcers sign off again.
Overall Rating: F. This was one of weakest shows I’ve seen in a long time and somehow it was part of their big show. The wrestling was bad, the stories (Can I even make that plural?) were as low rent as you could get and there was no one in the big stadium. I’m not sure what to think of a show like this but I really hope this was just an off night for them because it was a completely terrible show.
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