Dark – July 28, 2020: Thank Goodness They Aren’t WWE
IMG Credit: AEW
Dark
Date: July 28, 2020
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Taz
We’re back to the long form show as this week is going to have more content than an episode of Dynamite. This time around the show is featuring 12 matches over the course of an hour and fifty minutes for reasons I don’t think I want to understand. Hopefully we at least get some good action. Let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
Quick announcer preview.
Initiative vs. FTR
That would be the official name for Peter Avalon/Brandon Cutler, because you want to lose in style. The Young Bucks are watching at ringside and Tully Blanchard is in the bleachers. Harwood headlocks Avalon down to start and it’s off to Cutler in a hurry. Wheeler’s distraction lets Harwood get in a shot from behind, because FTR needs to cheat against these goofs.
Avalon comes back in for a double flapjack for one on Wheeler, who sticks out his leg for a tag. That doesn’t count as Harwood was too far down the apron though, in a rule you don’t see used all that often. Wheeler grabs a headlock but gets belly to belly suplexed….right into his own corner so it’s Harwood coming back in. Avalon’s right hands actually stagger Harwood so it’s back to Wheeler, who misses a charge in the corner. Avalon hits a split legged moonsault for two but Harwood BLASTS him with a clothesline. Cutler is knocked outside and it’s the Mind Breaker to finish Avalon at 7:16.
Rating: C-. They didn’t even bother with teasing the upset here as FTR isn’t going to be losing for a good while. It’s almost weird to see the spike piledriver being used in modern wrestling but it is a heck of a finisher. Cutler and Avalon having a name doesn’t make things much better for them, but at least they’ve found a niche here. Granted it’s a losing niche, but it is still a niche nonetheless.
Post match Revival shakes hands with the Bucks.
Michael Nakazawa/Pineapple Pete vs. Sonny Kiss/Joey Janela
Kiss loads up a headscissors on Nakazawa to start but Nakazawa pulls out the baby oil (here we freaking go). Janela takes it away though and sprays it on the back of Kiss’ trunks, which Nakazawa’s face is pulled into. Taz: “….what the heck was that?” Exactly what you should have expected? Pete sprays more oil in the middle of the ring so Kiss’ handspring elbow doesn’t work. It’s off to Pete who gets a running start and slides off of Nakazawa’s oiled back to crash into Kiss in the corner but a jumping hug doesn’t work due to slippage.
Janela comes in with a double dropkick and it’s Kiss coming back in to trade some missed charges with Pete. Pete’s knee to the face gets two on Kiss but he escapes a double suplex and makes the hot tag to Janela. A German suplex into the corner rocks Nakazawa and there’s a Death Valley Driver. Nakazawa is sent outside for a suicide elbow from Janela, followed by a top rope splash for two on Pete. Back in and Nakazawa underwear claws Pete by mistake and it’s a shot to the face from Janela. Kiss adds the top rope splits splash for the pin on Pete at 5:19.
Rating: F. Nakazawa is the definition of the kind of “comedy” wrestling that I can’t stand. Not only is his stuff not funny in the first place, but he does the same bits every week. There’s all of the oil nonsense and then the underwear claw always goes onto the wrong person. How many times can they do the exact same gag over and over and over? Kiss and Janela aren’t going to become a top team, but they work well together and Kiss’ athleticism and gymnastics are very impressive.
Skyler Moore vs. Abadon
Abadon does her crawl to the ring and takes Moore down to hammer away. A lot of yelling scares Moore but she slugs away anyway and grabs a DDT. Back up and Abadon pops her neck and chases Moore outside. A whip into the barricade has Abadon in trouble and a World’s Strongest Slam gets two. Abadon is right back with the Widow’s Peak for the pin at 3:17.
Rating: D+. Abadon plays the creepy monster well and not being able to feel pain is one of those classic ideas that will always work. They need someone to stand out as different in the women’s division and Abadon certainly fits the description. Moore doesn’t win much but she looks different enough to make herself a bit memorable.
Shawn Spears talks about the importance of the black glove. He is ready for people trying to take his throne, which is why the glove is self defense.
Dark Order vs. Shawn Dean/Will Hobbs
Evil Uno and Stu Grayson for the Order with the rest of the team on the stage. Grayson takes Dean into the corner to start and it’s off to Uno for a shot to the face. Grayson’s kick to the chest keeps Dean in trouble but he enziguris Uno down. Not that it matters though as Grayson comes back in for a Rock Bottom. A side slam/springboard elbow plants Dean again until he grabs a swinging neckbreaker.
Hobbs has been dropkicked off the apron though, meaning Dean has to hit a running flip dive onto Uno instead. Back in and the hot tag brings in Hobbs to clean house, including an Oklahoma Stampede for two on Uno. Everything breaks down and it’s the Knightfall to Hobbs, setting up the Fatality to finish Dean at 5:44.
Rating: C-. This could have been a lot worse, though I don’t quite buy the Dark Order as the top challengers to the Tag Team Titles. Hopefully their title match can be a good one without a ton of drama, though a surprise isn’t out of the question. Dean and Hobbs are still good for a quick appearance like this though and that’s a valuable thing to have.
Scorpio Sky vs. Corey Hollis
Feeling out process to start as they fight over a hammerlock into a standoff. Sky gets in an atomic drop into a Russian legsweep for two before hitting a good dropkick. Hollis heads outside and sweeps the leg before hitting a shot to the face. A middle rope spinning kick to the head gives Hollis two more but Sky blocks a Stunner. Some small packages get two each until Sky kicks him in the face. The Stundog Millionaire gets Hollis out of trouble but his top rope splash hits raised knees. The TKO finishes Hollis at 5:21.
Rating: C. I know I say it every week but man alive is Sky smooth in the ring. He can do this kind of thing against anyone around and that makes him a very easy watch. I could go for more of him on a higher level and that doesn’t seem to be too far out of the realm of possibility. They played Hollis up as someone of note here too so maybe he’ll be around in the future.
Penelope Ford vs. Kenzie Page
Kip Sabian is here too. Ford sends her into the corner for a running clothesline to start but Page hits a clothesline of her own. A charge is sent into the middle buckle though and Ford glares down at Paige for daring to try something. We hit the fish hook camel clutch and commentary goes into a Fresh Prince routine since Ford is from Philadelphia. Ford hits a Stunner but charges into a superkick. That just earns Paige a Lethal Injection into a fisherman’s suplex for the pin at 4:47.
Rating: D+. Ford has come a long way in the last few months and that’s great to see. This wasn’t much of a match though as Ford isn’t ready to be out there squashing people. Paige is another one of the several jobbers that they throw into these spots, so it wasn’t like Ford had the greatest stuff to work with in the first place.
Wardlow vs. Aaron Solow
Solo’s strikes have no effect and Wardlow knocks him hard into the corner. Some hard shots in the corner set up a swinging release Rock Bottom and Wardlow hits a heck of a clothesline. Wardlow knees him out of the corner and the referee stops it at 2:54.
Post match Wardlow stays on him and hits the F10.
Dark Order vs. Best Friends
Oh well where would we be without TWO Dark Order matches??? It’s Alex Reynolds and John Silver for the team here and they jump the Friends from being to start. They head outside with the Friends being sent into the barricade but shrugging it off to take over without much trouble. Back in and we get the big hug but Strong Zero is broken up. A Stunner into a German suplex gets two on Trent and the Order takes turns raking their boots over his face.
Silver hits a running double leg takedown for two and Reynolds hits a cutter for the same. Trent shrugs off some YES Kicks and hits a few forearms, only to have Reynolds take Chuck down to break up a hot tag attempt. A double torture rack faceplant gets two on Trent but he’s back with a belly to back suplex to Reynolds. The hot tag brings in Chuck and Silver is thrown into Reynolds in the corner. Chuck’s Falcon Arrow gets two on Silver as everything breaks down. The Awful Waffle finishes Silver at 9:09.
Rating: C-. This was every middle of the road Friends match you’ve seen in a long time. The action was fine, the story was fine, but it was the Dark Order’s B team vs. the Best Friends. As usual, that’s where the matches on this show keep losing me: after an hour, I really don’t need to see these people out there for nine minutes before the obvious conclusion.
Post match the Dark Order chases the Friends off.
Lance Archer vs. Frankie Thomas
Archer has Jake Roberts with him and carries a production worker to the ring. Thomas gets in his face and is Pounced down to start. Hold on as Archer needs to point down at Lee Johnson before heading outside, where he pulls Thomas’ slingshot dive out of the air. Back in and Archer sends him hard into the corner but the Blackout is escaped. A chokeslam sets up the EBD Claw for the pin at 3:22.
Rating: D+. Another match that was similar to everything you see from Archer more often than not. It can be fun to see Archer beat people up like this but can we find something for him to do already? He hasn’t had an important feud since the TNT Title match with Cody and that didn’t go so well for him. Find something else for him, please?
Orange Cassidy vs. Serpentico
Cassidy takes his time getting ready and then avoids a charge in the corner. The hands go into the pockets and it’s a dropkick into the nipup. The threat of a Superman punch sends Serpentico bailing to the floor so he pulls Cassidy down by the leg. A slingshot double stomp sets up a short DDT for two. Cassidy sends him outside again and hits the suicide dive but gets caught up top. Serpentico hits a superplex and rolls through, only to get cradled to give Cassidy the pin at 3:17.
Rating: D+. And so, AGAIN, it’s similar to everything we usually see from Cassidy. He did the hands in the pockets, the nipup, the lazy stuff and then the rollup pin. It’s almost like this show has nothing left to offer and is nothing more than putting wrestlers in the ring for the same stuff they do on the shows that matter.
Post match Serpentico charges at Cassidy, who hits the Superman punch.
Sammy Guevara vs. Fuego del Sol
Low Rider is here with Sol. Sammy takes him down with ease to start and the cockiness is flowing early. A front facelock goes on but Sol uses a springboard to reverse it into a rollup for two. Something close to a 619 in the corner connects but Sammy knees a springboard out of the air for two of his own. Sammy’s delayed vertical suplex gets two more and it’s time for a fireman’s carry with squats. Sol is sent outside so Sammy can strike a pose back inside. Back in and Sol hits a faceplant but misses a corkscrew Swanton. Another knee to the face sets up GTH to finish Sol at 5:13.
Rating: C-. I’m glad to see Sammy back as he really is that great to watch in the ring. The confidence is insane for him and it’s something that makes the Inner Circle better. Sol and Rider weren’t exactly great opposition but the point here was for Sammy to get his feet wet again so they worked out fine.
Post match it’s a GTH for Rider as well.
Private Party is ready for the main event and Big Money Matt Hardy comes in to say he likes the two of them. The more over they are, the more over he stays. Now go win by any means necessary. Kassidy: “Wow Big Money Matt. Kind of a d***.”
Private Party vs. Santana and Ortiz vs. SCU
Matt Hardy is here with Private Party. Kazarian and Kassidy start things off and they go to the mat for a bit of a surprise. Ortiz tags himself in and throws Kassidy outside, allowing Kazarian to get in a kick to the face. A neckbreaker drops Kazarian though and Santana comes in with a moonsault off of Ortiz’s back. It’s off to Daniels to double team Santana for two and he falls into the corner for the tag to Quen.
The camel clutch/jumping double stomp hits Daniels but Matt isn’t happy with Private Party posing instead of following up. Santana and Ortiz come in to continue the beating on Daniels and things slow down with the choking in the corner. A sitout powerbomb into a kick to the face gets two with Kassidy making the save. Daniels and Ortiz hit a double clothesline for the double knockdown and the rolling tag brings in Quen.
That means the running flip dive onto Santana and Ortiz, setting up Kassidy’s Lionsault for two on Ortiz. It’s back to Quen for his half of a top rope splash/top rope legdrop and everything breaks down. Ortiz hits a flipping Stunner on Daniels but gets caught by Kazarian’s slingshot DDT. Kassidy dives onto Daniels and Ortiz low blows Quen for the pin at 10:49.
Rating: C. This was the only thing on the show that got my interest up whatsoever and that’s because it felt different. For once it wasn’t the same matches we see week after week with the people being rotated in and out. It’s nice to not have a match where you know what’s going to happen the second you see who the big star is and that was so nice after an hour and a half of the same stuff.
The Dynamite preview takes us out.
Overall Rating: D+. I had to take multiple breaks to get through this thing because this is far from the most interesting way to watch a wrestling show. In addition to having WAY too many matches on the show, the biggest problem is there is nothing going on between them. Other than that Matt/Private Party promo, it’s match after match after match with the same commercials bridging the gaps. This show had the same problem that most Raw’s have: you get through a long stretch and then can’t believe how much time is left. I’m not sure why AEW feels required to put EVERYONE on these shows but it really drags them down a lot.
Results
FTR b. Initiative – Mind Breaker to Avalon
Sonny Kiss/Joey Janela b. Michael Nakazawa/Pineapple Pete – Splits splash to Pete
Abadon b. Skyler Moose – Widow’s Peak
Dark Order b. Shawn Dean/Will Hobbs – Fatality to Dean
Scorpio Sky b. Corey Hollis – TKO
Penelope Ford b. Kenzie Paige – Fisherman’s suplex
Wardlow b. Aaron Solow via referee stoppage
Best Friends b. Dark Order – Awful Waffle to Silver
Lance Archer b. Frankie Thomas – EBD Claw
Orange Cassidy b. Serpentico – Cradle
Sammy Guevara b. Fuego del Sol – GTH
Santana and Ortiz b. Private Party and SCU – Low blow to Quen
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