Impact Wrestling – September 20, 2019: Attempted Murder, Farewell And Cheat Food

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 20, 2019
Location: Fronton Mexico, Mexico City, Mexico
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

I’m pretty sure this is the final show in Mexico and that might be the best thing for everyone involved. These shows haven’t been the most consistent with a cross between horrible and entertaining enough. Tonight is all about LAX, who are having their farewell match before heading off to AEW. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Instead of the usual opening sequence, we get a nice retrospective on Santana and Ortiz, which is more than deserved.

Opening sequence.

OVE vs. Tessa Blanchard/Rob Van Dam/Rhino/Tommy Dreamer

Street fight so the slugout is on in a hurry. Sami and Van Dam are left alone in the ring with Rob kicking him down and hitting Rolling Thunder. Tessa and Jake take their places with Tessa crotching him in the corner to take over. The running Codebreaker out of the corner puts them both on the floor so it’s Fulton coming back in to slug it out with Rhino. With Rhino not having the best luck, Dreamer comes back in and hits a cutter on Fulton, who pops back up with a big boot.

Dave gets backdropped onto the pile at ringside and Tommy follows with the fall (there was a lack of diving) off the top. Van Dam hits his own flip dive, leaving Sami vs. Tessa inside. Another cutter drops Sami but Dave superplexes Tessa onto the pile again. Back in and Rhino no sells a suplex from Sami and it’s time for the parade of people knocking each other down with one shot. Tessa tornado DDTs Fulton but he’s right back up with a gorilla press so Jake can come in off the top with a big cutter.

Dreamer and Van Dam bring in a kendo stick with Rhino sliding in a table for a bonus. Before Dave can go through it though, Sami low blows Dreamer and Rhino. Dreamer grabs Sami with a groin claw though and Rhino Gores Dave through the table. The Five Star hits Jake and Tessa puts on the Crossface with the kendo stick to make Jake tap at 9:49.

Rating: C+. Not bad here with the ECW people being rather unnecessary supporting stars for Tessa. In theory this should set her up for the X-Division Title shot at Bound For Glory while the ECW people do….whatever it is that they do when they’re not on Impact. It was a pretty entertaining match, but I can’t help sighing whenever the ECW guys show up.

Ace Austin shows up in a wheelchair and neck brace but promises to be here for Alisha Edwards. He smirks at the camera after she leaves. This is another example of a story that would be over as soon as anyone involved watched the show.

We see LAX’s first Tag Team Title win.

The North is ready to celebrate LAX leaving, and they even have a pinata.

The announcers preview the show.

Alisha Edwards vs. Taya Valkyrie

Non-title. Alisha mocks Taya’s gyrating entrance and gets taken down for some right hands to the head. Cue Ace in his wheelchair as Taya chokes in the corner. Alisha manages to send her into the corner and hits a basement dropkick, followed by a Downward Spiral for two as John E. Bravo put Taya’s foot on the rope. Ace pops out of the chair and does his handstand on the apron into the kick to Bravo, with Alisa somehow not seeing any of it. Taya gets in a cheap shot and hits the Road To Valhalla for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D. This story isn’t doing much for me whenever Eddie isn’t involved as Alisha isn’t all that good. Taya needs a big time opponent for Bound For Glory and I’m not sure who that is going to be. There are a lot of possible options but none of them really stand out above the others. The bigger problem though is Alisha looking rather ridiculous to not get what is going on, as apparently NO ONE in the company has told her a thing about what is going on in the ring and backstage.

Post match Alisha checks on Ace.

The North is looking for people to join their party (with Alexander no selling the whole thing). They run into Rob Van Dam and Rhino, the latter of whom rips up their pinata. I think we have our new #1 contenders.

Gama Singh introduces Mahabali Shera as the newest member of the Desi Hit Squad.

Mahabali Shera vs. Cody Deaner

Shera drives him straight into the corner and starts hammering away, followed by a neckbreaker to keep Cody in trouble. Cody slugs away and hits a suicide dive onto the rest of the Squad, only to dive into a chokeslam back inside. A World’s Strongest Slam ends Cody at 2:47. Shera looks great now but the Squad’s entire gimmick of being from India is still not enough to make me care.

Classic LAX moment: the street fight with the OGz.

We get what looks to be a glitch as Melissa Santos pops up with headphones in her ears, looking like she’s ready for a Skype interview before disappearing after about a second.

Rascalz vs. Australian Suicide/Toxin/Arez

The Rascalz jump the not quite named luchadors to start and hit stereo suicide dives. We settle down to Trey wristdragging Australian into a dropkick to the floor. Toxin comes in for a bunch of flips into a brainbuster to send Trey outside, with Dezmond flipping in to strike away. Arez comes in for a backbreaker on Dezmond so Wentz comes back in for a springboard spinning crossbody.

The Rascalz are sent outside for a big corkscrew dive from Toxin, followed by dives from the other two. Back in and the Rascalz are fine enough to hit a Burning Hammer/top rope double stomp combination to Toxin but Australian makes a save with a moonsault. A superkick into the push moonsault finishes Australian at 4:38.

Rating: C. This is the kind of match that is always going to work because it’s such pure insanity that is just entertaining. I’m not sure who the Rascalz will be fighting at Bound For Glory but it better be someone rather big, as the team deserves a high profile match. They don’t seem to get that around here, but they should be getting one.

Moose is walking the streets of Mexico City and looks for a fight. He finds and wins one while shouting for Ken Shamrock.

Various wrestlers (including Tommy Dreamer of course) are in Las Vegas for Brian Cage’s bachelor party. More on this later.

We get a sitdown interview with Tenille Dashwood, who is happy to be here because she hasn’t faced a lot of the Knockouts. She wrestled Taya Valkyrie in Taya’s first match and it went badly for Taya. Now it’s all about her.

Jessika Havok vs. Su Yung

No DQ. Havok has a staple gun and jumps Su during the entrance to start the fighting in a hurry. Su gets in a few shots of her own but Havok follows her outside. Old School on the barricade is easily broken up and it’s time for a ladder to be brought in. Su grabs a hanging Pedigree and dodges a charge in the corner to send Havok into a chair. Yung grabs the staple gun and stabs Havok in the….somewhere, setting up a cannonball off the apron. The bloody glove is loaded up but Havok Tombstones her for the pin at 6:07.

Rating: D+. This feud hasn’t been interesting since the start as it’s been so all over the place that it’s hard to keep track of why they’re fighting in the first place. Or maybe it’s just not interesting enough to make me want to keep track of the thing. Yung was interesting when she came in but they booked her like any other Knockout for so long that the impact is long gone.

Post match Su pops up and Mandible Claws Havok before pelting a chair at her head. They fight to the back with a quickly edited brawl up a stairwell. Havok grabs a rope and hangs Su over the stairs….and we see the legs hanging as we have our latest murder.

And now, Melissa Santos’ bachelorette party with the Knockouts attending and Taya making it all about her. Joey Ryan shows up as the stripper and I’ve seen more convincing acting on Total Divas.

Cage’s bachelor party includes him eating a bunch of cheat foods. Dreamer: “This is kind of turning me on.”

Classic LAX: Barbed Wire Massacre III vs. OVE.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Shane Douglas vs. Raven in a hair vs. hair match from 2003.

Next week: Johnny Swinger.

Bound For Glory rundown.

LAX vs. Rich Swann/Willie Mack

Everyone shakes hands to start as they’re all friends here. Santana and Swann start things off and it’s an early trip to the mat for a standoff. They both flip out of hurricanrana attempts so Swann hits a dropkick for the first real offense. Santana takes him into the corner though and it’s Ortiz coming in for the rapid fire double teaming. Ortiz slaps on a Boston crab but it’s quickly back to Santana, who gets armdragged into the corner.

It’s off to Mack, who gets double dropkicked for his efforts. Mack and Swann are fine enough to run Santana over and put him in trouble for the first time. Ortiz gets caught in a Samoan drop so the standing moonsault can connect for two. Back from a break with Ortiz being caught in the wrong corner for more chops. The chinlock goes on for a bit until Ortiz jawbreaks his way to freedom.

Ortiz manages to drop Mack though and it’s a double knockdown for a breather. The hot(ish) tag brings in Santana for a running kick to Mack’s chest as everything breaks down. Ortiz comes back in off a blind tag and an assisted powerslam gets two. Everything breaks down and a reverse Razor’s Edge/top rope flipping neckbreaker plant Santana for two more.

A dragon screw legwhip drops Mack and a powerbomb puts Swann down but Santana can’t cover. Two more powerbomb get two on Swann but somehow he’s fine enough to slip out of the Street Sweeper. The super hurricanrana sets up Mack’s frog splash for two, followed by a bunch of kicks to Santana’s head. The handspring cutter into the Stunner into the Phoenix splash into the frog splash finish Santana and LAX at 18:38.

Rating: B. This worked well and that shouldn’t be surprising in the slightest. LAX has been one of the best teams in the world for a very long time now and it is no shock that they can have a very good match with a team as good as Swann and Mack. They deserve the big sendoff and that’s what they got, as the AEW Tag Team Titles are next up.

The locker room comes out to send LAX off.

Su Yung wakes up in the hospital. Apparently she’s murder proof.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped but it’s clear that there are a lot of things on this show that aren’t working. It feels like so many of the stories are just thrown together with no direction in mind and they’re hoping for the best. Bound For Glory is looking ok at best, as we spent this week with two Tommy Dreamer segments, the ECW guys being set up as title contenders and a case of murder before a nice sendoff. That’s as all over the place as you can get and while they still have time, it’s not making Bound For Glory look great.

Results

Tessa Blanchard/Rob Van Dam/Rhino/Tommy Dreamer b. OVE – Crossface with a kendo stick to Dave Crist

Taya Valkyrie b. Alisha Edwards – Road To Valhalla

Mahabali Shera b. Cody Deaner – World’s Strongest Slam

Rascalz b. Toxin/Arez/Australian Suicide – Push moonsault to Australian Suicide

Jessika Havok b. Su Yung – Tombstone

Rich Swann/Willie Mack b. LAX – Frog splash to Santana

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