Starrcade 2019: Thanks I Guess?
IMG Credit: WWE
Starrcade 2019
Date: December 1, 2019
Location: Infinite Energy Arena, Duluth, Georgia
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
I mean, it has been a whole week since their last big event. This is another one of those house shows that is airing on the Network in a shortened form. It isn’t exactly something interesting though last year’s show was pretty good. The two matches announced aren’t exactly breaking new ground but they could be good. Let’s get to it.
The announcers talk about the history of Starrcade and run down the matches announced.
Here is Kevin Owens for the Kevin Owens Show. He doesn’t waste any time and brings out Ric Flair to make it feel like Starrcade. Flair talks about how he’s a fan of Owens and, after switching to a microphone that works, he talks about how proud he is of Charlotte. On Smackdown, Roman Reigns talked about family, and that’s what everyone in WWE is.
The first Starrcade was thirty six years ago and back then all Flair wanted to do was be the best wrestler in the world. That’s what everyone wants to do here tonight and it’s going to be a good one. Owens has heard a lot of WOOing so he wants to let Flair have one of his own. They count it down….and here are the Good Brothers to cut them off.
Anderson and Gallows aren’t happy with hearing about the past when we could be talking about their present. They are the best tag team in the world but Owens brings up their lack of hair. Anderson thinks we should see a bunch of OC highlights for the rest of the show. Gallows: “Maybe some Botched Club!” Owens: “You want to see highlights of your last match?” Cue the Street Profits as Flair goes out to the floor. I think you know where this is going.
Good Brothers vs. Street Profits
Anderson punches Ford into the corner as we hear about a tag match opening the first Starrcade. Ford flips away though and it’s off to Dawkins for a headlock. Dawkins talks a lot and brings him over to the corner so Ford can come back in with a dropkick (it looked like Ford had to lower his legs because he was going to get too high).
Gallows comes in and superkicks Ford to the floor to take over. The pummeling starts in the corner and there’s a big kick to Ford’s head for a bonus. The chinlock goes on again for a few seconds before a fall away slam sends Ford back into the corner. Gallows runs him over and elbows him into another chinlock.
Ford gets up and backflips out of a suplex, setting up the enziguri to put Gallows down. There’s the hot tag to Dawkins and it’s time to clean house. Everything breaks down and Anderson cuts off the hot streak with a spinebuster for two. The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination gets two but Dawkins hits his own spinebuster. Ford’s frog splash is good for the pin on Anderson at 8:46.
Rating: C-. Total and complete house show match here and that’s all it needed to be. This was just about giving the fans something to cheer for and they did it well enough. The Profits are a team who can get fans interested through pure charisma and it isn’t like the Good Brothers are going to be hurt by a loss.
Post match the Profits bring Flair into the ring and do the elbow/knee onto the invisible coat in tribute.
Bayley and Sasha Banks don’t like being around here and talk about winning the Women’s Tag Team Titles tonight.
Women’s Tag Team Titles: Becky Lynch/Charlotte vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley vs. Kabuki Warriors
The Warriors are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Sane and Cross start things off but it’s Asuka and Charlotte coming in before anything happens. Charlotte shoulders her down but gets kicked in the ribs when trying to flip backwards. She’s fine enough to hit a fall away slam but Sasha tags herself in to frustrate Charlotte a bit. Sasha’s yelling at the crowd allows Cross to come in and bring Sasha into the corner.
Bliss hits her running slap and tags out for a bow. It’s quickly off to Bayley vs. Becky for a slugout until Bayley actually gets the better of it. Becky kicks her away though and brings in Bliss to clean house. Sane comes in to pull Bliss’ hair though and a dropkick to the back has Bliss in trouble. It’s back to Bayley but she gets small packaged for two, meaning Asuka tags herself back in.
That means a few kicks until Bliss punches her down, setting up the double tag to Lynch and Sane. Bexploders abound and it’s a double DDT to the Warriors. Sane is back up but Cross tags herself in for a high crossbody. The Purge gets two on Asuka with Banks making the save. The Insane Elbow hits Becky so Charlotte spears both Warriors down. Cross rolls Asuka up but gets pulled into the Asuka Lock for the tap at 13:26.
Rating: C+. This was the kind of fun insanity that these matches thrive on, though there is only so much you can do with so many people. It’s really just about keeping people moving the whole time and that is what we got here. There is a pretty firm limit on what they can do with something like this aside from a special occasion and this was as good as it was getting.
Bobby Lashley vs. Rusev
Last Man Standing and Lana is with Lashley, who is fine after Monday’s beatdown. Before the match, Lana talks about her hot boyfriend but there is some bad news: no Last Man Standing match tonight because the restraining order is still in effect. They’ll take that forfeit though. The referee raises Lashley’s hand and rings the bell but hang on a second.
Cue Kevin Owens to say that’s not how this is ending. Owens: “NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID RELATIONSHIP!” Lana wants everyone to ignore Owens right now. Owens: “Like you’ve been ignoring that stupid Russian accent for the last five years?” Lashley lets Owens take Rusev’s place and the match is on.
Bobby Lashley vs. Kevin Owens
Regular match instead of Last Man Standing. Owens hits two superkicks into the Cannonball but Lashley bails from the threat of a Stunner. Another Cannonball off the apron takes Lashley down again but he fights back to send Owens into the announcers’ table. They get back inside with Lashley’s shirt coming off to reveal the taped up ribs and shoulder. Lashley starts hammering away but Owens hits him in the ribs for a breather. A Downward Spiral gives Lashley two and he grabs a Crossface of all things.
That’s broken up with a quick grab of the rope so Lashley throws him outside. Back in and Lashley’s superplex is broken up, allowing Owens to Swanton onto the bad ribs. The frog splash gets two so Owens hits the Stunner, only to have Lana distract the referee. Lashley runs Owens over and grabs a chair, which draws in Rusev, in a Bob Ross shirt, through the crowd for the DQ at 9:29.
Rating: C. This was less of a match and more of a countdown to the obvious ending. That isn’t a bad thing but it wasn’t exactly a thrilling match. Owens could have been just about anyone here as we continue this Rusev vs. Lashley feud that has only started to pick up some steam over a month into the thing. It wasn’t a bad match but there wasn’t exactly a secret to where it was going.
Post match the beating is on with Rusev taking it into the crowd as Lana shouts about Rusev breaking the law. They head back into the ring with Lashley hitting him with some kendo stick shots. Rusev blocks the big shot though and grabs a chair to hammer away. The jumping superkick into the chair sends Lashley and Lana bailing. Rusev runs through the crowd to avoid being arrested to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. Much like every single one of these things, this was a show that existed and little more. There is nothing on here that you need to see and nothing on here that is worth your time, though the women’s match was pretty good. You would be better off watching a host of other things though as it’s just a house show with a bigger set than usual. The Starrcade name is fine though and it’s better than just leaving the things dormant for AEW to pick off. Completely acceptable use of an hour, but nothing you’ll regret missing.
Results
Street Profits b. Good Brothers – Frog splash to Anderson
Kabuki Warriors b. Nikki Cross/Alexa Bliss, Charlotte/Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks/Bayley – Asuka Lock to Cross
Bobby Lashley b. Kevin Owens via DQ when Rusev interfered
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I was at the Show and we did get the Fiend/Braun Strowman Cage Match which closed out the Non Televised portion at the end of the night.
It’s pretty bullshit to advertise the fiend/strowman and then not air it.