Smackdown – March 27, 2020: My Dad Deserves A Better Birthday Present

Smackdown
Date: March 27, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Michael Cole

We’re back to the old days here with a taped show on the way to whatever is left to populate Wrestlemania. News has broken about a lot of people being replaced and it should be interesting to see if we actually hear about most of those names this week. It’s completely in another world at this point so you never can tell what we could get. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Sasha Banks and Bayley to get things going. They talk about how big Wrestlemania is going to be but for the two of them, it is going to be a nightmare. That’s all Paige’s fault because the five on one idea isn’t fair. Not that it matters though as they’re best friends and nothing will split them up. Sasha doesn’t seem to agree but here’s Lacey Evans to interrupt. Sasha tells her to go talk to her bratty little kid because maybe she’ll listen. Lacey laughs them off and promises to beat them both up at Wrestlemania.

Cue Naomi to say she should be champion because Bayley cheated at Super ShowDown. As for Sasha, Naomi is snatching the blue wig off but Bayley doesn’t want all the interruptions….and here’s Tamina to interrupt. She says actions speak louder than words and takes out Lacey and Naomi, allowing Bayley and Sasha to stomp on Lacey in the corner. The two of them then run from Tamina to end one of the worst segments in a long time. None of these people can talk to save their lives and now they’re running from Tamina.

Drew Gulak vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

If Gulak wins, Daniel Bryan gets an Intercontinental Title shot against Sami Zayn, sitting in on commentary here, at Wrestlemania. Some knees in the corner have Gulak in trouble but he sends Nakamura outside, meaning we need a breather. Gulak follows so Nakamura can kick him in the chest, only to have Gulak spin the leg around on the way back inside. The knee is fine enough to come off the middle rope and hit Gulak in the face for two. Kinshasa is loaded up but Bryan pulls Gulak out of the way, allowing Gulak to grab a jackknife cover for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: C. It was nice while it lasted and Sami getting caught in the title match with a dose of his own medicine is a nice move. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but Gulak getting to pin Nakamura is a nice boost for him. I still have no confidence in him to survive without Bryan’s rub, but at least they’re doing something for the time being.

We look back at Dolph Ziggler tormenting Otis last week.

Ziggler is in the back when Otis charges in. Ziggler agrees to face him at Wrestlemania with Mandy Rose in Dolph’s corner.

Here’s Elias for a song about King Corbin, which happens to include a bunch of HILARIOUS visuals involving Corbin, toilet paper, and a special throne. Corbin shows up and knocks Elias off the balcony, down onto pure concrete. Medics come out to check on Elias, who should probably have a broken back at least.

Post break, Elias has been taken to a medical facility.

Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka

Nikki Cross is on commentary. Bliss ducks a clothesline to start and hits a dropkick, only to get knocked down so Asuka can dance. A right hand knocks Asuka off the ropes and Bliss no sells the Japanese ranting. Cross mocks Asuka’s dancing on the announcers’ table but Asuka sends Bliss into the steps.

Back from a break with Asuka striking away and Nikki slapping the announcers’ table so hard that she loses her headset. They fight to the apron with Bliss twisting Asuka’s arm down onto the apron and kicking her in the ribs back inside. It’s back tot he floor with Bliss driving her into the apron, only to get caught in the Asuka Lock. That’s broken up as well and the DDT finishes Asuka at 9:54.

Rating: C-. I’m trying to get my head around the idea of Bliss beating Asuka and it isn’t working. It makes sense in the story, but that’s Asuka losing out there. It’s not completely absurd but egads that’s kind of a hard one to swallow. Kind of like the idea of having the two teams fight for the Women’s Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania, mainly because the titles still exist.

From Wrestlemania XXXII:

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

HHH talks about what it’s like to face Goldberg and Roman Reigns. They’re both intense and if Reigns can survive the initial onslaught, he’ll be able to win.

New Day is ready to put the Usos over their knees and give them a beating like their daddies so they can go to Wrestlemania.

Ziggler is in the back with Sonya Deville and says everything is coming together. Mandy comes in to ask if Ziggler has to do this to Otis. She supports Ziggler having the match but she isn’t the prize a prize for them to fight over. Ziggler says it’s ok and they leave.

It’s time for the Firefly Fun House but the lantern seems to get in Bray’s head. Bray says that it already failed against John Cena but He won’t. See, Bray has a way to win so let’s go to the blender. Take some self loathing, rage, disappointment, hot sauce (for flavor) and a carrot (so he can see John Cena)…..plus Ramblin Rabbit (for some completely unnecessary opinions) and throw them all in a blender and mix them together. Bray says He wants Cena to join Cena in the world of insanity in a Firefly Fun House match at Wrestlemania. No word on that means, but Bray wants to be let in.

Next week: Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns face to face.

New Day vs. Usos

Miz and Morrison are on commentary and defend their use of turtlenecks. Jimmy and Kofi start fast with Kofi flipping out of a suplex and sticking the landing on a monkey flip. The dropkick is countered though and a dropkick puts the Usos on the floor. Back in and Big E. throws Jey around before easily blocking an Irish whip. It’s back to Kofi, who gets caught in a hot shot but Big E. comes back in almost immediately. That means suplexes to the Usos and the apron splash sends us to a break.

Back with Big E. getting caught in a double spinebuster but powering over to Kofi without too much trouble. The Boom Drop into a hurricanrana out of the corner have Jey in trouble but Jimmy comes in and grabs a half crab. Miz and Morrison: “FIGHT FOREVER!” That’s broken up as well and it’s off to Big E., who gets dropped in a hurry (Miz and Morrison find this awesome).

Kofi saves Big E. from a dive and sends the Usos over the top for the big dive. Miz and Morrison get on the announcers’ table to do their own chant so Kofi goes after them, only to have Jimmy hit a dive. Big E. spears Jey off the apron to put everyone down on the floor so Miz and Morrison jump Big E. for the DQ (or no contest as WWE doesn’t seem to know the difference anymore) at 13:14.

Rating: B-. These teams could have a decent match in their sleep and they came close to it here. The ending couldn’t have been more obvious if they held up a big sign saying what it was but at least they had a nice match going into it. They don’t need it to be a ladder match, but I guess it can add a little something to the show.

Post match the beatdown is on but Cole makes the announcement: a triple threat ladder match at Wrestlemania. Miz and Morrison get beaten up to end the show.

There was no mention made of any matches being changed.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a bigger miss for me as it was a lifeless show. They added three matches to Wrestlemania as it’s turning into another bloated mess that is likely going to leave fans wanting things to end rather than actually being an interesting event. I’m not sure what can be done to make it better at this point, but not adding everything imaginable to it would help.

Results

Drew Gulak b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Jackknife cover

Alexa Bliss b. Asuka – DDT

New Day b. Usos via DQ when Miz and Morrison interfered